Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let i-- Oh, nevermind!

I was miffed all day Sunday, and like nine-tenths of Monday due to a lack of fluffy white stuff on the ground. Of COURSE , I mean snow...I'm sure as hell not talkin' ermine (the PETA gestappo would terrorize me!!)

Then last night, at about 11pm, my mother sez "Sheeesh, it's snowing like hell out there!!" Now in the Hallmark channel movie version of my life, at this point I would rush outside and do a few awe-motivated pirouettes with my head tilted up to the sky, an enchanted glow on my smiley visage, and marvel for a few precious moments at the winter wonderment of it all. Well, here's what REALLY happened-- I barely averted my gaze from the TV (I was watching AMC's "Broken Trail " for the 4th time) and I sputtered "ARGH! It's too damn late! F**** it!!"

Well, heck, as long as the driving doesn't get too hazardous, I 'spose I'm ok with a little white fluffy ambiance for a while...

From our holiday potluck last Thurs we have a lot of leftover 2liter bottles of soda and I've been trying to singlehandedly rid the office of this soda surplus. Seriously, I've been knockin' back like a mofo and I don't think ANYBODY is helping me. Here's the wacky-ass part of it... by Fri afternoon the soda was already getting too flat for my liking (I also have rather particular beverage standards ) but I'm inexplicably getting a thrill from using the leftover party cups. They're plastic 9oz Solo brand cups like this---

except in translucent red or green. Usually, I am opting for the red ones. I load it up with ice from the cafeteria vending machine and then the flattish leftover soda and drink my bevvie from a coffee stirrer. I'm not entirely sure why it is, but I do find this practice ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL. The simple & somewhat sane explanation is that the fine folks over at Solo put out an excellent product, capable of lending a shot of festive cheer to even the most mundane of environs. Yeah, and I suppose that's part of it. But more than that I like to imagine that I'm drinking an airline cocktail. Yep, just the mere pretense of boozing it up at work improves my day here in cubby-Hades.

Ohhhh the LUXURY of VELOUR

I haven't posted since 12/15?? THE HECK YOU SAY!! I can't believe I've been so neglecting!

My focus du jour has been griping about the company making me work on Boxing Day. Sure, I could've taken one of the 3days of leave I had to use up before the end of '06 but I shouldn't have to do that. I needed those days off (I used them all up this month on the 6th, 14th &19th) to prepare for Christmas. But that's beside the point...I shouldn't have to tap into my personal leave time in order to observe Boxing Day. It should be nationally mandated that everybody gets it off. I was reading up on Boxing Day (as I have before, but I felt a yen to reevaluate/refresh/reinforce my current comprehension of the whole dealie ) and though there are debates over the origins of the name "Boxing Day" it is well established that the point of the day is to be charitable and give to those less fortunate. How noble a holiday! It most definitely warrants a day off from work. Heck, if I did have Boxing Day off, I feel certain I would be generous and charitable and totally celebrate accordingly. But as it is, in my current state of dismay (penned in my generosity-squashing, charitability-squelching cubicle) I can't manage any effort of the sort. A pity, that.

I think everybody in the Upper Valley that had today off (and there were a lot of 'em -just not my sorry arse) decided to lunch at the 99 today. And unluckily, this is where Robin and I opted to order takeout. The wait time, when I went to fetch it, was longish, but not horrible. Although during this wait time, while squashed in their wee waiting area, alongside a throng of about 900 people waiting for a table, I found myself musing over the merits of the Carside-to-go feature they have at Outback & Applebee's . I don't know who thought up that whole program, but if I could figure that out and somehow contact that person, it is likely that I would extol the high quality of their cognitive processes.... and shortly thereafter call them "Lincoln" (ha ha) Anyways, like I was sayin'...the wait was longish but not awful but they neglected (probably because they were SO busy) to give me the fork/knife/napkin sets and the ketchup that I expressly requested on the phone. UGH. Hey, I DID refrain from rushing the 99 lady with one of my lethal leaping scissors kicks, so thereby I suppose I did manage a charitable act for Boxing Day.
I got a ROAST BEEF & CHEDDAR DIP sammich, which was daring, because I am HIGHLY finicky about my roast beef-- in particular, I don't like it to be very red or bloody. Texture is also taken into close consideration. Today's rb from 99 did not quite meet my high standards and I only ate half my sami. I think what it was that convinced me that a Roast Beef & Cheddar Dip was the lunch por moi was the whole dip factor. This particular sammich comes with **2** dip options --a creamy horseradish or au jus. I find this to be a marvelous feature, since I am of the philosophy that oftentimes the condiment is the make-or-break factor in an entree's overall success (or lack thereof). I find it baffling that there are not more dipping sandwiches. Why aren't there more dipping sandwiches??

So..Christmas was good. Every year has my sister vowing "We have to downsize Christmas next year!!" in response to her kids getting a mega-ginormous quadruple BUTTLOAD of toys. But when the next Christmas comes around...that vow to downsize has been completely forgotten!! Maybe I was just extra-sensitive to this this year, since I undertook the job of transporting all of mine & my parents presents for Laura, Greg, & offspring up to casa de mi hermana. I thought for a while there I was going to hafta rent me a Uhaul. Daaaaamn!

I did pretty well too...I got a few gift certificates, a neato purse, a daily planner, desk calendar, a journal, a gumball machine, some headbands, 2 necklaces, and this lovely velour track suit that I am sporting today. I know, I know, the velour tracksuit ship has sailed and that look is no longer in vogue, but I can't help adoring my velour tracksuit. It is such a delight to wear, I REFUSE to apologize for being a fashion blight on the world. I can't stop petting myself either. I am so luxuriously fuzzy. Purrrrrrrrrr

I was rather bummed to hear James Brown died yesterday. I made a Christmas tunes mix this year and track #10 was James Brown's "Soulful Christmas". I had just discovered the song this year when I was scouting out new material for my holiday mix...it was very cool. I mean it is very cool. But Boxing Day is supposed to be happy, and I deserve to have residual Christmas glee at least up until Jan2, so I'm trying to not let it bum me out too much. I try to remember him as he appeared in his mugshot...frighteningly disshevelled. I believe he also videotaped women on the potty...so yeaah, when I focus on the pervy-voyeur, wife-beater aspect of the late J.B., then I managed to not get overly distressed about the loss. But yeah, it still sucks.. I mean, if it wasn't for James Brown, there'd be no JAMES BROWN CELEBRITY HOT TUB PARTY which is--in my expert opininon--the most wonderful bit from Eddie Murphy's brief but brilliant SNL stint.

"WeeeOOOWWW HOT TUB! Gonna git in the wah-taah.."

Ok, gotta jet pets... hope your Boxing Day is turning out to be terrif...

Friday, December 15, 2006

you better be good FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

I was musing over that line, in one of my more uhh, muse-over-stupid-shit moments, and I figured we can't possibly be meant to take that bit of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" literally. I mean, the whole gist of this song is about how this Santa fellah has constant surveillance over all the kiddies out there, he is making notes on your behavior and rewarding the good kiddies with beau coup loot. Fair enough. Me comprende. But then they hit this line in the chorus "you better be good for goodness sake!" That's right--be good just for the sake of being good, kids, not for the copius mountains of toys it'll net ya. Just ignore that whole Santa Claus/ giant bribe thing I mentioned and just behave because you ought to. Truly, the holidays are the very best times to get your kids all fucked up puzzling over ethical complexities. Can't just leave them to their sweet dreaming-of-sugar-plums naivete.
Ok, ok, ok-- yeah I know the "-for goodness sake" part is a purely rhetorical, tacked on there because it works syllabically and is kind of, in a way alliterationesque (not exactly, but you know what the hell I mean--with the "good" & the "goodness") But you know, occasionally you'll get a kid that's a real deep thinker like myself (oh yes, they ARE out there..in fact my eldest niece Chloe shows signs of being a kindred tortured genius) a kid that will ponder the core message of the song, and that li'l turn of phrase is going to perplex them. Maybe then, these songwriters should not have sacrificed meaning for the sake of assonance. I have a substitute phrase to propose...how 'bout "you better be good you little shits"? A trifle crude maybe, but it works syllabicly. Definitely is not so ethically perplexing, that's for sure...

So have been staying with the folks lately. Since my dad's been outta the hospital (hip replacement surgery back on Dec 5) we've had one of these booster potty chairs in the bathroom...

although the one presently @ my parents' casa is not attached to the toilet. You can put in onto and take it off of the toilet as needed. Really, I ought to take the thing off and move it everytime I go....but I don't. Gives the task a whole new spin when you let the bidness fly from, like, 5 feet above target. Different accoustics, or something I guess. Sorry to be such a hogger but I'm trying to exhibit my multi-facetedness here. I can be goofily clever (paragraph 1) and then do a total persona-pivot and do toilet humor (literally). I have such RANGE. It's, like, phenomenal how much range I gots, G.

I am monumentally vexed that I missed Thursday night's eppy of The Office. And I've not verified it in the TV listings, but there's probably 3 or 4 weeks before they start in with new episodes again. Grrrrr.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Disjointed blathering--blahdee blah blah

I've been negligent, I know. But I'm still here. Don't you fret,
my pet(s).

The barbecue chips I bought outta the cafeteria vending machine are really barfy. Which is just as well, as I certainly don't need to ingest barbecue chips and didn't particularly want them ... why did I buy these? Uuuugh

TV Land got me addicted to "That Girl" this weekend when they ran a 48hr marathon of THAT sitcom but now I can't seem to find the show on the TV Land schedule. How cruel of them! It's like I'm a junkie with no hope of a fix.

Even though I am listening to a variety of holiday tunes on Yahoo! radio, the one that is sticking in my noggin today is "Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat/ Please to put a penny in the ol' man's hat/ If you haven't got a penny, than a ha' penny will do/ if you haven't got a ha' penny--God bless you!!"

My Dad is getting out of the hospital right about now. I've been staying at the folks' to keep my mom company and am going to continue staying there, to help out while Dad's recouperating. But I can tell ya... it's going to be a whole new exercise in aggravation staying there while both parents are in residence. My mom has her quirks, but generally she's pretty easy-goin'. My Dad is a HUUUGE perfectionist type A kinda guy and I'm really more of a staunch
anti-perfectionist. So, yeah, this should be fun.

Stumbled upon this site today. Me mucho gusto. I can't believe, with ALL my retail prowess, that I was previously unaware of its existence. Boggles the mind.

Well, my lunch hour has just about runneth out and it's pert' near time to reapply my nose to the proverbial grindstone. BAH.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

oh, Archer Farms LLC, I FORGIVE YOU!!

..you guys have totally redeemed yourselves. In addition to the barfy Chocolate Cranberry trail mix that I kvetched about on Mon, I also picked up a "Sweet Cajun" trail mix. It is EXCELLENT. I'm just glad I didn't try the terrif Sweet Cajun mix first and then had the Chocolate Cranberry stuff...because that woulda been a scenario of profound disappointment rather that surprise redemption. Sweet Cajun trail mix has in it: honey nut crunch peanuts, toasted corn, honey sesame sticks, cajun sesame sticks, regular peanuts, & almonds. "Toasted corn" I copied off the package...they're actually CORN NUTS but that name is probably owned by, uhh, I dunno, whoever makes Corn Nuts. I love the corn nuts and the sesame sticks especially. Oh man this stuff is killer...I wish I'd bought it in a BARREL.

Some notes about upcoming movies... "The Holiday" is going on my must-see list...but definitely holding out until the thing comes out on DVD. I am only charmed by 1/2 of this quartet of lovers and I feel my viewing experience will be much improved by the capability of fast forwarding through all the Cameron Diaz-Jude Law bits. Who wants to watch that??? It's a head cheerleader falling for a quarterback type scenario.. and that does not a decent rom-com make. But the Jack Black &Kate Winslet hook-up looks charming. WOOOOAH hold the mayo-- after further imdb digging, I don't know if I'll be able to hold off until this flick's DVD release. It has John Krasinski (aka mucho adorable Senor Jim Halpert) in it . He's also in Dreamgirls, coming out this month (which I really want to see). I don't think he's got a real substantial role in either flick, but still, it'd be a kick too see him up on the big screen instead of in my living room for a change. Not that I mind him coming over or anything. It's just that I keep trying to lure him into other rooms of the house and he ain't havin' it... Ahem, um, ANYWAYS...

Speaking of small screen stars transitioning to the megaplex.. .
Are many people going to go see "Rocky Balboa" because they really felt matters were unresolved after the last Rocky movie and they've lived a half-life in an agonizing state of limbo for these past 16 years waiting for this sixth installment of the series? Ok, I'm being melodramatic here, but I wonder how many moviegoers are planning on seeing the flick out of a genuine interest in another rehashing of the Rocky story OR, are they more stoked about seeing Peter Petrelli play son-of-Rocky?? I know I'm intrigued. Intrigued, but not stoked. It would take more than a vague twinge of intrigue to get me out to the theatre to see "Rocky Balboa". It would definitely take someone else paying for my tix & num-nums (it may even take someone abducting me at gunpoint...it depends how obstinate I'm feeling on that particular night)

I did really dig this past Monday night's episode of Heroes...much better than that six month rewind bullshit they pulled on me last week. The pisser is now that I'm vaguely somewhat partially up-to-speed and definitely hooked, they go on holiday until the end of January!! That is an OUTRAGE! Why the hell do TV shows get to do that? It's not like they hafta work through the summer!! Some other shows I dig that misguidedly thought that they could take a winter break-- Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, and I think The Office (after next week's episode). Man, if you don't like Peanuts or formulaic Oxygen/Hallmark Channel holiday schlock, then December is a lameass month for TV. Maybe I should use this time to catch up with my looong neglected Netflix queue. Although I do love a good schmaltzy Hallmark Channel original...if they have some new offerings for this year, I may just HAVE TO partake....

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

HIP hop hooraaaay HOOOO HEEEEY

My Dad had hip replacement surgery yesterday(went very smoothly). 68 years old and this is his first surgery ever. Consequently, he is just NOW discovering the joys of flirting with nurses. Seriously, it's like his new favorite pasttime. All of those nurses just think he's absolutely precious, and what's more, they haven't heard all his stories (not yet anyways). I almost think when he comes home he'll have hospital withdrawl.

Had today off from work and spent the bulk of it up at the hospital. Maaaan, DHMC is one ginormous bastard of a hospital. I wonder, if all the nation's hospitals were ranked by size, where would DHMC would place on that list? Hmmmm....

I was flipping thru US Weekly and they had this big feature on this brand-new twosome that are redefining--nay, perfecting the art of friendship, and of course the legendary pair I refer to is Britney Spears & Paris Hilton. Now I didn't read any of that article, because I had just bought the magazine and was doing my initial perfunctory flip-thru. But there was 2pg pictoral timeline of their burgeoning bond. I was gazing at this and wondered, "Why the hell is Paris always propping Britney up?" In nearly all the photos, Paris was latched on to Brit's elbow like Brit was her 80 year old Grandma traversing a field of glare ice. Ok, yeah, OBVIOUSLY Britney's schnockered and maybe not so steady on her feet (to which, I gotta say :GO HOME TO YOUR KIDS YOU FILTHYDUMB SLAG) But Paris --steady & sober? That's the bit that baffles me. And even in that case (Brit: drunk & wobbly while Paris: sober & steady) wouldn't it seem more Parisian to allow Britney to topple ass over commando teakettle and just stand by smirking photogenically for the paparazzi?? I mean, is that not what she did when her other BFF Kimberly Stewart took a spill on a motorcycle?? I suspect Paris has a very shrewd reason for safeguarding Britney... If anybody wins out of the Brit-KFed bust up, it's Ms Hilton, herself. I mean, this new friendship is PR gold for her...every shot of these two together has Paris looking just terrific. I mean, she looks like a paragon of sophistication--Grace Freakin' Kelly-- and all she needs to do is go on a pub crawl with that Cheetolicious Trailer Hag. Very shrewd, very MACHIAVELLIAN, Miss Paris...maybe you are not quite as much of a dimwit as I'd presumed!!

Monday, December 04, 2006

it's the DUDE, Dude!!

The cream of today's celebrity birthday crop..... JEFF BRIDGES!!! So happy day to Jeffy & congrats on turning 57 & having me like him better than I like Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies & Tyra Banks. In the celebrity word association game in my mind "Jeff Bridges" always makes me think "Kurt Russell"...it's weird. The two are inextricably linked in my mind...as are Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman..for obvious reasons with the 2 bland Bills. But the only reason I can think of why I would associate the "meh" not-so-great Kurt Russell with the magnificent Jeff Bridges is a similarity of hairdo. WHY do I judge Jeff Bridges as so superior to Kurt Russell, you may well ask? Well as I proclaimed in the subject line--"it's the DUDE, dude!" Yes, Jeff Bridges will always be, in my heart, "The Dude" from The Big Lebowski. OR His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing. (ha ha) If Jeff Bridges does not think that "The Big Lebowski" is the best thing he's ever done in his career than I am inclined to knock the guy upside the head with a cricket bat. But as it's his birthday, I'll be a nice gal and aim for the ass. Although I do have lousy aim. So I guess it's lucky for Jeff Bridges that I do not possess a cricket bat. Unless of course he agrees with me (then my possession/lack of possession is a moot issue) and he should agree damn it because "THE BIG LEBOWSKI" IS A CLASSIC FOR ALL TIME!! Yes, I am a fan of that film. Probably if I had seen that film where JB gets romantically involved with (uggh--gag!) Barbara Streisand, he'd lose major cool points with me but on the other hand I love a little action flick he did called "Blown Away" (and I usually dislike action movies) because that has Tommy Lee Jones (*awesome*) doing an Irish accent (*even awesomer*) while Jeff is rocking a Boston accent wicked haaaaahd. So that's 2 great films to 1 probably lousy film plus Jeff Bridges looks better in Kurt Russell's hair than Kurt does, so overall, I like me some Jeff Bridges.
WOW...that might be my longest celeb b-day diatribe to date, and I'm not even that much of a Jeff Bridges fan. Honestly! I think I was just a-hankerin' to perpetrate some run-on sentences and found me a good vehicle for that craving. I feel oddly gratified.

In NON-celebrity birthdays my Aunt Sandi turns 60 today!! Happy happy Birthday Aunt Sandi! I love her a lot more than Jeff Bridges, who never once knitted me a matching scarf & mitten set (for my b-day 2 yrs ago...and-*BONUS POINTS*- she'd listened to me when I ranted that they don't have mittens connected on a cord for adults....and...GUESS WHAT.... there is now 1 pair of {handmade} adult cord-connected mittens...and they're mine..ALL MIIIINE!)

I took my mum to Keene yesterday on a Christmas shopping expedition. We went to Target where, in the cheapie section (the dollar bonanza area where not everything is a dollar but most of it is) I bought a tabletop tree & trimmings for my cubby. It is a silver tinsel tree and I have a silver bow on top, pink maribou garland, and multi-colored mini disco balls hanging off it. It is a cheap and gaudy disco tree but I can't stop gazing at it lovingly. Ohhh, what $2.50 will get you at Target! It's sublime, I love it, love it, loooove it. My only gripe (and it pains me to critique you Target...you know I'm only hard on you because I love you so much, right?) is this Archer Farms brand trail mix I got. I got the Chocolate Cranberry Crunch mix, which has milk chocolate covered cranberries (YUM) raisins (also yum) almonds (yum) dried pineapple, walnuts (I hate walnuts...but had prepared myself to avoid these) & soybeans (err, Ok..) Now first off, if the damn walnuts are going to monopolize this trail mix, than I feel they should be included in the title "Walnut & Choco-Cranberry Crunch"...something like that. But whatever, that's a minor quibble. The dried pineapple--BLEECCCCH. Usually I like dried pineapple. This...I'm not even sure that it's actual fruit. And my BIG gripe-- and I guess this would be a fault of most brands' nutty trail mixes (although I expect more from a Target brand hence the ginormity of my disappointment, see??) Ok, if nuts are on their own or in a snack melange of nuts only salting is great, preferable even. But, in the capacity of bringin' the CRUNCH to a trail mix with a lot of sweet elements...NIX THE SALT. These chocolate covered cranberries are delish, but your gross ineptitude , Archer Farms LLC, has forced me to rob the paintbrush off a new watercolor paint set that I was going to give as a stocking stuffer to my niece( but that idea's shot to hell now isn't it?) and sweep off the fine dusting of salt from each and every choco-cranberry. That's very labor intensive, Archer Farms! And are YOU going to buy my niece a new watercolor paint set?
Ok all that shit about the watercolor paint set sans brush was just improvised LIES so's I could knock off a few more run-ons. HOWEVER, I really do hate salt on my chocolate covered cranberries, and raisins , (and I'd hate it on the dried pineapple too if that weren't grody to begin with) And I have been trying to de-coat the cranberries as I eat them (the raisins, however, are too crevice-covered to be thoroughly de-salted damn you!) I have been blowing on them. And probably thereby arousing every male in the vicinity of my cubicle. And hey, what can I do but just glance at their crotch, shrug and tell them they can thank Archer Farms LLC for their discomfort and embarrassment. I don't know if Archer Farms is an LLC . Or an INC. I really have no f-ing clue.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

I found my Christmas tunes--Paaaah rumpa pum pummmm!

This should greeeeeatly facilitate the development of my Christmas cheer. Yaaaay!!

Friday, December 01, 2006

she's a brick and I'm drowning slowly.....

That is the song I'm listening to right now. Mix of my own making (trk 11). I'm going to list everything on it, because the alternative is talkin' about my dreary diarrhea plagued afternoon, and no thanks, I'd rather NOT. It's been a fucking drag of a Friday, let's just leave it that.

At least you can get a sense of my musical atmosphere. . . .

CD Mix made by yours truly--June 7,2006--
1. Upside Down / Diana Ross
2. Up the Ladder to the Roof / the Supremes (the only Supremes song I really like, BTW. It seems I didn't like Diana Ross with the Supremes and I didn't like the Supremes with Diana Ross. I'm not a great fan of either...although I just bought "The Wiz" recently..haven't watched it yet....did I thoroughly piss away that $5.99?? )
3.Shotgun / Jr Walker & the Allstars
4. Words / the Monkees (though they have a lotta good tunes, this one is my absolute fave Monkees tune. I like it when they let Mickey sing. )
5. Constantinople / They Might be Giants ( why did Constantinople get the works? THAT'S NOBODY'S BUSINESS BUT THE TURKS!! )
6. Float On / Modest Mouse
7. Light & Day / Polyphonic Spree
8. The Promise / When In Rome
9. Nothing Compares 2U / Sinead O' Connor
10. I Miss You / Blink 182 (did the vid for this song win any awards? I thought it was great...very beautiful and artsy and what's more, a total shock from a band whose video trademark had always been STREAKING )
11. Brick / Ben Folds Five
12. Personal Jesus / Depeche Mode
13. Maps / the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
14. I'm Comin' Out / Diana Ross ( I didn't wanna have a big chunk of Diana Ross/Supremes at the beginning of the CD so I put this track elsewhere , but I shouldn't have. The transition from 13 to 14 is...clunky..oy )
15. In My House /Mary Jane Girls ( I think the house in this song is a WHOREHOUSE, if I'm not mistaken )
16. Drop It Like It's Hot / Snoop D.O. DubbaG yo, yo , fo' shizzle (ha)
17. Fug-Gee-La / The Fugees ( Oooh la la la laaa, it's the way that we rock when we doin' our thiiing...)
18. No Woman No Cry / Bob Marley
Forget running away with the circus, I wanna go on tour with these nutjobsjobs !! You will NOT get a job in the music industry with a more figure -flattering wardrobe, I assure you. Plus, with 800+ band members, nobody will notice ONE really crappy, off-key voice (that'd be moi). Hmmm. I have been tiring of cubicle life, that's for sure. I'm considering it! But don't you worry my darlings--I will be sure to pass up the Kool Aid!!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Of Grouches and Grinches...

I just spent a chunk of my afternoon redesigning my desktop background & PC color scheme. I regularly undergo this revamping ritual because variety is indeed the spice of life and I wish for this screen that I continually stare at to be visually "spicy" ...and stimulate my eyeballs.

Anyways, I was rather pleased with the job I did and it occured to me to preserve my present 'puter decor on my blog...

Obviously, I'm more enthused about my excellent Oscar shot than that 2nd screen cap, but that one illustrates the lovely palette I've got goin' on for my Menu & Active Title Bar. If only it were a paying career --"Personal PC Aesthetics Coordinator". Oh, and I could moonlight with the animal psychology. That'd be freeeakin' sweet.

It is very uncharacteristic of me, right here on the very cusp of December, to not start in with the holiday themed desktops. I just can't get in to the Christmas spirit yet. It's all tied to my being unable to locate my CD wallet of Christmas tune-age. I am a highly musical person and this lack of holiday tunes is CRIPPLING to the annual emergence of my Yuletide cheer, DAMMIT. Yes, there is holiday music on the radio (online & regular radio) but I have been shunning this, because it upsets me. It makes me think of MY collection of holiday music, which I know is unequivocally the FINEST collection of holiday music in existence, I just don't know WHERE it is!! I have been able to launch my Christmas shopping efforts though, which haven't all been unpleasant drudgery. But I'm just enjoying that on account o' my innate shopping addiction and not from a place of Christmas cheer. OOoooh it's very upsetting. I'm considering a prayer to St Anthony (of Padua, patron saint of lost articles) even if I am worried I'd be received as a fickle Catholic and rotten hypocrite.
I really,really, really, really want my Christmas music!!

Havin' a whaaaaaale of a time!!

Y'all know I am a dame of many talents. I have discovered a new one today-- I am a total whiz at animal psychology. After reading two articles on this recent Sea World incident I have definitively deduced the root cause of this act of aggression. The key is to be found in this line from the MSNBC write-up of the incident--
" The animal involved in the incident was misidentified in initial reports as Shamu, the show name given to SeaWorld's popular performing orcas."
Now the offending Orca's name is actually Kasatka , and I'll wager she's put up with being called Shamu continually, every day of her 30 year life. Hell yes, that would be frustrating!!
I'm inclined to cut Kasatka some slack on this li'l faux pas. She was just trying to make a point. I am certain she had no homocidal intentions, because if she wanted this trainer dead, the bloke woulda left Sea World in a body bag, I assure you. They aren't called killer whales because they're good at needlepoint. (ha ha!)
It's unlikely that any whale noises were recorded during the incident, but if there was such a recording, and you ran it through the Whale-ese Transmogrifying Doohickeygadget you'd find that, throughout the whole episode, Kasatka was yelling "Say my name, bitch!!"

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Greetings from HUMP DAY, where my lunch is stinkin' up the joint

Today's mid-day repast: a Lean Cuisine Lemon Pepper Shrimp Scampi meal. I tell you it was an entre of UTTER DISAPPOINTMENT. First off , I was seduced by the artful food photography on the box....and damn it, I should know better! The shrimps on the box look like mighty fantails, but the actual shrimps were wee little native shrimp-ettes, shrivelled up to the circumference of a penny. And the hue of the broccoli did not at all match the healthy, piney green of the box broccoli. And then the flavor--ugh-- I've had lemon meringue pie that wasn't so lemony. Where the hell was the pepper?? It was mucho grody.
And worst of all, the thing took 7 minutes to cook! What's the point of having microwave meals if they take that f***ing long to cook? That's 1/4 of the time it would take to make one of Rachel Ray's recipes... which are done with actual cooking techniques. If the government cannot establish laws to limit the amount of time a microwave dinner takes to cook, then I say the companies should print short stories on the boxes of any meal that has a cook time in excess of 4 minutes. Because that's a very long, dull stint, standing there, glaring at the microwave. It is NOT 7 minutes in heaven.
Ahh well, I think I will try to remedy the disappointment with a bit o' chocolate later. Am presently listening to "Night out with the Rat Pack" CD ...hearing Dino always buoys my spirits. Sinatra's the shit too (needless to say!) It's Sammy Davis Jr that I'm not crazy about. That's probably a deep-seated prejudice talking....byproduct of my sheltered upbringing. My folks never had anything nice to say about those people...with glass eyes.

I bought some really terrific Martha Stewart Christmas cards at Kmart the other night. I think this has to be the 1st year with Christmas cards offered in the Martha Stewart repertoire. Because if they'd had 'em in '04 or '05 I woulda probably got 'em in '04 or '05, they are really darling. I would have at least seen them in my browsing because every year I do a very thorough inventory of Martha's holiday offerings. (later..9pm EST-) I really like what Martha does with the differing motifs of holiday decor. She has..."Golden Traditions" "Sugarplum Dreams" "First Snow" "Evergreen" "Woodland Holiday" and...and...well, that's all I can recollect offa the top o' my nog. I think I'm leaving out 1 or 2. My favorite collections are "Sugarplum Dreams" & "Woodland Holiday". I'm sure most people mix & mash the different collections, but maybe her system guides some of the style-clueless masses toward creating a cohesive theme.
I ended my workday on a rather grumpy note. I wasn't severely stressed out, I think "frazzled" would be a more apt term for what I was. But Robin and Laurel were teasing me good naturedly--in an attempt to cheer me, I guess--but it was annoying the piss outta me. At one point I sputtered to myself "Goddamnit! It's continuously ONE issue after ANOTHER today!!!" And Laurel was compelled to remind me "Well, that's like EVERY day" Well, it's like a lot of workdays...but not EVERY day, so she wasn't completely right. But it made me think-- I DO have a lot of crisis packed work days that I'm able to shrug off / endure with good cheer. Why was today different?? Y'know what the root cause of it all was?? Laurel & Robin PREDESTINED me to be pissy today!!
I was told this morning I was in a bad mood when I wasn't. That never fails to set me off! Allow me to expound... I may say or do something kind of mock-curmudgeonly. Like, at times I will be sort of bitchy for fun but at core, I am in a truly fine mood. And then someone will say "Oooh, you're crabby today!" and I'll correct them :"No, actually I'm not". But then (this is where things turn sour) they'll reply "oookay!" But you know in that tone-- all sarcastic-like w/ their disbelief quite evident. And that response wouldn't vex me if I was actually putting on a happy facade and they saw through it...but if really, HONESTLY, I am happy and they gimme the "oookay!" ? GRRRR!! TAKE MY FUCKING WORD FOR IT!! I'M HAPPY, DAMN IT!! Is this my own unique brand of neuroses or is anyone else out there regularly vexed by others telling them that they are misdiagnosing THEIR OWN EMOTIONS?? So, I think the high road in this instance (I've heard of this mythical "high road" but have not had all that much firsthand experience of that route) would be to just concentrate on exuding a very undeniable happiness, ooze pungent glee from your damn pores, blow sunshine & rainbows out your ass to show how right you are about your good mood... this is not the course of action I usually opt for, however. I give an internal (sometimes not internalized) "Grrrr" and I think "Ok, you think I'm grumpy?? How about a shift to blackhearted ice queen? You will be begging the almighty for the sweet mercy of my grumpiness!!" So most of the afternoon I employed my very scathing, very mean SILENT TREATMENT. I know the silent treatment sounds like a pretty wussy method of being pissed off, but mine is TRULY fierce, the most lethal weapon in my passive aggressive arsenal. And Robin knows the silent treatment means the genuine anger has kicked in. I don't know why she kept needling me then. I feel like I ALWAYS make allowances for other people's funks but I'm not allowed one of my own.
Okay, kvetching over. I feel pretty much purged...and you know THIS made me feel surprisingly better believe it or not. (I recommend clicking-- a minute & 18 seconds of cheap therapy)

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

hair accessories, crap on TV, junk from el radio

It's a mixed bag of trivialities today, sports fans....

HAIR ACCESSORIES-- Not going to riff on hair accessories in general. (though in one of my listier moods, I SOOO could...ranking the good [decorative hair combs] the horrible [scrunchies..ewww] and the vastly underrated [the banana clip]) I'm particularly referring to the headband I rocked yesterday. Ooooh but it was not all fabulosity and looking fabulous. I think that f-er left dents in my skull despite the fact that I'm pretty sure my skull stopped being malleable when I turned 1 or 2. It appeared to be a headband, but it very well could've been an adamantium vise swathed in crimson velvet. (I'll save you looking it up in a nerdcyclopedia--adamantium is the super strong metal that Wolverine's skeleton is made of)
But the unfortunate fact is that if you have silky/fine hair like mine, you need a wide band with a lot of tension if you are going to properly don a headband, due to the fact you've got no traction whatsoever on la cabeza.
Anyways, mi amiga Robin accused me of being VAIN (can you believe her??) for keeping the thing on. To be fair, she had endured about 8 hrs of me whining that my headband was ouchy on my skull, so that may be why she maligned me so harshly (and unjustly). I was suffering for fashion, yes. But out of vanity? I dunno. Vanity seems like such a self-centered attribute. It's not like I have a mirror mounted in my cage/ cubicle and I'm perpetually gazing at myself like a nimrod cockatoo. It's not for my benefit. It's really my ingrate office mates that I hope to delight with my bursts of accessorizing genius. Just selflessly hoping that my fashionable example might --at the very best-- inspire these people, or --at least-- divert them briefly from their workday monotony. No, missy, I am NOT vain, but my thoughtful intentions may be in vain....
You see how I did that? Turned her own wording against--aww yeah you get it. You're very astute like that. NEXT TOPIC!!!

CRAP ON TV-- I've been wanting to catch an episode of Heroes. I had intended to watch it last week but I had a game of UNO run into OT so I woulda missed the beginning. And I don't like watching a show or a movie if I can't catch it in its absolute entirety (ab ovo , I like to say, because throwing Latin into everyday conversation is delightfully pretentious) so I skipped last week's eppy. Which was too bad, because that's when they saved the cheerleader (and saved the world). I mean , I was kind of intrigued by the show initially, but I think it was that catchphrase that really reeled me in. All of a sudden, I was hearing it 50 times a day, like some kinda g.d. mantra or something. "Save the cheerleader--save the world!!" I found it thought provoking...it seems like a pretty clear-cut directive. Yet if it was demanded of me I'd have to mull it over a bit..."Hmmm yeah.. I do like the world and all. Am rather inclined to save it if it's in need of saving but...then...gee, on the other hand... do we really need a world with another cheerleader in it?" It's quite a conundrum.

Anyways, I did finally get to watch last night. I enjoyed it, but was pretty disappointed, 'cause I feel like I caught the one episode for this season that does not catch you up to speed on the storyline at all. And I needed to catch an episode that was furthering the plot so I could kinda jump in midstream and get up to speed if you get what I mean. (While physically I am barely a doggypaddler, in a mental swim, I can catch up to the best of 'em) Anyways, what I really need is a Heroes marathon..that would be a HUGE help. And y'know NBC owns BRAVO which is a queen of marathons. So why no marathons on the mother-station? That's a pisser, maaaan!

Over on the "eye network" I saw a few promos for the season premiere of "The King of Queens". Not the season premiere of syndicated reruns, mind you, a new season of actual new episodes. Those are not excitement italics, kittens, those are italics of utter bewilderment. Sooo, King of Queens was *NOT* cancelled 2 years ago...huh...I shall file that in Monday's "Ya Learn Somethin' New Everydamnday" file. I feel one ought to abide by the wise old adage--" always leave them wanting more". Like, for instance, Friends fans (not that I was ever one of that contingent) were always wanting more and had to be pretty much weened off that show. And Seinfeld ended its run with like 500 more excellent episodes within their capabilities. That's why these shows went out in a blaze of glory. And had series finales that were bigfat deals that raked in the beaucoup ratings. Now "The King of Queens" which--I don't know if you knew this or not, is still on the air-- is going to have one of those embarrassing unobserved under-the-porch deaths like "Coach" and "Wings" did. It will run until 2010 or so and no one will know that it's cancelled except the elite few invited to the intimate cast pizza party and then Kevin James will go on to other comedy supporting roles (hopefully ones that allow for a bit of his hilarious brand of awkward white-guy dancing) and Leah Remini will probably have to revive her career by borrowing a ploy from the Celeb Scientologists' "Holy-sh*t-what-a-freaking-nutjob" Bag o' Tricks. Incidentally, it's hard for me to believe that Leah Remini is a Scientologist. She seems so down-to- earthy ...like she's from the old neighborhood (I don't know where, in precise geographical terms, the "old neighborhood " is .. somewhereabouts in NY or NJ) Oh! You know what she seems like? She seems like someone Mrs Rosini would try to set Tony up with (and in that hypothetic scenario, I happen to know the "old neighborhood" would be Brooklyn). Well, I don't KNOW Leah Remini, of course, but she just doesn't strike me as the Scientology type. Scientology seems more appropriate for flaky West Coast types.

RADIO MISCELLANY-- Not having gotten around to getting my CD player installed in my car has made me a great patron of the radio. I heard some good dance songs this weekend. I know that many music fans are critical of dance/ electronic music. Y'know those snobby music snobs that dismiss music sans actual instruments as "soul-less". To that I say "BOLLOCKS" "Sandstorm" (by Darude--heard this on Sunday night) is one of the most moving songs I know. It doesn't like move me to tears or anything stupid like that, but I hear the song and am instantly transported-- not sure where, 'cause it's dark (and I'm probably wacky on the junk, y'know) there are strobe lights.....vast multitudes...a lot of the crowd brandishing glowsticks...hopping...there's hopping...we're all hopping in time.

WOAH.... just typing about the song and I get a smidgeon transported. Very evocative stuff. I also heard Gigi D'Agostino's "I'll Fly With You" which I enjoy a lot but it doesn't send me on any head trips.

Also heard a radio advert for the SLINKY on Sunday a.m. Is this in need of advertising? For real?? Is there a whole new, up & coming generation that is not at all familiar with the Slinky phenomenon?? Craaaazy!

And speaking of Sunday morning radio, why is lameass Ryan Seacrest ALWAYS filling in for Casey Kasem lately?? Is there something really wrong with Casey or is he just out with a case of being old?? Whatever it is, I want him to recover ASAP because I love Casey!! And listening to Rick Dees is NOT an option (I don't CARE if he did give the world Disco Duck, that guy is crap personified)

Monday, November 27, 2006

what to read, what to read...

Because I never feel a book purchase is money ill spent, I don't really get any spending guilt from a bookstore shopping spree. Hence my being the Borders Rewards Club Rookie of the Year 2006. Hence me amassing books faster than I can read 'em. Hence my having a books -to- read queue...
Why am I posting my queue? Well, the short answer is--slow news day in my 'hood. But why post the B-T-R Queue and not a recipe or a poem or again blather on about a celeb birthday (old standby ploy of mine). Well my motivation ( aside from
Kara stealing my celeb b-day du jour from me..happy 30th, anyway, Urkel!!) was that maybe some kindhearted & well-read soul might want to help me prioritize. I listed the queue books in no particular order, but if anybody out there has read one of these, and highly recommends it, I will bump it up to the top of the queue. Likewise, if someone has read one or more of these titles and found them to be somewhat lacking/disappointing/ an abominable heap of dung, then I will defer to that someone's judgement and boot the book to the bottom o' the queue. In this fashion, I could prioritize the queue. I know it seems lazily redundant of me to keep saying "queue" and not seek out a synonym, but I assure you it's entirely deliberate because I adore the word "queue".
Anyways... my QUEUE...in no particular order....

Books to read Queue

1.Song of Solomon (Toni Morrison)
2. Tully (Paulina Simmons)
3.Cold Mountain (Charles Frazier)
4.The Sunlight Dialogues (John Gardner)
5.The Jewel of 7 Stars (Bram Stoker)
6. The Curious Incident of the Dog at Nighttime(Mark Haddon)
7.Resistance (Anita Shreve)
8.The Lady & The Unicorn (Tracy Chevalier)
9.Frankenstein;Pt.1 (Dean Koontz)
10.Sense & Sensibility (Jane Austen)
11.Silas Marner (George Eliot)
12.I am Charlotte Simmons (Tom Wolffe)
13.Vilette (Charlotte Bronte)
14. Frankenstein (Mary Shelley)
15. Ivanhoe (Sir Walter Scott)
16. To The Lighthouse (Virginia Woolf)
17. The Name of the Rose (Umberto Eco)
18. Big Stone Gap (Adriana Trigiani)
19.Masque of the Black Tulip (Lauren Willig)
20. Women In Love (DH Lawrence)

Now, this is not counting 3 or 4 books (that I can't recall the names of) that I have gotten as gifts and not yet read. I also am excluding another mental book list of books that I have started to read and abandoned because I just couldn't muddle through 'em. There's a few of those, unfortunately. Maaan, I always feel like a big fat reading failure when I quit a book part way through it. Which is sorta why I want to prioritize the above queue. If you guys help me keep the stinkers away from the top of the list, they're more apt to languish on the B-T-R Queue than to wind up on the awful "Abandoned Books to Oneday Revisit List". I feel a teeny twinge of guilt about items languishing in queue, but have much more guilt about the AB List.

So in summation, any prioritizing aid is much appreciated, amigos.

Speaking of reading, I am currently 3/4 of the way through "
Misfortune" by Wesley Stace, which I do recommend. Maybe not NUMERO UNO in your queue but you should put in your top 7 (top 5 seemed too urgent, top 10..not quite praiseworthy enough).

Friday, November 24, 2006

***bored siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh***

turkey in the hay. Hey, hey,hey.

Hours later and I've gotten 3 more calls. Yippee freakin' skippy. Am doing some browsing at The Vermont Country Store. Maybe if I buy something I will feel like I've had a productive day.

Turkey in the straw--HA HA HA!

HAPPY DAY-AFTER-THANKSGIVIN' PILGRIMS!! Hope you stuffed your maws like crrrazy yesterday!! I know I sure did .
It's stupid how they make such a big fat deal out of Thanksgiving Day football. Yaaaaaawn. In my view, it's the parade that's the must-see Turkey Day TV. I should say the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, but apparently you can only claim to have watched that if you'd tuned in on NBC. Over on CBS, I believe it's called the All American Thanksgiving Day Parade. Y'know, that used to mess me up as a kid...I thought there were 2 different parades going on. It's been that way since forever-- Macy's does not permit CBS to say its name. Must be some bad blood there. I wonder what went down. It's got to be some rights ownership thing. But don't such deals come up for renewal after so many years? Like NFL games for instance-- haven't they switched networks a few times??

Anyways I watched the WHOLE parade this year, and that pleased me immensely(usually I only catch part of it). I started out toggling between NBC & CBS but then my toggling finger got tuckered out and I parked it on CBS. Mostly because CBS's "man-on-the-street" correspondent doing crowd interviews was Neil Patrick Harris. I found him to be quite witty and charming in that capacity. I'm all for him hosting the Oscars (although I'm sure he's not big-name enough for that gig) that's how dazzled I was by his correspondent skills. I'm thinking I actually like him more now that he's been outed. I've long wanted a gay amigo in my posse (as I've said before). I think, in my head, I've cast Neil Patrick Harris as my pretend gay best friend. Until I get me a real one. That could be a while though, as acquiring a laptop takes priority over snagging a gay guypal.
There's 3 of us in the office today and bidness is slower than a comatose snail. I know most people don't work on the day after Thanksgiving, and most of the company is closed down, but the thought is that not all of our customers are closed today, so we need to have some customer service & technical support personnel in today. So you have to volunteer to work on a day that, officially, we're closed. Same thing with the day after Christmas. So I'm usually pretty eager to take the day after Thanksgiving because then I feel I've got a valid excuse to not volunteer for Boxing Day duties. Anyways, I can't believe I'm getting paid extra to be here today. If any of our customers are open today, then they must be taking a prolonged tryptophan-induced siesta. I've sent out 2 faxes today, fielded 1 call and I watched an entire episode of Grey's Anatomy (on ABC's website). I don't mind a slow day but this is RIDICULOUS. Methinks I'll do some 'net Christmas shopping later.
The other day I wanted to recommend a movie, but my cinematic blathering got all taken up by weak-ass tribute to Robert Altman. Monday night I caught "The Shop Around the Corner" on TCM. I'd already seen it (I own it), but this recent viewing reminded me what a good flick it is. If you're not B&W movie-phobic, then I recommend renting it. Is it weird for me to be crushing on circa 1940 Jimmy Stewart?? Probably a little, but it's not like I'm writing him fan mail or anything...

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

1001th time is the charm

So my last ditch bid to post a Popeye picture was successful as evidenced by the Popeye pic in the previous post. I had other stuff to say...and I can't remember....DAG-FUCKING-NABBIT!!

R.I.P. Robert Altman

Just read that Robert Altman died yesterday. In doing some imdb background checking, I discovered that though he's had quite a few Oscar nominations, last year's Lifetime Achievement Oscar (I think the official Academy terminology would be "Honorary Oscar" but whatev) was his first and only win. I hope that didn't have anything to do with it. I mean, an Honorary Oscar seems like a fine achievement and generally I think any recipient would welcome it, but, psychologically...I see how it could be perceived as a jinx. Or seen as sort of the yanking away of the proverbial carrot, knowwhatimean Vern?

Didn't he say something during his Oscar acceptance speech about having a heart transplant?? I swear I recall a mention of a heart transplant in there somewhere.

Anyways, I enjoy a lot of Altman films...I own McCabe & Mrs Miller/ Nashville/ The Long Goodbye/Popeye/&Gosford Park and have rented (and really liked) 3 Women (1977).

Here follows my praise for my three faves---

1. Gosford Park-- I have friends that have denounced this an utter snooze but I just loved it. I mean, to begin with, a turn-of-the-century (20th) British manor setting-- that is sooo my milieu. You had me at British!! It really honed in on the lifestyle & mindset of the "below stairs" folk and was the first cinematic exploration of that (that I had seen)

But now the big bonuses...it had Kelly McDonald in it, and I haven't seen her in too much of anything, but she is so lovely in a really refreshingly nonconventional way. It's the only movie I've seen her in where she gets to be free w/ her native Scottish brogue. Scottish accents kick arse.

But most importantly, this film--God love it-- was the one that first brought to my attention what a magnificent piece of eye candy Clive Owen is. I just adore him. Whenever I play MASH he is guaranteed a slot on my 5 Boys List. (that wasn't meant to be a tie-in to the Altman themed post...just a crrrrazy cosmic coincidence, that)

2. Popeye-- I really love this movie. It was like a live action comic musical, and, incidentally one of the first movies I ever recall seeing as a wee tot. We went to the drive in to see it, and brought plums from home rather than patronize the skanky snack bar and the only part I remember from my first ever showing of it is one the early scenes--I think it was the opening scene ( probably I dozed off shortly after...I was only 3, after all) where Popeye is rowing in a fierce storm.

Anyways, I've since added Popeye to my DVD library and I've seen it many times. I know it's trite and oversaid to enthuse "(insert actor's name here) was BORN to play this role!!" but I just gotta say it-- "Shelly Duvall was BORN to play Olive Oyl!!" If I didn't happen to know that the comic strip "Popeye" predated Shelly Duvall by 20 yrs than I woulda presumed she was the inspiration for Olive Oyl. Which is, of course, another way of saying she was born to play the role. Me being redundant. On to the next bullet point...

I loved, loved, loved Popeye in this movie-- from his scrinched-up face to his freakshow forearms. I own a pair of Popeye jammie pants and it may be my appreciation for Robin Williams' portrayal of Popeye that compelled me to buy said jammie pants. I got so worn down typing that ginormous sentence (probably a run-on sentence) that I nearly typed "Robbie Williams' portrayal of Popeye"....now THAT would be an oddball alternate universe. His portrayal would probably be horrific skin-ripped-off Sailor Man who loves spinach. Ohmigod, I don't remember what song that was, but did you ever see that video?? It was a perfectly normal (if a little dull) video for a fairly mundane song until--BWWWARGH!--there's Robbie sans skin. It was one of those monumentally traumatizing music videos like Metallica's "One" or NIN "Closer". Sorry...overcome by a bit of a tangent there...

Anyways, I'm not much of a Robin Williams fan, and not prone to uniformly praise everything he does (actually the opposite is probably true...RW is a smidge too manic for my liking) but he was a terrific Popeye. Popeye, in this movie, is probably one of my top movie dads. #1 is most definitely Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch, but Popeye is high up on the list. Maybe I will type the whole list out for my Father's Day post. Remind me, okay??

3. The Long Goodbye-- Really good dialogue in this movie. I love Elliot Gould's character--just dripping with a very low key sarcasm (so, in other words, very relateable- from my perspective) OK, so I'd like to expound upon the virtues of this movie but, no can do. I'm just SPENT , kiddies. Aside from being possessed by nasty tangent demons, I also tried (unsuccessfully) like a thousand times to post a Popeye picture. Grrr.

More tomorrow...

Monday, November 20, 2006

there is a season (turn, turn, turn..)

I find I am very anal about seasonal items being used in the according season. For instance, if it be July, and the li'l muffins request "Arthur's Valentine" as their bedtime story, I will actually try and talk them out of it. Oh, if they whine enough, I will give in...but that reading of "Arthur's Valentine" will lack the sparkle and genuineness that I would give to it between mid January and Feb 28.
The same goes with music...and this is why I was contemplating this... stuff played on the radio today that kinda ruffled my feathers. First off, on the way in to work I heard The Beach Boys. I no wanna hear The Beach Boys in November!! The offending song was "California Girls", which doesn't quite reference summer exactly or summer activities (as many Beach Boys songs are wont to) but The Beach Boys are an aptly named crew, the boys just have sunshine in their larynxes, I guess. Even when they sing "Little Saint Nick" I think summer. My fave Beach Boys tune, by the way (veering slightly off topic, only because I knew you were dying to know!) well, I like their slower, non-surfy stuff, I think numero uno would be "God Only Knows" with "Don't Worry Baby" as a close second and a very special honorable mention to "Poppa OOoo Mow-mow" because that is some kooky-hilarious shit right there. And then during lunch I heard The Cure's "Friday I'm in Love" and that irked me as well. Even though I adore the Cure and love that song, that was NOT kosher by me. Friday happens to be my favorite day of the week, and I don't need a song rubbing it in my face how it is NOT Friday, and on vile, ucky Monday, of all days. Conversely, it would displease me to hear "Manic Monday" Tues-Sun.

I bought this lip gloss at Bath & Bodyworks that has these natural lip plumping elements in it. I'm starting to see these lip plumping lip glosses all over the place (I have a few already--Sally Hansen, Bonnie Belle... yeah, yeah, I know, real high end stuff) lately. It's odd how they suddenly cropped up -- because it's not new technology, Lip Venom has been out for aaaaages and that's the same deal (it's the original in that whole makeup genre, actually) but for aaaages, it was just Lip Venom for your cheapie drugstore faux collagen injex needs, but now these lip plumping glosses are everywhere...so maybe Lip Venom had had legal rights to the recipe...a patent that just expired or something. Anyways... the stuff they sell at Bath & Bodyworks does a pretty good job, I must attest. I don't quite have those Angelina Jolie futon lips, but the smoocher is noticeably fuller. And poutier. But that could just be me pouting. I'm never very smiley on Mondays, y'know. The name of the color I bought is "Spiced Apple Rapture". I think "rapture" is a bit over the top...after all, it doesn't make me moan or shudder when I apply, or anything like that.

Thursday, November 16, 2006


UUUUUUUNNNNNGHH! If my wit-constipated brain had a voice--that is what it would be saying. Straining itself ragged trying to poop out an informative and/or amusing post for its devoted readership.


Today was hellah busy and it sucked, sucked, sucked. It sucked like when you try to consume your Frosty via straw immediately after getting it from the drive-thru (that's like skull-trembling sucking..but you have to do it. You have to make Frostys last. They are DELICIOUS). You know what I hate more than being busy? I hate it when people say "I like it when it's busy. Makes the day go faster." Uggh. That's right up there with people saying "I love a challenge" HOW F*ING NAUSEATING. Don't ever utter either of those 2 phrases in my presence. I WILL WHACK YOU FOR FROSTY MONEY.

Must comment on my comrade Kara's post from today--rather, one of her 500 posts from today (sheeesh!). It was this one --brief but thought provoking. I was inclined to post a comment there --since I am in "The Office" state of mind (with a "super-size" eppy on tonight's docket too boot. I'm not all that impressed by the lengthened time slot though...probably it means extra commercials) But I needed blog fodder of my own (see constipated noggin diatribe from 2 min ago...above) so I am voicing my views here. I would not say exactly that I am on "Team Karen"...ultimately I DO want Pam & Jim together (of course, that's like a given...I don't think there's a single "Office" fan opposed to that notion) However, I feel Jim deserves 1, maybe 2 flings before he gives Pam another chance. I mean, she SOOO blew it. He laid his soul bare in last season's finale-- not once, but TWICE. And she got all emotionally retarded and clammed up on him. I realize she was still technically committed to asshead Roy at the time, so I'm not saying she should've eloped with him or even hit the sheets with him (although -really-how could she resist??) but she could've given the guy a wee tiny smidgeon of encouragement, no? He must have been heartbroken and mortified and all sorts of displeased. And then he had to move away. And moving sucks. It's a lot of packing and lifting and really cuts in to one's sitting on yer ass time. So yeah, Jim belongs w/ Pam & vice versa blah, blah ,blah, but I'd like to see Jim get a bit of revenge first, y'know? There should be a "Team Jim" shirt. That one I would buy....

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

foresight and bad nutritional choices

So I've been staking out my friendly neighborhood vending machine (more specifically the one in the cafeteria outside my office) for about a week and a half now. I've been glaring at the D4 slot in particular, where resided a horrid BROWN SUGAR & CINNAMON POP TART. Now it is common knowledge that Brown Sugar & Cinnamon is one of the lowest, most reviled pariahs in PopTartville. In fact, probably the only Tart lower down in the Pop Tart caste system are those funky blue & purple ones they make for kids that even kids don't actually wanna eat. So accordingly no one was buying this BS & C Pop Tart in D4. I certainly didn't want to buy it. YUCK. But I would stare at the Pop Tart daily just the same, as I could see, just behind it, was a STRAWBERRY FROSTED POP TART, which, I don't need to tell y'all is like, the QUEEN of PopTartville. So I was coveting this Strawberry Poptart without any realistic hopes of attaining it. It was kind of a li'l exercise in masochism. I mean, NOBODY, likes Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Pop Tarts, I had imagined it would develop a thick shroud of cobwebs, settle in and tenure itself in D4 long past its 2010 expiration date. Looking at the imprisoned "Queen Tart" I would sometimes consider composing a company-wide email imploring my coworkers to please, somebody, be merciful, buy the Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Pop Tart and take one for the team , FOR THE LOVE OF BENJI!! But then I would sigh, and think "It just wasn't meant to be, Sanny. It just...wasn't (sniff!) meant (sob) to be!!" And then I would sigh again...for emphasis.

So this afternoon, I had dashed out to the caf with the intent to buy peanut M&Ms (nemma-nems as I like to call them...I seem to retain all the cutesy verbal idiosyncrasies that my nieces outgrow...ie: "nemma-nems" and calling meatloaf "MeePo" It 's probably not as cute in me, but whatev) I wasn't even going to brood over D4. But luckily I DID glance that way and....yoooou guessed it! Oh fortuitous denoument! Happy happy joy joy! Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santy Claus-- somebody bought the accursed Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Pop Tart!!! I didn't even want a Pop Tart, but I bought it so that I could hoard it. I could see that behind Strawberry was ANOTHER Brown Sugar & Cinnamon and so if I missed out on seizing this Strawberry it would be another 2 wks before I had another opportunity. And I also got my peanut nemma-nems.

I just wanted to check in for the sake of being blog-diligent, but reeeally not much to report as of late. Hence a whopping 2 paragraphs on Pop Tarts....

Sorry chums...

Monday, November 13, 2006

Makin' Whoopi

In celebrity birthday news, it's Whoopi Goldberg's birthday today... can you believe this chick is 51??? Seriously, I thought she was at least 5 yrs older than that. Honestly, I am not much of a Whoopi fan...I never enjoyed the Oscars on the years she hosted and I was sickened by her audacity to make herself perpetual center square back when she was producing Hollywood Squares. But nonetheless, her birthday caught my attention...initially because I'm astounded that she's that young. And then it moved me to wonder....was it ever explained just what the hell happened to her eyebrows?? If it's some genetic fluke and she was, like, born sans brows, than I don't want to dwell on it really (that would be callous of me). But if she deliberately & permanently rid herself of her eyebrows ...I want to know how she did it. I have no intention to get rid of my eyebrows entirely, but there's a bit of upper brow growth, some sub-brow growth and a wee faint bit of between the brows hairiness that I have to keep in check with periodic tweezings. But tweezing's a bitch...I'm definitely open to alternatives. Maybe I will write to Whoopi. I imagine her fan mail is pretty scarce, I bet she'd be stoked to get my letter.

In awesome celebrity birthdays, we have Gerard Butler turning 37 today. He's not quite A-list yet, but I do find him terribly foxy AND he has a Scottish accent (tremendous bonus there....most likely a by-product of him actually being from Scotland) .

This weekend was fairly sucky. My poor niecey Lucy had to get stitches in her face on Saturday. She had grabbed one of Chloe's snow globes and slipped with it (feet clad in slippery tights on the hardwood floor) and her face fell into the broken glass. If the cuts do scar after her stitches come out, it won't be all that bad, because ultimately the 2 cuts (cheek and lip) weren't too sizable, but I guess it gushed lots of blood when it happened. And Laura said it was even scarier when they had to put her under to do the stitches-- they had to stick her with a HUGE needle and give her oxygen and all that. But to put a Pollyanna spin on the whole situation, she IS quite lucky that she didn't get any glass bits in her eyes or mouth.

Well, nothing makes up for a shitty weekend and a drab Monday back in the office like droppin' some moolah frivolously at Borders. So that is what I am going to do rrrrright NOW. Ciao bella donkeykong!!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

quickie lunch blog

Let's see if I can manage to crank one out quickly...I just got back from a walk to Shaw's where I procured a quart of Pellegrino and a bowl of Portugese Kale soup for lunch. It's shameful... I'm surprised the building didn't collapse upon my approach...what with all the huffing & puffing I was doing. Well, I did kinda speed walk. But still...daaaamn.

I was taking a bit of a risk with the Portugese Kale soup as I'd never before tried it... but it's good. It's got kale, onions, celery, kidney beans, carrots, potato, and cubed up sausage or kelbasa. I don't know what sort of meat it is, honestly. It tastes alright, but I don't like to look at it. It's pretty nasty looking there on my spoon so I shove it hastily into my mouthhole without further perusal. So, I probably will NOT figure out what meat is afloat in this soup, unless I think to reserve a nugget to seal up in a business envelope and then send it off to the lab for testing.... wait, I've already used up my lab budget for the month...it seems the world will never know.

I was watching some vids on VH1 Classics the other night (enjoying the hell out of it now before Adelphia cruelly yanks it from moi) and I caught "I Wanna Be a Cowboy" by Boys Don't Cry. I was absolutely over the f-ing MOON!! I've always loved that song...(if they'd followed up with Baltimora's "Tarzan Boy" I would've wet myself. But alas, that was not meant to be) and its singer has always intrigued me with his delivery of the titular line. He sounds like he really truly DOES want to be a cowboy, and also he sounds a bit angry about it. I think that his present inability to be a cowboy infuriates him. Furthermore, he is ever mindful of time constraints on realizing his dream--as evidenced by the oddly fatalistic last line of the song. "My name is Ted. And one day...I'll be dead". See, at first glance it seems like a frothy one hit wonder, but this is THESIS PAPER FODDER, baby. And that's why I enjoy "I Wanna Be A Cowboy". Because, I'm like, deep and stuff. (Coming soon: my lecture series on Human League's "Don't You Want Me?"...)

Of course, I was not so wrapped up in retro video goodness that I missed Nip/Tuck (never!!) I hope Julia's confession means that she and Marlowe are NOT going to have an encore in the sack. Maybe it is wicked and closed minded of me, but when those two hit the sheets I had to use the protective grid of my fingers to look at the screen (that's like how I have to watch the N/T surgery scenes). And I found myself chanting "Ew ew ewww ew ew ew ewww!" against my will. Also, who woulda pegged Escobar for being such a font of sage advice? It was indeed good timing for Sean to come clean about his own little nanny faux pas. Well, ideally he would've confessed right after Julia did (while he had the Mrs writhing up against the wall --that woulda been an ideal moment right there) But I suppose he chose the second most opportune moment... how convenient to be able to follow up a bombshell like that with "Oh, and some guy got shot in our den"

Time for me to jet my pets... ciao!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

the Boss and applesauce (cake)

This past weekend I went to Burlington-- on a holiday shopping mission this time, not a bar hopping expedition. And I spent with wild abandon...oy!! The fact that it was mostly gift purchases somewhat assuages my guilt but I still do feel a bit bad (yep, being broke feels bad). My immediate fam's birthdays are unfortunately scheduled too-- Chloe turns 9 on Nov 29, Sadie will be 4 on Dec 19, Greg's b-day is Jan 5, my Dad on Jan6, Seth will be 7 on Jan 31, and then my sister's b-day is on Feb 5. This means that I tend to buy double for all of those people (except for my sis) and then divide their loot in 2: birthday loot & Christmas loot. Which is all fine and good for them, but a bit ouchy to my wallet. I tried to convince my sister (I made a good argument I think) that now is the time to just decide to change Sadie's birthday. We don't have any immediate family with a summer birthday. Wouldn't something in early June be nice? She could have pool parties or barbecues!! And she'd never remember that from age 1 until 4 (I thought we could leave her 2006 birthday as is) she had a December birthday. I don't think Laura was going for it...

Anyways I spent so much money that even if it wasn't all TOP SECRET CHRISTMAS LOOT , I would not itemize my purchases here (as I've been known to do). I just...I...I feel dirrrrty.

Y'know what else makes me feel dirty...Bruce Springsteen circa 1985. Ok, well, not really dirty. But I was watching VH1 classics last night (if I get that on my free preview channel for another week I will be mucho mucho stoked-0) and his great "Dancin' in the Dark" video came on. Hey, crude aside here, if David Arquette ever amuses himself w/ hot lesbian fantasies about the Mrs, then he's probably got a well worn copy of this video. How butch does Courtney look here? Zoinks!

Anyways it struck me that I have not given Brucie ample credit for his past handsomeness. Ok, not that he's a decrepit pile of shit now, he's held up rather well for 57 yrs old actually, he's simply past the age where he's my cup o' tea. But back in '84 or '85 I woulda let him be the Boss...ok that came out creepy when you do the math (my being 8 in 1985, and all) but we're talkin' time machine or clone scenario here... like maybe the time machine I've been tinkerin' with in my parents' cellar will suddenly get operational and 2006 Sandra will beam herself into the "Dancin' in the Dark " video shoot and disable Courtney Cox with a well-aimed elbow to the face, then take her place. Or Doc Brown will trick out 1985 Springsteen's Chevy pickup with a flux capacitor enabling him to visit 2006. Or 1985 Springsteen had the foresight to freeze some DNA of himself and he's just got around to defrosting the freezer and used that DNA to make a clone of his 21 years ago self.... a BossClone that I will--through some wild and convoluted chain of happenstance--meet at Denny's on some Thursday at 2:30 in the a.m. Ok, the abridged version is: I am not 8 yrs old in whatever hypothetical scenario where I have my fling con el jefe.

It amuses me that I would find the Boss alluring in this video, because in his dance moves I detected a hint of George Michael (not "Faith" era GM, I'm referencing here the Wham years and specifically the leaping and bopping spectacle that was his "Wake Me Up you Go-Go" vid) and a slight dash of The Lord of the Prance ...Mr Billy Squier In short, his dancing is a wee bit... oh, I dunno, fey. Just a bit. I mean, certainly in this regard he is no match for Squier. Yeah Squier even trumps Wham...it's pretty ridiculously redunkulous. I advise clicking the link as it MUST be seen to be believed.

But anyways, back to the Boss.... There is no good reason that I would adore him so. There's only 3 songs of his that I really dig. I think he has some magic Boss mojo that makes him thus. Something innately lovable about the guy, y'know??

My absolute favorite Springsteen song is "I'm On Fire" and I've long been pissed about its exclusion from Springsteen's ubiquitous Greatest Hits CD. Y'know the one. . . .

Anyways, my #1 fave Boss song is not on there at all. That is a HEINOUS oversight. That song is all dark, and I always thought it had a kind of pervy undercurrent to it. What's not to love? And Brucie...it would most definitely provide a counterpoint to the rest of your Heartland rock, salt-of-the-earth type repertoire...y'know show that you have range, eh? Whatev. So I was ruminating about this song today and I actually found the video on Yahoo music and so I enjoyed that while I partook of my cube of Alan's Vending applesauce cake (with raisins). Both were delicious.

Ciao for now dearies....

Friday, November 03, 2006

nighty night!! No let the bed buggies bite--OW!!

Subject line inspired by this news item. Not a terribly compelling bit o' news, that. But it did catch my eye.... and this is why--
1. Maya Rudolph is shacking up with PT Anderson?? Last I knew, Anderson was in a relationship with Fiona "THIS WORLD IS BULLSHIT" Apple (hmm, can't imagine why he'd split from a sweetheart like that) I guess this just stuns me because the media is so overrun with all this incredibly vital CELEBRITY COUPLE NEWS that it seems inconceivable that there could exist a celebrity couple that I am not aware of.
2. Check out that picture. This chick keeps the SNL make-up department in bidness, yo. That is not to be interpreted as me saying Maya Rudolph is ugly...this picture just reveals her to be far MOLEY-ER than she appears to be on my TV. I don't know if anyone can back me up on this, as I believe I am one of maybe 11 remaining loyal viewers of SNL. Well, anyways, in summation, to quote the honorable Mr Austin Powers: Moley, moley, moley, moley, moley! Guacamole, moley!!
3. One of the principle players in this saga is one Mr Frances Feeney. That's Frances.
Feeney. .....Francis Feeney. Teee hee heeehee

My sister gets all these catalogs for quality educational toys...I enjoy a good toy catalog. It definitely hasn't the literary merit of a J Peterman, but it's a waaay more entertaining read than a Cabela's. Anyways, she had such a catalog on her toilet-side table --some company called "Young Explorers". I was astounded to find this lowbrow bear (click on pic to check it out) amongst the offerings of enriching and educational products...

The "The Gas We Pass " book I can almost get. If you find it absolutely necessary to enlighten your kids on the "science of flatulence" then I suppose a "colorfully illustrated 28 page hardcover book" would be the route to go. But the bear? Please!! We are born into this world as hoggers, innately amused by flatulence. Kids really don't need toys that exalt/ encourage that kind of behavior. Oy. Save yourself 30 bucks (ok, $29.95 to be precise) and give your children a can of beans. You kids want fart-induced hilarity? Well, you might as well get a protein & vitamin B1 fix while you're at it-- chow down.

Speaking of bears.... apparently Teddy Ruxpin is coming out of retirement. I wonder how that is gonna work out, since I'm seeing this newcomer all over the place. I predict the tension will be tangible in the Walmart plush toy aisle, as Playskool ( who produced Teddy Ruxpin from the late 80s until his retirement in '96) is the company behind this TJ Bearytales wannabe chump. On to a younger and cuter model are you, Playskool? Oh, I know that tune. You BASTARDS.

hola toasted monkeyface

What's crack-a-lackin' mah bitches??? I saved a conference banter from this a.m. I thought it was a good illustration of how interoffice instant messaging technology saves me from lapsing into a boredom coma. Plus I thought it might provide some kind of voyeuristic thrill, allowing youse guys to read some of the ACTUAL idiotic bullshit we write...

Anyways I copied the whole dialogue into Microsoft Paint, just so I could obscure the names of the innocent (until proven guilty). I especially want to blot out the name of the dude who I slammed for having a limp & lifeless handshake. Well, that is a big deal with me--that initial handshake upon introduction. I'm rather a fan of the hearty handshake and a wussy handshake could just prejudice me against you forever. Well not forever...but for a goodly amount of months, let's just say. Maybe I should take it as a compliment and presume that this new person sees me as some delicate blossom and is handling me accordingly (and--really-that would not offend me like it would some people). But I can't help it.. my natural perception of a feeble handshake is just that the shaker isn't really feeling it, y'know--just offering you a polite but emotionally devoid handshake but not a sincere gesture of friendship. Well, as much as I dislike a wussy handshake, I still didn't want to publicly scorn this guy.
I'm not sure why most of the pics, when posted, show up as black squares. Well, no matter, it kind of lends it an aura of mystery or somethin'. But if you click on the squares, you can read it.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Make with the tender happiness and frills, babe. And don't forget my pan!

I just read the loopiest thing--Scientology wedding vows. They do have that weird culty undercurrent to them that one would expect from anything Scientology-related, but for the most part, they give off a loopy Dr Seuss-esque vibe. They just silly...check 'em out...

The minister to the bride:
“And do you take/His fortune/At its prime and ebb/And seek/With him best fortune/For us all?/Do you?”
and then says to the groom:
“Now, (groom's name),/girls need clothes/And food and/Tender happiness and frills/A pan, a comb,/perhaps a cat/All caprice if you will/But still/They need them./Do you then/Provide?/Do you?”

the preceding was pasted direct from an MSNBC article. Anyways, I think it's when they get into the itemization of wifely requirements that the vows veer off into One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish territory. "A pan, a comb, perhaps a cat......a plaster gnome... a chartreuse hat"

Mostly it just makes me want to run out and snag me a Scientology stud. I've been wondering how on Earth I was going to acquire that pan I've been yearning for. Not to mention that comb I've been eyeing down tah the dollar store. Just think of all the copious loot made available if you sign up to become a Scientology wife. Not to mention tender happiness and frills and all that happy horseshit. Sounds much better than marrying into Mormonism, doesn't it??

So today is the birthday of Carl Ditters von Dittersdorf...who turns 267 years young today. Also born on Nov 2 (back in 1865) was this dude:

Doesn't he look like a MEAN bastard?? Well, I don't want to make any assumptions based on just one surly mugged photo, but still... sheeeesh. That's 29th prez Warren G Harding, by the way. And despite what this pic seems to indicate, the G does NOT stand for Grumpy nor Grouchy. The dude's middle name was "Gamaliel" Pretty snazzy, I thought. And just an FYI for y'all, I did not learn that from wikipedia, rather that is noted on the Presidents of the United States of America (Los presidentes de los Estados Unidos de America) plastic placemat I have hanging up on my cubicle walls. I love educational placemats. And I don't learn everything from wikipedia.

So I told mi amiga Robin that Harding's middle name was Gamaliel and she counter-educated me that that is a Biblical name...the name of some high priest in the Bible. She is quick with the Bible-smarts, that one. I've never heard of Gamaliel. But y'know Robin is a Baptist just like Warren G Harding was...so maybe the Baptist folk dwell more on obscure high priests than we Roman Catholics do. Whatev. I bet if the Jeopardy category were "Saints" I would kick her ass though.

I am going to mentally bookmark the name "Gamaliel" as a possible pet name or prized inanimate object name (y'know like how one might name their car or their wooden leg or something).

I watched the Thriller video on Yahoo music this afternoon. Not the same kick as having it come on the radio but it was a worthwhile diversion nonetheless. You know, compared to how MJ looks now... zombieMJ is a downright HOTTIE.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Dia De Los Muertos

I am officially irked at my entire local radio community. Yes, I am one of those subversive Luddites that does not subscribe or listen to satellite radio. Furthermore, I am sooooo technologically stunted that I don't even have my CD player installed in my car. So I listen to the radio.

Maybe modern technology is partially to blame here. Could it be that traditional radio stations, convinced that everyone is plugged into their Ipods or listening to Sirius, and that they have lost ALL their listeners, maybe they think then that no one will be disappointed when they fail to play "Monster Mash" and/or "Thriller" for Halloween.

Well I was listening radio community, and I was immensely disappointed. And on MY BIRTHDAY no less ! DaaaaAAAMN IT!!

However I should mention that Q106 somewhat redeemed itself today by playing Led Zeppelin's Heartbreaker during my lunch hour. None of the rest of y'all are off the hook though!!!

My birthday was...uhh, well, it certainly wasn't a bad day, but it was..meh. On the one hand, I'm thinking: "That's just fine. It's okay to have a "meh" birthday. After all, it's tremendously arrogant of you, this notion you foster that the world revolves around it being your birthday." But the other part of me is inordinately bummed that I had a "meh" birthday, since I feel certain that in Oct 2007, at the dawn of my third decade, my talent for having or producing fun will decrease by--at the very least-- 50%. If this suspicion has any validity...well, maybe I should designate 2007 as my year to "make hay while the sun shines"....whatever that might entail.

Today in Mexico is Dia De Los Muertos--"Day of the Dead". Accordingly I am wearing a red do-rag with skulls on it. Now it is COMPLETELY COINCIDENTAL that commemorate Dia De Los Muertos with a skull themed do-rag day fell on the very same day as skip-a-morning-shower-because-you-want-15-more-minutes-of-sleep day.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

You say it's your birthday? It's my birthday too YEAH

If I were a restauranteur, I would not shy away from the much maligned practice of serenading patrons who are out celebrating their birthday. This tradition embarrasses your customers and demeans the staff simultaneously...so yeah, very handy, I would definitely make it mandatory policy. I think I'd make the staff put on Ray Bans and have one of them hold up a boombox (Lloyd Dobler style) and blast the Beatles's "Birthday" and have them all sing along. And I want the volume up to 11. Off key shout-singing is a plus. And if anyone is found to be just mouthing the words, they will be fired immediately and publicly.

And here is that terrific birthday song that makes that lameass old timey "Happy Birthday to You" burn itself with lit birthday candles in fits of mad self-hatred...

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you

Yes we're going to a party, party
Yes we're going to a party, party
Yes we're going to a party, party

I would like you to dance (birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (birthday)
I would like you to dance (birthday)
Ooo, dance, yeah I would like you to dance (birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (birthday)
I would like you to dance (birthday)
Ooo, dance
You say it's your birthday It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's you birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you

Altered Images's "Happy Birthday", also a good alternate birthday tune, although I would not have my hypothetical future waitstaff sing that one.

So yeah, it's mah birfday (go. go.go..go Shawty) and Halloween. If I don't hear Thriller or Monster Mash before midnight tonight, I just might throw a fucking tantrum.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Who will buy my sweet red roses? Two blooms for a penny...

Hey comrades. Sorry for being incommunicado yesterday. I actually did log on with intent to post, but it was my foul luck that I did so when Blogger was down for maintenance for an hour. You didn't miss much from yesterday. I had a very meeting filled morning. I had to sit through an absolutely mind numbing all employee meeting. I only wish I'd had the foresight to paint eyeballs on my glasses lenses and then I could've managed an hour long nap ('cause that trick works, right? I mean, I presume so, as it fooled Mrs Grundy in all my old Laff Digests) And then a bunch of us had to phone in to this totally unnecessary training on the SPR database. That would've been a REAL drag, if it weren't for instant messaging. Our interoffice email system has this instant messaging feature that allows you to chat in groups, and throughout this training conference call Laurel, Robin, & I were maintaining an entertaining IM banter-- cracking jokes, ridiculing the trainers, chatting about hookers and pooping in your pants. You know...very cerebral, high-class discourse.

I have added the Channel Islands (specifically the Bailiwick of Geurnsey) to my fanciful "Places to See when Globe- trotting Someday" list that I maintain in my head. Something about the place intrigues me. Check out their site and if you wanna come with, just let me know...

I completed my costume construction efforts on Wednesday night, so I suppose I can safely reveal that I am going to be a Grecian Goddess for Halloween. I think, specifically, I'll be Athena. She had such a cool birth story...Zeus like, had a noggin-caesarean and Athena popped out full-grown and in armor. Wiiild.

Gotta jet my pets... hope y'all have a SPLENDIFEROUS weekend!!!!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

meatloaf maaaadness!!

Adelphia has VH1 Classics as the free preview of the week. This is quite welcome indeed, after 2 weeks of the snooze-inducing Outdoor Network. However, last night on VH1 was Meat Loaf night. And NO, I am not talking about the ground beef entree, I adore that meatloaf. Apparently the only press coverage the upcoming Bat Out Of Hell III is getting (Bat Out Of Hell III? Seriously? Just how many bats are emigrating from Hell? Is it really so hard to come up with a different name??) is from VH1 Classics. But y'know the folks at VH1 Classics, God love 'em, they're doing a bang up job of promoting the piece of crap (or should I say...GUANO?? HAAAA!!) Last night they had an hour long interview with Mr Loaf hisself (aired twice ) and they also played a biographical TV movie "Meatloaf: To Hell and Back" . It seems I am a sucker for these VH1 biopics. This one I was compelled to keep flipping back to (during Nip/Tuck commercial breaks) just waiting on something--anything-- noteworthy to happen. I mean, at least the MC Hammer story had crack dealers shooting people and the dead skunk in the pool. I really don't see the necessity of a Meat Loaf biopic. I'm really straining the noggin and...nothing. I still don't get it. But if they had to make it (and apparently someone did) I think they should have named the movie "...But I Won't do THAT". That would've piqued my interest even before the opening shot flickered across my telly. I would think " Oh my! 'THAT' really is as freakydeaky and unmentionable an act as I'd theorized it was back in '92!! And it's going to be revealed at long last in this crappy VH1 movie! I absolutely MUST tune in!!" Oh, and the dude they got to star really looked a hell of a lot like Meat Loaf. So if the acting thing was a bust, he could certainly get work as a Meat Loaf decoy who protects ML from getting mobbed by overzealous fans (Oh no! We were actually accosting Tofu Loaf the whole time!! Foiled again!) HAaaa...as if that ever happens. Well, alternately, if Meat Loaf were taking classes in night school, but realized that this guy (henceforth referred to as Tofuloaf) is smarter than he is...then he could go in to class for ML during exams.

After the movie they played a video for "Paradise By the Dashboard Lights". I'm not sure if they set out to do a video and just decided to do the plain ol' concert footage style video, OR if somebody took actual concert footage and later turned it into a makeshift video. Well anyhow, it was concert footage --either staged or real. And I do believe that the chick on stage is the very chick that sings on that track. Now during the heavy petting/ baseball part of the song, it cuts between the concert footage and old baseball clips , although I wish they'd just shown the baseball footage only because ...uggh. Meat Loaf was genuinely MAULING this poor lady. There was GROPING and there was SMOOCHING and she was getting all his Meat sauce all over her...well, actually she looked fairly dry...but she must've gotten at least somewhat soggy because they were all entwined and Meat Loaf was sweating BARRELLS (forget buckets) as I believe is his onstage custom. Anyways I felt bad for the chick...it's not like she's some rap video ho, she is a professional singer. Even if she got adequate financial compensation for that (and I doubt it) still….how flippin’ degrading, eh?

Oh ya know how I was blathering on about old school vinyl Halloween costumes the other day? Well then I find this. Y'know as un-realistic looking as these things are, ya gotta give them beaucoup creativity points for the concept. I mean, the costume industry is definitely putting out a higher end product these days, but it seems to me (after a browse through the retro gallery) that their idea pool is considerably more limited now. Back in tha day I coulda been Hagar the Horrible, or Shaun Cassidy (Da doo ron ron ron ron, da doo ron ron) or Boss Hogg. Y'know, if I found this earlier in October, I honestly think it would've inspired me to dress up as Johnny Tremain for Halloween (in the "Real People" section of the gallery, second row). I wonder if that costume came with a deformed hand mitt??