Wednesday, September 30, 2009

quickie PR rant...

I FINALLY watched the last episode of Project Runway that I had DVRed. I really liked the film genre themed challenge-- the funnest one yet!! Next week's will likely be a let down after that. I don't quite know what it is, of course, but the preview did reveal that it's another team challenge. I hate it when they make 'em team up!! It just means less fabulosity on the runway (oh, bad grammar slip up...what I meant was : FEWER fabulosities on the runway)

But back to this episode... first let me dispense with my pettiest kvetch- Collier Strong kinda freaks me out. There is no need to feature him so prominently in the show. Stop that, Project Runway. He looks like a Marvel comics character come right off the page (probably a villain...and y'know that name of his is a bit comic bookish too, no?).

Anyways-- the important stuff now...

I was betting the farm that they were going to choose to cut Louise over Ra'Mon. That's what I would've done. And also, I thought that choice wasn't in keeping with the usual PR judges' M.O. Could it be the move to Lifetime that has shaken-up the formula? Or is it the mysterioso absence of Michael Kors and Nina Garcia?? Well, anyways, I thought the PR way was that "blah-ness" was always a graver offense than botched and ill-crafted avante garde. Used to be, that if it was proven you'd exhibited some creativity/ vision, that would usually save you from the crapper. Not the case for poor Ra'Mon I'm afraid (though what a gracious exit, don't you think??)

I'm disappointed!! I would've liked to have seen Christopher rewarded for his consistently very cool work. His was definitely my fave (and he & Logan are emerging as my 2 favorite designers at this point). I also would have been glad to see Epperson win. I think he rocked the Western genre (whereas I found Shirin's Western offering to be rather ho-hum).
But hey..I will admit to some bias...Nicolas is such a snotty bitch, I was really rooting for him to just NOT WIN even before setting eyes on his finished design. That dude just IRKS me!! And now he's going to feel even more smug and validated. . .

writing that post reminded me of a few thingies...

...scroll down and scope tonight's earlier post before reading this!!

OK, firstly, there is no such episode of Mr Belvidere. I was trying to emulate the Monty Python crew in a way ( but I , too, overdid it). I have several Python computer games and in one of them (either the Meaning of Life Game or the Holy Grail game, I can't quite recall which) it urges you to "register" the game, and when you agree to, you go through 100+ multiple choice questions, and the questions get weird and it always amuses me how they have at least one answer option that is completely random and has nothing at all to do with the question. I LOVE that. I think I've seen them do that (the wacky multiple choice bit) in more than just that computer game though, but other specific instances are eluding my sleepy noggin right now.

I haven't visited the J Peterman site in aaaaages, but it used to amuse me to pop in there from time to time. Here be the linky goodness if you'd like to check it out w/ me.

Tracking down that clip of the "J Train" cartoon from Sesame Street , that reminded me of 2 neat-o Sesame vids I put on Facebook in various places.

This first one is not directly from the show, but a sort of " fan vid" --but well made and freakin' funny as hell (or so I thought). This, I posted on my friend Roxanne's wall because she's rather fond of Big Bird--

And this next clip I thought was a great find just because it (like the clip of the li'l girl taking her llama to the dentist skit) proves that I'm not delusional. This bit with the kids painting pics on glass (themed around a particular letter) was a recurring bit on the show that I'd fondly reminisced about and none of my co-reminiscers had the slightest idea WTF I was on about...

But see, it really WAS on the show!!

A quick browse thru Carol Wright Gifts...

I feel blogstipated.

Perhaps I simply expend too much energy on the oh-so-ubiquitous FACEBOOK. I dunno. Well, whatever the cause, I fear I must do something gimmicky just to crank out a post and prime the proverbial post pump. Knowwhaddimean??

So here are a few things that caught my eye in the Carol Wright catalog. And no, this is not a repeat from April. This is the REEEEMIIIIIIX!! (haaa)

First off, some stuff I could probably use--

I colored my hair last weekend and just did NOT have the attention span to forge through the hellah ponderous instructions. Test on your skin....section your hair...blahdee blah blah. So f-ing labor intensive, I thought. And I always wonder--trifling detail here-- why haircolor instrux always, ALWAYS have you snip the tip off the coloring squirt bottle, then add in the colorant from bottle B, and shake with your gloved fingertip over the squirt hole. Why not shake-mix the 2 fluid components in the squirty bottle with its tip UNsnipped? Wouldn't that reduce the risk of accidentally drizzling your bathroom counter with haircolor whilest mixing??

Ah, but I digress. I wound up just slopping the mixture arbitrarily on my head (ohhh, section, schmection!!) and lathering it about shampoo-style. It looks alright, but I realize my technique was grossly inept. This brush might be just the thing I need.

This thing is another "just the thing I need". I can be a damned messy eater at times. Unfortunately, if you are donning one of these anytime in your post-high chair, pre-nursing home years, you in danger of being scoffed. Scoffed at. Shit..I don't think scoff works very well as a passive verb. But "scorn" is too strong a word. Well, ya get the idea, don'tcha?

I probably could use this, but I'm going to hold off until I develop a truly Grade A wattle. For some reason, I feel like if I owned this, it's something I'd happen to have kicking around in my car and one day I'd just feel compelled to do it at a traffic light and would be busted by someone in another lane.
That possibly seems a far-fetched scenario (me, wattle-toning in traffic) but I actually *did* find myself preening my lady 'stache in the Taco Bell drive-thru one day. I don't think anybody saw me. However, it occured to me , mid-preen, that I could be on CCTV video surveillance, and what a funny shot that would be if anyone ever reviewed that footage. I dunno, it's probably unlikely that they bother with fast food drive-thru video surveillance in my podunk neck of the woods, but I feel pretty sure they do it some places. After all, when some psycho jackass pops a cap in a Wendy's drive-thru lackey because he couldn't get extra buffalo sauce, don't they always have some grainy footage of it for the local network news affiliate??
Well, I didn't actually pick the "Wizzit" because I foresaw segue possibilities. Actually I just wanted to mock the chick modelling the Wizzit. It's probably not her fault that she is giving potential buyers a total unrealistic imagining of themselves using the Wizzit. One does not make this dreamy smiley face when engaged in unwanted facial hair removal. And furthermore...what the @#$%^ is she looking at? When I do this, I am looking at my philtrum follicles...or the reflection of them in the mirror, rather, but that still has me directing my gaze downwards...
Looks as if the Wizzit coulda totally been Photoshopped into this shot...
nothing smartass to say about this, really. It's just that letters-as-trains give me flashbacks to this Sesame Street clip

Per Carol Wright (she pens all the catalog copy, you know!) the new leopard and zebra prints available for Snuggie are "super-stylish!" I think the print is good idea, but not because I'm any sort of Snuggie fashionista, or because I want something Rrrrawr! to wear on the next Snuggie Pub Crawl, but I think these would work for camoflaging the common Snuggie splotches of shame. Let's face it... you own a Snuggie, it's quite likely you snack in your, that may not be a fact you want glaringly evident on said Snuggie. That leopard print in particular would be handy for hiding dribbles of Ben & Jerry's... depending on your flavor of choice.

Don't know if you can read the schpiel on these slippers. In case you can't, lemme give you the first line of it: "Laugh with joy when you wrap your feet in these 80% cotton / 20% terry comfort wrap slippers"

Ok, first off Carol, it's a little rhetorically clunky to use "wrap" twice in the same sentence. But that's the least of the oddness here. It's that "Laugh with joy" bit... seems like you might have been a smidge burnt out by the time you got to writing this copy and overextended yourself a bit trying to keep it clever (and it somehow, inexplicably, makes me think of Chinese menu writing. I guess oriental cuisine has an abundance of "joy" and "delight" in it) Ok, so it's not J Peterman caliber over-the-top, but it's still stupid.

Oh, and if this is not overstating things, and Carol Wright customers seriously do "laugh with joy" when they put on slippers , then...then....I just don't know. Multiple choice then--
a) These people reeeeally appreciate the simple pleasures. Good for them!!
b) These people ARE simple. Good for them (being able to procure mail-order slippers by themselves)!!
c) These people are probably deranged
d) The episode where Mr Belvidere tried to smuggle a pygmy marmoset into a bowling alley-- HILARIOUS!!

I'm just curious to know.... does a cupcake that is "25 times larger than normal cupcakes" not then qualify for bona fide "CAKE" status?

The people buying this thing need to show some g-d ingenuity and make a HAMBURGER CAKE. I think I have a circa 1994 Woman's World mag I can loan 'em that has instrux...

Thursday, September 24, 2009

rise and fall...on the wings of my dreams

By some crazy fluke of the iPod shuffle, I was surprised by the theme song to "Perfect Strangers" on my drive home from work tonight. I indulged in a spot of unrestrained dorkitude and cranked it up & sang along.

I know it's not much of a post, but I wanted to give y'all a little somethin'-somethin'...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

answer the phone SMILING (ugh..)

We had a ridiculously long meeting today. Actually it was customer service training... 4 1/2 hours of it. I guess, if you're a total customer service ninny, 41/2 hours is not at all excessive. But I'm an ace at lyin--umm, er, I mean an ace at good customer service practices. So I paid more attention to my very thorough note taking.

I'll share with you here all that I learned---

Kanye West doesn't care about Country Music People

I'm kinda amused at the disporportionate amount of Kanye backlash after this recent VMA faux pas. Yeah, it was assholey, he's a rude dog, etc. etc. Y'all new here? Kanye gets that way sometimes. I like the guy anyways, so I'm predisposed to let his recurring "bouts" slide.

So, yeah, I'll admit to some bias. But come's not like he stabbed anybody!! I swear, usually I get more annoyed by a celebrity's post f*ck-up apology junket than I am by the original offense. No doubt Kanye will soon be en route to the Vatican to get papal clemency. Geez.

That Taylor Swift --even though I think she's exemplary of all that is shitty and unbearable in modern music--she is an innocuous little moppet isn't she? A cutesie-wootsie waif of a girl. It was almost like clubbing a baby seal up there. He could NOT have picked a worse target. I seriously doubt the outcry would be so intense if he'd interrupted Green Day or been rude to Russell Brand.

I kinda feel like starting a rumor that Beyonce paid Kanye West to do that. I mean, not only was he spewing pro-Beyonce propaganda, but later she got to right the grave injustice thereby sending her Q rating through the dang roof. You know if that story gains footing, it would somewhat exonerate KW, because, yes, he was a d-bag to Taylor Swift, but it was downright noble how he refrained from ratting out Beyonce. Right? That damn DIABOLICAL Beyonce. All her fault. Remember that. Tell your friends . .. .

Choppity Chop on the Library Construction Fellahs!

I have been saying for aaaages that it would be a wise & (most of all) frugal move for me to get a library card. But I just haven't got around to it (of course I haven't!! Like sooo many other things).

Then, I found myself interested in this building project they're doing on Main St in West Leb, ogling it every time I drove past. I had no idea what it was until August, when they finally put up signage proclaiming it was the future site of The Kilton Public Library. I thought-- ahhh, kismet!! Here, I've been somewhat fixated on this building and it happens to be a library-in-progress...must be the library of my dreams, the one I was MEANT to be affiliated with.

I wish they'd hurry up and wrap it up though, as my DVD & book spending has been a li'l out of control lately. Although some of the the DVD purchases have been pretty sweet deals. Here be a list--

--DVD s--
*Enchanted ($6 at Price Chopper)
*Schoolhouse Rock (yep, "Conjunction Junction" and all that. I couldn't resist!)
*My Favorite Wife (I've read that it's a great Cary Grant fix...and I do love me some pre-1960s Cary Grant. BONUS: it was a mere $3 at Big Lots. Huzzzah!!)
*The Cheap Detective ($4 @ Price Chopper. And I'd been looking for this one!!)

I came thisclose to buying a DVD of Follow That Bird. I just love that movie. My fave part is Chevy Chase's cameo as an anchorman.

*Company of Liars/by Karen Maitland (just finished this one up. It was a very compelling read but BLEAK)
*The Seven Percent Solution / by Nicholas Meyer
*Domino / Ross King
*The Grass Harp / Truman Capote
* Breakfast at Tiffany's /Truman Capote
*Sister Carrie / Theodore Dreiser
*The Saga of Erik the Viking / Terry Jones (yes, that Terry Jones--the Python. I did a browse through the book and was shocked to find it not all that funny. Still, the illustrations were pretty decent and it looked like a good adventure tale, so I bought it for my planning to save it to be a Christmas gift. We'll see if I can hold out)
*What Do You Do Dear?/Sesyle Joslin
*What Do You Say Dear? / Sesyle Joslin (the 2 Joslin books, I'd bought for my nieces & neph and I absolutely ADORE them. "What Do You Say Dear" is slightly better, but they're both so good that I had to snatch them up when I saw them both available. The ones I bought before I had to go thru Amazon. Methinks I'm going to give it to my friend's daughter..Madison..who is only 8mos old at this point, but I feel one is never too young to start amassing a kickass library. I already bought her Margaret Wise Brown's Little Fur Family which is MAAAAD adorable --like the board book equivalent of a baby seal eating cupcakes on a rainbow.)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Bon Appetit!!

Went to see Julie & Julia today. It was a totally adorable movie. Amy Adams somehow made utter unabated self-involvement very loveable, and awesome Meryl Streep was at her awesomest, and I quite enjoyed it. However, that said....

I wonder if I should resent the movie for giving this hyper-idyllic portrayal of matrimony and a CRAZY unrealistic representation of the male gender (thereby fiddling with my expectations, even if my rational self wants to keep them low)

I mean, the husband characters in this movie--selfless! Saintly!! Superhuman!! (insert more fine traits that begins with S here) Especially that Paul Child. Holy shit... I mean, when I first hopped online tonight, I had to do a bit of biographical research about the Childs' homelife. For some perverse reason, I was looking for rumblings of impropriety on his part--him having an affair or him being an opium addict and tormentor of small woodland creatures..I dunno. I swear though, everything written about the guy (that I could find) shows him as doting, loving, UBER-supportive. But, DAMN, I can hardly wrap my head around *that* --how jaded am I??

Thursday, September 10, 2009

keep yer eye on the sparrow

What boy—in his right mind and that is *not* a performance artist of some sort---wants to be named SPARROW??

That’s what Nicole Richie & Joel Madden (I started to type “John Madden” …now THAT would be a story, eh??) named their newborn bundle of joy. Yep, it is really a boy bundle of joy. Well, it’s not like I’ve seen it, and can firsthand verify, but I get this from Yahoo’s OMG! page and they’s SUPER reputable, right?

I think perhaps they were trying to be slant rhymey with their kids’ names—Harlow, Sparrow…see what I mean? Expect #3 to be named Nardo (in keeping with the slant rhyme pattern & also in homage to Marilu Henner’s Taxi character). Garbo would be good, and would match the old Hollywood glamour feel that their firstborn’s name has (I like the name Harlow actually) but after them naming a little boy Sparrow, I don’t hold out much hope for their judgement. It’s a moot issue anyhow…I’d be stunned if these two procreated AGAIN. The expiration date on that romance has to be rollin’ around anyday now, don’tcha think?

Wednesday, September 09, 2009's not just for bears anymore!!

I feel I should throw in a disclaimer that this is one icky anecdote that anyone in their right mind would label a “keep-it-to-yourselfer”. It’s pretty damned embarrassing, but I decided as a public service, to NOT keep it to myself. Could do wonders for somebody’s self esteem ( y’ know, give ‘em a standby consolation of: “ah, least I’m not *that* girl…”)

Monday I met up with a friend who was in town from CT and we had a late lunch at Lui Lui’s (Italian food—yum). I had the Antipasto Della Casa, which the waitress made a point of pointing out was a GINORMOUS platter of food. It is a big platter, but not really that much food, especially when I skip the olives, the green peppers, the roasted red peppers, and 50% the time, the artichokes. I know she wanted me to be an informed orderer, but she could have been a bit more subtle/ artful about mentioning that I was ordering a gogamagogical ton of food. I mean, as it happens, I’d ordered the antipasto before and knew all that comprised it. I hadn’t eaten a thing yet that day, okay? Plus, I think it was the crème brulee that did me in anyways.
So, yeah….around the time we got back from West Leb, about 2 hrs later, I felt a sort of gastrointestinal roiling . I really did not want to unleash hell in my friend’s mother’s downstairs bathroom. Now, her mum’s house happens to be on a road off Rte 5 that is diagonally across from the start of my sister’s road. To put it more succinctly, I was approx 2 miles away from my sister’s house. And I have befouled her loo many a time…
Rice Road (where mi hermana dwells) is a dirt road but is pretty densely populated for a dirt road (and subsequently, gets a fair amount of traffic). Another thing about Rice Road that I realized as I headed down it Monday evening, is that is in *dire need* of grading. Somehow I had never paid much heed to the zillions of washboards in the road when they were merely wrecking my car’s suspension. But now that they were jostling my guttyworks, I sure as hell took notice. I was only about ½ mile down Rice Rd when, hit with the alarming realization that my clench was not holding up sufficiently , I started eyeing roadside pull-offs . Of course, every single one of them was someone’s driveway. I was in crisis, no doubt, but I was NOT going to pull into somebody’s driveway!

And then, I got to a place where there was a large plot of posted woodland (“NO TRESPASSING” on the signage …I didn’t check the fine print to see if there were any loopholes in regards to scatological emergencies) Even though there was a house on the right side of the road and absolutely nowhere to pull off, it was my now-or-never spot. I parked, right in the lane of travel, shut the car, slapped on my hazard light and dashed into the woods. Or I bolted. I don’t know which verb is a better pick. I do know that it was an unusually rapid rate of ambulation for me.

How awful. That’s probably where someone is planning to build their dream house. I did take care to grab a stick and sweep pine needles over the unsightliness—part apologetic gesture , part homage to my cat.

And then the part that kind of amuses me in retrospect--- I’m coming down out of the woods, and I’m almost to the road and I hear a car approaching. I quickly duck behind a tree that is about half my width. In my terribly insufficient hiding spot, I start mentally chanting “Keep driving, keep driving, keep driving, keeeeeeep driving”. The last thing I needed, at that juncture, was some do-gooder to pull off the road behind my car and be all “You there—in the woods. Got car trouble??” And me, I’d be too caught off guard to come up with a clever answer (“Aw no.. I’m playing hide and seek” or “I lost my contact lens. A hawk stole it.”) and I would’ve at best said “No. I’m fine, thanks. Move along.” At worst…I would’ve disclosed the whole truth.

Lesson learned... always keep your stash of car naps stocked up. I don’t know if I woulda had time to grab some if I did have any but still… a very good idea. (bet you thought it was going to be an antipasto-related lesson didn’t ya?)

Saturday, September 05, 2009

for the birds!!

As I was crossing the parking lot on my way in to Borders today, I had my eyes fixed on a patch of mystery debris on the pavement ahead of me. And y'know, I presumed it was just some litter, so I don't know why I was gazing at it so intently.

It was not until I was right on top of it that I realized that it was a flattened crow. Which struck me as so odd. I really don't like birds but have always given them credit for being smart enough (or at least, just quick reflexed enough) to get outta the way of approaching car tires (unlike your average skunk or raccoon...and the occasional cat) Plus this is a parking lot, so traffic is not apt to be coming on so rapidly that one wouldn't have time to react. Chances are the thing was dead already when run over. Fell dead outta the sky? Ate some toxic litter and didn't even make it into the sky before keeling over? Damned ominous, that's what it is.

Nevertheless, I had to call my niece over to gawk at it. "Chloe, come here look at this--it's disgusting!!"

I had this "40% off any book"coupon that Borders emailed me, and I had, at checkout, a $2.50 Golden Book, a $7. kiddie board book, a $6. William Steig anthology, and a $15. paperback for me (I got Karen Maitland's Company of Liars. Haven't heard a thing about it, but just the copy on the back cover intrigued the hell outta me.) Obviously, I wanted that 40% off the novel, but I was expecting they'd give me the discount on the cheapest book in the group. I was even planning to ditch the children's books, check out with just the novel & my coupon, and then go back for the kid's books and go up to pay a second time so that I got the discount applied the way I wanted it. But I got absorbed with watching the kids, and my mother and all that and when we finally all got organized to check out, I forgot my crafty scheme entirely. So as the dude was ringing me up, I said, kinda wincingly, "I suppose the 40% is taken off the cheapest book, eh?" and he goes"No, we take it off the most expensive." To which I exclaimed " AWESOME! THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!"

I think he was taken aback by my vehemence.

To come full circle with the bird motif, I was driving home through Plainfield, and just getting to the part of 12A when you can start driving NORMALLY again (it's a painfully --and needlessly-- poky 30 mph speed limit through the nothin-happening town of Plainfield, then goes to 40 mph limit and then 50 mph.) So I was travelling at 40+ mph , well on my way to 50 mph, and futzing around with my iPod and I glance up to see 3 big fat turkeys in my lane. And there were 4 more on the shoulder. Those jive turkeys are just damned lucky I have such the lightning fast reflexes I do... else they would've been fused to my grill.

last Runway ep. . .

I hate team challenges. Oy.

I was most wowed by Christopher & Logan's output (plus they exhibited some splendid teamwork skillz) and was kinda vexed they weren't even in the top 3.

Even though Mitchell was hanging on by a nano-thread, I was still hoping against hope that Qristal and /or Epperson would get the boot. Such annoying bickering! Such lousy teamwork! And I found Mitchell's candor oddly endearing...he totally copped to slacking off and gave Ramon all the credit he was due. I wish they woulda given him *one more* chance for that. But no. And I suppose it was totally righteous that he be cut. Yeah, it was fair. But still I would've liked it to go the other way...

Friday, September 04, 2009

This distresses me a smidge

Some random guy FB friended me the other day. So I (quickly)took a moment out of my work day to ask him, ever-so-tactfully: who the fuck are you??

Here's how the exchange went--

Sandra September 3 at 10:50am
hey Allen S****. Do I know you??

Allen September 3 at 11:05am Report
well, i saw that you were friends with starr and your picture looks a lot like a lovely girl i dated in high school. Do i have the wrong lady? If so i appoligize for bothering you

Sandra September 3 at 11:20am
Oh, no apology necessary. I thought it entirely possible that I knew somebody and forgot all about them, so addled is my noggin. So I was trying to remember you…and more perplexed than bothered.So—Reader’s Digest version—I am not the lovely ex-g.f. Good luck finding her, though!!

Allen September 3 at 12:36pm Report
lol i went to click on something else and the message i was going to send was gone lol I have no idea if it was sent or what ( damn i hate learning new systems) Anyway in case it wasnt sent , what i said was ..Thank you for the response, I wasnt "looking" per say for the old girlfriend, just remembering with a smile and thought that i might say hello and practice the new facebook skills ( or total lack there of it appears
This mutual friend he references is a lady I used to work with at TDC. She is 58 yrs old (or will turn 58 next month) so I kinda assume at the outset that her friends are of that same age group. But then I rationalize: well that's not a certainty. I actually have many older friends, and a number of friends who are younger than me... there's no reason Starr wouldn't have a similiar diversity in her acquaintences.

Then this Allen goes berzerker overboard with the lols and uses the phrase "practice the new facebook skills" and so I'm now 98% positive that this dude is of the AARP set. Oy vey. The moral of the story is .... I NEED A NEW FACEBOOK PROFILE PIC POST HASTE!!

It would seem the current one makes me look like I'm 60. Ohhh feck.