Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let i-- Oh, nevermind!

I was miffed all day Sunday, and like nine-tenths of Monday due to a lack of fluffy white stuff on the ground. Of COURSE , I mean snow...I'm sure as hell not talkin' ermine (the PETA gestappo would terrorize me!!)

Then last night, at about 11pm, my mother sez "Sheeesh, it's snowing like hell out there!!" Now in the Hallmark channel movie version of my life, at this point I would rush outside and do a few awe-motivated pirouettes with my head tilted up to the sky, an enchanted glow on my smiley visage, and marvel for a few precious moments at the winter wonderment of it all. Well, here's what REALLY happened-- I barely averted my gaze from the TV (I was watching AMC's "Broken Trail " for the 4th time) and I sputtered "ARGH! It's too damn late! F**** it!!"

Well, heck, as long as the driving doesn't get too hazardous, I 'spose I'm ok with a little white fluffy ambiance for a while...

From our holiday potluck last Thurs we have a lot of leftover 2liter bottles of soda and I've been trying to singlehandedly rid the office of this soda surplus. Seriously, I've been knockin' back like a mofo and I don't think ANYBODY is helping me. Here's the wacky-ass part of it... by Fri afternoon the soda was already getting too flat for my liking (I also have rather particular beverage standards ) but I'm inexplicably getting a thrill from using the leftover party cups. They're plastic 9oz Solo brand cups like this---

except in translucent red or green. Usually, I am opting for the red ones. I load it up with ice from the cafeteria vending machine and then the flattish leftover soda and drink my bevvie from a coffee stirrer. I'm not entirely sure why it is, but I do find this practice ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL. The simple & somewhat sane explanation is that the fine folks over at Solo put out an excellent product, capable of lending a shot of festive cheer to even the most mundane of environs. Yeah, and I suppose that's part of it. But more than that I like to imagine that I'm drinking an airline cocktail. Yep, just the mere pretense of boozing it up at work improves my day here in cubby-Hades.

Ohhhh the LUXURY of VELOUR

I haven't posted since 12/15?? THE HECK YOU SAY!! I can't believe I've been so neglecting!

My focus du jour has been griping about the company making me work on Boxing Day. Sure, I could've taken one of the 3days of leave I had to use up before the end of '06 but I shouldn't have to do that. I needed those days off (I used them all up this month on the 6th, 14th &19th) to prepare for Christmas. But that's beside the point...I shouldn't have to tap into my personal leave time in order to observe Boxing Day. It should be nationally mandated that everybody gets it off. I was reading up on Boxing Day (as I have before, but I felt a yen to reevaluate/refresh/reinforce my current comprehension of the whole dealie ) and though there are debates over the origins of the name "Boxing Day" it is well established that the point of the day is to be charitable and give to those less fortunate. How noble a holiday! It most definitely warrants a day off from work. Heck, if I did have Boxing Day off, I feel certain I would be generous and charitable and totally celebrate accordingly. But as it is, in my current state of dismay (penned in my generosity-squashing, charitability-squelching cubicle) I can't manage any effort of the sort. A pity, that.

I think everybody in the Upper Valley that had today off (and there were a lot of 'em -just not my sorry arse) decided to lunch at the 99 today. And unluckily, this is where Robin and I opted to order takeout. The wait time, when I went to fetch it, was longish, but not horrible. Although during this wait time, while squashed in their wee waiting area, alongside a throng of about 900 people waiting for a table, I found myself musing over the merits of the Carside-to-go feature they have at Outback & Applebee's . I don't know who thought up that whole program, but if I could figure that out and somehow contact that person, it is likely that I would extol the high quality of their cognitive processes.... and shortly thereafter call them "Lincoln" (ha ha) Anyways, like I was sayin'...the wait was longish but not awful but they neglected (probably because they were SO busy) to give me the fork/knife/napkin sets and the ketchup that I expressly requested on the phone. UGH. Hey, I DID refrain from rushing the 99 lady with one of my lethal leaping scissors kicks, so thereby I suppose I did manage a charitable act for Boxing Day.
I got a ROAST BEEF & CHEDDAR DIP sammich, which was daring, because I am HIGHLY finicky about my roast beef-- in particular, I don't like it to be very red or bloody. Texture is also taken into close consideration. Today's rb from 99 did not quite meet my high standards and I only ate half my sami. I think what it was that convinced me that a Roast Beef & Cheddar Dip was the lunch por moi was the whole dip factor. This particular sammich comes with **2** dip options --a creamy horseradish or au jus. I find this to be a marvelous feature, since I am of the philosophy that oftentimes the condiment is the make-or-break factor in an entree's overall success (or lack thereof). I find it baffling that there are not more dipping sandwiches. Why aren't there more dipping sandwiches??

So..Christmas was good. Every year has my sister vowing "We have to downsize Christmas next year!!" in response to her kids getting a mega-ginormous quadruple BUTTLOAD of toys. But when the next Christmas comes around...that vow to downsize has been completely forgotten!! Maybe I was just extra-sensitive to this this year, since I undertook the job of transporting all of mine & my parents presents for Laura, Greg, & offspring up to casa de mi hermana. I thought for a while there I was going to hafta rent me a Uhaul. Daaaaamn!

I did pretty well too...I got a few gift certificates, a neato purse, a daily planner, desk calendar, a journal, a gumball machine, some headbands, 2 necklaces, and this lovely velour track suit that I am sporting today. I know, I know, the velour tracksuit ship has sailed and that look is no longer in vogue, but I can't help adoring my velour tracksuit. It is such a delight to wear, I REFUSE to apologize for being a fashion blight on the world. I can't stop petting myself either. I am so luxuriously fuzzy. Purrrrrrrrrr

I was rather bummed to hear James Brown died yesterday. I made a Christmas tunes mix this year and track #10 was James Brown's "Soulful Christmas". I had just discovered the song this year when I was scouting out new material for my holiday mix...it was very cool. I mean it is very cool. But Boxing Day is supposed to be happy, and I deserve to have residual Christmas glee at least up until Jan2, so I'm trying to not let it bum me out too much. I try to remember him as he appeared in his mugshot...frighteningly disshevelled. I believe he also videotaped women on the potty...so yeaah, when I focus on the pervy-voyeur, wife-beater aspect of the late J.B., then I managed to not get overly distressed about the loss. But yeah, it still sucks.. I mean, if it wasn't for James Brown, there'd be no JAMES BROWN CELEBRITY HOT TUB PARTY which is--in my expert opininon--the most wonderful bit from Eddie Murphy's brief but brilliant SNL stint.

"WeeeOOOWWW HOT TUB! Gonna git in the wah-taah.."

Ok, gotta jet pets... hope your Boxing Day is turning out to be terrif...

Friday, December 15, 2006

you better be good FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

I was musing over that line, in one of my more uhh, muse-over-stupid-shit moments, and I figured we can't possibly be meant to take that bit of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" literally. I mean, the whole gist of this song is about how this Santa fellah has constant surveillance over all the kiddies out there, he is making notes on your behavior and rewarding the good kiddies with beau coup loot. Fair enough. Me comprende. But then they hit this line in the chorus "you better be good for goodness sake!" That's right--be good just for the sake of being good, kids, not for the copius mountains of toys it'll net ya. Just ignore that whole Santa Claus/ giant bribe thing I mentioned and just behave because you ought to. Truly, the holidays are the very best times to get your kids all fucked up puzzling over ethical complexities. Can't just leave them to their sweet dreaming-of-sugar-plums naivete.
Ok, ok, ok-- yeah I know the "-for goodness sake" part is a purely rhetorical, tacked on there because it works syllabically and is kind of, in a way alliterationesque (not exactly, but you know what the hell I mean--with the "good" & the "goodness") But you know, occasionally you'll get a kid that's a real deep thinker like myself (oh yes, they ARE out there..in fact my eldest niece Chloe shows signs of being a kindred tortured genius) a kid that will ponder the core message of the song, and that li'l turn of phrase is going to perplex them. Maybe then, these songwriters should not have sacrificed meaning for the sake of assonance. I have a substitute phrase to propose...how 'bout "you better be good you little shits"? A trifle crude maybe, but it works syllabicly. Definitely is not so ethically perplexing, that's for sure...

So have been staying with the folks lately. Since my dad's been outta the hospital (hip replacement surgery back on Dec 5) we've had one of these booster potty chairs in the bathroom...

although the one presently @ my parents' casa is not attached to the toilet. You can put in onto and take it off of the toilet as needed. Really, I ought to take the thing off and move it everytime I go....but I don't. Gives the task a whole new spin when you let the bidness fly from, like, 5 feet above target. Different accoustics, or something I guess. Sorry to be such a hogger but I'm trying to exhibit my multi-facetedness here. I can be goofily clever (paragraph 1) and then do a total persona-pivot and do toilet humor (literally). I have such RANGE. It's, like, phenomenal how much range I gots, G.

I am monumentally vexed that I missed Thursday night's eppy of The Office. And I've not verified it in the TV listings, but there's probably 3 or 4 weeks before they start in with new episodes again. Grrrrr.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Disjointed blathering--blahdee blah blah

I've been negligent, I know. But I'm still here. Don't you fret,
my pet(s).

The barbecue chips I bought outta the cafeteria vending machine are really barfy. Which is just as well, as I certainly don't need to ingest barbecue chips and didn't particularly want them ... why did I buy these? Uuuugh

TV Land got me addicted to "That Girl" this weekend when they ran a 48hr marathon of THAT sitcom but now I can't seem to find the show on the TV Land schedule. How cruel of them! It's like I'm a junkie with no hope of a fix.

Even though I am listening to a variety of holiday tunes on Yahoo! radio, the one that is sticking in my noggin today is "Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat/ Please to put a penny in the ol' man's hat/ If you haven't got a penny, than a ha' penny will do/ if you haven't got a ha' penny--God bless you!!"

My Dad is getting out of the hospital right about now. I've been staying at the folks' to keep my mom company and am going to continue staying there, to help out while Dad's recouperating. But I can tell ya... it's going to be a whole new exercise in aggravation staying there while both parents are in residence. My mom has her quirks, but generally she's pretty easy-goin'. My Dad is a HUUUGE perfectionist type A kinda guy and I'm really more of a staunch
anti-perfectionist. So, yeah, this should be fun.

Stumbled upon this site today. Me mucho gusto. I can't believe, with ALL my retail prowess, that I was previously unaware of its existence. Boggles the mind.

Well, my lunch hour has just about runneth out and it's pert' near time to reapply my nose to the proverbial grindstone. BAH.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

oh, Archer Farms LLC, I FORGIVE YOU!!

..you guys have totally redeemed yourselves. In addition to the barfy Chocolate Cranberry trail mix that I kvetched about on Mon, I also picked up a "Sweet Cajun" trail mix. It is EXCELLENT. I'm just glad I didn't try the terrif Sweet Cajun mix first and then had the Chocolate Cranberry stuff...because that woulda been a scenario of profound disappointment rather that surprise redemption. Sweet Cajun trail mix has in it: honey nut crunch peanuts, toasted corn, honey sesame sticks, cajun sesame sticks, regular peanuts, & almonds. "Toasted corn" I copied off the package...they're actually CORN NUTS but that name is probably owned by, uhh, I dunno, whoever makes Corn Nuts. I love the corn nuts and the sesame sticks especially. Oh man this stuff is killer...I wish I'd bought it in a BARREL.

Some notes about upcoming movies... "The Holiday" is going on my must-see list...but definitely holding out until the thing comes out on DVD. I am only charmed by 1/2 of this quartet of lovers and I feel my viewing experience will be much improved by the capability of fast forwarding through all the Cameron Diaz-Jude Law bits. Who wants to watch that??? It's a head cheerleader falling for a quarterback type scenario.. and that does not a decent rom-com make. But the Jack Black &Kate Winslet hook-up looks charming. WOOOOAH hold the mayo-- after further imdb digging, I don't know if I'll be able to hold off until this flick's DVD release. It has John Krasinski (aka mucho adorable Senor Jim Halpert) in it . He's also in Dreamgirls, coming out this month (which I really want to see). I don't think he's got a real substantial role in either flick, but still, it'd be a kick too see him up on the big screen instead of in my living room for a change. Not that I mind him coming over or anything. It's just that I keep trying to lure him into other rooms of the house and he ain't havin' it... Ahem, um, ANYWAYS...

Speaking of small screen stars transitioning to the megaplex.. .
Are many people going to go see "Rocky Balboa" because they really felt matters were unresolved after the last Rocky movie and they've lived a half-life in an agonizing state of limbo for these past 16 years waiting for this sixth installment of the series? Ok, I'm being melodramatic here, but I wonder how many moviegoers are planning on seeing the flick out of a genuine interest in another rehashing of the Rocky story OR, are they more stoked about seeing Peter Petrelli play son-of-Rocky?? I know I'm intrigued. Intrigued, but not stoked. It would take more than a vague twinge of intrigue to get me out to the theatre to see "Rocky Balboa". It would definitely take someone else paying for my tix & num-nums (it may even take someone abducting me at gunpoint...it depends how obstinate I'm feeling on that particular night)

I did really dig this past Monday night's episode of Heroes...much better than that six month rewind bullshit they pulled on me last week. The pisser is now that I'm vaguely somewhat partially up-to-speed and definitely hooked, they go on holiday until the end of January!! That is an OUTRAGE! Why the hell do TV shows get to do that? It's not like they hafta work through the summer!! Some other shows I dig that misguidedly thought that they could take a winter break-- Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, and I think The Office (after next week's episode). Man, if you don't like Peanuts or formulaic Oxygen/Hallmark Channel holiday schlock, then December is a lameass month for TV. Maybe I should use this time to catch up with my looong neglected Netflix queue. Although I do love a good schmaltzy Hallmark Channel original...if they have some new offerings for this year, I may just HAVE TO partake....

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

HIP hop hooraaaay HOOOO HEEEEY

My Dad had hip replacement surgery yesterday(went very smoothly). 68 years old and this is his first surgery ever. Consequently, he is just NOW discovering the joys of flirting with nurses. Seriously, it's like his new favorite pasttime. All of those nurses just think he's absolutely precious, and what's more, they haven't heard all his stories (not yet anyways). I almost think when he comes home he'll have hospital withdrawl.

Had today off from work and spent the bulk of it up at the hospital. Maaaan, DHMC is one ginormous bastard of a hospital. I wonder, if all the nation's hospitals were ranked by size, where would DHMC would place on that list? Hmmmm....

I was flipping thru US Weekly and they had this big feature on this brand-new twosome that are redefining--nay, perfecting the art of friendship, and of course the legendary pair I refer to is Britney Spears & Paris Hilton. Now I didn't read any of that article, because I had just bought the magazine and was doing my initial perfunctory flip-thru. But there was 2pg pictoral timeline of their burgeoning bond. I was gazing at this and wondered, "Why the hell is Paris always propping Britney up?" In nearly all the photos, Paris was latched on to Brit's elbow like Brit was her 80 year old Grandma traversing a field of glare ice. Ok, yeah, OBVIOUSLY Britney's schnockered and maybe not so steady on her feet (to which, I gotta say :GO HOME TO YOUR KIDS YOU FILTHYDUMB SLAG) But Paris --steady & sober? That's the bit that baffles me. And even in that case (Brit: drunk & wobbly while Paris: sober & steady) wouldn't it seem more Parisian to allow Britney to topple ass over commando teakettle and just stand by smirking photogenically for the paparazzi?? I mean, is that not what she did when her other BFF Kimberly Stewart took a spill on a motorcycle?? I suspect Paris has a very shrewd reason for safeguarding Britney... If anybody wins out of the Brit-KFed bust up, it's Ms Hilton, herself. I mean, this new friendship is PR gold for her...every shot of these two together has Paris looking just terrific. I mean, she looks like a paragon of sophistication--Grace Freakin' Kelly-- and all she needs to do is go on a pub crawl with that Cheetolicious Trailer Hag. Very shrewd, very MACHIAVELLIAN, Miss Paris...maybe you are not quite as much of a dimwit as I'd presumed!!

Monday, December 04, 2006

it's the DUDE, Dude!!

The cream of today's celebrity birthday crop..... JEFF BRIDGES!!! So happy day to Jeffy & congrats on turning 57 & having me like him better than I like Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies & Tyra Banks. In the celebrity word association game in my mind "Jeff Bridges" always makes me think "Kurt Russell"...it's weird. The two are inextricably linked in my mind...as are Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman..for obvious reasons with the 2 bland Bills. But the only reason I can think of why I would associate the "meh" not-so-great Kurt Russell with the magnificent Jeff Bridges is a similarity of hairdo. WHY do I judge Jeff Bridges as so superior to Kurt Russell, you may well ask? Well as I proclaimed in the subject line--"it's the DUDE, dude!" Yes, Jeff Bridges will always be, in my heart, "The Dude" from The Big Lebowski. OR His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing. (ha ha) If Jeff Bridges does not think that "The Big Lebowski" is the best thing he's ever done in his career than I am inclined to knock the guy upside the head with a cricket bat. But as it's his birthday, I'll be a nice gal and aim for the ass. Although I do have lousy aim. So I guess it's lucky for Jeff Bridges that I do not possess a cricket bat. Unless of course he agrees with me (then my possession/lack of possession is a moot issue) and he should agree damn it because "THE BIG LEBOWSKI" IS A CLASSIC FOR ALL TIME!! Yes, I am a fan of that film. Probably if I had seen that film where JB gets romantically involved with (uggh--gag!) Barbara Streisand, he'd lose major cool points with me but on the other hand I love a little action flick he did called "Blown Away" (and I usually dislike action movies) because that has Tommy Lee Jones (*awesome*) doing an Irish accent (*even awesomer*) while Jeff is rocking a Boston accent wicked haaaaahd. So that's 2 great films to 1 probably lousy film plus Jeff Bridges looks better in Kurt Russell's hair than Kurt does, so overall, I like me some Jeff Bridges.
WOW...that might be my longest celeb b-day diatribe to date, and I'm not even that much of a Jeff Bridges fan. Honestly! I think I was just a-hankerin' to perpetrate some run-on sentences and found me a good vehicle for that craving. I feel oddly gratified.

In NON-celebrity birthdays my Aunt Sandi turns 60 today!! Happy happy Birthday Aunt Sandi! I love her a lot more than Jeff Bridges, who never once knitted me a matching scarf & mitten set (for my b-day 2 yrs ago...and-*BONUS POINTS*- she'd listened to me when I ranted that they don't have mittens connected on a cord for adults....and...GUESS WHAT.... there is now 1 pair of {handmade} adult cord-connected mittens...and they're mine..ALL MIIIINE!)

I took my mum to Keene yesterday on a Christmas shopping expedition. We went to Target where, in the cheapie section (the dollar bonanza area where not everything is a dollar but most of it is) I bought a tabletop tree & trimmings for my cubby. It is a silver tinsel tree and I have a silver bow on top, pink maribou garland, and multi-colored mini disco balls hanging off it. It is a cheap and gaudy disco tree but I can't stop gazing at it lovingly. Ohhh, what $2.50 will get you at Target! It's sublime, I love it, love it, loooove it. My only gripe (and it pains me to critique you Target...you know I'm only hard on you because I love you so much, right?) is this Archer Farms brand trail mix I got. I got the Chocolate Cranberry Crunch mix, which has milk chocolate covered cranberries (YUM) raisins (also yum) almonds (yum) dried pineapple, walnuts (I hate walnuts...but had prepared myself to avoid these) & soybeans (err, Ok..) Now first off, if the damn walnuts are going to monopolize this trail mix, than I feel they should be included in the title "Walnut & Choco-Cranberry Crunch"...something like that. But whatever, that's a minor quibble. The dried pineapple--BLEECCCCH. Usually I like dried pineapple. This...I'm not even sure that it's actual fruit. And my BIG gripe-- and I guess this would be a fault of most brands' nutty trail mixes (although I expect more from a Target brand hence the ginormity of my disappointment, see??) Ok, if nuts are on their own or in a snack melange of nuts only salting is great, preferable even. But, in the capacity of bringin' the CRUNCH to a trail mix with a lot of sweet elements...NIX THE SALT. These chocolate covered cranberries are delish, but your gross ineptitude , Archer Farms LLC, has forced me to rob the paintbrush off a new watercolor paint set that I was going to give as a stocking stuffer to my niece( but that idea's shot to hell now isn't it?) and sweep off the fine dusting of salt from each and every choco-cranberry. That's very labor intensive, Archer Farms! And are YOU going to buy my niece a new watercolor paint set?
Ok all that shit about the watercolor paint set sans brush was just improvised LIES so's I could knock off a few more run-ons. HOWEVER, I really do hate salt on my chocolate covered cranberries, and raisins , (and I'd hate it on the dried pineapple too if that weren't grody to begin with) And I have been trying to de-coat the cranberries as I eat them (the raisins, however, are too crevice-covered to be thoroughly de-salted damn you!) I have been blowing on them. And probably thereby arousing every male in the vicinity of my cubicle. And hey, what can I do but just glance at their crotch, shrug and tell them they can thank Archer Farms LLC for their discomfort and embarrassment. I don't know if Archer Farms is an LLC . Or an INC. I really have no f-ing clue.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

I found my Christmas tunes--Paaaah rumpa pum pummmm!

This should greeeeeatly facilitate the development of my Christmas cheer. Yaaaay!!

Friday, December 01, 2006

she's a brick and I'm drowning slowly.....

That is the song I'm listening to right now. Mix of my own making (trk 11). I'm going to list everything on it, because the alternative is talkin' about my dreary diarrhea plagued afternoon, and no thanks, I'd rather NOT. It's been a fucking drag of a Friday, let's just leave it that.

At least you can get a sense of my musical atmosphere. . . .

CD Mix made by yours truly--June 7,2006--
1. Upside Down / Diana Ross
2. Up the Ladder to the Roof / the Supremes (the only Supremes song I really like, BTW. It seems I didn't like Diana Ross with the Supremes and I didn't like the Supremes with Diana Ross. I'm not a great fan of either...although I just bought "The Wiz" recently..haven't watched it yet....did I thoroughly piss away that $5.99?? )
3.Shotgun / Jr Walker & the Allstars
4. Words / the Monkees (though they have a lotta good tunes, this one is my absolute fave Monkees tune. I like it when they let Mickey sing. )
5. Constantinople / They Might be Giants ( why did Constantinople get the works? THAT'S NOBODY'S BUSINESS BUT THE TURKS!! )
6. Float On / Modest Mouse
7. Light & Day / Polyphonic Spree
8. The Promise / When In Rome
9. Nothing Compares 2U / Sinead O' Connor
10. I Miss You / Blink 182 (did the vid for this song win any awards? I thought it was great...very beautiful and artsy and what's more, a total shock from a band whose video trademark had always been STREAKING )
11. Brick / Ben Folds Five
12. Personal Jesus / Depeche Mode
13. Maps / the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
14. I'm Comin' Out / Diana Ross ( I didn't wanna have a big chunk of Diana Ross/Supremes at the beginning of the CD so I put this track elsewhere , but I shouldn't have. The transition from 13 to 14 is...clunky..oy )
15. In My House /Mary Jane Girls ( I think the house in this song is a WHOREHOUSE, if I'm not mistaken )
16. Drop It Like It's Hot / Snoop D.O. DubbaG yo, yo , fo' shizzle (ha)
17. Fug-Gee-La / The Fugees ( Oooh la la la laaa, it's the way that we rock when we doin' our thiiing...)
18. No Woman No Cry / Bob Marley
Forget running away with the circus, I wanna go on tour with these nutjobsjobs !! You will NOT get a job in the music industry with a more figure -flattering wardrobe, I assure you. Plus, with 800+ band members, nobody will notice ONE really crappy, off-key voice (that'd be moi). Hmmm. I have been tiring of cubicle life, that's for sure. I'm considering it! But don't you worry my darlings--I will be sure to pass up the Kool Aid!!