Thursday, May 27, 2010

ridiculous commercial I just saw

This was just on TV--

--to which I gotta make the obvious wisecrack (everytime I see it...aloud...I really do): That dude has more serious fucking problems than ED to yak about with his doc!! If you're having regular conversations with your reflection like that, you need a check up from the neck up!!Maybe put off your chat about Viagra and ask about some anti-hallucinatory meds, eh??

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Fartsy artsy

Yesterday, I was covering the front desk while the receptionist was attending our all-agency meeting. I decided, during this front desk stint, I'd work on one of my "fun" work projects--signage for the bathroom. Larry asked me to make a sign for the bathroom that somehow reminds potty patrons to use the fan if they're going to leave behind a big stink cloud in there. I object to such signage. I mean, you feel bad enough if you stink up the loo, (oh yes, I've been there) you'd don't need someone nagging you on top of it. That's just mean. It it makes me want to take a shit of defiance in the middle of the floor. Well....ok....I AM overstating my ire a smidge, but it really does vex me. I don't like being micromanaged.
In Larry's defense, he does not care about laying down bathroom law. However some o' the office folk came to him the other day asking that a bigger fan be installed. I know he does all the plunging, but apparently even when there are issues of mere malodor, he's the go-to guy. How lucky is he?

Even if I take issue with the signage, it's a good project, as it requires me to (ever so slightly) flex my creative muscles. Somebody had put a sign in one of the bathrooms previously (that got taken down...*not* by me--I swear!) That said "Don't be one of these...{then a shabby clip art skunk...he really looked more like a badger than anything. But from the context, I got that it was a skunk} Turn on the fan...please!" So, I was disappointed in their lame choice of graphic, and I didn't like people trying to be the boss o' me (there, of all places!!) but that sign had one thing right...RHYMING. If you want people to get a rule ingrained in their noggin for the long run--bust a rhyme. Think about it: "Red sky @ night, sailor's delight" and the one that governs my life: "Beer before liquor never sicker, Liquor before beer-in the clear" and, ohhh, about a ka-JILLION others. So I was tossing about possible rhyming sign verbage but they were all tending toward the uhh, crasser end of the spectrum ("If you stink up the can, turn up the fan" was the nicest I had).

But then I actually got down to designing the thing yesterday a.m, and I ditched the rhyme-plan altogether and went for something high end...

Of course, it was shot down. Dunno if you can read it here, but it reads "Please avail yourself of the fan. Thank you." *I* LIKE the term "avail yourself", but I suppose it's not kosher for general public signage. If I MUST dumb it down then I am scrapping the delightful Victorian ephemera...they're getting black, all-caps block letters on a white background.

As is my custom, I spent the bulk of the all-agency meeting (the later session, that I attended) doodling. I didn't fill the page as much I usually do, since I unfortunately got stuck with a seat close to the front. Here is all that I could manage--

Goode? How 'bout GREAT...

I confess: I'm a suckah for a schmoopy rom-com (provided that neither of the 2 leads irks and/or repulses other words ...well, I'm not namin' names, but that means no "Alex & Emma" or "Fool's Gold" for me)

But prior to renting Leap Year on iTunes the other day, I had no opinion of Matthew Goode one way or t'other. I like Amy Adams though, so I thought I'd give it a go.

I do recommend it (if you like that sort of thing). The funny thing is that Goode plays a dude who's really kind of an asshole. But because he was also RIDICULOUSLY CUTE at the same time, I wound up being totally dismissive of the assholishness. It ain't right, but there you have it. I am a shallow, superficial broad. It is now a matter of record.

Summer Lovin' part deux

I was gonna blog yesterday about how very enthused about summer I am, and the Grease thing was just an opening side-tangent, and then I got carried away on that tangent and then I found myself too tired to keep writing and get around to getting to the point (methought I was gonna do a faceplant on my keyboard!!) So here we go...

I am stoked--nay--MEGA-STOKED for summer. The weather lately has been way hot and I just love it. I think I might love summer more every year.

Here's some mental cud for y'all to gnosh on...

complete this sentence (sincerely, that is. DON'T be a smartass...this isn't Match Game '74 and I am certainly NOT Gene Rayburn...thought I do look quite dashing when brandishing a skinny mic) :

Nothin' makes it feel like summer more than________________

Am also not looking for the obvious, no-brainer answers to that question, ie: "80 degree weather" or "it being June 1st". There's a zillion, subjective, personal indicators of summer, some of them unexpected. Ferinstance... I am very seasonal about tunes... in the summer, there are 2 musical genres I gravitate toward--2 pretty disparate genres. Every summer needs to have at least one bona fide club banger. So I want to listen to those every summer...all the bangin'-est, most infectious hip-hop in my tunes aresenal. The other type music I want to hear in the summer is 50s or 60s rock 'n' roll--but not just any & all of it. It has to be 50s music one would listen to whilest "cruising the strip" as they did back in the day (or I have been led to believe they did anyways... small side tangent...I sometimes feel like I got the shaft in regards to the era I wiled away my teens in. I mean, I dunno why, but I hold this romanticized notion of youth in bygone eras. The 50s/ 60s seemed rife with some sort of magical ambiance, and the 70s seemed way more FUN than what I got stuck with. Even the 80s (to a slightly lesser degree) seem cooler than...bleccch ...the 90s. That's *precisely* the decade in which the magical ambience reserves dried up, I'm sure of it, and it's SO unfair)

Ok, wheeeeere the hell was I? Oh yes... in the summer I most dig 50s cruisin' music or 60s music of the sort that woulda cropped up in Dirty Dancing. Example: I always love to hear "Stay" [Maurice Williams & the Zodiacs; this one's actually in Dirty Dancing] and recently have downloaded "Come On, Let's Go" by Ritchie Valens and am really digging it.

Oh, speaking of new iTunes buys (file this one under "club bangers" though....old skool club bangers) I just got & cannot stop listening to Rock Master Scott & the Dynamic Three's "The Roof is on Fire" I just love it. It's this interesting dichotomy... the song is riddled with these old-timey hip-hop cliches ("everybody say HOOO!" urging listeners to wave their hands above their heads in a manner that implies apathy, etc. etc.) which I certainly don't fault it for. I mean, at the time of its recording, this was new material. It has only been borrowed, and re-borrowed and rendered trite in years hence. But still, because of all the old gems in there, the song winds up with a somewhat, ummmm, dorky vibe (which I happen to love , btw) Y'know, it sounds just a bit like your dad trying out his hip-hop chops. Anyways, add another layer of dorkiness when you notice that in parts of the song, Rock Master Scott sounds EXACTLY like DJ Lance from Yo Gabba Gabba! (and yes, I get dork points x infinity for noticing that. 'Sokay, I own it. But do a little'll see that I'm totally right!) So you've got this fun, dorky-innocent vibe and then...."MOTHERFUCKER" hollered multiple times at the end of the song. That is like, the CUSS GODFATHER!! Or quite high up in the hierarchy of profanity, at least! If you don't know the song already, that kinda takes you unawares (the MF-bomb, that is).

Ok, a few more of my own seasonal harbingers...
  • Flip-flops! (that's one for many folks, I'm sure)

  • Sunglasses that look like---->>

would those just be referred to as Ray Bans? I believe Ray Ban makes lots of other styles, so methinks that would be a misnomer. That style needs a name though...or maybe it has a name and I just am clueless as to what it is.

I happen to be, like the Imelda Marcos of sunglasses (well, I'm workin' towards it anyhow) and I have all different styles (no amber lenses or granny glasses though...both look horrid on me!) but this style is somehow, to me, the summeriest. The penultimate summer outfit would involve just such shades....flip-flops.....and some manner of fluorescent fabric betwixt the two.

  • Shishkabobs!! This is what I wanna eat all summer. I just love grilling, despite the fact that 8 outta 10 times when I light the grill I singe off some arm hair. Or maybe....because of that fact. Perhaps I thrive on the element of danger. And definitely I's got arm hair to spare. I have rather hirsute arms, I fear. I'm lucky that I'm fair haired. Anyways, I just did veggie kabobs the other night (though generally I throw some cow meat on the skewer) and the mushrooms were MAAAAD DELICIOUS!!
  • Sangria!! This is what I wanna drink all summer. Ohh, but that might either break the bank or KICK MY LIVER'S ASS! So, instead, here's my bev-itinerary for the next 3 mos: iced coffee --probably just in the a.m. Then my afternoons I will imbibe some combination of Diet Cokes, iced teas, Miller Chill, & sangria (NOT all mixed together, dumbass)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

summer lovin'

..that reminds me, a Grease sing-along is hitting theaters across the country this summer. Major cities only-- that's the pisser. These things never come to "a theater near me". Therefore, I have never attended a sing-along cinematic event. Of course, with The Rocky Horror Picture Show (which is probably the most commonly staged sing-along) I don't really feel deprived. I'm not really into Rocky Horror (odd, right? it seems like I would be..). But a Grease sing-along, I would really dig. Well, I don't totally adore the movie like so many do. The overall message is pretty despicable--it's something to the tune of-- you need to let fly all your inhibitions and succumb to a total whorebag makeover to hang on to that man (paraphrasing there). But I'm more of an escapist than I am a moralist, so that's not a huge impediment to me enjoying the flick. My big thing is that Olivia Newton John irks me, and I'm pretty tepid in my feelings on Travolta (even in his Barbarino days) I used to really like Kenickie, but now that portrayal is just a sad reminder of what a stud the sad sack that is now Jeff Conaway once upon a time was. (I feel like that made no sense. You get my gist, no?) But there's still the uber-cool Stockard Channing, and most importantly, I know and love all the songs. That's why I'd really appreciate the sing-along, but the closest they're coming to me is Boston, and I just don't foresee it happenin'.

I watched some Sound of Music anniversary documentary, and they showed how they throw these mega sing-along/ act along showings at the Hollywood Bowl. Now *that* is my ultimate sing-along event. I would SO love that.

Friday, May 21, 2010

donkey monikers--Epilogue Dos

I can’t believe I rattled off 50 donkey names and I forgot to list “Ira”. Thatsa good ‘un-- should definitely be on there.

Here’s a fun little morsel to add to your Sandra Fact File…. I had a Gigapet once upon a time…it was pink and the pet was a koala, and I named him Ira.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

donkey monikers-- an epilogue

Once I got mentally unblocked, the names started rolling. I rattled off (kinda stream-of-consciousness-like) 50 names (I had to stop somewhere) that struck me as funny and/ or cute.

I shall share with y'all, in case you are ever plagued with the dilemma of a nameless donkey (some may also be suitable for anonymous alpacas or goats)--

Donkey Kong
Don Donkey (the mafia donkey)
Georg (pron. Gay-org)
Sherm /Sherman


OK, no tormenting, organ-readjusting pants today, but I am not without my wardrobe snafus. This dress has a tie in the back…the left sash just had a little float-about in the toilet l (which, regrettably, I only realized after my business had concluded)

So odd, because,I am usually hyperconscientious about keeping my tie-backs to the exterior of the toilet bowl. This particular awareness I believe stemmed from a particularly disastrous lace-in-the-toilet incident (yours truly was dressed up in bridesmaid finery at the time)

donkey monikers

My friend’s sister is getting a donkey. Said friend emailed me about this straight away as I’ve opined to her in the past that donkeys are the cutest and best farm animals. I wrote her back -- “just say the word and I will throw at you a bevy of high quality donkey names” Now she’s said the word and…well… I was going to start her off with a dozen but I’ve become blocked.

I thought it would be funny to go veddy Brit w/ this –use an upper-class twit sort of name. All my brain could come up with was Allistair, Algernon, and Niles. Niles I nixed because it only reminds me of the old dude who was Rose’s boyfriend on the Golden Girls. Giles too, is no good (Buffy…which I didn’t even watch….spoiled that one). I typed “Algernon Allistair” into the search engine and one of the top results was this site called The Peerage ….which I just might make use of. It rather amuses me , the notion of culling a donkey name from that site.

The list is still in progress, but my #1 (that I put down immediately) is Donkey Kong. It’s a little simple…but it makes me laugh.

I will keep y'all posted on this developing story (hey, slow news day, eh?)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Pants, pants, pants, pants, fabulous PAAAANTS

I really do—for the most part--- like the pants I have on today. They’re a good pale shade khaki, and they fit me just perfectly thru the thgh & leg. But HOLY MOTHEROFPETE’SDRAGON are they tight around the gut!! I mean, it’s not only that the inner seams are embossed on my epidermis, but I think I might wind up with hairline fractures to my pelvic bone!! DAMN! I wonder if anyone has ever suffered organ dislocation due to too-tight pants.

And forget the “muffin-top” , I’ve got like, a “soufflĂ©-top” going on (tell me: would Pop-over top have been a more comical/ effective metaphor??) I’ve even unbuttoned the top two buttons of my button-fly. Yep, right here at work. It pained me to do so (as I am generally a PARAGON of propriety) but it pained me even more not to do so…

But hey.. I lost 0.6 of a pound in the past week. If I keep going at this rate, these pantalones will be downright comfy in 9 or 10 years.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Spending, $pending....

I downloaded this iPod-to-PC transfer software that allowed me to fix my iTunes imbroglio. My laptop now has fully stocked, fully functional iTunes on it (that the pod is synced to! YAY!) So of course, this swell turn of events was cause for a little iTunes spending spree. Here is what I bought---

*OMG [Usher] : I like the stadium chanting in this song. I am also--against my better judgement--heartily amused by the use of the word "boobies" in the lyrics. I will always, ALWAYS laugh at the word boobies. That's some 10yr old, dwarfed part of my psyche that I just can't seem to shake.

*Breakeven [the Script]

*The Equestrian Statue [Bonzo Dog Doodah Band] How terrif are the Bonzos?? If you have no clue, then I say you should acquaint yourself with them post haste and decide how terrific you find them.

*Button Up Your Overcoat [Bonzo Dog Doodah Band] I've always loved this song. Even though its message is bossy and possessive--technically. I find it very sweet. I sing it to my niecey all the time. Of course, the Bonzos put their own special spin on it, but they do it well, I think. I am pretty sure that line about "don't step on 3rd rails" was not in the original lyrics. Haa. Still, I most like the line "Keep away from bootleg hooch, when you're on a spree"

*Look out there's a Monster Coming [Bonzo Dog Doodah Band] I have Craig Ferguson's show for introducing me to this excellent song. My favorite part is the deadpan "Grunt. Grunt."

*Feeling Good [Nina Simone] This is another song I picked up from the telly. I had (and quite like) Simone's "My Baby Just Cares for Me" but that was on some jazz compilation I didn't know any other songs of hers. They featured this song on an episode of Chuck and I was taken with it, had to track down on the 'net what song it was. I like her kind of spare old-time bluesy singing juxtaposed with the big orchestral sound.

*Uprising [Muse]

*Rude Boy [Rihanna] I begin to suspect that I cannot resist songs that have "Boom Boom Boom" somewhere in the lyrics. Seriously.

*Carry Out [Timbaland avec JT] Timbaland & Timberlake ...these dudes were predestined to collaborate. This song makes my ass wiggle autonomously

*1901 [Phoenix] Looooooove this song. It kinda (for some reason I can't articulate) reminds me of "Kids" by MGMT, which I also have mad love for.

* Holiday [Vampire Weekend] J'adore Vamp Wknd --beaucoup j'adore. This is them at their bestest (well their best off "Contra" at least) And yes...I am well aware of how fucked up my francais is

*Cousins [Vampire Weekend]

*Horchata [Vampire Weekend] I predict this will be the first song ever to inspire me to go on a bev-quest. Where would one procure horchata? Anyone? Tips?? Suggestions???

* On the Street Where You Live [Mr Hudson & The Library] Yes, it's that "On the Street Where You Live"...My Fair Lady... Mr Hudson does Freddy Eynsford-Hill. Oddly cool. Me likey.

*The Mighty Boosh- Episode 2.05 "The Legend of Old Gregg"-- I'm just getting into this show and am quite smitten, but I felt a bit reluctant to pay for an episode on account of Comcast offering up free eps on their Comcast on Demand. But I *had* to cast aside this reluctance for the Old Gregg episode. SO good. And at $1.99 it was cheaper than most of the TV eps sold on iTunes. I think I'm also going to shill out for episode 3.02 ("Journey to the Center of the Punk").

*The State --Episodes 2 &3-- No Barry & LeVon pudding time here, but still VERY funny

In other spending news, I kicked off the weekend buying a new wine. Actually it was a very odd grocery expedition yesterday. I went in to Shaws to buy Jello chocolate mousse but came away with--
XOCHiTL Cajun style tortilla chips-- XOCHiTL is a great brand. They're tortilla chips like I like 'em-- very thin & salty (although this Cajun variety is more spicy than salty) and they come in a GINORMOUS bag

Jones Brand 97% Fat Free Canadian Bacon-- Canadian bacon ROX. I think, as bacon goes, traditional American bacon (hereafter to be referred to as "BACON") is unquestionably superior. I mean, there's good reason that there's whole religions devoted to BACON. Nothin' can touch it!! Canadian bacon, though, makes for a stellar ham substitute. I mean, ham is generally pretty shitty for you, unless it's sliced microscopically thin. But Canadian bacon--3 thickish slices is a serving and 1 serving is a mere 1 point!! Yes, I am doing that again, but no, I don't really wanna talk about it right now.
La Vieille Ferme Cote du ventoux red wine -- I can't really say what type of wine this is--I guess it's sort of a melange. I was in the mood for a red and this one had a "Save $2 now!" coupon on the bottle. And yet, it had a very classy looking bottle. Honestly, I know next to nuttin' about wine and I very often make my decisions based on bottle label aesthetics. (In related news-- you generally can judge a book by its cover. Your frothy chick lit tends to rely on a lot of fluorescent colors--fluorescent pink especially)
Anyways, I tried this tonight and it was pretty decent... I like it better than the last wine I tested out on a whim (that was Malbec) My favorite red is still Beaujolais though

JELLO Mousse Tempations 6pack--"Chocolate Indulgence" flavor. OK, so it's not quite as great as the homemade stuff, but it certainly doesn't suck.

Now my omega-3 binging--

King Oscar sardines -mediterranean style w/ olive oil, black olives, garlic powder & red pepper. (2 cans)
2 packets Starkist Chunk Light tuna packed in H2O.

2 cans anchovies...I can't remember what brand. But after consuming 1/2 can of the sardines tonight, I have conclusively decided that I prefer anchovies to sardines

Also, I was really jonesin' for gorgonzola cheese but I forgot to grab some.

In line, I was staring at my groceries on the conveyor belt, and contemplating "What do my purchases say about me ??" I know that's goofy pop-psychology, but I always think that, simply because I am in the habit of ogling other shoppers' groceries (whoever winds up in line ahead of me or behind me) and trying to "profile" them based on those picks.

And today, I skipped my alumni float planning meeting (that, too, is another post for another day. Remind me..) and went to Big Lots instead. I hadn't been there in quite a while and of course found lotsa stuff I just HAD to buy. Some of it was for my sister's fam, which is good.. because I find that spending guilt is greatly alleviated when you don't keep the goods for yourself (makes sense).
For myself, I got-- a silver cuff bracelet, softlips brand 2pack of lip balm-- vanilla and sheer pink, Revlon ColorStay sheer in sheer Plum (I have this very same type lipstick in Coral & Ruby. I dig it mucho. I like sheer lip color--sheer or glossy-sheer. Y'know I've seen in magazines, where they do these articles highlighting beauty trends, and they spotlight matte lipstick and they show a whole myriad of starlets making matte lipstick look tres cute, but I swear, it always looks STUPID on yours truly) LaCrosse 3-in-1 manicure tool, a movie called Perfume ( their DVDs are $3!! How can I resist that??) a small photo book about porches (a coffee table book...but I've taken the liberty of stowing it pottyside in el bano) Pace 3 chili salsa, Mrs Penny's organic black beans (I'm on a bit of a bean kick right now... just realized how much I like garbanzos, actually)

For my sister I got a book about the town Celebration, FL. This is kind of a joke. When we were in the Kissimee/Orlando area on vaca back in 2004 we kinda blundered into this town and were freaked out by how eerily perfect the place was. It was very tidy. No toys in the yards. Not a lot of people around either. I thought it was funny to find the book (even funnier that it's published by Disney press...considering that Celebration is owned/was constructed by Disney, that makes the book pretty much a bulked-up brochure) I am going to give it to her and say, "Informative look at urban planning...or Stepfordian propaganda? YOU DECIDE"

For the kids I got-- Old fashioned sports-themed wall decals (this is specifically for my nephew Seth...they will fit in very nicely with his jocktastic room) DVDs-- Leonard Part 6 (ok, I think this movie was a big craptacular of Howard the Duck proportions, but I think it has a silliness that the kiddos will dig) and the Best of Beakman's World (I used to watch this show on Sat morns... I don't remember anything specifically except that one all-about-boogers episode when they crawled through a giant schnozz. Great stuff.

In closing, I apologize for such an immensely uninspired post. I felt like I hadn't posted in FOR-EV, and to get back into it with something clever and/or original it would take a hell of a jumpstart. A feeble post like only took a weensie li'l jumpstart.

A'righty.. ciao for now, my lovies...

Sunday, May 02, 2010

meet my baby tax attorney Agnes Q Vandersloot

There is a photo of a mystery baby in my office. This photo was on the floor, and somebody (we don't even know who retrieved it from the floor) believing it to be my coworker Holly's granddaughter, put it in Holly's stuff (Holly sits next to me in the office). Well, Holly doesn't know the mystery tot, but she presumes that if some random-ass picture appeared suddenly amongst her belongings, it was likely *me* that snuck it in there. That's a pretty reasonable presumption there, but in this case it was incorrect. Well, anyways, instead of asking me about the pic, she slid it on to the edge of my desk without a word while I was busy on the phone. And so suddenly, I see this Olan Mills photo of this baby girl with sort of a poofy "baby bouffant" coiffure and I'm like "WHO THE HELL IS THIS BABY??" I *try* and keep the at-work cussing to a minimum, but I happened to be rather frazzled on this particular day, and for some odd reason, a mystery baby cropping up on my desk just further stressed me out (when really it oughtta just be. . .bemusing, eh?)

Still don't know who the baby is or who the baby belongs to. I have slid the photo into the crack on the top of my glass half-partition so that she is standing up & facing out into the office. I'm hoping someone traipsing past will stop in their tracks and say "Heeeey--I have been looking EVERYWHERE for that fotografia!!" Haven't heard that yet though. But about a half dozen times a day now, I hear "Ohhh cute--who is this?" or "Is this your baby?" I quickly tired of the question and got bored with rehashing the true tale of the pic (as rehashed last paragraph... it was pretty dull, right?) So I've made it a game to ad lib some smart-ass or weird answer. "Who is that?" "Mrs Higginbottom, my cleaning woman" "Is this your baby?" "It could be YOUR much are you willing to spend??" (that one particularly shocked Holly...she simply does not see the comedic value of baby peddling, it seems)

I have also joked that if no one claims the bambina, I am going to take the photo and bring it with me to my 15 yr high school reunion (which really is going down next month) and pass her off as my little girl. I really do think my real progeny would be cuter (I mean you should see some of *MY* baby photos--I was effing ADORABLE!!) but I don't have time to crank one of thems out before June 19th, now do I ?? I'll be like..." oh yeah, I didn't mention it previously, but I like ....bred. I was totally going to mention it on the Facebook, but then people would be nagging me to post photos and this photo is the only one I have, and I couldn't scan it because our scanner would MELT the photo...for reals, it gets wicked hot. That's the last time I buy electronics from a van, man"
Ah, we are having a good chortle about it now, but I bet more people do that than you think (it doesn't just happen in ABC Family movies) And kudos to them if they can pull it off with a straight face. No, I shall 'fess up to being a childless singleton. And I feel like, if I'm not bringing a burgeoning li'l family to the proverbial table, I really should transform my singlehood into some glam Carrie Bradshaw style, jet setty singlehood. But then I think...what I should do is not give a rat's ass what anyone thinks of me. I hear people claim that all the time (that they don't care what anyone thinks of them) and I'm always very skeptical of those people. They are either lying bastids, or they are really something else--superhuman, subhuman or just defective. I mean, I don't think it healthy to OBSESS over what others think, but isn't it an intrinsic impulse, hard-wired into the human condition, to crave others' good opinions? I believe so. Yeah, those carefree "I don't give a damn what other people think of me" types...the vast majority is full of GUANO.


I shouldn't rave about junky food (lest I encourage naughty eating habits in those of you readers that idolize my opinions) but I cannot help it in this instance---

Chester's cheesy Puffcorn is utterly MAGNIFICO!! I cannot vouch for the butter flavor variety (not having tried it) but I can't imagine they'd be as good as the cheesy kind. With the name o' "puffcorn" and proclaiming on the bag "Unlike popcorn, no hulls or hard kernels!!" It apparently is being touted as some nouveau-popcorn, but I didn't enjoy it as such. Rather, I found it to be the ideal cheezy poof. There was some other brand cheezy poof that I used to get long ago that had just this same perfect consistency ( very airy, and just slightly less saliva-soluble than cotton candy) but I can't recollect what brand that was. It was maybe Jax or Stateline, I'm not sure, but I know I haven't been able to find 'em for quite a long time.
Okay, a footnote in my own defense--I had grilled trout and steamed kale and baked potato for my supper tonight (in other words, I don't eat crap food ALL the time..)

what's new pussycat--WOOO-OOAH!

Hey's tricks??

I took my tax refund (not all the $$ but a fatty chunk of it) and bought myself a laptop. Don't get me wrong-- I LOVE the thing (and I'm not just saying that because he's in the room with me now) but I haven't quite shaken off the pain of BUYER'S REMORSE. I haven't ever spent this much money in one sitting !! Ok, well, car buys not included...I never had any remorse when buying a car...firstly, there is no debating whether or not it's a necessary purchase (maybe if I lived in NYC or Boston I could debate it, but where I live--it's a slam-dunk MUST have) And secondly, I have always bought used cars (not that I wouldn't love me a shiny new ride, but I have a mighty aversion to taking on a new payment--and car payments are pretty substantial--when I have so many that I'm ignoring already) and they've all been thrifty buys--relatively.

But this purchase...not absolutely necessary, and probably not executed as thriftily as I coulda done. THIS is the one I bought by the way..I'm uhhh, mildly disheartened to see those less-than-thrilled-reviews NOW . As you can see, I didn't exactly " do my homework"...really did not make this decision the Consumer Reports way. I just went to Best Buy and wandered about the rows of laptops until I settled on one that had acceptable specs, an amenable price tag, and that I "had a good feeling about". Now of course, I'm not some kinda rube that thought the price tag price is what you **REALLY**pay . But I guess I hadn't emotionally prepared myself for the computer buying experience. I walked out of the store excited but also feeling a bit manipulated. I hate buying service plans, for one. Maybe it's New England-y and/or old timey of me, but I feel like if you patronize a store and choose to bestow your business on to THEM, then they should service your computer when it gets fucked up. But no, you can't turn to them for help unless you shill out an extra $220 for some 2yr plan. They should just, to use a trite turn of phrase, "stand behind their product". Ok, so they don't manufacture the computers they sell, but still... the point being, Staples is a hop, skip, & pirouette away from Best Buy and I could have easily gone there to buy a computer. I don't understand why, if the economy is in the shitter, and sooo many businesses are "on the bubble" (ummm, yes, I will skim over a feature from Yahoo! Financial on occasion) then why doesn't it seem like anyone is grateful for your business anymore? Some of the onus is on me--unquestionably-- I could have sought out a small, privately-owned business and I probably wouldn't have all these gripes. And I don't have a good reason as to why I didn't do that. Well, pretty much the same reason as why I didn't do any pre-purchase studying. Even though there was a good deal of moolah involved, this was essentially an impulse buy. I *could* have wandered the aisles of Best Buy taking notes on possible laptops to buy, but something in me was urging : Buy it before you lose the nerve!!!

Speaking of nerve, I still haven't mentioned to my father that I bought a laptop. It's stupid...ridiculous....I don't answer to my father and I shouldn't have to tell him I bought anything....or if I were to tell him it should be no big thing. But damn it, if the other voice in my head (not the "Buy it before you lose the nerve" voice..the counter-chorus) doesn't sound just like my Dad's voice. Yeah, I would SOOO prefer Jiminy Cricket, lemme tell yas!! Anyways, this voice would be the one saying "Save! Save! Save! You need to squirrel a li'l $$$ nut away for the imminent demise of your automobile!!" (it uses my dad's voice, but it has my superfluous vocabulary) It would be easier to tell that voice (and my father) to muzzle it, if I didn't see the very sound wisdom in that advice.

Well, I've got a grace period while my dad is at camp hunting--'tis the 1st weekend of turkey season don'tcha know?? He got a turkey yesterday morning and called---he told me the pounds and other specs of it, which apparently my brain did not retain (on account of ..yawwwwn) He's still hunting though, as you can get 2 birds per season (I always wonder if any hunter ever shoots a turkey and has it converted to cold cuts..if he gets another bird, I think he should try it) and probably he's enjoying a li'l break from my mom. Yikes, I don't blame him. I've been keeping an eye on her this weekend, and I told her I'd take her for a drive. After being asked "When are we going??" 10 or 15 times, I told her I'd get my ass in gear when 2pm rolled around. 'Kay so it's 2:05 right now, and she's told me about 3 times per minute in the past 5 minutes that "It's past two!! It's past two!!" I guess I can't defer wrapping this up any longer...

Will post again tonight methinks....