Friday, July 31, 2009

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

recent dispatches..

Some more email voyeurism. Me in Courier, Paul in Lucida Grande, editorial notes bracketed and in italics--
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[from 7/23]

I don’t know why that line outta Shawna amused me so (“Are you into wicker?”) I’m compiling facts for the hypothetical personal ad she could take out if only she weren’t happily wed.

So far I’ve got the phrases “Movie watchers need not apply” & “Must love wicker!!” in there, but it needs a bit more text.


It’s a pretty bizarre question- not something that oen normally considers one’s self “in to”


Yeah- makes me thing of the Pina Colada song, or some variation on that theme.

Also reminds me of the old Louie Anderson joke about how he heads straight for the wicker furniture when visiting friends’ houses.

And I heard some sort of visceral reaction when I used the phrase “Waves a dead chicken over them”…

The Pina Colada song is waaay ridiculous (though I do love it, inexplicably). I feel like a real life version of that scenario would not end in a good chuckle but with somebody getting their car keyed at best…at worst, someone’s gonna smash a hurricane glass on the edge of the bar and then get stabby.

I’ve similar feelings about Human League’s “Don’t You Want Me”
I LOOOOOVE that song.

I think it’s considerably more realistic than “Pina Colada” though.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from Monday 7/27]
…for some fool reason, I was reading up on Dr Oetker. I have eyeballed Dr O products in the store before (their baking mixes mostly, their frozen pizza looks weird) but hadn’t bought any ‘til yesterday when I picked up some of their chocolate mousse mix. Well, as if chocolate mousse wasn’t guilt-inducing enough on its own, I now know that Dr Oetker was a big time Nazi company in the 30s. NAZIS MADE MY CHOCOLATE MOUSSE!!

How positively horrid.

As for other product-shilling docs, I finally did see some Dr Bronner’s soap…they sell it in Walgreens. I *so* love Walgreens.

[in a separate email, moments later...]
Well, I suppose I should specify: I did the final preparations of the mousse, all the labor intensive mixer work and chilling. But it was a Nazi prepared mix. So I had Nazi assistance…

Perhaps picking up some Dr Bronner’s soap will wash my Dr Oetker guilt away. How very poetic justicey that would be with that double meaning of “cleansing” and all that and what not and etcetera.


So its mousse of Nazi origin.

Well, as long as the label doesn’t say “I.G. Farben”…

Well, y’know, what with the labels, Bronner’s is probably a holy substance of some sort…

“Dilute! Dilute! OK!”
All-One!,
Me
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from Tues 7/28 ]
Ever seen a tesseract?
Namaste',
Me
Nope. Don’t even know what it is, I don’t think…
Theoretical geometric construct.

Check this out: http://conflusions.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/4dcube.gif

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Glass_tesseract_animation.gif

And take in to account that it doesn’t actually change shape at all- it’s just rotating.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from today 7/29]
Clara Bow & Theda Bera both have 7/29 birthdays (though Bera’s came along first in 1885, and then Bow was born in 1905)

Speaking of silent films (ha haa) I found this to be a neat-o site:
http://www.goldensilents.com/

It’s peculiar…I find silent films & their actors to be very interesting and yet I don’t really watch silent films. I can only think of one I’ve seen (Metropolis) and that was absolutely EONS ago…

I gotta say though…I’ve always been kinda curious to see Birth of a Nation & possibly somethin’ else by Griffiths..


[again, I shall remind you of P's practice of pasting bits of your last email into his reply, and responding to it bit-by-bit]

Clara Bow & Theda Bera both have 7/29 birthdays (though Bera’s came along first in 1885, and then Bow was born in 1905)

Theda Bera was so kewl.

Speaking of silent films (ha haa) I found this to be a neat-o site: http://www.goldensilents.com/


Ooohhhh…nice! Thanx!

It’s peculiar…I find silent films & their actors to be very interesting and yet I don’t really watch silent films. I can only think of one I’ve seen (Metropolis) and that was absolutely EONS ago…

There’s a near-complete version of “Metropolis” finally available as of not too long ago. I kinda still like the older, incomplete versions, but it’s nice to have a full thing now.

Chaney’s “Phantom of the Opera” is a must-see, and “Cabinet of Dr. Caligari” is one of my all-time fave movies of any sort ever.

There was a silent adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s “Call of Cthulhu” made a couple of years ago- they even used period costuming and effects (for the most part) to add to the verisimilitude.

I gotta say though…I’ve always been kinda curious to see Birth of a Nation & possibly somethin’ else by Griffiths..

Never seen that. Having grown up in a town that had its own Klan chapter, I’m not sure I could stand it.

I’d really love it if there were a full version of Edison’s version of “Frankenstein”…

Namaste',
Me
The Klan in Jersey, huh? I wouldn’t have presumed… though I suppose that’s stereotypical thinking on my part.

I don’t know much about Theda Bera—only that she had sort of a “vamp” persona goin’ on, if I’m not mistaken and I now know her b-day. However, I just did some reading thru the wiki bio of “It Girl” Bow, and WOWSERS!! She had a tumultuous time of it. Biopic fodder, perhaps?? Oh, speaking of biopics, I was just musing the other day that since the biopic seems to be a continually favored movie genre, and musicians –with a good handful of classical musicians—have been very popular picks for biopics (haaaa again!) Therefore….why no Tchaikovsky movie? Lotta dramatic material there…
Unless there has been a Tchaikovsky movie. There hasn’t been, to the best of my knowledge. I don’t know why every interesting biography I take in makes me think “Hey, there’s a good movie” but that probably has a lot to do with me knowing that there are Viewmaster & Where’s Waldo movies in the works…

But back to Bow & Bera…that will probably be my next furtive wiki expedition: the nutshell recap of the life & times o’ Theda Bera….


The Klan in Jersey, huh? I wouldn’t have presumed… though I suppose that’s stereotypical thinking on my part.

South Jersey is more like a section of Alabama that got misplaced. Lots of rebel flags and gin racks on the trucks, baseball caps, flannel shirts and work boots are de rigueur so far as fashion is concerned.

I don’t know much about Theda Bera—only that she had sort of a “vamp” persona goin’ on, if I’m not mistaken

I tend to think of her as the original Goth Chick- just took the subculture five decades to catch on. ;)

and I now know her b-day. However, I just did some reading thru the wiki bio of “It Girl” Bow, and WOWSERS!! She had a tumultuous time of it. Biopic fodder, perhaps??

I’d say so. Be well worth seeing, methinks. Lots of material there.

Oh, speaking of biopics, I was just musing the other day that since the biopic seems to be a continually favored movie genre, and musicians –with a good handful of classical musicians—have been very popular picks for biopics (haaaa again!) Therefore….why no Tchaikovsky movie? Lotta dramatic material there…
Unless there has been a Tchaikovsky movie. There hasn’t been, to the best of my knowledge. I don’t know why every interesting biography I take in makes me think “Hey, there’s a good movie”


Well, yeah- I don’t know if there has been a Tchaikovsky movie yet but it’s rife with potential for good material…

but that probably has a lot to do with me knowing that there are Viewmaster & Where’s Waldo movies in the works…

…and yeah- we do need an antidote to this impending torrent of cinematic drivel

But back to Bow & Bera…that will probably be my next furtive wiki expedition: the nutshell recap of the life & times o’ Theda Bera….

Y’know, I’m not sure that I’ve checked that out either. Should do so.

Kelly recently got a DVD from the people who do findadeath.com that covers famous Hollywood deaths. You don’t want to know how Albert Dekker, the guy who played Dr. Cyclops, went (the wiki version is apparently toned down). They also cover Elizabeth Short/The Black Dahlia (wiki version there is toned-down too)

Theda Bera…seems to have kept her drama onscreen. The most compelling bit I gleaned from her story is that she has the most lost films of anyone with a star on the H’wood Walk of Fame. Also interesting is that her portrayal of Cleopatra…which gives us our most popular image of Bera (or is it Bara?)

Another (totally different) July 29th bday: Cap’n Lou Albano. I was never a wrestling fan, exactly, but there was this rock ‘n’ roll/ WWF Sat morn cartoon that I was utterly devoted to for a spell in my childhood (my have to redo my FB Top 5 Sat morning cartoons to include that one rather than the CBS Storybreak ) Of course, por moi, the biggest fascination surrounding the Cap’n has always been those rubber bands hanging off his cheek piercing. Wonder if he has those still? I doubt it. At 70+ yrs old, it would be even more freakish than it already was.

I have never in my life heard of this Albert Dekker, but you’ve now got me irresistibly compelled to investigate his demise….

Theda Bera…seems to have kept her drama onscreen.

For the most part. I always liked her image and publicity shots- esp the one of her sitting by the skeleton. She was definitely not typical of the women of her age.

The most compelling bit I gleaned from her story is that she has the most lost films of anyone with a star on the H’wood Walk of Fame.



That I had not remembered.

Also interesting is that her portrayal of Cleopatra…which gives us our most popular image of Bera (or is it Bara?)

Bara.


Another (totally different) July 29th bday: Cap’n Lou Albano. I was never a wrestling fan,

I watched a bit in the ‘80’s ‘cause it was kinda funny, and I watched in the early ‘90’s so I’d have something to talk to my co-workers about. I’ve heard that since Vince McMahon took over running the WWF it’s turned in to an uber-sleazefest.

exactly, but there was this rock ‘n’ roll/ WWF Sat morn cartoon that I was utterly devoted to for a spell in my childhood (my have to redo my FB Top 5 Sat morning cartoons to include that one rather than the CBS Storybreak ) Of course, por moi, the biggest fascination surrounding the Cap’n has always been those rubber bands hanging off his cheek piercing. Wonder if he has those still? I doubt it.


Oh yeah- I remember that cartoon. Never watched it, tho. I remember Roddy Piper having some sort of silly accent that the real Roddy never had. Wasn’t the show akin to the Dukes of Hazzard cartoon in that it focused on a race or some sort of competition?

At 70+ yrs old, it would be even more freakish than it already was.


I’ve a 60-something friend in NOLA who has purple hair and piercings.

I have never in my life heard of this Albert Dekker, but you’ve now got me irresistibly compelled to investigate his demise….

Let me put it this way- Carradine was a piker by comparison.

Namaste',
Me
[big shift in topic now..]
So, Eileen came up to me to tell me that she’s going to be in the Orange Room with the laminator.

Naturally, that got me thinking of how to do a VNA version of Clue.


“Laura is in the Grafton Room with the pulse-ox”

“Paul is in the Supply Room with the hole-puncher”

“Sandra is in the Windsor Room with the tegaderm”

OK..but that’s hardly fair—what the hell damage can I do with Tegaderm??

Well, in all fairness, what damage can you do with a pulse-ox?
But you could possibly fashion a garrote out of tegaderm

Too much work…the worst I could do w/ Tegaderm is apply it to the hairiest area of my foe’s arm and then rip it off with the utmost rapidity and malice.

Pulse Ox would be an easier weapon…the old ones are heavy enough to do some bludgeoning, and the wee finger ones are on lanyards (strangling lanyards, if need be). See, I’ve been putting a lot of thought into how I am going to survive (if not, indeed triumph) if another VNA attacks us a la a Crimson Permanent Assurance sorta siege


Too much work…the worst I could do w/ Tegaderm is apply it to the hairiest area of my foe’s arm and then rip it off with the utmost rapidity and malice.

Ow!

Pulse Ox would be an easier weapon…the old ones are heavy enough to do some bludgeoning,

True enough.

and the wee finger ones are on lanyards (strangling lanyards, if need be).

Or shove it down someone’s throat to choke them.

See, I’ve been putting a lot of thought into how I am going to survive (if not, indeed triumph) if another VNA attacks us a la a Crimson Permanent Assurance sorta siege

Or if the Zombie Apocalypse hits…

I keep thinking that if things continue the way that have been so far this week, Sam will be lurking in a room somewhere with a letter-opener by Friday.

['nother big topic switch..]

Re: awesomeness that I cannot hoard
THIS is a blog of a chick who knits movie characters. It’s way more cool than it initially sounds.

Probably for work, the wiser option would be to just peruse
THIS quickie slideshow of her “greatest hits” . That Joker is way adorable (I think you should email this lady & commission one for the new bambino of su casa)
[I tinkered with those links so's they work in this post btw]

[a quick anomaly next--an email to Ann, who has publicly declared her repulsion w/ the practice of reading in the bathroom]

Hi-ya Ann…….
I spied that someone left the A section of the Valley News in one of the bathrooms. It would appear someone does not share your views on malingering apr├Ęs B.M.

Let the record show, however, that although I oppose you on this point, I was *NOT* the one reading The Valley News in the loo.

Thank you,
The Management


[now some science...]
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090728/sc_afp/sciencearmsoffbeat

…I never really deliberately debated swing vs. don’t swing. ..I’ve always just let ‘em do what they will. Now this has got me wondering whether I’ve got a “normal swing” or “opposite to normal swing” I feel like I’m going to be hypersensitive about my perambulation-accompanying arm movement all day.

As for the “why”, ever since seeing Big’s swingin’ in the Patterson-Gimlin film, that it was “is an evolutionary relic from when we used to go about on all fours.” (just as the Yahoo article’s experts say)

…I never really deliberately debated swing vs. don’t swing. ..I’ve always just let ‘em do what they will. Now this has got me wondering whether I’ve got a “normal swing” or “opposite to normal swing” I feel like I’m going to be hypersensitive about my perambulation-accompanying arm movement all day.
--Hm- interesting. I’d sort of figured as much, but never had the stats to back it up.
As for the “why”, ever since seeing Big’s swingin’ in the Patterson-Gimlin film, that it was “is an evolutionary relic from when we used to go about on all fours.” (just as the Yahoo article’s experts say)
--OK- got that. I was thinking of the Bigfoot footage when I read that too.
I was also thinking of the Seinfeld episode with the woman who didn’t move her arms at all when she walked.
Namaste',
Me
I can’t believe I never saw that episode (considering how Seinfeld was absolutely syndicated to death)
[another 180...we're all over the map today..]

Subject: always knew it would come to this...

http://www.thelocal.se/19120.html
Namaste',
Me
AND SO IT HAS BEGUN….

(And me sans catchpole, dammit…)

[now abandoning the robot uprising for some trivial Facebook-related chatter..]

I manage to refrain from hitting FB while in the office but can’t squelch the curiosity re: what FB activity might be percolatin’, hence regular peeks into my home email inbox (where my FB notifications are emailed) After a friend request I just got, however, I was in such a state of shock, that I couldn’t resist logging into FB to immediately confirm the request.

This is a dude that I was only passing acquaintances with, and I haven’t seen since the *5th grade*. How bizarre. This isn’t the first friend request I’ve had from waaay out in the wild blue arbitrary yonder, (the first one to make me break my no-FB-log ins-at-work rule, is all) and every time I get these I imagine the requestor is running some kind of report of everyone in his/her age group from his/her hometown and friending ALL the results.

On the other hand, this was the fellah who very gallantly offered to escort me onto the ice as a means of balance when I was the only 5th grade weenie on our class ice skating field trip who was a total amateur and petrified of busting some part of my skeleton. Always struck me as extraordinarily chivalrous…could be that he’s been maaaadly in love with me since 5th grade.

Swell…

Wow- that’s a long ways back. I haven’t maintained contact with anyone from grade school except the Dodge family (who I mentioned before- I’ve friended five of the siblings, didn’t know three of the others all that well and have one pending request) and an ex-neighbor who I also worked with and who now lives across the street from my parents.

I’ve mentioned how weird it’s been getting friend requests from people from the distant past who I hardly interacted with.

And I found your speculation on motive funny- I got on FB because of my experiences with Classmates, which I’d originally joined to track someone from school down to apologize for something that I didn’t do.

On the other hand, this was the fellah who very gallantly offered to escort me onto the ice as a means of balance when I was the only 5th grade weenie on our class ice skating field trip who was a total amateur and petrified of busting some part of my skeleton. Always struck me as extraordinarily chivalrous…

--Well, I’d take that as a good sign…

the Citizen Kane of bad film??

I'm intrigued by this movie "The Room"...which is being touted as "the Citizen Kane of bad movies".

For some reason this flick merited a segment on ABC News (online)--where I caught wind of it. I have an affinity for so-bad-it's-good cinema. The danger is that there is a very fine line between cheeztastic so-bad-it's-good fare, and just straight-out BAD fare. The ideal way to catch "The Room" then, methinks, would be to attend one of these Rocky Horror Picturesque style screenings that are going on across the U.S. (or so sez Charlie Gibson) That way, it would probably still be an exceptional experience, regardless of whether the movie charmed me or not.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

little acts o' kindness

This week $$$ is tight . No shocker there...it seems to always work out that-a-way the week of payday. So first, I decided to allow myself a mere 50cents for breakfast money...that would be my cup of java (out of the office Keurig) and I would gnosh on some of the 100 year old graham crackers I have squirreled away in my desk. At the last minute though, I decided to be a smidge splurgier and shell out $1.50, by hitting up Dunkin' Donuts for one of their 99cent "wake-up wraps" ..then go forward with the Keurig coffee as previously planned.

My anecdote would, at this point, greatly benefit from a map. I am going to pop on over to MS Paint and bang one out. Please stand by...


Wow, that took me quite some time for such a shitty lookin' end result. Anywhoo... back to my tale.

I take the legit route into the drivethru, offa Rte. 12A, through the DD parking lot. I'm just to the point where a "back door" drive cuts into the drive thru. It's a handy thing (this rear entry) if you're coming from Benning (and pretty necessary as it would be such a pain to have to go to the lights and turn into 12A traffic ) , but if you're already in the drivethru line it's kinda vexing. It's like cutting in line. I'm generally pretty patient, but this a.m., when this green sedan starts nosing down that drive, I wasn't really in the mood to let 'em in, mostly because I was running late for work. But then I recognize the driver--Oh, it's Barb from Accounting!! And I say to myself, "Well, if I'm terribly late for work, I will blame Barb." So I wave her ahead of me.

So, I've put my window down, because it's shaping up to be a lovely warm day already (got up into the 90s today!!) And I'm being a nosey-ass, and listening to what Barb is ordering, not that I have to strain my cochleas that much, because she's doing a lot of yelling and repeating because the DD drivethru crew were having some hearing and/or comprehension difficulties. So consequently, I catch 2 of her 3 hollers of "I'm going to get the lady behind me as well!!" WICKED NICE, EH??

So I know before I order she's very graciously picking up my tab. Now for some reason, I immediately am mindful to act as if I am totally in the dark about this. I don't know why...it's not as if Barb is watching me. Perhaps I didn't want to lessen the thrill of the DD staffer who got to deliver the news, I dunno. Ok, well I have a good theory. And it shows what a weird and twisty psyche I have. Now, when I got to the speaker...do you think I ordered my 99cent Wake-up Wrap?? No siree Bob. I ordered the #3-- med coffee & a Sausage, Egg & Cheese Croissant (even though this about the messiest drive-thru b-fast grub imaginable...and I happen to have spent a good 20 minutes attacking my keyboard with the 3M canned air on Friday). So here we get to the weird & twisty: I consciously took advantage of Barb's goodwill HOWEVER, if I maintained a good enough act of possessing no prior knowledge (ostensibly making any advantage-taking inadvertant) then that would somehow alleviate my guilt? It shouldn't work, but it did. I was grinning ear to ear when I left DD, thinking:" This sure as hell beats stale(ish) graham crackers"

When I met up with Barb at the office door, I exclaimed "You're TOO SWEET!! Thank you so much!!" which she answered with a genuinely puzzled "Huh?" And I said "My breakfast" gesturing with my coffee & croissant-bearing paper sack. She didn't know it was me! (I'd presumed she did) And she's all "Oh, I do that about once a month for somebody." So, Barb is even wicked nicer than I originally posited. It's too bad, I suppose, that it takes a gratis breakfast sammi for me to proclaim that someone is nice. Oh, wellll... if someone had previously asked me about Barb, I would have said she was nice. But I guess I just wouldn't have said so without provocation. Just goes to show you the power of a goodwill gesture. (TANGENT: Reminds me of when I first met one of my besties, Roxanne. I was working at GDT and they had me help train a couple of new people. I'm truly BAFFLED as to why since I was pretty crappy at that job. But anyways...Rox was one of my trainees, and when she was out of her training period, they stationed her in a cubicle across the aisle from me. I thought she seemed nice enough, but I had no intention of befriending her. Then one day, I come back from lunch and there is a coffee cake sitting on my desk. Just out of the f-king wild blue yonder, someone has bought for me a cake. And, Reader's Digest version--she's been one of my best buds ever since)

I was telling my sis about this croissant windfall (highlight of my damn day prob'ly) and she very practically pointed out how this practice might backfire on Barb big time. I mean, supposin' I was on my way to work at a construction site, and was charged to buy eats for the whole damn crew: 4 boxes of Joe and 3 dozen doughnuts!! That would hurt the ol' wallet , no doubt. Though the accrued positive karma would be terrific...

I sent Barb a follow up thank you email (with a cute little squirrel cartoon in it). I may be a mooch, but I'm no ingrate. Well, maybe mooch is not the right term as I didn't whine & whinge and coerce anyone into footing my breakfast bill. I'm a taker of advantage...a manipulator? There's got to be a smoother way of phrasing it...

Anyways, I do feel a smidge guilty about it now(not the Barb paying part so much as my order switcheroo) Guess I oughtta just "pay it forward" (can't pay a damn thing 'til after Friday though, homies...)

me mucho gusto musica

Here were the musical highlights of my commute home from work yesterday--
TV on the Radio-- Wolf Like Me I LOOOOVE this song. I know I've gushed so before but it merits re-gushing.
Dr Dog-- The Ark--nasty vid, great song. (I couldn't find a full track to share that was audio only)
Tom Jones-- She's a Lady--do not follow that link..it goes to a shitty remix version that I am LESS than impressed with (I just felt like it was only fair play to give TJ a link too) Oh, and I have the most marvelous Tom Jones pic ever...it is too , too marvelous to put up at this juncture, it would render me incapable of typing with its magnificence if I put it up now..you're going to have to wait until the very end of my post.
Anyways..back to "..Lady" I dunno if it's my #1 FAVE TJ tune, but it's high up there on the list. I've always been amused by this part in the 2nd verse when he sings " You can leave her on her own, knowing she's ok alone and there's no messin'' It's always felt to me like he's bragging about what a fine job he's done in housebreaking said lady. Haaa.

Now later on, I was chillaxing, getting tucking myself in for some ZZZzzzs, I shifted into classical mode. Here are just a couple of my favorite classical pieces..

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky-- 1812 Overture-- I suppose your BIG NAMES in classical music are Mozart & Beethoven (which, by the way, I always pronounce it Beet Hoven {long e & non silent H in my head}...like they do in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure) but I think Tchaikovsky is AMAAAAZING. I'm not saying Tchaikovsky isn't famous, but I don't think he's counted as one of the big, BIG NAMES (more or less, what I mean by this is that--tragically-- he's not apt to be given as a clue on $25,000 Pyramid when one of the pyramid squares is "Classical Composers") and that is a ginormo fatass injustice, that. And why no movie about Tchaikovsky?? He had a very dramatic backstory.
I have a briefer version of the 1812 on my iPod (it's about the last 3 1/2 minutes) and last summer, when my sis threw a 4th of July bash, complete with halfway decent amateur fireworks, I played it loud over the boombox for the fireworks display. Pity nobody seemed to realize how brilliant this was of me (besides me)

Erik Satie--Gymnopedies No.3-- such a beautiful ,beautiful song. This version from YouTube (that I linked to) is a pretty close match to the version I have (w/ orchestra accompaniment) I think Satie's original was a bit sparser, focusing more on the piano.
Sergei Prokofiev-- Montagues & Capulets -- Love this...gives me a similar thrill to the one I feel listening to Grieg's In the Hall of the Mountain King.

OK, now...as previously promised...what quite possibly is the BEST EVER photographic presentation of a popular recording artist... BEHOLD!!


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Mr Ed, License to Kill

I once swore I'd never get into the mostly asinine "gift-giving" applications on Facebook. A select few of my FB friends seemed to use these CONSTANTLY and I found it obnoxious and stupid. I must somewhat retract that assertion, because I've stumbled on to a few rather cool gift apps I'm using now. Now even these cool ones I'm not being obnoxious about and disseminating them to mass multitudes on a daily basis , just maybe once a week, only to those I think will appreciate my pick...

So I'm revising my stance on it to say that it entirely depends on what gifts you are choosing to send out. I still find it pointless and dumb to send someone "huggies" or flowers on Facebook. The worst (and what appears to be very popular amongst the aforesaid select few) is sending out drinks on Facebook. WTF? A Facebook mojito is so vastly incomparable to swilling the real thing. If anything, it sucks, because it makes you hanker for a mojito, and chances are, you don't have any fucking fresh mint on hand, now do you?

But it did amuse me to send a few friends Garbage Pail kids. Now with those, well, it's not exactly the same experience as getting a real GPK, but hey-- you get the graphic, the punny name , it's a decent approximation, though perhaps a smidge less gratifying. I also used the "Tacky Gifts of Kitsch & Camp" app, and what I liked about that one is that you can pick something really wackadoo from waaaay out of proverbial left field and that kind of arbitrary surprise has comic potential. I sent the Ethel Merman Disco Album to a bunch of friends. I mean, c'mon...Ethel Merman + disco= how the hell can you resist being delighted??

The gift app I'm diggin' right now is "Monty Python gifts" and the more you send, the more you unlock, which is a big part of why I'm hooked-- I can't resist discovering which new MP stuffs will become available to me. And they all trigger little Pythonic flashbacks that make me chuckle. For instance, the pantomime horse that Paul just sent me inspired me to revisit one of my faaaave skits on YouTube....

today in the bathroom...

Don't worry, I'm not gonna be a hogger. (not this time)

At my office, we have 4 single seater potties (just a toilet & sink in the room, no stalls) --2 in the front half of the building and 2 in the back half. In the second of the 2 back bathrooms I hid a makeup bag in the spare TP cabinet. I have recently taken to locking myself in that bathroom --around 10am--and spending 5-10minutes beautifying. Oh, okay, SURE, I suppose I could take a few extra minutes in the morning and "put my face on " before work. But I figure, if half my office is taking 4 or 5 cig breaks a day, and just strolling out to the far side of the parking lot to loiter and devastate their poor lungs, then my 5-10 minutes are totally justifiable. I mean, at least my breaks are beneficial..to me, and to everyone who has to look at my sorry mug.

So, I just bought some liquid eyeliner this past weekend. First of all, it was e.l.f. brand, and all that stuff is just a dollar at Kmart. Secondly, I have *always* done a pencil eyeliner and wanted to try somethin' new. Liquid eyeliner is supposed to be good for doing precise lines. Ok, well the kinda shitty thing about precise lines is that if you don't have an utterly steady-Eddie hand, your liner looks kinda horrendous. With my usual pencil liner, I swipe a quick swipe in the approximate correct vicinity, and if my line is less than flawless, I just smudge it up a bit and it looks more or less OK. Not so with the liquid liner. Oh, and yesterday I got a large splotch of liner right on my eyeball (the right one) and the cleanup procedure there is rather nasty. UGH. But I'm much improved today. So I will continue on with the liquid liner..in the hopes of bettering my technique.

Oh, but is liquid liner supposed to SMELL so? This stuff I got reeks a kinda gasolinish stench.

Even though I think myself completely justified in my a.m. "beauty breaks", I think perhaps I oughtta cover my tracks by starting a rumor that I have I.B.S. Probably the most natural locale in which to let fly with this faux info would be right at the Keurig machine. As in : "Oh, I do so enjoy my tasty a.m. coffee, but dang it, does it ever raise heck with my IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME!! Heh, heh, heh..those pesky bowels of mine!!"

On my last bathroom trip of the day, I was suddenly inspired to try to fold the bottom edge of the T.P. into an artful little point, like they do in hotel room pottys. I failed pretty badly, but my attempts amused me more than they should have. I find that whole custom inordinately fascinating. According to the wikipedia page about it, it's primarily meant as a signal that your bathroom has been cleaned. I dunno. When I mull it over, what it really means is that some maid's grubby fingers have been doing extensive fumbling with my T.P. So if I were a germophobe, I would not be charmed in the slightest by the TP point practice. As it happens, I am probably too much at the other end of the germ-fear spectrum. I am a consummate double dipper, an only sporadic user of toilet seat covers (they get stuck in the ass crack, if you must know) it's a minor miracle that I have yet to come down with the H1N1 ...

Saturday, July 18, 2009

He's GOT to be foolin'

I love C-Chan as much as the next chick, but Johnny Depp playing her in a biopic movie? Re-flippin'-DUNKULOUS!!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I keep *MEANING* to post but I'm mentally constipated. I assure yous though: I feel very bad and negligent about this posting drought.

I'm taking a loooong weekend this weekend (have Mon & Tues off) so hopefully that will leave me with some blog fodder. But just in case this weekend fails to inspire...think up a topic or two for me to jump start my noggin, please & thank y'all!!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

tools

This morning I got to contemplating paper spikes (which, I discovered after a smidgen of Wikipedia perusal, are more properly referred to as "spindles") This started out because I was laughing at one of the managers because everytime someone from the state pops in for a viz, they always flip their fucking gourds, and get all sorts of panicky. Invariably they do a quick sweep (our managers, not anyone from the state) to make sure everyone knows an auditor is in house and make sure that you have your ID badge on. Now in all these many auditor ambushes I have been present in the office for, only twice have I actually seen these staties and NEVER have any of them frisked me for my badge. But whatev. It was not so much the action I was ridiculing but the excessive hysteria that went with, y'know?


Anyways I sez to Paul, I sez: "You'd think it was a brigade of f-ing STORM TROOPERS" And he replied "They act like it's the Crimson Permanent Assurance" and because I'm a bit of a Python geek, I caught that one right off (& chortled accordingly). I said "That would be AWESOME. Well, if I didn't get hit in the face with a filing cabinet drawer that would be awesome" And this triggered in my noggin some flashbacks of that battle scene. And the old pirate accountant fellahs brandish their paper spindles as rapiers.



And now I sort of want one. Don't know why office supply artifacts should fascinate me so, but they do. I'm imagining the small rush of glee that accompanies finishing a project (really taxing my memory bank on that one...it's been sooo long since I've actually been able to accomplish anything at work) . The physical rite of this is putting that paper in your outbox. There is (or I think there is) a measure of gratification in this task. I would bet that gratification would be amplified if you could be like, " I am sooo very done with this that I'm a-gonna IMPALE the muthafuckaaah!" Don'tcha think?



I don't think I could use a spindle in lieu of my outbox, but I just would like it as a piece of office archaelogy... possibly as a makeshift sword should the occasion arise. I put it on my dream office gizmos wishlist..just below the catchpole.

Speaking of battles, I judge THIS to be highly awesome.

Another banter subject today was Weird Al. I was saying how all of a sudden and apropos of nuttin', my oldest niece & nephew are way in to him . They've got him downloaded onto their iPods..they quote his songs. Oy vey! I don't know if I'm embarrassed for them or just embarrassed (OK, I do know, it's both) I don't wanna be hatin' on W.A., I can't deny that the dude is very clever with his parodies. But he just makes me cringe...it's a little bit to do with his unabashed dweebiness and A LOT to do with the sound of his voice singing. It's an irrational, reflexive kind of response that I feel's unfair of me but still.... I've counseled the kids: it's one thing to like Weird Al, but they really should try to keep it on the down low if at all possible.

Paul posited that Weird Al fandom may be inevitable around a certain age. He could have a point there. Around 1989, I was absolutely sure that UHF was the finest piece of cinema ever put to film. I've since abandoned that notion, but I'm still rather fond of the flick and it is a part of my DVD collection (I know, I know! After deriding the dude just 1 paragraph ago! HYPOCRITE!)

Any whoo, in honor of our "tools" theme, here is one of the movie's choicest nuggets o' parody.


8 times out of 10, when I encounter a spatula, that jingle plays in my head.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

My ticket to a free trip to Finland

..I have always wanted to go to Finland. I pine for the fjords.

Better get training for the 2010 championships. I fear that if I were to excel in this sport it would hafta be as a carrier and NOT a carry-ee.

gesticulating on the go

When a driver makes the effort to yield for me, either when I'm on foot or driving my (P.O.S.) car, I give him/ her a little wave. I was thinking the other day how inadequate the wave is in this capacity. I mean, translated into verbal language, it's "Hello" , right? (or "ello-Hay" if you're some Pig Latin spouting wackadoo) I would like there to be some sort of simple hand gesture that directly correlates to the phrase "Thank you". The other day I considered flashing another driver an ASL " I love you". I refrained. Wonder what sorta reception I'd have gotten?