Tuesday, June 30, 2009

So-- sha la la la la la milady

Today I went to an hour long meeting training us on how to use our phones (phones we've had since January, by the way). Now, I'm hardly an imbecile when it comes to office equipment and I've figured out on my own how to basically use the phone. What I wanted from training was perhaps some little tips or tricks that may have escaped me. I really could've done with just popping in to the training, swiping the "quick user guide" cheat sheet hand-out, and bolting. But a whole hour of sitting there, with no one on my ass about doing something for them....that,I could NOT pass up.
Anyways, the billing manager, Pam brings her lunch into this training. This session I attended happened to be at noon, and that's when Pam takes her lunch. So instead of pushing her lunch back to 1pm, she brings her lunch to training. And I don't think it's that she was hungry. I do believe it's because she didn't want to tarry any longer than she had to in regions of the office that weren't her desk. She really is a Poindexter like that. She doesn't seem to grasp that one must sieze as much justifiable downtime as one possibly can.
So that is how I wound up sitting next to Pam as she ate her lunch (normally it wouldn't happen). And as she's cracking open her Tupperware, she's giving us all a disclaimer "Sorry if my salad grosses anyone out. I just kinda hobble together whatever leftovers I have kicking around and throw them into my salad." And I'm in the middle of saying " Oh, creative & eclectic cuisine--I can appreciate that." when I spy hot dog slices in her salad and the incongruity of that juxtaposition stops me 1/3 of the way through that utterance. And I instead inquire: "HOT DOGS?" I mean, a salad is like this garden of nutritious virtue & it struck me as kind of MANIACAL to just throw chunks of the food Antichrist in there. And she goes, "Yep. I told you. I just throw in whatever leftovers I find in the fridge. I got hot dogs, blueberries..." Yuck. I guess blueberries in a salad isn't TREMENDOUSLY wacky... I mean, a lot of people put bits of fruit in their salad (though I am not a fan) . But I was focusing on the blueberry-hot dog combo. Imagining a nice dog in a New England style hot dog roll (since I mention it, I vehemently feel that they should discontinue, immediately &forevermore, the other style hot dog roll --y'know the heel-o'-the-bread sided kind. Those are an ABOMINATION!!) with gloppy blueberry pie filling used as relish. SO. NASTY. Add to that a salad. Thanks but nooooo thanks! I said to Pam,"Any Captain Crunch in there?" and she said "NOOO. That would get soggy!!"

So didja guess what song I listened to on my way home from work tonight? Oh, didn't know you was supposed to be guessing, didja? Well the post title was a large-ish clue. I am soon to embed a vid and if you can't come up with it even after that big FAT hint..well, I'm gon' have yo' mamma put a cork on yer fork.

Such a happy, summery tune. Although, when I searched it on YouTube, I was hoping to come up with some kind of concept video (dunno what I was thinking...as the song came out in 1977...not too many concept vids out there then)
Also heard Uncle John's Band, which is most definitely my #1 top Grateful Dead song.
Oh, and a Michael Jackson song came on--PYT. Love that one-- it's one of my favorites of MJ's.
Y'know it occurred to me the other day (actually last Friday, right after the news had broken. Was listening to "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" on my commute in to work) that I've always had a small twinge of mourning when listening to MJ-- for YEARS and YEARS. Always there's this lament of " He used to be SO f-ng cool. It's a damn shame that he morphed into such a freakshow." Well, now I shall always lament: " He used to be SO f-ng cool. It's a damn shame that he morphed into such a freakshow. And then died." So really, it amounts to just a slight shift in my emotional response. I have always and will always love his music ( just the early stuff actually...anything prior to the 90s).

Tonight, PYT got me musing over the term "Tenderoni". WHO pioneered that one? This intrigues me in the same way that I yearn to know who was the very first to implore crowds to throw their hands up in the air and move them in a waving, careless sort of fashion (ha). I mean, logically, I do know what they mean when they say "Tenderoni",but I can't help the connotations that flood my brain. Totally feels like it's some obscure Chef Boyardee product!!

I gotsta go catch some ZZZzzzs, kiddies.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

low key weekend

I have not very much moolah to last me through 'til my July2 paycheck, so the plan for this weekend was to lay low and not spend any $$. I almost managed to do it. I laid low and spent a smallish amount of $$.

Friday night-- Went to meet Laura & the little girls at Mc Donalds for dinner. They have monster Angus burgers there now. It was pretty yummy but..never again. If the arterial blockage doesn't do me in, the colossal remorse will. I figger thems run about 8 or 9 THOUSAND calories per burger. F*ckin' A!!!

Saturday-- Took my niece Chloe out for the day. We hit up this street fest in Claremont for a bit & then walked around Tremont Square for a while. There's a cute used bookstore there I'd never been in ('twas cute, but it's certainly no Encore!) and they were having a fill a bag with used hardcovers for $5 sale. Seems like I shoulda dropped $5 fer sure, but I just couldn't find any reads I couldn't do without. Chloe did well though -- and really crammed that bag to capacity (good girl!)!! Then I took her to the movies, but economics being as they are, we made a pre-movie trip to Market Basket and bought movie snacks there. I could tell Chloe was a wee bit nervous about getting busted for that but it worked out fine. We saw Land of the Lost. I had heard such vile reviews for it, but I kinda liked it. Chaka cracked me up and I SOO dig Danny McBride, I think I would watch him in just about anything.
That night I took my Mom out for pizza in Springfield. This place called The Subway.. they've been in business since1974. I know the exact year of establishment because their sign out front reads "The Subway established 1974" I presume that's not their original sign. I mean, I don't think an eatery would proclaim their date of establishment until they've reached a tenure where they are damned impressed by their own longevity. So maybe that sign was put up ...1990 or so? I like The Subway, like their old skool pizza joint vibe and their old skool pizza. They always have a lot of free reads laying about and I always enjoy a browse through the Picket Fence Preview ( a for-sale-by-owner real estate paper) and the latest Avon catalog while I wait for my grub. They have this ongoing special-- a 15" two topping pizza & two 20 oz sodas for $12.95. I think that's damned reasonable.

Sunday--Slept in and missed church. Went to my folk's house, where I tried on the Sketchers 4wheelers that have been banished to the attic for 8 yrs and tried my hand at rollerskating. Yep, I haven't the first clue about how to rollerskate and I bought myself these old school rollerskates. I think I was influenced as a young 'un by all the Sesame Street segments of Big Bird & David rollerskating that a romantic vision of rollerskating still resonates with me to this day. I mean, c'mon, doesn't this inspire YOU??

So, I used a high back white plastic patio chair as a sort of skating walker and skated up and down the walk (this is a narrow 10 ft stretch, that is the only paved bit in front of my parents' house that isn't sloped downhill) about 5 or 6 times. But REAL pathetic like. I mean, David in that video (and I refer to the jeans-clad reality version of David) looks like a damned PRO compared to me. The girls (Sadie & Lucy) came out to watch me. They thought it was a real hoot (glad I could amuse) When I went to turn around to "skate" over to look at a fat toad in the basement window well, I fell on my arse. But it was a slow motion sort of fall and I totally prepped myself for impact. Elbow in the grass, landed tipped to the side on the very meatiest of ass padding, held my head up. Sadie said "You should take those off now, Auntie." So I did.

Then I went with my parents to take the girls to McD's (their pick.. I just got a big soda and stole a few fries) Then we went to Home Depot -looking for a hanging light for over the new island in the kitchen...and Dad wanted me to help pick it out. They had a lot of cute options, but the problem was they all exposed the bulb(well all the nicest ones did), and in HD they were fitted out with nice globe-ish bulbs and looked fine but Dad is using the energy efficient spirally bulbs so those would look dumb. Do they make any energy efficient bulbs in a nice normal round shape?? Anybody?
Later, I laid out in the shade, on a towel on the mossy ground under the apple tree and read a little bit of Tom Robbins. The appletree is all over grown and the bows touch down to the ground, so it was like a hideout of sorts. Very nice and peaceful, and I wound up curling up on my left side and falling asleep. I didn't think I would on account of all the multitudes of ants and skeeters and various creepie crawlies that musta been traipsing on me...but I did. And Kermit curled up in the crook of my knee and had himself a cat nap. That Kermit is so steadfast and sociable and good natured...I suspect he is a dog in a cat's body.
Speaking of cats...have I mentioned here about Sugar Booger? About 2 weekends ago (the last weekend I devoted to "laying low and not spending $$") I discovered a kitten stowing away in my parents garage. He growled whenever you went near him, and he went APE SHIT LOCO on my Dad when he scooped him up to put him in the cat carrier. Anyways, we've since done a good job of socializing him (a little Meow Mix & scratching of the chinny chin chin works wonders) and I think he's a keeper. I named him Sugar Booger (on account of him being sweet and also having some nasty nasal oozage issues) Usually I just call him Booger. Or Boogs. Anyways, as Boogs has gotten progressively more snuggly lately, I've had the opportunity to get a close up whiff of him. The poor li'l fellah smells like greazy ASSCRACK. Or I oughtta say smelled like asscrack. Because after my nap, I was possessed by my inner 6 yr old and proceeded to give the cat a bath. He was really better about it than I'd expected him to be. He was clawing at the insides of the bucket a bit but I didn't get a scratch on me. And he didn't make a peep. After his bath he snuggled up on my shoulder and purred and licked at himself (either doing some QA work or because he likes the taste of the Chamomile Suave shampoo that I scrubbed him down with) for about 20 min. He *obviously* liked being clean. He was like, I wasn't a big fan of the bath but I do feel much better now. You were SO RIGHT about me smelling like sweaty ass before!!
And then I ate perch, watched Futureworld on Comcast on Demand and painted my fingernails this cool Pepto Bismol pink (Wet & Wild # 215 "True Love" to be utterly precise). After the movie, I hopped on Facebook and uhhh..that about brings us current.

My sincere apologies for such a dull-ass post. But at least I made with the thrilling rollerskating footage, si??

Thursday, June 25, 2009


And now that I've put it off twice, I feel like I've built up this needless sense of suspense for the macaw story and I'm sure y'all will be disappointed. It's really nothin' MAJOR, but just the same here goes...

Was working in the supply room the other day, and then I return to my desk and upon said desk I find: a printout of a wikipedia hi-res photo of a macaw. Immediately, I'm all, "Paul--what the HELL?" Because who else in the office, aside from Paul, would be gifting me with unexplained macaw pictures?? (I'll tell you: no one) Then I figured , well if it's not a Paul-o-gram of some sort, then somebody found a weird pic on the printer and just ASSUMED I printed it (ok, it's a fair assumption. I'm still a bit insulted though)

OK, cut to 10 minutes later, I have gotten the call to jet out to the wilds of Enfield and fetch some blood (the bosslady had drafted me for this errand earlier that a.m.) that I would then run to the DHMC lab. I hit DHMC and I figure...what the shit..I was waiting *forever* for that call to ring in and I skipped lunch...I am damn well OWED a chocolate croissant on company time. So I do not go directly back to my car after finishing up at the lab, instead I head over to Au Bon Pain. En route to said bakery (it's in the hospital) I see this nurse June in the hallway. "What are you doin' here?" I asked, not even noticing that 1/2 her right hand is wrapped up in gauze. And she sez: "One of our patient's birds BIT ME!!" To which I responded " Was it A MACAW??" And then I launched into this story about the mystery print-out on my desk and how maybe this is the key to the whole mystery (not in those words..that sounds like the jacket copy on a Nancy Drew book) I wonder if June found it funny (I did...later) that my primary concern was with making sense of this print out left rather randomly on my desk and that I was only passingly interested in her gaping bloody flesh wound.

I also feel as if this validates my many prior assertions that birds are wicked nasties. In this very blog, in fact, I have ranted about how macaws in particular are an abomination. If I'd been June, I woulda gone all Ozzy Osborne on the mo-fo macaw!!
One spot on the yahoo homepage that I always glance at is their list of the day's most popular searches. There's always very au courant stuff there, almost all "buzz-worthy" search subjects, but what I'm looking for is the other 1 or 2. Everyday there is usually at least 1 "WTF???" on that list. So that's what I look at that "Most Popular Searches" sidebar for. And I don't really explore that subject, or delve any further, I just want to know what the wildcard(s) is/are.
I guess it's just a bit of a twist on that old Sesame game of yore.. "Three of these things belong together, three of these things are kinda the same..." (gawd, how I dig that song/game..)

Today's WTF? popular search is Shaquille O'Neal. I mean, I guess he's been doing a lotta commercials with Ben Stein but still... who cares?

Macaw story still pending...when I've more time to type...

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

This morning, in a sorta roundabout way, I found myself fixated by famous vanishings. Or perhaps I oughtta say-- famous vanished people.

Y'see I had noticed it was famous literary figure Ambrose Bierce's birthday. Then I caught sight of his year of death being followed by a question mark (as in "1914?" to be specific) So I had to read the article on him and from that I learned that he VANISHED. I didn't know that!! Vanishing is just such a cool, romantic way to make your exit I think. Don't get me wrong, I don't wanna be doing that anytime soon (exiting). In fact, I could really go for immortality, I know vampires & the like kinda bitch about it, but I feel sure I'd be utterly fine with it. In lieu of immortality, I'm willing to accept making it to 134 years of age. And then at that point, how nifty would it be for me to vanish?? At 134 years old. You know, there's always some AP write up when the oldest oldster on record dies...well how much more interesting would that article be if that wizened old lady just vanished? One would think centagenarians are not so easy to lose track of. So it would just CONFOUND the masses...

Anyways, one thing I love about wikipedia (or the free dictionary ...same deal, basically) is its handy listings of things. Like they've compiled a list of popular French phrases and also of common Latin phrases (I consult that one quite a lot). Well all this a.m.I was helplessly engrossed in their list of vanished people. I know, I know.. my f-ing JOB is gonna vanish if I don't pull my shit together.

Speaking of jobs, I have a job interview with DHMC HR tomorrow. I really *gotta* fetch me some shuteye. I had an anecdote involving a macaw to share with y'all, but that's going to hafta wait until the next episode...


Sunday, June 21, 2009

other miscellaneous oddments...

Some stuff I forgot to mention...
1.) Father's Day. I bought my Dad Cajun snack mix, a $25. McDonalds gift card, & a Dirt Devil Kone (lame-ass, I know, but that's just the sort of practical crrrrap he likes!) Also we had a Father's Day cookout. I was on hotdog detail (cooked inside on the stove...pretty much included on the menu for the kiddos) and I did an f-ing AWESOME job on the asparagus...on the panini press. I don't care if it makes my pee smell hellah funny...it was super-delish.

2.) Library book sale....there was a decent one at the Windsor Library 11am-3pm yesterday . I hit it up after the parade and I got--
$1 hardcovers--
25 cent paperbacks & kids books--
some educational book about famous buildings & monuments (for the kiddos)
Skinny Legs and all by Tom Robbins (for me-- recently, and I can't recollect where, I had read some maaaad emphatic praise for Another Roadside Attraction and for Robbins in general, and I'd never read anything of his but was put in a mind to)
Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk (for me-- this is another author I feel I oughtta acquaint myself with)
May I Bring a Friend? by Beatrice de Regniers (a cute kid's book for the muffins. Sadie can read the whole thing herself--I'm amazed!! She starts 1st grade in the fall and all of a sudden, she is
reading like a pro. )
The Voyage of the Ludgate Hill (my best kid's book find; this is like a funny epic poem with terrific illustrations by Alice & Martin Provenson)

3.)Tees. I was lured finally by The Cotton Factory ad on facebook and I went to that site to peruse the wares. Me likey! I may have to drop some moolah there at some point. These are the tees I particularly fancied--

too much beer

Yesterday was fun. It's alumni weekend in Windsor, and for the first time in EONS, I hauled my carcass outta bed in time to catch the parade. It was at 10 AM. Yep, that's usually too early for me to make (heeey, it's Saturday! )

I parked just outside of the center of town and walked in, and I was surprised at how many people I ran into on the way downtown. I don't know why, I had just been presuming that it wasn't that big o' deal. (well, ya know *I*hadn't been going the past 5yrs or so...in my
Sandra-centric noggin that woulda had a HUGE negative impact on general attendance)

The parade theme was "Movies" (always a good one. Just wait 'til next year when my class has to build a float...we'll be faced with some dreadful theme like "Kitchen Utensils" or "Major Export Industries of Paraguay") The Cinderella float (Class of '69) was the best one, also "Bonnie & Clyde" ('59) and Ghostbusters ('84) were very good too.

The big talk of the parade though, was my hairdresser taking a spill onto the pavement and having to be put in a neckbrace & backboard and sent off in an ambulance for an MRI. She was not as I jokingly reported to my sister, knocked on her ass because she saw what I did to my hair the night before. I dyed it--red w/ strawberry blonde highlighting. Used
Couleur Experte #6.4 Ginger Twist, to be specific. I like the color a lot (though,now that I've checked out the website, I think #5.5 Cinnamon Stick looks very pretty. However, that was N/A on the shelves of my neighborhood Walgreens. Bah) I really do like the color, but I wasn't all that artful in applying the highlights. It's not too bad though. Looks good pulled back and looks very good in ringlets) Anyways, back to Jill... and her spill (haa!) I was right across the street from the action but didn't see it happen--it caught my attention a nanosecond afterward, just saw that she was suddenly flat on her back on the road, with people rushing to her aid. At first I thought she fell off a motorcycle, and well, she kinda did, but I heard she wasn't even riding it yet, was trying to hop on the back of it. And uhh, yeah, that didn't turn out so well. It was a tense & scary half hour or so, I think the head injury SOP makes it even scarier (how they make you remain absolutely still). But Jill's MRI turned up nothing troublesome and I saw her last night at the country club and she seemed a-okay.

Ah yes, the country club. Ever since I can remember, the Elks Club has been the venue for the annual alumni "dance" (I use the " marks because there is a pretty minimal amount of actual dancing at these soirees. It's more of an alumni social. The primary activity would be milling around & drinking). This year, though the alumni assoc. moved it to the country club. Possibly related to my non-attendance of the past 3yrs, eh? I like to imagine the meeting going a li'l somefin' like : "Ladies, Gentlemen, one of our PREMIER alumnus appears to have lost interest in the annual alumni dance. Whatever can we do to entice Sandra back? It may require a bit of extra fundraising, but I believe we've got to class this bash up.."

Well anyways, it worked . The change of venue intrigued me + some light crowd-polling at the parade indicated there was going to be a large-ish turnout. So, yes, to the "dance" I did go...after a little pre-dance gnosh at the Harpoon Brewery Pub (it was in that parking lot that my car spent the night) The wings there, if I may quickly digress, are just so-so. If you like 'em sloppy and too fecking HOT, that's a good place to order 'em. Anyways, I got a ride from the brewery to the country club (about a mile down the road).

They had a hell of a turnout, really. Saw a lotta classmates I'd not see in forever. I certainly don't intend to be so outta touch with everybody, it's only that I'm a chronic slacker. When I actually do exert a little effort into socializing, I almost always have a great time!! Last night, I was a little excessive, but didn't do anything too embarrassing. I don't think... Naw, I didn't. I got hellah loquacious, and that was about the extent of it. (Didn't piss on my shoes like I did Memorial Day weekend. Hurray ME!!)

One smallish disappointment... there's this guy that graduated a year ahead of me that I had something of a crush on back in h.s. He was in an art class with me and my friend (who also dug him) and Becky (aforementioned friend) and I used to get all sorts of psyched &twitterpated when we got to mix plaster of Paris in the same bucket as him. Because we'd fleetingly bump our goopy hands against his. Very hot...or we thought so then. (our own little rendition of the Ghost pottery scene, right?) Anyways, I'd all but forgotten about this dude (Keith) until I spied his name on Facebook last month (he was a new friend of one of my FB friends) He's got the public-to-all security settings for his wall, so without friending him, I was able to poke around on his page a bit. I looked through his photos and--DAAAAMN! Looking better than I remembered. Looks a bit like
Bradley Cooper I was thinkin' (was thinkin'). He constantly writes these New Agey motivational diatribes on his FB wall and really it's sort of obnoxious, but I'm a benefit-of-the-doubt kinda gal, (or I try to be) so I figure : Ok it's that rotten, cynical streak in me that's annoyed by these nuggets-o-wisdom...at least it shows he has some depth to him?? So anyways, to make a short story loooong, he mentioned on his wall he was coming to town for alumni weekend. I was pretty positive he'd be at the dance (you don't drive in from CT for alumni weekend and then skip the major social component of alumni weekend, y'know?) so that was sort of a motivating factor in my decision to go, I gotta confess. I was looking forward to chatting him up. When I finally got face-to-face with him for a tête-à-tête it was less than stellar. Firstly, was not looking Bradley Cooperish at all. But I am reasonable enough not to hold that against him. Secondly, he was drunker'n 4 tons o' bastards*. It would be hypocritical of me to frown upon his tippling when I , too, had imbibed a goodly amount. Word around the party was, he'd been drinking since noonish. I don't know if that's true or not, but it seems like it very well might take a big time & booze investment to get him drunk, since he is about a head taller than Big Bird (and since I mention that, he was looking gaunt and waaay too tan. I didn't want to dwell on the superficial aspects of the disappointment but, uhh, there you have it) And OK, so maybe I am hypocritical, but I feel he was TOO drunk. A nice, goofy tipsiness would have been perfectly acceptable. But he was like, unable-to-speak drunk. Not merely having trouble with sentence formation, or slurring, or stumbling over words...it was like he lost the capability of forming words. Total TROGLODYTE. I was not psyched, nor was I twitterpated.

But, overall, I had such a good time that that disappointment was barely a blip on the evening's radar. I did a pretty fair job of tarting myself up and was satisfied. (Well, I did have a little assistance--my 4 yr old niece Lucy was in the bathroom helping me primp--handing me hair pins to pin up sections & wielding the hairspray-- and she said "Oh, Auntie, they are going to LOVE your style!!" 'Twas SOO cute!) I took a 1/2" barrel curling iron and did all over ringlets (usually I don't have the patience to execute anything like that)

I fell asleep on my sister's sectional with my contacts in and they painfully fused to my eyeballs, so I got up (with a POUNDING headache) at 6am to extricate 'em. It had been many a year since I'd gone to mass in the same outfit I had on Saturday night. I was sorely tempted to skip, but didn't wanna vex the ol' man on Father's Day. I was kind of anxious about my P.O.S. car I'd abandoned at the pub. But don't you fret-- it was still there when I came for it at 10am..then,a coupla Advil, a coffee, McSkillet burrito, & a nap, and I was restored to norm.

* "drunker'n 4 tons o' bastards"--This is an expression I heard outta my Uncle Bud a couple weeks ago and ever since I've been dying to appropriate it for my own usage. Unfortunately it is not half so funny in prose as it is when you hear my uncle sputter it in his old timer Vermonter accent

Monday, June 15, 2009


We had a 2hour all employee meeting this morning. Below is a scan of my very thorough notes...

I don't know what that flying hand comet dealie is all about. I mean, I know I drew it, but it freaks me out a bit nonetheles...

Friday, June 12, 2009

I'm baaaack.

With not much to say. But if Rumplestiltskin can spin straw into gold, then I can sure as hell spin jack shit into some semblance of a post. Huh? Rumplestiltskin not real? The HECK you say!! No, totally, he's for real. I know a dude who roomed with his bro in college.

Ok, enough fairy tale jibba jabba... what's new with me... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

I'm kinda smitten with Lucky. It's probably my new fave periodical. I mean, I'm a longtime fan of the mag InStyle and Lucky does a similar thing, where it gives you pages & pages of must-own fashion accoutrement along with their purveyors & prices. Except in InStyle there's $500. earrings and $2,000. purses but in Lucky , the merch is generally >$100. So, really, InStyle is a safer buy for me because even if I'm drooling over everything, in all actuality, I have a snowball's chance in hell of buying any of it. With Lucky, there's some real temptation. But you can't NOT love it (if you're into that sort of thing) because they also have free give away opportunities in every issue & Lucky reader discounts of 35% or more in a lot of shopping websites. Siiiigh!!

The above gushing was utterly sincere. I am not being paid to praise or promote Lucky magazine. Though, I could sure as hell use a li'l supplemental somethin' $omethin' Conde Nast Publications, if you're reading this... . .

Back in February, I gave a shout out of sorts to a neon yellow Carlton Banks tee shirt. At the time of that post, I was saying how I came damn close to buying it but my wee reserves of self restraint kicked in and I did not. Well, probably I didn't update you, but I did, eventually, break down and buy that tee. Ok, that "eventually" is a smidge misleading, as I bought it about a week and a half after boasting that I resisted it. What can I say? I do so adore that 'Fonso Ribiero. Anyways, last weekend, I debuted the tee shirt, matching it nicely (I thought) with black short shorts, black flip flops& some very 80s throwback Ray Bans. The odd thing was...I don't know why it was... I felt like I was wearing a picture of Barack Obama. I mean, logically, I knew I never bought and do not own a Barack Obama tee shirt, but I dunno...a large, monochromatic head shot screen print of a black man...just felt like it must be 'Bama. Odd...

My parents are remodelling the kitchen. They knocked out the wall between the kitchen &dining room and put in an island (islands in the stream...that is what we are..) (sorry) and it looks pretty rad. Also they are going to replace the countertops and somehow redo the cabinets. I imagine it just kills my Dad to be shilling out all this $$ for purely cosmetic reasons,when nothing was actually damaged & necessitating replacement. But he initiated all of it...which tells me he is tremendously bored with life...

I can totally relate to that. But the onset of summer has me fairly stoked...I think summer has supplanted fall as my favorite season, actually. Every year it feels ...well, to be hokey about it, it just feels full of promise. So I'm tell myself to make good on that promise, eschew sluggishness and wang chung as much as I can and hopefully get some vaca in there too.

Friday, June 05, 2009

chess, squirrels, blah blah blaaah..

I know I vowed never to do this, but then I got an anonymous greenlight that it was okay to do it, so I'm renegging on my vow. Sorry.

So here's some email banter (looking over it, it's no f****ing shocker that I didn't amount to much at work today!!)

As before, Paul is Times (and repeats back bits of email), I am Courier & editorial comments in italic Arial---

Hammond , Hamel…whatev… I must have some other Hammond swimming around my brain (oh yes one of our HO patients for whom I’m trying to acquire a weird nephrostomy tubing dealie ) and it was too many Ham names for me to keep straight. Obviously. {My first email had been about some Hammond dude and wondering if he was any relation to this chick in our office and Paul had sent me a bewildered reminder that said chick's last name is actually Hamel. Which I TOTALLY knew}
I have seen a quintessential lemonade stand and actually my niece had one in Windsor a few years back during the town’s Heritage Days festival (which I think they’ve opted to discontinue…I always just suggested they try and make it less LAME, but apparently organizers weren’t up to that challenge) I bet you were so revved up for your impending PP meal, that you whizzed on past poor lemonade stand moppet. You know it’s because of people like you that you don’t see these real lemonade stands around anymore!! { Also he mentioned being charmed by seeing a classic li'l kid lemonade stand on his way out to Peyton Place recently. Peyton Place is this eatery that seems to be out in the sticks somewhere. Paul has RAVED profusely about it on more than one occasion. I'd really like to give it a go one of these days, but sadly it looks to be out of my piddly price range}

>Hammond , Hamel…whatev…
Potato, Potahto…
I must have some other Hammond swimming around my brain (oh yes one of our HO patients for whom I’m trying to acquire a weird nephrostomy tubing dealie )
Weird nephrostomy tubing? I shudder to think what would distinguish that from normal nephrostomy tubing…
>and it was too many Ham names for me to keep straight. Obviously.
Yeah- too much ham around here…we should switch to other pork products.
>I have seen a quintessential lemonade stand and actually my niece had one in Windsor a few years back
That’s pretty nifty…
> You know it’s because of people like you that you don’t see these real lemonade stands around anymore!!

Well, yes, I suppose that I have contributed in my own way to the downfall of the lemonade-stand economy…shame on me.
In other news, in order to correspond with this person from Chittenden VNA, I had to sign up for this:
http://www.zixcorp.com/info/zixmail/ {Tech geek goodness...I did not/do not give a shit}

So, you did hear that the wreckage that they found from that missing plane turned out to not be from the plane at all, yes?
How exactly does one lose an entire airplane in this day and age?
Maybe it’s keeping the B-17 on the moon company?


No, I did not read about that. Didn’t they dredge those plane bits out of the ocean?? Well, I can’t imagine it’s terribly easy to find a plane in the ocean (‘tis reputed to be a fairly LARGE body of water) and certainly the missing plane du jour could still be in that same big ocean , cohabitating with other plane bits…would not surprise me.
But really, I haven’t been following the plane story (been too morbidly engaged by the Carradine imbroglio I guess. That just got significantly ODDER today, actually..) and haven’t read much more than just the headlines.


>No, I did not read about that. Didn’t they dredge those plane bits out of the ocean?? Well, I can’t imagine it’s terribly >easy to find a plane in the ocean (‘tis reputed to be a fairly LARGE body of water) and certainly the missing plane du jour >could still be in that same big ocean , cohabitating with other plane bits…would not surprise me.
True, but what with the whole sonar thing, it shouldn’t prove *that* difficult to find at least some bits.
But, no, none of those bits they pulled out turned out to have belonged to the plane in question. It’s still entirely missing.
>But really, I haven’t been following the plane story
Neither have I- I just happened to hear it on NHPR this morning.
>(been too morbidly engaged by the Carradine imbroglio I guess. That just got significantly ODDER today, actually..)
odder in what way? I seem to have missed that bit.


The 411 in a nutshell – two ropes, one black, one yellow, one not around his neck . Read all about it {the CNN story I linked to at that time is no longer there. HERE is their update}
It would seem the Murray Head song was right…when in Bangkok, it’s best to just focus on your chess game (other forms of recreation can have unfortunate outcomes) {Just in case you don't know what song I mean..check it out : lyrics here & vid below..}


>The 411 in a nutshell – two ropes, one black, one yellow, one not around his neck . Read all about it
Hmmm…well, given that bit of evidence, there’s a third option besides suicide and murder.{one might delicately call it "misadventure"}
>It would seem the Murray Head
song was right…when in Bangkok, it’s best to just focus on your chess game (other >forms of recreation can have unfortunate outcomes)
Last New Year’s Eve Kelly and her friend Danielle from Revels were alternating paragraphs from the spoken parts of that song back and forth to each other while it was playing on the sound system. I was stunned that they both had it all committed to memory.


“The crème de la crème of the chess world in a show with everything but Yul Brynner..”
Some great lines in that song. I couldn’t recite the whole thing from memory, but I’d bet if it was playing I could sing right along. {after hunting down the lyrics & reading 'em thru, I think I was overstating my prowess here. I only know the Murray parts ...don't have the "chorus" lines memorized at all}
Particularly I like—“I’d let you watch, I would invite you. But the queens we use would not excite you”
Interesting to note that the song was written by Tim Rice (that part is UNsurprising, I knew it had its origins in some minor musical) and Bjorn Ulvaeus & Benny Andersson (the male contigent of ABBA.) The last 2/3 of that trio being the surprise (to me) But on second thought, I shouldn’t be surprised—ABBA is magnificent
{ Now, the other fact I picked up when reading about "One Night in Bangkok" -- Murray Head is older brother to Anthony Head, one is inclined to suffix that name with "of Buffy fame" (Anthony played Giles on that show), but *I* would rather credit him with being in those terrif Taster's Choice commercials--

You know, they went quite a bit further with that storyline over in the UK than they did here. Here in the States they just abruptly discontinued the ads with no denoument whatsoever...I was *so* miffed!!}

>Some great lines in that song. I couldn’t recite the whole thing from memory, but I’d bet if it was playing I could sing right >along.
I might be able to if it was playing, but would prolly miss a line or two.
>Particularly I like—“I’d let you watch, I would invite you. But the queens we use would not excite you”
That’s a goodie.
Any more, that song reminds me of Tom Robbins’s “Villa Incognito”, which has a few amusing scenes on the streets of downtown Bangkok (including a very amusing chase scene). I suspect that Mr. Robbins had the song in mind while writing those parts.
>Interesting to note that the song was written by Tim Rice (that part is UNsurprising, I knew it had its origins in some minor >musical)
Yep- I do remember that.
>and Bjorn Ulvaeus & Benny Andersson (the male contigent of ABBA.) The last 2/3 of that trio being the .surprise (to >me) But on second thought, I shouldn’t be surprised—ABBA is magnificent.
I’d debate that last sentence. {doesn't like ABBA..the wanker}For the first part, taking the music in to account, not a huge surprise, perhaps.
So, yeah, I’ve begun to suspect that Mr. Carradine may have been perhaps indulging in a form of entertainment that was written by the likes of William Burroughs and was depicted (with similar results) in the opening scene of the movie “The Ruling Class”.


{I'm totally veering into new subject matter here...}
A patient of ours is getting a 2 oz catheter tip syringe but her nurse that called into the supply line said they wanted something a bit bigger—3 or 4 oz. I was having trouble finding anything on the McKesson site, but we know how craptacular their search function is…
So I was doing a web search for “3 oz catheter tip syringe” and one of the results I got was from the website:
www.squirrelsandmore.com I just *had* to pop in there for a visit and once there I discovered they tout themselves: “Your One Stop Shop for all Your Rehab Needs”

Huh. Squirrel Rehab. Wow. Although, now that I think about it, the squirrels in my neighborhood do seem to have a problem. It’s not merely that they drink, but they steal it out of my liquor cabinet and then lie about it.

I have no response to that.
BTW, what was that site you mentioned with the user reviews of catheters
? {Seriously, it's appalling, the percentage of my work week that's devoted to catheters. I don't know why I mentioned user reviews of catheters...it seemed to me a funny thing to review, I suppose. In other urological goods news, I don't think the urine collection hat should be called a hat. Why the hell isn't it called like, a basin? That's just misleading...in a bad way. Trust me, it's really not a very stylish wardrobe accent}
> Huh. Squirrel Rehab. Wow. Although, now that I think about it, the squirrels in my neighborhood do seem to have a >problem. It’s not merely that they drink, but they steal it out of my liquor cabinet and then lie about it.
They’re evil little buggers, they are. I bet they’re out there right now, brewing fermented nut milk.
Squirrel trivia for you: DC is infested with black squirrels. They’re not native to the area, tho. The black squirrel population all descend of zoo escapees. Apparently they breed true when they mix with the more common grey squirrels.

{And then, apropos of nothin' he sends me--}

In other news, although I generally don’t conform to “typical guy” behaviour, I’ll have to say I find it kind of fun having to explain to Pam which of the group that I think of as “The Three Women In My Life” are which and what their status is re: me. {I don't even know what the feck he's on about here, and I don't believe I wanna know. It may be some kinda prompt for me to delve into his wackadoo polyamorous private life but I was NOT going to go there!!}

{and so I responded with--}

I can’t process that. I’m still reeling over your racist squirrel trivia.

>I can’t process that. I’m still reeling over your racist squirrel trivia.
“Racist Squirrel Trivia”. That should be a band name or performance art troupe or something…
I’ve occasionally entertained the thought of grabbing a few of the little buggers and letting them loose up here, so we can have grey, black and red squirrels scurrying about.


Hooray for squirrel diversity!!
Squirrel Diversity: Also a good name for somethin’. And a very noble impulse on your part. I commend thee, and take back everything I implied about your squirrel racism.


Hooray for squirrel diversity!!
I ask you, what could be better than a veritable rainbow of rodentia?
>Squirrel Diversity: Also a good name for somethin’. And a very noble impulse on your part. I commend thee, and take >back everything I implied about your squirrel racism.
Why, thank you. :)

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Deterge yo' ass, fool!!

Hmm.. I did not know this was an actual word... (sounds like slang abbreviation or something)

Me likey.



In digging about in the this-day-in-history files, I discovered that June 4th is a day for protest. And I ain’t talkin’ repurposing a cardboard box into a picket sign and loitering on the median strip. I mean EXTREME protest.

A mini timeline for your edification:

June 4, 1913—British suffragette Emily Davison throws herself in front of the king’s horse in the Epsom Derby with the presumed intent of raising awareness for the suffragette movement (she was carrying a banner for the WSPU* when she did the deed). She died the next day of her injuries.
June 4, 1989—the violent end to the Tiananmen Square protests in China

June 4, 2004—Marvin Heemeyer lays siege to much of downtown Granby, CO in a “Killdozer” of his own design. This was in response to a zoning dispute that obviously did NOT pan out in his favor. I felt the gesture kinda held some great comic potential until Heemeyer had to go and cap it off with his suicide.

So Paul and I were emailing back and forth about this--how June 4 has historically worked out to be “Protest Day” . And then in the midst of that discussion, I overhear tell of more nitpicky corporate crackdowns. We have this open plan office where what few cubicle walls we have are low. Makes for an airier atmosphere but privacy is utterly nonexistent. So I overhear Sheila (whom I have groused about before in this forum) laying down the law to poor Pat…well, here is how I rehashed the sitch to Paul (who missed the tete a tete)—

Sheila just came up to her with an Avon book (Pat’s name is stamped on the back of it) and schooled her on the agency policy of NO SOLICITATION. And told her she can peddle her wares in the parking lot but not in the office. Then she launched into some ridiculous jibbajabba about how selling Avon is tantamount to soliciting for the union. Or something goofy like that. She brought unionization into it anyhow.

I couldn’t resist—I sent Pat an email that said: “Not to be the devil’s advocate, but something about the smell of Skin-so-Soft does make me want to unionize” Trouble there is that Pat –even realizing I’m generally a cheeky chit—will probably take that 100% seriously.

At least when I got reprimanded about my wrinkly pants, Cathy had the good sense to pull me into her office (not that word didn’t get around in 10 sec flat anyways) I think it’s kind of shabby of S to reprimand Pat right out here in the open (it was a gentle reprimand…and it doesn’t sound like she’s getting a black mark on her permanent record or anything, but nonetheless people are *sensitive* about that sort of thing!!)

Y’know I AM rather annoyed by the VNA’s unreasonable crackdown on petty offenses. Perhaps I will throw myself in front of the North Country Courier station wagon as a means of protest. (They cruise in here pretty slowly…I don’t think it would be fatal)

And later on, Paul said something about conversing with a records manager from some other Vermont VNA and I accused him of stirring up union activity. I added that today would be the day to go all Norma Rae on our asses but please keep in mind that these chairs have casters on them as I do not want his broken neck on my conscience!!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

missives from THA MAN

The following is copied & pasted from an actual email sent out agency wide by the schmeghead who runs our HR Dept.

Hello All,

It has come to my attention that there was a 1-page print out on the printer in the Lebanon mailroom. This print out was probably intended to be a joke, but regardless was totally not appropriate at all. It is not the best use of IS equipment/resources, it is consider harassment, and violation of VNA policies.

Certainly if you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to call or stop into my office.

Thanks for your time,

Mike Pukepuddle*, M.S., PHR
Director of Human Resources
Visiting Nurse Association and Hospice of VT and NH

*last name changed to protect the author....even if he is a @#$%^ing @#$%^

As it so happens, I did have questions & concerns. Just a few. Obviously my biggest most burning question is " WHAT WAS THE JOKE? WAS IT *VERY* LEWD?? OH, TELL ME, TELL ME!!" I think it's wicked to hint at a joke--one that was significant enough to prompt a royal HR decree--and then leave everyone hangin' vis a vis the actual particulars of the joke. It's like teasing us.

And here is my concern--this is the dude that has veto power over my pending raise. How is it fair that such a thing be in the hands of a dumb schmendrick that can't even manage basic 2nd grade grammar ("it is consider harrassment")? The entire email is a paragraph and a 1/4-- it would have taken all of a nanosecond to thoroughly proofread it. Ugh!! Idiot!!

Monday, June 01, 2009

Last week I came across this old CD of mine"Television's Greatest Hits; Volume 6" And I'm like -Ehh, what the shit? I'll load it onto my iPod.

So, then this past Saturday I was at a loss for what to do and I decided to just drive into town and take a walk around the block while I wait for an idea to percolate in my noggin. And then at least, if I fail to get inspired, I'll at least get some exercise. Now mind you, this was following a full day of loafing around... half way through the mile I'm really feeling it in my calves (probably was inadvisable to wear flip-flops) And I'm dragging my arse up this monster hill and it really woulda been an ideal moment for the Gods-of-Shuffle to send me a motivational message via something like "Eye of the Tiger" or Snap!'s "The Power" (hmm..preferably the former) but what should start playing on my iPod instead? THE THEME MUSIC TO THE BENNY HILL SHOW (aka "Yakety Sax") It #$%^ing CRACKED ME UP!! I suddenly envision myself zipping to the top of the hill all kooky fast-motion style (I didn't). It's a hell of a song though. I listened to it 3 or 4 times in a row. It makes you smile. Notice, I didn't just say "It makes ME smile" Ohh NO, it's a universal factual truth. If you are a genuine, properly-wired, human, Yakety Sax will make you smile. That's why they use it in Replicant testing. That was totally going to be in Blade Runner but Ridley Scott couldn't afford the rights so they subbed in some shit about tortoises baking in the desert sun. Puh! WEAK.
Another side-effect of that song...it makes me want to shake my tushie..or wiggle my fanny. It does NOT however, make me wanna SHAKE MAH ASS. Oh no..that anatomical motion is *exclusively* rap induced.

Oh speaking of ass shakers, I find it interesting that a lot of songs (on my iPod and in pop music in general) will fake me out with their opening chords/notes etc.. (example: the very start of Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus" sounds like the start of some Shakira song. Also, when "Radar Love" comes on the radio, 8 times outta 10, I get a little stoked, because I'll think it's the beginning of Midnight Oil's "Beds are Burning" and that--though that may only happen to me--is particularly disappointing since I so dig "Beds.." and I loathe "Radar Love") Anywhooo , was trying to point out before succumbing to that monster parenthetical aside, that the starts of songs will frequently trick me into thinking they are the starts of other songs, but I only need to hear TWO very simple bass notes and I know without a doubt that we's about to launch into 2Live Crew's "Me So Horny". Damned if I know why, but those are the most distinctive bass notes in all of 20th century popular music.

Tonight on my ride home, the Family Feud theme music came on. It's no "Yakety Sax", but it also made me chortle. Dunno who Mark Goodson & Co. commissioned to compose that one, but I feel they got their $$ worth. As much as I love the whole Family Feud premise, I just can't get into the episodes without Dawson. What can I say about Richard Dawson? Dude is cooler than the other side of the pillow! I wonder, on the new Feud...do they still start out with the contending families posing in this frozen tableau like a live family portrait? I SOOO loved that. "PREEESENTING..THE GOOGLYMOOGLY FAMILY: DONNA, CHIP, GUILLERMO, HANSEL, AND SCHLOMO: READY FOR ACTION!!"