Thursday, November 29, 2007

Assorted Leftover Oddments. . .

Today is my oldest niece's 10th birthday!! I was trolling the Nov 29 celeb b-days du jour with particular interest today so that I might have an interesting birthday factoid to bestow on Chloe when I made my afterschool "Happy Birthday" call. Like, when she answered I could holler into the phone "HAPPY FLIPPIN' BIRTHDAY, GIRL!! YOU SHARE A BIRTHDAY WITH LEGENDARY GAME SHOW HOST WINK MARTINDALE!" (that's not true, by the way) And while I found a few names of interest, I couldn't find any celeb that would especially delight Chloe. No Miley Cyrus, or Jonas brother or similar 'tween Disney minion.

Louisa May Alcott was born on Nov 29,1832 and this I took to be a sign that - YES, I should buy Chloe a copy of Little Women for her birthday. I had been kinda wanting to buy her that, but had been reluctant to. I think it's a really good read (incidentally, I really enjoy the 1994 movie version even though I'm generally not much of a Winona Ryder fan) but I worried it might be a bit too much for a 10 year old. It's not so much that the writing is difficult to understand--I don't believe it would be for a smartie like Chlo. But it's just SUPER long. But the shared birthday thing is a sign that she for sure needs to own that book. She doesn't have to read it now. She could read it bit by bit...chip away at it...finish up around the spring of 2015 or thereabouts.

My bangs are catastrophically fucked up today. I had done them very nicely this morning actually. I'd curled them around a velcro roller & hair sprayed it, took said roller out several minutes later after I finished brushing my teeth. And it looked just lovely. But then, as I headed out the door, I jammed my woolly cap on my head. Coiffure calamity then ensued...
If only someone had told me ahead of time that it wasn't very cold out!!! Oy vey..

My pal Kara has me a smidge stoked for this Tin Man miniseries playing this weekend. Good luck with that link... she linked to the same page in her blog a few days back but I just arrive at a big pic of the cast and a message telling me that my version of Adobe Flash is inadequate crap-ola (well, not in those words, exactly). Still, I've seen enough to suspect that this miniseries is "right up my alley". Uhh, even though I'm pretty much clueless on the plot/premise here. Whatever. I like that Zooey Deschanel. And, not to be catty, but she really whupped her sister's ass in the battle for the hi-qual genes. (This chick is , somehow, her sister. She bears a stronger resemblance to Skeletor. Shit. So much for my NOT being catty. Meee-OW)
Even more up my alley (I LOATHE that cliche, by the way... I'm just SO friggin' stumped re: an alternative phrase) is this upcoming PBS event. And yet the PBS folks are vexing me here....could they be any vaguer than : "Coming in 2008" ?? WTF PBS?? Grrrrr!!!

And the chatting continued. . .

I should clarify a few points in this banter excerpt... firstly and foremostly the cat butt thing..

Early on in this installment, Robin makes inquiries regarding the temperature of a cat's butt. This, taken out of context, may make her appear to be some kind of hogger fetishist, and (contrary to what I assert later in the chat) she is NOT. The reason she says that is because I was chuckling over the notion of a cat named Keith. Keith is also the name of our resident IT guru, who one day sat in my chair as he worked on my PC and, it was this quick fix that took, like, 2 minutes and when I got back in my seat it was abnormally WARM. Like hunter's handwarmers warm. Shortly thereafter, via IM w/ Robin, I dubbed him Electric Blanket Pants (or EBP for short). Anyways we suspect this guy has an exceptionally exothermic ass. Hence her comment...

Then there's this bit where I go on a binge of writing C'MOOOOON in all caps. That's one of our idiotic inside jokes too. Whenever I am trying to persuade someone of something, but am not feeling up to exerting the wit or logic to persuade properly, I just start saying "Come ON" over and over, with different stresses and varying versions of my hack Tony Micelli-meets-Tony-Soprano voice. I'm all "Come aaaaahn! COME! ON!!! How 'bout now, am I right?" "COOOOME AAAAAHN. Aye! Oh! COME ON!" And the whole ritual amuses me to no end. Amuses me more than anyone else involved (this is how much of my humor works, actually)

All that "skidoo" related crap at the end there is because uncommon goods has these vintage slang flashcards that I am coveting real bad. And Heather was like "Vintage Slang? Whaddya mean?" And I was like "You know... slang terms like 'the bee's knees" or "22 Skidoo" or uhhh, '23 Skidoo'. Aww crap I can't remember..what's the expression? How many skidoos is it??" and Robin answered "22!" But soon after, Lisa very authoritatively put in "23!" And as she sounded so knowledgeable about it, and has nearly a decade on Robin, we took 23 to be the definitive answer.

Dwarves, Psychic Giants, Shopping for Neuvo-Antiquities, etc etc..

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I've Seen the Future....I Can't Afford it

I was shopping in Kmart last night (have actually been in Kmart a lot in the past few days. . .hmm..) I was trying to find boxed Christmas cards, as I've had luck with the big K boxed card selection in previous years...uhhhh..NOT this year , though!!

Now, I concede that I am highly finicky about what greeting cards I buy. Not just for Christmas, but for all occasions. I know the whole greeting card racket is a giant rip off, but nonetheless I always become wholeheartedly invested in giving the absolute best card. It either has to be genuinely funny (trite, half assed funny cards need not apply) or visually stunning in some way. Much to my dismay,I have very little artistic talent, but I do have a good eye for good art. Impeccable taste, really. ( I know that's pretty cocky of me to say so, but I did rather berate myself on that Baconator decision from yesterday, so I think this evens things out nicely) I do buy cards of the sentimental & heartfelt variety from time to time but it's important that they are SUCCINCT. Cards that go on and on with paragraph after schmaltzy rhyming paragraph are a no-no for me. I mean, when I get those cards, I just glance at the texty innards and wince "Oy..too many words. Pass!"

Anyways even with such lofty standards, I really have found some good cards at Kmart. I've gotten some decent Trim-a-Home cards and some really good ones in the Martha Stewart line. Well Ms Martha didn't bother to put out any Christmas cards for Kmart this year! How do you like them pomegranites?? Maaaaahtha, Maaaahtha , Maaahtha....YOU'VE RUINED CHRISTMAS YOU PRETENTIOUS COW!! And now because there's not Martha Stewart cards, the Trim-a-Home brand, being the only game in town (the only game in Kmart-town anyhow) has dropped their standards exponentially. NOW what will I do for Christmas cards , huh? HUH?? And Martha's selection of Christmas wrapping paper was also substandard. There was a whole lot of it done with a PURPLE color palette. Yeah, FINE , I like purple but it doesn't exactly scream "Christmastime" in my opinion. It screams "Prince" and ya know, Martha, I don't celebrate his fucking birthday every year, so I guess I'll be buying my giftwrap elsewhere. Grrr!

And surely, it is no coincidence that, at the same time she's slacking off on her Martha Everyday line for the K, Martha is all over the TV in Macy's ads with her new BFF Usher. So what I'm thinking is this: now that Martha's post-prison comeback is a solidified, historical fact, she can shift her focus away from the upper lower class and lower middle class ilk--whom she SECRETLY HATES-- and endear herself to the upscale bourgeois. That's COLD, M. Even for a bitch like you!!
OK, well I have no factual basis for that theory, but it sure felt true when I was rummaging through row after row of abysmally unacceptable boxed cards last night.

I think I might buy boxed cards during my next trek to Target. Also have been toying with the notion of ordering 'em online here.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Heroes rant..

I missed Parkman this week. Where the hell was he anyway? Too busy with work? He was not watching Molly, that's for sure. Who was watching Molly for that matter?? I mean, maybe they hired a sitter, but that seems a pretty piss poor security measure, considering their situation. These guys just do not have their " arrangement" well organized..not like, say, the chaps from My Two Dads. Now those dudes have their shit together!! But , y'know, I LIKE Parkman...I choose to blame Mohinder. Speaking of that jackass...
I wish Mohinder was a bona fide hero (and not just a hero groupie) so that he could be one of the two fallen heroes hinted at in previews for next week( 2 HEROES WILL FALL...) . He pisses me off. I realize that last season, I kvetched about him being a jelly-spined wuss, and I enjoyed it when he took on Sylar (albeit disastrously). But to SHOOT HRG? You stupid, double crossing bastard! And what was even worse was how he was totally jerky to HRG afterward. Just because he fixed him up, good as new (maybe better than new?? Hmm?) this does *NOT* negate the fact that he SHOT the guy! And how can he have no remorse about that?? Misguided or not, HRG was his friend. Or ok, maybe not friend but more or less his ally. And he should NOT be so unapologetic about shooting an ally!! I’m not so crazy about Mohinder, but I at least thought he was “on the up and up”, morally speaking.

Also I thought it commendably restrained of HRG not to hulk out and snap Mohinder’s li’l chicken neck.

But it’s unlikely that they’re planning to off Mohinder…if I recall correctly, it was implied that it was a hero that would “fall”. Plus they need to have a resident geneticist (at least one) in the mix. Ideally, Nikki and Maya would be axed. Nikki is just. . .just..utterly USELESS. And her niece in law was just kidnapped while trying to retrieve Nikki’s late hubby’s medal. So I suppose it’s conceivable that Nikki might intervene and get popped by the Crips for her trouble. I SO would not object to that…but it probably won’t happen. Or maybe Monica is the one who’ll get offed by the gang …which would be too bad. The girl’s just starting out…I think they should give her a little while longer to try and reduce her lameness. I was a little peeved with her, letting herself get kidnapped like that. She’s got this whole iPod full of handy tricks, and there’s nothing therein that relates to being kidnapped by gun-wielding gang members?? Come on! That’s pretty basic!
You’ll hate me for saying this, but I wouldn’t mind if they got rid of that Micah kid. I know, I know….he’s just a precocious little moppet who wants to be with his mommy. But, really…nobody watches this show to follow his dopey little storyline. Am I right?

Maya would be a good pick for elimination. And that’s somewhat likely considering the company she’s keeping. I don’t mind her being on the show as the means by which Sylar “gets his groove back” but beyond that I’ve not much use for her. She’s monumentally stupid and just plain annoying.

I don’t think I’d mind too terribly if they got rid of Adam. Initially I liked him (as I was quite in favor of adding a bit of British spice to the show) and I didn’t mind him when he was resolved to destroy Hiro’s life (it’s not that I dislike Hiro but…well, I do understand where the guy was coming from. He had a broken heart!!) But now he’s manipulating Peter. No good. I can’t have that.

I do think they’re going to get rid of Elle …only because I don’t think KB signed on for too many episodes. That’s really a pisser. I might be in the minority, but I like Elle. Well, maybe I’m not in the minority on that, but my sister would have me believing so. She thinks I’m nuts to root for a baddie. But is she so bad? Really ?? I mean, HRG is not only a fave of mine , I’m pretty sure he’s a fan favorite. And his background is peppered with kills and kidnappings and assorted shady behavior. And is he bad? Oh, well, I’m not quite clear on that but I definitely love me some HRG. And so what if Elle is bad? She’s definitely got grounds (ie: her whackjob upbringing) to be a little bad.
Incidentally , it amused me how she pet and fussed over sweet Pete like he was her pet bunny. I would be tempted to do that too, were I lucky enough to have a captive Peter Petrelli of my own.
Last week, when HRG had Elle captive and was enlightening her on her childhood (how dear ol’ Dad permitted her to be a lab rat) I could almost see the seeds of mutiny being sewn. And then in this past episode, Bob/Dad was a TOTAL douchebag to her, so that probably helped said seeds sprout a little. So, at least if they’re going to off Elle, there’s a chance that she might go out whilest performing a grand act of rebellion. That’s good…if she **must** go…

items found & redeposited

Today, at lunch time, I perpertrated a HUMUNGOUS nutritional sin and ordered Wendy's Baconator. Don't give me that look. . .I'm just as disgusted with myself as you are. Your scorn will have absolutely NO impact on the situation.

Anyways, I happen to be outfitted in this sweater with what I believe is called a "shawl collar" (quite similar to the sweater pictured @ right)

Two seemingly unrelated facts, yes, but I WILL show relevance if permitted to continue, your honor....

During a late afternoon potty trip, I was sitting there, in stall, when I spied a bit of bacon in the criss-cross crevice of my shawl collar. The "Baconator"-- as you may have surmised-- packs some beaucoup bacon therein.. . apparently exceeding my mouth's bacon capacity...and that's downright ASTOUNDING, as my mouth's bacon capacity is rather large...bordering on gogmagogical. Anyways, had I found a piece of bacon in my sweater while sitting at my desk (struggling for consciousness/watching the clock ) I would have gobbled it up. But the thought of eating anything (even delectable BACON) whilest in the bathroom sickens me. And yet I had to be proactive about the situation...I mean how long had this bacon bit been rotting in the folds of my sweater already? So, you see, leaving it be was not an option...

So I tossed it in the pad/tampon disposal box hanging by my right knee. Gross, right? I then had this internal monologue (paraphrased, of's not like I bring a steno pad into the ladies room to collect any sudden profundities) --

What a weird thing to find in the sanitary napkin mini-dumpster...

Ahh, well... I don't suppose the janitor actually looks in there.


Lots of nutty fetishists out's certainly plausible that some of them are janitors

So I am rewarding his freakydeaky behavior by planting an out-of-the-ordinary find??

If he WERE that sort of weirdo...and that remains to be proven....

This is GRODY why am I still pondering this????!!!???

Ok, now I have another find . . .from yesterday... .I defied chronological order just because this one is kind of cute and I thought it might cleanse some of the ick out of your mind from that whole bathroom bacon episode...

Picture it...Sicily...1932... up. Momentarily possessed by the spirit of Sophia Petrillo there. Take 2...

Picture it... November 26 2007 (approximately 1:30pm) I am passing a shrubbery-laden median in the TJ Maxx parking lot. In a patch of juniper* I spy a large matchbook. Printed on the matchbook in gold: "Kimberly & Edward / July ___th 2007/ Lucky in Love" So I don't remember the precise date of Kim & Eddie's nuptials, but I am positive it was a double-digit day of the month, and that it was suffixed with "th" and not "st" "nd" or "rd". So some schmendrick attended this wedding between the 10th and the 20th OR between the 24th and the 30th, and they coveted the gratis matches enough to pocket 'em, but did not value them enough to not lose them in the TJ Maxx parking lot. Oh, and the matchbook had little crossed horseshoes etched on 'em...above the writing...forgot that detail.

These soggy matches, which were of no use to me (because they weren't just dew-soggy matches, if they'd been there since this summer, they'd been snowed on at least I'd bet even if you dried 'em out thoroughly they'd not work) I found to be too interesting a find to just leave sitting in a shrubbery. Y'know any find that is so evocative of the possible backstory is an interesting find. Don'tcha think? Anyways, I snatched it up and, without a word, slipped the matchbook into my sister's purse while she was distracted (changing my niece's shitty diaper).

I suppose it's not piss-your-pants caliber funny, but amuses me quite a lot to think of Laura sorting through the contents of her purse and puzzling over this one.. "Kimberly and Edward? Who the @#$% are Kimberly and Edward???"

*It may not have been a juniper, this shrub. I really don't know, to be honest. I was trying to be descriptive, OK?

C'mon feel the noize

I was hardly prez of the Kevin DuBrow Fan Club (not even VP) but I was rather saddened to read of his recent demise.

I really love "Bang your Head(Metal Health)" & "Cum on Feel the Noize" (such an audacious pun, no?). I remember, when I was a young pup, my sister had the Metal Health tape and the cover used to scare the Garanimals off me!! (see creepy pic below)


Ok, well I'm kidding...half-kidding. That cover really did freak me out as a young 'un. But my mum NEVER dressed me in Garanimals.

And like most things that scared me as a tot (the Thriller video, Don Music) I find this to be pretty awesome now.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

random Count von Count pic...I'll explain in a moment ( AH AH AHHH)

Hmmm.. . just what is he doing in the lower righthand corner there???
You so crazy, Count!


Sorry in advance for the lame-ass post I'm about to perpetrate, kids...

Here's a bunch of stops of interest in my own (FORBIDDEN) 'net meanderings...

This was my fave news item of the day. I can't imagine that's it's all that awesome being Caroline Kennedy, (what with all the dead family members) but learning this has to make it much, much better. I know I would be over the f-ing moon.

Some new trailers at Worst Previews that charmed me--

Made of Honor -- Romantic comedy w/ Patrick Dempsey & Michelle Monaghan. Well, it seems to be the usual formulaic pablum, but I'm generally game for a rom-com, provided the leads are likeable enough. Michelle Monaghan may have a wee residual bit of Tom Cruise taint on her (from MI 3) but she was fairly rad in the tremendously rad flick Kiss Kiss Bang Bang so I'm willing to overlook any of that aforesaid taint. I'm a Grey's Anatomy fan and everytime I see P-Demp outside the show, I think of what a swell fellah he is, how damned likeable and I marvel at how refreshing it is to see him doing something other than mooning over a character played by Squinty Pompeo (PARENTHETICAL COMMENTARY:she doesn't deserve him!! She is too damn angsty and it drags him down!) . It's SO refreshing. I breathe an actual sigh of refreshment. I am going to see Enchanted next Friday, by the way. last thing that cannot be left unsaid...that movie has fucking DWAYNE WAYNE in it. Dwayne Wayne is the cat's jammies (with or without the flip-up specs....well, more so with the specs, of course)

I am a sucker for a historical drama, and this looks like a damned sexy one. I'm no history scholar, but I'm pretty certain that Henry XVIII was not half so fine. Most artists' renderings have him looking like the Tudor dynasty's answer to Jabba the Hut. Eric Bana? MUCH easier on the eyes , thank you. I will probably aim to catch this one in the theater.

Strange Wilderness-- looks like a pretty doofy comedy. But I do want to see it.

There's ,like, this giant 5 min block of the preview where they're doing a stupid laugh over footage of a great white shark....if that's not actually in the movie I'm going to be pissed because that's 90% of why I wanna see this. It *&^%$ing cracked me up.

Well, also I love Steve Zahn, so that's a good reason to see it too. But, seriously, the laughing shark better be in there.

And finally I have a cover gallery for Sesame Street magazine. It's just an important resource to have at your disposal, and so I thought I would share it with y'all. I was perusing it the other day because I wanted to give my PC a nice Thanksgiving-themed makeover (I never found anything, btw) and I thought one of SS mag's November issues might be cute. No dice... out of 37 YEARS of covers there was only one that was at all Thanksgivingy ...but that one was from Nov 1991 and that was after the magazine's cover art had begun to suck. Well, to be totally accurate, it began to suck in Dec 1986 and got progressively suckier as we go through the 90s (with the notable exceptions of the July/Aug 1988 issue & Sept 1988 issue).

Oh, yeah, that's where I got that random "COME ALIVE WITH FIVE" image. That was my favorite November cover (but not all that Thanksgivingish, eh??)

Monday, November 19, 2007

Gogmagogical Time Off

The boss lady always nags us in our weekly meeting to KEEP TRACK OF YOUR LEAVE TIME BALANCE. And I never did...I mean, I know how many hours I accrue in a month and figured I could do the math if need be. I just, in general, do not keep track of things. I'm not what you'd call a tracker...nope. "Trackers" are akin to "organizers" and sadly I belong to a whoooole other phylum.
As the year wore on, she singled me out particularly on this tirade, saying, yeah I think *you* have beaucoup lead time left for '07 (well I am paraphrasing there, as boss lady is not the type to sporadically lapse into Francois .... as is moi )I presumed the rough figure I had in my head was totally inaccurate so I told her she better email my balance.

104 HOURS OF LEAVE TIME!! Holy Guacamole, right?? Indicator #1,001 that I've been w/ this company too damn long!! But I definitely wanted to take advantage... even so...I could only come up with 82 hrs to take off. But that's quite the chunk out of the next 2 mos. I just got the official a-okay today, and so I'll be off:
Nov 21
Nov 26
Dec 3
Dec 10-17
Dec 26

I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do with myself!!!

I have a blue house with a blue is the color of all that I wear

I have that little gem on my iPod (don't tell me you don't remember Blue) and this morning it came on and it just cracked me up. It doesn't usually send me into giggle fits (though I don't suppose I've heard it for years) but this a.m. (perhaps a side effect of sleep deprivation) it just struck me as hilarious that somebody put such lyrics to paper in earnest. And then was capable of performing it without laughing.

Don't get me wrong, I adore that song (probably more than I should, really..)

Speaking of irresistable songs that reduce one's IQ exponentially... one of my very first iTunes purchases was "Crank That" by Soulja Boy. I really tried to dislike this song on principle. First off, as I described it (after 1st hearing it) in a prev post-- it is a "litany of gibberish". I can barely make any sense of it, which is just as well because I sense that is pretty misogynist gibberish and just detrimental to society on multiple levels. However... I shall not lie... I really dig the song. I think it's the steel drums that enthrall me so. What's really surprising is that my sister likes the song. And so when it came on the radio on our way back from Burlington a few weekends back, we had a very interesting sing-along. Basically we just hollered "OHHH!" and "YOOOOOOOOU!" at what was approximately the right junctures in the song. Our friend Kristi seemed embarrassed for us (or herself maybe, I'm not certain, she's just lucky that the song came on whilest we were zipping down I89 and not while we were in downtown bumper to bumper traffic)
So anyways, not only do I love that song against my will but I extra-love that song on account of my now having a funny anecdote associated with it. Except it's one of those dreadful "guess-ya-had-to-be-there"funny anecdotes, which you can't rightfully categorize as a legit funny anecdote. So--addendum-- I happen to especially love "Crank That" because I have a fond memory associating said ditty. Better?

Friday, November 16, 2007

a Shep by any other name...

On the local oldies station, one of the DJs is called "Shep Sutton". I say "is called" rather than "is named" because I have a hard time believing that "Shep Sutton" is this dude's actual, legal name. Legal or no, that moniker cracks my shit up! "Shep" is just killer, in and of itself, but ya tack on "Sutton" and it's off the f**king charts, man!!

Now I don't like "Shep" as like, a prospective first born son name or anything like that. But wouldn't it be a terrific character name? If I wasn't so profoundly noggin-constipated when it comes to conceiving original plots, then I might come up with an original plot and spin that into a short story (or--if the muse was feeling generous-- a novel) and in this story I would fit a "Shep" character in there somewheres. Probably even a Shep S _________, for that nice alliterative effect, but not using "Sutton" because that would be like cheating, y'know?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

rock me amadeus!!

One of the songs I got put on to my iPod was Falco's "Rock Me Amadeus". I mean, of course it's on there. That is a MUST HAVE 80s track. I had the Pod (still no proper name for it yet...though I'm considering Georg after the VonTrappe pater familias) on shuffle and aforementioned song came on, and it moved me to track down the music vid on YouTube.

Maaaan! I had totally forgotten how awesome that was!! It seems so LURID!! Even in the crazy 80s (days of Madonna & all) this seems a smidge risque.

There's something inherently lurid about 18th century garb anyways. The powdered wigs, for one. The men and women had virtually the same hair...there is a unisex uniformity in that that rings kinky somehow. Male attire was benign enough, but the dresses!! Those corsets that make your boobs overflow all over the place (forget "muffin tops" --think popovers!). And hoop skirts-- yowza. You can fit all kinds of debauchery under there.

I do not have this mix of "Rock Me Amadeus" -- mine does not have the guitar riffs, nor the "Sug-sug-sugah sweet. Sugar Sweet". I also recall listening to a version (different from this in the video & different from the one on my iPod) that has a timeline in it. I should like to possess all possible variations of "Rock Me Amadeus" . Also I remember a song he did called "Vienna Calling" which I'd also like to get my mitts on.

It makes me sad how Falco died so prematurely (car accident in 1998). Maybe he woulda made a comeback, maybe not. Even if he didn't, he has irrevocable cool points for all time just for that one song. I am grateful though, that he's not buried in the US... 'cause I was reading the wikipedia write-up on Falco and it featured a pic of his grave and --yeeeesh--- it has got to be the CREEPIEST "resting place" ever!!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Indiana wants me!!

First of all, lemme kvetch that this new internet moderation movement in my office is KILLING ME! Ok, well that's overstating it a smidge, but it ain't easy for me to abstain from 'net surfing when I get downtime.

So I was trying to be good and reading The Language of Doors --this book I bought for cheapie-cheap at Home Goods on my last Burlington trek. This book is more or less about different elements that comprise certain residential architectural styles (keeping its focus on the entry way) . The Richardson Romanesque style featured in the book intrigued me and it got me to thinking on other styles I dig-- Tudor revival, bungalow. And then I was lamenting the loss of this book I had -- Storybook Style about these really enchanting storybook style houses (think stone work, arched doors, exposed timbers, wonky pitched roofs). I was thinking I really HAVE TO re-acquire that book. I loved that book! Suddenly I felt certain that if I didn't add it to my Amazon wish list RIGHT NOW I would forget all about it forever.

So yeah...that's when I went renegade and popped online for totally nonprofessional reasons. Said coffee table book is added to my wish list. Pisser of it is, is that Amazon has it at a low low price of $23.07....and I know I paid $10 when I bought it before. Waaah. But anyways...

Now I was online, was thinking about storybook homes, it was a foregone conclusion that I would try to find some sites about storybook architecture (there aren't any good ones, I'm afraid) or just some photos. In this quest I happened upon Simpler Times Village.

Simpler Times Village is slated to commence construction in 2008, somewhereabouts in Indiana. Well, they do specify Southern Madison county Indiana, but uhhh, I know SQUATTYSQUAT about Indiana geography so to me-Southern Madison county ="somewhereabouts" .

So yeah, I may just move to somewhereabouts Indiana and buy me a Simpler Times Village cottage (humor me for a spell, ok? Let's just make believe like I have the ability to save up $$) These are the house plans that intrigue me--


Tremendously cute (thought that gingerbread cornice work is a bit much for my liking) but I don't know if I could deal with only 1196 sq ft and only one bedroom (that's NUTS). Needless to say, we are now disregarding the truth that I live in...ohhh, a 10 sq ft apartment (somethin' like that) right now. I remind you that this is make-believe dream house shopping, mmm kay? Let's continue on to the other plan that appealed to me...

Just lovely. I love me an arched door.

Also I had to throw in a page from the site that just amused the hell outta me. Aside from *suggested* house plans, they have early plans for village businesses. A Detective business in Simpler Times Villages? WTF, folks? Anyways, they have a prospective Mexican restaurant on the horizon (possibly)...
I probably couldn't live in a village without Mexican food, I so love my guac & frijoles refritos , but I can think of about 100 restaurant names (if not 1,000) better than THE PAINTED TACO. That is just weird.

Direct your attention to that "What's Your Dream?" section where they're soliciting folks to volunteer ("Yes, I would very much like to own and operate The Painted Taco. Sign me up, mammy!") "I am a future customer, send me coupons!" Huh? It's a bit premature to start amassing Painted Taco coupons, am I right??
I adore the third, totally off-the-wall bulletpoint there, which is- "I LOVE flan!" That's terrific. Very comical in an end credits of Letterman ("Worldwide Pants!") kind of fashion, right?

I have never had flan but I quite enjoy a good churro.

Ok, as intrigued as I am by Simpler Times, I also watch a lot of movies... That is why a part of me wonders if there isn't something sinister...something "Stepford-esque" going on behind the scenes here. Oh wait, no..."The Village". It's sort of making me think of that movie. You know the one...directed by M. Night Shammalammalakem (whatev) the acting debut of Bryce Dallas Howard. But even if there were no secret sinister goings-on...there's still a high probability of having fruity, irritating neighbors.. . .ones that homeschool their kids and keep milking goats.

So I've decided... I'll not write off Simpler Times Village entirely, but I'm not moving out there unless I can get someone to come with. . .

Anybody game??

other atrocities of the day....

I was actually running early this morning (shocker!!) and so I had time to zip thru the McDon's drivethru to grab coffee & an Egg McMuffin (subbing bacon for the standard is my wont) . I always --when rhapsodizing over breakfast sammies-- enthuse that McDonalds' offerings are vastly better than what they sell at Dunkin' Donuts. I would prefer to champion the little guy (DD in this case) but I just cannot. And I guess I still stand by this assertion, but I feel a bit betrayed that after years of my extolling the virtues of the McMuffin (whether the McHonchos know it or not) I was this morning sold an Egg McMuffin WITH EGG SHELL in it. Ewww.
Ok, so I have no call to be as affronted as like, the lady who got a partial rat in her McRib (but really, who orders a @#$%ing Mc Rib ? Those things are revolting, even when constructed properly) and I suppose I should be thankful for the reassurance that yes, they do in fact, use real eggs. But it ruined my whole breakfast damn it!!

I don't know if you've been informed- but breakfast is the most important meal of the day!!

Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?

Holy Hell, Boy George! I mean, it's really no big for you to rack up the occasional drug charge (that's to be expected) but this new quandary is exceedingly bad behavior (even for a celebrity!)

Although I should mention this is no music history precedent, this. I believe that is what the late Rick James did a stretch in the hoosgow for--having a sex slave (I oughtta clarify: an involuntary sex slave) But Rick James...he was a super freak, super freaky (yow! Temptations--sing!) But Boy George , I had thought, was all about colorful gayness and karma. Well, pardon me for pointing out the obvious, but this is not going to incur you any good karma. Quite the opposite, Georgie. Quite the opposite...

Monday, November 12, 2007

low key dokey Smokey

Had a pretty chill weekend, and after the surprise parties and extensive shopping of the prior weekend, I think a chill weekend was most definitely in order.

Lemme see...I babysat the girls on Friday night while Laura, Greg & Seth took in the Div.III Championship football game in Brattleboro. Right after returning from the game, Greg headed off to camp so I spent all of Saturday and some of Sunday hanging with Laura & the kids. Not like she can't hack it solo...she does about 90% of the time. I just thought it'd be nice for her to have a bit of back up. Just a little bit. I mean, truthfully, I spent a goodly chunk of time on her computer ripping songs off CDs onto my iPod. I've gone from 165 songs to 1002 songs. And I did download 1 podcast (Flight of the Conchords)too! Ohhh, but there is still more to add...

Saturday we went shopping. I didn't do a lot of spending ...I had a ten dollar credit at Encore books and I grabbed 3 books that came to a total of $10.97. I opted to skip Kohl's and sit in the van with Lucy & Sadie. I found a box of face paint crayons in the van (Laura's sister-in-law had had her buy 'em & bring to the Fri night game) and doodled all over the girls' faces. Hey..I get bored waiting in the van! Laura didn't really care...I think she just appreciated the chance to shop without anyone whining and/or swiping things off the shelves. Later she bought me dinner at Gusanoz (mmmmm!! burritos) So I spent a grand total 97 cents this weekend. Ohhhh, if only I was always so thrifty!!

Yesterday I went for a pre-church walk w/ my sister & the 2 little muffins (the I sometimes call them). Laura --who is infamous for her speedwalking-- was actually keeping a reasonable pace because she was pushing the girls in a double stroller. Sadie is getting too old (and a bit too heavy) to be pushed around in that thing. I was musing during our walk... isn't it less work to pull something than it is to push it? And if so, why don't they make rickshaw style strollers?? But I digress. After church, I watched Greg cut the innards out of a deer (he got a 10pointer early Sun morning). Then after lunch, I went to my parents' house...took a long nap, cooked a cabbage and a butternut sqash.

And that was my weekend. Unbelievably thrilling, yes?

New Heroes on tonight. Y'know I don't know why everyone is so down on season 2. I am still utterly devoted to the show. OK, I concede that the inky eye twins from S America are a lame addition, and I am quite relieved that the 17th century storyline is at long last over, but there are lots of other things about the show that are great. I guess I'm saying the pros outweigh the cons...

Wednesday, November 07, 2007


Among a bevvy of other purchases I made this weekend, I acquired a "Jaw Harp" also called a "Jew's Harp". From what I have gleaned so far, the instrument has nothing to do with the Jews and hardly anything to do with the jaw. So it feels more befitting to me to call it a "twanger". And so I have been. This is the instrument I mean, by the way---

Sadly, I do not have a Snoopy brand harp (I would be BEYOND ELATED) , it is Toysmith brand, but the harp looks identical to this.
Now although this was primarily a Christmas shopping trip, this harp was actually a purchase for yours truly. I know, I know , you're thinking "Great stocking stuffer for the nephew/one of the nieces!!" contraire mon frère !! I snatched up the thang for me own personal, musical enhancement. I thought it would be such fun to master some folky, old timey instrument such as this. I'm already a whiz at playing a jug. Ok, well I'm somewhat proficient and it's not really a jug, but an empty 20oz Diet Coke bottle. But I'm SURE if I had a proper jug I'd pick it up with the greatest of ease. After I master the Jew/Jaw/twanger harp, I might try learning to play washboard or the spoons. Then I could quit this FOOL job and join Emmett Otter's band. I know they got somebody on washboard, but I don't think they have anyone playing the twanger or the spoons. Awwwww YEAH.
OK here's the problem...
I can't play this damn thing. I persist in trying...but it's not so easy as you'd presume. I even looked it up on Wikipedia (Oh here's a neat-o quote from that article :"Since trances are facilitated by droning sounds, the Jew's harp has been associated with magic and has been a common instrument in shamanic rituals. " no wonder I was inexplicably allured by this instrument!! How RAD is that??) and then on YouTube (for a sort of vid tutorial) even though we were recently warned that the co. has stepped up supervision of our net activity. I couldn't resist looking it up. I am super duper determined to figure this sucka out!! Do you think studying JawHarpery online will be an extra-nefarious red flag for the corp IT spies?? We shall see, amigos...
Check this dude out. He is my HARP IDOL. He makes it look damned easy but believe you me, it AIN'T. I will keep on workin' at it... will let you's all know if I progress at all...

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Holy schnikey ...IT WORKED!

Oh, it was garlic-dill Havarti, in case y'all were curious. I am going to now partake of a smallish mound of Smartfood and then desist stuffing my face...
Haven't posted one of these in a while...thought I'd give it a shot and see if I could make it work (work= expand when clicked on) . We shall see....

I don't know really why I still obscure the last names...I'm sure y'all know my name. But I don't exactly get my office mates permission to post these things on my blog (they don't even know I have a blog, I don't think) so on principle I render them all anonymous-like...

Oh that mention of baby haters is an inside joke. One of our coworkers...from the accounting dept ...brought in her new li'l granddaughter. And Robin was not appropriately schmoopy over it (neither was I, actually) so I IMed her "WHY DO YOU HATE THE BABIES??" or "Why are you against the babies?" something like that. She's not, really, but it amused me to make it a running gag that Robin is "ANTI babies".

Monday, November 05, 2007

SooooooPRIZE, SooooPRIZE!!

That's supposed to be ,like, a typed impression of Gomer Pyle. I dunno if that came across or not. When I walked into a surprise 30th bash on Friday night, though I was surely proved a real schmendrick, I didn't sound like Gomer Pyle. I don't think so anyways...

So I thought that Laura might throw something together (I put her through it, after all) but with the 4 anklebiters taking up her every free minute, I woulda certainly understood if she couldn't find the time. In early Oct, both she and my mother had asked me questions (oh-so-nonchalantly) about some of my friends' last names...THAT I took to be a red flag. And then she happened to say "We should do something for your birthday on the following Friday"(meaning the Fri after my birthday). And I thought to meself "Oh, that's when the surprise party's going to be" So, I was absolutely on to the whole scheme.....but then I got "thrown off the scent" so to speak. My friend Roxanne emailed me "Let's go to Salt Hill on Friday night and celebrate your birthday!" and it was a very cas., off-the-cuff seeming invite. So, I thought, I'll run this by Laura and how she responds to this will prove/disprove once and for all if a surprise party is in the works or not. I said to her "Roxanne wants to know if I want to go to Salt Hill on Friday night. I haven't gotten back to her just yet..since I thought we had something tenatively planned. Should I tell her I'll give her a raincheck??" and Laura was all "No, go ahead. Go with Roxanne" and when I invited her to come with, she said "Well I'm going to be gone shopping aaaalll I should probably stay in with Greg & the kids on Friday" " (this is true, I should interject, we had already scheduled a Christmas Shopping Season Kick-off Trip to Burlington for Sat & Sun with our friend Kristi....which we did go on) Now this response had me thinking she is either in cahoots with Roxanne and still has something up her sleeve, OR is being totally honest here, is staying home, and in that case there was nothing in the offing for Fri night, and if it wasn't happening on Fri night it was *probably* not happening at all. So I DID (for the record) entertain the notion that Roxanne & Laura were conspiring, but I dismissed it for 2 reasons:

a) Laura is too much of a control freak to delegate and...

b) I speculated that Laura considered me easy to fool on account of self-absorption and my head being perpetually lodged up my arse. Now , I'm not quite so bad, but I thought that that is how L had me pegged. Therefore, I didn't think she'd employ such complex subterfuge.

I stand corrected.

If I'd known that I'd have an audience of 30 + people awaiting my arrival, I might've gotten to Salt Hill by 6:15 (as promised) and not 6:25. OOoopsie. Although my tardiness was partly due to me doing hair & make-up before I left work....can't say as I regret that, considering how many TRILLIONS of photos were snapped of me. A picture frame was passed around where everybody signed the matte...we'll definitely have a pic to put in there. Hopefully it won't be the one my Uncle Chuck took of me RAVAGING a buffalo wing. Not the most flattering way to be captured on film, that.
It was a really good time and I actually had one of those schmaltzy Hallmarky rushes of warm fuzzies-- gratitude mostly --that I was so lucky to have been born into such a wonderful family and have managed to accrue such awesome friends. I suppose I could've been moved to make some heartfelt and appreciative speech/toast/whatev but I'm just not like that. I kind of wish I was like that and had given such a speech but.... I dunno, on the other hand, I don't express myself so well when I'm emoting, so I probably would've botched it utterly. I did make the rounds dispensing a lot of hugs and "Thank you so much for coming"s /"I'm so glad you came!"s.
If I get any good pics sent my way, I'll be sure to post 'em... (I know, I know, I NEVER post pics. Case in vainly promised vacation snaps)

stuff about today

Remember, remember, the fifth of November

The gunpowder, treason, and plot

I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot

It's Guy Fawke's Night!! I don't know why I find Guy Fawkes intriguing but NOT scornworthy... I mean, noble goals or not, blowing up Parliament is kind of an act of terrorism. But still, the guy seems like he was a good egg to me. I could be biased (I'm Catholic & ol' GF was workin' for the Catholic cause). Also I come on the scene well over 3 centuries after the uhhh, that could certainly skew my perspective. I think, after such time has passed, he's morphed into a sort of a general romantic, fight-the-power figure (a la Che Guevara or Jim Morrison...though I'm not really up on all the Che no, I don't have one of the Tshirts). At least he has in my 21st century history-dabbling (NOT specializing in history, you see ) mind.

Y'know, the fact that it was only *politicians* he meant to blow up make his intended deeds feel somehow less reprehensible(don't fret rational brain knows how wrong that is)

Also Guy is somewhat of a looker if this ubiquitous portrait of him is to be believed . I mean, amongst the wearing-lace-collars-and-kooky-Pilgrim-hats set, he's fairly foxy.

I WOULD wear a T-shirt with him on it..

Another thing I read about today was ambergris. I think it was the MSN homepage that sported the curious "How will Whale Vomit Help me to Early Retirement?" headline. Now that is some TOP SHELF headline writing right there. Pulled the reader (ie : MOI) right in with a confounded sense of "WTF is this jibba jabba all about? I gotsta read this..." What I found most fascinating was all the many& varied uses for ambergris. Food flavoring, jewelry, perfume truly is a magical substance. Miracle puke!! Or, as the Germans call it... Wunder YARRRF (forget the Germans...**I** wanna call it that!)

I have this "Forgotten English" desk calendar that has a word every day that was used back in the day (anytime between Guy Fawkes times and the early twentieth ce) but has fallen into disuse and been , for the most part, obsoleted . For some reason, this has not entertained me in 2007 as much as it did when I last got this desk calendar (that'd be 2004). It was interesting, somewhat, up until mid February, but then the novelty wore off. Or maybe , it's not really the premise that has lost its charm, only that they just ran out of good words for '07. I think this may be the case, because I find myself rather smitten with today's offering--

I was a big user of the word "ginormous" waaaay before it was annexed by lexicographers nationwide . Even before it was made bona fide. Before that...before it was even hip, man. But now it's popular parlance, and I'm feeling the need for new synonym for "huge" ...something obscure that everybody's not poachin' already. This may just fit the bill, friends....

Thursday, November 01, 2007


I forgot to mention how ELATED I am that FX has commenced the new season of Nip/Tuck. OF COURSE I tuned in Tues night!!
Some highlights--
I looooved the sequence of Christian & Sean prepping for a night out clubbing. I concur with the wise gents in ZZ Top: every girl *is* crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man. Those dudes can dress-- seriously!! It could be that is a happy side effect of them being a small percentage gay for each other. Also muy caliente? The new McNamara/Troy offices. This makes me think they must have had a nice fat start-up "egg". Although the scene with the fish repo dude suggests otherwise.
The "Hearts 'n' Scalpels" show-within-a-show thing was damned especially Bradley Cooper deadpanning "I'll be there in 10. . . . .10 orgasms" Oliver Platt was amazing too. Thinking back on it, they sure as hell packed in as many guest stars as they could for the season premiere. Quite near maximum capacity, I'll bet. Oh, and I felt awful for Daphne Zuniga's character ... that scene with Christian scrawling all over her photo with lipstick....that just killed me.

Speaking of TV (and revisiting the top topic du jour), I guess I can download podcasts on to my iPod. I already feel the need to call it something other than iPod. I sense that I will be using it super often, and in that case, I don't want to just call it iPod like ALL of them are called. So I think I am going to have to name it. That's one to mull over. A good name for my iPod. Oh, right-- don't you look at me like that (as if I've gone bat guano loco at long last) !! People name their flippin' cars don't they? Oh , anyways, I was on about podcasts, si? It occurred to me: this would be a way I could catch up on all those HBO or Showtime shows that I always think look neat but I've dismissed as forever unattainable because I have no intention of paying for cable (ever!!). The Tudors, for instance, looks very promising. Is that getting renewed for a 2nd season? I wonder... Also, I would check out Flight of the Conchords, get a peek at Reaper (although I think I do get the's just hard to locate amongst my channels). Yessss, that would be good.

I had this in mind when I checked out the iTunes site. I figured that had to be the go-to site for such a thing since Steve Jobs and his iBastards seem to rule with an iRon fist (haa)... I was skeptical that I could find usable downloads elsewhere, y'know? It seems though, you cannot even browse if you don't have the iTunes player installed? Whyever the fuck not, I ask you? I happen to be a big fan of browsing--both in actual real life stores and in the online shops. But I can't even peruse the fucking wares if I don't install this hella-invasive install on my work PC? Damn youse guys!! Of course, I installed the iTunes player on my home (aka Laura's) computer, but I would never do that on my office PC (and probably I'm barred from doing so anyways...)! So my dream podcast roster waits to be compiled some other day. Waaaah....


I got a smattering of lovely gifts for my birthday. But the most preoccupying one , the BIG TICKET an 80 gb iPod Classic.

Don't get me wrong...I do love it. But I am having the damnedest time getting my music onto it. See I have a BUTTLOAD of music on my sister's PC. Some of the songs I've ripped off of CDs when making mixes. Those (165 songs) I've been able to sync to the iPod. HOWEVER, there are lots and LOTS and LOTS of tracks that I've downloaded via that are giving me trouble. The simplest (and PRICIEST) solution would be to re-buy all these tracks from iTunes but fucking way am I doing that! There's gotta be another way!! The weird thing is...none of these download tracks show up in my iPod..and yet when I connected the iPod to my work PC and right clicked on the device, selected "Explore" ALL THOSE TRACKS SHOWED UP !! I wasn't able to play any of them...they simply aren't there when I navigate around on the iPod, and when I tried to play them on the PC it gave me an error message....some twaddle about licenses (whatev!!). But the confounding fact remains: they ARE fucking in there somewhere!! Right?? Ugggh!! The whole deal is frustrating me big time. And I find Windows Help & iPod/Apple Help to be...anything but helpful. I need LIVE assistance. I need . . .I need THE NERD HERD.

I've really been dwelling on the negative side o' things--namely these 300+ kick ass songs that I can't play on my new iPod. Why does the iGestappo have to make this so g.d. hard for me, huh? But what I **should** be doing is saying-- Hooooraay, I have this shiny new toy. It has cool games on it and 165 very fine songs.

At present, I am thankful that I was able to get some Beastie Boys up in this thang. I have 4 Beastie tracks on the iPod:
1.Brass Monkey
2.Triple Trouble
3.That's It That's All
4.The Brouhaha

I am right now rocking out to #4 on this list. Never really got any Top 40 Radio airplay but believe you me, clown, it is a DAMNED enjoyable 2minutes and 13 seconds.
Y'know when discussing the Beastie's canon, music nerds are usually all "blah blah blah..Paul's Boutique..yadda yadda.." I guess that's their most pioneering & most critically acclaimed album, but for me "License to Ill" & "To the 5 Burroughs" are the must-haves. And I do have them. Those 2 along with "Hello Nasty" (but strangely, I never listen to that one) Before long, I will never handle any of those CDs ...they will all just be tracks on my iPod. I'm suddenly very sentimental about my ol' mountain of CDs. Sentimental about CDs in general, really. It seems a foregone conclusion that they WILL go the way of the Dodo, but it seems strange to think on a whole type of store being wiped out, nationwide. I wonder if it would work if CD stores evolved instead...they could become a place where you came in with your iPod or equivalent device, hand it over to the staff after choosing songs off a sort of menu and then the employees would do all the tiresome techno-grunt work for you. This type of establishment would be handy for folks who either: a) possess outmoded equipment not in keeping with the high tech times OR b) possess outmoded skills not in keeping with the high tech times. I know it's hard to believe (in light of this post) but I do fall more into category a than b.

OK so I've beaucoup download frustrations, and glum reveries on the eventual demise of the music store, but aside from all that, I'm quite happy with the new iPod. I'm sure I'll rally and become truly assimilated into the iPod nation before long, right? I am pretty smitten with the whole clickwheel dealie. That's good fun. Y'know, owning this is apt to bump me up into a whole new technological caste. And that means that I MUST now obtain that laptop that I've been passively pining for forever. But first, all the must-have i-Pod accoutrements....