Monday, July 31, 2006


Well, I didn't eat any lobster during Saturday's road trip up to Maine, but I did acquire this super hubba-hubba lobster complexion. Oy! You'd think by now I'd have learned what a nasty toll Mr Summertime Sun can take on Ms. PastyIrish Flesh. I did put on sunscreen (SPF 50 at that!) but it was too little too late. And the pisser of it is, when I'm an old hag with permanent sun damage I'm not going to have that exotic Georgie Hamilton-hued rich Corinthian leather skin. I'm going to be as pale as I ever was, with these blotchy, possibly lumpy melanomas. Daaaaaamn.

Anyways , Amy and I drove up Rte1 through Kittery, York, Wells, Kennebunk(port) & Portland. Rather, I should specify: Amy drove and I DJed and cracked wise. Well, that ended up being my role, I think initially I was First Mate/ Navigator, but I soon proved that (just as I'd forewarned Amy) I can't so much as navigate my head outta my ass. Well, as long as we were on Rte 1, I knew what was what, but elsewhere I was fairly useless. On the way home we somehow got turned around and headed north on NH Rte 16 going toward the White Mtns! Ah well, all's well that ends well. We didn't get home until 2 though....I slept right through mass the next a.m.

Aside from our inadvertant detour, it turned out well. Amy was on a hunt for lighthouses and we got to three of 'em. It was a mellow road trip, nice and sunny . It was nice to see the ocean, climb on some rocks, play with kelp, and get some salt water in my hair. Amy didn't know what the hell I was talking about, but I SWEAR--a smattering of ocean agua does wonders for my limp coiff. I don't know if it's just the salt water, or if it's the reaction of salt water + sun, but it gives me like an all- natural version of day-after-being-in-a-wedding hair. It gives it a little body and some texture. I'm always on about my #$%&ing hair, aren't I? I need to get it colored, by the way...

As pleased I am with my beauteous, mermaidtastic locks, I remain somewhat bummed that I didn't chow down on some lobstah. I mean, I realize that I can go grab one for cheap at Market Basket, but it just ain't the same!! I think this will continue to vex me. I think another roadtrip to Maine may be in order. (I mean, everytime I get to York, I marvel over how quick of a drive it really is) I truly dig the state, so it wouldn't be purely a shellfish mission. But I WOULD make a particular point of getting to Foster's Clambake ( That's Foster's Clambake, Rte 1A, York ME... y'know maybe one day I could possibly have legions of rabid blog fans and then a plug like that is sure to git me a li'l somethin' somethin'. A free side of coleslaw, perhaps?? My emphatic endorsement must be worth a 1/2 cup o' slaw, at least)

Sunday I just hung out at la casa de mi hermana. I made a mix CD. I had really wanted to get me The Bloodhound Gang's "Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss " (yep, that IS a real song name) but when I got to downloadin' songs I completely forgot that one. Grrr. But here is what I did put on it--
*Why Don't you do Right? (Peggy Lee)
*Come Dancing (The Kinks) (y'know I too, recall "the day they knocked down 'The Pally'" except in my family I was more heartbroken about it than my sister was)
*I Bet That You Look Good on the Dance Floor (Arctic Monkeys)
*Rock Your Body (Justin Timberlake)
*State of Shock (The Jacksons feat. Mick Jagger) (this is an awesome song. If I opt for becoming a professional rapper, well, I will probably need to go to Rap Camp or something first, but then when I'm trained and ready to cut my 1st demo, I am going to sample this song. It just strikes me as particularly ripe for sampling. Just you's gon' be a GINORMOUS hit)
*Circles (Soul Coughing)
*Rompe (Daddy Yankee) (NANANANANANANANANANANANANaaaaaaaa)
*Lose Control (Missy Elliot) (I just have to gush- she is just SUCH a cool shit)
*Dance, Dance (Fall Out Boy)
*She Wants to Move (N.E.R.D.) (speaking of Neptunes, N.E.R.D., I just want to interject here that I have a bit of a Pharrell Williams crush.)
*P.Y.T. (Michael Jackson)
*Promiscuous (Nelly Furtado) (y'know I could do without Nelly's singing entirely.--yeah, I get it you went from sweet Boho chick to just plain ho...reinventing yourself Jewell-circa-2000 style. Hearty congrats, but I couldn't care less. I just like the tune)
*Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground) (the Jacksons)
*Still of the Night (Whitesnake) (I know "Here I Go Again" is the ubiquitous Whitesnake classic --and I do dig it-- but give this one a listen and witness just how much more arse it kicks)
*Super Bon Bon (Soul Coughing)

Got my wedding shoes tonight. I think I had fretted a bit much about them, y'know, I was expecting the absolute WORST, like some crazy hooker stilts to come in, but they really are not too bad. I walked around the house and yard with them and they don't feel much higher than the black heels I regularly wear (when feeling ambitious enough to sport heels, that is)

They gouged up the front lawn like a sonofabitch though.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

My hovercraft is FULL of EELS! (eek!)

Watching more MTV Hits last night and, upon seeing the vid for Justin Timberlakes' "Rock Your Body" I vowed that I MUST get that song on CD (or, alternately, download it when I buy my next slew of tunes from Puretracks). I feel like liking that song gives me a touch of the teenybopper 'N Sync fan stigma, but I can't deny it. It's the beatbox part that cinches it, man. Is it just me, or is there more beatbox in the video than on the radio version of the song?? Is that beatbox sound genuinely emanating from our JT there?? 'Cause that's some advanced Michael Winslow caliber styling there! And those of you who didn't catch that allusion (shame on you!) rent a Police Academy movie--any of them, because I believe Winslow's character is in all 700 Police Academy movies. THIS JUST IN.... I popped into the most exalted IMDB to see what Winslow's Police Academy character's name was (it's Larvell Jones, by the way. Larvell??? Ewww..does that not bring to mind imagery of insect gestation?) and learned that there is a Police Academy movie slated for 2007. That means either we (we = us , collectively, Western culture) have utterly run out of ideas or maybe it just means Guttenberg (yes, he IS starring) has utterly run out of options. Maybe he saw that he was right on the verge of being on The Surreal Life and, frightened of what twisted debauchery he might encounter there, HE started shopping Police Academy 901 to studios.
Anyways, back to the small screen....
The main event on the tube last night was Project Runway. Here is my synopsis of the thing. Well the whole challenge was a bit too gimmicky for my liking. So I kind of shared the attitude of that a**hole, Keith, although if I were in competition, I'd suck it up and deal (y'know, like Laura did). I still miss Malan, and have not chosen my new fave yet.
I seriously disagreed with the results of that text messaging poll! Laura's dog was NOT the cutest--Bradley's was. Speaking of Bradley, he seems like a swell chap and I'm glad he didn't get kicked off on his birthday. I wasn't really worried that he would be though. Even before the judges' inexplicable high praise for his ugly, dumpy ensemble,I knew he was safe since the show was SOOO focused on his struggling in particular. That's the PR formula, they zero in on one seemingly obvious choice for elimination--a "RED HERRING" and the actual eliminated designer at the show's end is invariably someone else. Manufacturing a shocking twist denoument, I guess. In ep.1 the red herring was Vincent, ep 2 it was the Vincent-Angela team... now Bradley. Anyways, I did like Bradley's designs in his audition tape, I hope he soon overcomes his time management issues and offers something worthwhile.

I really loved Uli's dress, but I do think Alison should have been picked the winner. I concur with one of the judges that she seemed to have "the vision". She really applied herself to the challenge. Uli might've made a great dress (she did--I loved it) but I guess I just couldn't picture her "she's a fun party girl who loves to shop" backstory. Pretty generic.

I don't know who exactly I thought should be booted, but I was sorta spitefully gratified to see Katherine booted. I'm still bummed about Malan's elimination, and he totally spared her from the judge's wrath, and I don't think she was suitably grateful for it. I'd hate for her to benefit from M's noble deeds. Like I said--spiteful (I know!)

Well, I gotta go get some eats. Maybe more rants later, I dunno....

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

You 'n' me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's...

99 Rock was playing lotsa good tunes (and yes, I DO file The Bloodhound Gang's "Bad Touch" in the good tunes category) this a.m. and I momentarily entertained the notion of turning around in the lot and leaving work -going AWOL for a day of cruising / solo roadtripping instead. But my MIGHTY work ethic (ha!) won out and here I am in my home cubicle.

Speaking of good music, on my channel 99 I have this "Adelphia Preview Channel" where you get a week of a subscription channel that is not part of the basic cable package...y'know, just so's you get addicted to it and HAVE to order it. Although more often than not, it'll be a preview of the Outdoor Life Network or ESPN Ocho ...something not even tempting. This week, however, I've got a preview of MTV Hits channel. This is like an MTV substation with ACTUAL VIDEOS broadcast on it!! It's like a dream come true!!I know I'm like the 9 millionth person to opine this, but: I am so *&^$@ing sick of all the insipid shows that have overtaken MTV. (There is only 1 exception..."Made". I do enjoy "Made") The other night I watched the Killers' "Mr Brightside"...which, if you've not seen it, take my word for it, it's a RAD video. The Killers are MARVELOUS anyways (one of my faves) and generally do cool videos, but then they went and added ERIC ROBERTS to the mix. Brilliant! And I'll spare you checking for a video timeline-- the Killers played the Eric Roberts card before Mariah Carey thought of it....just for the record. Then I saw Li'l Jon's "Snap Ya Fingers" video, which went something like a rave-ish iPod commercial that could induce seizures. But I can't resist the song. It very well might degenerate brain matter with every listen, but I love it anyways.
But there's this one major impediment to me signing up for this terrif MTV channel...I am a cable pirate (arrrr!) .
Petty grievances time: I am out of conditioner with about a 1/4 of a bottle of shampoo left. This ALWAYS happens to me. This is, I think, because I want some sort of foam-up action outta my conditioner and so I use more of it to try to achieve that... Can't they sell a conditioner with the regular conditioning components present, but an added foaming agent that will psychologically trick people (people like moi) into using conditioner at the same rate as their shampoo?? I think I'll put that in our company suggestion has nothing to do with our product or market, but I just want to contribute something. I tire of my perpetual apathy.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

bleu cheese vinagrette

I walked to Shaw's at lunch. It's just down at the end of the road, I should walk there everytime I go there at lunch..but I don't (lazy slug that I am). There was this really heinous stench of HOT peed-on garbage behind the building. Heeey, that could be the basis of the unorthodox diet I've been waiting for: walk to Shaw's everyday to buy lunch! I would get the exercise benefit of a daily 1/2 mile walk and then I would get so ill from the reek behind Shaw's that I'd hafta skip lunch. Nawwww that would never work. I'm not a squeamish gal...the stink mighta grossed me out, but I got over it rapidly. Well, I 'spose the 1/2 mile daily walk couldn't hurt me. Maybe I'll start doing it more often. I shall have to dress for it I have on jeans, black flip-flops (flips are SUCH an office faux pas...but ask me if I give a rat's arse, eh?) a black tunic (it's an almost sheer thin linen,though, I'm not like one of those freakishly coldblooded dress-like-it's-winter-in-the-summer types) Anyways, it's warm out today, but nice-- not heat wave temps. But just the same, I really was putting my Ban antiperspirant to the test. I would've thought the trash & urine stank was emanating from my person, had it not been obviously dwelling in one specific region of Shaws' rear parking lot.
The condiment aisle in Shaws is the ninth wonder of the world. Ok, I may still be a bit heatstrokey and thereby prone to wild exaggerations, but still, that condiment aisle is damned impressive! The part I most covet is the fancy mustard section. I am not crazy about plain ol' dullsville yellow mustard (like, y'know French's) but gourmet mustard-- be it spicy, or sweet, or stoneground, or with CHAMPAGNE (champagne??? YES PLEASE) -- is the most exalted of all the condiments. I am a giant condiment for me to proclaim fancy mustard as the MOST EXALTED of the condiments...thatsa BIG deal, y'know. Anyways, I was not on a mustard mission today...I had gotten salad bar and none of the dressing packets at the salad bar appealed to me. Now in this uber condiment aisle, there is like 3 miles of different dressings. And out of all that wondrous variety of dressings I got....ITALIAN dressing. It's an odd choice for me. It's not like I don't like Italian, but I'm usually one to go in for somethin' a bit more exotic. But it was this new innovation in salad dressing (it's Wishbone brand) where the dressing comes in this spritzer bottle. And I thought "Jinkies!! Whatever will they think of next???" So during my awestruck appraisal of the dressing section (thanking capitalist America for granting me such a staggering variety of dressing options) I spotted : BLEU CHEESE VINAGRETTE. Does that sound as odd to y'all as it does to me? To me, that sounds like a selection from the Dr Moreau line of salad dressing. Hey, maybe I'm overstating how wrong it is, but there is no debating how wrong it looks. Bleu cheese vinagrette looks like dressing that is about 5 or 6 years past its "Use By" date.
The following are the components that comprised my salad:
*Romaine lettuce (I must say I was disappointed how Shaw's salad bar lettuce mix had too many lettuce "spines" in it and not enough of the leafy bits
*2 hard boiled eggs
*a smattering of slivered almonds
*lemon pepper tuna : this I did NOT get from the salad bar. The bar offered some mysterious grade Q tuna that looked like cat food... I got albacore Starkist in a pouch. Y'know, I dig the pouch tuna because I always lose a lot of the can tuna when I weed out the sketchy looking tuna. In a 6oz can, tuna companies are only legally obligated to put in 3.5 oz of actual tuna, although your premier brands--Starkist, Bumblebee, Chicken-of-the-Sea-- will give you 4oz. Anyways from a 4oz hunk of tuna (because I only buy premium, daaaahlings) I probably come away with only 3oz in my tuna salad because I remove any areas I see that are inordinately reddish, and I take out any grey veiny thingies... Anyways, packet tuna must have more stringent QC because I find far less objectionable looking bits in the packet variety. (TUNA TANGENT OVER)
*shredded purple cabbage
*carrot shreds
*cheese shreds

Now WHY the hell did I break down my salad here? Not sure. You decide.....
A) I want you to marvel at my salad artistry
B) Slow news day
C) I want to marvel at my salad artistry
D) I want to repel and sicken any friends of mine who are staunchly ANTI-VEGETABLE (not that I know any weirdos like that)
E) I am such an obsessive shopper that I'm compelled to itemize all purchases, even the most banal ones. If that's the case then--in the interest of thoroughness-- I also bought Wishbone spray-on Italian dressing, a 2 liter bottle of Coke, pads, and 2 Chocolate-PB Crunch Clif bars (which I find make a damn fine quickie breakfast)

Today I started training to do customer service for the Stoody product line which is coated rod electrodes, loose boron, MIG Welding wire, crap like that. And it really irks me that there is not a single damn part number in all the literature, NO WAY, instead we have to train to become intermediate g.damn metallurgists in order to scrounge up a part # for what the callers want. Oy. It does not help that Frank, the trainer guy, is drier than a popcorn fart (as they say...and apparently that charming little idiom is quite popular in the Great Lakes region of the U.S.) To be fair, it probably doesn't help trainerguy Frank that I am all punchy and giggly and jokey. But y'know, it's not because I want to be insolent, Frankie, I'm just trying to friggen' stay awake!!!
Well, adios until my next post ya boron hodags!!

Monday, July 24, 2006

Frustration! (also- today's posts will be hard to understand unless you read 'em bottom to top)

Ok, no problems posting some dumbass photo of a Fun Chicken (no disrespect, Fun Chicken! Buck-Bwwaaak!) This is mucho irksome!

If I have to write to the estate of Alphonse Mucha just so's I can put some pretty pictures up on my blog than I'm going to say to HELL with it and do a tribute to Robert Hayes and the Fun Chicken instead!! I AM A VERY SMART GIRL, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE IN CZECHOSLOVAKIAN!!! Ta hell with the Mucha's b-day extension I had granted myself.. I am trying NOW -ONE LAST TIME--to post pretty Mucha's pretty Art Nouveau crap, and if it doesn't work this time I am never going to observe Mucha's birthday ever again !!

Phew!!! Am I friggen relieved that worked or what?? I think I may have a throbbing vein protruding from my forehead...

Sorry for the harsh words , AM, and happy damn b-day!! (BTW art-lovers, better, bigger versions of these images if you click them. Ta-ta, sweethearts!)

testing, testing, un, deux, trois...

OK,I am going to see if I can post just any ol' image, just some random pic I've got squirreled see if this is a site problem or if there's something intrinsically unpostable about those Mucha pics...because I've been posting pics right along with no troubles whatsoever, and then suddenly today...Arrrgh! WTF???

Allllllrighty, here we go, arbitrary pic (I repeat- totally arbitrary and NOT to be perceived as a b-day salute to Mr Mucha)

extension granted on Mucha's birthday

I am granting myself the authority to extend Czech Art Nouveau master Alphonse Mucha's birthday into 7/25. For some damn vexing reason, I am currently incapable of posting the 3 lovely Mucha pics I'd chosen for my "visually class up" the dump, as I'd said. Let's hope things will work as they should tomorrow, on the second day of Mucha's birthday.

blue Monday

In subconscious homage to the excellent New Order song I've dressed in head to toe blue today. Really, truly, I mean that, as my toenails also happen to be painted blue at present. It might have been an homage to the Orgy version of the song actually, because honestly (and saying this may be musical sacrilege) I think a prefer the 1998 cover version just a smidge more. If I remember the original correctly, there was just too much drawn out instrumental bits for my liking.
The conscious motivation for my wardrobe palette was my Thermadyne pull-over hoodie (said hoodie is navy blue and I was just so skilled at clothing coordinating this a.m. that I was able to match absolutely...I am bluer than a nakey Smurf) It was a tad chilly this morning so that's why I went for the hoodie. Y'know I kinda like a chilly morning--NOT freezin' me arse off and the car won't start, 3 " of ice on the windshield cold , mind you--JUST CHILLY. There's something immensely gratifying about pulling on something snuggly when it is chilly out. makes me smile in my heart. For that reason (and because of the super handy front belly pouch) I proclaim the pullover hooded sweatshirt the most perfect garment in existence. The fashionista powers that be would probably scoff at me mercilessly for holding such an opinion, but I stand firm. Nina Garcia , fashion director for Elle magazine (I can't help but hear Klum's voice in my head as I type that) can go to HELL... yeah, that may sound a bit harsh but she probably is going already for all the flak she gave poor Santino.
Happy Birthday today to Czech Art Nouveau printmaker, Alphonse Mucha, who celebrates his 146 th birthday today (he would be celebrating, if he weren’t dead). I coulda gone with Jennifer Lopez as the b-day celeb du jour or even Robert Hayes (aka Ted Stryker from “Airplane!” that was tempting…y'all know me- I'd take Ted Stryker over JLo any day o' the week...maybe on July24 next year) but I’m giving today’s shout out to old ‘Phonsey (“heeeey”) to prove how suffused I am with culture in general (and not just tawdry pop culture) Plus, some lovely Art Nouveau illustration will do wonders to visually class up this blog.
Again... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MUCHA! I dig your work man...

Sunday, July 23, 2006



Yep, sorry to ruin the movie for anybody , but Soylent Green is people. And, incidentally, it looks like green Wheat Thins. So if the Wheat Thins people (Nabisco??) were to come out with Avocado Wheat Thins I'd be leery of them, I think. Generally I'm apt to try anything---y'all know I'm gaga for new products, really-- but no thank you sir! It just wouldn't feel right...

Again, I apologize for the spoiler. I'm normally not one to do that. Sure, I'll ruin your movie watching experience by interjecting sarcastic commentary wherever I deem it fitting (I was born to do Joel/Mike's job on MST3K) but I'll never give away the ending!! In this instance, however, I was only doing what I thought was best for you. I wanted to spare you the agony of watching Charleton Heston for 2hrs. I don't know why I did that today. . And this was my 2nd viewing of Solyent Green, and I recalled the big shocker ending with perfect clarity, so it's not like I was just hanging with the movie to see how it all turns out. So it's mystifying-- why I chose to park on AMC for the entirety of that flick.-- especially considering how I can't stand Charleton Heston. I dunno what it is about him. It's NOT because he's this rabid NRA guy. Tom Selleck is too, and I like HIM lots. Yeah, I think Magnum is just terrif, as is Quigley, and Peter the baby-lovin' architect. Although, I'm not all that keen on Selleck sans moustache. Go figure. I wonder-- does Heston have any roles in which he sports a thick, Magnummy 'stache?? Perhaps if I watched him in that
show/ movie, I'd find him tolerable. Ehhh, probably not. There's just something about C-Hes that rubs me the wrong way. He seems perpetually crabby, and also like he'd backhand ya sooner than look at ya.

The only explanation I can think of is this.... I watched Blade Runner the other night and maybe I'm embarking on a kick where I'm going to watch a big spate of movies set in the f***ed up future. Blade Runner, though, I LOVE. First off, Harrison Ford, back in his Han-Solo-heyday, was a fox. And Sean Young-- did she ever do anything that awesome in her career again? I thought it was so sad when Rachel found out...well, when she found out what she found out. And I liked Rutger Hauer's short speech on the roof "...all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain." That was a moment, right there. But I won't tell you what transpired in that moment, 'cause, like I said, I am not in the habit of spoiling (worthwhile) movies. The best part about Blade Runner though, is the whole Blade Runner aesthetic. Blade Runner is the first movie I ever watched and came away really dazzled by the set design and the lighting, and all that. It was the first film that I appreciated film nerd style. Or I tried to anyway. I don't really have film nerd smarts (I'm just a wannabe!).
Gotta jet my pets...

Friday, July 21, 2006

Par-tay! Pizza Party!!

Does anybody remember the game Pizza Party? If you've no clue wtf I'm on about, go here: for enlightenment. Anyways a childhood pal of mine had Pizza Party and I played it a coupla times, but it was the PP commercials (and not the actual game experience) that have left a lasting impression on me. I can't remember the thing in much detail, but I remember it involved cartoon anthropomorphized pizza toppings and there was this song that went "Par-TAY, PIZZA Parrr-tay!" and possibly there were other lyrics but none of them memorable. Now, that commercial must be nearly 20 yrs off the air and still, to this day, every time I encounter a pizza-centric social gathering I am helplessly compelled to internally sing "Par-TAY, PIZZA Parrr-tay!" Now that's some powerful advertising! Although I have not done any extensive research in the marketing/business field, it seems to me that the jingle is powerful and underutilized advertising tool. Today companies are more inclined to buy some pre-existing pop song that is barely relevant to their product for use in their opposed to hiring some jingle genius (Uncle Jesse springs to mind as an example). But I think jingles are waaay more effective (at least to this consumer) I remember songs for Chiquita Bananas, Brill Cream, Mr Clean, Aqua Seltzer...all from ads that were airing looong before I was born! I tell ya, one company that knows what the hell I'm talkin' 'bout is WINDSHIELD WORLD. They don't really have a song, per se, but they sing their phone number in every ad. I know their phone number better than I know my own . Seriously. If ever I have a windshield emergency, there is absolutely no question who I will call. I know the damn number (1-800-639-0666) Well, also, I have 2 cousins who work for Windshield World so mebbe that gits me some kinda fam discount...

You might have suspected from the subject line, and from the mere fact that it is FRIDAY, that I am in the midst of an office pizza party. Very astute of you, that. We are indeed having a pizza party here. I don't wanna kvetch (out loud, that is, that's why you're about to be subjected to copious kvetching RIGHT NOW) but this is one of the lamest pizza parties on record. They brought us Domino's Pizza (which is mediocre, at best) plus the lady who did the ordering is a big fan of Domino's Steak & Cheese pizza so we have 1 whole pie that is that grody concoction. But what really burns me arse is that they (they=the pizza party powers that be or the ppptb) neglected to provide soda. Pretty f***ing shabby, folks! Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a mucho ingrate, and I also do realize that they're not called "Pizza & Soda Parties". But c'mon! Where pizza is consumed, soda is an accoutrement nécessaire! And we have a lotta tech support guys milling about and loitering in the vicinity of my cubicle. They're all really nice guys but when they congregate they tend to talk about work which is SUCH a snooze. So rather than be social (sit out there with my pizza, smile, nod, feign interest) I grabbed a slice and retreated to my desk to blog & net surf in isolation. To make clear that I was being resolvedly antisocial , I popped some earbuds in my ears and cranked up VH1 radio. Just a little aside in regards to 'net radio-- Accuradio is most definitely my fave site for online radio, but as of late my work 'puter won't play it!! (hence my using VH1 radio today) It's nothing so easy as a pop-up blocker issue, (that I woulda overcome in a matter of seconds) but I think some internet security settings have been changed. I will have to nose around on the system and see what I can monkey around with. While listening to VH1 radio, I got all stoked because I heard (and instantly recognized ) the beginning of The Cure's "Lullaby" but it ended up being some damn rap song (namely, "Snowflakes" by Just Jack...whoever the hell that is). Don't get me wrong, I like rap music and I'm not really anti-sampling in rap music. But this "Just Jack" bloke, he most definitely OVERSAMPLED. It's not like he just had a riff from The Cure that kept sporadically recurring throughout his song. Rather, it sounded like he was playing Lullabye and shut off Smith's vocals and just rapped over the whole song. And it felt like a bit of a dirty trick, as I really wanted to listen to the Cure after hearing that intro. I listened to the entire song thinking, "Just Jack, just SHUT UP so I can listen to mah damn Cure song!!" I have a Greatest Hits CD for The Cure and this whole rant reminds me that I want to relocate said CD to my car and listen to it more frequently. That one, and my Best O' Billy Idol CD. Billy Idol is the
cats jammies. I freeekin' love him. I saw him in concert once upon a time I did. I heard Billy's "Mony Mony " cover on the radio today (car radio, not 'net radio, that is). I can't quite recall what exactly my high school yelled during the Mony Mony chorus (at dances). It was either "Hey hey better get laid, get f***ed!" OR "Hey motherf***ers, get laid get f****ed!" Probably the latter, because WHS was full of real baaaaadasses. I am really interested to know who exactly originated that callback. That guy (I'm tempted to say "...IS A GENIUS!!" but that might be slighty too lofty a commendation) was pretty rad, esp. when you consider what a national friggen PHENOMENON that morphed into. That dude is a cultural innovator on par with the guy who first publicly recommended a crowd to throw their hands in the air and wave them with apparent indifference (or somethin' like that, right???). By the way, Billy sang "Hey motherf***ers, get laid get f****ed!" when he did Mony Mony in concert. Also by the way, Mony Mony is probably my least favorite Idol song . Not because of the profanity issue (are you kidding?? I LOVE profanity!) I actually do like Mony Mony but less so, I think because it's a remake and not truly one of Billy's songs. I think White Wedding is the popular favorite, but if ya ask moi (and you would, because you so immensely value my opinion on all things arts & culture, don't you my dears??) nothing tops "Rebel Yell". I love, love,
LOVE that song. Awwww , YEAH puddin'!!

So, last Friday I bought (at Family Dollar) a cheap-o generic Magna Doodle (hey, what the hell, it was payday, ok?). and I hung it on a hook on my outside cubicle wall ( the wall facing the public, in the vicinity of my name plate) for people to leave me pictures or notes or whatever. You see, I prefer this to actually talking with my coworkers. My original intention was to wear this around my neck and be like Anthony Hopkins' Legends of the Fall character at the end of that flick. But the faux Magna-D was a bit unwieldy and clashed with a good deal of my wardrobe so I nixed that notion. Of course I'm kidding about my ill communication skills , not only am I content to converse with my officemates (usually) there are some days that I just CANNOT shut my yapper. But the Magna Doodle purchase is a historical fact and it does indeed hang where I toldja. I didn't want just a blank slate hangin' there, but I didn't know what message I wanted to put out there so I wrote a big "YOUR AD HERE". And Lisa(who may well be the corniest damn person in this galaxy ) then wrote beneath that: "1+3=4" Hardy freakin' har har. So I erased it and told her to quit being a dumb dumb loserface or something like that, and she asked me "Well whaddya want me to write?" And I requested that she write me a sonnet. Well the faux Magna-D is rather smallish and after a quick refresher course on what precisely constitutes a sonnet, I figure you probably can't fit one on there. A sonnet is 14 lines in iambic pentameter. Now, because I wish to be a fair diva, and not insanely demanding, I tried to write a sonnet. I wanted to see if I could and determine if I was being too hard on poor, corny Lisa. I say I "tried to" but I actually did produce a sonnet. It had all the basic sonnet criteria--14 lines, in iambic pentameter. It even rhymed (specifically, it had an ABAB CDCD EFEF GG rhyme scheme). I thought writing in iambic pentameter would be the tricky part, but once you do a stanza of it, the I.P. really just flows outta ya. No, the fatal flaw of my sonnet was not was how it devolved into melodramatic hokeyness when that was never my intent. I should not blame that on the sonnet format, since I ALWAYS (really, without fail. it's pathetic) fall prey to hokeyness whenever I attempt poetry. I should quit it for good....stick to semi-coherent, stream-of-consciousness blogging, eh?

Is there anyone else out there, besides moi, who has perused the grocery store produce department and mused: "Mesculin does NOT sound like healthy, leafy greens. It sounds like baaaad news illegal drugs that are quite possibly administered via filthy needle" No big plans for my weekend, beyond picking up my car tomorrow a.m. Yep, the ride has been tinkered with and is now again in primo condition (supposedly). I got the grand total when I talked to that nooganooch Tony on the phoney today. It wasn't as bad as I'd prepped myself for. So maybe I will go and see Clerks 2 this weekend after all (since I'm not, y'know, destitute) I just need to find somebody else who's jonesin' to see it.

Ciao for now, my little chickpeas!!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

MALAN?? NOOoooooo!!!

I watched the end of Project Runway last night looking as if I was watching "Saw" or something horrific like that. I was biting my bottom lip and half-shielding my eyes with my hands because I just KNEW they were going to boot Malan. I had really dug his audition samples and think he's got talent. Then during challenge 1 I had started to get the feeling that he might be my fave--when they were trashing their apartment, I found his prissiness really charming. Perhaps he came off snotty to some, but I appreciated his curmudgeonly Rex Harrison act, being all appalled at the barbarism ,and sort of establishing himself as the last bastian of civility in the group. I mean, in that "Lord of the Flies" type of situation, that would be me. And then, during challenge 2 I decided I really did like him. He worked so well with whats-her-name-snowboard-girlie. I know these shows are competitions but I'm never that impressed when the participants are too cutthroat or all headgamey (and yet, I do so love Santino. His Tim Gunn impersonation redeems everything) . Malan seemed to have this offputting, grandiose cockiness about his talent but at the same time he was respectful to his fellow designers.
Now I would not even try to defend that brown-gnarled up tree of a pageant gown he did. I concur that it was BARFY. But both Angela & Vincent were so obnoxious throughout the entire episode that I just wanted one ( or ideally, BOTH) of them ousted, regardless of how everybody's runway fashions turned out. Anyways, I've prattled on about this too much, but in summation, I was bummed to see Malan cut loose. Y'know, just like Robert is seeming a bit like another Nick (Season 2) I definitely see shades o' Daniel Franco in Malan. I hope that means he'll make a comeback in Season 4!!
I did a total lunch 180 today. I was going to just get a sammich but to go to Paneras for a sammy, I would've had to have turned left outta Benning St and I could see, as I approached the intersection, that that section of 12A was zoo-y (as per usual) so I chose to take a right outta Benning St instead--just to spare myself the traffic drama . I coulda gone to Subway turning right, but I did the Subway thang yesterday and I rather hate repeating myself. So I travelled on to Main St and spontaneously chose to grab take-out at Yama, which does Japanese & Korean food. I went there once, quite some time ago with Roxanne, and I vaguely remember liking it. Today I got the same thing that I had then -- the shrimp tempura lunch box. It was good and they give you a real buttload of eats. I mean, I couldn't put away the whole meal...and usually I can put away a good deal. The meal consists of : shrimp tempura, tempura veggies (peppers, eggplant, onions..) tossed salad, a salad of cold jelly-like noodles (which were my fave, as grody as that sounds) a veggie dumpling, 2 pc California roll sushi, a ball of sticky white rice, broccoli, cold zucchini in a spicy sauce, beansprout slaw, and miso soup. Of course those are all my layman's terms for the dishes, they all have a proper name I think. Like, I think maybe one of those sides was called "Kimchi" but DON'T quote me on that. (Y'know, if maybe you're writing a newspaper article about my lunch experience or somethin') I'm having leftovers for din din. Maybe I was destined for Japanese cuisine today...the shirt I've got on has these ginormous winglike sleeves. I'm not exaggerating, kiddies, gimme a boat and a towline and I'm set for some parasailing! Anyways I've traditionally called this my "Mrs Roper shirt" in homage to that fictitious landlady's affinity for caftans. The shirt is styled just like a caftan just not long enough to be a full-on caftan (only shirt length). But it occurs to me today that the shirt sleeves have sort of a kimono feel to them as well. I still think I'll call this my Mrs Roper shirt. Actually when, on occasion, I wear this shirt, I prefer that people call me Mrs Roper. A li'l bit of roleplay fun, y'know. Anyways, speaking of exotic clothing, it's been FOREVER since I've browsed J Peterman's online catalog, and that's always good for a chortle ("dots the size of hummingbird hearts"). Before I go over there, here's your obscure birthday celeb du jour: CHARLIE KORSMO. Remember him? Kid from the Dick Tracy movie? He turns 28 today. But here's where things go from "Awww, yeah, 'The Kid' from Dick Tracy! I remember him!" nostalgic fuzzies to the surreal territory. But THEN, after Korsmo's last film (which was 1998's "Can't Hardly Wait") he did a bit of a career swithcherooski and, according to his IMDB bio he "currently serves as Deputy Domestic Policy Analyst for the House Republican Policy Committee of the U.S. House of Representatives." this is after graduating from MIT in 2000 with a degree in physics and doing a stint with the EPA in Washington. Wacky, wacky stuff...
I'll conclude this post with a Linda Richman style conversation prompt:
SWEETBREADS......neithah sweet nor bread. Tawk amongst yaselves...

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Oh you, Shitty-shitty Bang-bang, Shitty-shitty Bang-bang I HATE YOU..

I wouldn't say I've totally fallen out of love with my new car, but I am monumentally pissed at it right now. We've been together for just over one month and this is our first major falling out. Yesterday evening, when I left the office, I started up my car and the engine was all chuggy and I couldn't get the RPMs up. And I opted for the foolhardy course of action as I am wont to do-- and I tried to move the car anyways. I was able to back it up a ways-- about 5 or 6ft...just enough so that it was in the damn way of parking lot traffic. Then it sputtered and died. We (I say "we" after I made a pleading call to my Dad, who got there 20 min later w/ my bro in law in tow) soon found a blown 20 amp fuse...jetted over to Autozone (side note: this was my first visit to an Autozone.First impression? I was surprised at the amount of snacks they sell. Does that really pertain to auto supplies/ repair? I guess you could argue they could be for your vehicular num-num stash) and bought a pkg of new fuses. I immediately blew the new fuse when I tried to start my car again. My Dad therefore surmised that the fuel pump had crapped out. When it sputtered & died it did seem like an out-of-gas sputter & death (but I'd just recently filled it up) but how he so positively diagnosed the issue in just 10 or so min of nosing around the car...well, it's beyond me. He is just a whiz at troubleshooting. I try and throw possibilities out there, "Could it be, uhhh, like, the alternator??" but I'm so clearly just a poser. So, we pushed it into a parking space and I got a ride home. This morning I got a ride in to work with my bro-in-law. He was @ mi casa at 7am , even though that's damned early in my book, I think he went easy on me and is usually in here about a 1/2 hr before that. And oy vey, I did NOT sleep well last night. I made sure I got to bed early but I had this vehicle debacle on my mind (y'know timed like it was, right after my recent spending spree, it almost seems like God piping up with a persuasive argument for frugality & saving $$) plus the heat was a bitch. Seriously, my apartment was like the innermost ring of Hades hot. This morning I took a cool shower. Well, not ice cold but that fact still speaks volumes considering that I usually have my shower water hot enough to boil a friggen lobster.
First thing when I got in I called Plainfield Sales & Service (the seller of my fine auto) and left a message saying: "CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU GET IN" just like that too, I spoke in italic caps. The guy that I've dealt with over there is named Tony, a name which tempts me to affect, like a mafioso persona (San Corleone) and be all "Tony, problems have arisen with the auto you sold me. And when I gots problems, YOU have problems, my friend. You want to fix my car or you want that you should SLEEP WITH THE FISHES??" Not bad, right?? You can hear it... I am an undiscovered improv GENIUS!
After a pisser of an evening, Kathy Griffin made me chortle. She had some stand up special playing on Bravo...cripes she is all over that damn channel. Anyways, not only is she a funny chick, she seems like she would be cool to hang out with..kind of literate and catty. Although she could be entirely different offstage, I dunno... I guess I can understand Kara shelling out moolah to go see her in person...even if that was $$ that coulda been more virtuously spent saving Screech from homelessness.
I am enjoying a hearty b-fast of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (already consumed) coffee and blueberry yogurt w/ Grape Nuts. Coffee w/ blueberry yogurt is not an ideal mix but really, there was no other beverage concievable this a.m. I need at least a gallon of coffee to kick me up into operational gear this a.m...

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Got my mind on my money and mah money on my mind

OK, at present, I am a prime example of the possible negative effects of self restraint. I have been practical, frugal even (well, I've had to be) as of late. And then Saturday, just UNO day after payday, I have 1 simple errand and---BWWWAAA! My repressed spendlust 'splodes all over like a tube of Crest under a freight train. (Please forgive my shitty simile, the only other exploding thing that came to mind was Mr Creosote, and that was explosion due to self-indulgence and really the exact opposite of what I am describing here) In fact, my spendlust might have made an audible BWWAAAA sound when it broke free.
I went to Keene (I coulda shopped in nearby W Leb...but that place is such a g.d. zoo on the weekends, just the thought of taking on the strip on 12A made me wanna git the hell outta Dodge) with the mission of buying a bridal shower gift for my dear comrade Jilly. Well I did succeed in that mission...and then some. That modest "little somethin' for me" I'd promised myself (y'know it was like the parenthetical addendum to my mission "I am going to Keene shopping to pick up a gift for Jill's bridal shower (along with a leeeeeetle somethin'-somethin' for me)" Well somehow that li'l something multiplied, grew, and morphed into : Beaucoup booty!!
I am going to itemize beaucoup booty right here. Y'see even though I feel abit filthy and disgusted with myself right now, I am simultaneously very pleased with my new loot. It would be unfair to scorn the fine, fine merchandise simply because I have no self control. I do try and fight it but deep down I know that we are living in a material world and I am a material girl. I am torn between guilt and glee. Do you SEE now why I'm such an inactive homebody?? When I'm tucked away in my li'l hobbithole, I need not face the puzzling duality of my SOUL, and I can avoid these ethical quandaries that SO harsh my *&#@$ing mellow, man. Anyway, here is the master list-- because I'm revelling in my retail glories and because confession is good for the soul.....
FIRST STOP: Ocean State Job Lot-- This is in Walpole NH, on my way to Keene, and a damned worthwhile layover it was. I know, I know- OCEAN STATE JOB LOT- wtf kinda name for a store is that right??? If you've not visited one of these stores, it is (per the O.S.J.L. official website) a"discount chain specializing in manufacturers' closeout and overstock merchandise". I may be a retail addict, but I most definitely ain't no retail snob. I do enjoy a good high end merchant, yet I get a particular thrill from excavating for a find in a "bargain basement" atmosphere. Here are my top cheap-o haunts, ranked from most favoritist to least favorite:
1. Ocean State Job Lot
2. Christmas Tree Shoppes (I had written this in @ #1 but suddenly flashed back to every Christmas Tree Shoppe visit ever which was a frenzied, dangerous slice of anarchic bedlam-- merchandise breaking all over the place, shopping cart pile ups...anyways it was this chaotic atmosphere that got it demoted down to the numero dos slot)
3. Big Lots (a lot like #1 except they have no book section--MUCHO points deducted for no books)
4. Family Dollar
5. Dollar Tree (an actual dollar store. Yep, I AM that low-rent)
*4 Children's books
*An atlas
*a super gaudy unicorn keychain (purple & gold)
*4 cute vintage looking stuffed animals (specifically, they were "Dakin Dreampets" and I got a giraffe, a lamb, an aviator tiger, & a bulldog having previously {once upon a Big Lots} procured the turtle, the hippo, the French poodle, the donkey, the kangaroo, and a goat --the goat being the only 1 I kept for myself..I'm not a nuevo-Beanie baby collector or anything so horrid, people. I got nieces & nephew to spoil... They are pretty adorable and only 99cents a pop)
*2pkgs Post It notes
* an empty journal
* a silk scarf w/ houndstooth check pattern
* 2 sixpacks soda-- Polar Diet Cranberry and Polar Orange Dry (the plastic sixpack holders gave way when I was carrying it up to the checkout--dented cans rolling all over the g.d. place. Was my face red!!! You betcha...I had an unbecoming maroon glow radiating from me mug for about 15min afterwards)
*1 bag Utz brand cheese balls
* 1 jewelry set -- earrings and a necklace with clock pendant. *NOT* a Flava-Flav style clock pendant...instead, think more of a dainty pocket watch type thingy
*1 pair fake Crocs-- they are red and a smidge too big for me
SECOND STOP-- BORDERS-- Yeaaahhh, I have a Border's about 5min from my house but I just had to pop in to the Keene location, ostensibly to pick up a cute bridal shower card. Borders just has a hold on me, it's as simple as that. But hey-- at least I'm in the Borders Rewards club and if I spend $5 more this month, I earn a "personal shopping day". I don't exactly know what that entails, but it sounds right up my alley.
at Borders I bought:
*Book-- "Tomorrow they will Kiss" by Eduardo Santiago (
*Book-- "Broken Trail"-- this I bought because I was so smitten with the AMC movie (
* Book-(it was a $5.99 bargain book if that wins me any leniency!!) The Encyclopedia of Signs & Symbols
*CD -- "St Elsewhere" -- Gnarls Barkley (does THAT make me craaaaayzaay?)
...and--SHOCKER--not a single bridal shower card
THIRD STOP: Target--
*Post It notes (I know, I know, MORE sticky notes! But these have the words "Stay classy" on 'em and I could not pass that up)
*bridal shower card ----- --\
*fancyschmancy teal platter\ ..ALL for Ms Jilly...
*bubble wrap (for platter) --------- see? I can stay on task!!
*gift bag (for platter) /
*tissue paper (for platter) /
*Choxie chocolates
*strapless bra (tan)
and, post-shopping, at the Target (pron: Tar-zhay) cafe-
* 1 bottle blueberry tangerine flavored agua
* 1 all beef hotdog (with 2 packets mustard , 1/2 packet ketchup...but condiments were gratis, natch)
FOURTH STOP: K mart (in Claremont, on my way home)
* Jeans
* a tee shirt w/ Woody Woodpecker on it
* an adamantium infrastructured support garment for upcoming wedding
* a long raspberry colored skirt

Then while leaving Kmart I rang my sister and she was just across town at Sophie & Zeke's dining with friends, so instead of heading right home, I opted to crash their little soiree and I enjoyed a plate of mussels and glass of house Pinot Grigio whilest doing so. (the ideal follow up to an all-beef Target frankfurt, si?)
Anyways, I didn't even wait until the morning after to let the guilt set in (I am Catholic, after all). Saturday night I had dreams of shopping at Kmart and having my card declined. It was like the funhouse mirror warp,amplified emotions version of the situation, 'cause in the dream I was hit full force with a staggering realization of my utter destitution, and I got all panicky. In real life that has happened to me (though NOT at Kmart) and it sucks but not quite so melodramatically. Just another one of those instances where I get that swell beet red facial incandescence. Yay.

I've got one more shopping victory to gloat over--and yes, let's preface this by acknowledging that I am a thoroughly impractical, horribly materialistic spendthrift-- I got a SWEEEET deal on wedding shoes today. I was looking online and the cheapest ones on & Zappos that would work were like, $65. and I would never spend that on shoes. I'm particularly inclined to be stingy shelling out moolah for heels, since I wear them fairly rarely. I then thought to check and found a pair in just the perfect shade of pink for a mere 25 bucks. ($26.99 w/ shipping) . I'm going to have to wear heels more frequently in the coming weeks because these that I just snatched up today... 4" heels. Oy vey. Pray for my ankle strength, people. Say a novena to the patron saint of pageants, and ice skating, whatever you hafta do...I may need a miracle to stay vertical in these suckahs. But let's not lose sight of the crucial point here-- they's cute and I got a terrif deal!

Friday, July 14, 2006

Ooooooh Canadaaaaa! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command...

So last night we were mapping out vacation itinerary for our Canada trip 8/14-8/20. Yep, a holiday for the WHOOOLE fam damily, that be a party of 9. It's damned ambitious and maybe a bit old school, but mi madre y mi padre won't be able to do it forever, so we should continue the tradition while we still can, y'know. But speaking of mi padre...HE was the one to throw a wrench in the works. We'd been talking about vacationing on that week forever and suddenly last night, when we're actually getting down to the bidness of hotel bookings, my Dad busts out with "I've got this colonoscopy on the 18th and I don't think it can be rescheduled." Well, I took it like a champ, but I'll confess to you now that I was a smidge vexed. Asking my boss to move my vacation time makes me look all disorganized & flighty. Now, if I was an organized and nonflighty person, it would be of no concern to me if I was coming off all featherbrained. I would have historical precedents that prove otherwise. However, I tend to be pretty flighty & disorganized...although in this instance, it was not I that forgot about my apointment with the bum doctor. So with my less-than-stellar track record, it's important that I not let any bogus strikes against me slide uncontested (did that come out making any sense? I feel like I made that point very unclearly). So I had to email my boss to move my time off from 8/14--8/18 to 8/21--8/25. But as I was preparing to compose this email, I was tempted to tell Maggie (the bosslady) very explicitly what necessitates this reschedule ... "I am very sorry to inconvenience you with this sudden change, but my dotty old Dad forgot he had an appointment with the heiny doctor." That mighta worked in my favor actually-- it would've cleared me of any flightiness charges, plus Maggie might've promptly greenlighted the switch just to shut me up...lest I go into any more detail. OR, I shoulda made it a point to throw the word "colonoscopy" in there somewheres, as Maggie had just that procedure done last month, she mighta felt particularly sympathic toward me Pa....and thereby more inclined to accomodate. I ended up compromising-- blaming my father, but tactfully so ("a forgotten doctor's appointment"). But the change ended up being no problem whatsoever and bosslady okayed it, so all's well that ends well and I probably shouldn't have wasted so many characters, so much time type/griping about it.
Now I've been tossing around inscrutable medical jargon like "bum doctor" and "heiny doctor" when, of course, I mean PROCTOLOGIST. Now I'm not 100 % certain-- it is the proctologist that performs a colonoscopy, correct?? I had presumed so, because he is sort of the port authority for that end o' thangs (I say "he" like there's just one dude that does it, y'know, your friendly local proctologist. "Ooooh aaaa PROCTOLOGIST is a person in your neighborhood, in your neighborhood, in your neigh-bor-hood...") But maybe the proct. (I tire of typing out the whole damn word) just does low level ass maintenance like hemorrhoidectomies and the plucking of ingrown butt hairs... I 'spose I could do a little net research, read up on colonoscopies, but I dunno what sort of photos might besiege me if I do that. Methinks I won't risk it...

VT needs more bike paths. I say that, not because I'd use them, but because I'd like to be able to take a zippy drive down a country road, crest a hill, and not encounter some SPANDEXED ASS in the middle of my lane. And then once they've zigzagged VT with new bike paths they should promote usage of said paths by making it illegal for cyclists to do their thing on my roads. And I promise not to drive my car on their scenic bike paths! Sounds fair, right? Can you tell that these cyclists vex me? They are such a nuisance...I'm really surprised that more of 'em don't get mowed down.

I am convinced there is no finer smelling shampoo than original VO5. (And you thought all I did was watch TV. I also plan vacations, take country drives and, on occasion, shower) It's not all botanically pretentious or trying to assimulate the olfactory experience of your favorite dessert. It just smells like clean hair. And --oh, happy coincidence-- it also happens to be readily available at Family Dollar for 99cents a bottle. I should buy it all the time, but I don't. I'm thinking that if you use the same shampoo over and over your hair builds up an immunity to it and so that's why it's important to alternate or vary your shampoos (& conditioners). Y'know that just got told to me once upon a time, and though it's got no scientific basis that I know of, and I've no historical evidence to support the theory, it is so deeply etched into my noggin, that I am a staunch shampoo variator and I will be until somebody proves to me that I'm wrong.

Due to the latest go round of "I Love the 70s" and "Remedial Pop Culture for Brain Damaged Chimps Hour" (or, as VH1 insists on calling it, "The World Series of Pop Culture") I've been watching an inordinate amount of VH1 these days. That channel is very busy promoting their new crop of asinine reality shows. I am particularly (and inexplicably) fond of the promo touting Season 2 of "Flavor of Love" with these two hillbilly dudes in the woods with a cooler (not sure what they're up to in the woods w/ a cooler, looks as if they could be duck hunting, but I don't really know, somehow I ALWAYS miss the beginning of this thing) anyways, the portlier, seated hillbilly has an apparent Flava Flav fixation, he's donning the Viking helmet and clock about the neck and he ends the commercial by saying "I know what time it is...FLAYYYYVERRR FLAAAAYYYYV" And obviously, it's the delivery that so hy-friggen-sterical (as there's nothing exceptionally witty in that bit o' dialogue) It just cracks my
&*%#@ up, I dunno what it is. If I had my 'puter mojo working right now,I might figure out how to put an audio file on my blog, but I'm getting damned sleepy at present and plus I mastered how to set up my links sidebar the other day, so I probably used up my week's technowizardry quota with that endeavor.
Now, my enjoyment of that promo, IN NO WAY means that I endorse a Season 2 of "Flavor of Love". I was unpleasantly astounded that there was a Season 1 of "Flavor of Love". I just couldn't believe that there were 20+ women vying to be Flav's special made me feel ashamed for all womankind. Now there's another 20 or so eager to join the's gotta be a sign of the apocalypse or something.
Apparently the has-beens that get recruited for the Surreal Life get so hooked on that nearly forgotten nectar of public exposure that after their sentence in the SL house is up, they loiter around the VH1 HQ until some merciful exec throws 'em another bone. Flav had a show with Amazon mama Brigitte Nielsen--after their Surreal Life stint and before that "Flavor of Love" abomination hit the airwaves. Vince Neil had a show where, well I only saw one episode, but I believe the premise was you watched him get lipo and you watched his cute wife prattle on about how stoked she was for him to get lipo. And y'know, I actually got a smidge twitterpated when Adrian Curry & Chris Knight hooked up on the Surreal Life. But they couldn't just sweetly "ride off into the sunset" they had to hit us with My Fair Brady (working title: "No Kidding! We Hooked up & Now We Shackin' Up"). And now "My Fair Brady: We're Taking this Farce all the Way to the Altar!!" I'm fully expecting a Season 3 "My Fair Brady: Did you Think She was Pretend Banging Him? Well She Really Was and Now She Gots a Bun in the Oven!!" I'm afraid I don't have the knack for show titling...'spose I'm too verbose.
I'm just thankful (really really thankful) that Vern Troyer never got his own Surreal Life spin off. That SL season gave me such an INTENSE aversion to that grody Oompa Loompa. I mean, not that I was any kind of fan beforehand. They kind of overdid the mini me gag in Austin Powers Deux, but all the same, I was largely indifferent to the guy. But after being affronted by nightmarish scenes of him buzzing about all nakey on his Rascal scooter to find a nice spot in the corner of the work out room to piss in--well that kind of broke down my indifference. But even worse was after his misplaced piddling, they put the li'l troll to bed and he was making these UNGODLY moaning noises. Ewww, barf, it was horrid. The guy makes my skin even crawlier than Basedow does. Seems like they'd would jump at the chance to give a train wreck like that their own reality show . C'mon...he's sort of a pint size hairless Bonaduce... I'm pretty sure that someone o'er there in VH1land has at least pitched the idea...

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Flushed and feverish...

...that is what I'm feeling at the moment. Not that I'm sick, really, I'm just a damnable lightweight!! My sister peer pressured me into 2 (yep, you heard right..just TWO) biggie margaritas after dinner tonight and within a coupla minutes my cheeks is feelin' warmish and I looks all glowy like Rudolph's beezer. I've always been a rosy-cheeked imbiber, but I don't think it happened quite so fast back in my boozing glory days. I really hate to think I'm losing my skillz...
Speaking of drinking.... I started my day today with a Tab Energy drink. Amy, (a trainer in our office) has been chugging these daily...perhaps because it's soooo bloody exhausting trying to learn me anythang. I expressed some curiosity re: their effectiveness/flavor (I thought perhaps it was comparable to Red Bull, that most VILE of libations) and this morning she gave me one to try. It was very...I dunno. It probably woulda been better had I thoroughly chilled it rather than chugging it @ room temp. Just the same, I wouldn't call it gross ( it is definitely not as nasty as Red Bull!). I guess it's just unusual. I stand by my initial, immediate verdict, which was: "It tastes like flowers". Not that I am in the habit of eating flowers. When I graze in the meadows, I stick solely to grasses and weeds. But Tab Energy tastes a bit like flowers smell like and they taste exactly like Choward's Violet Mints, this bizarre-ass candy holdover from the early 30s that is actually intended to taste like violets.
I've bought Choward's, charmed by their old timey purple packaging. Hey, I'm a sucker for packaging...and apt to try any product at least once. But guess what, peoples??? Tastes every bit as shitty as you'd think it would!! Who the hell judged it a splendid notion to have a mint that tastes like a violet?? Or any flower variety, for that matter? Perhaps the sole mission of the candy was improved breath odor-- tastebuds be damned. More utilitarian item than confection, y'know. I mean, it did come out in the early 30s--it was Depression times, so it seems likely that the masses were less flavor-centric than folks are today. Probably many were eating real wildflowers (and they were THANKFUL, damn it!) Thus people developed a taste for the botanical...oh, I dunno....I know now though that I ought not blog when overtired and staying up to wait out my buzz.
You know for someone who is such a TV-addicted veg these days, I don't have my listings memorized like I oughtta. I missed the latest Last Comic Standing ep and am SUPREMELY PISSED OFF...

Brain Rrrrrrot

That's what I'm getting from watching so much tube. To make matters even worse, the novel I've now moved on to is pure literary junk food. I had picked up a big bag o' books at the Hartland Library Book Sale on July 4 (brief parenthetical aside: I LOOOVE me a library book sale. I got a gigundo stack of books for a grand total of $3.75 --it was GLORIOUS) and aside from some real literature (that Murdoch book for instance) I also chose a few historical romances. I CONFESS IT-- I READ TRASHY NOVELS!! I do find it eases my guilt if I've only paid a quarter for the thing. Maybe I will hit up every library book sale I get wind of this summer...maybe I should go on a library book sale tour of the entire northeastern US...well, honestly, the latter sounds a bit too ambitious an endeavor for my disposition, besides, I probably would not have enough room in my wee apartment for all the trashy novels I would accrue.
So I need a remote with a "RECALL 2" button. Surely there is such a button invented, but my own remote just has your basic "recall" button (a well-used recall button, at that). I use my recall button to toggle back and forth between 2 desirable programs, but oftentimes--like last night with I Love the 70s Vol2, Project Runway, & Rockstar Supernova-- there are 3 must-sees that need attending to.
Rockstar Supernova...I am having a far easier time picking out the weak links from that pack and am not so clear yet on who are my faves. They chose wisely last night by cutting Chris loose. Out of the three elimination night performers I say Jill completely redeemed herself, and Zayra (while she's not a good fit for the band and eventually must get the boot) has a better voice than Chris. I totally agree with what Dave Navarro said about Chris on the Tues episode-- he said (I'm paraphrasing somewhat) that he seemed like he won a raffle to get up on stage and front a really rockin' band...basically that he sings at the level of a very good novice. Chris was a gracious loser, I'll give him that. Oh, and he was fairly foxy. But TOBY, he's really, really fine and can actually sing. (I kinda wonder if the Supernova guys are thinking, as they consider choosing Toby: "Well, we ain't getting any younger, and we're all pretty skeezy fellahs, if we added this hunky guy who--BONUS-- has this Aussie accent..just imagine the primo sloppy seconds we can pick up!!") I think Toby might be my third fave, after Storm & Lukas (I dunno in what order they go though) and I DO like Phil's sound, even though he doesn't seem to be all that popular.

Well, as I said my brain is rotting...I imagine it's not quite Cream o' Wheat consistency yet, it's maybe at apple-you-left-in-your-hot-car-for-a-month stage. So that said, I'm having trouble composing an adequately lengthy (or substantial) post. I'm going to wrap it up here from now...maybe hit an oxygen bar (no doubt they have those in VT, right???) pop some gingko baloba w/ Tab Energy Drink chaser and reconvene my 7/13 post later on.... prolonged yammering to come... I promise!!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Always Regressing...

Nothing to report today really. Because yesterday’s pic to word ratio was waaaay unbalanced, I am going to try to correct that. It’s gonna be lotsa pics, limited yammering today. Well, lots o’ pics anyhow, and I’ll see if I can manage brevity (but as you can tell, it ain’t my strong suit).
I found a buttload of terrif Sesame Street album covers when I was digging up those Bob McGrath pics. I will now share my pretend Sesame Street album collection and see if can coax y’all into regressing along with me…

Perhaps this album was intended to dispel rumors of anything, err, more than platonic blooming betwixt Oscar and Biggie. Y’know I’d heard the horrible (and UNTRUE) Bert & Ernie rumors, but never heard a word about a possible Oscar/ Big Bird romance. Guess this album did its job, eh??

Well, I blew this image up to 200% but you still can’t read it. Just above Roosevelt Franklin’s amazing Technicolor name it reads “The Year of”. This album was released in 1971, which, I had mistakenly thought was the year of the Pig. Myself, I was born in the year of Prairie Dawn.

I haven't heard this album >>>>>>

but I feel certain that I will like this better than Tesla's "Signs". That song really makes me wanna yarf.

I’ll save you the trouble of tracking down yer bifocals here, the speech bubble reads : “I am so PROUD!” Doesn’t sound all that much like Blues lyrics to me. I can only conclude, then, that they’re trying to be punny on account of Grover’s fur hue. It’s pretty @#$%^ing asinine of them, and I think my fave Sesame Streeter deserves better!

The king in the bushes appears to be naked. No wonder Big Bird looks so surprised!!

I know Miss Cleo was exposed as a fraudulent psychic, but has she ever been brought to justice for stealing Cookie Monster’s disco gear? Personally, I would like to see her punished, but if Cookie’s over it, I guess I am too. On the positive side, I have almost exactly this same outfit…except I had put it in storage as a gesture of my contempt for Cleo. But now I think I’ll be able to think of the ensemble as an homage to Cookie Monster of yore. I’ll be able to don the feathery turban and cape with pride again.

Heck yes, the gang's all here! But sadly, one of the gang is UTTERLY SCHNOCKERED. Behold the signs: playing the piano with such overexaggerated gusto, googly eyes that are just a touch too googly. For the love of Jombie, it's a SHAMEFUL way to show up to a community sing-along!! I tell you, Ernie has a prob with the sauce that he tries to conceal with his constant joviality. Look at this album cover and just try to deny it!!!

Nothing flippant to say about this album (below) really. I just wish I owned it. Doesn't it look DELIGHTFUL?? So hey, if you've been jonesin' for an oddball Ebay quest and also in the mood to buy me something.....THE SEARCH IS OVER! You might also wanna pick me up a record player while you're at it....

Looks like we're delving into the psyche with this one...yikes!! What then, is this picture telling me? Bert tries to seem happy when, in actuality, he's quite upset. Ok, I get that. It's a little repressed, but understandable. Quite rooted in human nature, y'know. Conversely,we have Ernie--trying to appear miserable when really he's...ecstatic?? WTF? The chap is either confused or he's being manipulative here. Could be both. That Ernie has got some deep seated issues and he is trying to self medicate with booze (eg: The Gang's All Here) and bath toys.

The only album in the discography put out by Ktel, and one need hardly check the album details to discern that. Ktel, legendary pioneer of the music compilation, was also pretty slick with their cover art . Foxy!!!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Mecka Lecka Hi Mecka Hiney Ho

If you quickly identified the titular quote there (huhhuhhuuh..I said "titular") you may also be hip to the jive that Peewee's Playhouse is now rerunning as part of Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim" line-up. You may even be pleased about this development. I am so inordinately stoked about this though, that....well, it is clearly an indication of how deeply dysfunctional a being I am. Oh, but I cannot let myself delve into that, not here and now, lest I swiftly grow inconsolable and then there'll be no good blogging to be had, eh?

So yeah, even though I do wish I had a scrap of a social life (WISH? Did somebody say WISH?) I find it prudent to spend me weeknights home and vegetating. I mean, not only does it expend energy to maintain a social life (and my energy reserves are SO low, so dwindling, that I deem it wise to just leave them be until I really need it to clean & jerk a Buick off a toddler, should- Heaven forfend-- that situation arise) (SHIT! These parenthetical tangents really raise hell with my narrative flow, g-damn it!!) Anyhow, (to recap) social lives require a bit of effort & energy (Sandra's energy reserves=LOW) and let's not forget that it takes $$$ just to set foot outta the damn house (Sandra's moolah reserves= NONEXISTENT. Don't fret, my pets-- come this Fri I will be back in least for a coupla days anyway)

So yeah, I mostly watched tube last night. I specify "mostly" because I did finish up the novel I was writing. Ha ha ha, no--READING. Psych! (I've not gotten all ambitious behind yer backs!) I was just reading a book, namely, Iris Murdoch's "A Severed Head". It's a good read, I heartily recommend it. But I shall not "riff" on that further ( well, nothing to riff on was some heavy shit, man).

After closing up aforementioned novel, I tuned into VH1's "I Love the 70s Vol 2". I had known it was going to be on, but forgotten the fact, so I was pleasantly surprised when I happened upon it while surfing. Pleasantly, I say, because-- you know what ? I DO love the 70s! I really, really do! Sure, sure, I was only existent for 3 years of the 70s, but I'll thank you not to be all sanctimoniously pointing that out. I may be good at hiding it, but I AM wise beyond my years. (I am easily as smart as your average 32 yr old)

Nothing earth shattering to rehash from the '70/'71 installments. EXCEPT for the midi. I took umbrage at the "panel's" criticism of the midi-skirt. I didn't know there even was such a fashion term (shocking, since I am such a 70s fashion afficionado--see my sophomore post, homeys...) but apparently, any skirt falling just below the knee to mid-shin range is classified a "midi". And not only do modern celebs dislike the midi.... I learned last night that in the early 70s there was a rather vocal sect of Women's (Womyn's??) Libbers that protested the midi. Sounds stupid, I know. But when one is outspoken & opinionated, one needs a CAUSE to devote oneself to. Oh, and by '71, war protest was just sooooo tritely passe, was it not?? Those protesters were indeed stupid-- below knee to mid-shin is just a LOVELY range for a hemline. Why, Diana Prince is fond of a midi (and y'all know how I judge her sense of style!). Furthermore, if any hemline merits derision, I'd say it's the ankle-length.

On the whole, I enjoyed the program ("program" makes it sound all PBS-ish, eh?) and it was a delight to see Dawber from "Coach" back on my TV screen. And great to see him not in the context of that barfy sitcom. I liked Dawber, but couldn't stand "Coach" (which, inexplicably, ran for 900+ seasons) Come to think of it, I've always dug Craig T. Nelson too (also inexplicable, that) so I dunno what exactly gave "Coach" its suck factor. Could be my own aversion to most things sports-related, but truly, I suspect 'twas that HAG Christine that dragged the show down.

Also on I Love the 70s VII's kitschy Q-list celebrity roster: CHARO!! She hasn't changed one little bit since her days as a professional "Love Boat" guest star. Not a smidgeon! It's eerie-- she's either has some major surgical help there, or she's an ALIEN! Who the hell knows? Could it be that "Coochie, coochie!" is some extraterrestrial verbal tic, much like the "yep yep yep AWWW HAAA AWHAAA" that the Sesame Street Martians could not suppress?? Oh, and speaking of Sesame Street, today is Bob's birthday!!! But more on that later...

Also on VH1 last night was the "World Series of Pop Culture". Gimme a break!! For a "world series" they sure had some wicked easy-peasy softball questions. I couldn't watch very much of that. Though the host I found charming in a nice, understated way, all the contestants vexed the hell outta me. Ok, I 'fess--I'm just bitter. These morons are on their way to big money (no Whammies!) and if only Kara & I had found us a teammate we really coulda kicked some ARRRRSE!!

So, I capped off my TV coma with a 1/2 hour of Peewee's Playhouse. I didn't realize it was one I'd seen until near the end--snack time-- when Randy ruin's Peewee's "ice cream soup". He descends from the ceiling, snidely calling the pterodactyl "PUH-terry" and pumps waaaay too much chocolate syrup into Peewee's ice cream soup and PW proceeds to have an absolute friggen conniption! Great stuff. Man, I love that Randy. And Peewee-- y'know, I don't care if he was later exposed as a Grade A perv-- he was (still is) the cat's jammies in my book. Peewee's Big Adventure is a CLASSIC (let us disregard that unfortunate sequel, shall we?) And I loooved that show. I wonder who kept Conky after the show wrapped?? And how did Conky work exactly? I KNOW he wasn't an honest-to-goodness robot, but I don't think that was a midget in a Conky suit either. Oh, and last night's secret word was "DOOR",in case you wuz wonderin'.

Kid's programming today sure lacks the brilliant unapologetic goofiness it had in my day. And, as everyone knows, Sesame Street will never again be as glorious as it was pre-1984. Awwwww, YEAH! I toldja I was gonna bring it back around to Bob's birthday and still that smoothass segue ambushed you like a damn Ninja!! So, anyways, Bob McGrath was born July 11, 1933.

I had to click on IMDB's "all birthdays..." link to discover this, while other birthday celebs like Sela Ward (yawn) Michael Rosenbaum (bald baddie from Smallville) & Justin Chambers (some dude on Gray's Anatomy) are featured on IMDB's "front page". It's a DAMN shame. I acutely feel the injustice here. Et vous? Well, you're on my front page anyways, Bob. Happy birthday! Hey look at this guy....can you believe he is 73 today?? I think he and Charo have the same doc...

Well I AM at work, so probably I should attempt some semblance of productivity. My post is ended. Long live Jombie!!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Manic Monday

Oy. It's that time of week again. Please forgive me for disputing The Wisdom Of THE BANGLES, but I must proclaim that "manic" is probably one of the worst adjectives to use to describe Mondays.
man·ic (mnk)
adj. Psychiatry
Relating to, affected by, or resembling mania.
ma·ni·a (mn-, mny)
1. An excessively intense enthusiasm, interest, or desire; a craze

When my alarm goes off Mon a.m. and I have to drag my sad arse into this's not exactly an "excessively intense enthusiasm" that's coursing through my veins. But I get it-- Suzie Hoffs is no Bob Dylan (personally I don't care for Bob Dylan, but he's supposed to be a good songwriter, yes?) and "Manic" gives you that terrif alliteration effect. "Monotonous Monday" mighta been closer to the truth, but doesn't work syllabically. Anyways, was feeling such a LACK of mania this a.m. that I slept right through our customary Monday morning departmental meeting. I didn't even attempt an explanation, I don't think I have it in me right now to fake like I didn't mean to...

Thanks to the In2TV web site I was able to achieve a truly impressive bit of multitasking the other night. I was browsing around the internet whilest watching an old episode of "Wonder Woman" Well I was impressed anyhow. It was one of those moments where you feel you are living out your 1950s ancestors' dream of 21st century space-age technology. So maybe we don't have the flying cars and robot maids just yet, but watching Wonder Woman and shopping on simultaneously? That's still pretty damned impressive! Surely we are right on the verge of realizing the Jetsonian vision!!

In this Wonder Woman episode, Martin Mull played this corrupt rock star with a devoted legion of young lady fans that he had mesmerized/hypnotized WITH MAGIC FLUTE PLAYING into committing robberies. Perhaps the writing staff were acknowledging here what outlandish territory they were stuck in (and those writers were always stuck with outlandish was par for Wonder Woman course) and thought if they were even crazier, over-the-toppier, more ridiculous with their casting (Martin Mull as a rock idol? Hola Senor McFly??) that folks would get that they were being cute. On the other hand, these are the people that pegged Lyle Waggoner for a viable sex symbol soooo....maybe they are completely in earnest.
On an aesthetic note, the old WW episode moved me to muse over the Jeckyl & Hyde nature of 70s fashion. I mean, for men, it was polyestered Leisure Suit Hell, possibly the blackest fashion era since the powdered wig days. Conversely there was a lot of rad stuff going on in women's fashion-- think gold, and Halston, Studio 54. Also I'm a big fan of the softly sophisticated administrative professional vibe that Diana Prince had going on in her wardrobe. Examples--

On the left (although its not full-length shot) we have your basic shirt dress...a very plain style, but Di makes it look sharp, does she not? This photo on the right shows how if you're super pretty (ie: Lynda Carter circa 1977) you can pull off anything...GINORMOUS windshield-like glasses, for instance. Also, in this shot she is sporting the hairdo that best suits this 70s Soft Admin. Professional Style. So there you have it...Diana Prince is one of my personal fashion icons. Y'know, I've never actually contemplated who my personal fashion icons are and amassed an actual list. But consider this here the start of such a list. #1..DIANA PRINCE
Which is not to say that Wonder Woman is not a fashion icon....but she's a fashion icon for Amazonions ONLY (possibly drag queens too) The average Jane should NOT try and duplicate that look...

Friday, July 07, 2006

inaugural blog

Once upon a time...I had a blog, and I neglected it, and allowed it to rot or get stale or develop whatever sort of ruin neglected blogs incur. I was going to pick up where I left off (autumn of '03, is when I left off I think) but I was reviewing the stuff from said blog and it was all really maudlin, soul searching stuff. I guess maybe I was journalling--Doogie Howser style? I dunno. It was probably therapeutic for me to purge all that dreck out, but oy! It was not fit for public consumption! A'right, a'right enough exposition stuff, I shall henceforth make with the promised trivial yammering...
I am always a smidge vexed when my TV /vegetation time is interrupted by any sort of fitness related commercial (diet plans, exercise equipment, etc etc) Slim Goodbody I'm not (I didn't make up that name, btw, kids. There IS such a guy) but it's kind of a low blow to address the issue when I'm in full-blown sloth mode, up to my elbows in a Doritos bag, y'know? So, my point--I dislike fitness advertising in general. However, in my mind there is a clear worst of the worst in that particular crop of crap. And the very worst would be any commercial featuring. . . .

I don't need to caption the photo...y'all know who this abomination is. Like the insipid FMS theme song tells ya "He's John Basedow..." Yeeeeah, those Fitness Made Simple commercials are the very horriblest of the lot. The only reason I mention it here is because...I can't exactly pinpoint why. I mean, I know it's Basedow that makes them particularly nightmarish...without him in them, they'd still be bad, but in a bland, forgettable way. There is something about this dude that makes my skin crawl. Problem is, I cannot articulate what renders him thus (skin crawl inducing). I don't like not being able to articulate something, having to be vague. But all I can definitively say about Basedow is that he emits some very unnerving je ne sais quoi and his head looks like it was Photo Shopped onto his body. I need someone to pitch in and explicate here on why this here guy is disturbing. Because if somebody out there can't do it...I'm going to have to diagnose meself with a bona fide phobia (a new rare one-- can't call it Basedowphobia because, well, EVERYBODY knows that a bona fide phobia's name has to have its basis in Latin. So yeah, help me by demystifying the creepy je ne sais quoi OR by volunteering some Latin know-how )
One final, unrelated kvetch before I leave y'all. I am consumed with wanting to possess Led Zeppelin's "Heartbreaker" & "Living Loving Maid" but I don't want to buy the Led Zeppelin II CD. I already have Houses of the Holy and I've got 2 greatest hits CDs "Early Days" and "Latter Days" . I don't want to buy yet another LZ CD, it kind of irks me now how incomprehensive the "Early Days" & "Latter Days" compilations are (although it never occurred to me when I bought them) not only do they lack the 2 songs in question but they also don't include "Over the Hills and Far Away" which is my all-time fave and why I had to steal "Houses of the Holy" from my sister. There's the option of a complete boxed set, but I'm not enough of a spendthrift to go that route (the Led Zep box is over $100 last time I checked!) So I chose to download ...problem being, I can't find these songs anywhere online. I first tried Puretracks--due to how super user friendly that site is, it's become my online music purveyor of choice. After I had no luck there, I tried Napster. I was APPALLED to find there is no Led Zep to be found ANYWHERE on Napster. What kind of bushwa is that?? Instead they proffer Dread Zeppelin, some "tribute band". THAT DOES NOT CUT THE MUSICAL MUSTARD, NAPSTER BIG KAHUNAS! I REMAIN UNAPPEASED! I also checked Yahoo music and AOL music and came up empty handed. I had wanted to procure these tunes LEGALLY, but the more I fail in my quest and get frustrated, the less I give a rat's arse if I stoop to musical piracy or not.
Okay my homedonkeys, time for me to jet....