Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Yoooooou know what day it is kids....

Happy National Gorilla Suit Day! YAAAAAAAY!

Oh yes... and happy 7th b-day to my nephew Seth too!!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

funky dreams

Apparently my TV time is being over-saturated with ads for Catch and Release , because last night I had a dream starring Jennifer Garner and Timothy Olyphant. I don't recall the premise of the dream exactly but at one point they were riding a tandem bike. I certainly don't mind Timothy O invading my dreams, but Jennifer Garner can bugger off. She is the sole reason for my avoiding that movie. Well, I generally don't bother to see rom-coms in the theater, but if Catch and Release had a different female lead, I very likely mighta rented it. I don't know what about Garner irks me so...she has that sorta gawky Everygal element that I've admired in other actresses, but she's just too...too...I dunno, dimpled and prim for my liking. I swear, it's NOT because she bagged Affleck (I'm more of a Damon gal). But even though I find Garner inexplicably offputting I hope the film does well, as I've liked Timothy Olyphant for a long time. If Catch & Release succeeds, he might get some more leading roles. I'm just hoping that the next time he shows up in my dreams, he's assuming the role he had in the movie Go. That's where I loved him best: Santa hat, shirtless, dealing drugs.

Is it just me, or does Timothy Olyphant have sort of a Josh Duhamel (from TV's "Las Vegas" aka boyfriend of that uber-tramp Fergie-ferg) look about him? Or maybe it's that Josh Duhamel has a Timothy Olyphant look about him. I don't know... I think I could be just going bonkers, because every time I'm struck by a celeb resemblance, and I look for pics on the 'net to corroborate my observation... I can't find any pics of the 2 people looking similar. Take for example, my brilliant Sheffer-Boreanaz theorem from a post last month...
So this time, I'm just gonna throw it out there and not give you any visual aid...

I made homemade soup last night (Tues night last night , not Mon night that I had my Catch & Release dream) It's kind of ehhhh (having it for lunch right now). It's not very tasty but I don't HATE it either. It resides in a sad sort of limbo state--just south of "good" but quite a bit north of "grody". I am going to eat this whole bowl though, because I put a lot of healthy junk in it. That was my primary goal-- to cook up something nutritious. It woulda been a bonus if it had been nutritious and tasty. But like I's not heinous.

To make up for my lack of pics in this post thus far, here is a visual itemization of what is in my soup--


Goya brand sm. white beans & split peas




white pearl onions


vegetable broth

(actually same brand as center box in photo)



and sundry herbs & spices

Monday, January 29, 2007

tell me why I don't like Mondays...

On a Monday 28 years ago...

Well, I'm not gonna even recap the event, I'll just share the link. Because if I actually typed about it, then I would be someone who writes about the bleak and twisted. I don't want to come off as suspect like that. But I confess...I was doing my periodical "on this day in history" check and came across this story. And it very famously happened on a Monday. And Jan 29 of this year is also a happens every few years or so...but that li'l coincidence was enough to compell me to read the article on it. Then , I was kinda intrigued...against my better judgement. I did some 'net research, read a bit more. Needless to say, it was a horrifying incident...but it was the confession rather than the actual crime that makes this one striking. I mean, the natural response to any kind of atrocity like this is to ponder the motive...and , "I don't like Mondays"?? And she didn't come out with any alternate motives until 26 years after the fact, so I'm inclined to buy her original explanation... which is just astonishingly nonchalant. If she isn't a total sociopath, than she must be somehow retarded (sorry, not the preferred terminology, I know).

Don't look at me like that. These things catch my fancy from time to time, but truly, anyone who knows me knows I'm really NOT one of those true-crime reading, macabre-minded sketchy weirdo-types. Hey, the story must've intrigued Bob Geldof if he wrote a song about it. And I'll remind you he also co-wrote "Do They Know it's Christmas?" (about feeding the know the one) and he is second only to Bono in the leagues of philanthropic famous Irish guys. All of which corroborates my hypothesis: pondering dark stuff DOES NOT necessarily make you dark & weird. I need to know how to type one of those nerdy math "does not equal " signs...the "=" with a slash through it. THAT woulda been a really concise and professional way to state my hypothesis. Daaaaang.

Okay from horror stories to the land of fairy tales....
This item also caught my attention today (last item on the page/ re: Becks). My first thought was...what will David-Beckham-as-Prince-Charming hair look like? I don't imagine he'll be doing corn rows or a faux-hawk for this photo shoot. The other thing that amused me was Annie Liebovitz being quoted as saying:
"Saving Sleeping Beauty came natural to him.
He's a determined actor, and he became the Prince when
he got on that white horse. He was serious about it."
And then, when you check elsewhere on IMDB...and check Beck's "filmography" there's about a hundred instances of him playing..."Himself". Maybe he's intending to be a determined actor but thus far he's not showed all that much range. I confess though, if D-Beck does get into tha movies, I would be curious to see his acting debut. Probably would be paying more attention to his pecs than his " range" though...

Friday, January 26, 2007

and the snot keeps a-flowin'

Yeeeeha. I feel even worse today. I don't think I can muster up any wit or insight but I thought I oughtta post just the same.

Here--check this compelling saga's probably been circulating forever but I just happened upon it on Wednesday. You must watch all 5 episodes (I COMMAND you!!)

Thursday, January 25, 2007

a shitty juicy saucy Thursday

In looking back on my day, I can divide into 3 elements: shit, juice, & sauce. I do hope tomorrow will be less messy.

Juice-- Even though I did enjoy a glass of cranberry juice this evening, what I really meant by "juice" is sweat & snot. I just didn't want too get to bodily fluidish on y'all right from the outset. I know that Old Man Winter is finally begun his reign over my part of the country, but my office seems to have overreacted to the dropping temps. I swear the thermostat in the office was up to 96 today!!! I felt like I was melllllllting. My eyeballs and eyelids in particular felt EXTREMELY perspirational. Honestly, I am amazed that I didn't have any mystical Navajo daydreams, of the sort that are suppose to beset you when you hole up in a sweat lodge. As if a marinade of my own sweat was not enough, I also had a drippy, sneezy beezer today. Yeeeeaah. Bonus. And work was maaaad busy. And THEN one of the trainers who was leaving to go back to Texas comes around snapping photos to share with the gang back home. AAAAGH!! So there I was mouth-breathing and slack-jawed with my hair all staticky flyaway, lips cracked like ancient pleather, and where my head wasn't chapped and flaky, it was glistening with sweat, with the tiny exception of the outer perimeter of my nostrils which were glistening with snot instead. I managed a face that was 1/4 forced smile and 3/4 roiling hatred and I said "Oh, be sure to zoom in and catch the rivulets of snot streaming from my nose!" I wonder what sort of impression that photo is going to make on my Texan comrades. Ha. Like I give a shit.
Which brings me to my next element du jour...
Shit-- At the end of an overall shitty day, I had to come up to my sister's to babysit. Which really wasn't too bad. The kids were fairly well behaved, or at least, I've certainly seen 'em brattier. But Lucy had the WORRRRRST diaper. I should feel sorry for her rather than whine about my having to change it, since the poor muffin is sick, but UUUUGH. It was this highly toxic, extremely PUNGENT, swampy liquid. Yellowish green. Probably if I'd smelled it full force without my thick snot buffer I woulda heaved.
Sauce-- The saucy part of my day was good. We've always provided breakfast & lunch for our salesguys & distributors that come here for training. Recently we've switched caterers, and from what I've sampled thus far, it was a stellar upgrade (these guys make great whoopie pies!!) Anyways they had a lunch for all 20 trainees delivered yesterday but they wrapped up class early & most of the guys had left. So it was free chicken parm & garlic bread , free 20 oz sodas for me & my comrades. Lisa thought the sauce was too sweet but I thought it was excellent.. . Seems pretty pitiful that was unequivocably THE highlight of my day, but yep, that was it.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007


This is a favorite quote of mine from the incomparable Poseidon Adventure (the 1972 version...I cannot bring myself to watch the recent remake) and it's when Mike Rogo yells --with mucho horror and anguish--to his ex-whore of a wife who has just fallen to her certain & fiery death. It's a great cinematic yell, and it was performed by none other than ERNEST BORGNINE...who turns 90 today. I could not fathom it either...he doesn't look a day over 70, that Ernie.

Here is some Ernest Borgnine trivia to gnosh on today--

*birth name Ermes Effron Borgnino
*He was the first ever center square in the original version of the television game show Hollywood Squares
*He was married to ETHEL MERMAN for about a month in 1964 (this was the third of his five marriages)
*in 1996, Borgnine toured the U.S. in a bus to meet his fans & see the country. The trip was the subject of a 1997 documentary," Ernest Borgnine on the Bus" (not an overly inventive title, I don't think)

Anyways, on a personal note, it was Borgnine's guest starring role in the 1974 season of Little House on the Prairie that has long resonated with me. The episode was a two-parter called "The Lord is my Shepherd" and it's when Laura thinks her bad thoughts somehow killed her sick baby bro and she runs away to the mountain to talk to God. And on that mountain she meets mysterious mountain man "Johnathan" (Borgnine) who is very kind and generous with sage advice and his porridge. Good stuff. No doubt you've caught in syndication at least once...

I was going to finish up a half-written post from Monday where I was recapping my somewhat ho-hum weekend, but I thought Ernie Borgnine's NINETIETH was an infinitely more interesting read so I scrapped that draft and here you have this.

I don't think I'll be able to find "Ernest Borgnine on the Bus" on such short notice, so maybe tonight I'll watch the Special Edition Poseidon Adventure DVD that I picked up recently at Best Buy (had a gift cert from Christmas to burn up). Wednesday night TV is pretty lameass.

Oh, and speaking of TV, I am rather peeved with the PBS people. I made damn sure to tune in to Masterpiece Theatre this past Sunday night to watch Jane Eyre. Well, that was only part 1 of Jane Eyre. I presumed that Part 2 was on Monday night...NOT SO. It is the Masterpiece Theatre way to show one half of a compelling production and then LEAVE YOU HANGING FOR A WHOLE WEEK. That's right-- Eyre doesn't air (ha ha ha) again until Sunday, Jan 28!!! I am most put out!!

I got to reading somethin-er-other today that led me to read up on wikipedia about MAD magazine history. Oh, oh, oh, yeah ...I remember... I read that Jan 31 is National Gorilla Suit Day. Now this is a lesser known movement started up in the comics of Don Martin, who was a very big part of the MAD staff until the late 80s. Hence my reading up on MAD mag. I used to buy MAD all the time until about '92 or '93 I weened myself offa it. And now, today, suddenly I have a strong (possibly nostalgia-rooted) compulsion to rush out and buy a MAD magazine. I do intend to write tomorrow ( sorry for the lapse, by the way) at which point I will let y'all know if I bought the rag and if it was/ wasn't $$$ well spent.

Until then, dearies!!!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Rad pix

I decided to re-do my computer desktop this afternoon (as I periodically do) and in that effort I stumbled across this , which is a terrific source for some retro eye candy...particularly old children's books illustrations if you like that kinda thang. For instance...

on the telly...

On today's lunch menu- leftover garlic fried rice and moo shi pork. I swear the moo shi pork is ALWAYS better the day after. Well, that is true of moo shi anything, really. And it tastes a 1000 times better than it looks, I assure you. It's quite tasty but unfortunately it looks like the toxic dredgings from the bottom of a swamp. The garlic fried rice is perfectly lovely though methinks it would be improved if it had scrambly egg bits in it. Overall, I give the lunch a 9. It gets big points on the utensil front... I have, at my desk, these plastic training chopsticks with a panda on them ...I am using them now...I love it when I get to bust these things out.

My entire head is chapped...I need some sort of neck-to-scalp Blistex product, not that there is such a thing. I look truly foul. Bleccch...

It's been a while since I've droned on about TV...I think I will do that, as last night's offerings gave me a lotta fodder. Heeeeere's what I watched...

The Office-- I looooved the prank on Andy and his violent overreaction. My curiosity is piqued about the "extended scenes"on (or is "director's cut" their official name for it??) I never really bother with those, but I may have to this week. I'd like to see a little more of the Jim-Karen chat about how Jim-bo is NOT over Pam. Good stuff...
Ugly Betty-- I had missed a coupla episodes of this show but I was glad to return to it and see that Salma Hayak was off. I HATED her character. Last night's episode was laugh-out-loud funny. The big Rebecca- Romjn- is- Daniel's- dead -brother- resurrected- &- sex- changed twist at the end (sorry, guess I shoulda proceded that with "spoiler alert" in bold caps somewhere) was hokey...they were showing their insane telenovella roots there. I don't know how I'm going to like that turn of the plot. I usually don't enjoy watching Rebecca Romjn in anything, except maybe in XMen movies where her skin's all blue. I think it's this intense, longstanding emotional tie I have with the race of Smurf beings (la, la, la, laalaa, laaaa..) that predisposes me to favor blue-hued folk.
Grey's Anatomy-- I really enjoyed the episode but it was sooo sad. Horribly sad. Maybe it woulda been too cliched & predictable for Callie to be Georgie's consoler at the end of the episode, but that's what I was hoping for anyways. Christina should've been in with Burke, thawing at least a smidgeon since he made the first mini-concession with his indirectly informing her of his no-tremor status (via Derek). Anyways, Christina was the WORST person to have out there with him!! What does she have to offer? "Welcome to the Dead Dads Club"? Huh??? Is that supposed to be cute? Comforting? Maybe she shoulda gone all-out and presented him with a badge or something...
Men in Trees-- I sense that only a dozen or so people nationwide actually tune in regularly for this show, so I will refrain from blathering on about it for too long. The storyline is particularly aggravating now though-- Hunky Eddie Bauer catalog model type, Jack has at last acknowledged that he's in love with Marin, and they're in this cute, twitterpated, burgeoning romance stage, BUT THEN his dippy ex returns to town (a haggard looking Justine Bateman) and so he drops M like a hot yam (or, if you prefer your metaphors on the traditional side, potato). You know, in a Blonde vs Brunette rivalry, I usually will root for the Veronica. But in this case I gotta side with poor Marin. I know the Anne Heche backstory (who doesn't) that she's very likely a mercenary heartbreaker of a faux lesbian with Margot Kidderish tendencies to boot, but NEVERTHELESS, she is very engaging in this show.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

where can you learn to fly, play in sports and skin dive, study oceanography??

I bought some tracks last night and whipped up a mix CD . Yeeeeesh, it pains me how quaint & old timey it comes off when I use the term "mix CD". It makes me feel old, old, OLD as well as frighteningly close to branding people as "young whippersnappers".

Anyways, thought that I would apprise you of what I bought/ burned...because, well frankly, slow news day here...

1.In the Navy (the Village People) -- Not only is this the title of Track 1 on my latest mix, but it is the answer to the action-packed query in my post subject line (according to the Village People) Can you really do ALL that shit in the Navy? Sounds terrif! Makes me wanna join up TODAY! This song cracks my shit up. It makes me think of pig Vikings because of the time they did this song on the Muppet show.
Oh, and verse 2, lines 4-6 particularly amuses : "Don't you hesitate/There is no need to wait/They're signing up new seamen fast" Yeah, I realize they're talking about SAILORS, but it never fails to disconcert when you hear that word in a Village People song.

2. So Whatcha Want? (the Beastie Boys) -- "I think I'm losing my mind this time, this time I'm losing my mind" I find that lyric the most catchy...resonant. It seems so familiar too... did that line originate with this song? As far as I know it did, but the Beastie Boys are such huge borrowers. I don't mean just sampling, but they are exceedingly handy with a pop culture reference too. That's probably a big part o' why I love them so...
3. Clap Hands (Beck) -- Saw Beck perform this on SNL and thought it was great...but it moved me to ask "why have I not heard this on the radio??" Mainstream radio can be so laaaaaame (insert exasperated sigh here )

4.Wind it Up (Gwen Stefani) -- Oh gawd...I am SO in favor of anything that incorporates The Sound of Music. In fact, I like naming things Georg (must pronounce :GAY-org--just like the Baroness said it) after that studly Cap'n Von Trappe. I'm only half kidding, here people, I do think the Sound of Music father was pretty handsome. By the way, I have the excellent Sound of Music soundtrack and "The Lonely Goatherd" is ,in my opinion, the best track of 'em all. I'd like to issue a challenge to Ms Gwen to see what she can do to sex up some of my other fave showtunes..."Who Will Buy?" from Oliver! might be interesting, and I've no doubt that she could rock "Shipoopi" from The Music Man.

5. Suspicious Minds (Elvis) -- Sing with me : "We're caught in a trap, I can't walk out, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOOOO MUCH BABY.." I'm not a big Elvis fan generally, but I really dig this one.
6. Sexy Back (Justin Timberlake) --- Awwww yeah, puddin'. And this is NOT the radio version...there is CUSSING in this one. I'd not heard it this way before but I like it. I like JT all "edgy" (relatively speaking) he's clearly way too edgy for Sunshine&Kittens Diaz.
7. Machinehead (Bush) -- my dear sister is notorious for never EVER knowing the name to a song she likes. Consequently I've become pretty handy with learning my lyrics, because she will often seek out my help in identifying songs. She will just re-title the song with whatever arbitrary lyric strikes her as the catchiest. Which is fine by her, until she wants to discuss the song, or buy it and then she'll rely on me for the actual title. I know there are online lyrics search engines that will do this work, but it's nice to feel needed, eh? Anyways, (short story long) I told Laura that I was downloading the "BREATH IN BREATH OUT BREATH IN" song and she knew instantly what I meant.
I didn't mean to put Gavin on the same mix as the Mrs (flukey coincidence, that) but there ya have it. I must say, I feel pretty certain that my love for hunky Gavin Rossdale predates Gwenny's but even so-- she's such a cool shit, I just can't bring myself to resent her.
8. Wolf Like Me (TV on the Radio) -- Bravo!!me mucho mucho gusto.
9. Happy Birthday (Altered Images) -- I'm always on the look out for birthday-themed tunes to serve as an alternative to the incredibly trite, played-out "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you..." This is a very good one. Lyrics are hard to make out (but they're all SCOTTISH, so they get a pass. I love my fellow Scots!) but it's a fun song nonetheless. It's the kind of happy New Wave tune that compels me to whirl about in a windmilly fashion.
10. Fergalicious (Fergie ) -- Rotten, evil, Fergie, thou wicked siren, Dutchess of the black arts, I want, with every fiber of my rational being to reject your harlot-warblings, BUT I CAN'T.
11. Hey Ladies! (Beastie Boys)

12. Banditos (the Refreshments)
-- this one's a smidge obscure, so I'll give you the Laura-title of the song : "Well give your ID card to the border guard/Yeah your alias says you’re Capt. Jean-Luc Picard"
13. The Globe (Big Audio Dynamite) -- Axis spins so round and round... . we go. I adore this song so much...even if it does induce sneezing fits.
14. Think I'm in Love (Beck) -- very sunny song. Some songs, to me, just very strongly evoke a specific backdrop. This song is a sunny day road trip song.
15. Natural Blues (Moby)
16. Say it Right (Nelly Furtado)
-- odd thing about this somehow reminds me of Laura Branigan's "Self Control"... maybe it's that I think that the faint "ay!" refrain in the background would mesh well with a background "WoooAHH-oHH! wOOOAAH-OH!" like they've got goin' on in "Self Control" Well, even without the "Wooooaah-OH"s, I enjoy the song muchly.
17. Tonight, Tonight (Smashing Pumpkins) --beautiful song, GORGEOUS video (have you seen this vid??)
18. Scarborough Fair (Simon & Garfunkel) -- I know, I know, I've taken a huge, unexpected turn here, shifting all the way back to the 60s, but I had to have this song. I really love it
19.Washington Square (the Village Stompers) -- another obscure gem, but this one I cannot label w/ a Laura-title because it's an instrumental. An oddball, Banjo-heavy , Ragtimey sort of instrumental from 1963
20. Via Con Me (Paolo Conte) -- this is a live version of the song, and generally I dislike live music when I'm not actually experiencing it live, but this is the only version I could find. So I took it. There's a lot of gibberish and incoherent Italian in this song...both things are big assets in my way of thinking (especially gibberish...I dig me some gibberish)
21. Let's Face the Music & Dance (Nat King Cole)-- The real popular version of this tune is sung by Fred Astaire but I don't like that one. Not because of Astaire's voice, that's fine, but I don't like the, I dunno, grainy distant sound of the's like you're listening to a phonograph or something. What I REALLY wanted was to find a rendition by Sinatra, but no dice. I found a Tony Bennett version, and usually I like him, but he put some kooky 60s instrumental arrangement to it that I didn't care for. Nat King Cole was a decent alternative though.
**Runners up(songs I bought, but couldn't fit on my CD)**
Where Or When (Frank Sinatra)-- found this when I was looking for "Let's Face the Music &Dance". I came close to also buying "The Way You Look Tonight" (my absolute fave Sinatra song) but I know that I've got that one on one of my Sinatra's Greatest Hits CDs , so that woulda been pretty frivolous of me.
Maneater (Nelly Furtado)-- After the breakout hit "I'm Like a Bird" sooo saturated the airwaves that I was driven to the brink of jamming an ice pick into my ear drums, I thought there was no possible way I'd like Nelly Furtado again. The fact that I currently do is a testament to what a hi-qual album "Loose " is. And y'know, now that I've discovered that I like the requisite 3 tracks off of "Loose" I coulda allowed myself to buy it, except that now I've downloaded those tracks so buying the actual CD now would be pretty frivolous of me.
Honey (Moby)
HONORABLE MENTIONS (aka songs I meant to buy but forgot to)
Black Horse & the Cherry Tree & Suddenly I See (both KT Tunstall)-- Oddly enough, I still dig these songs. I keep waiting to shift from liking to desensitized, to sick-to-death-of, and finally to rabid hatred, but it's not happening. I am mystified. My only theory is it's because I've given KT Tunstall the mucho leeway that I grant all my fellow Scots. Did you know that KT Tunstall is Scottish (y'see I've a directory of all famous Scottish folk)?? Did I mention my adoration of the Scots (and Irish...and Canucks... I'm a mongrel with a strong sense of nationalism)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


This is the pattern of the pants I am wearing today. They're new and I am rather smitten with them. I would like to buy 3 or 4 more pair of the same but I won't. 4 or 5 pair of herringbone pants in black & white (and I think it's primarily sold in black & white) would be just gratuitous...something you'd expect from someone who has Oprah money. I have CONSIDERABLY less moolah at my disposal. Now I could see the merit in buying several pairs of herringbone slacks ("pants" just doesn't sound elegant enough, I don't think) if I could collect a variety of colors. Why isn't there fuschia herringbone? Or green? I would snatch those f-ers up!!
Some things that I should have clarified before publicizing my chat transcript-- well, it was ALL pretty incoherent, but 2 points I thought might be particularly puzzling--
1.) 9 of Diamonds-- My card references have to do with coffee I'm getting out of the cafeteria vending machine. The vending machine java is dispensed in these hokey cardboard cups that say "Wildcard Poker" on them and on the side of the cup it gives you 5 cards, and then, hidden at the very bottom of the cup is your "Hole Card" whatever the hell that means. I don't play poker, and don't know what exactly a "hole card " is but I'm always stoked to see what my "hole card " is. Whenever it's a somethingorother of clubs (clubs are my fave suit) I take that as a good luck sign for the day (I tend to go in for signs/ omens...see my St. Christopher medal incident from Monday) Anyways, it is my longstanding custom to alert Laurel of my coffee cup hole card(s) du jour
Incidentally, here is an interesting bit on what the suits on playing cards mean. Very neat-o.
2) Ms. Safetydancepants, J-Beau, Bri-Jar etc etc-- These are all examples of my tendency to fabricate code names for people when I snipe about 'em behind their back. This is an extremely catty practice, dating back to late grade school, that I have every intention of perpetuating. And Ms Safetydancepants, by the way, is so dubbed that because she is the facility's safety coordinator and NOT because she such a tremendous Men Without Hats fan.
Speaking of nicknames, I am temporarily (probably just for this week ) "Cookie Wuss" . This is a deviation from the usual "Cookie Puss" that Lisa calls me. Many moons ago, I noticed, with some distaste, that she had taken to calling me "Cookie". And one morning, when I was feeling a little crabbish, I snapped at her: "DON'T call me Cookie!!" and she asked in return "Well then what should I call you?" And immediately I found I was regretting being so bitchy and thinking that yes, I would like a cutesy nickname (of my choosing) after all so I had to think fast. And because it is the title of an early Beastie Boys song, and the name of an adorably freaky Carvel creation, I came out with "Cookie Puss!" And it stuck. So usually Lisa calls me "Cookie Puss" or "CP" But then I guess Monday when I called to check in I let slip numerous times my angst over coming off like a "wuss". Hence the temporary handle. Sorry...that was a lotta exposition over a rather non-interesting topic. I'd rename myself "Cookie Blather-on-tediously Wuss" but that is, uhhh, less than catchy. What's the antonym of "catchy" anyway??
CONSUMER REPORT-- I took a consumer gamble the other day and bought an EXOTIC new gum flavor. It was Orbit brand and the mojito. In some rational part of my brain I was kicking myself for such a capricious purchase, but if you know yours truly, you are aware that I am INCAPABLE of resisting the allure of new product. Any new product. Seriously--I am like 1 of maybe a dozen saps nationwide that tried Blue Pepsi (like a melted blue freezie pop with a weee tiny bit of carbonation...blecccch) Anyways...I should not have been so quick to condemn my buy...MINT MOJITO ORBIT IS TERRIFIC!!! Sadly, I think it's too exotic a chewing gum concept for the masses. It will probably be yanked off shelves before March. I say--go out and buy a pallet-load at Costco now while you can.
In other experimental consumerism news-- tonight I bought a bag of Pringles SELECT---the Szechuan Barbecue variety. I applaud this foray into hi-falutin' gourmet territory (or as they put it "a unique taste escape") HOWEVER, I don't like how they ditched the signature cylindrical packaging. I'm not a huge Pringles fan overall, and usually the only reason I'd buy Pringles is for the tubular can (fewer crushed chippies, optimum resealability, & that prominent pic of that stone cold fox Mr Pringles) If I generally buy Pringles for their can, then why did I buy these bagged ones tonight, you might ask? Well, if you did ask you're not paying very close attention there, nimrod. A synopsis (in analogy format) new product is to moi as wicked warbling sirens are to stupid sailors of yore. Sheeesh, try and keep up, eh??

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

voyeuristic thrills

This is some chatter from this past Friday. I tried to email myself the screen caps and post them Fri night, but that email was over capacity and didn't go through. Anyways the discussion particularly amused me and I wanted to save it for all posterity. And I thought why not preserve it here, where I can offer a meager voyeuristic thrill to what elite few pass through this lonely forum. As always, last names have been obscured to protect the "innocent". Well, using "innocent" there is a smidge of a stretch, let us just say that I never post my last name and feel it right to extend my comrades the same protection against cyber Ted Bundys. I think it's all in the proper order....

Monday, January 15, 2007

I am Old Man Winter's bitch

I called in to work this morning. I didn't even bother with a vague untruth (ie:"I'm not feeling well") on my boss's voice mail. I simply said the roads around here were faaaar too treacherous and I wasn't going to risk it. Now I had known in advance that the weather was going to be messy, but the weather report I'd watched last night said the precipitation wasn't due to start until about 8am, which is a half an hour after I get in on Mondays. So I was fully intending to go. I got up on time, got ready & dressed. Now as I'm getting ready I could hear the freezing rain already tippy-tip-tapping on the roof. In a surge of anxiousness, I went to slip my St Christopher's medal over my head...and the chain snapped. Now this is a large linked chain, and the break was obviously reparable, in fact, I stood for nearly five minutes trying to re-link the thing, but with the long-ish acrylic talons I'd recently glued to me finger-ends, this task was utterly impossible. So I stuffed the necklace in my pocket and continued on my way. But I paused, outside, at my car. I stood with the sleet falling on my head and watched the traffic. It was craaaawling. The ground on which I stood was thickly encrusted with ice. These two factors were steadily upping my anxiety levels. It looked like I was going to have to take a pickaxe to my car to break it out of its frosty cocoon. And the thought in my head was, even though I did have the St Christopher's medal on my person...wasn't it an inauspicious sign that it broke in the first place?? Ultimately I decided yes, it was damned inauspicious and too ominous a portent for me to ignore. I went back in and rang my boss (and was pleased to be answered by her voice mail....I have not yet --knock wood--had to speak personally to the bosslady when calling in. Oh how I adore voicemail!!) left my quick message and then changed back into my jammies and went back to sleep. Until noon, at which point I got up and made crepes.

Mmmmmm crepes. I ate enough crepes to choke a mammoth. Had me a big crepe feed. I like that --crepe feed. Periodically, my dad and uncles will gather at camp outside of hunting season and just have a big meal of whatever game they've collectively killed enough of.. but it's not called a "meal" or a "feast", this somehow , origins unknown, is always called a "feed". As in, "Goin' up tah camp for a perch feed" or "Yeah, last time I saw Joe was at that venison feed we had in January" So I have adopted that for my own, everyday usage. It's 50%tribute to 50% mockery of my redneck roots.

So anyways after my crepe feed, I called the work 800# , ostensibly to see that they were getting along fine with out me. Now in all honesty, there could utter anarchy at work-- swarming locusts, wildebeest stampedes, marauding Visigoths--and if I am not there on that unfortunate day I really don't care one iota. What I actually wanted to hear when I called in was that half the department had begged offa work and that I wasn't the lone wuss. Well, I got Lisa, who reassured me that everything was running a-okay without me and EVERYONE ELSE WAS THERE. Right. Super. Thus rendering me the lone wuss. She was NOT being as reassuring as she thought she was, not reassuring at all actually. I was somewhat reassured by all the footage on the news of smashed up cars off the road, many of them off of I-91 (the very interstate I traverse to get to work). But still I feel like everybody thinks this could be my contrived way of getting MLK Day off. Especially after my considerable loud griping last Thurs or Fri about us not getting it off. But I really stayed home for the exact reason I said I was staying home. I was genuinely excessively nervous and the roads were truly dangerous (there is WPTZ News Channel 5 footage that backs me up on this point!) And still I feel like I come off all suspicious. I often find I'm more at ease when I'm lying to people. How perverse is that?

Whenever I hear the term "Old Man Winter" I start singing "Ol' Man River" from Showboat. Always in my head, and every now and then, aloud. If you watch weather reports on the news, you will invariably hear the term, as they try to punch up their schpiel with a smidge of creative writing and in those efforts they'll let fly the term "Old Man Winter" which, inexplicably seems much favored over "Jack Frost"
Anyways, I only know a small snippet of Ol' Man River, but it amuses me to sing that bit of it (substituting "winter" for "river" of course) and try to do an impossibly deep bass-baritone just like Paul Robeson did it.

I decided that I will soon buy the Wives & Daughters DVD (in keeping with my current BBC literary adaption /period romance flick kick) but I want to buy and read the book first. I did find this site , where I could read the whole thing online, but I just can't get into that idea. There's just something to be said for the tactile experience of reading a book and I dig the notion of "curling up with a good story" which is hard to actually, physically do if you're reading a title online. Still, I appreciate that there are these sites out there...handy if I wanted to quote Voltaire in my blog and didn't have a copy of "Candide" at the ready, something like that. Actually, I think I might read chapter one of Wives& Daughters online, just to make sure that it's not insufferably dull before I buy it. And so I gotta wrap up my current read "Lucky Jim". The book is kind of disappointing plot-wise (in that virtually NOTHING happens) but the main character (yep, the titular Jim) is engaging and very, very relatable. And it's a pretty shortish novel, so overall I guess I'd rate it worth a read. But as you know, if the outcome falls short of my idyllic expectations, well then I'm apt to completely rescind my recommendation. I'll let ya know... ..

Thursday, January 11, 2007


This is sort of an addendum to Monday's post --you know my big diatribe about glorious, wonderful veggies (sorry Kara!). Actually I was ruminating on how I really love cabbage, and I've been such an ace chef lately and therefore I should find more cabbage-inclusive recipes to try out. Combine this notion with my secret yearning to be British and we have me looking up bubble & squeak on the internet. I knows it's traditional English fare, and the primary component in it is cabbage. Sounds like an ideal endeavor por moi, does it not? I thought so...and then I found THIS PICTURE--

YEEEEEEEEESH... that gob on the left looks identical to something I mined out of my nose earlier today (a smidgeon larger maybe) . That gob on the left is bubble& squeak. That gives me pause. Just a pause, mind you, I am not fully deterred. I'm really not as squeamish as all that (I pick my nose, don't I??). Yes, I'm sure I would probably try it.

Oh speaking of being a booger-gnoshing littlest niecey Lucy has just picked up that rather icky habit. She's just two but has already realized the great comic potential of eating boogs (a real prodigy, I tell ya). I hate to think she's just doing it because she likes the flavor. Here's what makes me think she does it for laughs and/ or shock value-- when you catch sight of her doing it, and you yell something like "UGH! Don't DO that, you li'l hogger! Groooooss!" she flashes you a very impish grin and replies, "Yummy!!" Awwwwww, thems the times me heart swells with pride and I'm reassured that I'm doing my job as an auntie, that I'm truly making a difference..

Lube job

I actually got to leave my office and venture out to other regions of the TDC compound today. Yaay. I had a customer who has a customer who is hell bent on getting a photo of O-ring lubricant before they commit to buying it. Now this is just this wee tub of goo that rings up at just over 5 bucks (so a real monumental purchase,y'know?). It's in a clear ,round plastic case about 1/2 inch high, with a 2inch diameter. It does not even have any flashy packaging. (I suggested we spice things up a bit with like, a crushed velvet backdrop and sexy ambient lighting, but we opted for stark realism instead) Why would anyone NEED a picture of that?? Nevertheless, I had the job of taking the O-ring lube to be photographed (resultant photographs are emailed to me, which I , in turn, email to the p.i.t.a. customer) it was an idiotic task, but anything that gets me away from my desk and off the phones for a bit is fiiiiiiiiine by me.

I had also joked that I was going to do some shots like a Barker's beauty -- hold the product up real close to my maniacally smiley face and gesticulate towards it with my elegantly manicured left hand . At the time of said lame joke, I hadn't realized how haggard and putrid I look today. Forget Barker's Beautydom, I don't even measure up to Rod Roddy (R.I.P.) today!! I must confess- I do not always check the mirror before leaving the house in the a.m. Appalling, isn't it?? I mean, most days I come in and posit meself directly into my cubicle and stay holed up all day (with the exception of 4 or 5 trips to the fax machine and 2-3 bathroom runs) so it doesn't seem all that necessary to me. But I was kind of irritated when, after my lube photo shoot, I stopped in to the bathroom and caught sight of my sorry self. It's not that I ended up doing the Barker's Beauty thing--I DIDN'T (let the record show that I did **not**do that)-- but I just thought it figures the one day I'm traipsing all over the building...I look like crrrap on a cracker. Ahhh maybe it's just as well. This way, if I find Prince Charming in the workplace, it's sure to be a Prince Charming with a SEVERE inner beauty fetish.

I was watching TV tonight and was utterly befuddled about a PSA they ran during Grey's Anatomy. The Muppets and Teri Hatcher joining forces to come to the aid of over-stressed teens? Huh?? Has the world gone mad??? Am I hallucinating?? If you want to reach teens why aren't you using, uhhhh, I dunno, Jo Jo as your mouthpiece? (since I bring up Jo Jo I just have to say...WHY would you deliberately use that for your stage name?? It makes you sound like a trained monkey! Now although that may be somewhat accurate, I'm guessing it's probably not the image you're shootin' for...) I can see how the inclusion of Teri Hatcher hooks that moms-of-teenagers demographic, but I'm not sure who the Muppets are there for. It's a surreal and senseless alliance . I keep thinking it could only be like there was some kind of write-a -PSA contest in grade schools nationwide and this was the winning idea. But that theory would only be feasible in 1985 or thereabouts as the majority of kids today don't even know the Muppets (not the ones from the Muppet show). On the other hand, I can imagine this being the product of a for real, bona fide ad fact, I can't imagine the brainstorming session where they hatched this premise without seeing a BONG prominent in the scenario.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


Stopped at Encore Books after work and picked up some new stuff to read...

I purchased--

a cook book: Retro Ranch ( I think a big reason I bought this was that it had a scone recipe in it. Upon further perusal I realized that to attempt about half of those recipes, I would have to somehow procure a Dutch oven)

a book for Chloe: "Why Don't You Get a Horse, Sam Adams?"

and 2 novels-- Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis (I really wanted to get Amis's"Take a Girl Like You" or "The Green Man" but neither was available)
The Black Prince by Iris Murdoch

You know, in the classics buying frenzy I'm in these days, I should buy another batch of books from the Dover website. I do appreciate those slim little "Dover Thrift Editions" and it would behoove me to behave more thriftily. Even though, as I've explained before, I have little or no spending guilt when I buy books (it's self-enrichment, an investment in one's own mind, and all that). But I should try to look for deals when I can get 'em. That's why tonight I shopped at Encore books (their stock is primarily used books) instead of at my beloved Borders. Anyways I bought about 8 or 9 titles from the Dover website once and now they continually email about special sales & savings. I could email them to please remove my name from their mailing list, but I keep thinking that I'll take advantage one of these days. My Dad has told me numerous times (although not lately, I've noticed. Perhaps he's given up?) how I really oughtta take books out of the library. I just cannot get into that idea... I am very possessive about my books, it may be 5 -10 years before I revisit a particular book (if ever) but I just dig the idea of amassing a library, I guess. And that would be why, even though I was really intrigued by the premise of BookCrossing I don't think I can bring meself to participate. Or maybe I will --and I'll release into the wild (book crossing lingo there)"One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez ... it was supposed to be this landmark classic, winner of multiple awards (Pulitzer? Booker Prize? I'm not sure. I DO know that it got the mega-prestigious Oprah seal of approval) and I forced myself to read the entire thing and it was a TORMENT to me. 100 years of mind-numbing tedium--that was my experience with that book. It was probably 3 years ago I read that and I still resent GGMarquez for thoroughly wasting so much of my time....

I know I said in my post from earlier today that my "Our Mutual Friend" mania was at its end? Well it is, but I'm coming to realize that it was merely the commencement of one of my li'l "kicks". This particular one a period drama kick, which besets me with some sporadic regularity. I spent a goodly amount of time on Amazon tonight, trying to decide if I wanted to next buy this, this , this or this . Don't worry amigos, I am not going to go on a MAAAD spree or anything. Although this coming Friday is would be relatively harmless to stop by Borders and see what they've got to offer in their Brit TV on DVD section....

Boiled Dinner you're as lovely as your name...

Last night I was helping to clean up the kitchen (blah) and while I was transferring leftover boiled dinner from its colossal cooking vessel into some Tupperware, I began making up songs to amuse myself. Actually, my chief goal was to provoke a laughing fit in my mother (who was at the sink washing dishes at the time). Sometimes when I reeeeally get her going, she actually, for real, doubles over with laughter and cannot function until the amusement subsides. Last night's greatest hit was the Boiled Dinner song... I basically took this song from Cinderella and substituted "Boiled Dinner" everywhere I was 'sposed to sing "Cinderella" (because, syllabically, it's such a swell fit) Oh, and, the part where it sez "...the kingdom of romance" I sang "...the kingdom of my pants"...well, you get the idea, hellah funny. I am the insane man's Wayne Brady. White, insane, girl Wayne Brady. Not only did I provoke the intended fit from my mom, but I also wound up in a similar state. I started crying...mostly from laughter (but in a small part due to the realization of what a shameless dork I am)

Speaking of my dorkish tendencies.... I finished off "Our Mutual Friend" last night. I was DETERMINED to watch the whole rest of it...really seriously wrapped up in the saga...consequently I stayed up until just after 3am. I TOLD you I was addicted!! Anyways, that mania is over now. But--OH!-- I am ecstatic to report that whatever mysterious glitch was in Part III Chapter 16-17 it somehow unglitched itself. All I did was take out the DVD and blowed on it gently and the wee microscopic microns of Pixie Dust that inhabit my breath did their magical thang. Or there coulda been dust on the disc. I may never know which was the case, but the upshot is that I do not have to bring my precious movie back to Borders. Hurrah and yippy skippy!!

Clive Owen is the new face of Lancome. Mmm. Mmm. MMM!! Lancome, I assure you, has never looked so damn good. It's more hi-falutin' than the makeup I usually go in for (hello, Bonne Bell!) but I'm going to start buying Lancome faithfully. I don't care if he's in adverts for Men's Anti-aging anti-wrinkle cream, I'M BUYIN' I'll buy anything if Clive Owen's the one doin' the shillin'. Velveeta dipped moldy tangerines, Clive? Put me down for a dozen, babe!

Case in point--

I confess, I don't entirely know what "case in point" means but it just feels apropos to me at this juncture....

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


I was watching" Our Mutual Friend "last night (like you KNOWED I would be!!) and much to my vexation, right at the start of Chapter/Scene 16 episode 3, I discovered the disc to be all f*&^%$ed up!! It was all choppy, starting & stopping continuously, y'know like when you're loading a 'net video and it doesn't load all at once and it goes into "Buffering..." mode every 2 seconds. And so I got none of the audio and the scene looked like EXTREMELY sllllllooooowwww stop motion animation or something. Awful. From what I could tell, it looked like a pivotal scene too. I did not shift into "Hulk" mode, but I was MIGHTILY vexed, I tell you.
And the nutty thing is I am not wanting to take the DVD back to Borders. Well, of course, I don't want to own a defective DVD, but returning it now will delay my seeing Part IV. My only recourse is to finish watching the miniseries (without seeing Part III Chapter 16-17, unfortunately) and then bring it back to Borders which somehow strikes me as unethical but I'm going to hafta do it that way. Say I brought it back to Borders tomorrow, they don't have an in-store replacement, but they can order one in for me...ETA 8-10 business days. NOT an acceptable solution! I would have the shakes and weepy wistful daydream fits for about 2 weeks! I wouldn't be any good to anybody! This miniseries is like smack to me, I swear.

Additionally, this has made me a pretty good argument for the PMRC (Tipper Gore & co....who brought you the Parental Advisory Sticker on your favorite 2 Live Crew CDs) and similar media gestappo by illustrating how very influential media input can be to the maleable minded. Which is just to say-- I cannot shake the intense urge to talk with the accent and parlance of nineteenth century British gentry. For instance, I keep wanting to modify the word "good" with "frightfully" (although as yet, I have not praised anything aloud that was excellent enough to warrant the "frightfully good!" rating) And just today, I IMed my comrade Robin the sentence: "How cruelly you have dashed my hopes!" It wasn't a random, uncontexted outcry, she had somehow dashed my hopes but I can't recall just now what I was bitching about.

MUPPET NEWSFLASH: apparently in a neighboring town there was an armed robbery at the Shell station. This results in my mom totally stressing--actually going into floor-pacing, hand-wringing mode--because my sister happens to be home alone with the kids (my bro-in-law is on a business trip until Fri). I must confess, I'm being a bit of an unsympathetic bitch about it and going with my gut reaction (to her fretting) which is ANNOYANCE. What does she want me to do?? Go over to Laura's and hold vigil on her front steps with a shot gun? Ahhh, bad idea... methinks ME with a firearm is valid cause for worry. Maybe a more rudimentary weapon. Heeeey, I AM rather handy with a sock full o' nickels... real badass... like Michaelangelo chucks the nunchaku (the ninja turtle...not the painter)

I should be more understanding. I may internalize it more, but I can worry about some pretty irrational shit at times. On the other hand, I would never burden another with my worries if I could see that they were hard at work on their awesome blog.

Let's conclude with a totally un-newsworthy news item (newsworthless? is that a legit word?) The 47th Annual Mr Blackwell's Worst Dressed List was released today. I've got to hand it to the guy... he's kept the same, utterly unnecessary gig for 47 years. Now that bit I's an inspiration to catty underachievers everywhere (I'm not only club president...I'm a founding member, baby) It's his "wit" that I find lacking. He's getting progressively hokier as he ages, starting in 1969 when he began peppering his lists with puns and rhymey-rhyme limerick-esque humor (check here if you doubt me..oh, I have done my research girlfren... mmmmhmm) As to this year's Worst Dressed list...I have to disagree with him on that first place tie. Britney Spears totally deserves the #1 slot, in my estimation. However, as much as it PAINS me to defend Paris Hilton, I think she was wronged by Senor Blackwell. Now, if this were a "Top Vapid Whores of 2006" list, I would not dispute Paris's getting top honors. But I don't really think she's that bad of a dresser. In fact, I don't even know that she belongs on the top ten. I'm not saying she's my fashion idol or anything, but definitely there are several (at least a dozen) shittier dressers. I think Mr Blackwell just throws some big names , some big popular names, at the top of his list to show that the ol' guy is still pretty au courant. I probably shouldn't dis Blackwell, as he is probably considered the "godfather" of fashion commentary, and in general I am a BIG fan of that whole sartorial snarking thing , but COME ON, this guy's just ol' timey& quaint. I know the 'net is reporting that he released a list...but is the list actually published anywhere?? Perhaps they run off a huge stack of photocopies off it to offer gratis at the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce or something like that...

Monday, January 08, 2007

My apologies

Just reread my post I just posted and I am appalled at how I've disjointedly I flitted from topic to topic. I completely abandoned the art of the segue, and for that, my dear friends, I beg your pardon. I would edit, but I am determined to get my BBC period drama fix and it's 12:40am already. Damn it, I will drink a KEG of coffee tomorrow if needs be, but I WILL watch at least 1/2 of Part III.

Well anyways, sorry again for the wonky writing. Must jet...


Well, you learn something new about yourself daily. Or ideally, you should ,I suppose. I have recently discovered that I very much enjoy rutabagas. Also, through some wikipedia digging, I have ascertained that the rutabaga and the turnip are NOT the same vegetable. I had two different people tell me that rutabaga is another word for turnip. They are gravely mistaken. Well, turnips are related to rutabagas, but they ARE NOT THE SAME THING. A turnip is Brassica rapa, while a rutabaga is Brassica napus. Sheesh, ya think at 2 & nine-tenths decades old, I woulda known that already, but nope...just read about that tonight. I like turnips alright too, but RUTABAGAS are my new vegetable fixation. My Top 5 favorite veggies (as the list stands presently) --

1. Cabbage
2. Rutabagas


4.Brussels Sprouts

5.Mushrooms (fresh ONLY...canned mushrooms are vile)

And there are many others I enjoy...have always enjoyed... y'know with such a penchant for veggies it's puzzling how I got such a flabtacular physique. Well, not utterly puzzling...I 'spose it's got a little something to do with my penchant for other, less healthy eats, and a LOT something to do with my fanatical aversion to exercise.

ANYWHOOO , I was pleased to know that rutabaga was a separate thing from turnips because I find the word "rutabaga" immensely satisfying & endlessly amusing. I like that I am choosing the proper word for the veggie I mean, and not just choosing between 2 synonymous terms. Because I would ALWAYS choose "rutabaga". But then I would suspect that I was getting gratuitous about it.
Tonight I finished up Iris Murdoch's "the Unicorn". Initially, I was really into the book and thought all of the characters had a lot of promise. But that was probably for half of the book and so then it wound up a rather disappointing read. Ultimately I thought it was all too much angst and not enough action. And the protagonist seemed to devolve into SUCH a simpering whine-ass over the course of the story and consequently at the very end I was totally apathetic about what would become of her. But when the book truly "jumped the shark" (to use the popular parlance of our times) for me was in chaper 29 when a certain character was killed. The protagonist harbored an undeniable twitterpation for said character, despite the fact he was a domineering, brooding, bisexual sadist. In my head I'd cast him as a real fox, so yeah, domineering sadism be damned, I was rooting for her to go for it all the same. Well she did go for it, but with the dull mysterious brooder who was short. Ugh. Not how I wanted it to play out! And then the short fellah didn't care to have anything to do with her at the end but at that point I didn't really care what happened to the vapid invertebrate and the book had already dragged on for 9 more tedious chapters after it killed off its best character. But, hey do not let that damning review deter you from reading Murdoch. My fave is the 1st one I read -"The Green Knight".
I made boiled dinner for supper last night and it came out pretty well. I think I prefer it with corned beef (I made it with ham as I had my Christmas ham from work that was needing to be used up) but I put in double the cabbage so that was good.
I bought at Borders a DVD of the BBC serial "Our Mutual Friend" adapted from a Dickens novel I've not read. I've not read much Dickens actually. Just "A Tale of Two Cities" and I think that's it. Anyways, I'm curious if "Our Mutual Friend" is a good read or not because I'm halfway through the miniseries & totally addicted . So much so that even though I have to rouse myself for an early a.m. meeting tomorrow, I think I will have to watch Part III after I wrap this up. I know my birthday & Christmas have just gone by, but if someone was simply compelled to delight me with a spontaneous generous gesture, they could buy me a whole set of BBC period dramas. I would SO dig that. (I AM quite aware of what a tremendous nerd I am, in case you were wondering...)

Friday, January 05, 2007


Work was LOUSY today. The 800 lines for our Denton TX branch went down and Verizon spent ALL DAY repairing them (and as of go-home time this evening, they weren't even fixed!) So while those lines were down they forwarded all their calls to us in NH. This is the calls that come in to a dept of 60 people now all coming in to a group of 7. I was soooo damn frazzled I was thisclose to hulking right the fuck out. And I have a rather private cubicle, as it happens, so that would be an ideal venue for hulking out. Y'know how, on the show, David Banner would come up against the bad guys in a warehouse and they'd knock his wussy ass into some shelving, thereby knocking a ton of packages & shit on top of him. And it was only THEN, under cover of umpteen cardboard boxes, that he would metamorphasize. And nobody ever really saw the transformation and weren't quite bright enough to make that Banner-Hulk connection (durrrr!). And that's how the nimrods in my office would be... "Hmmm I saw Sandra sitting by herself in her wee cubicle and now there's a ginormous enraged Hulk monster in there punching phones and throwing desk chairs and now WHERE did Sandra go? Possibly she is cowering under her desk for fear of this Hulk that materialized out of nowhere???" I would totally fool them, except possibly for the fact that one of my well known catchphrases (in times of stress) is "Grrrrrrr!! I. AM. GOING. TO. HULK . OUT!!!" Even that might not tip them off. One tends to expect the unexpected. It seems too inevitable that the maniac proclaiming that she is about to hulk out will actually hulk can't possibly be her. No way.

Well I suppose there is a silver lining here...those bitches in Texas had a nice, quiet low key workday. Somehow this fails to console me...

This cheered me somewhat though. ....Damon does McConaughey...not in the way you're thinking YOU HOGGERS!!! Check it out, it made me chortle.

Alright, I'm getting a bit groggy so I'm going to cut myself off before I decend into an embarrassing drivel spiral like I did in those posts from the other night...

Thursday, January 04, 2007

My 100th post! YAAAAAY ME!

Damn, with a little foresight & planning I could have had a celebratory cake on hand for this occasion. But no dice (or rather, CAKE) as foresight & planning are not exactly-nor have they ever been--my "bag". Aaah well, I suppose it's just as well since celebratory cake doesn't really jive well with my New Year's Resolution to shed some really for real do it this year. So I'm insteading consuming a Dole Pineapples & Creme Fruit Parfait. I'm sure this is a healthier option than "Congrats on your 100th Post" cake, and yet I am suspicious of the nutritional value of this quasi-gelatinous goo these pineapples are suspended in. Tastes ok though. Especially the cream part--no, sorry the creme. I think because it's spelled thusly on the lid here, that means it was imported from France.

In my recent web meanderings, I stumbled onto this very rad website. Methinks I'll make this one a fixture on my Links sidebar --that's how neat-o I think it is. Although y'know the pressure to convert from Old Blogger to NEW Blogger is getting when I inevitably cave in and change over...well will I even have links anymore? Will I have to re-do that sidebar? I am determined to keep on least for a while longer. The more Blogger nags me to switch to the new, TREMENDOUSLY IMPROVED Blogger, the more I'm inclined to "dig in my heels". Oh, but I suppose I will convert eventually.

Mi amiga Kara has converted...thereby abandoning me here in Obsoleteville. (waaah)I did like her new li'l "Personal Info Sidebar", particularly right at the top corner,where it informs you as to "What I'm Reading Now". I'm curious...does the blog dashboard prompt you to update that section? 'Cause if it's just part of the template, I could see how that could very easily be forgotten about & neglected. And how have on there for 8 months or a year or what have you to say that you are reading, still reading, and stiiiiiill reading "Cell" by Stephen King. People will begin to suspect you're slow or something....

In case you're wondering what I'm reading. I just finished up an Iris Murdoch novel "The Nice and the Good" This is the 3rd Murdoch novel I've read...she is getting to be one of my faves. Although I once started to read (the book she wrote just prior to "The Nice& the Good") "The Time of the Angels" and I could NOT , for the life o' me, get into it. I was reading on Amazon what people thought of the book I'd just finished.... I do that often... I don't like to get overly influenced by other's reviews, so I wait until I'm well entrenched in a book ..or in this case, I held off until I was done. Everyone who wrote praising "The Nice and the Good" prattled on so profoundly--as if it revised their whole core philosophy or something. And y'know those psychological/philosophical motifs in the book didn't utterly elude me, but what pulled me into the book was the "soapiness" of it. It was smartly written, and insightful and all that but it had elements of a good soap opera in its plotlines-- what with all the falling in & out of love and the rampant adultery. And ultimately, that's all I really want outta my fiction. I guess I'm sort of a simpleton. As much as I enjoyed reading the book, if the hook-ups I'd been rooting for didn't wind up happenin' I would've ruled it an overall disappointing read and not worth recommending (as it is, I do recommend it... all concludes as it ought to, and I reread the last 2 chapters two or three times) Happy endings are a BIG DEAL with me... I am pretty obdurate about that...I want my happy endings!! To hell with artistic integrity, realism, etc etc....

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

other crap I thought of

I had left off at "Charles Nelson Reilly--IS--Edna Turnblatt..." because I felt like wrapping up by referencing one of the Match Game regulars lent my post a nice "full circle" quality, but really, I ceased my prattling prematurely. I have other crap in my head, albeit trivial, completely inconsequential crap. That's what happens when you don't post for a whole week, I guess. Trivial crap-o-la build up.

Blathering on about "Hairspray" made me think about Rikki Lake. Back in her fatty days (ok, well 1989, specifically) she did a TV movie called "Baby Cakes" which I taped off the telly. If I remember correctly I watched the hell outta that one. It was real inspirational, triumph-of-the-human-spirit stuff.. the abridged plot synopsis goes something liiiiike: Fat girl steals hunk away from beautiful bitch fiance. Yep, that about sums it up. And that's probably unabridged, actually. The hunk in question is Craig Sheffer. Guess who Rikki Lake plays? Ha, ha, ha. It's not landmark cinema, by any means, but I would most definitely recommend it if you're looking for something in the Fat-Girl-Meets-Stud, Fat-Girl-Woos-Stud, Stud-dumps-Hot-but-Bitchy-Fiance genre. You could probably call it a classic of that genre.

And since I'm such a wiz at hypothetical casting (as evidenced in the disjointed ramblings of my prev. post) I would say that if there was a biopic made of Craig Sheffer's life, the best pick for the role of Craig Sheffer would be David Boreanaz.
They are similar lookin' dudes, I've always thought so. Looky here--
David Boreanaz---

Craig Sheffer as the wicked Hardy Jenns in
the incomparable "Some Kind of Wonderful" ---

I find it interesting that it was sort of a trial finding a pic of Craig Sheffer while when digging for the Boreanaz pic there was something like 9 gajillion fan sites to pick from....when Sheffer is clearly the better looking of the two. Wellllll, perhaps not these days. But Sheffer ought to look to Val Kilmer for inspiration...he too, went through a bloated/haggard/ old/ puffy stage, but he seems to be coming out of it (last I heard anyways).
Although I seem very pro-Sheffer, (well I am)I do still feel it wise to cast David Boreanaz as Craig Sheffer. Today's Craig Sheffer is too old to play Craig Sheffer in his prime, and let's not forget, Craig Sheffer is apt to give a rather biased portrayal of Craig Sheffer at any age. An added bonus of casting Boreanaz-- it's guaranteed to lure all the gothy sci-fi nerds who are still boo-frickety-hooing over "Angel" getting cancelled.
Well, now that I've devoted 3 paragraphs to it , it strikes me that a Craig Sheffer biopic is a seriously unlikely project. What I'd really like to see instead (another project that could make use of this genius bit of casting) is a fictional behind-the-scenes documentary on the making of "Some Kind of Wonderful". I love that movie. It would be very tough though finding a good looking red-head to play Eric Stoltz circa 1986. Eric Stoltz has a very unique angular-featured handsomeness that would be difficult to match. (Again- real Eric Stoltz=too old) Plus, that tomato red hair. They could **not** cast a non-redhead. That would not be ok with me.
Ok, the "Some Kind of Wonderful" fictionalized mock doc is an unlikely project too, but hey-- in this post-"Snakes on a Plane"culture of ours, who knows?? Truth is, it's laaaaaaaaaaate, and I'm sleep deprived and it's making me type nutty shit.
But I'm NOT DONE! I must utterly purge my noggin before retiring for the night. The pisser of it is, I have a feeling that I'm so tired that when I at last go to bed, I won't be able to get to sleep.

I also was gonna mention some recent celeb nuptials.. .. granted it's C-list celebs, and nothing too interesting, but I thought with all this death talk in the media lately (Saddam gettin' stretched & the big Ford-Brown Funeral-palooza Tour) it was important--for the sake of balance--to talk amour.
A while back (this is old 2006 news-- pre-Christmas stuff, reeeeeaching back into the archives) Lara Flynn Boyle got hitched to a random "civilian" dude. The dude in questions name is Donald Ray Thomas. I hope it will not be a source of tension in their marriage that her triple-name name is thoroughly becoming--lyrical, lilting, lovely and evocative of other good L-word qualties. Donald Ray Thomas, on the other hand? 3 first names that are perfectly inoffensive on their own, but when bonded together...well, it's a moniker for an assassin. Or a sniper. Less than lilting, let's just say.

More fun with newlywed names... I read just today that Jay Mohr may have married his fellow C-lister girlfriend Nikki Cox. My mind's eye immediately envisioned Nikki's hometown newspaper, and the headline on that wedding announcement: Mohr-Cox. HAAAAAAAAA! I can be so juvenile . But remember-- wicked bad severe sleep deprivation. That is the root of all this idiocy!!

I noticed the Mohr-Cox (ha!) article mentioned that Nikki Cox was previously "engaged to comedian Bob Goldthwait". Probably not too presumptuous of me to conclude that "comedian Bob Goldthwait" = Bobcat Goldthwait. And now she's hitched to Jay Mohr. And this makes me think "Nikki Cox is a lovely young woman lacking in confidance. Sure, this is an upgrade but she has still married several levels below her mating potential. She must have serious self-esteem issues." And then I chided myself for such an uncharitable thought and re-hypothesized " Nikki Cox is a truly lovely young woman made all the more lovely by her knack for appraising others by their non-aesthetic assetts." See, I'm trying to be a li'l bit less of a jaded bitch in 2007.

Tonight I fell in love with the song "Wolf Like Me" by TV On The Radio. I think 99Rock had played it before, but I'd not paid attention and realized how much I really dig it. I dig it sooo much, in fact, that I cannot at the moment think of how it goes at all. I think I'll watch the video online tomorrow. I could probably track it down now, but it will be infinitely more enjoyable with the speedy server connection plus it is FINALLY, at long last, bedtime for Bonzo!!
Nighty night, dearies!!

Dumb Dora is SOOOOO dumb...

...I've been watching a lot of Match Game recently. What is it with the Match Game that they always included the year with the show title?? "Match Game 73" or "Match Game 75" or whatever ... they are the only show I can think of that did that ...certainly the only game show that did that. It's almost like they had the show's posterity in mind...they wanted future game show afficianados to be able to say something like "Oh you hated that episode? Well no wonder! That was Match Game 74 which was a terrible Match Game vintage partly due to Gene Rayburn's brief bout with opium addiction and Charles Nelson Reilly's sabbatical to do an off-Broadway revival of "The Music Man"." I haven't been watching enough to be able to rank the years in order of quality or anything like that, but I am digging the show. Gene Rayburn has been added to my roster of "Best Gameshow Hosts Ever" Most gameshow hosts' wit consists of just being a smart ass straight man (which I totally appreciate) but Gene Rayburn is the rare gameshow host that will do physical comedy. But they all have their key assets, the hosts on this elite mental roster-- Chuck Woolery has a certain swanky charm and that trademark "2 & 2" move he does, Bob Eubanks has the word "whoopie", and Gene Rayburn has goofy physical comedy (and horsey teeth). Oh, and Guy Smiley has this adorable golden-hued foam rubberish & spongey complexion....

So my New Year's was decent. New Year's day brought me a MONSTER of a headache, but I suppose it coulda been worse. I went to my sister's for a party. During the course of the evening a small-ish food fight broke out. Now of course, the kids are very curious about these parties that require them to have off-site babysitting (not that there are that many of them...honest!) and yesterday were full of questions. Greg very dumbassedly let slip just that one detail. About the food fight. Of all the things to tell them! A massive food fight is like one of the top kid fantasies. Now the kids are experimenting with tossing vittles around at mealtimes. Laura will hafta have a talk with 'em, set them straight. I wonder if she'll go with "Do NOT throw's fine for drunken adults to do, but not you!" or "Food fights are only OK on New Year's Eve".

It's amusing that my sister, who is her household's chief enforcer of tidiness, was the initiator and most active participant in this food fight. I say 'tis amusing, but it's in no way surprising. My sister is quite prone to a total persona 180 after a few oz. of alcohol...Laura Jeckyl & Mamma Hyde. Yowza. I do love her (the laws of Nature mandate that I do) but--OY-- she has the potential to be the world's most obnoxious drunk. Conversely, people usually can't tell when I'm drunk. I will suddenly realize it during a bathroom trip when I can't stop Cheshire cat grinning at my own reflection and the hand-eye coordination required to regloss my lips is taking considerably more concentration. But outside of the bathroom, I don't really outwardly convey drunkenness. Overall, I find this to be a good trait....except for those occasional occasions where I'd like to be taken advantage of and then it's rather a pain in the ass.

How sad is it that the #1 thing that I find exciting about January that it means new episodes on the Office, Grey's Anatomy, Ugly Betty & Heroes?? Poor poor pitiful moi. What slightly redeems me is that I am not just a lowly couch potato....I am a couch potato with sporadic classical leanings. Because, in fact, the TV "event" I am the MOSTEST stoked about is Jan21
when once again they'll rehash Jane Eyre....this time for Masterpiece Theatre. So..set your DVRs Bronte fans!! Daaamn, is that a bizarre-ass sounding utterance! Not that I actually said it out loud...I'm not that excited about the thing. But I am stoked...even if my employ of the term "rehash" undercuts the sincerity of my stoked-ness. I mean, there's no denying the story has been done and redone and remade and REEEEEEMIXED!! ad infinitum (see here) but I am game for another 100 movie adaptations. Admittedly, I am a bit of an Eyre-aholic. I haven't seen like, the 1914 silent film version, or anything like that but I do have 3 DVDs of it ( the 1983 Timothy Dalton miniseries, the 1996 Zeferelli-directed version, and the 1997 A&E miniseries with Samantha Morton & Ciaran Hinds) High time to do another big screen version, I say. I mean, I guess 1996 (the yr of the last big screen version) is maybe too recent for Hollywood to be doing another one. But really, there are some pretty idiotic projects in the Hollywood "hopper" so why not a Jane Eyre remake, huh? I suppose it depends on industry which case, I wonder how 2005's "Pride & Prejudice" did, $$$-wise?? I know I really dug it, but I wonder what the box office figures looked like. If it was a financial flop, then my dream Jane Eyre movie ("Clive Owen ---IS--Edward Rochester!" I can just hear the cheesy Coming Attractions voice over now) will be a loooong time a-comin'.

Now when I just now commented that "there are some pretty idiotic projects in the Hollywood hopper" I was thinking specifically of the movie "Hairspray" set to open up July of this year. I remember being aaaaaall excited back in '03 when it was being said that "Chicago" revived the movie musical. And now they do THIS to the genre--when it is still wobbly on new colt's legs, trying to tenatively re-ingratiate itself with the public--now, now.. UGH. It makes me ill. "Hairspray" was originally a movie...and then apparently the movie was so terrif they had to make it into a Broadway show. Sure..sort of a switcheroo from the usual progression, but OK, fine. Now they're again doing the movie? Same convoluted mess they made with The Producers . Which, y'know, the Producers mighta come out fine, I can't say (not having seen the show or the movie) but it just gives the impression that people are running out of ideas, getting lazy. But that is just a minor big gripe here is casting. They have that ubiquitous junior stud from the mega-ubiquitous HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL playing Link Larkin. Link Larkin--if I comprehend the role fully (and uhhh, "Hairspray" is not Dostoyevsky, I think I get it) is supposed to be the ULTIMATE "dreamboat". Zac Efron (yes, I know the name...Sandra admitted ashamedly)-- NOT DREAMY ENOUGH. I know, I know, there about a trillion Tiger Beat subscribers that would lynch me on charges of blasphemy if they read that, but I STAND BY MY ASSESSMENT. Bring it on, bitches.
Even worse casting is John Travolta as the mother. He is nowhere near campy enough for the role of Edna. The fact that he owes his present-day career to Quentin Tarantino--that gives him a slight kitsch factor, but we're talking a character birthed from the noggin of JOHN WATERS. Now Waters goes beyond kitsch--deep into white-trash camp territory, the Jerry Springerish Nth ring of hell. What they shoulda done (sez me) is-- instead of trying to propel a newcomer to fame (voila!! A star is born!) by giving the lead role to a no-name,they should've tried to add some surreal star power to the role of Tracy (J-Lo in a fat suit? I dunno..) and recruited an amateur to play Edna. And they should've scouted for talent in the most lurid dens of iniquity on Earth, culled from the most subterranean depths of the sub-culture, y'know? OR they should've cast Charles Nelson Reilly. He could play the HELL outta Edna Turnblatt, I tell ya. And hey-- combine the Disney Channel demographic with the Game Show Network demographic and the flick is GUARANTEED to kick box office fanny!!