Tuesday, December 29, 2009

front page news? Really now?

Well damn--the crew over at People magazine is just ga-ga for weddings!! Seriously, if the dude who played Schneider on One Day at a Time got married for the fifth time and mailed the pics to People--and made a point to refer to them as exclusive pics--People muth&*$#*ing magazine would run that on their cover. No shitting you.

First off, they must know that a Jo-bro. is NOT the hot commodity in 2009 that he was back in '07. And even at the very zenith of their fame, Kevin was the one that-- ah well-- hitched, single, gay...there really wasn't a hell of a lotta public concern over the matter either way.

OK..if that last paragraph were clunkily composed, I blame it on this ugly guilty feeling that has stolen over me on account o' maybe I've slandered One Day At A Time's Schneider. Firstly, it's a bit belittling to forego his real name (which is Pat Harrington Jr) in favor of a character name. And of course, the man's done other work besides One Day, in fact, I remember seeing him pop up on The Love Boat, I think maybe more than once. Yep, yep--a quick detour over to IMDB shows 4 Love Boat episodes. Welllll, there was a 2 parter episode in there, so one might consider it just 3 Love Boat episodes in the Harrington Jr. oeuvre but he's had a buttload of other work too!! And just one wife ....so that settles it--I *am* slanderous.

But back to my original point--Kevin Jonas's big nuptials--is that really front page-worthy? I'd give it maybe a corner of the front page, but not this primo real estate.
Some trepidation is replacing my guilt now...I'm flashing back to a long ago post where I ever-so-slightly disparaged Clay Aiken and... OMFG hell hath no fury like a miffed Claymate. I don't know how all those people found me!! I'll bet that was my all time record for # of comments though. I gotta wonder if I have now summoned up a whole new shitstorm...

I kinda get the feeling that People is the print equivalent of Entertainment Tonight. They just have kindred vibes, y'know ??

Oh, and since I may have incurred a wrathful shitstorm anyways allow me to lay some additional (yet totally irrelevant) negativity on y'all. I *LOATHE* THE GUY WHO SINGS IN THE FREE CREDIT REPORT.COM COMMERCIALS. I won't say "hate"...because that feels too harsh, especially for someone I've never in-person met, but let's just say I have a powerful, powerful aversion to the dude. And you know why? Me neither!!! I can't quite articulate why...he just has this nebulous offputting essence. Whatever the cause is, the effect is that want to punch him in the noggin. HARD. Oh, don't give me that reproachful look of yours. Even if I did my hardest punching, it probably wouldn't hurt the fellah. I am crap at punching.

I may have opined this before, but it bears repeating: I do think there needs to be a word that means negative je ne sais quoi . I could say "negative je ne sais quoi" but that feels cumbersome, right? I need one word that encompasses that notion in no more than 4syllables, ideally 3. Maybe that word exists & it's just eluding me (help me out if you can think of it, eh?)

am I VLOGGING now? Wooo-hoo! Good job, me!

I had some time to kill today while I was waiting at Dunkin Donuts to get some blood (umm yeah, I should specify at this juncture that it was a work errand &I was picking this up from a nurse I was meeting in that parking lot...it's not like, my Plan B bev because the Dunkaccino machine was being cleaned or anything like that. ) I happened to have my new Christmas toy on hand and so...

Sunday, December 27, 2009

My Christmas: the ultra-abridged Reader's Digest version

Drank a bottle of champers (with very little help) at the Christmas Eve party. Had a swell Christmas. Top three fave gifties: Flip cam / silver key necklace/ grey cashmere throw. Everything else I got was pretty terrific too. Had ham,not turkey (ham's way better, not to mention ham gravy...MMmm I wish I'd gotten leftovers, but they all stayed at my sister's casa) I know it's silly,but I think the knowledge that I had Dec 26 off from work made my Christmas exponentially merrier. I really DETEST going to work on Boxing Day(and yet I neglect to take it off every &^%#ing year it lands on a weekday. Durrr)

Will post more at a later date amigos...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


My left eye feels 1000% better today. I can’t find any ophthalmological basis for it, but I do believe my recovery has much to do with my indulging in nearly 14 hours of sleep last night. I know it’s kind of lameass to go to sleep at 6pm but nevertheless, I feel like I could benchpress a small building today. Not that I’m much of a bench presser…

Monday, December 14, 2009

My left eye has been kind of…uhhh, itchy (for lack of a better adjective) since this past Friday. Feels slighty better today than it did yesterday, but it’s still bothering me. Early on in the weekend it was like I had a pine needle floating around in there. Now it just feels kind of strained ..like I’m tired in one eye. I have been wearing my glasses (instead of contacts) and periodically dropping in eyedrops when I have ‘em handy and I am NOT going to the docs unless I have a big relapse. I’d hafta hock my Christmas presents if I did go!!
You know back in the spring, I had a scratched cornea and had to go to the ER. The bill for that was a li’l over $500 !! Can you believe that shit? My insurance paid for most of it (my OOP was $75.) but still….that’s redonkulous!!
This is what the visit (run time approx 30minutes) consisted of -- lengthy interrogation by the front desk broad, when I FINALLY got to be seen they gave me eye numbing drops, followed by eye dye so that the P.A. dude could gaze into my peeper and conclusively say “Yep, there’s a scratch there”. Then I read from an eye chart to show that my vision wasn’t f-ed up. And went away with an RX for antibiotic droppies. Now, I don’t want to disparage the P.A. who treated me, but really, it didn’t seem like the care I received was all that skilled. Not 500 bucks worth of skilled anyways!! Either they get paid a killer shift differential (this ER visit was at around 9pm) or those dye drops are a rare compound of unicorn tears & jabberwocky drool.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


One more thing...

I had a friend announce on Facebook that she was giving up on vegetarianism. For some reason, this announcement compelled me to make for her a sort of "homage to meat" collage.

Probably stupid Blogger will not allow me to make the pic a "click-to-expand" type pic (I used to be able to post 'em like that, but never can anymore. WTF, guys??) But what the hey...I'm going to share it anyways...

Friday, December 11, 2009

weird banner ads...

I was finishing up Christmas cards tonight and popped online expressly to look up some mailing addresses I was missing. But the dang interwebs suck me in everytime and I've now been on the computer for a hell of a long time and I've wound up putting off about 15 cards 'til tomorrow. I suppose it's for the best...it will give me something to do tomorrow and I was getting calligraphy cramps tonight anyways. OK, well, I don't know for real BONA FIDE calligraphy, but I do do my own made up fancy lettering on my envelopes. I never want to write messages on the insides of cards... I would either have to strain the weary ol' brain for something clever/witty and/or poignant to say, or I would have to resort to cliches (bleccch!) So in lieu of scrawling some sentiment, I get artsy on the envelopes. That's why my cards are always such a lengthy undertaking. Well, that and I never, NEVER, have all the addresses I need!

...which brings me back to the internet. I hit up switchboard.com to search for some people's info, and I was struck by 2 banner ads I discovered there....

The one on the top kinda weirds me out just because I know it's targeted precisely at me. After spotting a W Hotel in Manhattan last month, I took a fancy to the look of the place and I sought out the W Hotels website. Now THE INTERNET GODS are shooting me banner ads for W Hotels. Rationally, I totally get it...y'know Big Brother/ Big Commerce is ever vigilant, and I am by no means elusively "off-the-grid" (especially considering what a 'net junkie I am) But still, it weirds me out ...just a smidge. But it also makes me feel like they're doing a shoddy, half-ass job of profiling me. If my likes and dislikes and location and demographic are so readily available, isn't it equally easy to peek at my credit score? After scoping that, one could surmise (rightfully) that I could not pay for so much as a 1 hour stay at a W Hotel!! YOU ARE WASTING THE AD SPACE, FOOLS!!

Now, the banner ad on the right also weirds me out...for obvious reason, dont'cha think? "Obama Asks Moms to Return to School!" is of course accompanied by a photo of . . . Charles Manson Jr.???Ummm, WTF to the nth power?????? If that dude is matriculating, the moms will most assuredly NOT return to school. How is that ad supposed to be effective? And do you think Charles Manson would have taken a different path in life if he'd assumed the nickname "Chaz"? Seems to me that a Chaz couldn't perpetrate multiple homocides nor could he work the forehead swastika look. Chaz wears loafers without socks. Chaz likes yacht rock.

...UGGGHH.. sorry. 'Tis 3:16am EST...which means I'm overdue for some ZZzzzs. And it would seem when I deprive myself of slumber, I am prone to distasteful digressions. Again, sorry...


Au revoir HipHopapotamus & Rhymenoceros..

I'll always luv ya!! FOTC is done its run. I guess I understand the why of it--that they were feeling creatively strained or whatev, but that doesn't stop me from being supremely bummed.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

ummm YIKES

So I’ve told you that I’m designated office delivery wench, yes? Well, I am. Today I had to drive out to Lyme (and these far-away errands always pop up at the times when I'm at about a 1/2 tank of gas and trying to stretch out $25 until my next payday) to bring catheters to our nurse Shari who was having trouble with an insertion.

Yeeeeah….so it was NOT the simple delivery& hand-off& departure I was expecting. I wound up on flashlight detail. All those years of illuminating my Dad’s auto repairs came in handy. Actually I was hoping I’d start having auto repair flashbacks and start hallucinating carburetors & oil filters (which would have distracted me from the fact that I was looking at some lady’s urethra)

At one point, I’m holding the flashlight and Shari sez “ Do you want to be my assistant?” (without any further elaboration) And I’m trying to maintain my poker face (all the while, I’m trying to decide which sort of poker face would be most reassuring to the poor patient. I think a blank stare would be unnerving but a too smiley smile could be waaay worse…I tried to achieve a happy medium) and wanted to respond “I am NOT QUALIFIED to do *anything* beyond flashlight duty!!” but I thought a whole sentence might come out panicky sounding, so I said “Hmm?” Come to find out, she just wanted me to open a cath package because her hands were all be-gloved & lubey…so nothing too exceedingly clinical for me. But I was a bit petrified for a moment there.

I have long suspected that I don’t have what it takes to be a nurse….I am SO sure of it now!!

What the whaaaa?

In totally BIZARR-O couples news...WTF?

Thursday, December 03, 2009

so THE MAN thinks I'm an ingrate

At work, I used to have my desk near the referral services department and used to chat with the gals there throughout the day. Well, in October, they moved me to the other side of the office (to squash the banter? Perhaps. The move was never adequately explained to me) So these days, when I run into someone from referral services, it's a big "to-do" like Homecoming or something. They're all very glad to see me because when I left their sector of the building, there went the finest wit that workplace had to offer (haa..I jest. OF COURSE, I'm jesting)

Anyways, the other day, at probably quarter of 5, I had finally gotten around to doing my paper route. This is when, at the end of my day, I cart a box of paper around the office, throw a ream in each copier& leave a spare ream nearby. Just one of my 3000 jobs. And really, it's one job I wouldn't give up, as I kinda dig the mindless meniality of it. Sure as hell beats dealing with insurance companies. I can't imagine there's anything more convoluted and uber-bureaucratic than an insurance company. Well not much is, anyways.

But I digress...it's 4:45pm (EST) I'm loading paper into the referral services printer and Sue R is working there and working alongside her is her boss Sheila. Yeah, anyone who knows me knows that I am none too keen on the managerial ilk, so it's saying a lot that Sheila is one of my least favorite managers (she's popped up in this blog previously). Sue and I then have this rather banal exchange--

Sue: Hey Sandra. How you doin'??

Me: Siiigh. Good...now that it's 4:30 {4:30 pm is my quitting time. . .in theory}

Sue: It's actually past 4:30

Well, I don't know if my sigh was intolerably weary ( I don't think it was an extraordinary sigh) or if Sue's factual statement of the time sounded tinged with dangerous discontent, but something compelled Sheila to chime in (in this putrid mock-chipper voice) "BUT THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE JOBS!!" This triggered a brief vignette in my head where I responded "Oh, piss off, you hideous HAG" whilest in reality I said nothing. Sue and I exchanged a bug eyed look that was clearly nonverbal shorthand for "OMG who the fuck asked HER??" But neither of us said another word. But still, I feel I would have been well within my rights if I did tell her to piss off, because really---who the fuck asked her?? I was not talking with Sheila. Sheila may not have noticed this, but I have made it a policy not to speak to Sheila unless she has directed a question at me. But even if she had been part of the convo, it wouldn't have killed her to allow me a modicum of half-hearted grumbling. Oh, and considering how wholeheartedly annoyed by my job I am these days, such mild kvetching is extremely mild. Does management not realize that there is something unnatural and Stepford-esque about a totally complaint-free workplace?

Well, Sheila has yet again failed to propagate a positive image of the man. And bitch DEFINITELY ain't gettin' a Christmas card from me!!

In other news , I slept from 6pm-7:30am last night and it was marvy, blissful & highly satisfactory. And below, I'm going to throw in a pic I like that I stole from another blog and that has nothing to do with any of the preceding blather...

Ahhh but my conscience commenced to nagging me instantly...I must give credit where due: that's from a waaaaay rad blog called Pleasant Family Shopping that I just discovered. You simply must scope it out (am going to add it to my sidebar, actually) This shot on that website (search for the KMart tag) expands to a ginormous, high def image. And that blog features beaucoup links to other similarly themed and also rad blogs/sites so there are HOURS of retro-retail diversion to be had...