Halloween costumes

I procrastinated (procrastinating is a specialty of mine, you know)on deciding on a Halloween costume and now that the big day is fast approaching well....I'm thinking of dressing up as a scarecrow. Sadly, I do own a pair of overalls. I mean, let the record show that I've not worn said overalls since the mid-nineties, I just don't throw anything away. So, it seems like, with overalls at the ready, I have only a few other elements I need to gather for a scarecrow get up. I've even bought some raffia (looked less itchy than hay) for peeking out of my shirt cuffs/neck. So I'm halfway resigned to scarecrowdom but.... scarecrow just feels like one of those "I'm-gradually-giving-up-on-Halloween" type costumes. Another example of this type costume (an extreme example) is my brother-in-law : he was given a pair of scrubs at the birth of one of his kiddos and that has been his go-to "costume" every year my sister has been successful in badgering him to dress up for Halloween-- Dr. Greg. Laaaaaame.

I don't wanna be lame!! I f-ing LOVE Halloween!! It's my dang birthday!! I wish I knew how to sew or that I had mad money to fritter away on a costume. I wonder how much $$$ it takes to whip up one of these costumes?Then, not only would I be able to take PRIDE in my Halloween costume, but I would also enjoy the excuse to answer everything with "Yyyyyip yip yipyip yip UH HUH" for an entire night.

Oh, I dunno. Sandra is RACKED WITH INDECISION. Scarecrow may be out. Anybody wanna buy some raffia?

baaaaaaah. I feel blogstipated. Someone feed me a topic & I'll do my best to try and run w/ it. Come ooooon...

my car and I are both eeeeediots...

I ran out of gas on the interstate this evening. That sort of half sucks. I mean, it's certainly not a tremendous amount of fun, but there's also that big rush of relief when you discover that your car is not egregiously fucked up after all. Just needed a li'l drinkie (like yours truly, after the week I's been having). I mean, in retrospect, it seems obvious that it was outta gas-- it started getting all "chuggy" acting, like it did that one other time a few years ago when I ran outta gas, and it was behaving just Wayne's car does in the nail-biting climactic ending of Wayne's World 2 (*SPOILER ALERT*:he ran out of gas). But at the time of the breakdown, I was thinking it could be **anything** and it sure felt like it HAD to be the most catastrophic of catastrophic vehicular failures. Yep..zero to panic mode in 1.3 seconds....c'est moi.

I first wanna point out, in my defense, that my car has looong had a busted sending unit and my gas light will oftentimes come on after I just filled my tank. Basically the gas gauge has no significance whatsoever. So I just hit the tripometer every time I fill up and then at around 300 miles travelled I fill it again. I mean, figuring I get 20 miles to the gallon (and I'm probably getting a bit better than that) with a 17 gallon tank, I would be able to go 340 miles on a full tank. So if I refuel everytime I hit 300, I'm giving myself a decent buffer. My tripometer today? Read 270 miles. What the fuck, right? I must not have filled the tank the last time I "filled up" (I don't really remember whether I did or not). That's the only way thing that makes sense though.

Oh, and in semi-related news. I thought MY BRAKES were going to shit last night. They sounded all hissy and the pedal was going down to the floor a bit further than it had been. Now I don't know if those are the usual symptoms of driving 13miles with your e-brake on, but that's what I did last night. Y'see, I went to my friend Roxanny's for dinner & a flick (I've been on a helluva Vincent Price kick, but last night we went for a cinematic change-o'-pace and watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang). Upon arrival, when I parked on her slopey driveway, I pushed down my e-brake pedal and thought "Don't forget you have your e-brake on!!" I know what you're thinking ...that I forgot. Oh, ye have little faith!! I did not back up so much as an inch without pulling that brake release lever...or..ummm...what I thought was the brake release lever. The brake release pull in my car is in the vicinity of my left knee (well, not where my left knee is now, but where it is when I am sitting in the driver's seat, stooopid!) And, just to the left of the brake release is the Open-the-hood pull. And that is what I pulled last night when I left Rox's . FAAAAAANTASTICO!! No, I didn't have a scary, hood-flying-up&obscuring-my-vision moment while driving (like in Tommy Boy....or was it Black Sheep....quite possibly Planes, Trains, & Automobiles) because of that brilliant little latchy deal. Though it was a bit of a scary moment when I hopped in the jalopy this a.m. to zip off to work and I spotted how the e-brake pedal was down to the floor. Holy Fucking Mother of Charles Nelson Reilly how badly did I fuck up my car last night??? The brakes seem to be working fine. I have detected no lasting damage from the e-brake faux pas....unless the e-brake drag caused me to expend 10X the normal amount of gas to drive that 13 miles than I normally would , thereby leading to this afternoon's predicament. But I really think that had to be me not filling up fully...had to be.

I thought the cigarette lighter was the automotive equivalent of an appendix, but now I'm rethinking that. I'm wondering if the fucking e-brake does ANYTHING at all...

Riveting news item. But where's the photo??

miscellaneous oddments

Today I was working in the supply room unpacking boxes of envelopes and I farted. Not terribly loud. Medium loud. The unfortunate part of this scenario is that I wasn't in there alone. Larry was in there too, but he was at his desk, across the room, with a couple of metal shelving units between us, and he was listening (I hope, very intently) to Howie Carr on the radio. Also it was odorless. And, in case it was heard over the blatherings of Howie, I was careful to suppress any audible reaction (though I felt myself blush instantly) and did a brilliant job of following it up with a lot of box unpacking noises so that one might think it was an odd audio byproduct of that task...the pooting of box lids or something. (Yeah, I dunno. It was a REFLEX...not very well thought out)

Well, whether it was noticed or not, he didn't say anything and I shook off my embarrassment pretty swiftly.

In other trivial, lowbrow news, my father had to replace his toilet seat. For some unfathomable reason, he did not trudge down to Walmart like 90% of the populace would. No, he got online (part of it, I think, is he's just inordinately pleased with himself for mastering online shopping) and tracked down what I presume is the finest toilet seat known to mankind. Or I hope it is anyways...he paid $46. for it. Am I missing something? Is that the going rate for toilet seats nowadays?? I'm thinking it's a smidge pricey.

The first thing he said to me when I got here tonight was "Didja check out the bathroom??" All eager-like he was. I suppose, if I'd shilled out $46....well, if I wasn't enthused, I would make myself be... I told him for that price it should wipe your ass for you.

(I know, I know...I'm so crude. I promise my next post will be 100 x more refined)

A gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain

Softly blows o'er lullaby bay.

It fills the sails of boats that are waiting--

Waiting to sail your worries away.

It isn't far to Hushabye Mountain

And your boat waits down by the key.

The winds of night so softly are sighing--

Soon they will fly your troubles to sea.

So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain.

Wave good-bye to cares of the day.

And watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain

Sail far away from lullaby bay.

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Watching Sadie & Lucy tonight we watched approx 1/2 of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Lots of great songs in that movie, but I think that lullaby might be my fave. And that whole scene always gets me a smidge verklempt, y'know??

tube blather

Aside from Heroes on Monday night, Thursday night is overrun with all the decent must-see shows. Thursday has: Grey's Anatomy, The Mentalist, The Office, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia , *and*Project Runway. Oh, but speaking of Heroes--to backtrack a skoach-- I'm glad it's still on Monday nights (takes some of the suckiness out of the customary Monday suckiness, you know) HOWEVER, that said, NBC failed to send me the memo about bumping it up to 8pm. I was very conscientious to keep an eye on my watch during this past Monday night's shopping expedition and made sure I was home before 9pm (8:40 to be precise) Consequently, I only saw the last 15 min or so of Heroes. How vexing.

I watched most of my Thurs shows however. I only caught bits & pieces of The Office, because I was more engaged by Project Runway. I know I've declared Christopher as one of my fave designers (Logan is my other, BTW) but MAAAAN, he made it hard for me to keep on lovin' him this past episode. I can't think why I would have a problem with anybody--be they a he-body or a she-body-- being expressive of their feelings. On a rational level, I think that's fine--commendable, even. And yet... once the overt emotion gets to a certain degree I truly find it offputting. How callous of me, right? Anyways, Christopher was theeesclose to getting the ax and he was a blubbering MESS. It was kinda excruciating to behold. I'd hate to see the depth& breadth of his devastation had he actually been eliminated. Louise was a trooper though. Just the plaintive coo of a meadowlark and some wise parting words accompanied by mildly watery eyes. She held up well, I must say.

I can't help but let my reactions to the personalities color my at-home runway judging a bit. Like the top 2 designs: Carol Hannah's & Irina's...I liked both of them quite a lot and thought they deserved attaining the top 2 slots. However, I was *not* wanting to see Irina win again...mostly because she is a bitch-on-wheels. Not quite as bitchy as the dreadful Nicholas, but pretty bad.

quickie PR rant...

I FINALLY watched the last episode of Project Runway that I had DVRed. I really liked the film genre themed challenge-- the funnest one yet!! Next week's will likely be a let down after that. I don't quite know what it is, of course, but the preview did reveal that it's another team challenge. I hate it when they make 'em team up!! It just means less fabulosity on the runway (oh, bad grammar slip up...what I meant was : FEWER fabulosities on the runway)

But back to this episode... first let me dispense with my pettiest kvetch- Collier Strong kinda freaks me out. There is no need to feature him so prominently in the show. Stop that, Project Runway. He looks like a Marvel comics character come right off the page (probably a villain...and y'know that name of his is a bit comic bookish too, no?).

Anyways-- the important stuff now...

ELIMINATION
I was betting the farm that they were going to choose to cut Louise over Ra'Mon. That's what I would've done. And also, I thought that choice wasn't in keeping with the usual PR judges' M.O. Could it be the move to Lifetime that has shaken-up the formula? Or is it the mysterioso absence of Michael Kors and Nina Garcia?? Well, anyways, I thought the PR way was that "blah-ness" was always a graver offense than botched and ill-crafted avante garde. Used to be, that if it was proven you'd exhibited some creativity/ vision, that would usually save you from the crapper. Not the case for poor Ra'Mon I'm afraid (though what a gracious exit, don't you think??)

THE WIN--
I'm disappointed!! I would've liked to have seen Christopher rewarded for his consistently very cool work. His was definitely my fave (and he & Logan are emerging as my 2 favorite designers at this point). I also would have been glad to see Epperson win. I think he rocked the Western genre (whereas I found Shirin's Western offering to be rather ho-hum).
But hey..I will admit to some bias...Nicolas is such a snotty bitch, I was really rooting for him to just NOT WIN even before setting eyes on his finished design. That dude just IRKS me!! And now he's going to feel even more smug and validated. . .

writing that post reminded me of a few thingies...

...scroll down and scope tonight's earlier post before reading this!!

OK, firstly, there is no such episode of Mr Belvidere. I was trying to emulate the Monty Python crew in a way ( but I , too, overdid it). I have several Python computer games and in one of them (either the Meaning of Life Game or the Holy Grail game, I can't quite recall which) it urges you to "register" the game, and when you agree to, you go through 100+ multiple choice questions, and the questions get weird and it always amuses me how they have at least one answer option that is completely random and has nothing at all to do with the question. I LOVE that. I think I've seen them do that (the wacky multiple choice bit) in more than just that computer game though, but other specific instances are eluding my sleepy noggin right now.

I haven't visited the J Peterman site in aaaaages, but it used to amuse me to pop in there from time to time. Here be the linky goodness if you'd like to check it out w/ me.

Tracking down that clip of the "J Train" cartoon from Sesame Street , that reminded me of 2 neat-o Sesame vids I put on Facebook in various places.

This first one is not directly from the show, but a sort of " fan vid" --but well made and freakin' funny as hell (or so I thought). This, I posted on my friend Roxanne's wall because she's rather fond of Big Bird--



And this next clip I thought was a great find just because it (like the clip of the li'l girl taking her llama to the dentist skit) proves that I'm not delusional. This bit with the kids painting pics on glass (themed around a particular letter) was a recurring bit on the show that I'd fondly reminisced about and none of my co-reminiscers had the slightest idea WTF I was on about...

But see, it really WAS on the show!!

A quick browse thru Carol Wright Gifts...

I feel blogstipated.

Perhaps I simply expend too much energy on the oh-so-ubiquitous FACEBOOK. I dunno. Well, whatever the cause, I fear I must do something gimmicky just to crank out a post and prime the proverbial post pump. Knowwhaddimean??

So here are a few things that caught my eye in the Carol Wright catalog. And no, this is not a repeat from April. This is the REEEEMIIIIIIX!! (haaa)


First off, some stuff I could probably use--


I colored my hair last weekend and just did NOT have the attention span to forge through the hellah ponderous instructions. Test on your skin....section your hair...blahdee blah blah. So f-ing labor intensive, I thought. And I always wonder--trifling detail here-- why haircolor instrux always, ALWAYS have you snip the tip off the coloring squirt bottle, then add in the colorant from bottle B, and shake with your gloved fingertip over the squirt hole. Why not shake-mix the 2 fluid components in the squirty bottle with its tip UNsnipped? Wouldn't that reduce the risk of accidentally drizzling your bathroom counter with haircolor whilest mixing??

Ah, but I digress. I wound up just slopping the mixture arbitrarily on my head (ohhh, section, schmection!!) and lathering it about shampoo-style. It looks alright, but I realize my technique was grossly inept. This brush might be just the thing I need.
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This thing is another "just the thing I need". I can be a damned messy eater at times. Unfortunately, if you are donning one of these anytime in your post-high chair, pre-nursing home years, you in danger of being scoffed. Scoffed at. Shit..I don't think scoff works very well as a passive verb. But "scorn" is too strong a word. Well, ya get the idea, don'tcha?
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I probably could use this, but I'm going to hold off until I develop a truly Grade A wattle. For some reason, I feel like if I owned this, it's something I'd happen to have kicking around in my car and one day I'd just feel compelled to do it at a traffic light and would be busted by someone in another lane.

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That possibly seems a far-fetched scenario (me, wattle-toning in traffic) but I actually *did* find myself preening my lady 'stache in the Taco Bell drive-thru one day. I don't think anybody saw me. However, it occured to me , mid-preen, that I could be on CCTV video surveillance, and what a funny shot that would be if anyone ever reviewed that footage. I dunno, it's probably unlikely that they bother with fast food drive-thru video surveillance in my podunk neck of the woods, but I feel pretty sure they do it some places. After all, when some psycho jackass pops a cap in a Wendy's drive-thru lackey because he couldn't get extra buffalo sauce, don't they always have some grainy footage of it for the local network news affiliate??

Well, I didn't actually pick the "Wizzit" because I foresaw segue possibilities. Actually I just wanted to mock the chick modelling the Wizzit. It's probably not her fault that she is giving potential buyers a total unrealistic imagining of themselves using the Wizzit. One does not make this dreamy smiley face when engaged in unwanted facial hair removal. And furthermore...what the @#$%^ is she looking at? When I do this, I am looking at my philtrum follicles...or the reflection of them in the mirror, rather, but that still has me directing my gaze downwards...

Looks as if the Wizzit coulda totally been Photoshopped into this shot...

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nothing smartass to say about this, really. It's just that letters-as-trains give me flashbacks to this Sesame Street clip

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Per Carol Wright (she pens all the catalog copy, you know!) the new leopard and zebra prints available for Snuggie are "super-stylish!" I think the print is good idea, but not because I'm any sort of Snuggie fashionista, or because I want something Rrrrawr! to wear on the next Snuggie Pub Crawl, but I think these would work for camoflaging the common Snuggie splotches of shame. Let's face it... you own a Snuggie, it's quite likely you snack in your Snuggie...now, that may not be a fact you want glaringly evident on said Snuggie. That leopard print in particular would be handy for hiding dribbles of Ben & Jerry's... depending on your flavor of choice.

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Don't know if you can read the schpiel on these slippers. In case you can't, lemme give you the first line of it: "Laugh with joy when you wrap your feet in these 80% cotton / 20% terry comfort wrap slippers"

Ok, first off Carol, it's a little rhetorically clunky to use "wrap" twice in the same sentence. But that's the least of the oddness here. It's that "Laugh with joy" bit... seems like you might have been a smidge burnt out by the time you got to writing this copy and overextended yourself a bit trying to keep it clever (and it somehow, inexplicably, makes me think of Chinese menu writing. I guess oriental cuisine has an abundance of "joy" and "delight" in it) Ok, so it's not J Peterman caliber over-the-top, but it's still stupid.

Oh, and if this is not overstating things, and Carol Wright customers seriously do "laugh with joy" when they put on slippers , then...then....I just don't know. Multiple choice then--
a) These people reeeeally appreciate the simple pleasures. Good for them!!
b) These people ARE simple. Good for them (being able to procure mail-order slippers by themselves)!!
c) These people are probably deranged
d) The episode where Mr Belvidere tried to smuggle a pygmy marmoset into a bowling alley-- HILARIOUS!!
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I'm just curious to know.... does a cupcake that is "25 times larger than normal cupcakes" not then qualify for bona fide "CAKE" status?

The people buying this thing need to show some g-d ingenuity and make a HAMBURGER CAKE. I think I have a circa 1994 Woman's World mag I can loan 'em that has instrux...