Thursday, May 31, 2007

Excessive loopiness is a top symptom of the dread CUBICLE FEVER

Robin and Lisa and I seemed to be extra punchy today. Lots of hollering, extra is such a lucky thing that our boss is practically deaf. Generally we save "extra-punchy" for Fridays. I sure hope this doesn't mean we're going to be all sober and reserved tomorrow.

Robin said something I said sounded like Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life -- "Oh you old Savings & Loan!!", she mimicked. And I told her it was not a half bad Jimmy Stewart impression...not as spectacular as her Vincent Price impression, but decent. Because Robin's Vinny Price SLAYS me. She only sounds marginally, somewhat Vincent Price-ish, but it sends me into hysterics just the same. I can't help it some comedic Achilles heel. Anyways... watching a snippet of The Next Best Thing last night had gotten impressions/impersonators on my brain, I suppose, because I then began musing- "I don't know why there aren't more Vincent Price impersonators, 'cause that seems like it would be a lot of fun. You could put that part from Thriller in your act" And then, because we had been discussing Ethel Merman earlier in the day (don't ask) I added, "And there should be more Ethel Merman impersonators. I do enjoy an Ethel Merman impression... doing one or hearing one." And Robin asked "So what do you want-- Vincent Price singing Everything's Coming Up Roses ?" And I said "Oh yes! But save it for my birthday!" She sang a few lines in her best Vincent anyway. And then we were imagining Ethel Merman in House of Wax. It was damned amusing in a totally idiotic way. There were a coupla times today I feared we might get "spoken to".

See that's the sort of thing I wish we'd just IMed about and then I'd have just posted the screen caps. Because when I recap the discussion it's all dilluted and not quite funny and then I feel the need to add an apologetic "Guess you had to be there" end-disclaimer. Sucks. Speaking of IM screen caps, I'd meant to post a chat last Wed and forgot all about it. Here is some stale banter...

Hmm..lemme see...what background info do y'all need? Not much, really. This particular chat was extraordinary for 2 reasons--

1. Usually we get a chat going because we have catty rude comments to make that we don't want to shout across the office & broadcast. But in this case, we actually had a meeting "action item" (that's some neat corporate jargon I picked up between naps one day) namely, whether or not to get something for Heather on account of her upcoming wedding. It was sort of silly...people who get hitched get enough loot as it is, and Heather's pretty bitchy most of the time. Oh, but please note how commendably mum I was on the topic of "Bride & Groom ball caps" I thought that idea was totally gay (and I don't mean that in a homophobic's just that I've way surpassed my month's quota on the word "retarded" that's all)

2. Also we managed to get Lisa into this chat...she usually doesn't linger for any banter...tends to be a good corporate sheepie and use the IM svc for business purposes only. It's really disgusting. I'm glad that we were able to corrupt her this once for just this little while.

Oh, and my remark about Laurel's RR colleagues and all that is referencing back to when she was lamenting her money woes and I suggested, because her apartment is very near to the railroad tracks, that she take on a 2nd job "servicing" RR engineers and maybe (depending on how very destitute she is) the occasional boxcar hobo . I told her it is a rapidly growing field (railroad prostitution, that is) that has yet to really take off in this part of the nation, but has flexible hours & she could do coffee breaks in her very own kitchen. So we joke about how she's adopted this as her part time gig. We kid...but I think secretly, internally she maybe seriously weighing the pros & the cons...


It's time to re-do my PC decor . My current pic is really very lovely but it's very MAY-ish, and I don't want it on there when June commences. Hey, don't take my word for it....see for yourself...very May-ish (complete with a caption "L'Arbre de Mai")

So as a rite of ushering in June, I shall redecorate my desktop tomorrow. I was kind of in the mood to break from fine art and go with a Sesame Street motif for a few weeks.

Whilest on this quest, I stumbled on to this page---

Now, while I am utterly enchanted by the phrase "Sesamize your Banana!!" I was disheartened to see that the wallpaper is for cell phones ONLY and not a one of 'em is a freebie. So even if I did own a cellular banana that was so fancy, I wouldn't want to pay for these wallpapers. It's not because I don't think they're worth it...on the contrary, I think it is absolutely priceless when that shady Muppet dude tries to sell Ernie black market letters (Psst! Would you like to buy an O?? Indicated on the screen cap by the hot pink arrows I drew in..) I'm rather sentimental about my Sesame and it just feels like. . . like...EXTORTION. Ohhhh, how I would love to have the Noo-noo-noo nah nooo typewriter dude on my desktop, but I'll just have to find him elsewhere online I guess. When you click on these , you only get an image slightly bigger than thumbnail size, and then you can't right click on it. Bastards.

I'll show them. I'll devise my own nostalgic Sesame Street PC wallpaper. A collage of sorts. I could use...

A' la Peanut Butter Sandwiches!! Who are these strange pudgy ladies crowding so close behind Mumford?? Hmmm. Well, it's a well-known fact: magicians do get tons of groupies. Even ones with frightening stage names like MINDFREAK (maybe especially Monsieur Mindfreak...poaching JT's castoffs these days...)

and more Grover (I adore G)...

and OF COURSE Don Music. That volatile musician type--- gets more groupies than Mindfreak & Mumford combined, yo. He is beyond magnificent.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

He wasn't my absolute fave on Match Game (that honor goes to Mr Richard Dawson) but still, I was heartily bummed to hear that Charles Nelson Reilly died this past weekend...

cool beans

At first this HORRIFIED me, because I rather enjoy beans (especially when they accompany hot dogs. MMMMmmmm HOT DOGS). But upon closer inspection of the can I saw that it said "in Tomato Sauce" and while that doesn't reduce these to the rank of the lowly , foul lima bean, it's still not an optimum way to serve up baked beans. So then I felt it was okay to laugh.

I'm your huckleberry

It intrigued me to learn today that big nosed Kate, Kate Elder, Kate Fisher, Kate-- oh, well, she had 3 or 4 other aliases, but it was all the same dame...she was the Wild West prostitute famous for shacking up with Doc Holliday-- anyways Doc Holliday's favorite paramour lived until 1940, died at age 90. It's interesting how some life spans will straddle different one person who witnessed the shootout at the OK Corral would endure into Prohibition, the Depression, see the rise of movies and the automobile. I can't help but imagine such a life as some broad lensed, epic sweepage of time, but I'm sure Kate didn't have that kind of perspective on it.

Now, conversely, Doc didn't live to see 40. Although Doc Holliday has got to be one of American history's all time biggest rock stars. I feel certain of it. I do realize however, that I owe much (probably MOST) of that certainty to watching Val Kilmer play Holliday in Tombstone. Come to think of it, Val Kilmer very likely initiated my interest in Jim Morrison too. I've never seen his portrayal of John Holmes in Wonderland, but if I were to rent that one, I would no doubt develop a 70s porn fixation shortly thereafter. Did I mention that watching Kilmer in Willow resulted in my having a longtime fixation on longhaired warrior midget sidekicks. I should clarify-- I mean sidekicks to midgets not midgets who are sidekicks. But of course I am only jesting.

I did just recently buy Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and finally got around to watching it last night...
That was muy muy bueno.

Also , I'm very much looking forward to this TV movie this coming November. And not only due to the Kilmer factor. I adore the TV movie Lonesome Dove and this is part of that franchise. Now mind you, I can only vouch for the excellence of the very 1st Lonesome Dove movies as I've not seen any of the other 3 seemingly substandard prequel/sequel deals that followed LD. I watched the miniseries on account of this bizarro Tommy Lee Jones fetish I have and really enjoyed it. I have subsequently found that I enjoy "pert near" every Western that features Robert Duvall (not sure if I've mentioned it before, but AMC's Broken Trail was totally kickarse..) Now Commanche Moon doesn't have Jones or Duvall going for it but it does have Val so I'm willing to give it a shot on that fact alone. Oh, and Steve Zahn plays a young Gus Macrae. Steve Zahn is just adorable.

well it woulda been , coulda been worse than you would ever know...

My 'net perusing got a little out of hand today...on account o' the bosslady taking today off. Which, now that I think on it, was rather boneheaded since they probably keep a closer eye on us peon mousies on just such days.

Speaking of mousies, I have been LOVING Modest Mouse's "Dashboard" since early this year, but hadn't ever seen the video until I checked it out on Yahoo Music today. I heartily recommend, mateys.

dream headlines

MSN has some sort of nutrition related news featured on the homepage pretty much everyday. Today, for instance, it's "Can Coffee Help Save you from Gout?" (intriguing, how they opt to do these headlines in the form of a question, but obviously if the answer was "NO Way" then there would be no call for the article in the 1st place..durrr)

I generally bypass these articles unless there's some truly thrilling discovery imparted therein. Like last month, when this article somewhat posited that booze-soaked fruit may well qualify as legit health food...I was just thrilled to the freeeekin' gills when I spied that one. Anyways, I was ruminating over MSN Health headlines I'd like to see and the uncontested numero uno in that category (the most wished for AND the most unlikely) is "The Surprising Health Benefits of Hot Dogs!!"

Because I love hot dogs. But they are so nutritionally EVIL. It's a damn shame.

Friday, May 25, 2007


This morning there was a bit of apple on my cubicle floor. I had meant to toss it in the garbage and missed but didn't know that I missed. Until I spotted it this morning. CRAWLING with a million teensy weensy ants. Uggh. Blllaaaaaaargh.

I looked closer at the dingy carpet and saw something close to a ka-jillion wee ants moving through it. Ewwwww.

I took immediate but silent action (all my gagging went unnoticed by my officemates, and I never said anything because although I'm known for being a bit of a cluttery slob, I don't want anyone to know the full extent of my hoggery) I zipped over to the stash of communal cleaning supplies and grabbed the most lethal looking, strong smelling cleaner in a spray bottle I could find and a coupla yards of paper towelage. I sprayed the HELL out of the floor in my cubby, then I threw down paper towels all over and did a stompy dance all on them as a means to euthanize all the ants that were already dying of 3rd degree bleach burns. Then I swept all the approximately 3 ka-jillion dead ants into a paper towel , wadded that up and tossed it in the trash. With that bit of apple that I meant to dispose of yesterday. That bastard apple that instigated this whole catastrophe. I'm sure that's probably not the most effective method of cubicle de-lousing, but I'm pretty proud of the stealth with which I executed the whole operation. No one here has any idea of the horrific scene that transpired here.

Oh and after I did all this, I'm reading the label on the cleaner I used (some all purpose stuff called "Fabulous" ) and it sez " Avoid contact with clothes, fabric, carpet , wood, rubber, vinyl, painted surfaces as they will discolor". Ohhhhhhhh snap.
I didn't really sweat it though. This carpet is in a bad way. Es mucho NASTY, really. Probably if it had bleached out patches it'd be the prettiest area of the whole carpet. But I don't notice any discoloration anyway...

Thursday, May 24, 2007

a GIANT post

Recommended read du jour: an article on "Jotun" ( the race of giants in Norse mythology) that was featured the other day on one of the web pages I frequent.

This is why I love mythology...crazy shit like this---

"The first living being formed in the primeval chaos known as Ginnungagap was a giant of monumental size, called Ymir. When he slept a giant son and a giantess daughter grew from his armpits, and his two feet copulated and gave birth to a monster with six heads."

Now I don't know about you, but it tends to wake me up when my feets start f*cking in the middle of the night. Those giants can sleep through anything. Well, that's because they quaff so much mead. Didn't the Giant in "Jack & the Beanstalk" sleep through Jack stealing all his prized possessions? Oh and speaking of that giant...(Jack's neighbor) I always really loved his line "I WILL GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD" Of course, he is more well known for bellowing "FEE. FIE. FO. FUM!!!" but I am fairly positive that in some tellings of the tale he makes that grinding bones/ bread threat. "Fee fie fo fum " is automatically a catchier catchphrase sort of quote...mostly due to the alliteration factor. But I much prefer "I will grind your bones to make my bread!" Soooo much more colorful. And POWERFUL. I think it would be nifty to incorporate into my everyday life. Like when some shithead angers me in traffic I tend to run off at the mouth, but I say the most brainless insults. For instance-- "Fuck you you stupid fucker" is a perennial fave of mine. Not so clever. I think shaking a fist at such a shithead and hollering at full volume "I WILL GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD!!" would have a much more impressive effect. I like that idea.
Oh another intriguing factoid about the jotun... according to this article (because, you're not really going to read it are you? DON'T lie to me...ok, it's fine..I didn't think you were..)

"According to Scandinavian folklore, giants can't stand the sound of church bells, and therefore must live far from civilization, in the mountains or the most remote forests. When they sometimes travel to human society, their main objective seems to be the silencing of this clamor by throwing large boulders at churches. "

A giant-hurled boulder busting through the church wall--I lingered over that notion for a while. That might serve to wake some parishoners up, but I think, overall that would be a BAD thing. Imagine if it wasn't during mass...instead some pissed off jotun decided to go church trashing on YOUR wedding day!! That could seriously louse things up (although if you didn't die, it would sure make for a stellar anecdote, am I right??)

I wonder if my church has a Jotun Defense Fund....

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Joe Cocker one awesome possum!! I mention this because I am listening presently to my Joe Cocker "Gold" Greatest Hits CD.

CD highlights...

"Feelin' Alright" -- has always been a fave of mine

"With a Little Help from my Friends"-- ok. The real reason I like this is that it invariably conjurs up warm memories of Kevin Arnold & co.

"Delta Lady"-- muy bueno

"Cry Me a River" -- Probably my favoritest. Lisa caught me unawares yesterday ---I was listening to it and shimmying and head bopping accordingly. She found that mighty amusing. I love the piano on this one. I think "rollicking" is the adjective I want to use here. It has a "rollicking" piano riff....can you say riff in regards to non-guitar instruments??

"You Are So Beautiful"-- Overall the song kinda bores me but the very end of it never ceases to amuse me. His croaked out, cracky, emotional "tooo meeeee" is probably poignant to most but I find it hellah funny.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

shopping coup

I hate it when there's moolah in your checking acct, but due to not-yet-quantified expenses in your immediate future, you cannot touch said moolah. I am in this very fiscal condition at present. YUCK.

But I went to Encore Books just the same...before you scold me....let me interject that I had a $10. credit. I thought it was a relatively harmless way to satiate my spend-lust provided I could keep the grand total close to that $10 mark. My grand total was $11.98 so...(work it out, matheletes!!) I only did $1.98 worth of harm. I got this book , which, I am ashamed to say I started in on straight away. Ashamed, because I have been reading Our Mutual Friend and have gotten just 1/2 of the way thru, but I got wary of's a friggen HUGE book!! So, I skipped ahead and read all of the Bella/John "Rokesmith" parts and then put the book "on hiatus". But I hate it when I do that. Shows a lack of perserverence on my part. So I MUST (after a break) return to the Dickens book. I am entrusting y'all to nag me about that. Capisce??

Also I bought "The Bubbly Deck" which is a deck of informational cards all about champagne. Probably 1/3 of the deck is general facts & history of bubbly, and then the rest is different cocktail recipes that use champagne. That's something me & Chris Rock have in common: I love champagne ('member that song??) I would like to become some kind of self-taught champagne expert but I haven't the sufficient funds for the field research. One thing I thought was interesting was the card about bottle sizes. It seems they can't just be classed as bottles, and then just differentiate between bottles by adding how many oz of bubbly--y'know a 25 oz bottle, and then call the next largest a 50 oz bottle...etc. Nope. Not poetic enough. Each different size must have a name. I love that actually. I tried to scan that card and then post its image here, but unfortunately the resulting PDF was too dark too make out. I shall have to transcribe the info then...

This amt./size of bubbly called a..............{fancyschmancyname}

quarter of a bottle (6.3 oz) ....................................................................."Split"

half of a bottle (12.7 oz)....................."Half Bottle" (okay, that one is not overly "fancyschmancy")

bottle (25.4 oz). ..............................................................................."Bottle" (again, not so fancy )

2 bottles (50.7 oz)...................................................................."Magnum" (NOW we're gettin' fancy)

4bottles (101.4 oz).............................................................................."Jeroboam"

6 bottles (156 oz) ................................................................................."Rehoboam"

8 bottles (202.8 oz).............................................................................."Methuselah"

12 bottles (307.2 oz) ............................................................................."Salmanazar"

16bottles (416 oz) ..................................................................................."Balthazar"

20 bottles (520 oz). ..............."Nebuchadnezzar" (trivia: this happens to be what my folks were going to
name me if I'd been a boy-child )

36 bottles (936 oz) .................................................................................."Sovereign"

Woweee. I find that charming..the naming of things rather than numbering them. Makes me wish we still had telephone exchange names, but I digress. "Sovereign", though, is kind of anti-climactic isn't it?? After tackling those funky, tricky-to-pronounce monikers (all Biblical kings, I'm told) you then hit "Sovereign". I mean, shouldn't the BIGGEST size available have the craziest name possible? "Magnoboamthusbaltchadnezzar" (the third..esquire) But I suppose if you're knocking back 936 oz of bubbly, "Sovereign" would be tricky enough to utter.

Here...just to prove that I DID try to scan it...

a little tidbit about yours truly: I have no skill whatsoever in applying self-tanner. And still I choose to use it because I would rather have my legs appear to be rusting than the alternative, where they very much resemble raw poultry.

Monday, May 21, 2007

summer TV

Summer TV is primarily a lameass thing. But there are a few glimmers of of them being LAST COMIC STANDING.

Now, I was a trifle frustrated with the most recent season of Last Comic but still, overall, I do so ADORE that show and am glad it's returning this summer.

Watch along with me, wont'cha??

I pity the foo' that didn't send Mr T a b-day card

Ahhhh, Mr T. The myth, the man, the legend, the tower of blingy... he turns 55 yrs old today. His real name is Laurence Tureaud and he hails from Chicago.

You know, as Mr T catchphrases go, I think too much emphasis is placed on "I pity the fool". Don't get me wrong, "I pity the fool" is terrific , but I think its very ubiquitousness has overshadowed the IMMENSELY gratifying "Quit yo' jibba jabba". It's a damn shame, that. I am a huge fan of the latter catchphrase.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Weird Rainy Saturday

Was really not compelled to do much of anything last night (that Danzig car karaoke really wore me out, it seems) and I wound up going to bed at 10 pm. That is waaaay early for me. I figured, let’s go to bed early and not set any alarm….we’ll see what time my body wakes me up. You know what part of my body wakes me up? My BLADDER. My brain is all for sleeping the whole damn day and my belly don’t get hungry when I’m asleep. (hey..a somewhat insane diet plan has begun a-hatchin’…) It is invariably the need to pee that wakes me when I do these occasional Saturday “internal-alarm” self -waking experiments. And even then I’ll lay in bed for a good 20 min. debating whether or not I really have to get up and pee or if I can just “sleep it off”. So my bladder woke me at 10:45am. And I thought..Hmm..not bad ..I got 12+ hours of sleep but still, 10:45 is not a shamefully late wake-up time. And so, pleased with my findings, I went back to sleep. Until 1:20pm. And then I said to myself, “Get up out of bed you lazy cow!” I got up, picked some clothes out, went to the bathroom again and while enthroned, I was trying to formulate an itinerary for the day and was absolutely stumped. And so I decided to sleep on it. This time I set my alarm --for 1:57pm--granting myself roughly 30 more min of slumber. And at 1:57pm I really did get up & dressed and out of the house. Pretty pathetic. Although that is NOT my record for sleeping in, I’ll have you know.

As Milli Vanilli did once upon a time, I blame it on the rain. Seriously. My bedroom window overlooks a tin-roofed car port and the sound of rain on that is completely hypnotic. More specifically, the post-hypnotic directive it imparts to me is “Snooze! Snooze! Snuggle up to your snuggly-wuggly covers and snooze on, dearie!” (For reals, yo. Rain on the roof is a magical thing….The Lovin’ Spoonful wouldn’t sing about it if it wasn’t)

It has been my sleeping-in experience that when you sleep in in the morning, you get a lot of that lighter Stage 1 REM sleep. Sometimes, my bladder will rouse me at around 4am and I’ll be astonished when I take a look at the time because it doesn’t seem like I’ve been asleep so long. And that sensation, I think, comes
from me waking from some real, deep, hardcore Stage 4 slumber. Like, I was OUT , dude, know what I mean?? I suppose it’s possible that I have a totally flawed, piecemeal recollection of the Sleep Chapter from Psych 101 (freshman year at CSC), but on the other hand I know that I was really interested in that Chapter, so I think perhaps I retained the info accurately. I do know that when I sleep in in the mornings I do a lot of dreaming (and I feel pretty certain that it is Stage 1/REM when you dream) I will dream in these quick vignettes and then my conscious mind will intrude on my dreams and that will wake me up a bit and then once I drift back to sleep I’ll start another dream. This has happened to me a lot on sleepy Saturday, though you shall hafta take my word for it, because I can’t recall any specific examples from the past. I do , however, remember what I dreamed this morning….

*Dream 1-- I dreamt I was going back to college. I actually dream about going back to school a lot. Usually about going to college and occasionally about going back to high school. These are not scary dreams (as they might be for some) I think I might really like to go back to school but (here comes the hitch) I also think at my age I should have some kind of objective or end goal behind a move like that. And I lack that objective. ANYWAYS…back to the dream. This morning’s back-to-college dream had 2 unique twists. The first was that I was going back to college with, and rooming with,my old friend Jenny, who I was friends with mostly in grade school &junior high, somewhat during high school, whom I’ve not kept in touch with and I probably haven’t seen her for 7 years . Secondly, we had off-campus housing …in a log cabin. Not a rustic little cabin, but one of those luxurious Montana millionaire log-mansions you see on HGTV. The place was ginormous. It had 3 dining rooms. I was touring the place all astounded and slack jawed, and I said “ Just think--we could throw dinner parties!!” And Jenny replied “I’m sure we’ll be too
busy with studying and homework”. And then I went about moving my stuff in to the log mansion. Soon after my conscious brain started butting in (eventually waking me up ) I started thinking, “How am I going to make this work?” and “How am I going to afford this?” And began planning: I’ll quit Thermal, I’ll go to work at that answering service in Rutland I used to work for, I’ll take the overnight shift and that will allow me to get my homework done at work, I’ll take classes during the day and sleep in the early evening and between classes….Ain’t nothing like practicality and planning to rouse one out of a (formerly) pleasant dream…

*Dream 2-- This one I recall only sketchily…I dreamt that I was watching sort of a preview for an upcoming movie. It wasn’t a trailer, but they were shooting the movie and some entertainment reporter was interviewing the actors between scenes. There were two actors in Frankenstein make-up working out on some gym equipment while being interviewed…they were all outside though, so I imagine the locale was somewhere like Venice Beach. Anyways, there was one bulkier Frankenstein, I don’t remember who that actor was, and he might have been some no-name stunt double actor. The other Frankenstein (this is where it impossibly gets weirder) was Andy Samberg from SNL. So I feel pretty sure it was a comedy movie. And Richard Dreyfus was there being interviewed for it too, although he was just sitting on the gym equipment and not using it, and was dressed in regular street clothes. Bizarre stuff. Although that dream movie is probably better than “Hot Rod”. Don’t get me wrong, I like Samberg, but I don’t think he’s quite ready for a movie career. And if he must jump in to movies prematurely, I don’t think this is a very auspicious start.

*Dream 3-- I dreamt that I woke up and went over to visit my Aunt Lorraine. I was visiting with her and a bunch of other people came over. I was pouring everyone iced tea when it was decided we should all go to TJ Maxx. And my Aunt said, “Unless you’ve been shopping already today, Sandra” and my Uncle George said “She hasn’t! She hasn’t been up that long! Sandra, when did you get up today??” And (still pouring iced tea) I looked over to the digital clock on the range and it said 12:40 and I said “ I woke up an hour ago” but as I’m saying this I realize that the range clock has read 12:40 the whole time I’ve been there. At this juncture, my brain buts in again. And I don’t consider the possibility that the clock could be busted , rather, I instantly realize that I’ve been dreaming the whole episode. It’s like the time on the range clock hasn’t changed because I overlooked that small detail when constructing my dream. And I think, “You never got out of bed at all today! You’re still sleeping! You’re still dreaming…”
And it was a very Chazz Palmenteri at the end of The Usual Suspects sort of moment.
That last dream is what woke me at 1:20pm. And one half hour nap later, I was up, dressed, and on the road.
I went to Kmart because I needed an airtime card for my Tracfone. Of course I wound up buying a few other tchotchkes too.
I saw these really loud hued, futuristic looking flip-flops and it was love at first sight. But they were $9.99 and that struck me as ridiculously expensive for a pair of flip flops. I had just barely fought off the urge to buy a turquoise necklace that I‘d become insta-smitten with . I’m not usually a big fan of turquoise but this was really cute. It would have looked great along with a silver bangle or two. Damn it…I kinda wish I’d given into temptation on that one. Right now, I’m wishing I’d left the flip-flops and bought the necklace. Oh yeah, I did buy the flip-flops. I was eyeing them covetously but sternly telling myself that I didn’t need flip-flops and it was a frivolous purchase. And then what else should catch my eye but some signage proclaiming “All footwear-- buy one get one 50% off!!” And that persuaded me that if I found another pair that I fancied (and I did..of course) then it was really an unavoidable purchase. Meant to be. Also, flip-flops are in season. Buying flip-flops is a rite of ushering in the summer. And considering the chilly weather we’ve been having, I think perhaps summer needs a little ritual encouragement. And jewelry is a year round thing…no seasonal imperative to buy it. So it always winds up being a frivolous buy. I know, I know. I’m a total nut job. No wonder my finances are always in a somewhat precarious state. Still, I wish I’d bought that damn necklace….
Also I was compelled to buy the Music & Lyrics DVD but at $19.99 there was no way in hell!! I’ll give it a few months and buy it pre-viewed from Hollywood Video. They’re constantly running a 4 for $20. Sale on previewed DVDs (so of course, I’ll need to find 3 other “must-haves” and that will be another o’ those unavoidable purchases)
I did buy me some num-nums-- Sierra Mist FREE (I didn’t check the label to see what undesirous element it is “FREE” of) and these corkscrew shaped Cheetos (which negated whatever redeeming values that Sierra Mist had). I’m not a huuuuge fan of cheesy poofs, but on rare occasion I will get a hankerin’ for them. I also was intrigued by these X13-D Doritos. The Doritos folks have cooked up yet another new flavor . Personally, I like original Nacho cheese Doritos (when I occasionally eat ‘em --you see, my feelings toward Doritos are similar to my feelings on cheesy poofs)in regards to Doritos flavors I am a staunch traditionalist. Their extra spicy varieties taste too much like pain to be enjoyable, and I have been strongly anti-Cool Ranch ever since its inception in 1986 or somewhere thereabouts. Well this X13-D flavor is like this new MYSTERY flavor, and they have an online contest to name the flavor. As you may know, I LOOOVE me a real gimmicky marketing ploy …but I am notsomuch enamored of Doritos. And, incidentally, am in the mood for cheesy poofs today. So I bought a bag for my sister & bro-in-law. I can think of no better contenders for this gustatory challenge. I think a shared love of Doritos & Diet Coke is one of the key pillars of their marital harmony. In this cockamamie metaphor, the marital harmony is manifested as some sort building. Apparently a Grecian-type structure…with pillars. Ionic or Doric pillars…not Tuscan or Corinthian.

Embarrassing Myself in Traffic

Last night after work, I’m sitting in my car at the very congested intersection of Benning St and Rte 12A when suddenly Rock 101 starts playing one of my favoritest songs ever : “Mother” by Danzig. I cranked up the volume to a healthy, window-rattling decibel level and commenced the sing-a-long. To make matters worse, I think I may have been doing a slight head bob. The guy in a truck in the lane to my right kept throwing me looks which I answered with a little shrug meant to say “It’s DANZIG’S ‘MOTHER’ I have no choice.”

My absolute favorite bit is when he bellows “FATHER!! DO YOU WANNA BANG HEADS WITH ME??” SOOO excellent. To give you a real, tangible, grasp on how much I adore this song, lemme just say that in the annals of great songs with “mother” in the title I would rank this one above Mr T’s “Treat Your Mother Right”. THAT is how much.

I think I was in 9th or 10th grade when “Mother” got popular. And when I saw the “Mother” video on MTV I got all TWITTERPATED over Glen Danzig. “Siiiigh” gushed circa 1993 Sandra , “I am going to MARRY that Danzig!!” Really, I knew that he bore the 1st name of “Glen” but I refused to acknowledge that sad truth. Later though, I saw a Rolling Stone feature with a waycloseup photo of the dude and I was like “Yyyyikes! Perhaps I was too hasty!!” Which just goes to show you the mighty allure of that lead singer aura. Any guy who is rocking out with a band on stage is instantly transfigured into a 10X hotter guy. I do mean TALENTED guys, skillfully rocking out---I’m not extending this phenomena to your amateurish bar band lead singers. Exhibit B-- Kate Moss and Pete Doherty. Why is she dating so far beneath her?? It could be primarily coke-induced choice….but I think it’s half cocaine and half due to some mysterious lead-singer mojo Petey’s got working for him.

Friday, May 18, 2007

big Thursday finale TV

Seems like every Friday morning , when I get up, regardless of how tedious and drag-arse the week has been I will think "Friday already. Is it really Friday already?" And to jog my groggy memory I will think back..."Did I watch Thursday night TV last night??" And once I remember that, I'm reassured-- yes it IS really Friday. Kinda pathetic. Oy vey. If ever I acquired some semblence of a social life and actually went out on Thursday night I'd be pretty f-ed up on Fri morning (from lack of TV...possibly also from excessive boozing)

Anyways I did watch big finale night last night--The Office, Grey's Anatomy,& then Ugly Betty (in that order). Here's what I thought--

The Office-- How great was the way they left things w/ Jim & Pam?? It was agonizingly up-in-the-air, but still great. Now, they could be misleading us...feeding us some false hope, Jim certainly wasn't giving anything away (very nonchalant with that invite) but Pam looked like she was dying to bust out with a little jig of glee (too bad Jenna Fischer won't be doing jigs anytime soon...that suuucks)

I also liked the twist ending of Ryan getting the corporate job. It was a nice, overdue, moment of glory for him. I mean when you think about it, BJ Novak has been pretty selfless in his acting role on the show -- Ryan , while he does have his moments of very amusing, understated humor, is very much a background character. Which is interesting when you consider that Novak does quite a bit of the show's writing and is an assoc. producer. Anyways, even though I wanted a wee bit more on the Jim-Pam story at the tail end of the episode, I was still pretty pleased with Ryan's little triumph.

Also I am curious to read Creed's blog. Really. "The Office" is big on 'net tie-ins, so I half-expect that faux-blog to be materializing sometime soon.

Grey's Anatomy-- it might be quicker to rattle off what wasn't disappointing about this episode.Such a bleak downnote to end the season on...although I suppose less of a down note than last season's finale (that was the 1st Grey's ep I'd ever watched...the one where Denny croaked) I missed Season 1...did that end miserably too??

So, what was good about this episode... more than anything, it renewed and strengthened my appreciation for eyebrows. One tends to take for granted how deeply BIZARRO folks look sans eyebrows. And it seems that chicks named Sandra are especially odd looking when eyebrowless..I took particular note of this fact.

I was also pleased that Alex turned down Ferryaccident-Ava/Rebecca even if he is going to be all anguished by his regrets. I do NOT like her good reason, I just don't. Can't explain it, I just feel that the sooner she takes off with her miracle baby & Jason/Jeremy London & fades into oblivion the better. Ok...I have to pause now and check to see which twin that was guest starring last night. 'Cause that's gonna bug me... DAMN IT ALL TO HOBOKEN I can't find anywhere whether it was Jason or Jeremy!! Seems like that would be easy enough info to ferret out but just YOU try and find it!! It's like a damned state secret. I have a hard time telling those two dudes apart--you mighta noticed they're identical twins, yes? Although, I think one of them has puffed up a bit and aged less gracefully so they really should be easier to differentiate these days. I think it was Jason on Grey's because Ava/Rebecca's hubby was a fairly pleasing bit of eye-candy and I think it was Jeremy who has grown puffed up and haggard-looking. Sorry Jer. But in his defense, Jeremy has beau coup awesome points for all eternity for portraying T.S. in Mallrats. Sure, Jason was in Dazed & Confused, which definitely gets more notice as being an awesome movie, which WAS good but Mallrats truly was considerably awesomer. So says me.

In homage, I shall post a Mallrats still at this juncture...

How goddamn adorable was Jason Lee ?? Oh, he's getting old now and I'm sick of his Earl Hickey moustache. I still do love him though. But looking at this pic, there's no denying that Brodie Bruce was the very apex of Jason Lee's adorability. Look at him! He very much resembles the "sink your ball in the clown's mouth and win a free round of mini golf" clown but he is STILL irre-fucking-sistible!! If I were Shannon Doherty I woulda been all over that. Anyways...I have grossly digressed..FF from 1995 to this past Thursday night..

I was mucho disappointed that Christina & Burke didn't get hitched. They are (or were, I should say) the only 100% GOOD pairing on the show. Derek & Mer are too pained and angsty to bear and I can't bring myself to give a rat's arse whether they sink or float. George & Callie I want to succeed, mostly because I really like Callie (I really liked Izzie too, but her recent hankerin' for homewreckin' & related George fixation are pissing me off) A Karev/Addison fling mighta been interesting, but that pairing resulted in barely a blip on the narrative radar screen. But Burke & Christina are a good pair. And maybe I get Burke's motives for the 180 he pulled, that was really unforgiveable timing. Horrible!!

Ugly Betty-- So the seemingly impending Henry hook-up has been put off yet again. The course of true love never did run smooth. I mean, look at how smoothly and easily Hilda reunited with Santos. Reunited, dating, engaged--bing, bang,boom with nary a hitch. And see how that turned out. So you see, the roadblock for Henry & Betty is a good thing,really. Probably if their dinner had gone well they woulda professed their love& hit the sheets, the next morning she would've sighed "I'm soo happy" and that thoughtless, blissful proclamation would have jinxed everything (as often it does) dooming Henry to be killed by falling space debris 20 min later on his way to work.
But poor Santos. His demise might have been partly brought on by Justin's bad karma. I mean, it's fine that he's this fabulous, flamboyant, gay preteen and it's generally a very charming character, but poisoning someone to get the lead in a play?? EVIL. I've always thought he was wickedly self centered the way he --even with all his fashion prowess--let his aunt go out in public looking like that. I mean, I know one of the themes of the show is the importance of one's inner beauty but UUUGH! Betty's wardrobe is over-the-top putrid. She looks like she trawls thrift shops ...not in a trendy way...but picking up the most hideous geriatric rags possible.

Oh, and for that matter, this makes Betty's "pal" Christina evil too. How could a practicing fashion designer let her friend dress so atrociously on a daily basis? Good to know though that she (Christina) has a secret hubby she left behind in Scotland, as her mention of him pretty much ensures that he will come to town to hunt her down. He had better be a hottie. TV is lacking in hot guys with Scottish accents. Sorely''s a terrible tragedy. And no sooner had Amanda dropped her "Faye Somers was a friend of my family" bombshell than we find out that she is likely Faye's secret daughter. I'll say...this show is NOT one to drag out a storyline!! But let the record show, I had already called it. Maybe this will mean Faye's not dead. I mean, it doesn't really impact the story to find that her presumed mother (who is not ever featured on the show) is not really her mother but another woman (now dead) is. It has to link somehow to the present, which means either Faye is NOT dead or the remote possibility that Bradford Meade is her secret father, and that would tie up very neatly in a narrative sense but would also mean she's banged her own half-bro on numerous occasions and I doubt ABC would dare be so controversially icky. At least not during the 8-9pm time slot.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

free beer & hot wings

...that is one hell of an exciting phrase is it not?? Did you not feel a little twinge of euphoria at reading it, expecting that perhaps I was going to tip you off on a way to win some delicious bevvies and wonderfully spicy num-nums?? Well, no, actually I am talking syndicated morning shows on the radio. How deceptive was that, eh??

Q106, a popular classic rock station in this area, used to play Don Imus on the weekday mornings--from the ass-crack o' dawn until 10am. Well, we ALL know what happened to Mr Imus's show (or all sentient beings living in North America know, anyways) I was hoping they would just take to playing music in the a.m. but they replaced it with The Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show Now if you briefly peek at that site you'll see that they didn't name it the "Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show" in homage to that incomparable gastronomic delight that is free beer & hot wings. No. Oh no. "Free Beer" & "Hot Wings" are their radio personas, their on-air handles ,if you will. Not only is that sorta lame, but it winds up being deceptive too. Because even though I am (by now) well aware of The Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show every time I hear Q106 's promo for their show (which never sez "Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show " instead it sez -- quoting verbatim here-- "Free Beer & Hot Wings in the mornings!!" ) I still get this little twinge of "Awwwwwwesome! Free beer? FREE WINGS? I'm on it, baby!!" and feel compelled to lunge for my cell phone to be the nth caller. Thus far I have always remembered about that silly morning show name and refrained from actually going for my cell, but what if one morning I'm a smidge more groggy than is usual (not sure how that would be possible really, but play along ok?) and I DO go for the cell and fall prey to the "Distracted Driving" plague and plow into a road sign or a group of kids waiting for the school bus or a water buffalo? Hmm? What if one o' these days I fail to check myself before I wreck my(self) car?

So like I did in the Imus days, I avoid Q106 before noon. I mean, they do run the morning show promos all day long but after noon I am apt to be more mentally my commute home is not littered with flocks of little moppets awaiting the school bus. And I generally like music in the a.m., not yammering. Although sometimes I will listen to a bit of Greg & the Morning Buzz. Those guys are damned amusing. But hey--I don't want to be too hard on Hops and Barley Bev Gratis & Spicy Poultry hors d'oeuvres crew...after all they did have a link to Mr T's "Treat your Mother Right" rap on their website. Y'all know I love that song, yes? Do you realize how much?

Some interesting mental cud to gnosh on....
if YOU were a DJ...or rather, a member of some popular syndicated radio show that all had to have fancy radio pseudonyms.... WHAT name would you pick for yourself?? In this hypothetical scenario , apparently, "the Man" is allowing you at least the creative leeway to pick your own handle. So...what would it be , kids? Ponder that one...

The first idea that dawned on me was that I would be part of a duo where both personalities used cryptozoological beast names. Like "'s quarter of 6 in the valley and you're listening to Chupacabra and the Sleestak. Boooo--yah!" I know that a crytozoological beast name motif makes it sound like perhaps I'm some kind of scifi/D&D geek or something of that ilk but I assure you it's not nerdy and I'm not and it's a super cool idea actually. But I suspect "The Man" wouldn't be down with it. Probably they'd rule that Chupacabra & the Sleestack was too obscure for the masses. I think you have to be something that is universally understood (ie: Free Beer & Hot Wings) . Whatev.

Oh, oh..another good pairing would be "Jackalope & Hodag" . That would also be tres rad.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Mother...there is no other /like Mother/ so TREAT HER RIGHT!!

I emailed this hiiilarious homage to motherhood to all my email compadres today. I initially saw a fleeting snippet of this on "The Soup" on E! (causing me to hit YouTube to dig up the entire vid) so that probably means this has attained "viral video" status. And normally I don't like to send out viral vids...y'see it's this reverse peer pressure reflex I have --everybody else is doing it, so I don't wanna! But this video was too magnificent to keep to myself. My favorite thing was this bit: "M is for the moans and the miserable groans from the pain that she felt when ah was boan" And of course he continues on " O is for the oven, T is for ..etc etc with the H-E-R , yadda yadda yadda you get the drift. But none are as priceless as that first line of the verse. I musta replayed just that line 4 or 5 times, it was cracking me right the @#%$ up. (I would have been ROTFLOL** but I don't really have enough cubic footage in my cubicle for that sort of thing. I wished it had made LMAO as I have a bit of a fat A. Still, not sure I'd like to lose the entire LSOMAO a bona fide nerd acronym??)
Anywhooooo, I bet it was exceptionally super duper painful for Mother T if her son came right from the womb with all that blingety-bling!! Yowza! I pity tha foo'!!!

I was pondering that aloud one day (not Mr T's birth..something on..) what are those called-- those cheezy, second gradey, name acronym-izing poems? You know what I mean?? To use Mr T's example--

M is for the moans and the miserable groans from the pain that she felt when ah was boan

O is for the oven with its burnin' heat--where she stood makin' sure I had somethin' to eat

T is for the time that she stayed up night and took my temperature when I wa'n't feelin' right

H is for the hard-earned money she spent to put clothes on mah back and try tah pay the rent

E is for every wrinkle I put on her face and the worry that I caused when I stayed up late

the last letter, R is that she taught me respect and for the room up in heaven that I know she'll get!

First off, (before I further explore this poetry conundrum) I must voice my astonishment at T's behavior...if clothing was such a hard-won commodity during his youth, how can he now , in good conscience, dress like that??? Shorts that short are only acceptable on Thomas Magnum
(P.I.) and track stars ...and only marginally acceptable on the latter.

So one day, (Not sure how it came up, but it wasn't too extraordinary since me officemates and I are rather apt to talk about kooky oddments and sundry bizarre shit) I said to Robin that I would compose a poem in her honor. Then, not being a skilled enough poet to actually "improv" an actual poem on the spot, I began saying something like "R is for the rotten breath she breathes out, O is for the ocelots she keeps..." and then I halted mid-composition (a shame, 'cause I'm sure it would have been a CLASSIC) to ask "What the HELL are those kinda poems called??" I'm not sure if they should even be classed as poetry, really. But there's got to be a name for those..those...dealies. Right??Well, no one in my office knows. OR somebody knew and was gleefully hoarding away the answer. Or everyone was successfully tuning me out that afternoon...probably that was it. Whatever, the case, I got no answer to the query I bellowed out to the general office populace. It confounds me still...

Once I was in this gift shop and they had those poems for sale...a whole bunch of different first names (in alphabetical order of course, the better to facilitate one's schmaltzy souvenir purchasing) these matted plaques, all calligraphy and stencilled know what I mean... delightful addition to any home ..should fit in beautifully with your fiber optic Thomas Kincaide artworks and your Marie Osmond doll collection. I was so happy to find "Sandra" that I nearly bought myself one. I know from research that "Sandra" is not only an unpopular name for my generation, but it's also not too big in my part of the U.S. (that first bit I know from actual research*** and the second part I have assumed on account of the difficulty I have finding personalized goods emblazoned with "Sandra" -- mugs, pens, barrettes, rulers, etc etc... ) In a rare display of will power, I refrained from purchasing. Although, this was a few years ago and probably then I was not the raging spendthrift I am today...

**I detest pretty much all IM-bred acronyms...LOL particularly galls me. That's another post for another day though...

***albeit half-assed 'net research

Friday, May 11, 2007

ready for the weekend

I'm generally a pretty amiable dame, but I CANNOT bear being social today. I find that I'm hyper-irritable for some unknown reason. It makes no sense...especially on FRIDAY, the happiest of all weekdays.

Well I gots to jet now, hopefully I will get more chipper as the day progresses....more later...

Thursday, May 10, 2007

rescue me before I fall into despair-o

Was doing a hugely mind-numbing stack of orders this afternoon and the only thing keeping me chipper was the fabulous Accuradio. They played The Police "Message in a Bottle" and that moved me to enthuse "GAWD, how I love this song!!! " and I kept stopping & restarting it...I must have listened to a 1/2 hour of "Message in a Bottle". And I sang. Badly. I mean, I realize that it's inadvisable to sing along to music you are hearing via earphones but... I really don't give a rat's arse what the yahoos in here think of me.

So after that Police love-fest, I looked online to see how close to VT the reunion tour was coming. Just for kicks, y'know, because I know at the outset that I don't have mad money to fritter away on concert tix. So, I looked at 2 venues...HersheyPark Stadium, Hershey PA (for 7/20) and Fenway Park in Boston (for 7/29). The available tickets are listed ranked by price from cheapest to most expensive. So I skipped ahead to the end of all the listings to scope out the priciest, the "best-o'-the-bestest", because, y'know....dream BIG , right?? Nothing too good for my make-believe summer expeditions!!

Welllll..... Holy Guacamole!! $1063. for the best remaining seat in the house in PA, $1678. for the same tickets in Boston. Yowza. I very rarely buy concert tix, so I suppose I've no good frame of reference. I only know what I would pay and a thou+ is MOST DEFINITELY out of the question!! Shit, for a thousand bucks I would not be satisfied with section A5 Seat 2, for that kinda cash I would want a seat right on Sting's f*cking stinger! Ooh. Sorry. I veered suddenly into NC-17 territory. That was shabby of me..please forgive. I think when I contemplate finances I lose all sense of propriety (in my despair-o).

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

lunchtime yammer. . . .

Right now am listening to Accuradio's Classic Rocktopia station (the "'78 and on" subchannel) and they are playing --to my immense elation-- "I'm on Fire". My FAVE Springsteen song.. I'm astounded and indignant that this is left off his big Greatest Hits album. I know I've mentioned that once before in a post, but it bears repeating...I'm pretty rabid about that song. Which is funny, since in general, I'm not much of a Springsteen fan. "Dancin' in the Dark" is great, and I adore "I'm on Fire", but I'm pretty indifferent to the rest of his catalog. Although he seems like a cool guy...intelligent, and down-to-earth and all that good stuff...

I am somewhat perturbed at my missing "House" last night. I read the episode recap on the FOX website and it sounded like it was mucho entertaining.

Today, I am guilty of perpetrating one of the most wicked, atrocious, and widely disdained fashion crimes --pre Memorial Day white pants. OK, welllll, that is mock remorse, folks. I do this ALL THE TIME. And I wear them after Labor Day. Just this specific pair of pants. I adore them. They are Daisy Fuentes brand pants I got at Kohls. Y'know I can't really think of even one special thing Ms Fuentes has contributed to the world of pop culture, but I LOOOOVE what she's done for bourgeois fashion. I have 2 pair Daisy Fuentes pants (1 white & 1 black) and they are utterly delightful. So I will wear them after Labor Day. And I will wear them before Memorial Day. And I will wear them in a boat. And I WILL wear them with a goat. And with a fox, and in a box, and in a house and with a mouse, and on a barge, and with Large Marge** , and with an ocelot and near the coffeepot and WHATEVER THE HELL TIME OF YEAR I WANNA because they are so good, so good you see?

Sorry for getting carried away there, although I am quite proud to have come up with a slant rhyme for "ocelot".

New product junkie that I am, I have recently tried Diet Coke Plus. The whole premise kind of struck me as asinine. I think, if you're looking to DIET COKE for your daily dosages of vitamins and minerals (and WHY , pray tell, does "vitamins" always get top billing? Do you ever hear of a product being touted as having "minerals & vitamins"?? Yeah, me neither. You'd think there would be bruised egos & squabbles, culminating in "minerals" ditching the partnership in favor of the Rat Pack...a la Dean Martin) then you're approaching health & nutrition in a rather half-assed manner. Now half-assed, well-meaning gestures are really my forte, so asininely switching from Diet Coke to Diet Coke Plus would seem to be a apropos move for yours truly...except...I have discovered that Diet Coke & DC+ are NOT interchangeable, taste-wise. DC+ tastes just like Diet Coke w/ Splenda, which I HATE. Maybe it has Splenda in there,I dunno. Oh, and I apologize for that excessively longwinded parenthetical note earlier in this paragraph. Pardonnez-moi. . .

I've been poring over my EW Summer Movie Preview issue and though there are quite a few flicks that look good, there's only one movie that I am urgently determined to catch in the theatre...and that is Stardust. Totally seems like my kinda movie. Plus, I like Claire Danes. Plus-- unicorns!! It has at least one unicorn in it. That's raaaaad.

I think I want to read the novel by Neil Gaiman before I see the movie (which is not slated to hit theatres until early August, so that gives me plenty of time to polish off "Our Mutual Friend" and maybe another and then read "Stardust") Looks like I have something to buy with my Holiday Rewards $$ at Borders. Yaay..

Thinking of this movie, got me thinking about last year's The Fountain , (another oddball sci-fi/fantasy type flick) which I'd wanted to see but missed. I believe it was hustled in and out of theatres rather rapidly, but since it didn't play anywheres within a 200 mile radius of me, I can't say for sure. But that's in the past, eh? "The Fountain" comes out on DVD next Tues so if anyone wanted to buy me a belated Mother's Day gift there you go. I know I'm not your mother, I'm not anybody's mamma, but you may have felt that I have, occasionally or consistently, directed a maternalish kindness towards you in the past. Or if you find me to be a cold, unnurturing bitch, but amazingly want to buy me a Happy Mid-May Gift anyways....there ya go. Whatev. Just buy it for me, 'kay?? I'm trying to be good with my $$ but one cannot just shut her covetousness off like a faucet, y'know? It's TOUGH!!

Accuradio just played Van Halen's "Beautiful Girls" which, I must confess, up until 2min ago, I'd thought was called "On Top of the World". So I had the title wrong. Fricassee my ass. I'm not perfect!! In my heart, whatever the dang title, this will always just be the Schmitt's Gay song. And if you don't remember that SNL beer commercial parody (Sandler & Farley housesitting, out at the pool & ogling a troupe of speedo clad "hunks") then, unfortunately I can NOT help you out, because I couldn't find it anywhere on the whole wide 'net. Crazy, right? I can find the elusive Gladiator Malibu in all his airhead glory, but I cannot find Schmitt's Gay. And that one is CLASSIC!! You're going to have to trust me that it was hi-fucking-larious , as this was the best I could find...

Oh, did anybody else watch that SNL in the 90s special that NBC ran this weekend? I did. I suspect it's probably hip to regard SNL as having "jumped the shark" around 1984, but I don't agree with that. SNL in the 90s --particularly the early 90s with Sandler, Spade, Farley &co.--was terrific. Sez me. I loved seeing that smutty "Canteen Boy" skit with Alec Baldwin again. That one kills me every time.

**"Tell 'em ...Large Marge sent ya" BWAAAAARRRGH!!!

Monday, May 07, 2007

quick list of happiness-inducing things...

1. My new tee shirt --I was going to post here a pic of said tee, but I cannot find one!! I bought it in the Men's section in Target. Maybe it's tres butch of me but I confess it-- many of my bestest tees are men's tees. Anyways, this one is a vintage print on a light kelly green tee..has the Marvel logo and then a row of comic book hero heads -from L to R: Wolverine, Capt. America, Spiderman, & Hulk. I bought it because I am a comics nerd poser wannabe and primarily because I love The Incredible Hulk (and I like to refer to him with the full title) It really pisses me off that Edward Norton has been cast as the lead in the next Hulk sequel... but that's another post for another day. For now, suffice it for me to state that I am INCREDIBLY irked. Remind me to expand on that some other time.... (back to the happy stuffs)

2. The shade of green of this tee shirt (and the $2.99 flip flops I bought to match) Although, I enjoy the whole rainbow of colors (save for a few shades of yellow & peach that I'm none too keen on) I have decidedly ruled that this is my numero uno FAVORITE color. Happy Crayola kelly green. Greeeeeeeen.

3. The word "cockamamie"

4. Flip-flops in general make me happy. I know they are a HUGE office taboo but sometimes I just can't resist wearing 'em in to work (especially when the bosslady is out, like she is today) They make me happy, y'know? And are not happy workers good workers??

5. Orbit whitening Big E pack (in Bubblemint flavor) How much do I love this li'l pot-o-gum in my car's cupholder?? LOTS! I hadn't realized how damned inconvenient the original bubble packaging (also called "blister packs" so, just by that unfortunate name you know it's going to be a pain) was. When driving, I MUCH prefer the " tilting my head back and dumping gum into my maw" method over struggling with the blister pack and popping out one single chiclet that flies through the air and ricochets off my chin onto the HIGHLY unsanitary floor of my vehicle. It's seriously bad down there, kids. I'm generally a vocal proponent of the famed "5 Second Rule" but with comestables that have hit my car floor...they only get a 2 second time limit.

6. This popcorn that I tried for the 1st time today. I hope Alan's Vending stocks it in the machine forever and ever and ever and ever and....(etc. etc. for long looong after I am accessing said machine)
...prev post referencing Tyne Daly made me think also of her little bro TIM Daly . It has always astounded me that they are siblings...they really do not seem like they came from the same womb/upbringing/household...don't get me wrong, I've nothing against either actor (I *rather* like Tim Daly actually) but they're really dissimilar. I think so anyways.

But that is not my point..and I do have one. I brought Tim Daly up as a segue to voicing my IMMENSE disappointment with the demi-pilot for the Grey's Anatomy spin-off. UGH. I was not enthused about the notion of the spin-off in the first place. I really like Kate Walsh/Addison, but a part of what makes Ads work is the way she interacts with the Seattle Grace crew. But whatev, they were going ahead with this cockamamie spin off, and for Tim Daly's sake, I was going to give this quasi-pilot pitch dealie my total and unprejudiced attention. Tim Daly was my favorite brother on Wings... and I was never a big Wings fan (I still ain't) but I thought he was hot (I still do). I know they set up Steven Weber as the "likable" brother, at least I think writers try to compel audiences to like the Brian rather than the Joe, to prefer Kate over Allie, like Oscar more than Felix, and (in the ultimate example of this dynamic ) to like Ernie more than Bert. But I have always liked the "square " half of these duos...probably (if I want to get excessively psycho-analytical about it) because I am more Kate-like, Ernie-like, Brian-esque, and I am definitely very Oscarish. But I digress. Also, in the case of Wings there was the factor of Tim Daly being hot. And by God, for a 51 year old specimen, he is still holding up very nicely, I must say. Enough gushing...I just mean to say that while I was overall displeased reading news of this Grey's spinoff, there was one wee, lone glimmer of a silver lining in that news item-- Tim Daly. So I watched...and watched with an open mind ...but..OY. It was dreck. Total dreck. I wouldn't say it was a waste of 2 hours....but only because 1/2 of that time was alotted to a regular Grey's episode.
It just had this superficiality, this soullessness, the feeling that you were watching commercial characters rather than drama characters. Very on the surface, very formulaic... I mean , I realize that a series just starting out must waste a bit of their time on blah expository shit, but I don't think all of this BADNESS can be chalked up to your run-of-the-mill pilot exposition. Also, that running gag with Ads hearing a voice in the elevator...that just irritated me. How moronic do you have to be to not realize that that mysterious disembodied voice is coming from A SPEAKER?? You're a bona fide MD and your immediate conclusion is ...elevator gods? WTF? So yeah...not just dreck...insipid dreck. Oh and there was some chick-bonding over ogling the ripped surfer-receptionist guy...that part totally felt like a felt a lot like watching those horrible Yoplait women ("Oh wowie wow , my yogurt is SHOE SHOPPING good!" "Best parking space at the mall good?" "OOoh..yeeeahh..shoving mechanical pencil leads up my nose good!!" You know the idiots...)

Ideally, ABC will do some research and discover that America hates the spinoff, but loooves Tim Daly. And these findings move them to nip this dreckfest in the bud and find some way to send Kate Walsh and Tim Daly back to Seattle Grace where she can pick up her storylines where she left off and he can acquire a McNickname.

Friday, May 04, 2007

crazyrandomnotes & miscellaneous oddments

This is how I figured out that "Flathead" by the Fratellis was the mystery song I was smitten with...

I happened to be in Borders (more on that later) and I was at a listening station checking out the Peter, Bjorn, & John CD and it occurred to me that Borders tends to feature very "buzz worthy" indie type music at their listening stations. Which is exactly the sort of category that mystery song fell into. SO.. I went from listening station to listening station in the POP section, listening to the songs featured on the stickers on the front of the CDs. And that is how I sleuthed it out...
Mucho clever , no??

En route to Borders I was following this ginormo blue Dodge truck that was adorned with a bumper sticker that read--
Jesus loves you!
Everyone else thinks you're an ASSHOLE
WOW. Ouch! Quite a wake up call. I didn't realize everybody felt that way. Y'know, one's bumper sticker is like their proclamation to the WORLD (or at least to all of rush hour traffic). What does it say about one if that is his /her chosen proclamation??? Methinks it sez you're kinda assholish (oh no, NO! Not YOU..this dude with the crass bumper sticker) Another perturbing thing I spied while in traffic-- this lady driving a minivan with her dog on her lap. I mean it sure wasn't of Marmaduke or Clifford proportions, was just a little Lhasa Apso or something like that but..hey... still not safe driving practices there, ma'am. I considered, for uno momento, doing a citizen's arrest, but opted to just let her go with a disapproving glare.
So I hadn't been to Borders in a looong while...mostly on account of my being destitute. But the Borders Rewards folks sent me an email insisting "Use your $16.49 Holiday Rewards balance now!!" I don't need much convincing to go shopping, but there's the fact that I believe the grossly misguided Borders honchos are doing away with the Holiday Rewards aspect of the Rewards program (looking less rewarding with every program alteration) so I was EXTRA motivated by a sense of "use-it-or-lose-it" urgency. I figured..spend approx 20 buck at Borders...NO PROBLEMO. But it was the weirdest thing...I couldn't get enthusiastic about buying anything. And-unprecedented phenomenon--I walked out empty handed. Could it be that my materialism has atrophied from disuse?? Perish the thought!! I'm going to chalk it up to excessive pressure to perform brought on by the aforementioned "use-it-or-lose-it" urgency. You know what I almost bought?? Christy --the entire series on DVD. Yes, yes I AM that dorky. But it really wasn't shame-of-dorkiness that barred me from making this DVD purchase... it's just that it's rare that I can bring myself to buy TV shows on DVD. Seems unlikely, as I am rather a fan of the boob tube, but it's just that I have it ingrained in my noggin that TV is supposed to be a free commodity. Oh well, yeah, I have heard that some people pay monthly for cable (but that has not been my experience). I especially couldn't buy DVDs of a series like, saaaay, Seinfeld that I happen to know is playing in syndication 300 times daily on any given channel. Well I have bought TV show DVDs before..a few... I have bought sets of Sesame Street (an Old School SS boxed set) , the Electric Co, & Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (all those utterly unavoidable--because I love them so) and I've bought some PeeWee's Playhouse DVDs (2 of 'em...that was because I adore that show and because Hollywood Video had broken up the set and was selling individual 3 episode DVDs amongst their very reasonable previewed DVD selections) also I own Season 1 of Mork & Mindy (I have no good explanation for that. Temporary insanity??) But really, all that said, I truly DO have an aversion to buying TV shows on DVD. So that prevented me from putting my $16.49 in holiday rewards moolah toward Christy. Today though, I have a feeling that I will eventually end up owning that anyways. I really loved that show. I don't really remember all that specifically why...I just did. A few things that do stick out in my mind...
* Tyne Daly was on that show and her character was constantly saying "thee " and "thou" and it came off really redunkulous. Miss Alice (that was the character name... it's all coming back to me now) probably had some important things to say , but probably nobody could get past her doofy Biblical English to pay attention (possibly why she had to hire on Christy)
*Lovely scenery (actually shot on location in the Smoky Mtn area of TN)
*characters had such folksy oddball names-- Ruby Mae, Fairlight, Zady, Little Burl, etc, etc...
*and most importantly, watching this show was when I first recognized the allure of the Scottish brogue. The crux of the show (at least to me) was Christy having to choose between this nice but chronically bland minister who was head-over-heels for her and a SCOTTISH doc who was head-over-heels for her . I need not tell you that I was rooting for Dr MacNeil. Probably if they'd had Dr MacNeil played by a trained raccoon I would've rooted for long as they dubbed in that hubba-hubba Scottish brogue. Mmmm.

mystery solved!

I figured out the mystery song (see yesterday's post) it's "Flathead" by the Fratellis

More on my mad-clever mystery-solving wizardry later...

Thursday, May 03, 2007


That is, verbatim, what I yelled a minute ago when I grabbed my soda in just the right manner to cause the lid to spring off and then I dumped soda all over the f-ing place-- on my keyboard, my legs, the floor. But, mindful that my customer service comrades were on the phone, I managed to keep my profanity impulse in check.

Bully for me. Not so bully about the faint splotchy stain on my right pant leg. Bah.

Some other songs I wanted to comment on...

"Candyman" -Christina Aguilera-- Like candy, this song has no nutritional value whatsoever, and so I feel like I really ought not like it. But I do. ..mostly due to the shouted "Tarzan & Jane swingin' on a vine/sippin' from a bottle of vodka double wine" bit. Would still like to know what the*&^%$# "vodka double wine" is...

"Glamorous"--Fergie-- Another guilty pleasure. I feel guilty liking any song by awful Fergie.. but I can't help liking this one. I don't quite know why precisely I harbor a grudge against Fergie but I do. It probably--if I wanna be honest about it-- boils down to me being jealous. Every time I see her I think about how she peed her pants on stage. Grody. Thing is, it's not the grodiness I take issue with. It's how she escaped the incident with her rep completely undamaged. It perfectly illustrates how hoochie-mamas get away with everything. That includes pissing themselves. YUCK!! I was pleased to notice that Ferg has a small role in Grindhouse ...since I don't plan on ever seeing that movie, I choose to presume that Rose McG blasts Fergie-Ferg to smithereens with her machine gun gam.

From the "way way back in the day " file... I put in a dance compilation CD that I hadn't listened to in forever and guess what song I was ambushed with (to my immense elation) . I say "guess" but you will never guess... it was "DA DIP" by FreakNasty. I put my hand up on yo' hip-when I dip you dip we dip... Love, LOVE, LOOOVE that song !! Definitely it's on my list of the best ever hip hop /dance tunes... and furthermore on this topic I am also in love with these (of this same genre)

*"Rumpshaker" Wreckx-n- Effect: This was like, my FAVORITE song sophomore year in high school. Which is really funny when you consider it in the context of the super white bread high school I went to. Still, I adore this song. There is no other song in our pop cultural heritage that better captures that singular emotional condition of wanting only to "zooma zoom zoom zoom an' a boom BOOM".

* "Let Me Clear My Throat"- DJ Kool-- I hate to repeat myself, but I must again gush: Love, LOVE, LOOOVE this song !!
*"Back that Ass Up" Juvenile (I also like his similarly nasty--though less well known- "Slow Motion")
*"It Takes Two" Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock-- possibly my favorite party song OF ALL TIME
*"Whoomp! There It Is!"--Tag Team (back again, check it to record, let's begin...)


There are 2 songs I've heard on 99Rock that I really dig... I have only figured out what one of them is...the other one still stumps me . It's mucho frustrating...

The one song I was able to get the name of was "Young Folks" by Peter,Bjorn & John. Very cool & atmospheric....also I'm generally a sucker for a song that features big whistling riffs.

The other song...aggggh...I don't know who sings it and I can only remember fragments of one line: "Well, uh everybody knows you're the one to {somethin somethin } when the {somethin somethin somethin somethin blaaah blah blaaah} " That fragment is NOT all that helpful in doing in an internet lyrics search, since that wee bit that I remember is in like, 4 or 5 thousand popular songs.

I think this coming weekend I shall listen to 99Rock continuously without switching stations... at least until I hear the mystery song in question.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Rise Up

This is the title of a tribute song penned by R Kelly for VA Tech. My initial thought when I read this was: Sir Elton is gonna be soooooome pissed! I feel certain that Elton John was probably just days away from releasing Candle in the Wind '07. And then R has to go and steal his thunder. And statutory rape that thunder. Then pee on it.

Sorry, sorry, that was cruel of me...even if a hogger like R Kelly is like, the last person I would want writing/recording my tribute/benefit song....even if I'm sure that said song is going to be a huge pile of dreck (albeit accordingly HOKEY..haa) it's still a rather nice thing to do.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I was very sad to read THIS tonight...

EXCELLENT part of your balanced breakfast, dudes!

Dudes... I totally used to eat this cereal. I shit you not. It was delicious and happiness inducing.

Also I used to have a Bill & Ted game for my Gameboy. I wasn't very skilled at it & couldn't make it past level 3. In fact , I was utter crap at nearly all my Gameboy games (except Kirby) which is probably why I sold my Gameboy & all my Gameboy games in a very fine carrying case in a yard sale for $10. I wish I had not done that. Baaah.

HERO worship

I wish tptb@ Heroes would simplify Hiro's powers. Time freezing is rad enough and I'm cool with the teleportation too but any story with time travel tends to make my noggin ache. Although I suppose anyone who can teleport themselves through space can teleport through's sort of a package deal. At least that was my understanding of the time-space continuum (held over from when I made that flux capacitor prototype for junior high science fair) I suppose the whole time travel premise is a hellah fun hypothetical playground for a script writer, but it usually just baffles yours truly... zipping off to 2525 to fuck around with future events, journeying to the past to alter history and the ramifications thereof... BAH. I can't even handle it. Consider, for instance, what if Marty McFly, on his jaunt back to the '50s had had a sociopathic break and killed Doc Brown? Perhaps he'd heard the ol' fruit exclaim "GREAT SCOT!" one too many times and so he on purpose accidentally backed over him with the DeLorean... It could happen..Doc Brown is a smidge abrasive to the nerves, don't you think? Anyways, if future-Marty kills 1955 Doc, then the time travelling DeLorean was never invented...the same time-travelling DeLorean that enabled future-Marty to kill 1955 Doc so would that not negate the 1955 murder? And Doc, not having been murdered, would go on to create the time travelling De Lorean...the DeLorean that takes future-Marty back to 1955 where he kills Doc.... and...OWWWIE MY HEAD!! Y'see what I mean about time travel tales? All that said, Back to the Future is worth the headache partly because of the huge 2min of screen time that a young (&foxy) Billy Zane gets (he is one of 1955 Biff's thuggish pals) but mostly due to the terrific Mr Crispin Glover (he is your density!!)

But back to Heroes for a spell, shall we??
Aside from my general dislike of time travel plots, there were other things I disliked about this episode (things I liked too, but let's dispense with the bitching first, eh??) Probably the MOST distressing development of 2012 is that future Parkman is a total douchebag. Yeah, yeah, I know, estrangement from his son has embittered the dude but still... he has no good excuse for the extremes of douchebaggery that he has sunk to, I mean, he like, SHOT BENNETT ok? Ain't no excusing that!!!
Also, I didn't like Nik-sica & Peter being a future item. I see why it's necessary (as the show is scarce on female characters not related to the Petrellis) but I still no likey. I just cannot warm up to Ali Larter, although I do find her & her character(s) vastly preferable to that lame-arse Simone (whom I've heard is UNFORTUNATELY not as dead as we was lead to believe. But that was a rumor...hopefully a groundless falsehood)
Things that were good-- HRG Bennett continuing on the path of being an awesome renegade. Initially -when I started watching Heroes-- I found HRG to be slightly creepy and offputting, but, maaan, after he made good in the " Company Man" episode, I did a total 180 on my feelings for the guy. So I was glad to see future Bennett was still a good egg.
I also enjoy Peter being a badass for a good cause. They gave future Petey a grizzled makeover with a smattering of stubble and (of course) a scar (that universal symbol for "I've-been-through-a-lot-of-shit-that-has-robbed-me-of-my-naivete-and-made-me-world-weary-and-jaded") But even with the "dark Peter" look, there was never a doubt in my mind that he was a good guy.
The preview for next week's episode was tres intriguing. Who is this little poppet Molly ? The only one that can stop Sylar? Does she bend people's will via the power of her cute little girl cuteness? HRG's late protege Eden was a will bender (though I don't believe she used little girl cute-power) why not? I think they should have a few people with duplicate powers...having each new Hero bring something new to the table...well it's interesting for sure, but a bit too neat and Justice League-y. Oh this vexes me...I guess this Molly has already been on the show..according to IMDB anyways. I really only started watching this show around ep#10...yeah so, apparently I missed something. Grrrr...I hate being an uninformed Janey-come-lately.

Let's travel back in time to the time of my tangent about time travel...set the coordinates for-ohhh, 4 or 5 paragraphs ago. I did want to point out that there was one time travel flick that I thoroughly enjoyed with absolutely no headachey side effects..and that movie was Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. If I were going to time travel, I think a phone booth would be the bestest ride ever. Concealment is a bit of a problem, but that minor negative is totally outweighed by the bonus of not having to deal with murderous foreign Plutonium purveyors (see Doc Brown; De Lorean ) And the Yellow Pages that come with seem quite handy dandy & user friendly.
I just cannot say enough good things about that movie (oh,and the sequel is fairly rad as well). Bill S Preston Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan....just those names amuse the shiz-nit outta me (sometimes it amuses me to tack an esquire to the end of my name. It is absolutely delightful...I recommend it!!).
And --it's way sappy of me but --I love when Abe Lincoln imparts his inspirational message to the student body of San Dimas High. "Be excellent to each other"'s really kinda moving. If Bill & Ted were to change the course of world history the way they are fictitiously supposed to...daaang, I can't see anything but good coming out of that. Seriously, I am ready for the reign of Wyld Stallions. In conclusion.... SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!!!