things about impending termination: a short list

Sorry to drone on excessively about this lousy bullshit. It's uhh, kinda on my mind though.

1. RELOCATION-- This was an option put before me. They have a few openings to fill in the Texas customer care center and they were urging us to put in for the jobs. The co. would chip in up to $5000 toward relocation costs. Nance seemed to really think that Robin and I (in particular) would jump at this chance...simply because we are the only 2 in the department who are single sans dependents.
There is ONE THING that makes the idea of relocation to TX customer care appealing-- the job would be guaranteed. There is somewhat of a draw in that. But even though I loathe job hunting, find it to be a colossal pain in the ass, etc etc, I do believe I can do better than this job. I mean, for somebody to relocate for a job, it ought to be a GREAT job, an exceptional opportunity. This gig is neither.
Besides, there's the small matter of my family. I have long been torn over the whole settle in this area vs. go forth and explore debate. One part of me feels like I would LOVE to look into other geographical options. And yet, at the same time, the notion of moving away makes me think of my nieces & nephew growing up and changing and me only getting brief flashes of this process via email and sporadic visits and that just makes me heartsick. I would miss my sister terribly. I would, I'm sure, miss my parents too, but I even think I would worry about them even more than I'd miss them. Oh shit..this tangent is making me sad...I'm going to take a moment and try to regain my preferable previous disposition -- pissed off and bitter.

2.Hugs,Chocolate, Dinner-- Alriiiight, this makes me feel good and angry!!
When Nance has come to town previously, just for regular meetings or whatever, we've often gone out as a dept and had dinner on the company's dime. Well, we knew last week she was coming into town (but were clueless as to why) and had planned to go out to the Weathervane Mon night. But then Nance's arrival was delayed and, subsequently so was this dinner.
Then at this meeting, after breaking this shitty news to us, Nance says "We can have dinner tonight if you all want" Umm.. no thanks. Sure, there most definitely IS part of me that wants to wring every perk & peso outta this company that I can. However, I don't fancy the notion of breaking bread with the broad who just fired my fired ass. Maybe that's petty of me, but that's how I feel.

Later in the afternoon, there was a big bag of Lindt chocolates on our conference room table. So naturally, I gobbled up a couple of milk chocolate truffles. When there is chocolate to be had, I partake--this is like a hard-wired reflex. But moments later, I had an awful thought. I IMed Robin :"WHO were those chocolates from??" She confirmed my fear--NANCE had bestowed them. If I had known that , I wouldn't have touched the @!#$%ers. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE sweet delicious chocolate. Nevertheless, you keep your filthy severance truffles, Nance. F-ing choke on 'em.

And even later in the day, before she left to head to the airport she came around to offer goodbyes and sorrys to everyone. I heard her over the cubby wall talking with Lisa...then Robin.. Suddenly, it dawned me: oh holy HELL...she's fucking HUGGING everyone. I didn't want hugs from her when I was gainfully employed, how the hell does she think I feel NOW?

Look I realize it's NOT personal. I'm still miffed. I can't help it. Whatev.

I did (in case you were wondering) manage to eschew the hug. I availed myself of a few unsubtle nonverbal cues-- crossed my arms and pulled my chair right tight up to my desk (edge of the desk jutting into my abdomen). That was enough to tip her off that I wasn't keen on hugging. Which is good, because if she had gone in for a hug, I might've had to "check" her like some hockey ruffian.

3. No tears-- It's totally warped of me to be so gratified over this. But I did NOT cry. I have not cried. At the meeting, I sat between Laurel & Robin--both weeping copiously. I was eating a bag of mini muffins and acting as envoy of the communal box of Kleenex.

4. I have decided to NOT tell my parents about this foul development until after I've gotten another gig. My sister was surprisingly supportive of this idea when we met for lunch. She's usually telling me how I suppress too much and trying to get me to be more forthcoming. I guess she just must see the undeniable logic of keeping my parents uninformed.

5.And finally--THE SILVER LINING. I went out for dinner & drinks last night with Roxanne and Heather and it was *just* what I needed. I am very fortunate in a lot of ways-- all the ways that really matter, y'know?
In addition to all my friends being totally wonderful, I also had a reminder of how much worse things could be. On my lunch break, I had to run to Borders to return Wives & Daughters (the copy I ordered came in with a CRACKED DISC! How pissed was I? But that wound up being another high point of the day, because the Borders clerk was totally cool and easy to work with --he was pretty easy on the eyes too, come to think of it) anyways, while at Borders I ran into Greg's sister and her aunt (whom she was quite close to) just died. She'd been terminal with cancer for a while and passed away just last week. Well, I'd been grousing about my job situation (jobless situation) and it suddenly occurred to me that I had never offered my condolences. I am crap about sending cards, so of course, I'd not done that. So in the middle of my griping I stop and offer up a very clumsy "Oh, and I was REALLY SORRY to hear about your Aunt Joyce" (lame, right?) and gave her a hug.
Anyways, that interlude got me to thinking on how really insignificant my complaints were. It's a pain in the ass to be sure, but certainly not the worst of predicaments!!