The Alarming Case of Monsieur Mackerel

Thursday morning when I drove down Benning St (a street which culminates in my company's parking lot) I noticed a police cruiser parked in the pull off. I thought : Wooahh, the po-po! What's THAT all about?
but I really didn't suspect anything more sinister than a speed trap.

WELL...

As I'm doing my first inbox sweep of the day, I open up this email from the head of HR. Addressed to everyone at the NH site, it read : "Effective immediately Brian Mackerel * does not work for Thermal Dynamics. DO NOT let Brian in the building. The Lebanon police are assisting us in this matter."

{ *not his real name. Real surname withheld in case -just in case-reports of Brian's SEVERE shadiness have been exaggerated* }

Yikes. Fuckin' A. I have very few acquaintances among the production staff (where Brian once worked) and so I've not the slightest clue what this dude even looks like. It would be soo like me to forget, and because of my hard-wired habit of holding the door for anyone trailing along behind me, I'd be apt to let in any Tom , Dick, or mad MACKEREL off the street. I'm thinkin': I'll just confine myself to the vicinity of my own desk today. Heey, bet there is enough scrap metal out in the plant to convert this li'l cubicle into a panic room of sorts...

So after work, I'm walking across a dark empty parking lot to my car. I hear a truck behind me. So I veer off to the left so I'm not in the path of travel and this truck can go around me. Hmmm.. nothin's passing me by. I "prick up " my ears... notice that this truck is just creeeeeping at a snail's pace. I expect, then, that it's going to park soon. But no. Keeps moving. Verrrrry slowly. It then hits me: Aggh! It's Brian fucking Mackerel, driving slow because he's reloading his 12gauge!! Haul ass to that Taurus before he can pick you off!! And I did quicken my pace slightly, but luckily I glanced over my shoulder before I broke into a dead run. ..

A mid-size plowtruck was salting the parking lot. And actually, that was a somewhat alarming turn of events right there. I know we've seen at least 10 people fall on their ass in that parking lot from our office windows. I doubt maintenence has expended so much as a 1/2 tablespoon of salt on that bastard all winter. Seriously, there are skating rinks with better traction. OF COURSE, I thought it was Mackerel.

Then, this morning Benning Street and our entire shoddily salted parking lot were utterly cruiser free. So apparently--I am to presume-- the crisis is past. No follow up email on the issue. But hey that's cool. It's ever so much more exciting to be left in suspense, don'tcha think?

OK so, (in case your Sarcasmeter needs callibrating) I'm NOT effing serious. Gawd, especially with that madness over in Illinois all over the news. I'd like to know conclusively that this absence of police presence today means that this guy is DETAINED somewhere. ..