I Have Damsel-in-distress Issues

Damn my insatiable need for java!!

Last night, I went out to retrieve something from my car, my driver's side door would not latch shut. I have had this happen periodically--always this same door, always in cold weather. Usually it takes a little wait, a little jiggling of the inner/outer handle, repeated slams and it magically rights itself. I didn' t feel like dicking around with it last night so I just pressed it shut, made sure the dome light went out, and went back in the house. Then this morning when I got in the car to set off for work, it shut without any difficulty.

HOWEVER... I had a little extra time and, it being thirsty Thursday, I just *had* to stop off and procure a cup of coffee for the ride into the office. Well I stopped at Mike's Mobile and grabbed coffee (3/4 Breakfast Blend, 1/4 Golden French Toast flavor, with Milk & liberal dosing of sugar) and a doughnut and well, certainly you have pre-surmised what happened when I returned to my vehicle. Mothafuckin' door would NOT close. I try the usual routine of handle jiggling and alternating door slams with various degrees of force...I'm at this for 10 minutes and when I see it's 8:26 I realize I'm probably not going to make it to work for 8:30am. At this point I futilely ransack my purse for the cell phone I'd left at my desk at work. Luckily one of Mike's Mobile's many fine amenities is they are host to one of the few remaining payphones in N America. I rang the office 800# (niiice) and explained to my coworker Laurel that I'd be late and why (also forewarned her that I was going to be one grumpy bitch when I did arrive on the scene) And Laurel's like "Oh, yeah..I had a van that did that. I used to have to jiggle the latch in the door all the time to get it to work" I get back to the car, and I'm thinking "Yeeeeah...latch jiggling--I've yet to try that"

Considering my car is such a flea market on wheels, it is pretty miraculous ( &unfortunately so)that I don't have a screwdriver in my car...well I didn't , I should say. I do now. But first, I had a go at the door with the non-business end of a blush brush. It was only after my blush brush tinkering got the latch jammed in the latched position, that I went in and bought a proper screwdriver. Also bought a wee cannister of lock de-icer. And ginger-lemon lip balm (that's neither here nor there of course, although I could use a smidge of that applied right now). Managed to squirt a li'l bit of de-icer into the latch mechanism before I broke the cannister nozzle off in my door. With the screwdriver I was able to get the latch moving up & down freely again. However that sonofabitch still would not shut for me.

Notice a tactic missing from my frantic efforts? I NEVER asked anyone for help. I am so RETARDEDLY STUBBORN about that sometimes!! I need to learn to channel Blanche DuBois (not of The Golden Girls..different Blanche) who unperturbedly purrs "Whoever you are—I have always depended on the kindness of strangers" (let's just ignore the fact that this is after suffering some sort of break from reality and she's being led off to the boobyhatch as she sez that) Even when I get help forced upon me, or I resign to asking for help I am always pretty pissed at my lack of self-reliance. Externally I'm making with the sickeningly profuse thank-yous (which is totally *sincere* I should add...don't get me wrong, I AM grateful) but internally I'm kicking myself: "Awww YOU coulda done that you hapless ninny!"
Anyways, this a.m. there was at least 50 customers traversing the parking lot that I could have implored for aide but I couldn't do it. I was clinging to this insistence that I could--I WOULD-- fix this my own damn self!

Ultimately though, the cashier dude came out and helped me. I had mentioned my predicament when I bought the de-icer & screwdriver. I probably wouldn't have done that unprompted though. He'd looked at my purchases and said "Uh-oh. Looks like trouble" and then I explained.

Cashier-dude said "Are you *sure* it's the door?" And I said (oh so eloquently) "Well yeah. The latch won't latch. So I think so." He jabbed at my lock switch a couple times, gave my driver's side door lock a tug or two. I got in, he shut the door, and THE G-D THING LATCHED SHUT!! This triggered in me a very complex rush of "Halle-freakin'-lujah!!" and "Oh what the bloody hell?" all at once. Initially I was mostly elated and grateful though (the mantra of "why didn't I think of that??" &self-administered ass kicking didn't commence until later in my ride to work) My window was frozen shut...and I wasn't opening that damn door again even if my bucket seat spontaneously combusted. So my "Thank you! Thanks so much!" was totally mute. But I tried to move my lips very clearly. Also in lieu of a universally recognized gesticulation for "thank you" I pressed my left fist to my heart at him. Which, I dunno, probably means "I fucking LOVE YOU". But, I guess in the moment that was true, too. Just the same, I feel sure I looked like some exasperatedly elated trainwreck-tool-wackadoo. I am going to institute a temporary boycott of Mike's Mobile.

I was an hour late to work (and oh yes, I WAS a grumpy bitch upon arrival). My door didn't latch when I got here. When I went to lunch, I got it to latch again. Picking up my takeout, I had nightmarish premonitions of getting stranded at Chilis and so I went out my passenger's side door..much more nimbly than you'd think I could, I might add. Entered back through the passengers door after getting the food, wondering how many--if any-- eyes over yonder in the KMart parking lot were looking my way. When I got back here, I brazenly attempted a normal driver's side door exit again..door successfully latched. I have no fucking idea what to expect when I go to leave tonight....