Top Design

From 9pm-11pm, I took time out from my all-night Dickens homage, to catch myself up on the latest greatest Bravo reality TV offering-- Top Design. I was peeved that I missed its premiere last week, but Bravo very kindly re-ran the previous eppy before this week's (as is the Bravo custom...I LOVE them for that, btw). So I am all caught up...and HERE be my thoughts on the show. Every last, minute, trivial one of 'em...

The Designers--
check here for bios and pics of the rooms ...

Heather- First axed, along with Lisa "mother of Storm" ... I didn't really get a sense of her design style, because it really seemed like she let Lisa dominate their first & last project. Her bio on the Bravo site though, says she has a "historical & progressive" design style. That might've been interesting... too bad she's out of the game. Incidentally, I really liked the dress she wore on her last episode. Great pattern there.

Goil- Such an unfortunate, unfortunate name. Not sure what it means in Thailand, but it sure sounds to me like the unsightly hybrid of a goiter and a boil. Ewww. But what's in a name, eh? Because this guy's really clever. (although, enough with the peppers, eh?) I think he's truly creative and will go far. Let's hope so, because he's such a sweet little goiter-boil and seems to really want this.

Ryan- What was wrong with his oceanside feline-centric bedroom?? I REALLY liked it!! These judges are whack for putting it down. I will concede that the bed was probably dangerous, but she probably LOVED it. Besides, there's only about a million or so kids who slumber dangerously every night on the top bunk of a bunk bed. I'm not sure, at this early stage, who my singular numero uno favorite is, but right now Ryan's in my group of favorites. I think he eschews the tried & true (and SAFE) interior design conventions, and I dig that.

Elizabeth- I like her too...her soccer room was pretty cool. And y'know just 'cause that dim-witted jock boy didn't immediately know what those buckets were for doesn't mean it was a bad idea. I liked the buckets. And probably that stupid kid woulda too if someone had explained them to him.
Also, I also must gripe about how lame-o I think it is that the winners of the inaugural challenge (that'd be Liz & Goiter-Boil) won a measly $100. addition to their budget. C'mon Bravo...you guys ain't hurting for dinero...how about an extra thou each??

Carisa- I wasn't crazy about her first room, but her jungle bedroom was pretty rad. From the season preview reel, it looks like she may prove to be a Type A spazz in future eps.

John- Gee... after his bummer of an admission at the start of Episode 2, I kinda felt bad for thinking he was such a tremendous douchebag in episode 1. For about 3 minutes. And then he proceeded to be more of a douchebag. I thought it was funny, in episode 1, how he was soooo aggravated with having a bunch of "queens" for roomies, and groused that he might as well have been living with the girls. But then when the mystery client was revealed to be Alexis Arquette...he was just absolutely delighted. "She just ROCKS!" he gushed (or something like that). Anybody else note a paradox here, or is just moi??
Anyways, repugnant personality aside, I was actually disappointed by his Episode 2 elimination. Yeah, his floor was unfinished, but you could see where he was going with his design and it wasn't heinous. It certainly wasn't my favorite design, but it was NOT as putrid as Michael's.
Andrea- Her collaberation room (Ep1) was good, but how much of that was Ryan's vision? I dunno. I wasn't crazy about her kid's bedroom though. I mean it wasn't ugly, but just looking at the room, I would never think a kid slept there. Wowie wow--a working Murphy bed. Big deal. And why is she needing to push her bed up into the wall? This isn't supposed to be a studio apartment for a 10 year old is it?
And thus far, I am soooo not getting the punk rock vibe from this chick. (Her bio sez "Andrea is a self-proclaimed punk rocker, and she prefers to live by the fringe and often dyes her hair pink" Surrrrre. If you say so..)
Matt- I like this guy. Maybe it's only due to my sentimentality & being charmed about his comment about picking out jack-o-lantern pumpkins with his daughter. But I did love his Ep 2 offering. I didn't really think the black cloth was the big deal that the judges made it out to be. I thought Felicia's room was way more dour. And how awesome was that wall lighting?? Plus that girl seemed to absolutely love her room...
Felicia- Her 1st episode room was very good I thought. I liked the bench and the round table and the art work. But that 2nd room? Bleeccch! One of the judge's comments was right on the mark--- that it looked like a nice hotel room. Very sober. It was posh, but too blah & drab to be a kid's room. For some reason, the judges glossed over this point, I guess because they were SOOO delightedly in awe of her brilliant, innovative, turn-the-bed-around-sideways move (Holy sh**..pure GENIUS!!).
Michael- I could not take sides in the brief but explosive Michael-John war, because they are both SUPERHUMANLY ANNOYING. Oh, Michael has got his own distinct brand of annoying but annoying (as hell) he is. And I couldn't agree more with the judges' assessment of his room. It did look like a room in a nursing home. Although the pillow didn't singularly offend me (the wall color + the art pieces really made the geriatric effect for me) like it did everyone else. However, I was sorta offended, when they asked Mikey where he acquired the item, he goes "It's a department store pillow!!" with such bravado...as if it is some kind of tremendous feat of resourcefulness that he found anything of merit in (*shudder*) a department store. Not all that miraculous-- you guys were shopping in TARGET after all (wonder if anybody picked up pieces from the Oldham line??)
Lisa- Distracting hair. Reminded me of Storm from the X-Men...except middle aged (hence my earlier "mother of Storm" crack)
I think I would've liked that "Chinese wedding bed" if it had different bedding on it. I am no a fan of Oriental decor (overall, I hated their room) but I liked that piece. I like that it was ornate & old fashioned looking. I would like to see more of that... I would love to see some design with an art nouveau feel about it, but with this crew I don't think that will happen unless it's a specific challenge they're assigned. Everybody seems to be pretty contemporary no matter how diverse a group the Bravo write-up claims they recruited.
Erik- Yo-HO , Yo ho, a pirate's life for me! There was no doubt that that room was over the top, but who cares? His client was craaaazy about it...and the attention to detail, vision, and sheer effort he displayed on that challenge....well, I think his win was justified (obviously)

Thoughts on the show in general--
Todd Oldham-- I didn't think there could exist a host that would make me yearn for that wench Heidi Klum but...ZZZzzzzzz. Todd Oldham may be a terrific designer, but he's the TV personality equivalent of a rice cake. I think, if they want to keep the bloke on as host, y'know, for his design cred, then it would behoove them to invest in the creation of an animatronic Todd Oldham cyborg that will be able to deliver a more life-like performance. I do so enjoy the word "behoove" by the way.
THE WHITE ROOM-- now, I don't go looking for black curtains in every room that happens to be white, but when I encounter a white room that is pointedly called "the white room" that is my immediate inclination. In fact, here at work , there is a place out in the shop called "The White Room". It's where all the loose parts go to be packaged in their clamshells, or baggies, or whatever. Anyways, my customer service crew went there once when we were getting a tour of the Shipping Dept and related areas, and the first thing I said when we walked in was "Ahh..no black curtains, I see" Nobody got the joke. So it seemed I had just made an utterly puzzling statement and so then I had to explain myself. And consequently, the whole jocular effect I was aiming for was spoilt. I shouldn't have wasted a choice one like that on a bunch of my cultural inferiors. (Ahh, well if you're puzzled now too, just click here for enlightenment) Anywho..
in the Top Design white room I didn't spot any curtains whatsoever...no windows either...but if they did have black curtains, they would match quite well with the ultra-glossy black floor.
"See you later decorator"-- I kept comparing this show to Project Runway, which might be unfair of me. After all, they did not name the show Project Design. The Top Design name seems to imply that instead, they're trying to replicate a Top Chef kinda vibe. Although, you know,I've never ever seen Top Chef, and maybe that show apes Project Runway, and if that be the case, strike everything I just said.
Anyways in the premiere, when they dismissed Lisa & Heather, and Johnathan Adler goes, "See you later decorators" the hokey li'l rhyme struck me immediately and I rolled my eyes and thought "Blimey! That is going to be their 'Auf wiedersehen'" (yes, I DO think with a Cockney accent sometimes!) Well, at least it's easier to pronounce. The repetition of S.Y.L.D. at the episode 2 elimination cemented it-- they ARE trying to establish a catch phrase! Irritating. I know the philosophy at work here--if it ain't broke... But being formulaic is sometimes just being LAZY.
The judges-- Comparing this crew to the Runway judges (and I don't have any compunctions about that now, since apparently the producers want me to) the Top Design folks seem to have better poker faces. They are super calm and all stoic when they tour the rooms (of course, they do let fly the venom later...in THE WHITE ROOM) which is a switch from Garcia, Kors &co. who could barely conceal their repulsion sometimes when they watched a runway show. They were frequently making this face like somebody just waved a particularly pungent turd under their schnozzes. Sometimes they'd nod and smile as they jotted something down....but usually it was the turd face.

And that about covers it all... oh wait...one thing more. I found the theme song mildly irritating. I intend to keep tuning in on Wednesday nights, so I'll keep y'all posted as to whether it grows on me or just grows to be MAJORLY irritating....

I was only half joking about my Dickens homage. By way of homage, I watched Our Mutual Friend again. Well my intent was to rewatch it over the course of a few nights and just do 1, maybe 2 episodes last night. But apparently the miniseries is just as addictive on its 2nd viewing, because I could not stop watching until the whole thing was over (which resulted in my staying up until nearly 3am). Oh, and my repeat viewing of this thing reminds me... y'know my schpiel from yesterday about Dickens' wacky character names?? Two more good examples from Our Mutual Friend :one of the main baddies is named Bradley Headstone (and, fittingly enough, he has a scene where he has a mental breakdown/hulk-out in a cemetary) and another of the villains is Rogue Riderhood.