UVTI

Ok, so I remembered that I never filled y'all in on what went down on Tuesday night at that "information session" I went to with Laura. The program was not sketchy and since attending said info session, I have learned the name of it (I got that much out of it, at least) and that is Upper Valley Teachers Institute (or UVTI hasten to their website for the particulars, I'm too dang pooped to type it all out)

The abridged outcome-- I shan't be joining up. They manage to certify you in that abridged 10 month time period because you're at it 5days a week (1 day of "seminar" and then 4 days in a classroom as a "teaching intern") I'm sure it is a very fine program and every bit as highly regarded as they espouse, but it's better suited to that happy chunk of the population who is independently wealthy, or to couples able to eke out a living on one income. UVTI is federally funded, so I could get state $$ for the tuition, but as for groceries, gas, rent, bills etc. in that 10 month period...I would just have to make up hundreds of persuasively worded I.O.U s in my finest calligraphy , I suppose...

Laura said to me "Oh, well if you moved back home with Mom & Dad you could probably manage it." First of all, the truth of that is doubtful. Secondly, I don't care if it's a 10 month program that turns me into GOD, I'm not moving back in with my parents. Nooooooo thanks.

The definite highlight of the evening was my making an ass of myself with my nerves-induced verbal diarrhea. I was a little embarrassed, but was able to shrug it off easily on account of the good probability that I'd never see any of these people again. More than anything, I was pleased that I'd embarrassed Laura, since it was her STUPID fault I wound up there anyways.

Y'see the pow-wow was held around this long conference table, and there came a point where we were to go around the table, and on our turn we give our names, backgrounds, reasons for coming to the UVTI orientation thingy. You know, the standard shit. Well, everybody is giving a rundown of about the last 15 or 20 years of their lives and many of them had very relevant work experience (substitute teaching, paraeducators of special needs kids, etc) and they ALL have these extensive & very professionally impressive backgrounds and worst of all, they're all giving these very impassioned reasons for wanting to teach. Oy. First off, I was not feeling that I wanted to be all that forthcoming with these yahoos I barely know. And the whole exercise had me feeling out-of-place, and I didn't even really know just why I was there. My insecurities were swiftly awakening and they were pissing all over my natural eloquence. (everything needs a good piss after waking up, you know) I AM eloquent, damn it, but believe me when I say that it's hard to utilize the ol' eloquence when it's all soggy and waterlogged from metaphorical piss. And I wanted to be honest...and yet avoid the total candor of something like: "Hey, I'm not sure yet what the fuck I want to do with mi vida loca, but I sure thought a gig with summers off and beaucoup vaca besides would be rad. Am I right or am I right, people?" What I said was not much better. I actually copped a phrase from the blog post I'd typed about an hour before.

I said (roughly paraphrasing here)-- "Hi, my name is Sandra Lemire. I went to college and got a Bachelor's in World Lit and uhhh, nine years down the road I somehow found myself idling in this cubicle purgatory. I have this inner voice nagging me that I'm not doing with my life what I should be doing with my life...which is not to say I know what I should be doing with my life. So my sister {indicating Laura across the conf. table from me } knowing about this dilemma, suggested last night coming to this meeting. But I didn't really have ANY prior info about the program. So I kind of came here 'cold' ...for all I knew she was taking me to some van with painted-over windows. So I'm very glad to be here. . .in a conference room"

Compared to the other attendees...I was shockingly stingy with the detailed personal info. Surprising, really, that I volunteered my last name. I didn't give my alma mater name, any job history, I didn't give the name of my current company or even say what I do in my current job. Gotta retain that aura of mystery, eh? Well, that wasn't so much my goal but I sure accomplished it!

Also, I came off as very wishy-washy and vague re: my future goals. Although, I've known LOOOONG before Tues. night that I have a problem with that!! I think my trouble with setting professional goals is...well part of me, is exactly like Peter Gibbons (protagonist in the classic Office Space). He's hypothesizing with a friend over what he would do if he were financially set and didn't have to work. And he would do...NOTHING. He would sit on his ass and relax. I can totally see his viewpoint. A big part of me just wants money but doesn't want to work for it. Why should I have dreams of being a teacher? Or a writer? Or a bus driver? Or a butcher, baker , or mothafuckin' candlestick maker? In my heart I often just wanna be a vapid heiress like Paris Hilton, born into a lifetime annuity and picking up an occasional extra 20K to pop into someone's fete and coo "That's HOT!" Ahhhh but life and circumstance will push the whole career thing on me. Bah.

Don't fret my pets. I am not fully delusional. In my brain I realize the independently wealthy train has so left the station and I gotta do something to earn my daily bread (such as it is) And also.... part of the great pie chart that is Sandra feels she should make something of herself...that that's the honorable thing to do. I know....yuck. Do we label that pie wedge, "superego"?"Jiminy Cricket"??