Anyways...January 10th b-days of note...let's do this thang...
ETHAN ALLEN ..born this day in 1738. Unless you're a historian-type or a proud Vermonter, you're thinking "Furniture guy?" There is a furniture brand named after E, but as far as I know, he didn't himself craft furniture. He could've if he wanted, of that I have no doubt. Ethan was sooo boss. If I were born 237 years or so earlier than I was, I mighta been a militia wench/groupie. Now I'm just an ordinary wench and it's not nearly so charming nowadays.
CHARLES INGALLS **AND** MARY INGALLS (1836 &1865 respectively)
How kooky is that shit? Charles & Caroline's firstborn was born on his birthday!! (His 29th birthday, if you're all insistent I do the math about it) Y'know, back in my faithful Little House viewing days, I always perceived a slight favoritism toward Laura on Pa's part. Most obviously, with the whole nickname snub. Pa was always "Half-pint this" and "Half-pint that" and "Yadda yadda yadda Half-pint. Awww, Half-pint!" but I don't recall him calling Mary anything other than. . .Mary. I'd dismissed it though. I thought I may have misapprehended the case, on account of my own bias toward Laura. And even if that favoritism were there and deliberate, I figured that element was fictionalized for the TV show. This fact has me thinking...perhaps not. I mean, he had to share all of his birthdays with her. If you're any sort of birthday fiend that's got to annoy you somewhat. Or maybe he just didn't like having a blind kid. JUST KIDDING!! TV Pa was completely awesome about it. I haven't read any of those books but I'm sure Book Pa was equally awesome. Real Life Pa...well, certainly he might've struggled but he seems like a decent enough fellow, I'm sure he was more or less awesome about it (I'd like to think so anyways). So I'm sure Pa was just as good to Mary as he was to Two Ounce. But not in RealLife Mary's favor is the sad fact that Adam Kendall was a totally made up dude and she never got to actually marry a hunky blind guy (or any guy for that matter). Perhaps it was just the show writers' small way of establishing a measure of justice in the world. Sure, Mary went blind and that is a fer-sure pisser...but the Little House writers evened the score by hooking her up with that dreamy Adam while Laura wound up with amiable-enough-but-not-nearly-so-handsome Almanzo. And to further balance the scales, they didn't change Almanzo's dorky first name.
Real life?? Not quite so fair & even.
And slightly more recently in famous b-days ..Grigori "Mad Monk" Rasputin was born Jan 10 1869. I don't really want to re-hash Rasputin's epic bio, but I can't refrain from mentioning the weird mythos of dead 'sputin's wang . So, Marie Rasputin (Mad Monk's daughter) acquired the member sometime in the 20s from some coven of Russian she-loonies, and when Marie died (in 1977) this dude Michael somebodyorother bought a slew of her belongings (member included) which he then parlayed to Bonham's auction house and auction house experts soon identified the supposed "penis" as a sea cucumber. That's right -A SEA CUCUMBER! That's effing hysterical!!! Ok wait, wait...
That anecdote is much more comical when accompanied by a photo of a sea cucumber.
Here we go.
But heeey, with or without visual aide, that's funny shit there. Consider the 2 possible situations...
Scenario A: Someone probably thought themselves quite clever in engineering this switcheroo. Somewhere in this bizarre chain of acquisition, some smartass said to themselves "We've replaced your revered Russian phallic artifact with a shrivelled up echinoderm. Let's see if anyone notices, shall we?" It's totally like those rad old Folger's Crystals commercials...except with famous mad monk penii.
Scenario B: Rasputin had a sea cucumber penis. Need I explain how that's funny?
1 comment:
I do know how to waste time at work. Just a side note FYI - my friend Lance went to my holiday work party with me and started calling an annoying co-worker "Sea Cucumber" and that is now how 1/2 my office refers to him.
-P
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