I was shopping in Kmart last night (have actually been in Kmart a lot in the past few days. . .hmm..) I was trying to find boxed Christmas cards, as I've had luck with the big K boxed card selection in previous years...uhhhh..NOT this year , though!!
Now, I concede that I am highly finicky about what greeting cards I buy. Not just for Christmas, but for all occasions. I know the whole greeting card racket is a giant rip off, but nonetheless I always become wholeheartedly invested in giving the absolute best card. It either has to be genuinely funny (trite, half assed funny cards need not apply) or visually stunning in some way. Much to my dismay,I have very little artistic talent, but I do have a good eye for good art. Impeccable taste, really. ( I know that's pretty cocky of me to say so, but I did rather berate myself on that Baconator decision from yesterday, so I think this evens things out nicely) I do buy cards of the sentimental & heartfelt variety from time to time but it's important that they are SUCCINCT. Cards that go on and on with paragraph after schmaltzy rhyming paragraph are a no-no for me. I mean, when I get those cards, I just glance at the texty innards and wince "Oy..too many words. Pass!"
Anyways even with such lofty standards, I really have found some good cards at Kmart. I've gotten some decent Trim-a-Home cards and some really good ones in the Martha Stewart line. Well Ms Martha didn't bother to put out any Christmas cards for Kmart this year! How do you like them pomegranites?? Maaaaahtha, Maaaahtha , Maaahtha....YOU'VE RUINED CHRISTMAS YOU PRETENTIOUS COW!! And now because there's not Martha Stewart cards, the Trim-a-Home brand, being the only game in town (the only game in Kmart-town anyhow) has dropped their standards exponentially. NOW what will I do for Christmas cards , huh? HUH?? And Martha's selection of Christmas wrapping paper was also substandard. There was a whole lot of it done with a PURPLE color palette. Yeah, FINE , I like purple but it doesn't exactly scream "Christmastime" in my opinion. It screams "Prince" and ya know, Martha, I don't celebrate his fucking birthday every year, so I guess I'll be buying my giftwrap elsewhere. Grrr!
And surely, it is no coincidence that, at the same time she's slacking off on her Martha Everyday line for the K, Martha is all over the TV in Macy's ads with her new BFF Usher. So what I'm thinking is this: now that Martha's post-prison comeback is a solidified, historical fact, she can shift her focus away from the upper lower class and lower middle class ilk--whom she SECRETLY HATES-- and endear herself to the upscale bourgeois. That's COLD, M. Even for a bitch like you!!
OK, well I have no factual basis for that theory, but it sure felt true when I was rummaging through row after row of abysmally unacceptable boxed cards last night.
I think I might buy boxed cards during my next trek to Target. Also have been toying with the notion of ordering 'em online here.
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