Mother...there is no other /like Mother/ so TREAT HER RIGHT!!

I emailed this hiiilarious homage to motherhood to all my email compadres today. I initially saw a fleeting snippet of this on "The Soup" on E! (causing me to hit YouTube to dig up the entire vid) so that probably means this has attained "viral video" status. And normally I don't like to send out viral vids...y'see it's this reverse peer pressure reflex I have --everybody else is doing it, so I don't wanna! But this video was too magnificent to keep to myself. My favorite thing was this bit: "M is for the moans and the miserable groans from the pain that she felt when ah was boan" And of course he continues on " O is for the oven, T is for ..etc etc with the H-E-R , yadda yadda yadda you get the drift. But none are as priceless as that first line of the verse. I musta replayed just that line 4 or 5 times, it was cracking me right the @#%$ up. (I would have been ROTFLOL** but I don't really have enough cubic footage in my cubicle for that sort of thing. I wished it had made LMAO as I have a bit of a fat A. Still, not sure I'd like to lose the entire thing...is LSOMAO a bona fide nerd acronym??)
Anywhooooo, I bet it was exceptionally super duper painful for Mother T if her son came right from the womb with all that blingety-bling!! Yowza! I pity tha foo'!!!

I was pondering that aloud one day (not Mr T's birth..something else...read on..) what are those called-- those cheezy, second gradey, name acronym-izing poems? You know what I mean?? To use Mr T's example--

M is for the moans and the miserable groans from the pain that she felt when ah was boan

O is for the oven with its burnin' heat--where she stood makin' sure I had somethin' to eat

T is for the time that she stayed up night and took my temperature when I wa'n't feelin' right

H is for the hard-earned money she spent to put clothes on mah back and try tah pay the rent

E is for every wrinkle I put on her face and the worry that I caused when I stayed up late

the last letter, R is that she taught me respect and for the room up in heaven that I know she'll get!


First off, (before I further explore this poetry conundrum) I must voice my astonishment at T's behavior...if clothing was such a hard-won commodity during his youth, how can he now , in good conscience, dress like that??? Shorts that short are only acceptable on Thomas Magnum
(P.I.) and track stars ...and only marginally acceptable on the latter.

So one day, (Not sure how it came up, but it wasn't too extraordinary since me officemates and I are rather apt to talk about kooky oddments and sundry bizarre shit) I said to Robin that I would compose a poem in her honor. Then, not being a skilled enough poet to actually "improv" an actual poem on the spot, I began saying something like "R is for the rotten breath she breathes out, O is for the ocelots she keeps..." and then I halted mid-composition (a shame, 'cause I'm sure it would have been a CLASSIC) to ask "What the HELL are those kinda poems called??" I'm not sure if they should even be classed as poetry, really. But there's got to be a name for those..those...dealies. Right??Well, no one in my office knows. OR somebody knew and was gleefully hoarding away the answer. Or everyone was successfully tuning me out that afternoon...probably that was it. Whatever, the case, I got no answer to the query I bellowed out to the general office populace. It confounds me still...

Once I was in this gift shop and they had those poems for sale...a whole bunch of different first names (in alphabetical order of course, the better to facilitate one's schmaltzy souvenir purchasing) these matted plaques, all calligraphy and stencilled flowers...you know what I mean... delightful addition to any home ..should fit in beautifully with your fiber optic Thomas Kincaide artworks and your Marie Osmond doll collection. I was so happy to find "Sandra" that I nearly bought myself one. I know from research that "Sandra" is not only an unpopular name for my generation, but it's also not too big in my part of the U.S. (that first bit I know from actual research*** and the second part I have assumed on account of the difficulty I have finding personalized goods emblazoned with "Sandra" -- mugs, pens, barrettes, rulers, etc etc... ) In a rare display of will power, I refrained from purchasing. Although, this was a few years ago and probably then I was not the raging spendthrift I am today...



**I detest pretty much all IM-bred acronyms...LOL particularly galls me. That's another post for another day though...

***albeit half-assed 'net research