free beer & hot wings

...that is one hell of an exciting phrase is it not?? Did you not feel a little twinge of euphoria at reading it, expecting that perhaps I was going to tip you off on a way to win some delicious bevvies and wonderfully spicy num-nums?? Well, no, actually I am talking syndicated morning shows on the radio. How deceptive was that, eh??

Q106, a popular classic rock station in this area, used to play Don Imus on the weekday mornings--from the ass-crack o' dawn until 10am. Well, we ALL know what happened to Mr Imus's show (or all sentient beings living in North America know, anyways) I was hoping they would just take to playing music in the a.m. but they replaced it with The Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show Now if you briefly peek at that site you'll see that they didn't name it the "Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show" in homage to that incomparable gastronomic delight that is free beer & hot wings. No. Oh no. "Free Beer" & "Hot Wings" are their radio personas, their on-air handles ,if you will. Not only is that sorta lame, but it winds up being deceptive too. Because even though I am (by now) well aware of The Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show every time I hear Q106 's promo for their show (which never sez "Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show " instead it sez -- quoting verbatim here-- "Free Beer & Hot Wings in the mornings!!" ) I still get this little twinge of "Awwwwwwesome! Free beer? FREE WINGS? I'm on it, baby!!" and feel compelled to lunge for my cell phone to be the nth caller. Thus far I have always remembered about that silly morning show name and refrained from actually going for my cell, but what if one morning I'm a smidge more groggy than is usual (not sure how that would be possible really, but play along ok?) and I DO go for the cell and fall prey to the "Distracted Driving" plague and plow into a road sign or a group of kids waiting for the school bus or a water buffalo? Hmm? What if one o' these days I fail to check myself before I wreck my(self) car?

So like I did in the Imus days, I avoid Q106 before noon. I mean, they do run the morning show promos all day long but after noon I am apt to be more mentally nimble....plus my commute home is not littered with flocks of little moppets awaiting the school bus. And I generally like music in the a.m., not yammering. Although sometimes I will listen to a bit of Greg & the Morning Buzz. Those guys are damned amusing. But hey--I don't want to be too hard on Hops and Barley Bev Gratis & Spicy Poultry hors d'oeuvres crew...after all they did have a link to Mr T's "Treat your Mother Right" rap on their website. Y'all know I love that song, yes? Do you realize how much?

Some interesting mental cud to gnosh on....
if YOU were a DJ...or rather, a member of some popular syndicated radio show that all had to have fancy radio pseudonyms.... WHAT name would you pick for yourself?? In this hypothetical scenario , apparently, "the Man" is allowing you at least the creative leeway to pick your own handle. So...what would it be , kids? Ponder that one...

The first idea that dawned on me was that I would be part of a duo where both personalities used cryptozoological beast names. Like "Hey...it's quarter of 6 in the valley and you're listening to Chupacabra and the Sleestak. Boooo--yah!" I know that a crytozoological beast name motif makes it sound like perhaps I'm some kind of scifi/D&D geek or something of that ilk but I assure you it's not nerdy and I'm not and it's a super cool idea actually. But I suspect "The Man" wouldn't be down with it. Probably they'd rule that Chupacabra & the Sleestack was too obscure for the masses. I think you have to be something that is universally understood (ie: Free Beer & Hot Wings) . Whatev.

Oh, oh..another good pairing would be "Jackalope & Hodag" . That would also be tres rad.