a GIANT post

Recommended read du jour: an article on "Jotun" ( the race of giants in Norse mythology) that was featured the other day on one of the web pages I frequent.



This is why I love mythology...crazy shit like this---



"The first living being formed in the primeval chaos known as Ginnungagap was a giant of monumental size, called Ymir. When he slept a giant son and a giantess daughter grew from his armpits, and his two feet copulated and gave birth to a monster with six heads."

Now I don't know about you, but it tends to wake me up when my feets start f*cking in the middle of the night. Those giants can sleep through anything. Well, that's because they quaff so much mead. Didn't the Giant in "Jack & the Beanstalk" sleep through Jack stealing all his prized possessions? Oh and speaking of that giant...(Jack's neighbor) I always really loved his line "I WILL GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD" Of course, he is more well known for bellowing "FEE. FIE. FO. FUM!!!" but I am fairly positive that in some tellings of the tale he makes that grinding bones/ bread threat. "Fee fie fo fum " is automatically a catchier catchphrase sort of quote...mostly due to the alliteration factor. But I much prefer "I will grind your bones to make my bread!" Soooo much more colorful. And POWERFUL. I think it would be nifty to incorporate into my everyday life. Like when some shithead angers me in traffic I tend to run off at the mouth, but I say the most brainless insults. For instance-- "Fuck you you stupid fucker" is a perennial fave of mine. Not so clever. I think shaking a fist at such a shithead and hollering at full volume "I WILL GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD!!" would have a much more impressive effect. I like that idea.
Oh another intriguing factoid about the jotun... according to this article (because, you're not really going to read it are you? DON'T lie to me...ok, it's fine..I didn't think you were..)

"According to Scandinavian folklore, giants can't stand the sound of church bells, and therefore must live far from civilization, in the mountains or the most remote forests. When they sometimes travel to human society, their main objective seems to be the silencing of this clamor by throwing large boulders at churches. "

A giant-hurled boulder busting through the church wall--I lingered over that notion for a while. That might serve to wake some parishoners up, but I think, overall that would be a BAD thing. Imagine if it wasn't during mass...instead some pissed off jotun decided to go church trashing on YOUR wedding day!! That could seriously louse things up (although if you didn't die, it would sure make for a stellar anecdote, am I right??)

I wonder if my church has a Jotun Defense Fund....