I'm an astute judge of (fictional) character...

I think I postulated in an early post that Ernie (yes, THAT Ernie...of Bert & Ernie fame) was not really the jolly good fellow that the American public is inclined to believe. Well, in my disjointedly varied web meanderings I have found further proof of this. From the venerable publication Sesame Street magazine....

These are both 1973 issues...I feel they validate my perception that Ernie, jovial and lovely orange hued though he may be, is essentially a self-centered BASTARD. Bert is undoubtedly the better Muppet and anyone who disagrees is just an ignorant perpetuator of UNIBROW PREJUDICE (and shame on you!!)

Well, let us go from the "Street" to the Runway shall we....

My favorite collection on last night's Project Runway was definitely Uli. My full rankings (from #1 favorite to #4 -worst collection)--
1. Uli
2. Jeffrey (a very close second, I'm afraid)
3. Laura
4. Michael (perhaps you should've let KITT help you design the collection??)

I liked every single piece of Uli's collection and I think that the judge's assessment was spot on (that she makes clothing that every woman wants to wear). My only gripe with Uli's collection was that a few of her dresses were hellaciously high-hemmed (HA!! Alliteration-yay!) Like, I'm talkin', cut right up to the cootah. Aye chihuahua!!! (I'm sorry...that was crass)

Another factor that made me prefer Uli's collection over Jeffrey's was the choice of tunes. I know that they're not really being judged on that, but I can't help but take that into consideration as I am a very musical gal (just ask any of my annoyed office mates). I really liked Uli's music...it was like funky fairytale techno. It was well suited to a runway show without being trite. But Jeffrey's music....blecccch. It SOOOO did not instill in me a lust for fashion. I think, instead, I craved OPIUM. Yes. That's IT exactly! That music made me want to die alone in a god-forsaken opium den. Maybe that was a tie-in to his whole Gothic Harajuku girls motif or whatever nutty backstory he was peddling. I don't care if it made things more cohesive...it DISPLEASED me.

Shitty music aside, there were a lot of pieces in Jeffrey's collection that I dug. His showcase stripey dress with the much ballyhooooooed zipper detailing was nice. Although my faves were 2 babydollish mini dresses he did, one of which was a sort of out of character dk blue one that all the judges were lukewarm about. There were a few shredded up separates that I just didn't get, but overall it was a decent collection. And innovative. That's the keyword, folks. That's why I KNEW he'd win this thing ( not all along, but after they'd all shown their Olympus collections, I knew) . The PR crew has always prized innovation above all. It trumps beauty 9 times outta 10 (unfortunately). And I have found that my fervent loathing of Jeffrey has dissipated and it leaves me only with a faint residue of apathetic disdain for the troll. After his multiple weepy breakdowns on this episode I think it's apparent that he only affected this ultra-defensive, prickly exterior in order to guard his tender inner Jeffrey. You know the real Jeffrey, that's a namby-pamby pastry puff. You may have won the competition Jeffrey, but also you tried to be the show's resident "bad guy" and you failed miserably on that count. In other words: Jeffrey, I've seen Santino, I know Santino. Santino is a favorite of mine. Sebelia, you are NO SANTINO!!! (the crowd applauds wildly)

Speaking of which, where is Santino anyway?? I can only presume that he turned down PR's pleas for him to shill Saturn Roadsters during season 3....I cannot conceive of the possibility that they did not even ask him...that--that-that's just crazytalk.

Not much to say about Laura's collection...it was gorgeous, luxurious, impeccably crafted...blah, blah, blah. Totally no surprises there. I suppose she could've kept the kooky chartreuse coat but I suspect they would've found a way to deride her for that too. Anyways, I particularly liked her long dress with the lattice-like pattern and her kicky li'l cocktail dress with just the faintest chartreuse bead trim at the top. I thought maybe as Laura swelled up and filled out in her gestational period, she might start empathizing with the more rack-tackular (or buxom-er) models and put them on the runway. But nope. She seems to have a genuine affinity for the Mr Burns body type. Maybe it reminds her of her sentegenarian hubby. Yuck. I can't believe she breeds with that dude.

Ohhhhhh MICHAEL. What the hell ails you? I have always really liked you, and so it pains me to say that your whole runway show was an embarrassing SLUT-STRAVAGANZA. Like, everybody in the audience was either stoic or uncomfortable, except maybe for Brandy but that girl is mentally on par with a Beta fish so not much consolation in that, I fear. Even worse than witnessing your collection was watching your stammering apologetic defense of it. "I-- I--I'm only 28!!" Oh waaah. The shrewd move would be a Santino-like shrug and just telling the judges to kiss your black arse. Ahhh, but that is not your way.

I miss you Santino. In my dream Season 4, Santino AND my sweet Malan (and his delightful MMMmmwaa ha HAHA) return to the show. If that were to happen---damn!--- it would take nothing short of a tornado ripping the roof off my house to get me away from the tube on Wed night.

Well I must jet, my pets....