I've been wondering how they were going to still fill an hour time slot on Celebrity Duets. Yeeees, I'm on that subject.... I mighta considered changing the name of my blog to "Celebrity Duets Yammering" or something of that nature, but because this blog will outlive the series, "Random Yammerings" it remains. Anyways, the show has an hour time slot and started with 8 people, now it was down to 5 but still had the same amount of time to fill. I thought maybe they'd let Little Richard ramble on nonsensically for an extra minute per contestant, or lengthen the commercials, or just have Wayne Brady cram the excess minutes with improv-y goodness. Well I never figured it out because I taped the show, both nights this week, watched it with my Fast Forward finger at the ready, skipping all commercials and stupid filler.
I spared y'all a recap last week but I can hold back no longer. Let's see what exactly went down this week, both on the Thursday night voting show and the Friday night result show....
*Jai Rodriguez/Patti LaBelle--- they sang Lady Marmalade on Thurs night (of all the overrated songs!!) and Jai sounded just like a woman. Like, if I had not seen it on TV --if I'd caught the song on the radio instead-- I wouldn't have believed it was a man singing until I had some visual proof. Just like back in the 80s with that song "We Don't Have to Take our Clothes Off" by Jermaine Stewart (I couldn't remember that dude's last name and had to look him up here where there's this super brief bio that's cut off with a mysterious "HE DIED IN 1997" Yikes... made me feel bad about mentioning him just so's I could criticize his femme vocals) Oh, and Nick Gilder's "Hot Child in the City" is another example of extraordinarily lady-ish male singing (I don't wanna single poor dead Jermaine out, y'know) And the slow parts of "Lovin', Touchin',Squeezin'"...but then you get to the chorus and there's no mistaking it's a Journey song. But I digress. The audience gave Lady Marmalade a standing ovation, they just loved it. I think it was probably an audience full of Naughty McSmutmuffins and they'd go
ga-ga for any song about whoring.
Friday night this duo sang a song I liked--Somewhere Over the Rainbow--but more or less wrecked it. They both kept trying to one-up each other with these over-the-top vocal acrobatics. Then Patti inserted Jai's name into the song not once but twice...and the overall effect was the cheapening of a total classic. Speaking of cheapening...Ms. Patti was wearing shoes & wig that were about 20yrs too young for her. Her gams did look pretty terrific though, I'll give her that...
*Lucy Lawless/Richard Marx-- I was genuinely astonished by this performance...I really didn't think that Richard Marx could suck any more than I already thought he did. But seeing him sing live...wow, was I wrong!!! They sang Right Here Waiting (Thurs) and Shoulda Known Better (Fri). Richard Marx looks only slightly less decrepit than Kenny Loggins. Lucy is singing quite well, but starting to really hooch it up. I wonder if this vampiness is her own (her own sexual lawlessness ha, ha, ha, but honestly though, is that a REAL last name??) or if the producers maybe said something like "Honey. You're the lone woman on the show...don't make us rely on Jai for the feminine wiles!!"
*Hal Sparks/Dee Snider--- On Thurs night they sang together on We’re Not Gonna Take It Anymore and they tore it up!! Such an atypical sort of song for this show, but I LOVED it! Hal did do a bit more yelling than singing, but hey--he was simultaneously playing the guitar too, and I don't see any other contestant bringing that to the table (no, not even ALFONSO!!) Besides, that type of rock is more about power and intensity than being pitch-perfect. And speaking of musical genres...Little Richard actually calls himself "the architect of rock & roll" He didn't come up with that phrase on his own and is quoting what somebody else said about him, but still!! He talks frequently like he singlehandedly created rock & roll. Well, he should keep in mind the old saying "Pride goeth before a fall" Old people like him have brittle hip bones so it would rather behoove him to avoid falling. But back to Hal & Dee...their Thurs night song was not-so-subtly aimed at David Foster who has been consistently critical of Hal and sort of harsh to him on last week's show. In fact, he's the same sort of square and killjoy as that guy at the beginning of the We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore video. I'll bet your average Celebrity Duets viewer didn't make that connection. But anyways, Foster didn't like being picked on, so when they got around to judging, he didn't so much judge the performance, but rather used his talk time to again surreptitiously mention what a ginormous success he is. He said to Hal "I want to get you in MY studio, and I know we could get you singing even better than you ever thought you could!!" or some stupid shit like that. Sheeeesh. I wonder if the show would just let him bring in a Grammy or two and plonk them on the desk in front of him and then he could shut up about what a big shot he is.
I couldn't think of what this pair would sing on Fri night (since I couldn't think of another Twisted Sister hit) but they sang I Wanna Rock. Mission accomplished. I noted that Hal had a different guitar this time.. a very cool one. It was all black, but textured...very zig-zaggy. It's hard to aptly describe it...looks like an axe the Wyld Stallions might weild when they rule the world in 2025. Oh, and the camera got some audience shots this episode of a woman who was identified in subtitles as Samantha somebodyorother-- Hal's girlfriend. Seems now that there's a very good likelihood that Sparks is hetero....consider my doubts vanquished.
*Cheech Marin/Al Jarreau -- they sang some song called Mornin' which David Foster wrote, and I hated. Who is Al Jarreau--is he a big deal? 'Cause they all were acting like he was. The only thing I know him for is singing the Moonlighting theme song. But y'know ,I'm not even 100% sure that he did. Whether he did or he didn't, that IS what I know him for. I heard Al Jarreau and instantly thought "Ah! Moonlighting theme song." But I couldn't think of a single note or lyric of said theme song, so if Al did perform it, it's a pretty weak claim to fame, I'd say. Cheech and Al looked like two old dudes who meet in the park to play checkers (and totally dressed the part). Now "Mornin' " was so bland that I had to fast forward thru a chunk of it, but their second song was transfixing. Oddly transfixing, not enjoyable transfixing. The audience was clapping along in time but they all looked pretty confused. I guess it was all "scatting". I don't know that the song had any non-gibberish lyrics. As far as I can tell, the title of the song was something like "Zip Zop Zippedy Doing". I dunno. I suppose a real jazz afficionado would contend that I just don't "get it." Maybe so. To my untrained ear, it sounded like 2 parts Gerald McBoing Boing and 1 part hyper Cosby.
*Alfonso Ribeiro/Chaka Khan -- First they sang Through The Fire which was also written by David Foster. I confess-- I like that song. It's the one that Kanye West sampled in his breakthrough single Through the Wire . My boy Kanye don't sample no crap, homes... Oh, and Wayne DID mention Alfonso's birthday on Thursday. So all is right with the world and Wayne Brady retains his place on my celebrity Christmas card list. Hell, I may even slip some McDonald's coupons in the card this year.
I was speculating as to what song 'Fonso & Chaka would do on Fri night. I was actually hoping it would be I Feel for You , because I wanted to hear Alfonso take on the opening of that song, which has always amused me immensely. I don't think it's intended to be funny, but it just cracks my shit up!! Right at the beginning, where that guy sounds genuinely bewildered : "Ch-ch-chaka Khan? Ch-chaka Khan?" and then he breaks out in the rapid-fire: "ChakaKhan, lemmerockyoulemmerockyou ChakaKhan, lemmerockyoutha'sallIwannado.." That's hard to sing along with in my car, I bet it would be WICKED hard to perform live on national TV (even for the great Alfonso). But no dice. On Friday night they sang Ain't Nobody. And killed it. I have to admit though, I don't mind 'Fonso dancing, but I didn't like him breaking out his wacko Jacko moves like he did Friday night. The worst was this hopping faux crotch grab move that he did. There was no actual hand-to-crotch contact, but it was still not G-rated. I think, somewhere under her copious mane of hair, Chaka Khan was blushing.
So at the end of the big results show TWO people were sent home. First axed was Cheech, and the guy took it very, very graciously. But who knows, could be that he and Al got sooo happy on "scat-juice" that nothing woulda killed his buzz. After Cheech bit the dust, they dismissed.....JAI!!! Talk about yer pleasant surprises--I really thought he was gonna make it to the finals! I was really stoked-- I think I may have done the same big gaping mouth and fist shaking thing that Herman Munster does when he's excited. I'm pretty sure nobody knows wtf I'm talking about, but suffice it to say that is the very height of excitement-induced dorkiness. And Jai was all smiles but methinks his eyes looked rather glisteny. And that made me way gladder. Is that malicious of me??
About my taping the show-- I thought that the "My Name Is Earl" & "The Office" season premieres were going to air during the Celeb Duets time slot-from 9-10. But unfortunately for me, NBC has BABBOONS scheduling their programming. So I plunk down in front of the telly at about 8:50pm and see the tail end of "The Office". I was pretty miffed, to say the least.Why on earth wouldn't they run the non-offensive (but heartily boring) "Deal or No Deal" from 8-9? C'mon!! Air it when all the lame-os that like that show are able to stay awake and watch!! I don't have to have ever in my life watched "Deal or No Deal" (and I never have) to know unquestionably that it is a tremendous waste of pixels and electricity. If I grasp the premise correctly, it's bimbos with briefcases and Howie Mandel repeating and re-repeating "DEAL....OR NO DEAL" in any number of theatrical styles. For the love of Benji, it's a game show with ONE damn question!! Grrrr.
Anyways, I flipped around the channels and taped Celeb Duets anyways (so that I would have fabulous Fast Forwarding powers when I did watch it). I actually watched a lot of the Grey's Anatomy season premier. It's not like me to glom onto a show if I haven't been with it right since the pilot, but I'd caught last season's finale and it kinda drew me in. But lemme make clear, it was the subplots that intrigued me (Izzie's in particular). I know the central storyline that's supposed to have enthralled me is this love triangle between little Meredith Grey and Chris O'Donnell and McDreamy. I don't give a rat's arse though really. Ideally she would throw them both over for a McMuffin...or a Big Mac if it's after 11am...whatever , just eat something. No, nooo, I'm just being catty. I don't have any problems with waifs in general. I always liked Ally McBeal and she was the ORIGINAL TV waif. But see, she was a quirky waif, goofy and funny with a side of angst. But this Meredith character is all angsty, and full of humorless exasperation and I no likey. Is it hasty for me to rule on that after watching only 2 full episodes? Maybe--but I don't care and I don't care that she's the narrator and the show's title is a pun on her name, I think they should just cut her outta the show entirely, that's what I think.
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