Justice prevails

So I've been saying repeatedly that Alfonso Ribiero was the most spectacularly talented thang on the Celebrity Duets stage. Well, not sure that I said that verbatim, but that has been the gist of 4weeks of Celebrity Duets related blog blathering. And even though I knew he was the most deserving contestant, I was unsure whether he'd win or not. Even when he made it to the final 3, I was unsure. Because he was up against Lucy Lawless who has a fan base primarily comprised of sci-fi nerds and that is a particularly rabid sort of fan. And Hal Sparks has been promoting himself for a couple weeks as like a "dark horse candidate"...and that's lame, because if you're a true dark horse, or underdog, you just ARE and you can't be all aware of it and exploiting it. But my faith in justice is partially, somewhat, and in a small way restored because the right man won.
Yaaaaay! BIG hooray for Alfonso!!!

They had a lot of time to fill in the final episode, what with only 3 performers left, and consequently they wound up with scenarios like Wayne Brady singing with Boys II Men (as if that had anything to do with anything) and then all the Celeb Duets contestants singing a medley of David Foster songs (with Foster on piano). Imagine my chagrin when I discovered that Foster penned one of my all time favorite Chicago songs ("Hard to Say I'm Sorry"). Ah hell, I guess he can't be all that bad...
As for the Boys II Men performance...they went from "I'll Make Love to You" to "End of the Road" and I barely even noticed they changed songs. That is not a good thing, I don't think. I wish they woulda thrown a little "Motown Philly" in there, but they had Brady as guest singer and, great virtuoso though he is, I doubt he'd be able to keep up with those def jams, yo.

I'm not usually one to be blindsided by "shocking twist endings" that TV shows manufacture for the end of their seasons. I've got like, a BLACK BELT in boob tubery, so I generally see these things coming. That said, I've gotsta give the Project Runway folks mad props. They achieved the generally unachievable and surprised me with a late season plot twist. To have 4 people show @ Olympus, yeah that is unprecedented, but to have a challenge with NO ELIMINATIONS?? Now that is what really knocked me on my ass!! I mean, this show has always been mad-preoccupied with conveying the utter ruthlessness of the fashion world. Exhibit A-- They've got Heidi Klum saying 9000 freeeakin' times per season "In fashion, one day you're in, and the next you're OUT" Exhibit B-- They keep bringing back that bitch-on-wheels Nina Garcia along with Master-of-the-Catty-Snark Michael Kors (anyone else think he looks approximately the same age as his mom? I know, I know, that's going back quite a few eppys..sorry) Anyways this past episode everyone was as bitchy and hypercritical as usual, but when they had the bottom two on the stage--Jeffrey & Michael-- they suddenly ambush with these (gasp!!) smiles and (holy shit) HAPPY ENDINGS!!! Which was great, really, because I didn't want to see Michael sent packing although, woooah--he shoulda been. His slutty dress was a Tara Reid incident waiting to happen. And it pains me to say this but....I REALLY liked Jeffrey's dress.

I've been on a hell of a classical music kick as of late. This is what I've been listening to at work. My favorites on the CD are-- Disc One: trk 2,trk3,trk8 & trk 18 Disc Two: trk1, trk2,trk3,trk4, trk10,trk12,trk17, & trk19.
I wish I could share the music with ya on here, but probably the FBI Music Piracy Squad would hunt me down. I used to use Kaaza too, so that means I'm apt to be on their "People to Watch" list, right?? Anyways, I'm finding myself particularly fond of Verdi's "Anvil Chorus" & Satie's "Gymnopedie #3" which is really lovely.

Half-pint, we hardly knew ye!!!

Has Nip/Tuck won any Emmys?? I know that some of its cohorts on the much-acclaimed FX network have... but I believe Nip/Tuck has thus far been snubbed. WELL, I think Julian McMahon should get an Emmy solely for being able to deliver a line like "And how did your nipple get into a dogfight?" without breaking out in hysterics. Granted, Nip/Tuck is not taped live, so possibly it took him multiple takes, but ultimately he pulled it off. I don't know if I could've ever said that with a straight face....and to have to say it to LAURA INGALLS WILDER, no less!! Wow. And then when the sick chick was revealed as a ...uggggh...dog violator, Julian's eyebrows did some stellar acting. Shot up like rockets, they did.

As for Melissa Gilbert's cameo...maaaan. That's sure gutsy... I guess? Is that going to be filed under the "triumphant return to TV" heading?? I dunno. For sure she wanted to breakaway from her squeaky clean image -- her "Little House" years & countless stints as the heroine of various Hallmark channel movies. But she broke so far, far, faaar away. Let's hope for her sake she's not now typecast...y'know, the go-to actress whenever H'wood has the role of "Bestiality Perv" to cast. Again..ewwwwwwwww.

So is Peter Dinklage's character (can't recall the nurse's name) being paid to be a murallist?? Ok, well I do like the mural...it's very Rousseau-esque. I'm just wondering what this nurse is doing with the baby, if anything. I just don't get what his job is (aside from being a muralist and resident sage). He's hired to be a night nurse if I recollect correctly. Does he just watch over the baby...guard him from the boogey man, make sure the mobile doesn't fall on his head in the middle of the night?? I don't get the point of it, but maybe that could be attributed to my lower middle class background, my not being accustomed to households that had hired staff. The guy seems to know he hasn't got much to do really, and is trying to compensate to really earn his paycheck. That's why all the mural painting and wisdom dispensing. I just wish the rest of that nursery matched his excellent mural. The rest of the nursery is very blah....a totally trite cliche of nursery decor. Oh, and the name CONNOR looks dumb with only one "n", people...

I could only get through a third of the roast beef sammi I got outta the vending machine for lunch. What on earth made me think that a roast beef sandwich I got out of a vending machine would be acceptable?? Such folly!! I do like roast beef, but I am exceptionally particular about roast beef. More so than I am with any other lunch meat. I never like it when it's too red. I realize how grody it sounds to say I like grey meat, but that is the case. The label I got on this sandwich described it as "Olde Neighborhood Roast Beef". Unless "Olde Neighborhood" is a brand name I have no clue what that's supposed to mean. What do these people know about my old neighborhood OR the kinds of lunchmeat available there?? How awfully presumptuous!!! The only place where I can consistently rely on a tasty roast beef sammich is when I get it at Panera's.

Also in our cafeteria vending machine, they had Mortadella sandwiches. What the hell is that?? Well come to find out (after hitting my online dictionary of choice) it's just fancy Italian bologna. But I really oughtta compose a memo to the folks at Alan's Vending (post my manifesto on a vending machine like a latter day Martin Luther) and inform them that if you have to look something up online to find out what the hell it is, it's probably not gonna sell well. Also, I want them to make pumpkin bread. They make pretty yummy pumpkin bread and 'tis the season for that kind of fare...

Artsy Fartsy time

The other day I was wandering aimlessly on the 'net, trying to find a picture of particularly powerful pulchritude (ha) to adorn my computer desktop. I kinda ran out of time and settled on the picture you see here at left...

Go here to see the high-def. GINORMOUS version that I put on my desktop.

As I'd said, I kinda ran out of time to find something and just settled for this one. Which is not to say that I don't like it, it's just not what I was looking for exactly. But y'know....the more I stare at it, the more it intrigues me. Methinks I shall let it remain on my desktop for a spell. It's by Georges de la Tour, a French Baroque era painter who lived 1593-1652. I'm generally not that into pre-nineteenth century stuff. I'm really a sucker for the whole Pre-Raphealite asthetic--Waterhouse and all that crew. I think pre-1700 and I imagine ancient SCARY art...something along the lines of like Hieronymous Bosch (yyyyikes!!) But even though the subject in this work are wearing obviously 17th century attire--- the crazy epaulets and boobie-smashing bodices--- there's something about his painting style that strikes me as modern. I dunno, I dunno, I clearly do not know what the hell I'm talking about. I started to read an essay on de la Tour where the writer opened by comparing him to Vermeer, and I kinda see the similarity.

Here is what is intriguing me (thus securing this piece's place on my desktop for the time being)
It's called "The Card Sharp" this piece, and pretty obviously de la Tour is referring to the player in the left side
foreground. He maybe "sharp" but he's not exceedingly slick. Even the serving wench can tell he's cheating. Another thing I noticed about this strangely contorted cheater--you have to look at the blown-up high res image to catch this though--the guy looks exactly like Rob Lowe. Eerie. It might be that Rob's great-great-great-great-great-great-great (how many greats do I need to do to get back to the early to mid 1600s??) great great grampa looked EXACTLY like him, but I highly doubt that. I suspect, rather, that I've hit upon one of the greatest uncovered celeb secret of our time. ROB LOWE IS A VAMPIRE!!

It's also possible that the serving wench (are those anchors on her blouse??) is not on to Rob Lowe's disingenous sporting maneuver.... her and the bosslady could be exchanging looks about the card player at far right who may well be an adolescent girl in drag. She like, read it in Twelfth Night, and thought that just anyone could go incognito as a man in real life but she's not fooling anybody, although nobody's letting her know that they ain't fooled. I mean look at that look...the serving wench gives the bosslady a look of "What the hell is THAT all about???" and bosslady's clearly shooting back an "I KNOW!!!!!"

Ok so, I'm no Sister Wendy, but that's my take on "The Card Sharp". And that concludes the cultural portion of my blog......FOR TODAY. Be forewarned...I aim to show my readership (all 4 or 5 of youse) that I am not only a couch-tater...I can do multi-faceted. Or try to.

Oh, and as for the Wizard of Oz trivia... in the book, Dorothy's kicks were silver. Apparently when they shot the 1939 movie, they found that on film, silver didn't look so hot against the Yellow Brick Rd so they altered the hue de shoe.

trivia du jour

Today's nugget from my trivia desk calendar....

brief notes...

I was just rereading stuff I've posted here and it occurs to me I have a BIG problem with over-italicizing.

Help!!

In traffic last night, the SUV in front of me had a bumper sticker that proclaimed "I love my cockapoo!!" I thought, how pathetic that is if they are an actual cockapoo owner, and yet.... that is AWESOME if they aren't.

I'm not one of those people whose blood pressure escalates in traffic and I don't get a vein protruding in my forehead or anything like that. Though I am always irked a bit by the certainty that, when my ass is jutting precariously into the intersection, there IS someone ahead of me in this queue of cars that could stand to scooch up a bit. I mean, I can't see this person but I just know they're up there. They've alotted themselves a good 5 or 6 feet (for safety's sake!!) between their front bumper and the car ahead of them. But GAWD! Can't you look at the 3000 cars in your rear view and surmise that a wee bit of scooching might be in order?? We're not going 50mph, you old hen, I assure you there will NOT be a pile up.

Incidentally, I was behind the cockapoo lover on my way back from Best Buy (I hadn't been in a looong time...yaaay for me and my scrap of self restraint!!) where I'd picked up Panic! at the Disco's CD. I thoroughly dig it & heartily recommend. I feel a little dirty thinking that the lead singer's a bit of a fox, as I'm not sure the bloke's even hit 20.

I wanna to go see this movie. I haven't been so eager to catch a flick in the theater since "V for Vendetta" was released. Funny story about that, I was going to see "V for Vendetta" in the theater actually and then got conned into seeing the cinematic poopheap that was "Failure to Launch". Oh, wait that's not a funny story that's a TRAVESTY. Or a TRAGEDY if you prefer (I tend not to use the word "tragedy" for tragic situations because it invariably compells me to wanna sing the Bee Gee's "Tragedy" thus sapping the tragic tone out of the thing. So, in due deference to things tragic, I avoid that word)

Oh, and I am NOT going to reveal the name of my new must-see flick here. I want you to go to IMDB and fall in love with it for yourself. And then you will want to go to the movies to see it with me. And hey-- when we go, I will NOT be coerced into opting for a romantic comedy instead. Nooooo. I will submerge your head in the concession stand popcorn and hold it down until you stop thrashing before I let that happen!!

Wow, holy shit, I actually scare myself sometimes...

Thursday night TV (in excruciating detail)

I've been wondering how they were going to still fill an hour time slot on Celebrity Duets. Yeeees, I'm on that subject.... I mighta considered changing the name of my blog to "Celebrity Duets Yammering" or something of that nature, but because this blog will outlive the series, "Random Yammerings" it remains. Anyways, the show has an hour time slot and started with 8 people, now it was down to 5 but still had the same amount of time to fill. I thought maybe they'd let Little Richard ramble on nonsensically for an extra minute per contestant, or lengthen the commercials, or just have Wayne Brady cram the excess minutes with improv-y goodness. Well I never figured it out because I taped the show, both nights this week, watched it with my Fast Forward finger at the ready, skipping all commercials and stupid filler.

I spared y'all a recap last week but I can hold back no longer. Let's see what exactly went down this week, both on the Thursday night voting show and the Friday night result show....

*Jai Rodriguez/Patti LaBelle--- they sang Lady Marmalade on Thurs night (of all the overrated songs!!) and Jai sounded just like a woman. Like, if I had not seen it on TV --if I'd caught the song on the radio instead-- I wouldn't have believed it was a man singing until I had some visual proof. Just like back in the 80s with that song "We Don't Have to Take our Clothes Off" by Jermaine Stewart (I couldn't remember that dude's last name and had to look him up here where there's this super brief bio that's cut off with a mysterious "HE DIED IN 1997" Yikes... made me feel bad about mentioning him just so's I could criticize his femme vocals) Oh, and Nick Gilder's "Hot Child in the City" is another example of extraordinarily lady-ish male singing (I don't wanna single poor dead Jermaine out, y'know) And the slow parts of "Lovin', Touchin',Squeezin'"...but then you get to the chorus and there's no mistaking it's a Journey song. But I digress. The audience gave Lady Marmalade a standing ovation, they just loved it. I think it was probably an audience full of Naughty McSmutmuffins and they'd go
ga-ga for any song about whoring.
Friday night this duo sang a song I liked--Somewhere Over the Rainbow--but more or less wrecked it. They both kept trying to one-up each other with these over-the-top vocal acrobatics. Then Patti inserted Jai's name into the song not once but twice...and the overall effect was the cheapening of a total classic. Speaking of cheapening...Ms. Patti was wearing shoes & wig that were about 20yrs too young for her. Her gams did look pretty terrific though, I'll give her that...
*Lucy Lawless/Richard Marx-- I was genuinely astonished by this performance...I really didn't think that Richard Marx could suck any more than I already thought he did. But seeing him sing live...wow, was I wrong!!! They sang Right Here Waiting (Thurs) and Shoulda Known Better (Fri). Richard Marx looks only slightly less decrepit than Kenny Loggins. Lucy is singing quite well, but starting to really hooch it up. I wonder if this vampiness is her own (her own sexual lawlessness ha, ha, ha, but honestly though, is that a REAL last name??) or if the producers maybe said something like "Honey. You're the lone woman on the show...don't make us rely on Jai for the feminine wiles!!"
*Hal Sparks/Dee Snider--- On Thurs night they sang together on We’re Not Gonna Take It Anymore and they tore it up!! Such an atypical sort of song for this show, but I LOVED it! Hal did do a bit more yelling than singing, but hey--he was simultaneously playing the guitar too, and I don't see any other contestant bringing that to the table (no, not even ALFONSO!!) Besides, that type of rock is more about power and intensity than being pitch-perfect. And speaking of musical genres...Little Richard actually calls himself "the architect of rock & roll" He didn't come up with that phrase on his own and is quoting what somebody else said about him, but still!! He talks frequently like he singlehandedly created rock & roll. Well, he should keep in mind the old saying "Pride goeth before a fall" Old people like him have brittle hip bones so it would rather behoove him to avoid falling. But back to Hal & Dee...their Thurs night song was not-so-subtly aimed at David Foster who has been consistently critical of Hal and sort of harsh to him on last week's show. In fact, he's the same sort of square and killjoy as that guy at the beginning of the We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore video. I'll bet your average Celebrity Duets viewer didn't make that connection. But anyways, Foster didn't like being picked on, so when they got around to judging, he didn't so much judge the performance, but rather used his talk time to again surreptitiously mention what a ginormous success he is. He said to Hal "I want to get you in MY studio, and I know we could get you singing even better than you ever thought you could!!" or some stupid shit like that. Sheeeesh. I wonder if the show would just let him bring in a Grammy or two and plonk them on the desk in front of him and then he could shut up about what a big shot he is.
I couldn't think of what this pair would sing on Fri night (since I couldn't think of another Twisted Sister hit) but they sang I Wanna Rock. Mission accomplished. I noted that Hal had a different guitar this time.. a very cool one. It was all black, but textured...very zig-zaggy. It's hard to aptly describe it...looks like an axe the Wyld Stallions might weild when they rule the world in 2025. Oh, and the camera got some audience shots this episode of a woman who was identified in subtitles as Samantha somebodyorother-- Hal's girlfriend. Seems now that there's a very good likelihood that Sparks is hetero....consider my doubts vanquished.
*Cheech Marin/Al Jarreau -- they sang some song called Mornin' which David Foster wrote, and I hated. Who is Al Jarreau--is he a big deal? 'Cause they all were acting like he was. The only thing I know him for is singing the Moonlighting theme song. But y'know ,I'm not even 100% sure that he did. Whether he did or he didn't, that IS what I know him for. I heard Al Jarreau and instantly thought "Ah! Moonlighting theme song." But I couldn't think of a single note or lyric of said theme song, so if Al did perform it, it's a pretty weak claim to fame, I'd say. Cheech and Al looked like two old dudes who meet in the park to play checkers (and totally dressed the part). Now "Mornin' " was so bland that I had to fast forward thru a chunk of it, but their second song was transfixing. Oddly transfixing, not enjoyable transfixing. The audience was clapping along in time but they all looked pretty confused. I guess it was all "scatting". I don't know that the song had any non-gibberish lyrics. As far as I can tell, the title of the song was something like "Zip Zop Zippedy Doing". I dunno. I suppose a real jazz afficionado would contend that I just don't "get it." Maybe so. To my untrained ear, it sounded like 2 parts Gerald McBoing Boing and 1 part hyper Cosby.
*Alfonso Ribeiro/Chaka Khan -- First they sang Through The Fire which was also written by David Foster. I confess-- I like that song. It's the one that Kanye West sampled in his breakthrough single Through the Wire . My boy Kanye don't sample no crap, homes... Oh, and Wayne DID mention Alfonso's birthday on Thursday. So all is right with the world and Wayne Brady retains his place on my celebrity Christmas card list. Hell, I may even slip some McDonald's coupons in the card this year.
I was speculating as to what song 'Fonso & Chaka would do on Fri night. I was actually hoping it would be I Feel for You , because I wanted to hear Alfonso take on the opening of that song, which has always amused me immensely. I don't think it's intended to be funny, but it just cracks my shit up!! Right at the beginning, where that guy sounds genuinely bewildered : "Ch-ch-chaka Khan? Ch-chaka Khan?" and then he breaks out in the rapid-fire: "ChakaKhan, lemmerockyoulemmerockyou ChakaKhan, lemmerockyoutha'sallIwannado.." That's hard to sing along with in my car, I bet it would be WICKED hard to perform live on national TV (even for the great Alfonso). But no dice. On Friday night they sang Ain't Nobody. And killed it. I have to admit though, I don't mind 'Fonso dancing, but I didn't like him breaking out his wacko Jacko moves like he did Friday night. The worst was this hopping faux crotch grab move that he did. There was no actual hand-to-crotch contact, but it was still not G-rated. I think, somewhere under her copious mane of hair, Chaka Khan was blushing.

So at the end of the big results show TWO people were sent home. First axed was Cheech, and the guy took it very, very graciously. But who knows, could be that he and Al got sooo happy on "scat-juice" that nothing woulda killed his buzz. After Cheech bit the dust, they dismissed.....JAI!!! Talk about yer pleasant surprises--I really thought he was gonna make it to the finals! I was really stoked-- I think I may have done the same big gaping mouth and fist shaking thing that Herman Munster does when he's excited. I'm pretty sure nobody knows wtf I'm talking about, but suffice it to say that is the very height of excitement-induced dorkiness. And Jai was all smiles but methinks his eyes looked rather glisteny. And that made me way gladder. Is that malicious of me??

About my taping the show-- I thought that the "My Name Is Earl" & "The Office" season premieres were going to air during the Celeb Duets time slot-from 9-10. But unfortunately for me, NBC has BABBOONS scheduling their programming. So I plunk down in front of the telly at about 8:50pm and see the tail end of "The Office". I was pretty miffed, to say the least.Why on earth wouldn't they run the non-offensive (but heartily boring) "Deal or No Deal" from 8-9? C'mon!! Air it when all the lame-os that like that show are able to stay awake and watch!! I don't have to have ever in my life watched "Deal or No Deal" (and I never have) to know unquestionably that it is a tremendous waste of pixels and electricity. If I grasp the premise correctly, it's bimbos with briefcases and Howie Mandel repeating and re-repeating "DEAL....OR NO DEAL" in any number of theatrical styles. For the love of Benji, it's a game show with ONE damn question!! Grrrr.
Anyways, I flipped around the channels and taped Celeb Duets anyways (so that I would have fabulous Fast Forwarding powers when I did watch it). I actually watched a lot of the Grey's Anatomy season premier. It's not like me to glom onto a show if I haven't been with it right since the pilot, but I'd caught last season's finale and it kinda drew me in. But lemme make clear, it was the subplots that intrigued me (Izzie's in particular). I know the central storyline that's supposed to have enthralled me is this love triangle between little Meredith Grey and Chris O'Donnell and McDreamy. I don't give a rat's arse though really. Ideally she would throw them both over for a McMuffin...or a Big Mac if it's after 11am...whatever , just eat something. No, nooo, I'm just being catty. I don't have any problems with waifs in general. I always liked Ally McBeal and she was the ORIGINAL TV waif. But see, she was a quirky waif, goofy and funny with a side of angst. But this Meredith character is all angsty, and full of humorless exasperation and I no likey. Is it hasty for me to rule on that after watching only 2 full episodes? Maybe--but I don't care and I don't care that she's the narrator and the show's title is a pun on her name, I think they should just cut her outta the show entirely, that's what I think.

Tonight, on a very special Celebrity Duets....

It had DAMN WELL better be a special Celebrity Duets tonight. For Sept 21st is the birthday of one Mr. ALFONSO RIBIERO. I believe the show is taped live, and if there is nary a mention of mah boy's b-day, then I will be mightily outraged. Also I will be sad for poor 'Fonso and probably slip an extra $10 into the b-day card I am mailing him. He turns 35 today...yippy skippy.

In other cool celebrity birthdays, Dave Coulier was also born on Sept 21. CUT. IT. OUT!!! No, for real, he was. Happy 47th Uncle Joey!!! Oh snap, I went there... I didn't wanna bring up that barfbag of a sitcom. As much as I DETEST Full House, I have a lingering affection for some of the cast members (Good: Jodie Sweetin, Dave C, Bob Saget, chick that played Kimmy Gibbler/ Bad: Candace Cameron Bure, Olsen twins ...the rest I'm pretty indifferent to) But mainly I like Dave for most likely creating --and definitely popularizing-- the "Cut. It. Out!!" hand gesture. Also I always have a soft spot for the obligatory lone bastion of sanity on the Surreal Life, and he fulfilled that role on the 3rd season. Oh, and he deflowered Alanis Morrisette . I have always found that to be a fascinating scrap of star trivia.

MY BIRTHDAY is rapidly approaching-- that's Oct 31st, y'all (cards & gifts quite welcome!). I had another possible Halloween costume notion to add to my list. To refresh your memory, here again is the list thus far-
1.Pirate
2.Gypsy
3.Zombie
4. Beatnik (new!!)

Here's why I think #4 is the best on the list. .... firstly I think "pirate" will be a super popular choice this
H-ween. Gawsh, not sure why....possibly something to do w/ a li'l Johnny Depp movie released this summer. Anyways I don't wanna copy every other scurvy landlubber out there, so I'm pretty sure that means ix-nay on the irate-pay. As for #2... well how much different is that from #1?? Dress up like a gypsy,throw on an eye patch and ....voila!!! you're a girl pirate!!! And zombie is kind of a perennial Halloween fave. Plus, I wouldn't want to be just any zombie...I don't wanna be a Night of the Living Dead type zombie....I SPECIFICALLY wanna be a zombie from the Thriller video. And I can't properly do that without learning the patented Thriller Zombie Line Dance. And I think I'd need more than a month to get that choreography down. So SCREW that, eh?
I don't think lots of people dress up as Beatniks anymore. The downside of that is... I'm not sure that too many people even know what a Beatnik is anymore. But y'know, I run with a pretty smart crowd, and I'm sure they'd all get it, and I know, more or less, what a beatnik is. Of course, I would definitely do extensive research into the Beat movement if I did opt for that costume choice. Soooo a Beatnik costume...that would consist of black top, black leggings, black ballet flats and I'd best add a black beret lest anyone suppose I was just dressing up as a cat burglar.(Speaking of cat burglers and cat burgling...is that a real-life type of criminal/crime. I suspect that's purely cinematic jargon. I can't recall anybody ever being convicted of cat burglary) Also some good accessories would be a cigarette holder w/ faux ciggie (didn't beatniks use those ? Or is that too glam??) and a dog-eared copy of Howl. Maybe bongos too. If the Bob Denver's beatnik portrayal on The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis is an accurate one, then maybe I should tote around bongos too (and grow out my goatee!!).

it's not easy eating green

There seemed to be a green motif to my lunchtime vittles today. I bought an Amy's Organic bowl to nuke (5min cook time!! Pretty redunkulous, no? I mean, 5 minutes is an eternity in microwave cooking time!) that was pesto tortellini. And I bought sno peas to much on. A rather verde meal, I should say. I should've bought green tea to drink or an avacado frappe or something, just to y'know, complete the motif, but I was in the mood really for a giant cup of Coke & ice.
These things kinda entertain me at times....little mundane patterns that thread through my daily routine. Like if I were to get a lunch of cheese, chocolate, & chips (and I have before) then I would think of it as something like a sketch on The Electric Company and it would make me chuckle. Yeah, I'm chuckle-prone, okay? It don't take much.
I don't know why I impart such minutiae to youse guys, I mean generally speaking the itemization of a lunch is not exactly compelling info. But I suppose I'm supposing that since it's ME-RELATED minutiae, y'all will be enthralled. And you are, si??

One more thing about my lunch and then I'll move on to slightly less trivial terrain. I picked up from the Shaw's salad bar a little tub of gourmet dressing (that's an abyssmal salad bar, BTW, and the li'l tubs of gourmet dressings are the only things it's got going for it...that & the hard boiled eggies) to dip me sno-peas in. I picked out "Deeply Roasted Sesame (Japanese Style)". Sounds exotically yummy, right? Well, not only is it NOT yummy, it happens to taste quite a bit like the dressing I whipped up for my infamously REPUGNANT salad I made for last month's office potluck (if you missed, or forgot, my bitching about this culinary failure, go here to read up on it) It doesn't even have any peanuts in it (this tub o' dip) and yet it tastes nearly exactly like my salad dressing (which had peanut butter in it. I know that's barfy, I WANTED it to come out barfy. I felt like someone should put the "luck" in "potluck" Y'know if everybody made delicious dishes it would be more of a "pot-surething" now, wouldn't it???)

UPDATE ON MY LUNCH REPORT-- Holy shit (literally) I dunno if it was the roughage or the organic pasta that quarrelled with my stomach but--UUuuugghh. Lotsa bathroom time this afternoon. That's all I'll say about that (as I realize not everyone enjoys a B.M. play-by-play....me , I could go to a poop symposium, that talk don't bother me none)

Ok, on to last night's Nip/Tuck. It's my only Tues night required viewing, now that Rockstar Supernova is all over.

Y'know for an episode that had an adultery and a birth in it, I think it was not all that exciting. It was a good episode, no doubt (actually, I don't think there's such a thing as a bad Nip/Tuck eppy) but when I compare it with the wild drama abbondanza promised by the previews for next episode, well... I found it lacking. Although, I really dug the opening scene where Christian discovered his videos on YouTube (is there really such stuff on YouTube??? Holy Mackeral!!) Christian's line was right on the money-- "HOLY SHIT. Is that my ass???" Not a terribly pithy bit of dialogue but so perfect. I think that's pretty much what anyone would say.
I can't believe Sean and his fidelity lapse with that nerdy nurse. I don't get it. I know his fears & anxieties are making him all extra susceptible to temptation and blah, blah, blah, whatev. But why was he tempted?? She was no dog, this nurse whose name I can't recall (Ms. Akron Deviated Septum ) but ehhh. I dunno, I guess I just thought Sean had set his "bar" a smidgeon higher. Apparently trite high school reminiscence is a mighty aphrodisiac that the "good" doc cannot resist. To be fair, her neurosis wasn't really overt until after sex. Guess she figured, I've wooed & bedded him, all clear to let my nutjob flag fly. (I know the expression sez "freak flag" but Akron really comes off more nutjobbish than freaky....and I endeavor to be accurate) Anyways, if she stays in Ohio, I'll eat my hat . (YOU pick the particular hat...I have several) Speaking of hats...hat's off to Mario Lopez (maaan, I can rock a segue like no other!) for showing his tushie on the telly. You got a lotta chutzpah there Lopez. (and I was a-checkin' out his chutzpah! Eh? Eh? Nudge nudge wink wink) I can go along with all his pull-ups and showering and all that, but I DO NOT buy him as a doctor . Even if it was stipulated that he got his medical degree through a correspondence course, I STILL would not believe it. ("paging Dr Slater...Dr Slater to the OR stat") I admit, at core, I am biased, feeling that such a pretty boy must be empty-headed. But also I'm influenced by when I saw him on the Celebrity Edition of The Weakest Link. He was undoubtedly the weakest link. EVER. He didn't know anything!! He was supposed to make me forget how real-life stupid he is by his stellar acting gifts. He did not quite accomplish that. Was good seeing his ass though.

After Nip/Tuck I got inexplicably sucked in to watching "2 Legit 2 Quit: The MC Hammer Story" on VH1. I did manage to break the spell, but not until I'd wasted a good 45 minutes on that foolishness. I wonder if it was really a dead skunk in the pool (and the pool man having him on credit hold) that lead to Hammer finding out he was going bankrupt. I'm not going to lose sleep wondering about it, but I wonder. Maybe I will send the man himself a letter (a HAMMERGRAM! Haaa!) inquiring as to the accuracy of this cheap VH1 biopic. Ehh, maybe not . Methinks I'll pretend instead, that Hammer reads my blog, and if he feels up to commenting on "2 Legit 2 Quit: The MC Hammer Story", he knows where to reach me.

Volare....WOOOOAAAH!!!

I have been abominably neglectful as of late, and I'm so sorry!!! To make it up to y'alls, I am going to abstain from rehashing last week's 2 Celebrity Duet's episodes (even though I wanna!). I tend to yammer on and on and on about said show and it would be really horrid for me to neglect youse and then put you into a yammer-induced coma!! Plus that's not FRESH news....and I'm nothing if not au courant.

It seems I have 2 Halloween parties on the schedule for next month. I need to dream me up a costume. Neither fete will have the same attendees so one costume is fine. But it's gotta be a truly STELLAR one, as I feel like I have to compensate for last year's dud of a costume. I was a CLOWN...which was cute I 'spose, but it feels like sort of a cop-out costume. So if anyone has any appealing/ clever/avant garde/ cheap but ingenious costume ideas...I'm open to suggestions.
Here's what I've been mulling over so far...





*Gypsy
*Pirate
*Zombie (a la M-J's "Thriller" vid...I would also wanna learn the patented zombie line dance!!)

Pretty pitiful list, there, so yeah, I could use the suggestions!!!

Haven't check out much in the new fall TV lineup, except on Fri night I tuned into the pilot & 1st episode of "Men in Trees" on ABC. I was planning on hating it, due to Anne Heche's being in the lead, but I guess she doesn't vex me as much as I thought she did. Or maybe I was holding a grudge over her mistreatment of poor Ellen and at long last I'm over it. Who knows. Anyways, Anne Heche I found tolerable, but I think the primary reason I latched on to the show was this guy

Y'know his pic in that bio does not sufficiently convey his foxiness or his charisma. I guess you just have to watch the show to get the full effect. He's sort of like the hottest dude in the Eddie Bauer catalog...but more so.

Oh frabjous day! Calloooo! Callay!!

So Lukas is the new singer of Supernova. Dilana & Lukas were the final 2 they had to choose from-- the two front runners , you coulda called them..oh wait I did call them that, in yesterday's post I did. I SOOO called this biatch.

Supernova has their singer and I'm sure glad I can get on with my life and forget that Supernova even exists. I watched the show because there were some really stellar performances on it, but aside from the stellar performances there was so much crrrrap I coulda done without. Mostly, the back & forth ass-kissing I had to listen to was fairly intolerable. The band, the host (that would be Brook Burke--I coulda done without her entirely) Dave Navarro, and all the contestants laid it on extra thick. Everybody making such a big fat deal over what an absolute, world-changing PHENOMENON this freakin' group is going to be once it gets in the studio & then on tour... And then, after a while, after they'd weeded out some of the undesirables and were left with a small group of the extra-talented singers, then the band kept getting all weepy and apologetic about eliminating people. And Dave would have to launch into this 10 minute diatribe about how much he loves the person being kicked offa the show ("Honey. You KNOW how much I WORSHIP you. I love you DEEPLY. I want to HAVE YOUR BABIES...blah blah blaaaaah etc") Well, anyways, don't expect to see me rushing out to buy tix to see the prematurely legendary Supernova in action...or buying any Supernova CD. After 3 mos of that show I'm sick to death of 'em. Although if Ryan Star puts out a CD, I may check that out...
On Project Runway, Kayne did the most gracious and watchable exit yet from the show. I would never expect anything less than perky from him, though. He said "I'm not a bitch. I just play one on TV" I have, at times, perceived him to be a bitch and repeatedly called him that, it was vindicating to see he realizes what kind of rep he's made for himself. I'm curious as to what exactly was written on his good-bye manifesto tacked to his dress form. Will a transcript of that be posted on the Bravo website soon??
I didn't see why the designers were all having a big fat fit about Angela & Vincent coming back. It was pretty unanimous amongst them what hacks A & V were, so didn't that just work out to be added protection for them this challenge? And it irked me that Laura had to make a big point about how Angela didn't win the INC challenge on her own. OK, so it's true, everything she said, but it was still rather mean-spirited of her to suck the glory out of Ang's win. That concave-chested, neurotic, glory sucker... Apparently being an emotional wreck is a good strategy for her though. Although I prefer to think they just didn't want to give Michael a 3rd win.
I was on the phone with my niece Sadie today...she's 3 and very fun to talk to on the phone. Last year at this time, you couldn't make any sense of anything that came outta her maw when you talked to her on the phone, but now she's a real hoot. (It occurs to me, incidentally, that I don't like talking on the phone with adult people) Sadie's in preschool, she goes 1/2 a day in the afternoons, and they were gonna leave soon to take her to class. She says to me "I gotta go to school." And I sez to her, I sez "Oh! GREAT!! Tell everybody I said hey!" to which she replied "But I'm going to see my friends there!" Now, I don't know if this was a prematurely teen-like statement (to the effect of "You are such an EMBARRASSMENT, Auntie. I would never mention you to my friends!!") or if it was just a 3 year olds confusion on why I would say hi to her pre-school friends that I've never met. For my ego's sake, I'll presume it was the latter sentiment. Anyhow, I thought it was cute.

Not that this has anything to do with anything, but I saw this on MSN homepage when I was doing my daily 'net perusal . I am mucho impressed, medical community!! How the HELL did youse guys swing that, I wonder??

Well, I'd best jet...it's Celebrity Duets tonight and I'll be durned if I miss it...

Mystery celebrity birthday

Before I start prattling on about my various TV addictions, I MUST serenade a very special celeb b-day boy (and veteran of one of my long ago TV addictions) Love this guy, love his bro, no way could I let his birthday go unmentioned. So, on with the serenade (Ahem hemhem..Mi, mi, mi, miiii...)-- Happy birthday to yoooooou,
Happy birthday to yooou!
Happy biiiirthdaaay dear, this guy...
Tell Topanga I said "Hey."

Note: If you need to click that link to figure out who I'm talking about, then you're probably too cool to be reading my blog.

Now onto the show least likely to be shown in syndication on the Disney channel, the fabulously filthy Nip/Tuck. Writers, if you make Christian gay, I'm going to be mightily displeased. I could threaten a lifetime boycott of the program, but who am I kidding? That would certainly be an idle threat. But I do promise to be very cross with y'all if Christian switches teams. It's cool with me if you want to make Matt gay or make that nurse chick even gayer. But NOT Christian (nor Sean..that wouldn't be OK with me either) C's behavior this past eppy is looking rather suspect (looking like he is indeed in the closet ...and digging in his heels!) I would think, if he was securely and positively hetero, then he would've dismissed the naked bj proffering boy with some mockery, some sarcasm definitely, maybe even some hollering, but such violence was suspiciously overreactive, methinks.
And I don't get the Matt subplot whatsoever. What the hell was he plugged into there when he was baring his soul to Kimber? It looked to be the credit card swiper from the Shaw's checkout, but I think it was probably something else. And whatever else it was, is Kimber licensed/ authorized to operate that?? Can that be bought over that counter at Walgreens or do you have to go to a special cult supply retailer? I wonder....
In Celebrity Duets news, (I just watched on Monday the results show from Fri --I'd taped it) I'll try to keep it brief, as I realize my tendency to get carried away on this particular topic. The 3 celebs w/ the lowest scores were: Leah Thompson, Carly Patterson, & Cheech (NOOOO!). And Leah was booted off. Which indicates that the voting public is not as horny and stupid as I thought. They're not going to be coerced into voting for you just because you're flashing all your junk. Her skirt on the Fri night show was slightly longer, but still, she would've had more coverage swathing her goods in a dish towel. So I thought that was fair since Cheech showed marked improvement and she showed the exact opposite. But that Carly should be voted off soon.
I watched a li'l bit of "Dancing With the Stars" last night while I waited for "Rockstar Supernova" to come on at 9. I was flipping around a bit so I really only caught 2 dances. Well, that's an inaccurate count, really. 1 1/3 dances would be the case. I watched Joey Lawrence, oh, gawd, so sorry JOE Lawrence (or is it Joseph? WOAH, am I confused!) and judged him to be terrif (particularly with his whizz! bang! opening...I dug that) And then, out of curiosity, I opted to behold the cataclysmic spectacle that was Tucker Carlson on the dance floor and could only bear about 1/3 of the performance before I had to change channels. Y'know when you're watching the telly, and some character's embarrassment creates in you this big surge of empathetic embarrassment that makes further viewing nearly intolerable?? That's what happened, except it wasn't nearly intolerable it was COMPLETELY intolerable. I imagine if I had any political slant to me whatsoever, and that slant was at odds with the Carlson ideaology, than I would've watched the whole thing with sadistic glee. But I don't know anything about TC (aside from his penchant for bow ties) and felt bad for the dude, dancing like the fun uncle at a wedding reception. And fun uncle, you know, can't dance worth a damn, but he really gives it his lumbering, rhythmless all (the poor schmuck). Incidentally, my first ever case of TV Induced Empathic Embarrassment (that I can recall) is that Who's the Boss classic when Tony walked in on Angela as she came outta the tub. Ay-OH! Oh-AY!!

RockStar Supernova season finale tonight. The final 4 are all pretty talented, but I think Dilana and Lukas are the 2 front runners. They are extraordinarily talented. Plus I covet Dilana's hair. But I'd never dare to duplicate that on my own head--I think a couple gallons of BLEACH went into that look. I guess I'm just not ROCK 'N' ROLL enough.

And let me leave you with some embarrassing personal news--
News item 1- I didn't realize until late in the day yesterday (after 7pm) that my underwear was on inside out. I get BONUS moron points because that was not the first time I've done that.
News item 2 (highly unlikely that this is a result of News item #1)-- I have a ginormous and unsightly cankersore, right at the top edge of my bottom lip, right side. So it peeks out a bit and looks sorta like somebody gave me a fat lip. Sweeeeeeet.
I was IM-nagging my office comrade Robin to "pleeeease make for me a soothing poultice" but she failed me. It amused me to keep begging though. If I must be temporarily deformed thusly, at least I can use this as an opportunity to enjoy the humorous antiquity of the word "poultice" Poultice. Poultice. HA HA HAAAAHAAA!! I took these little salt packets out of the community condiment stash and I kept putting salt on the thing. I don't even know for sure that that helps anything. I know it would fix me up if I had a slug dwelling on my bottom lip but I don't know for sure that it cures cankersores. Though, if I may be disgustingly candid with you, my darlings, this cankersore bears the vaguest of resemblances to a slug. It is a slug like presence anyhow, so let's hope the salt did its thing. After all, I don't want to have looked like an utter tool all afternoon for nothing. Most of the time my bottom lip was jutted way out in a facial homage to Bubba from Forest Gump. No fooling! If I wasn't a white gal with a colossal cankersore, I'd have looked exactly like that dude!! And then I got this white saline residue on my lips...much like the residue on the side of your car in January.

Ahhh well, I can't be a total fox everyday.
Gotta jet...

Hmmm, do I want the Big Grab of Fritos or the original lithograph?

Posting again, as I'm just sooo enamored of my new linking skillz (thanks a mil, Rob).

I thought this was pretty damned clever. I'm gonna campaign for one of these outside my local Borders....

Tah, for today mah homedonkeys!!

Cupidity stupidity

I love shopping with my sister. She has boundless energy reserves for shopping--is the very dedicated sort of shopper that will hit the store 10 min before closing and stay an hour and a half totally regardless of how toxically all the employees are glaring at her. So yeah, there's been times that I feared, because of Laura, that I was going to be locked in Target overnight... but still, I love shopping with her. No matter how much I overdo it, she always makes me look like an amateur. Well, now, 2 days later, with my blissful shopping hangover more or less evaporated, I see how I overdid it. Reality is setting in and guilt is getting its ugly foothold in my heart. But when I shop w/ Laura, I get that lovely fleeting moment when, just coming back from the hunt, I observe how I've got 3-4 bags in contrast with Laura's s 30-40 bags.

As you mighta guessed, I did not keep it to a "browsing expedition only" as I'd previously posted was my intent. Here's the damage--
Christmas Tree Shoppe--
a shawl/ scarf, stripes in a darkish autumny palatte (only $2!!)
a new coffee mug -- pottery made in Poland (it's a cute mug, but I think a large part of its allure is simply that it's NOT made in China)
a funky scrapbook kit (I'm not into that stuff..'twas for my oldest niece)
Bath & Body Works--
C.O. Bigelow analgesic lotion --I like this brand a lot. It's pretty much why I came back to Bath & Body Works after shunning the place for years. This stuff was hellah expensive so it had better work!!
Target--
denim jacket
leggings
scoop neck shirt in the most awesome shade of green
DVD of Little Big Man
compilation CD of "crooners" (has some Dino, someTony Bennett, essentially I bought it to get Paul Anka's "Put your Head on my Shoulder")
toy microphone (for Lucy)
a toy dino that grows in agua (for Seth)
a Disney Princess pen (for Sadie)
DSW Shoe Warehouse--
3pk of black socks
slip on faux Converse style sneakers--white with black skulls doodled on 'em
Old Navy--
a funky "S" magnet
AC Moore (arts & crafts)
rubber cord for stupid bracelet weaving--7 different colors (I had gone in to find more
Winsor& Newton ink but they didn't have it, didn't have much of anything for ink, really. But I couldn't leave an arts & crafts sore empty handed!!)

And I think that be it. But I have a feeling that that's all I can remember. Since I'm in materialism mode at present, and because I finally figured out the art of posting links (sadly, I had help...it was tremendously SIMPLE and yet I'd never been able to figure it out on my own. Oy vey! Anyways, I am consequently very link-happy today.) I'm going to share with y'all a great gift suggestion for my impending b-day. Only 49 shopping days left!! I know that sounds like a lotta shopping days but I am demanding some real gift giving ingenuity from youse people this year!! After all, this year is the last year I'm going to be any fun at all. Y'know how most all peoples, after reaching a certain a point in adulthood, either HATE their birthday or are totally dismissive of it ("Naw, I didn't do anything special. It's just another day") Well, I think, if I evolve the way I'm supposed to, then Oct 2007 will be the b-day where I become
one of those people. Ew...I shudder to think! Get me those fabulous and extravagant gifties NOW, when I still think my birthday is a big fat deal.

I've also been wanting a laptop for sometime...

I'm a total Celebrity Duets Junkie!

Ok, first order of business: Celebrity Duets was on last night. Let's recap, shall we?
Before I rate the contestants, though, I want to judge the judges...
David Foster-- He is really settling in quite comfortably into the role of the panel's obligatory tough-as-nails bastard. This persona is grating, but I'm sorta resigning myself to it. What's really annoying is his tendencies for self-promotion. He has a hard time limiting his comments to the performances only. He'll occasionally say "Now, would I produce you?" or he'll preface something with "If I had you in the studio.." and both just strike me as his oh-so subtle way of saying to viewers: "Hey. David Foster,here. Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal."
The keywords here methinks are "kind of". I mean, if he's such a HOT producer, with LA clout and Grammys up the hoo-hah, then he oughtta be secure in his power and not have to continually remind people what a big shot he is. Sheeesh!!
MARIE OSMOND-- I can see she is totally ecstatic to be back on the tube. However, I also sense that she's TERRIFIED that Tutti Fruity is going to outshine her. So she's been doing her homework--literally. This woman has read--cover to cover and back again--"1001 Jokes, Puns, & Limericks for Kids" and WOWEEE does it show! Marie was really letting the groan-inducing zingers fly last night--
Her praise for Hal Sparks: "Hal to the chief!!" (Oy!)
After Cheech Marin's duet: "Thank you for showing us the reach of Cheech.." (Ummm. Ok?)
After Carly Patterson sang with the Pointer Sisters' Anita Pointer: "Anita Pointer must have really given you some good pointers!!" (Urrr. I'm dumber for having listened to that.)
Keep trying Marie!! You can hold your own next to Li'l Richard, I knows you can!! Maybe show up drunk next episode??
LITTLE RICHARD-- This man's oddly riveting line of gibberish nearly prevented me from taking note of his spectacular head of hair. Little Richard has the most exotic mullet in show biz. 50% oily rat hair, 50% lhasa apso, and 100% MAGNIFIQUE!!

And really, it's a smart idea for him to keep himself so lovely, considering how the judges are really just ornamental to the show now. Yep, now it's : vote, vote, vote, vote early, vote often, as the outcome of Celeb Duets is in the hands of the foolish public! If that's the way they wanted to run the show, then I'm wondering why they let the judges make the big decision in the first episode. Seems unfair. "We're going to give you a fleeting taste of power, Bastard, Fruit Cup, & Marie, but don't get accustomed to it, ya hear??" It's like they're toying with them.....cool.
Now, as for what the judges had to pretend-judge...
HAL SPARKS was up first. Later on in the show, one of his supporters in the audience waved a sign reading "I'm Your Gal Hal!!" Hmmm.
Actually, I'm not entirely sure Hal is into the gals. And yet... I am not thoroughly convinced that he is NOT into gals. I think it's probably his infinitesimal but very theatrical swatch of facial hair that lends him that aura of mystery. Well, anyways, for a fellah whose sexual prefs are sorta ambiguous, he generated a fair amount of heat with WYNONA of all people. That's a long Y sound in the name, I'll mention, lest you confuse her with any famous shoplifters. Hal & Wy sang "I Want To Know What Love Is" with their undercarriages smooshed firmly together (no fooling) and Hal even stole a smooch at the song's end. To quote the Honorable Fruity Monster-mullet: "Hoooooo! My, my, my, my, my, MY!" As for the singing part of the thing, they did a really good job of it. I had grown desensitized to the song, having heard Foreigner whine their way through it somewhere close to a bajillion times. But they actually made me like the song again.
LEAH THOMPSON-- Oh, Leah. I'd had such high hopes for you. But you really disappointed last night!! In her pre-performance interview, L confided her biggest fear was embarrassing her teen daughters. Well, I think she should've recalled that sentiment before she took to the stage looking like an aging hooker! Ok, that was harsh. Her dress was actually kind of cute except for the fact the cooter-to-hemline distance was scandalously teensy. I think she felt pressured to sex it up, it being her 1st appearance on stage with another girl. She was confident that neither Randy Travis or Mikey Bolton (her prev. duet partners) were gonna "outfox" her. But now she had to sing alongside the lovely and talented Belinda Carlisle. So she donned a rather attention getting dress. And it was odd--incongruous, I'd say--to see Leah so sluttily attired. She is such a wholesomely pretty lady...it was like looking at a Midge doll that had raided the Bratz wardrobe. Also she opted for a real attention grabbing opening. Oy that opening! She did this KAPOWIE big action opening, lunging at the camera, trying to ooze ferocity. I was frightened! I mean, sudden movements tend to make me jump anyway, skittish little poppet that I am, but my BIG fear was that she was about to do a Tae Bo kick of some sort. And in that dress, a high kick could quite possibly result in the FCC shutting down the whole Celebrity Duets party. Then you would've ruined EVERYONE'S good time Miss Amanda Jones, how would that have made you feel??
Belinda outsang, outshone, and certainly outclassed Leah. "Heaven is a Place on Earth" is a shitty song to do as a duet, and Leah sounded shitty. But after the song, Belinda was gracious enough to gush about how well their voices blended together. I thought the exact opposite was true, actually. And then the judges really baffled me and gave the duet glowing reviews. I think they're all high off of Little Richard's wig shellac. That's the only explanation that makes any sense!!
CHEECH MARIN-- He was definitely most improved. I thought he did a pretty great job, even if he did have to sing a country song (that vile vile musical pablum! A pox upon the airwaves!) Of course, Fathead Foster had something disparaging to say, but he can go suck eggs. Yaaay, Cheech!!
CARLY PATTERSON -- She was definitely more relaxed than on the premier episode. Maybe a stay of execution created in her a real sense of exhilaration. She sang "I'm So Excited" with Anita Pointer. She seemed to really be having a good time with it and looked cute in some casual threads rather than the prom wear she sported in episode 1. Still, that performance had such a Wheeeee! GIRL POWER! feel to it that it woulda felt apropos for her to be singing it into a hairbrush rather than a mic.
David Foster called it "Not bad. But not great." Which was pretty restrained of him. This was an opportunity to release some really scathing criticism and he held back. Why is he intent on being nice to Carly Patterson?? I think, maybe, he wants to get her into the "studio". Eh? If you catch me drift, eh? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. (if you are not catching my drift, cut out phrase "the studio" substitute "the sack". It may now begin to dawn on you)
LUCY LAWLESS-- She seemed really, really excited to see Kenny Loggins. As if they weren't just surprising the audience by revealing her mystery duet partner, but she wasn't in on who it was either. But I figure she probably knew. She clapped her hands and hopped up and down like an eager little fan girl who just might wet 'em because she saw old Kenny hobbling onstage. Ok, so he didn't hobble but he for real looked pretty decrepit. And then they sang "Whenever I Call you Friend".Which I hate. Sure ya get those immature giggles from the repeated assertion "I know forever we'll be DOING IT right" (Huh huhhuh huh..He said, doing it. Did you hear that, Beavis??) but after that novelty wears off, you've got a real sad sack of a song. With flaky lyrics, if ever you can make out what the hell's being sung.
ALFONSO RIBIERO-- sang "On the Wings of Love"with James Ingram. No qualms with this duet. As y'all know, I feel 'Fonso can do no wrong. Fathead Foster seems to be warming up to him slightly. Although he condemned his dancing,(of all things!) obviously ignorant of the tremendous contribution Carl- I mean, Alfonso, has made to the art of dance. (Fool!) And then Foster tossed out one of his frequent "If I had you in the studio..." How damned presumptuous of you, sir! When Ribiero makes his breakthrough double platinum album, what makes you think he'll come knocking on your studio door. This man knows Will Smith, ya know! And you-- well you produce Streisand records, so that doesn't exactly make you au courant, you cocky S.O.B.
JAI RODRIGUEZ-- In his pre-performance interview he expressed nervousness about excess phlegm-iness, possibly some kind of head cold. And I thought to meself "Yesssss! Those bedtime prayers are really paying off! God is sabotaging him for me!" But then he came out on stage and really nailed it. Grrr. He sang "Back at One" with Brian McKnight. Some waaay rabid Brian McKnight fan was screaming her weave off. Like, not "Wooo-hoo! Brian McKnight, he is an R&B superstar, I love him!" type of scream. It sounded more like a chainsaw murderer was bearing down on her, it was that type of scream. But she only got like 3 of those blood-curdlers out, I suspect the Celebrity Duets Crowd Control promptly detained her or hosed her down or chloroformed her or whatever. Which is a pity. Because I think more horrified screaming is just what is needed to make that song more tolerable. That awful, awful, insipid song. It's like listening to a g.d. recipe.

It was misleading of me to start out with "first order of business" and get you people anticipating a "second order of business" and quite possibly a "third order of business" but I'm plumb run outta steam, my pretties. I'm sorry if I let y'all down. But I gotsta rest up for a big day of shopping tomorrow. Me, Laura, & Kristi are doing a big mall day (down in Holyoke) sans kiddies. It'll be mostly a browsing expedition por moi--if I'm sensible. But y'know, consumer restraint is an even more tiring exercise than just shopping, so I'm gonna wrap it up and turn in.
Bon soir!!

the hitchhiker's guide to reality TV

So I took my mandatory dosage of reality TV meds last night: Rock Star Supernova & Project Runway. I will rant about Project Runway first 'cause I don't really have much ranting to do about the other...

Mixed feelings about this episode. First off, the POSITIVE--
BUUUUHBYE VINNY, you freakin' loony!! His dismissal was long overdue. I had DESPERATELY wanted him to get booted on the recycled materials challenge when he made that dress that made the model look like the garbage can of a 2nd grade art class. That was hideous. So was his couture outfit. He apparently thought he had top-notch couture skillz, but the fit on the dress was beau coup shitty. And those sleeves? Retro-futuristic? I dunno what he was going for with the sleeves, actually, but they boggled my mind. Though they did complement the outfit pretty well, as they too, were beau coup shitty. As lousy as that dress came out, I'm sure some of those black marks against him were due to how he totally creeped the French judge out. YOU ARE THE MOST MARVELOUS WOMAN I HAVE EVER MET!!! Her rating of Vin? It went something like "No, no, no, no, no, NO, NO!" Obviously the poor dame was traumatized.
I also like how Laura was all, "That tacky-ass Kayne is going to get booted!!" and then she was the one that was nearly booted! Sweet! I don't like all that criticizing and sneering and snarking. Maybe my "can't-we-all-just-get-along?" mentality is kinda naive, kinda sappy...but that's the way I feel about it, damn it! That's why I like Michael... he is talented, si, but also he steers clear of the drama. He gets zoned in on his work and doesn't yap about everybody else's shortcomings.
Speaking of Laura, her designs are beginning to bore the hell outta me. They're all really impressively well made (especially considering the time constraints) but --yaaawwwn! In this challenge I think she made her own dream dress. I know, I know, they modelled their own stuff in the last challenge, but maybe her hormone-addled brain's got her all disoriented. Or not...she may just want it to supplement her wardrobe after the show wraps. Whatev. Anyway, I think her inner-dialogue was "Ok, girl. Accentuate the positive, conceal the negative. Let's make something that skims forgivingly o'er my preggie bump . BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY--must showcase the sunken-in boy chest. Perhaps by framing it with a great plumage of ruffles--Harlequin-style. Yeeeah. God, I really love my own concaveness. I'm hot!!"
I don't know about the winning design. I did really like that color/ pattern...hey, I'll give credit where credit is due, even if said credit is due to a foul cretin like Jeffrey. Maybe I just don't get couture-- is it supposed to look like it goes with Doc Martens?? Plus it had all sorts of complicated bustles and straps that turned me off.
Also, I liked Kayne's dress. It was universally panned as being garish and over-the-top, but I thought it was really lovely, particularly when worn by the NY model. Maybe, I'm not the fashionista I thought I was. After all, I AM wearing white pants today.... 3 WHOLE DAYS AFTER LABOR DAY!!!
On Rock Star... Toby got the encore. This Aussie seems to be an unstoppable force of studliness. But I am not wholly swayed by his external charms... I still hold a teensy bit of a grudge against him for liberties he took with "Rebel Yell" He omitted, like, 5 whole lines of the song!! Specifically, the slower part, that starts out "I walked the ward with you, babe.." He cut out the slow build-up entirely and started with "I'd give you all, and have NONE, babe.." Terrible, right? And he did that twice!! He did an encore of the song on the next episode...I would've forgiven him if he had corrected the faux pas then, but NOOOO! No sirree, Tommy Lee! He fouled yet again! That is one of my all time FAVORITES. For the love of Benji, that's BILLY F**KING IDOL!! You just can't do that. I don't care how fine you are, Toby.

But still... if I saw him on the street... I'd probably suppress my grudge....glom onto him like a barnacle....try and steal a smoochie.

White River Junction is a total hotbed for hitch hikers. (just somethin' I've been mulling over. Please forgive my uncharacteristic absence of segue, amigos) I see them all the time, particularly around the on-ramps to the interstate. I wonder if anybody picks these people up. I would never dare. I'm curious...which is the more perilous endeavor-- hitchhiking or picking up hitchhikers??
Sometimes one of these hitchers that are bumming around the on ramps will wield a sign that sez "Going to Burlington" Burlington is an hour and a half ride up I89!!! Isn't that a smidgeon unreasonable ? I feel quite certain--if ever I was miraculously bold enough to pick up a hitcher, that boldness would have a time limit...15 minutes of maniacal derring-do at the MOST. You just might be the new Ted Bundy, fellah, so in my car, you're only gonna have 10 minutes to whip out your concealed Ginsu knife and off me. Strict time constraints have thwarted many a homocidal hitchhiker, don'tcha know?

Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry....

Y'know , as big a deal as the press made about the bizarro "Silent Birth" ritual that Katie had to endure I'm surprised that nothing's being said about this Scientologtical practice of outfitting wee little infants with toupees. It's ALARMING, to say the least.

Suri with the fringe on top, indeed!!

Just had a terrific lunch, thanks to all the leftovers Aunt 'Rainey sent me home with last night. Shrimp Scampi, garlic bread, & salad..MMmmmmmmmmmmm. And with lotsa garlic, just like I like it. She spoils me.

I watched the premier of Nip/Tuck last night. Not easing into season 4 at all. Right at the start of the show it's - gore, brief respite, and then soft core porn. Yowza. I don't like Dr BrookShield's inferrence that Christian is gay for Sean. Well, the doc technically said "in love with" but of course he interpreted that sexually. Definitely C & S love each other, but not like that. And YES, I find it implausible because Christian is such a prolific man-slut (with the ladies) I realize there's such a thing as overcompensating, but in C's case, I'd call that over-over-over-over-compensating. I think when you, uhhh, er, compensate as much as that fellah does, there's got to be some genuine hetero-lust at the core of it. I hate how small-minded I sound but I must confess: I'll be peeved if this show goes all Brokeback on me. But judging from the season preview they played after the show, it doesn't look they're going to really explore that storyline .

I'm peeved at Rock Star Supernova for ousting Ryan Starr. He was just emerging as my fave and they cut him. Damn you, Supernova!! I don't know what Magni is still doing in the running...he can sing for sure but has yet to really "dazzle" me. Toby---ooooh-- Toby can dazzle me by just standing there. What a fox. Like, he is sooo damned attractive, he may just be chosen for the band on account of the high caliber of groupies he'll be able to snare for those old farts. Or if he IS chosen to join the band, Tommy Lee might go gay for him. Seriously. Toby is that pretty. Sure Lukas has tremendous vocal talent , but he looks like the love child of Robert Smith and a dead porcupine.

And tonight ("Hump Night") is a key reality TV night with the RockSar elimination show and Project Runway. Did I ever mention how vexed I was with the outcome of the last PR eppy??I know it woulda been dull for Michael to win yet another challenge, but that is exactly what I wanted to see happen. His outfit was really good looking. And Jeffrey's?? Yeah, it was well made, and I got where it was coming from but the whole get-up (and the foul creator/model of it) just irked me. It did say "rock star jet setter" loud and clear. But you know what it said even louder? "LOOK AT THE UNNECESSARY RHINESTONE LANDING STRIP SEWN INTO MY CROTCH!! GO ON, NOW..LOOK AT IT!!" I cannot bear to post a pic of that cretin in my blog, but I feel a visual aid is needed to make my point, so go here: http://www.bravotv.com/Project_Runway/rate/season/3/episode/8/4

to see just what I mean. Did he or did he not make his skanky ol' crotch the focal point of that design?? Blecccch! And poor Angela. There was no question that she had to go at some point, but what lousy timing that her elimination coincided with Jeffrey's win. Give that cucaracha another reason to be all smug, eh?? But speaking of neccessary eliminations, when are they going to get rid of that kook Vincent??

Well I should have more insubstantial trivialities (some of them Project Runway related, I imagine) to spew on the morrow, my darlings. I 'm gonna jet now...
Tah tah!

Am I misguided in thinking that I got a terrific lunch deal outta the cafeteria vending machine? I procured 1 cup of Kraft Easy Mac for a dollar. That's feeling like a super bargain but I could be naive in that notion. After all, it's 2.05 ounces of elbow macaroni and cheeeezy powder... for $1...they've probably marked that up 300%.

I had a feeling that I'd spend longer on my vacation recap than I actually spent vacationing. That feeling was right. But I hadn't taken into account the TV phenomenon that was Celebrity Duets, nor did I predict that I'd be compelled to ramble on and on and on ad infinitum about said TV phenom.

I hope to wrap up the recap today...if I take much longer, I shall surely forget what the hell I did on vaca.

WEDNESDAY AUG 23--
This was our first day in Ottawa. Laura, Greg, & kids went to some anthropological museum, which sounded like it was lotsa fun, but Mum, Dad & I couldn't get our arses outta bed & primped in time to accompany them. Instead we roamed Ottawa and I dazzled one and all with my map reading/ navigational prowess. We stopped for a few hours at this ginormous mall where I bought a shirt which just might make me look like a trend-glomming fashion victim. But I like the shirt, so I am determined to not give a rat's fanny. I think it will make its office premier this week sooo..nah nah nah boo boo.
THURSDAY AUG 24--
The whole lot of us went to the wee li'l teensy weensy burg of Blue Sea Lake in Quebec. Specifically it was a municipality, not even a town, but it was incorporated...but not until 1921, which made our whole Blue Sea Lake quest rather problematic. Y'see, my paternal grandfather (Pepere, as I called him) was born in Blue Sea Lake in 1907 and their family moved in 1917. My Dad wanted to take a look at where exactly Pepere had lived in his youth, at least at the same plot of land ('cause the actual house was apt to be torn down). But the town had no
pre-1921 records. Our best bet was the church records, but the church was not staffed with office help on that day (Mon & Wed only- just our luck) so we couldn't even access that info.
Just the same, it was nice to wile away the afternoon in this idyllic little burg, good to see some of the Canadian countryside. Although I am very relieved we didn't go with the early draft of our vaca plans, which would've had us going straight to Blue Sea and staying there for the whole week. Lovely it was, but NO THANKS. It woulda been unspoiled nature and gorgeous lake views abounding, but 4 kids and absolutely NADA to do.
Also on Thurs (after our return to civilization) Laura, Lucy,and I went on an epic walk and we both bought art supplies at this place called Wallack's. Laura bought stuff to carve out print making stamps and I bought paper,a pen for pen & ink drawings and 2 colors (black & vermillion) of Winsor & Newton ink (which I find indescribably adorable... have a look-see here:http://www.winsornewton.com/index2.php ) After that we had dinner at the best Irish pub ever (http://www.darcymcgees.ca/ottawa/index.html) . Well, it may be a bit hasty to proclaim "BEST IRISH PUB EVER", especially before I make my pilgrimage to Dublin. So lemme rephrase-- "Darcy McGees is the bestest Irish pub that I have thus far imbibed in". Their photo gallery doesn't do the place justice, I mean, I just perused the thumbnail pics but it looks to be all shots of their doofy patrons (sorry, sorry, forgive me--I'm sure all their customers are just great and thoroughly UN-doofy). The inside is really nice-- lotsa dark wood and stained glass. And best of all-- it's a pretty huge pub. I always give a place mucho demerits if I find it lacking in elbow room....this particularly applies to the Irish pubs I patronize, as I need a large-ish berth in order to air-fiddle to the best of my ability.
FRIDAY AUG 25--
Our last full day in Canada, we went to the much hyped Byward Market area of town. I thought it was pretty rad (& lived up to the hype) but my parents woulda rather done the mall again (sooo they thought it lived up to the hype notsomuch). Hey, I dig the mall, don't git me wrong, but it's a bit lacking in local flavor, y'know?
We had a bit of last-night-in-Canada-drama in the form of a 2:30 am fire alarm in our hotel. And the good news is this-- for a thoroughly out-of-shape human slug, I can really haul arse when it's required of me. I made it out of the room, and to the front of the hotel in,I'd say, just over 2min. That's down 8 flights of stairs, lugging my purse and a 30lb child. The bad news is this-- My morals are in a state of heinous decay. Here's why... The fire alarm wakes me up, I yell "It's a fire alarm!!" y'know to just convey to my folks that they're not having some, winning at the Vegas one-armed bandit dream (because that's pretty much what the ringing of the Lord Elgin fire alarm sounds like, and it probably wasn't even as loud) and my mom is all agitated, and I get her shoes lined up by the door (I've got mine on, plus a purse on my left shoulder, a 3yr old on my right hip) and tell her they're there by the door and to put them on NOW (barking commands like a drill sergeant, which, not surprisingly, does not work to quell agitation) and she's all consumed with finding her robe because she can NOT go out in her nightie and to that sentiment I couldn't sympathize with since I happened to be pretty well covered with my sleeping attire (Oh, ok, since your mind's eye is straining sooo hard to get the complete image...it was black work out shorts and black AC/DC tee) and so I barked out something appropriately unsympathetic like "Don't worry, none o' your junk is hanging out--LET'S GOOOO!" Not very nice to say to your Mum, eh? I was maybe a wee bit panicky, try to cut me some slack. But here comes the real abominable part... My Dad, who is assisting in the robe search, barks back "Just take Sadie and go" And I was GONE. Out the door before he even got the "o" part of "go" finished. Well, that may be exaggerating things, but he did not have to tell me twice, let's just say. And as I said before, I made it downstairs & out front with astonishing speed (for me). Once I was down there, I was all worried about my parents getting out, and kept anxiously watching the streams of hotel guests that were coming from both sides of the building. But that fire alarm, like, instantly kicked me into worst case scenario mode and the adrenaline mighta made me loopy. Whereas Greg & my sister automatically presumed it was no biggie (it turned out that it really was no big deal) and they let Seth go to the bathroom, and put on clothes, then they actually (this was a bit idiotic) called the front desk. "Hello concierge? Yes. Fine thanks! Yes, this is room 806...is there REALLY a fire in the building? Oh yeah? OHMIGOSH! Well, I guess I'd best go then. Thanks ever so much! Buh bye now..." But though my sis had a rather BIG brainfart with that move, she did hang back & herd my parents out of the hotel. So I can't really razz her too much, blackhearted piece of shit that I am.
SATURDAY AUG 26--
Lengthy and dull drive home. YAAAAWWWN.

Phewwwww! I'm glad I finally wrapped that up. It's quite anticlimactic when its drawn out so much, but I was intent on finishing what I'd started.

I was going to prattle on a bit more.... had stuff to say about the bizarro but SAD passing of the Croc Hunter, but I'll save that for tomorrow as I'm running late already for dinner at my Aunt 'Rainey's.
Adieu, my lovelies....