Finds in Carol Wright Gifts (wooo hoo!)

My parents get the Carol Wright Gifts catalog. It's a peculiar melange of elements ,that Cdub-ya G (as I am apt to call it) . Like on one page, you have orthopedic shoes, anti-embolism hose , and a tray to hook on to your walker and then turn the page and you've got your vibrating erection rings, the "butterfly kiss" personal massager. It's all very Blanche Devereaux and to be honest, it makes my lunch reflux on me a li'l bit. Blecccch.

Nevertheless, the CWG catalog is just the sort of pointless, mindless light reading that is ideal for potty time diversion. You can engage in a fun game of "Ok, if I had to buy something from this page--what would I pick??" 8 times outta 10, my choice is whatever item of terrycloth apparel is offered. It seems to me (that is, it's definitely my perception-however, I've yet to conduct any scientifical research on the subject) CWG has more terrycloth clothes than any other retailer. I probably wouldn't leave my house in terrycloth clothing, but it is a terrific fabric for bumming around the house, I feel. I sorta love it. In other terry related news--I used to have a Turbitwist but I lost it. Waah.

Anywhooo, without further ado, here's some interesting crap I found in the Carol Wright catalog whilest reading it on the can--

Bumpits...or as I will think of them: FAKE MUFFINS. (behold: they have their very own snazzy-ass website)

This hairdo will always & forever remind me of my old amiga Shannon. I worked with her at an answering service my last year of college. Back then, I never saw her without this artfully crafted mogul of hair that we inexplicably called "The Muffin".

I don't know how these fake muffins would work. Their site makes them look SOOO ridiculously simple--which makes me all the more certain that I would somehow botch the install. I'm not sure why..but methinks it would be kinda embarrassing to have the plastic infrastructure of your muffin/hair mogul revealed. Because one is trying to pass that off as all hair, si? Well, it would be something akin to having tissue pop out of your bra. Not that I ever did that. I never! Oh well, fine...I did use to cut shoulder pads out of shirts and repurpose the shoulder pads as bra padding. But let it be known that I never wasted good Kleenex.

WHAT THE WHAAA? Is Carol Wright importing goods from Wonkaville? Or perhaps The Island of Dr Moreau? I'm stunned and intrigued...willing to gnosh on one of those apricots ... as soon as I see its seal of approval from the FDA.

Hubba hubba. Beekeeper chic!! Might I suggest.. . . buy a can of Off! and quit freaking out the neighborhood kids.

Oooh..additionals only $5.99 ea? Yes please!! Ebony- for when I'm a femme fatale synchronized swimming star, Cotton Candy Pink for being the quintessential girl-next-door. . .synchronized swimming star. Yes, I shall need a vast spectrum of different hues for make believing I'm Esther Williams.

Okay this next one I actually saw in person (in Shaws) . I'm stunned I didn't find it in CWG, since they are so very omnipresent in the grocery stores lately...

Oh come OFF it!! Even with my middling culinary prowess, I can manage to slice up a fucking banana.