I am a reformed soap opera addict. I used to tape 2 daytime soaps daily (Guiding Light & As the World Turns). But one day the tape broke and I said to myself "Aaaagh..got to buy me a new blank tape" Except I am waaaaaay more addicted to procrastination than I ever was to any soap and that is why I kept reminding myself that I had to pick up a new tape without ever actually picking up a new tape. Until one day I didn't give a damn about taping the soaps anymore.
Well last Wednesday I found that I had another blank tape all this time. I felt like:Ooooh..here's a chance to record some show that my dumbass job prevents me from watching everyday. Except that I feel pretty good about weening myself off the soaps (no nutritional value whatsoever). So I thought...what daytime show do I wish I could stay home and watch everyday?? Pre1985, the answer to that would undoubtedly have been SESAME STREET . But my love for the Street is not what it once was. Not on account of my growing up though (don't fret).
So, ultimately, I went from the excessively juvenile to the waaaay other end of the spectrum. I am now taping The Price Is Right everyday. I genuinely DO love me some TPIR (that's what we devotees call it). Even though I am bummed about Bob Barker's impending retirement, it's certainly understandable. Dude is OOOOLD! And really, his job can be rather dangerous. I mean, he has to spot everybody spinning THE BIG WHEEL and most of 'em spin like they're trying to get the $1. space and a double hernia. But even more frightening is the crazed Barker groupies... The other day I watched when this Hispanic lady named Esperanza (who I would place in her 60s somewhereabouts) was called to "COME ON DOOOOWWN!" and loco abuela totally bypassed Contestant's Row and got on stage to accost poor Bob!! She was jogging right at him, and shaking her fists in the air and making these inarticulate "EEeeee!" noises. Poor Bob! He had to run away and dart behind the camera man!! He is too old to be running and darting! He is liable to bust a hip! And a lot of the old ladies in the TPIR audience have this really scarily excessive Barker-fever. I mean, Esperanza was the only one I've seen that couldn't keep it in check until she won a pricing game and gained legitimate entre to the stage, but ALL the old ladies are too up in Bob's grill. They get on stage and practically hump the poor guy's leg!
You know what **I** would never ever do, if ever, by God's good Grace, I made it on TPIR? Well, aside from dry humping Bob Barker I mean....(never say NEVER right? ha ha ha)
I would never, as last to bid on Contestant's Row, bid $1 higher than the highest bid. It might be strategically smart but there's more important things than smart strategy. Like consideration. Or a little thing called sportsmanship. Like POSESSING A MODICUM OF HUMAN DECENCY, DAMN IT! I really hate players that do that.
Something I don't get about TPIR prize packages. .. they seem to (have always seemed to) toss things together in a very arbitrary fashion. Particularly on the prize packages that the Contestant's Row Posse bid on. You know what I mean, right? If you've watched more than a few TPIR episodes than surely you have heard "And to the winner of this handsome grandfather clock goes a supply of Garlique! Garlique: the odor free, drug free, all-natural way to better cardiovascular health!"
What the fuck does Garlique have to do with the price of beer in Paraguay*? Or grandfather clocks either for that fucking matter?? I love you TPIR, but I swear, sometimes I think the braintrust that puts on this show is as dotty as its octagenarian fan base!!
Another thing I've noticed about the show, as I resume my viewership after a long absence... The homemade Tshirt , once the mark of a creative, enterprising minority, is now most definitely de rigueur. Those things are ALL OVER the damn audience!! I don't think all those people are that crafty... I highly suspect there is one or two go-to cheezy gift shops in the vicinity of CBS Studios out in CA that makes a killing selling these things. "Don't Retire, Bob!" "I've Had my Husband Spayed!!" Wow, with all that witty cotton, I imagine the pressure to distinguish oneself is TREMENDOUS.
Also very noticeably new on this show is the substandard announcer. I mean, OBVIOUSLY, you're not going to ever, ever be able to hire on another Rod Roddy, but I'm sure they could've done better than whatever schlub they've got as announcer presently. He is CRAP. Well, if TPIR lives on after Barker's retirement, they should replace lamearse-announcer-dude (SOOO unimpressive that his name is incapable of sticking in one's memory) when they recast host. I read some rumor about Mario Lopez being in talks for Barker's job. He's definitely robust enough to handle some excitable Seniors molesting him but... ehhh. The idea just don't sit right with me. Ideally (per moi)they would rig up some sort of animatronic Bob Barker to host the show for a few more decades. But in lieu of Robo-Barker, I'd like to see Chuck Woolery on TV more. Or Alan Thicke. Alan Thicke could do it. I'd be down with that.
* probably you thought I was going to say "the price of tea in China" That's what I'd meant but my innate abhorrence of cliches physically prevented my from typing that...hence..beer, Paraguay, etc . Hope that clears up any confusion
No comments:
Post a Comment