I want ESPN Classic!!

I may even have it. I dunno. I have basic (pirated) Adelphia cable, and there's a bunch of sports related channels in the 20s that I fly by in my channel surfing. I will have to flip through the 20s more slowly and/or consult the TV Guide channel and see if I do have ESPN Classic.

Now perhaps you're wondering--WHY on Earth would a person who is wholly indifferent to sports wish to watch ESPN Classic? Well first I would respond that that is a rather sweeping statement, it would be more accurate to say I am indifferent toward most sports. And then after I corrected you, I would answer that my entire motive for wanting ESPN Classic on my telly is : AMERICAN GLADIATORS!!!

Duh da da duh duh duuuuh! Da-dat-dat-daaaaa! (my typed approximation of that immortal theme music) YEEEEEE HAAW!!

I hadn't realized this show was back on the air (on ESPN Classic) but I serendipitously happened upon an episode while at my parents' casa this weekend. I was transfixed, and elated, and enchanted and nobody could talk to me for the hour. I don't know why I love that show but I DO!! OOoooh do I.

Now I used to watch A.G. but apparently never in 1989. That was the sole year they featured a Gladiator named "Malibu". He was in the ep I caught this weekend, and HOLY GUACAMOLE if I'd seen him before, he woulda stuck in my memory, I assure you. And I do not mean that "Holy Guacamole" in a good way, friends. I wanted to find a picture of the chap to post here, because words cannot aptly describe the laughable monstrosity that is this Malibu's hair. I could not find a picture though....
But I found BETTER ! I found a clip on YouTube with the guy being interviewed about an injury, and that was not a shrewd move for 'bu--talking, I mean-- because the dude's audio is every bit as ridiculous as his visual. He's got a dialectal resemblance to Spicoli or Ted Theodore Logan (a personal favorite of mine) while all the while making those gents seem like two of MENSA's finest. Behold!!

Well, surely I will update y'all either way...if I discover I have ESPN Classic there will be MUCH REJOICING and if not, expect some bitching. Although all would not be lost, as my sister not only has every channel known to man, but also has DVR. Haaa... when I ask her to DVR American Gladiators, she will be all "Say whaaaa? You on crack, bitch?" and I'll be all "YO! Just shut it and DO WHAT I TELLS YOU!" But still, I hope I have ESPN Classic, because I don't want to have to be a meanie (but I WILL).