I am truly surprised they're splitting. Not only does 11 years together qualify as superhuman marital longevity (in Hollywood) but the Mrs even tacked his last name on to hers. Think about it...how infrequent is that in that biz?? These actresses get married and...I don't know what the rationale is behind it...but they NEVER change their names. Like take for example one of the most recently wed in H'wood...Katherine Heigl. If she changes her name (and I don't mean legally..I mean publicly, as in her name in her movie & TV billings) to Katherine Kelley I will eat my effing hat. And y'know, it's a quite large-ish stovepipe with all manner of tough-to-digest ornamentation on it (if that tells ya how emphatic I am). I don't know why they never do it...I don't think it's that all actresses find it outdatedly traditional. Seems more likely that with all their varied legal entanglements / contractual obligations it's just a colossal pain in the ass to do a name change. Or maybe said contractual obligations actually prohibit a public name change ? I suppose that's more plausible than Katherine Heigl saying to herself "Katherine Kelley...though it has the alliteration goin' on...it's just not CATCHY enough. Plus 'Heigl' is so rad and German-sounding" or "Gawwwsh ...if I change mah name to Katherine Kelley...NOBODY WILL KNOW WHO THAT IS!!" Now that would mean the vast majority of celebs are just exceedingly vapid & superficial. Ahh, well that's pretty plausible also, I guess...
Anyways Robin made the rare gesture of taking on her hubby's name. That sure seemed an auspicious sign to me. And 11 years & 2 offspring...also seemed to be favorable omens. Although ... I was puzzled & alarmed by Sean's mysterioso involvement in Eve's arrest drama this past April. I mean, Sean visiting her was really the only intriguing detail in that news item (c'mon.. it was a celeb DUI arrest!! There's like 5 of those a week! Were I a gamblin' gal, I'd start up an office pool, betting on which celebs would next be booked for DUI. Can't you just picture it? "I got $50. on Mickey Rooney and $25 on Nancy McKeon!!" But I digress..) And as soon as I read that bit I thought..."Hmmm...has Sean been gettin' a little somethin'-somethin' on the side?" Of course...I only thought this to myself because I got the feeling that if I were to actually say such a thing...somehow, as a result of my comment, Sean Penn would track me down wherever I was and punch me in the face. It's been quite a while since I've read of Mr Penn being in a physical altercation but still...he still seems very much that type, don't he?? I was irritated , when the E! Online article makes mention of that Eve connection, it sez :
"Penn raised eyebrows in April when he appeared at a Hollywood police station in the wear hours to comfort Eve following her DUI arrest. "
That's a copy-and-paste right there--EXACTLY how they wrote it. I'd like to know, Josh Grossberg, esteemed author of the "Penn, Wright Splitsville" article, what precisely are these "wear hours" you speak of?? I guess I am not familiar with this figure of speech. Also it's noted that this news item was posted around 7am 12/28 so there's been ample time to proofread this...provided you imbeciles know what proofreading is....
Grammatical righteous indignation aside, it's good (thorough reporting) that they mentioned that...as soon as I heard tell of this divorce I thought back to that Eve news item from earlier in the year and recalled how it--as Josh wrote--raised my eyebrow. Or raised both my eyebrowS, I mean. Well, see, I had wanted to raise just one of 'em ...specifically my left (in that cool manner popularized by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Ohhhh how I adore thee, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson...) but I've yet to master the single brow raise, damn it.
Even with the whole "Eve mystery" lurking in the periphery of this tale, I am still quite surprised by the split. In fact, I have not been this shaken by the dissolution of a star-marriage since the nasty '93 bust-up of Burt & Loni.
However, in my perfunctory research on Mr Penn, I picked up some interesting biographical trivia (the thrill of finding a decent trivia-nugget dulls my shock somewhat ) It was pretty widely known that Sean had a famous younger brother (Chris Penn-- awesome as "Nice Guy"Eddie in Reservoir Dogs/ died tragically in Jan 2006) but his older bro is famous too. Uhh, somewhat famous, I should say. Remember the late 80s one hit wonder "No Myth"?? Well the singer who gave us that li'l gem is Michael Penn--older brother of the aforementioned Sean & Chris. Also Michael Penn happens to be married to Aimee Mann (of "'Til Tuesday" fame). I guess that's less surprising, as it seems like burnt-out 80s popsters have a penchant for pairing off and getting hitched (a la Wham's Andrew Ridgely & one o' the chicks from Bananarama)
Not that you asked me, but I quite prefer Mann's big hit (Voices Carry) over her hubby's. It's not that I'm exceedingly keen on "Voices Carry" but "No Myth" has always mildly irked me. After reading the lyrics, I can see how the dude has a way with words that makes me want to like the song but the fact remains that I just don't. I know if the song were to come on the radio right now (well, I'm not presently listening to the radio, but let's pretend I am) it would take all of a half nanosecond for my hand to shoot out & change the station (or at least turn the volume low). I'm pretty sure it has something to do with that oft repeated chorus and the personal connotations it evokes in me.
"What if I were Romeo in black jeans
What if I were Heathcliff, it's no myth
Maybe she's just looking for
someone to dance with"
Sartorially speaking, it was sooo not a great idea to reiterate one's penchant for black jeans. So there you have it...I hear that line and my mind's eye flashes on a dude in black jeans and right at the outset of the chorus my reflex is..."ick" Although to be fair, it coulda been much worse. It was the 80s, Penn conceivably coulda mentioned ACID WASHED JEANS. That would be beyond "mildly irritating"(as I currently rate the song) and earn the tune the "downright vile" classification.
Now our next line is about Heathcliff. For the record, I AM literate enough to know that that's a Wuthering Heights reference. And y'all know how I appreciate a well-read fellah. Just the same...I can't help it...I think of the CAT Heathcliff. You know the one: "Heathcliff, Heathcliff, no one should terrify their neighborhood..."
The last two lines of the chorus are innocuous enough but not powerful enough to purge from my noggin thoughts of some mysterious ill-dressed dude (possibly making bad jeans worse by wearing a poofy Shakespearian blouse) and that skid row Garfield knock-off.
1 comment:
It would serve you so very well to check out the rest of Michael Penn's catalog. He's truly one of the best songwriters out there. Many more will attest - he's got a pretty good fan following.
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