"Well Let Me Ask You THIS.."

Okay...these 4 minutes and 39 seconds I am about to lay on ya should ABSOLUTELY make up for any recent neglect on my part.



I was writing out Christmas cards, and listening to one of those Music Choice TV stations when *that* came on. After actually, physically doing a double take,   I thought, " I bet this ridiculously bad song has a ridiculously bad video." Hence my seeking it out on YouTube.  And believe it or not, I was hoping for something a little more ridiculous.  The low-budget Claymation is just SAD.   I mean, it is quite crappy and cheesy, but overshadowed by the song itself.  The whole interrogation style of it  kinda makes ya feel like you're in couples' counseling.

Hands down, the best part  is him quoting his sassified partner (he did say "sassified",yeah? Did I hear that rightly??)  at the 3:13 mark"ClarenceCarterClarenceCarterClarenceCarterClarenceCarterClarenceCarter awww SHIT ClarenceCarter"  I wonder why it is  he insists on his special sassified ladies addressing him only by his full name??

New Product Alert

The Love Is Art kit came to my attention via a catalog I get in the mail called Uncommon Goods.

I am not opposed to buying this.  I mean, presently, I don't have anyone to use it with, but if I did, I think it would make for a very clever Valentine's Day gift.  The only thing that would stop me from buying it for my Valentine is that I have a mile-wide cheapskate streak and I would talk myself out of it thusly: "Ok, Sandra you *know* what is in the kit...can you not reproduce that on the cheapie-cheap? Get some posterboard, grab a gallon of Sherwin Williams, stop off at Walgreens for a 4 pack of wine coolers and it's ON, babe" 

But imagine...perhaps this beau that cranks out this amazing avante garde marvel with you just happens to be THE ONE.  This could be the best part, methinks. You marry this guy.  Your coital  masterpiece is hanging up in the livingroom...and yeah, it gives the room a nice focal point and look how it complements the sage accents in the throw rug but ALSO..you and the hubby have this great, bonding inside joke.  Like, your pastor comes over for brunch and admires your painting's enthralling asymmetry and y'all are inwardly losing your shit.  And your progeny haven't the slightest inkling about how or where you got that artwork that's over the mantel.  Of course you be the sort of sicko sadist parent that reveals all about the painting's origins and wind up with a kid that can't walk into the livingroom without  cringing.

I was a little surprised though, at the number of reviews on the Uncommon Goods website from folks who bought this for other people.  Like for *other couples*.  Generally, as a wedding gift.  Either you're really close to this couple (like fellow swingers, maybe?  I'm totally imagining that someone like this duo  giving the kit  for a gift) or it's just awkward.  It IS awkward, isn't it? It's not just me being prudey and Catholic about it?

If I'd had Facebook 20 years ago....

...would I have used it so insipidly???  I guess I can't say for sure, but I'd like to think my 15 year old self would be fairly savvy.

I don't know if you have, or have had, or will have a 15 yr old niece on Facebook, but I tell ya, it's an exercise in self-restraint. If my sister ever logged on (she is not 1/2 the FB junkie that I am...which is funny since she coerced *me* into creating an account back in the day) she would go loco with trying to discern the bullshit faux angst from legit issues. 

She's always posting lovesick yearnings, like addressing some anonymous unrequited love. And probably about 45% of it is quoting Taylor Swift songs, but I can never tell right away 'cause I'm hardly up on my Swifty.

The funny thing is, when you directly question her about it , "Sooo, are you OK?" or "Is there someone at school you're crushing on??"  she will react like it was the most INTRUSIVE thing *EVER*  for you to ask such a thing.  As if it were a top secret subject!!  Posting 3/4 of a revelation online and then pleading the fifth in person is something akin to people who start to tell you something but suddenly opt not to. Except  it's not at all an internalized about-face, it's saying out loud: "Oh, I heard something that I shouldn't tellll--oh. Uh. Nevermind. No. I'm not going to tell you." Grrr...WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT'S OK TO DO THAT???  That is maaaad irksome!! 

So, OK,  if my niece is indicative of your average teenager, than I deduce that teens are wont to vent about their innermost secrets on the internet... broadcast to just 200 of their closest friends.... and 300 of their closest passing acquaintences??  I am going to appropriate from Cosby and deem them all BRAAAAIN DAMAGED!

The other day, Chloe posted this pic--

Usually I do manage to ignore her, but I was feeling impish on this particular day, so I responded with--

 

Well, okay, I suppose that could do with a bit of explanatory backstory.  The day before, I had shown her the sound board website Instants Fun! and there was one sound on there that gave her the big time creeps.  It was the slow singing of the phrase "Jiggly Puff".  Later, I snooped around a li'l bit and discovered it was from some pivotal scene in an episode of  Pokemon .  I posted that scene to Chloe's wall--

 



Well, even with her having that much context, I felt I needed to elaborate. So I further commented--

 

 And then---

 

 

 

Yeah, I don't exactly get her little friend's comment.  I mean, it's nice and all, to pay her a sweet compliment, but she just jammed it in there out of context.  Unless I'm the amazing lady...but I don't think I am.  It could be that she was implying "DON'T HARRASS CHLOE WITH POKEMON BECAUSE SHE IS AN AMAZING LADY"

Oh...somewhat related PS--
Another faaaaaaaaaaantastic soundboard site is The Rap Board.  For some odd reason, I can never get ALL the rapper head buttons to work. But I do dig what ones I have been able to load.

Grapes

This morning, the main host of the morning show  I tune in to was talking about his habit of stealing grapes from the produce section.  He recently had a specific situation where he popped 2 grapes in his mouth,  then spotted another shopper giving him a disapproving look.  Annoyed by this disapproving look, he ate 3 more grapes (a gesture of "so there!").  The conversation topic then became, "Is that STEALING??"  The show hosts were about evenly divided on this topic, and same with the listeners who called in.  One of the dumbest arguments, that I cannot believe was so popular was "NO! EVERYBODY does that!!" 

OK, well, eating something you're not going to pay for is classified as stealing as per the damn definition of stealing. A crime is not rendered a non-crime on the grounds of it being commonplace. And here's why  the funny little morning show banter reemerged in my head: it occurred to me: cheating on your spouse is becoming like eating grapes in the grocery store. Affairs aren't surprising people anymore. They seem to have morphed into just one of the standard potholes in the marital road, whereas they used to be a big fuckin' deal.  I was sitting at lunch, with my two work besties--W. , who grew up with infidelity in her parents' marriage, and R, whose 2nd marriage broke up due to her ex running off with another woman. So, I knew they would both have some firsthand insight to offer when I was telling them how my sister called me up sobbing because she discovered today my brother-in-law has been having an affair for over a year..
Oh yeah.  I had a whopper of an entry in the "You Learn Something New Everyday" file for 10/25/2012.

I am absolutely surprised and simultaneously thinking I shouldn't be surprised at all. I've known for a long time that Greg is selfish,  that he "phones it in" as a father, that my sister does all the compromising in that relationship.  He has this way of "doing his own thing" which is not necessarily a bad thing, in the right measure, but he does his own thing  by default...and CONSTANTLY.  All these things make for an excellent cheater, don't they??   And yet, I never expected it from him. It's not that I took him to be too morally upright for such things...noooo, never that.  I actually thought him TOO wrapped up in himself to connect with another woman.  I thought him passionless, and not creative enough for intrigue. I thought he was a dull slob and who the hell else would have him?  And I thought he listened and believed it when we'd gossiped of others' infidelities and my sister insisted she'd kill or castrate him if ever he cheated.

As of our last texts of around 8pm,  she had not killed or castrated him. She did confront him, but  he is not owning up to it.   She can't tell him that his sister told her about it (the sister, even though she is DISGUSTED with Greg, does not want to be excommunicated) so she had confronted him with some scrap of circumstantial evidence and he's denying everything. And it's my niece's 8th birthday and they went out for a nice family dinner at The Weathervane.  She texted me that they're make-believing all is OK and she feels sick.  And I replied: I don't know how u r holding back from ripping the oars off the wall & bludgeoning the fucker.

Well, having lunch with her tomorrow. I have no idea what to say to her.  Talking to her on the phone today, I feel like I kept parrotting the same dumb phrases--there was "I can't believe that selfish, thoughtless pig asshole"  and the supremely  unhelpful "Holy Shit, whaddareyougonnaDO?"  But I did leave her a nice voicemail...it was basically "Tell me what I can do to help.  I love you."  I think if I just keep telling her that....

Yet Another Hodge Podge

Whenever I get gravely blogstipated it seems I always crank out a list of some sort.  I guess I'm not inspired enough on any one topic, so if I throw up a few disjointed bulletpoints I think it might suffice.  It's better than nothin' anyway? Si? No?

1. I just "LIKED" Vincent Price on Facebook and was astounded, appalled and surprised that I had not already done so.  I'm am pretty damned conscientious about FB liking things (in regards to art, pop culture, businesses, products etc...)that I like IRL.  I kinda get this little pang of gratification that--I dunno- I suppose comes from some sense of "making it official".   I also think if FBI profilers need to study me one day, I want them to have lots of fodder for study. Lots and lots of paradoxical, confounding fodder.

2. Looking up and liking VPrice  called to mind my "Interchangable Celebs" roster.  Well, they're not ALL interchangable, but I think some sure are.  They're all inextricably linked (sometimes inexplicably linked) in my mind.  Like Vincent Price acts like a trigger that invariably makes me think of Jack Palance (and vice versa...but let the record show that I don't love Palance near as much as I do Price) Here is a  wee sub-list:
1. Rachel Bilson & Mila Kunis
2. Jack Palance & Vincent Price
3. Bill Paxton & Bill Pullman (is this duo not on EVERYONE'S list?)
4. Paul Giamatti & Philip Seymour Hoffman

The list is actually much longer but now that I'm focusing on the list, writing about it, my mind is going blank.  Feck.

3. A few months back, there was a Team Building Meeting (replete with overpaid consultants!) for our managers.  An hour or so after this meeting wrapped, I was walking through the conference room it was held in and I saw that they had some  bullet points still posted up on the wall (have you seen those flip charts that have adhesive backing that render the pages into like giant Post-Its?  That's what they used in this meeting)  I figured that page was headed for the trash, so I proceeded to deface it (of course!)
WELL...imagine my surprise when I went into my boss's office to do her a favor last week, and I found that posted on her wall. I  snapped a few pics with my cell  (ever-so-slyly, mind you.  She was nowhere around, but the office door was wide open) . 

 

So you can't really see where I defaced it in the top pic, but you can see in the bottom one my contribution: "with your spelling". OK, so it's not like I spray-painted my gang tag on there or scribbled penises on there,but it was still done with a spirit of impudence. Snarky impudence.  I realize that those notes were jotted up there during a rapid fire brainstorming orgy, but that's no excuse.  If I'd seen that someone had, apres faux pas, tried to wedge the omitted C in there with one o' those ^ dealies, I woulda for sure let it slide.  But we PAY those jackalopes to intruct our management...so I'm less than thrilled that they are propagating the shoddy spelling skills that are already epidemical with that lot.

 

I wonder if my boss realizes I did that?  Knowing her, she probably didn't even notice it..

 

 

4. Speaking of workplace wall postings,  I have the job of maintaining the office "Kudos Board".  This is a cork board repository for all the good feedback for our staffers (usually stuff reported through email, sometimes cards sent in to us). I had, recently, a TOTALLY BRILL. notion that would cut down on gratuitous praise. I could makeover the "Kudos Board" into a "HaiKUDOS Board" and make it mandatory for all commendations submitted to be in the form of a Haiku poem. Of course, there's a definite conflict of interest issue with me doing my own Haikudo, but just for the sake of y'all having an example---

Scurry, office wench

you clerical gun for hire.

Give that girl a raise!

Hotties Du Jour, Hotties of Yore

 

I don't read Cosmo, but I am glad that the publication keeps a-chug, chug, chuggin' along, for it gives me one of my favorite annual customs.  I quite enjoy hopping on the 'zine's website and poring over the annual BACHELOR OF THE YEAR CANDIDATES. Every year (if I happen to remember--or see somewhere--that it's Cosmo Bachelor voting time) I have an intense, extended ogle,  and the rest of the year I am completely unshallow and judge absolutely everybody on the content of their character.  I swear.

So, get over there & rock the vote...it is absolutely pointless, except perhaps it might get you in a voting mood and get you all sortsa jazzed for voting this November.  I looked at all 50 contenders (all 50 tributes.. ha haa) and was gonna jot down a top 5 but I just could NOT whittle my list down to 5. It's a FIIIINE crop this year.  I had to do a top 10.  And the Top 10 is (in reverse order, to try and percolate a modicum of suspense here) (thumbnails = links--so what a tricky trick I've mastered!!)

#10 North Carolina
 

#9 Oklahoma

#8 Nevada
 

#7 Colorado
 

#6 New Hampshire


 

                                                                                            

                                                                                                             #5 Kansas


 





                       

                      #4 Wisconsin




 




                                                                                         

                                                                                                             #3 Rhode Island

#2 Ohio

 

 

#1 New York



A few notes: Although I read every single interview, I did not take them into consideration at all.  If  I were factoring in interview answers, my #1 might not have even cracked the top 10.  He seems like he has douchebag potential.  ALSO, Ohio was a very, verrry close second.  Like, in a way I'm most smitten with him (and yes, I think it IS the hipster Richie Cunningham styling that gets me) but I tried to judge empirically, and singling out the top physical specimen in an empirical fashion, I'd have to award the honors to NY. He is quite gorg. 

I have not yet voted.  I'm curious to see who'll win.  If it's like....Maine...I'll know the contest is rigged as shit.

 

I've mentioned before (fairly recently, in fact) my habit of checking Wikipedia for historical anniversaries.  A couple of weeks ago --on Sept.13, to be precise--I zeroed in on this in my list of historical happenin's..

 

Maybe the case of Phineas Gage stuck in my head (haahaa...see what I did there?) so resolutely because it was one of my fellow Vermonters making a name for himself. . . albeit not in the most clever of ways. But I do think  Gage was a landmark case.  I know we devoted a whole lecture to him in my college Psych 101 class.  Also, you don't make the opening credits to Ripley's Believe it or Not if your tale is obscure and unimportant.  Yep, that's Gage's pike-punctured skull floating at ya right at the start of the intro.  Actually, that image of his skull was all I'd ever seen of P-Gage.  Consequently, I was ever so surprised to find that when I clicked on the Wiki write up to review the details of the event, it featured *two* photos of the man.   It seems I  had never encountered them before because they are both quite recent finds.  The daguerreotype below was authenticated in 2009

 

 

The other portrait (here) was found in 2010.

 

So yeah, I realize, it's odd for me to find foxy a dude dead for 150+ years now.  But I'll have you know that it's not EXTREMELY ODD...my proof of that being that there are at least 2 Tumblrs devoted to just that topic.  So I had to up the oddity quotient by crushing on the ORIGINAL TBI case, cyclops, with --I'd imagine-- a misshapen skull (his hair does cover it admirably though, no?)

 



All The News That's Fit To Blog. . .

You wouldn't guess it from the frothy tone of this here blog, but I do actually follow the news.  It's a perfunctory &peripheral sort of following, but nonetheless....I am not entirely oblivious to current events.

Thought I'd blather a bit about what news items  have caught my eye this month...

I suppose the most "hard-hitting"& legit of my picks would be Joe Biden on the campaign trail in Ohio.  It was the accompanying AP photo, and notsomuch the article that reeled me in here.

Scope it out--

Now I'm staunchly on the fence, politically speaking.  But I don't find myself appalled that Biden is kind of a wild card..that he's known to say something a little outta left field from time-to-time.  As long as he doesn't say anything MEAN or grammatically flawed or blatantly stupid, then I think it makes him endearingly human.  This faux pas though...not very endearing. HE LOOKS LIKE A CREEPER!! I mean, I suppose if Marge is cool with it, then he's technically not a creeper but...eww. Personal space, man.  Who the hell gets *that* nuzzley with someone they just met?
What really  makes this snapshot primo is the facial expressions of the two biker dudes.  The older guy...just...not impressed. And with young Son of Anarchy (at left)  I can just hear the repulsed "Oh, EWWww." that he is suppressing. Haa.

Incidentally, this was snapped moments before Biden dropped some coinage into the juke, fired up "Tequila", and did an EPIC dance atop the bar.

Does celebrity news count as news? Probably not, I suppose.  Nevertheless, the dreadful union of Ryan Reynolds & Blake Lively hath snagged my attention. I wouldn't say I've been a Blake Lively fan, I've been indifferent to her, if anything.  She had seemed a nice enough girl though.  But how unbelievably RUDE to marry this guy that I called dibs on back in...ohhhh...whenever it was his 1st marriage hit the skids.  Like, if she had consulted me, I may have begrudgingly assented but...not so much as a Facebook wall message from Blake. That just isn't done. Her grasp etiquette of etiquette is direly inadequate!!!
 Bitch.

Actually I do think Ry Ren has made bride upgrade this time around.  Scarlett Johanssen irks the hell outta me for some reason I cannot quite pinpoint. But how cheezy that they wed where 'The Notebook' was filmed?? I'm sure Boone Hall Plantation is uber-gorg. but there's no way (I don't think) that it's coincidental that's also the setting in The Notebook.  And if you MUST opt for a movie locale as a wedding venue, then show some damn igenuity, wouldja?  I mean-- ALL CHICKS LOOOOVVVE 'The Notebook'. Could you be any more trite, Blakey? 
'Kay ..I feel a brief tangent is warranted re: my implicit dis of 'The Notebook'.  Look, I like a romantic movie as much as ANY chica.  The movie is undeniably romantic. But cha know what else  it is??? Fucking depressing!!  I like my schmoop fix without the side of Alzheimers, please.  Something like Last Tango in Paris  is more my cup o' tea...or, uhh, dish o' butter I should say. Ha haa ha...*
Now, I quite like the look of the place where Reynolds had his first wedding: Clayoquot Wilderness Retreat in British Columbia.

So, in summation, bride upgrade, venue downgrade, I have every hope he'll get all  high marks in his third attempt.

Lastly, THIS is in the running to be my *fave* news item of all of 2012. I find it remarkable that he didn't just stuff a loris in his pants, he stashed the critter RIGHT. IN. HIS. GONCH*.  That's ratcheting up the intimacy factor considerably, eh? As soon as I read that, I emailed it out to some chums, my subject header being "Slender's OK, as long as you know how to use your loris"  I mean, I had to go with sophomoric phallus humor, but I felt like "Izzat a Loris In Yer Pants Or RU Just Happy to See Me?" was waaaaaay, way  too obvi.

*I am totally jesting about my go-to romantic movie.  It's NOT 'The Notebook'--or any other Nicholas Sparks dreck, but it sure as hell ain't 'Last Tango' either!!
* I just learned that bit o' slang today.  I get email sales from Fab.com and they peddle whimsical undergear by a company called Ginch Gonch and that name amused me immensely.  I thought--I bet they didn't just arbitrarily string together some goofy sounding syllables--I bet that means something. But what?? I hit up Urban Dictionary and the concensus there seems to be that both "Ginch" & "Gonch" ="underwear"  Funny, funny! And bonus: it sounds like it would mean something way nastier....

Random Screen Shots

I have Urban Dictionary as a bookmarked site on my phone.  It can prove rather handy.  Say you are driving and your favorite Soulja Boy song comes on the radio (Blecch...there's no accounting  for taste, I 'spose)  and you become overwhelmingly perplexed by whatever could Soulja mean by "Superman dat ho" ?  Well, you could use Urban Dictionary to figure that one out.  It's on there.  I DO NOT advise looking it up, but it's on there.

So like I said, the site can come in handy...but I take the info on there with a big grain o' salt.   Like, I've have browsed o'er definitions on there and I really can't imagine real humans having a real-life conversation that is peppered with that jargon.

So Urban Dictionary sez to me: "Look up anything, like your city".  My city? Hey, look,I'm not  really into discovering how my beloved hometown is a  warped euphemism for sharting during sex.  I don't wanna know that!!  That verbage though, in particular, their use of "anything" reads like a CHALLENGE to me.  And actually it is pretty tricky to throw somethin' in that search field that won't surprise you with some  rude and/or filthy secret connotation.  That screen shot there is me trying to stump UD.  Aglet has a rude meaning (supposedly).  Didn't stump it with "spatula " either (ewww). 

However there is no Urban definition of "Pachalafaka".  That was a relief because it would be a damn shame for these UD creeps to sully one of my silly old Muppet Show memories.  That song was on the very first season of the Muppets.  And apparently, the Muppets stole it from Soupy Sales (see below) 


So, yeah,  don't fret...it might be some myseriouso gibberish, but I've looked into it and it's nothing untowards.

In Lieu of an Actual Gift...

Last Thursday was the birthday of my work compadre Paul.  I totally forgot that it was his birthday until late morning, and I only remembered it then because I had smuggled my phone into the bathroom and took a quick hit of Facebook.  I know hundreds of people (a regular socialite,fer sure) but truthfully I only remember about 10 birthdays via my own brainpower.  Sooo yeah, birthday naggin' --that's one Facebook positive (to counteract the countless FB evils).

Anyways, I'd spoken to Paul numerous times by 11am, never once mentioning his b-day, so it was quite clear that I was oblivious to it.  And it's not as if Paul is going to get to make out with Jake Ryan on a table over a giant birthday cake that evening...so I felt bad.

I had happened to read that a.m. , the Wikipedia write up of Sept 6th.  It's this  NERDY workday custom of mine...I read the list of historical anniversaries du jour & famous birthdays. Yeah, yeah, yeah, scoff all you wanna now, but perhaps someday I'll be in a hostage situation, and I'll just up and blurt out, "You can't shoot me today!! Today marks the 30th anniversary of Wayland Flowers & Madame's debut on Solid Gold!!"  And --oh yes--I WILL be spared.   Who would ever snuff out such a font of quirk and knowledge?

But back to Paul's birthday.. . .due to my wiki habit, I happened to know that Paul shared a birthday with Max Schreck , the creepy mysterious German actor who played the titular role in Noseferatu (1922)  You'd have to know Paul to understand what wondrous serrendipity this is.  There is no better patron celebrity for this guy.  And Paul was also pleased to learn this. He posted it on his Facebook wall.  But he neglected--tragically-- to post the MS Paint masterpiece I made for him (on work time, please note,  so it wasn't just a gift of my artistry, but it was also a sacrifice of my professional integrity as a cubicle-bound minion drone).

I used the original (and intensely creepy) Nosferatu publicity still from Schreck's Wiki bio--

 

And I added some b-day flair....

 

Downright lovable, no??

Bluppets

I saw these in Kmart the other day. I was trekking on up to the checkouts and had actually passed them by but the sight of 'em actually made me throw it into reverse 3 paces and pull a classic double take. WHAAAA? ?  

I mean, it's not just cynical / warped me is it?  I think it is empirical fact: The Cuddleuppets look STONED OUTTA THEIR EVER-LOVIN' GOURDS.

I  just can't fabricate a witty caption for this.  'Cuz I know exactly what is being said here...I just know it.  The dialogue--

PINK POODLE: Duuuuuude...
BROWN BEAR: I KNOW! Dude. Totally.


They can't possibly be having any other conversation.

By the way, I would like the alligator one.  Possibly the blue elephant, if Gator is n/a  I also think, if I could acquire one on the cheapie cheap, it would be a hoot to present one as a gift to my canine-nephew, Bo. 
Well, not just any Cuddleuppet (I'll grant, that is  a clever name..but there's just something about "Bluppet" I like more)  I would give Bo the yellow doggy the yellow doggy Cuddleuppet.  Bo, snuggling a stoned caricature of himself (or gnawing its head off)....I'd find that rather amusing.  Not 20 bucks worth of amusing though!!

Separated at birth?????

Wasted Ink

Today after waiting for a looooong, long time for my Help Desk ticket to be answered, I got word from IT that they finagled another license for Adobe Pro and they could install it on my computer that afternoon. HUZZAAAH!!

They were to commence installation at 3:30--planned to coincide with an out-of-the-office errand I had to run.  So prior to dashing out, I made this (below) and taped it to my monitor--



Only to find it there when I got back... and installation just wrapping up. He had done the whole thing remotely from the IT lair.  I dunno why I forgot that they did that.

And the thing is...I don't even particularly like Jason. He is my least favorite of 3 IT guys (none of whom I particularly like).  But work flow was kind of at an ebb and I just got a colorful set of glitter gel pens I was jonesin' to wield.   It would have been fine to just leave a cute note on my desk even if he is  unworthy.  NO WAY in Hades was I going to make an extra effort to deliver this unto him.  So into the garbage it went.  But first, on a whim, I decided to scan it to myself....I could crop out the "Jason" and would surely have many opportunities to make use of the "Thanx" 

I bestow unto y'all the original, uncropped scribble.  I apologize that the scan doesn't convey the majestic glitteriness.  Hey, at last check, I had 19 followers to this blog.  What're the odds that one of 'em is named Jason?  Well, shit, I haven't a clue (I have NO aptitude for mathin' whatsoev)  So hey f you're a non-Jason,I've given you a nice statistics prob to play with there. You're welcome.
And if your name is Jason, THANX for reading my blog, Jason. 

Sounds, Sights, Gustatory Delights..etc..

I spotted that the public library I frequent had Season 1 of True Blood available to check out. I had been intrigued by that show but sadly lacking in the premium cable channels. HBO has had a quite a recent history of unattainable programming that I covet : Rome , Deadwood, Flight of the Concords (happy epilogue:I did wind up getting both seasons of FotC. *Terrific* stuff) True Blood, Eastbound& Down, Boardwalk Empire. OK, well I call it “unattainable”when I really mean not freely attainable. Uggh..y’know, entertainment pickin’s be getting pretty slim for cheapskates like me. Soon all I will have to watch will be town meetings on public access.

But anyway, I took out all 5 discs of Season 1, and was stoked to delve into the series from its beginning. Anyone who knows me knows I like to take in things ab ovo.

I TORE through those discs and then I was like—DAAAAAMMIT—my library only has that one season!! I pondered initiating my very first interlibrary loan transaction but opted not to. My burgeoning True Blood addiction demanded more instant gratification. Said addiction was so powerful that it trumped my pennypinchery and I went to a movie rental place and started renting subsequent seasons. You read right—a movie rental place not an online streaming site or a Red Box kiosk. How surprisingly old timey, eh? This place opened up back in April and I went in shortly thereafter out of curiosity. I almost felt like I was on an archaeological expedition of sorts. They had some special going, so I signed up for a membership card& rented 3 DVDs at that time, but after returning those 3, I hadn’t been back there. Until now, that is. While I did have to expend some moolah, it was a fairly shrewd way to go. I looked at True Blood on iTunes and it was quite pricey. Seems to me that all their TV /movie offerings are. This shop, MGM (not named for the studio, actually. Stands for “Movies-Games-Music”) has specials everyday, has a *ton* of TV shows in stock (including seasons 1-4 of True Blood) and all the rentals you get for 5days.

Ok, I didn’t plan to spin such a tangent there, but I think I was trying to point out that it can pay to be a bit anachronistic sometimes.

I’m 2 episodes into Season 4 now, and have come to suspect that, while I rather LOVE the show, my addiction is actually an Alexander Skarsgard addiction. Oh. My. Homina, homina, homina. WORD... he is the ULTIMATE. I always imagined that if I met a celeb IRL, (I have, actually, but ‘twas long ago and underwhelming. Full list of celebrity encounters available upon request ) my sangfroid would be unwavering and they would be quite charmed by my uncommon poise. But I tell ya, if I saw Alexander Skarsgard buying socks at Kohl's, fuck sangfroid, I would drop to one knee and propose marriage before introductions. Hey, it could happen. Kohl's is the #1 clothing retailer in the nation. (No b.s., that. I think I picked that up from some Forbes.com slideshow)

So that’s about all I’m watching right now. As a longtime Project Runway devotee, I did commence ta watchin’ the Season 10 premiere last Thursday, but I fell asleep 1/3 of the way through.

Seen a coupla movies . . .

"Brave" made me a little weepy (if you saw it, you can probably guess the part that got my eyes leakin’). I rented "The Artist", at long last, and enjoyed it lots. Even though I appreciated the li’l experiment of doing a silent movie in the modern age, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to, y’know, get into it. But Dujardin really reels you in. He deserved that Oscar. I did discover that when watching a silent movie I’m uncontrollably compelled to provide dialogue from time to time. Just at moments where I think it’s really warranted.

Thanks to my coworker Paul, I have knocked one song off my impossible wish list of tune-age (these are songs I want that are nowhere to be found on iTunes nor are they downloadable from  Amazon...necessitating a bothersome CD purchase) He had this CD that had the Sublime cover of the Hong Kong Phooey theme song that I'd been raving about.  He brought it into work and I imported the whole album into my iTunes library.  It's--overall--pretty dope. Ramones doing the Spiderman theme and Sponge's take on "Go Speed Racer Go"  are both stand-outs.

I'm still desperate to get this loco cover by the Cramps--

And of course, for a long time now, the top 20 or so spots on my Impossible Tune-age list are taken up by AC/DC songs.  I effing adore AC/DC, but I am still peeved as hell at their iTunes resistance.  Plus they throw in an added degree of difficulty by not having any sort of Greatest Hits compilation CD. So there's approx 20 of their songs I want, but they're all dispersed amongst different albums.  I think I read that the band's feeling is that they want their fans to experience an album in its entirety, and not just pick & choose scraps of it.  I think that mindset is not uncommon among artists, but geeeeeeez. Can they not empathize with the average music consumer and see how fucking annoying  that is?

Not long ago, my friend Paula posted on her FB wall "Going on an iTunes spree. Suggestions?"  I made with the suggestions ASAP since, as you've surely surmised I don't need much cajoling to get me to dictate to people what their tastes should be. Yeah, I realize it's a bit obnoxious, but it can't be helped.  There are just a chosen few of us that are cosmically preordained to be THE Arbiters of Fine Taste. Myself, GOOP-y Gwyneth Paltrow, Fred Savage, a handful of others that wish to remain nameless...it's our calling.

So my suggestions--

Hunhh..shit..I just realized, whilest screen cappin' that, that I had a duplicate in there (8 ,10)  Ok, so I will give you a new #8 of "Lights Out, Words Gone" by Bombay Bicycle Club.  That's a lovely, lovely song.

I'm just about outta steam, but I did imply "gustatory delights" would be provided, didn't I?  Recently I tried out BK's Southwestern Breakfast Burrito and I liked it a lot.  I kinda prefer the picante sauce that McDonalds doles out with their b-fast burritos, but otherwise the BK one is superior.  They throw a hash brown over the top of the fillings and that adds this nice mystery-crispy factor.  Oh, except I just obliterated all the mystery for you. My bad.  It's bigger and more caloric and probably fattier than the McD equivalent,  but what's the point of having a wee skimpy breakfast burrito that is so unfullfilling that you wind up eating quadruple the lunch? I try to eat inverted triangle style-- a bigger breakfast, scale down your lunch some, and then do a small dinner.   Oh, and pathetically, I am in a position  these days to offhandedly know that the BK burrito is only 4 Weight Watchers Points more than the McDonalds one.  (So far, everything's going in the right direction, lbs-wise (though ever so gradually) but I was thinking about how if an investigator were to "profile " me now, utilizing my Bing search history, he/she would conclude that I am incredibly, unbearably,banal. "Carbohydrates in Orangina" "What is the points value of a Twizzler?"  Oy vey...)

Hmm..I feel like I've disappointed in the "gustatory delights" initiative.  It's just that it's too highbrow a term for BK fare. Perhaps it escaped your notice but IT RHYMED, ok? Cut me some freeeakin' slack!!

Here's a visual reiteration of an earlier point...

I should've embedded a video, but it was tough enough deciding on 1 pic. But, truly, a video would've been better. You need to behold his movement & mannerisms to get the Optimum MMmm--MMmm- MMM!

Punchy Friday & Office Pet Peeves

Before I commence to grousin' about work, let me start off with a dash of positivity.  The best thing about my job (aside from the $$)  is my gaggle of work pals and the oddball banter that can erupt between us.  Now, on Mondays I am no good for banter...I pretty much have the disposition of a wet cat and it's advisable to just leave me be. But there is some good banter to be had Tues-Friday and I definitely  peak on Friday...when I am feeling the "punchiest"

Lemme make with some examples and I do so hope it will provide somewhat of a voyeuristic thrill...

 Bookish banter with Paul...he was stunned by overhearing these 2 coworkers chat about the 50 Shades of Grey series and one of these ladies remarking that these were the first books she's read since high school...

from a week or so ago...

Ok , ok, ok chortles aside...onto the rants.  Here are some of the things that most irk me about life on the cubicle farm...

Mass lunch orders-- I admit, this is a weird thing to be annoyed by.  So the scenario is this-- I get an idea of where to go for lunch (I am struck with "LUNCHSPIRATION", as I call it...yes I really do call it that)  and I mention to my good pal Rox "I wanna order Cantore's to deliver. You in?"  Invariably, Rox proclaims loudmouthedly "WE'RE ORDERING LUNCH FROM CANTORE'S!" The immediate result is about 20 "Oh me too!"s.  The time I intended for my break  is swiftly  approaching, but I've not ordered yet, because Pam & Joanne are looking over the menu, and oh-- maybe Shawna wants to order too.  And, natch, there's a dozen quirks & codicils to Pam's order and Shawna's totally MIA. Then, when everybody's made up their minds, somehow, I wind up with all the cash, doing the ordering.  Someone's order gets fucked up, someone else thinks I tipped excessively...BAAH. Lunch is NOT supposed to be so high-pressure.  I've trained myself now...I will actually email to Rox "I'm getting Cantore's for lunch.  You can order too, but KEEP YOUR DAMN MOUTH SHUT ABOUT IT"

This is even more crotchety of me-- I hate passing around cards for people.  It's not that I don't wanna impart get well wishes or happy birthdays.  I just hate how the circulation of the card devolves into a disorganized clusterfuck.  What they ought to do is..if there is a Happy Birthday card for Joanne, send out an "Email All" email, then open up the distribution list and delete Joanne's email address from it, then broadcast "There is a birthday card for Joanne at so-n-so's desk.  Stop by between now and 3pm on Friday to sign.  We will be giving her the card at 3pm Friday when we have cake in the lunchroom." But that is not how it's done in my office.  They oh-so-cleverly put the card in a manila folder and someone signs it...gives it to another person to sign...and it gets shuttled around the office thusly.  Oh sure, that sounds simple enough, but it always gets to a point when, the card is getting pretty loaded up with signatures and it takes a bit of figuring to see who has & hasn't signed it (to determine whom you should pass it along to) And often you wind up with someone wandering down the aisle , a daft cow, saying "Did you sign this? Did YOU sign this? Card for Joanne--who needs to sign it?"  So me, I get the card and I just take a moment and  figure this out by reading.  Often, I get these cards to sign before Paul will (probl'y 'cause many in the office are put off by Paul). So I would sign, check & verify that there is no Paul scrawl and carry it next door to his desk to him.  He always would sign it and then just immediately bring it right back to me. GRRRRR-- did that burn my toaster strudel!!  I put that in the past tense, because this pattern has ceased.....well, I just don't give him anything to sign anymore.

I also get annoyed by the lack of resourcefulness in my office.  I get the sense that there are just three, maybe four of us who get how to look up information on the internet. It is way more commonplace for somebody to just bellow "WHAT'S THE PHONE NUMBER FOR THE RANDOLPH SENIOR CENTER??"  Are you for real that unevolved? Seriously????

And lastly, but not at all leastly, I am probably getting an ulcer from all the piss-poor spelling & grammar in my coworkers' emails. It aggravates me THAT much.  Proofreading is a dying art form. It really is sickening.  I am even more appalled when I see such sloppiness in management emails.  Dammit, I expect a modicum of education and literacy apparent in folks that make 4X what I do.  Oh, and all of the emails from our intake department are IN ALL CAPS. ALL THE FECKING TIME.  Sometimes a rookie to the agency will question why that is and the explanation often  given is something to the effect of " Oh, well, it was decided , for consistency's sake, that all the case notes they input in the system, would be in all caps".  Now that is the popular wisdom, but I  never give that answer.  That is a BULLSHIT explanation!! Unacceptable!! If you can't figure out how to disengage your caps lock or if you find disengaging and re-locking too labor intensive well...you are seriously fucking impaired in my estimation.