Question: Is "Would that it were so" a viable sentence? It sort of meshed rhetorically, and it sounded right, but I'm having second thoughts now...

So totally new topic... I usually listen to my iPod at lunch. I'm not fully antisocial, but I find the bulk of lunchtime discourse to be petty and bothersome and I use my iPod as a means of deterring that. But today my iPod battery was dead, so I had to do lunch unarmed. Luckily, Barb (the only other person having lunch at the same time) seemed really into her book and didn't seem inclined to talk. But Holy Fucking GRRRrr does she chew LOUD!! Not only loud, but constantly. That's how you take 45 friggin' minutes to motor through a bagel-- you do 900 mandible reps per bite!! It was driving me bonkers!

I don't recall being hyper-irritable at any other point during the day. So, in that case, it was NOT a "just me" deal. She must have factually and empirically been doing a ridiculous job of eating her bagel.