a new low in triviality

Today Eileen was singing the praises of the "ideal clamp" and how indispensible they are and how very dearly she loves 'em and I was heartily in disagreement with her vis a vis their worth. First off, let's have a look at this so-called "ideal clamp"-

I call them "ideal clamps" only because that's what Office Max has dubbed them online and on their packaging. Really, I take issue with the name. I actually think they're far from "ideal" but that aspect of the issue is subjective. Why wouldn't they be called "clips", though? Empirically, they are clearly more clip than clamp. You see what I mean??

I really don't see how the ideal clamp is an improvement over the tried& true original --the traditional paper clip.

I feel (quite strongly) that the BINDER CLIP is paper fastening technology par excellence. In the interests of succinctness, I proffer an analogy to prove my point...

The binder clip is to paper fastening doohickies as Glad Press 'n' Seal Wrap is to food-preserving plastic wrap.

In other news of nanomicroscopic pettiness, I was researching business card paper online. There was this Geographics brand business card cardstock that Office Max sells that's about $4 cheaper than the Avery 5371 that we've been buying. But , OF COURSE, there's no way to tell on the lame-o Office Max website whether or not this cardstock is a working substitute for the Avery 5371. It appears to be but...dammit, all they have to put on there is "Equivalent to Avery 5371" and I would be certain. But NO, I have to do extra research and go to that paper company's website and then when I get there I am distracted from my mission entirely. Emblazoned across this company's homepage is a banner ad for St Patty's Day stationary. This ad proclaims, "Your in luck!!" Now if y'all know me, you know this rather pissed me off. If I worked for that paper company, I would be EMBARRASSED. So I click the "Contact Us" link and politely (albeit a bit haughtily) informed them of the faux pas. I got this almost immediately--

Dear Sandra,
Thank you for alerting us. I have notified the programmer, who won't be in until tomorrow morning.
Sincerely,
Jim Jimmypants (*not his real name)

And then I get an email that's all "Ticket # somethinerother has been generated to correct your issue" and "please follow up with reference # somethinerother" all very involved and technical and really I was only a smidge irked and I don't truly, deeply give a rat's arse about it.

Also, I completely forgot to get the specs on the business card cardstock... Phooey.