I was in Holyoke at the megamall today and spent too damn much money. I am well aware of how predisposed I am to excess spending right after payday...I shoulda taken that in to consideration and stayed faaaaaar away from the mall--from ANY mall.

Well here's one thing I refrained from buying although I was severely tempted-

Spotted that in Target, This picture really doesn't convey well how very NEON YELLOW the tee is. That's really what helped me to abstain--not the fact that it woulda been a totally frivolous & needless expenditure, but that I wasn't sure I could get away with donning that color. I probably can't. But chances are still good that I will snatch this up on my next Target expedition.

It's reDONKulous how much this cracked my ass up!!

my Idol!!

White Wedding: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

The guy that did that has 3 other "literal videos" that also cracked me up. But I had to post this one because...I heart Billy Idol. But I heartily recommend going to their website and watching 'em all.

Speaking of 80s classics...I was driving tonight and my iPod served up Corey Hart's "Sunglasses at Night". As it happens, I keep a shades stash in my car...and there they were, within arm's reach, 3 of my fave pairs. I couldn't help myself. I put on the very rad silver aviators (had been looking for aviators forevah and finally found and bought the perfect ones at TJ Maxx 2 weekends ago). It was kind of hard to see, but to pay suitable homage, I kept 'em on for the duration of the song.

Lent is off to an iffy start...

So I'm no good at Lent, apparently. I decided on Wednesday that for Lent I would give up chips, chocolate & cheese and only drink soda on the weekends. I don't know why Lent resolutions so often wind up being dietary in some way. I guess the Vatican puts us in mind of dietary restrictions with the whole "no meat on Fridays" deal and then we get lazy creatively and just expound on that. I thought that it would be hard for me to ditch soda entirely, considering how much I drink so I thought it would be a significant enough reduction if I just confined it to the weekends. I don't know why I thought soda deprivation would be so trying...sure, I love me some soda, but there are many, many, many other tasty beverages. But the other 2--oy!-- have been a challenge. I say, the other two because I've never been a big chips fiend. Oh, I like 'em alright, but going without 'em has been (and will continue to be) a cinch. I think I just added chips to the list for the alliterative effect. But every now and again, I get a massive hankerin' for chocolate. And the hardest of all to bear will be cheese deprivation. I mean, did I not , just recently in this very forum, proclaim: CHEESE IS MAGIC? I did, and I wasn't being hyperbolic in saying so. I really mean it. I've been pretty good, but my id keeps thwarting me in subtle, under-the-radar ways.

For instance: Thursday night I hit up Dunkin Donuts and got an everything bagel toasted w/ plain cream cheese. Honestly, I was half way through the damn bagel before it dawned on me: cream cheese is cheese!! Is it retarded that I didn't pick up on that immediately? I guess I just wasn't thinking cream cheese when I conceived of the cheese ban. Obviously. Then today I almost slipped up again. Larry offered to buy me lunch and after the obligatory feigned refusal, I took him up on it. And I thought-- hey, Friday+Lent=primo opportunity to try the new Fish Sammich at Wendys. So I tell Larry I want the Fish Sami meal at Wendy's and he asks me "And do you want a Frosty?" Now, if you are asked "Do you want a Frosty?" and you don't reflexively say "YES PLEASE!" then well, you may be a robot. That actually was in the "Are You A Replicant? " Quiz that Decker administers in Blade Runner-- I think you have to have the Director's Cut to see that bit or Director's Cut Redux, I can't remember. So I send Larry out for Fish sammi, fries & Frosty and it's only when he's gone that I belatedly remember "Oh shit damn fuck--Frosties are LIQUID CHOCOLATE" (Yeah, yeah, I realize there are vanilla Frosties, but those are bastard Frosties and nobody likes 'em. It was assumed--and rightfully so--that I wanted the original variety) But I reason that, at this juncture, I've passed the point of no return . I mean, this is a gift Frosty, I would be an ingrate if I didn't consume it. Well...ultimately, I didn't consume it... but that was by accident really. I always have the Frosty as dessert--never as the meal-accompanying beverage (that's just WEIRD) So, I had good ol' H2O with my lunch and stuck the Frosty in the freezer for later. But my afternoon got wicked busy and I forgot all about it. That is, until I was in traffic on my way home. I called the office and got Melissa, who was working late and I told her to please enjoy my Frosty. So then I was sorta relieved,thinkin' "Ahh, dodged that bullet. Now I won't have that on my conscience, wreckin' my weekend" And then a mere 5 minutes later I sabotaged myself again. Cheese, this time. I'm in Walgreens and I want a salty type snack to go with my first soda of the weekend. I'm staring at rows and rows of chips and I say "Uh-uh..NO CHIPS" So I go for popcorn. But I want a Smartfood kinda popcorn. Ok, yeah, DURRR, it seems I also wasn't taking into consideration powdered cheese when I swore off the stuff. And I'm so preoccupied with how I avoided chips that that sneakyass cheese dust flew right under the radar. To my credit, I stopped chowing on 'em as soon as I caught myself.

But then...once I got to my parents' house I transgressed AGAIN. But worse, because this time I didn't slip up...I calculatedly & deliberately caved to temptation. They'd ordered PIZZA. Pizza is so phenomenally rad to begin with, but on a Friday?? There's some sort of incomprehensible magic that renders pizza even more delicious on Fridays. I don't know how it works--hence my use of the word "incomprehensible"--but I am certain of its existance.

So after 2 pieces of cheese 'za I was seized with this "F*ck it-- go big or go home" impulse and I polished off a piece of fudge. Ohhh, am I weak willed. But back on track tomorrow, folks!! I may falter, but I shan't give up!!


Oh, by the way, the Wendy's fish sammie is EXCELLENT. The commercial sez you take one bite and you can just *tell* it's from the North Pacific waters...ehh..I guess my palette isn't so geographically astute. I just thought it was waay better than a Fish Filet from McDonalds. Oh, and on this topic , if you take to heart only *one* piece of my oft-proffered advice in all your life, let it be this: NEVER ORDER THE FISHAMAJIG AT FRIENDLY'S!!
Them's nasty.

Another product I tested today: The Smooth Away Hair Removal System. The official Smooth Away site (Oh, and I'd advise muting your computer before hitting that site) proclaims it's "Not Available in Stores". Wazzaaaap, you lying bastards? I procured mine at my local Walgreens!! Walgreen's is the shit for tracking down your favorite As-Seen-on-TV merch, although it did let me down one time (on my Shawow! hunt) but usually they carry it all--those yucky-ass Kinoki foot patches, all the Billy Mays crap, etc.

Smooth Away is the cat's jammies, man. I did my toes, and my legs, and my upper lip. It worked like a charm (pardon the cliche)!! Although the directions explicitly state "Best used on hair that is less than 1/4" long" it still got my legs silky smoothy. Ok, I certainly didn't get a ruler up against my leg hair but... sorry to be grody... I've not picked up a razor since fall, so just one glance at my Sasquatch-lookin' legs and I can safely assume..well...anyways... good product. Although, I think I'll withhold my full & final verdict until I see how long the hairlessness lasts...

So after Ash Wednesday mass and an hour of babysitting my niecies, I vegged out in front of the telly (nothing too unusual there, I know)

I watched about ½ of VH1’s “Black to the Future” 80s edition. I must say, I was peeved that everyone (unanimously) was so disparaging of Eddie Murphy’s “Party all the Time”. Maybe that overall album is a joke (I haven’t heard the whole thing) but that single rules!! I love that song, dude!! ‘Salright... I’m used to the universe disagreeing with me in matters of taste. I’m also very fond of “I’m too Sexy” by Right Said Fred.
This inspires an impromptu poll—
(Fill in the blank) If loving _______________ is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right!

Honest answers please, this is not a Mad Libs.

Speaking of guilty pleasures, I also tuned in to the 2nd eppy of High School Reunion. I hope this show flourishes and becomes like a giant in the field of reality TV , so that it's renewed for another season, more seasons, umpteen seasons, ad infinitum (a la Survivor) so that in 2015 my class just might be able have a televised 20th reunion in Hawaii. I wonder what they would call me in the opening credits?? Hmmm..“The Smartass” maybe… I did get “wittiest” in the senior year yearbook superlatives …but of course, by “wittiest” they meant smartassiest. I would hafta drop some lbs, I’m sure—it seems a prerequisite for ladies on that show to be game for beau coup cavorting in bikinis. Of course, the men alums can be fat as rhinos.

Anyways, big drama arrived at the compound with the arrival of Dennis (the menace—ha ha). Manny came with him, but he proved to be harmlessly mischevious and not a drunken terror like his cohort. Dennis, I regret to say, was pretty hot in high school. ‘Tis more the shame that he grew up into a total d-bag. Although, the rest of the alumni handled him all wrong. When faced with a drunken ass 9 times outta 10 your best course of action is--- DO NOT ENGAGE. Oh, and there was another arrival, Lynette. She was fairly unexceptional, and therefore totally overshadowed by fellow new arrivals Dennis & Manny. So I will say this for her (some small recompense): she has rather nice hair.


I'm still undecided about Jessica. Well, I'm totally certain that she is a vapid airhead. But I've yet to ascertain if she is good or evil. She was pretty noble in her conversation with Kara, and then looked as if she was going to take the noble route vis a vis Scott & Marciela, but then near the end of the episode she was all "she (Marciela) is going to have some fierce competition!!" RRrrar. Oh also-- she's on crush #2 in as many days. That's annoying.

About Scott & Marciela-- I woulda judged that match-up a failure... if it weren't for them always talking about how terrificly they're "clicking", and how nice it is that they're making such a swell connection, and what awesome vibes they're feeling. I dunno, maybe I'm a romantic, but I'm suspicious that there's actual awesome chemistry betwixt a duo that natters on constantly about their awesome chemistry. But maybe... I dunno. I do like Scott W though. Although I gotta say...there are too many frickin' SCOTTS in this group. They need to start utilizing nicknames.

I was predisposed to like Liz. I was thinking she was like this season's Cheryl. Cheryl was my absolute fave from season 1-- even though she was kind of on the periphery and didn't get embroiled in any big DRAMA. Probably that's why I liked her. I still like Liz, I suppose, but she's beginning to grate on my nerves with her all consuming Jenny-hatin'. Jenny totally seems like she deserves it, and I'm sure she inspires it, but is she worth it? I don't think so . It makes Liz into a rather pathetic character, either eye-rolling or sulking all the time. I would like her to either :a)confront Jenny and purge all that resentment out of her system OR b) cowboy the f*** up.

I wonder what this huge shocker secret is that they keep hyping. I believe they actually used the phrase "HUGE MIND-BLOWING SECRET" verbatim. It never winds up being all that shocking when it's made into such a big fat deal in the promos. When you hear "huge mind-blowing secret" at the outset, you dream up the biggest and most sensational secrets possible--
Tyrone was abducted by aliens about 7 years ago and the "Tyrone" attending this 20 yr reunion is an E.T.-crafted Tyrone clone.
ORRrrr...
Liz shot Biggie Smalls!!

And so, with such hypotheses pinging about your noggin, the actual secret is bound to disappoint. The previews for next week's show mention that "Scott W.’s hall pass choice shocks the class!!" Maybe Scott W. is gay. Wouldn't that piss off half the reunion crew??

So, I’m rather miffed that I missed the start of the Oscars last night. I got caught up watching the Confessions of a Teen Idol finale on VH1 and I forgot to switch channels in time. I don’t think I missed *too* much (tuned in just as the Best Supporting Actress award was being presented) but y’all KNOW how fanatical I am about catching stuff from the very beginning. (or you should know, anyhow.. feeling compelled to channel the Simply Red dude here: if yooou don’t know me baaah nowwww…you will never, never, never know me.Ooooo…) Also I was curious to see what kind of hosting job Hugh would do, and probably his opening was the best opportunity to gauge that. I watched the bulke of the ceremony & barely saw him at all, really. There was that song & dance # with Beyonce and assorted others but that I found kind of…mehh..underwhelming. Or, perhaps you had to take in the audio *and* the visual in order to properly appreciate …and if so, my assessment is not to be trusted as at this point I was playing Tetris on my iPod and gave like maybe 0.5 of an upward glance. So sorry. And that usually IS my sort of thing, too!! REALLY..you should see the fatty “musicals” section of my DVD library.

Well, I made the mistake of reading Kara’s blog earlier today, thus leaving me with the sensation that the thorough recap has been done (and done better) So I shall not endeavor to be thorough. Instead I shall list some various Oscar observations I had (w/ bulletpoints, which tend to influence me to be—not succinct exactly—just more succinct than I am naturally apt to be)

*Gorgeous set design.

*I like this new method of presenting the big acting awards (group presentation by a team of past winners).

*Love Natalie Portman’s pink dress SO much and she looked so terrific that my eye was actually drawn to her first and it took me a moment or 2 to notice that Ben Stiller was spoofing Joaquin Phoenix. I thought that was funny…but also a bit sad. I believe Joaquin was a 2time Oscar nominee (Gladiator & Walk the Line) and in addition, he was always a fairly attractive guy in a notraditional sorta way. Now he’s traditionally skeezy looking and displaying blatant WTF?? behavior and the perplexing thing is, I can’t seem to chalk this up to being drug related (which would still rather sad, but it would kinda make sense of it all) Well Ben Stiller’s parody did make me guffaw. But the real Joaquin?? A mélange of weird and SAD.


*I’m going to have to see Slumdog Millionaire I guess. It must be pretty phenomenal. Did it lose any category it was nominated in?? Still I was a slightly better informed viewer than I have been in recent years. During the last coupla Oscar ceremonies I’ve tuned into I recall marveling to myself—“Gosh, I haven’t seen ANY of these movies” This year, it was only “Geez, I’ve only seen 2 of these movies” (that would be Tropic Thunder & The Changeling)


*Kate Winslet’s dad is an EXCELLENT whistler

*Funniest non-famous person acceptance speech was the Asian guy who accepted for Best Animated Short. “Domo Aragato, Mr Roboto” ? Really? Sure, I laughed, but shouldn’t HE have been sort of insulted by his own joke??

*The beginning of Sean Penn’s speech was promising..amusing (before he got preachy, that is. UGH)…but I very early on got the sensation that he was going to leave his wife out. And despite my telepathically beaming him a mantra of “Thankyourwife thankyourwife DON’T FORGETto thank yourwife…” he did, ultimately, forget his wife. That cad. It’s no wonder their on, off, on-again marriage is so shaky… Hmm..I recall the last person to infamously omit a spousal thank-you in their Oscar speech was Hillary “horseteeth” Swank and we saw how that played out, eh??

*Is Seymour Phillip Hoffman (as Alan Arkin calls him) in a high school garage band or something?? That’s what he looked like with that redonkulous knit cap on. Don’t get me wrong—fanatical devotion to your garage band would not excuse such a heinous fashion offense. The only marginally acceptable excuse is if he had some sort of head wound he needed to keep protected/ sheltered.

*No jokes at Christian Bale’s expense? Maybe they did one in the monologue and I missed it. I mean, aren’t those de rigueur nowadays? I admit, I kinda enjoy all the Bale mockery, ‘cause I’m somewhat peeved at him. I’ve always been a big fan, so I feel as if he’s let me down personally, by being such a psycho ASS. I guess a Bale joke would’ve been too edgy for the Oscars?? Also, it occurs to me that Bale and our host are personally acquainted (they did The Prestige together) and maybe Jackman vetoed such content (on account of being friends with Bale….or being SCARED o’ him!!)

this TV memory popped into my mind today..

I'm not fully informed about the entire Sam Waterston oeuvre, but I feel pretty confident that this is the greatest thing he's ever done---



And howsa 'bout another video ('cause I'm in the mood to post but have nothing to say) Here's something else I rather dig--




Makes me SO PROUD to be 50% French (Canadian)

Question: Is "Would that it were so" a viable sentence? It sort of meshed rhetorically, and it sounded right, but I'm having second thoughts now...

So totally new topic... I usually listen to my iPod at lunch. I'm not fully antisocial, but I find the bulk of lunchtime discourse to be petty and bothersome and I use my iPod as a means of deterring that. But today my iPod battery was dead, so I had to do lunch unarmed. Luckily, Barb (the only other person having lunch at the same time) seemed really into her book and didn't seem inclined to talk. But Holy Fucking GRRRrr does she chew LOUD!! Not only loud, but constantly. That's how you take 45 friggin' minutes to motor through a bagel-- you do 900 mandible reps per bite!! It was driving me bonkers!

I don't recall being hyper-irritable at any other point during the day. So, in that case, it was NOT a "just me" deal. She must have factually and empirically been doing a ridiculous job of eating her bagel.

Cheese= magic

When I flipped on the telly last night, I caught (on the Travel Channel, I believe it was) the tail end of a program about cheese. I was very disappointed with my inability to catch the program in its entirety as I am a big fan of the subject matter. One interesting thing I did learn was that scientists (FOOD SCIENTISTS) are working on ways to make cheese healthier (oh frabjous day!!). For instance, by altering the dairy cows' diet, they may be able to increase the levels of the "good fat" in the already fatty fatty fat cheese. Also, they are going to pimp out the cheese with that macrobiotic goodness that they enhance lotsa the yogurt with nowadays. Is "macrobiotic" the term I'm diggin' for here?? Hmmm...not sure. You get the gist anyhow.
They closed the program with several cheese experts discussing their feelings about cheese. One of these guys said "Cheese is MAGIC"--well, actually I'm condensing & paraphrasing his comments quite a bit....but that was essentially his viewpoint on the topic. . .and I SO agree with him!

I continued on with more food themed programming and tuned into this Food Network challenge where these cake artisans competed to bake the b-day cake for Miley Cyrus's Sweet 16 bash. OOOooh, mucho prestigio, no?? Not sure that artisans is precisely what they are-- perhaps artistes would be more accurate?? Well, whatever the preferred nomenclature, they are pros at making very HUGE , very ornate cakes. Fondant virtuosos. (I've never had fondant. Et vous?? I hear it's yucky...)
I've watched Food Network's cake challenges a few times before, and I'm always vexed by this one segment of the show, after the clock runs out and the cakes are complete, where they make this big deal ceremony out of transporting the finished product from the kitchens to the display table. Aside from being somewhat excruciating to watch, it irks me with its air of contrived suspense. I always think about how much niftier it would be to assemble the cake on a work table with locking casters-- locked during assembly, then unlock and wheel the cake forth for judging. Ahh well. I suppose it's important for these folks to show that they can craft relatively semi-portable creations. Still..it irks me nonetheless.

Oh, by the way, my fave cake won the challenge. There was this other team that had a promising cake--their biggest tier was covered with this terribly impressive hand-piped scrollwork. But then they unveiled their pièce de résistance and it was really atrocious. It was this sculpture-cum-cakestand that was supposed to look like the birthday girl but it was such a monstrosity it singlehandedly ruined their shot.

Later I tuned into TV Land's High School Reunion. I've been besieged by promos for it, which I succumbed to because I genuinely enjoyed the last season of HSR that TV Land put out. Seems like that was a while ago.. Did y'all watch that "cycle"?? It had the easygoing bi chick and Matt, the weepy jock-widower?? Well, I didn't think the current season's crop of alums looked quite as promising as the last but I am withholding my final verdict right now (I endeavor to be just). Overall, it was an enjoyable enough way to pass an hour. Some bulletpointed observations--

• The dude who was omni-present in all the promos --"The Player"? He has yet to make an appearance.
• They have a more racially diverse alumni class than last season
• During the opening credits, they show all the yearbook picks and rattle off the corresponding h.s. stereotype for each alum. So they've got "The Cheerleader", "The Cowboy", "The All-Star" etc. Well, I did a double take when they snuck in "THE PREGNANT GIRL". Really? Wow, edgy. The more I think about it, the more I take offense on Shalonda's behalf (Shalonda--that's "the pregnant girl" or, uhh, ex-pregnant girl, I guess)
• They are continuing a tradition of having 1 divorced couple amongst the crew of alums. This must be HSR's go-to recipe for draaaaa-maa! Although this round's divorcees--Tom&Kara--seem sane and rather likable, so I suspect their drama will not be half so dramatic as last season's Mike & Lana. Oooh...that Lana. She was a rabid mega-bitch, fer sure. Toootally!
• The most errr.. noticeable alum so far is Jessica. She is the proverbial ugly-duckling-turned-swan, except in her case it's an ugly-duckling-turned-bunny (Playboy bunny, that is). Y'know, I don't have a problem with her being a playmate, nor do I care much that her wardrobe takes "micro-mini" to a whole 'nuthah level. But what is grating is that..by all outer indications...she is chronically vapid. Just as vapid as her big fake hooters and puffy futon mattress lips would have you believe she might be. I thought being an ugly duckling was supposed to build character??

Oh, I almost forgot last night's most remarkable TV discovery-- Phil's Music Extravaganza. There's this dude on CATV 8 public access that usually does a show from his workshop. He goes through his collection of wooden creations he's made (mostly whirligig lawn decor) and does a little exposition on their features & what not. The guy (Phil) does nice work, but he's not exceedingly eloquent and has this WICKED Yankee accent. It makes for some kinda funny TV (I'd bet if I got stoned I would find it just inexpressibly amusing) and usually when I flip onto it by chance (since, offhand, I have no idea when his show airs) it usually captures my attention for about 5minutes. Well that's all I thought ol' Phil had to offer. . .until last night. Last night, I'm flipping around after HSR and I see Phil in a totally different setting than the workshop. And then I note that he's attired in a radically different fashion than I usually see(in his workshop he usually dons a flannel shirt...on this "music extravaganza" he's got on a Hawaiian shirt & straw fedora. Woooot woo!) He turns on a nearby boombox and commences to PLAY TAMBOURINE ALONG WITH HIS FAVORITE CDs. Add to that a little dancing. Throw in some really bad harmonica playing.... It was awesome. That will have to suffice, but really words cannot encapsulate the spectacle. That's why I'm so pissed with catv 8. Their website has 216 videos of their various shows and it seems like 214 of those offerings are vids of televised Town Meetings. Town meeting, schmown schmeeting!! If I wanted to get bored to tears by a flippin' town meeting then I'd go to one!! When I saw that catv was technologically sophisticated enough to have video clips online--you can get their podcast thru itunes, for fuck's sake!-- then I thought (fleetingly) that I had a good chance of sharing with yous the wonder that is Phil's Music Extravaganza ( I am an embedding fiend, y'know) But no dice, dammit. Let's pretend people read my blog, and I will make-believe entreat of all my legions of devotees to besiege catv with emails demanding that video footage of Phil's Music Extravaganza be posted online. Ahhh, would that it were so...

a new low in triviality

Today Eileen was singing the praises of the "ideal clamp" and how indispensible they are and how very dearly she loves 'em and I was heartily in disagreement with her vis a vis their worth. First off, let's have a look at this so-called "ideal clamp"-

I call them "ideal clamps" only because that's what Office Max has dubbed them online and on their packaging. Really, I take issue with the name. I actually think they're far from "ideal" but that aspect of the issue is subjective. Why wouldn't they be called "clips", though? Empirically, they are clearly more clip than clamp. You see what I mean??

I really don't see how the ideal clamp is an improvement over the tried& true original --the traditional paper clip.

I feel (quite strongly) that the BINDER CLIP is paper fastening technology par excellence. In the interests of succinctness, I proffer an analogy to prove my point...

The binder clip is to paper fastening doohickies as Glad Press 'n' Seal Wrap is to food-preserving plastic wrap.

In other news of nanomicroscopic pettiness, I was researching business card paper online. There was this Geographics brand business card cardstock that Office Max sells that's about $4 cheaper than the Avery 5371 that we've been buying. But , OF COURSE, there's no way to tell on the lame-o Office Max website whether or not this cardstock is a working substitute for the Avery 5371. It appears to be but...dammit, all they have to put on there is "Equivalent to Avery 5371" and I would be certain. But NO, I have to do extra research and go to that paper company's website and then when I get there I am distracted from my mission entirely. Emblazoned across this company's homepage is a banner ad for St Patty's Day stationary. This ad proclaims, "Your in luck!!" Now if y'all know me, you know this rather pissed me off. If I worked for that paper company, I would be EMBARRASSED. So I click the "Contact Us" link and politely (albeit a bit haughtily) informed them of the faux pas. I got this almost immediately--

Dear Sandra,
Thank you for alerting us. I have notified the programmer, who won't be in until tomorrow morning.
Sincerely,
Jim Jimmypants (*not his real name)

And then I get an email that's all "Ticket # somethinerother has been generated to correct your issue" and "please follow up with reference # somethinerother" all very involved and technical and really I was only a smidge irked and I don't truly, deeply give a rat's arse about it.

Also, I completely forgot to get the specs on the business card cardstock... Phooey.

I have a very interesting color palette of grey & yellow going on today. Specifically: a semi-sheer yellow shirt under a heather grey sweatshirt-cardigan with darker grey jeans, grey & yellow Sketcher sneaks (quick aside: I really detest the colloquialism of “tennis shoes”. Unless the footwear is expressly designed for the game of tennis…call the bastards “SNEAKERS” please & thanx!!) silver hair clippie , my silver watch and a black,blue& yellow friendship bracelet of my own crafting. (went minimal in the accessories dept…possibly a reaction from last week’s overaccessorized wardrobe. I wore a scarf everyday last week. The first scarf recurrence was coincidental and then I decided to continue it as like a sartorial theme for the week) I’ve been told I’ve a tendency to be too “matchy-matchy” in my outfits and I suppose today is a prime example of that tendency. I’m sorry! Matchy-matchy makes me happy & I rather enjoy a good motif.

HOWEVER--I almost had to go home today on account of a dreaded “ wardrobe malfunction”. As I was unpacking a crate of medium gloves in the storeroom, I hear a pinggk! noise. This is the sound of the button flying off the top of my jeans. Now these pants would, I’d wager, stay on sans button. But the zipper dropped down to midway and you could see open flaps of the top of my jeans protruding under my shirt. MOST displeasing.

Well, thank Heaven for “needless” Christmas gifts. Last Christmas one of my coworkers (I regret to say, I can’t even remember which one) gave out wee stockings with dollar store trinkets in ‘em—icky fimo clay ornaments, mini candy canes…also a small sewing kit. Now, the sewing kit I kind of liked (as it was a little houndstooth check case, and I happen to have this strange affinity for houndstooth check) but didn’t see that I’d have much use for it, so I just chucked it in the tchotchkes drawer of my desk and the kit was amongst the desk accoutrement that somehow migrated from my prior gig to this current one. So after spending a panicky ½ minute staring at the rivet in my hand, I remembered that houndstooth check sewing kit. I smuggled it to the bathroom in my cardigan pocket and my first idea was to snip a button off my cardigan to sew on to my pants (as the buttons included in the kit were too small to fit properly in this button hole) but I was reluctant to execute this plan as it involved partial dismantling of a cardigan I just bought yesterday. I then noticed that this handiest of handy kits had a smattering of safety pins in it. One of these is now SAFEguarding my pants, and keeping safe my precious scrap of dignity, also keeping innocent bystanders safe from an alarming exhibition. Safety pin , indeed. Never has so banal a term been imbued with such prolific meaning!!

Enough about my pantstastic calamities. Another dismal thing that happened today—the correction of last week’s payroll snafu. Now, for very good reasons I don’t work in the accounting/ finance depts.** (one of those very good reasons being I can’t quite ascertain the difference between finance and accounting…also I’m always getting “accounts receivable” & “accounts payable” confused) but I woulda thought they had some clever accounting trick for correcting overcompensations. The clever trick is. . .having me write them a check for the amount I was overpaid. Veddy, veddy shoddy of thems, I must say. I mean, first they are toying with my emotions by putting that fat amount on my paystub, and then letting me know in no uncertain terms that NO I cannot have all that moolah. But then, I have to pay them the money…that’s just cruel. It was a really difficult to write that check—it physically pained me (practically).

So on Heroes. . . is it really *so* verboten for the writers to duplicate powers?? Because it seems with this comic book store dude they are REALLY scraping the bottom of the paranormal abilities barrel (imagining, for the moment, that such things are kept in barrels) What they shoulda done is reuse those super-learnin’ powers they gave to that chick in LA (that annoying little Micah kid’s cousin, introduced for a season and then receded into oblivion) What, instead, do we have? Some schmendrick that can hold his breath underwater for prolonged periods of time. WOW-WHEE KAZOWIE! That’s like being a lame half-ass Aquaman, ( I do believe Aquaman can commandeer armies of manatees and battalions of seahorses & the like and this new “hero” can do neither.) I’m not even sure how this dude can apply his underwhelming scuba powers— he was on the swim team he mentioned, so perhaps he can swim long distances? That’s really terrific at a swim meet, but on epic save-the-world type missions, it’s a bit useless. I suppose the character’s purpose is to underscore the senselessness of Senator P’s project. Y’know how Easter Island is preaching what a horrific threat to national security these people are , meanwhile they’ve deployed their best men in the pointless mission of apprehending this harmless cut-rate Aquaman. If that’s the point, I get it. Point made & duly noted…I only hope this was this loser’s sole appearance on the show (if not, a powers makeover ASAP please!)

I am kind of amused with Sylar becoming some sort of big brother character. Am starting to wonder if that kid is even more warped than S.

I am no longer ambivalent about HRG. I am back to loving him again!! It was so sad when his dippy wife kicked him to the curb. It sure tugged at me ol’ heartstrings when he got weepy and all “I love you Clairbear”. Then his stupid unworthy daughter didn’t even say “I love you” back. That’s just good manners! Okay, okay-- so she did hug him. And though I don’t fault her for blowing the whistle to her mom, she been vexing me in like a zillion other ways for the past 2 seasons. I get that they’re trying to develop the character, y’know, grow her from an innocent & oblivious cheerleader to a woman-to-be-reckoned with. They’re trying to show her sprouting a backbone. But she’s been so dumb and petulant about it—grrr.

But back to the characters I don’t loathe… I’ve always felt kind of “mehh” about Hiro and for that reason I didn’t follow his storylines too intently (also that whole 17th century plot was a YAAWWNER) but now I am watching, because I find I am becoming more & more of an Ando fan. I thought he might get some curry booty this past episode. Ah well.. I sorta wish they’d given Ando a better power . How about invisibility? They haven’t used that too much. I honestly can’t think of a power that they’ve not used at all. Must be the writers are similarly stumped, hence the new characters with SCUBA powers. Would be entertaining though to give Ando the popular ol’ standby of super-strength and watch him kick some arse.

I think if I were to have powers I’d go with superstrength or invincibility (a la Claire) or maybe I’d take creepy puppetmaster powers like that icky Paul Giamatti-esque baddie who was in love with Claire’s mother. (And yes I’d do the “Whyyahittin’yerself? Whyyahittin’yerself?” routine at least once or twice) I think Parkman has—hands down—the coolest powers, but I wouldn’t take those just because the whole telepathy part of the package would prove burdensome, methinks.

**I would seriously would consider a career in accountancy if it were actually was the clerical swashbucklery depicted in Monty Python's Meaning of Life. But alas...

coffee table book du jour

The coffee table book I've had my schnozz in nowadays is The Illustrated Encyclopedia of Castles, Palaces, & Stately Houses of Britain & Ireland. Gorgeous, gorrrrrgeous stuff. Now, unquestionably I belong in a palace, but I could certainly content myself residing in one of these "stately homes". I mean, it's just incredible what the 19th ce. Brit aristocracy used to call a "cottage".

I was digging for more info on these places, and I came across this cool site. A lot of these manor homes have their own websites, and further, a lot of these places publicizing themselves here on the internets are pushing themselves as wedding venues. How fucking awesome would it be to be married at one of these places??

For instance...Chatsworth looks like an effing AMAZING venue. Also at Syon Park (just outside of London) you could utilize this fab pavillion--

Which really, is cooler looking from the inside--

and done up for a wedding reception--

Just lovely (though I'm not sure I'd do it up quite so pinkly)

I wonder if booking a manor for one's wedding is just for the disgustingly wealthy Brits OR if they're so mad overstocked with titled gentry over 'cross the pond that a booking a manor for your wedding is roughly equivalent to our booking the American Legion . Would that not be a dreamy setting for a wedding?? I know, with my impeccable taste I could stage just a magnificent fete... the only tricky bit is finding a groom that's up to snuff. Ohhh, BOTHER. . .

other incompetencies

In addition to being a mediocre gas pumper, I must confess I am utterly inept with a squeegee. On my last trip to Cumby's (this afternoon..3ish) I noticed that my windshield was thoroughly covered with a coating of sand and/or road dust and I went at it with a squeegee. The windshield is considerably less grimy now, but it's a streaky mess.

So much for my dreams of starting my own roadside biz...

I have been remiss...

...if I have not yet disclosed to you all that I thoroughly and intensely LOATHE the Free Credit Report Troubadour of those insipid FreeCreditReport.com commercials. UGGH. That dude is the worst.

dilemma resolved

Yeah, so I didn't wrestle with the moral dilemma of extra cake in my paycheck for all that long after all. Turns out I was not the only employee who was excessively compensated, and so the payroll snafu was discovered within a coupla hours. Shit.

dilemma

Just got my pay stub and I was overpayed by about $600. I am seriously considering telling someone about it. I am also seriously considering keeping mum about the snafu.

Really, the only reason I'm inclined to report it is because I suspect it would be eventually caught and the $$ would be yanked away from me anyways..

What I listened to on my ride home tonight...

I remember watching this vid back in high school and genuinely thinking that that Glenn Danzig was pretty hubba-hubba. Now...I'm too refined to go for that maybe? I'm a bit appalled at my circa 1993 self. That's just...ugh..too sweaty. And wearing a mesh tank top--for the love o' Pete's Dragon!!
Still, I just love this song (best line: "FATHER-DO YOU WANNA BANG HEADS WITH ME??") When I sing along with this live version, there's the part towards the end during the raging guitar solo where he makes this loud but indistinguishable exclamation, and I always opt to sing "BOWW WOOOOW!" at that juncture.

I have to also include the original 1988 video for "Mother" . I'd not seen it before tonight. I was thinking it was going to be the most basic, absolute dullest music video ever until near the end when they started doing the kooky-ass black mass stuff. Haa. Even more laughable is how Glenn is trying his damnedest to look fierce (and I mean fierce in its original meaning, not the bastardized Christian Siriano buzz word sense of the word) and glowering and sneering (his glower is better than his sneer, I feel. For a good sneer, go to Billy Idol. He makes it effortless and sexy) amidst the artfully arranged shadows. And then he totally undermines the whole effect with this gnarly Farrah Fawcett blow-out hair. Crazy!!




Is that a flaming wad of gum he's brandishing at 02:09 ?? And heeey--one of those Satanic hos looks quite a bit like Cameron Diaz, no?

This would be fun on Guitar Hero. It's on one of the versions of the game, though not the one my nephew has. I haven't played in a while, and find myself kinda jonesin' to. I'm no pro...it's definitely one of those things that I am crap at but enjoy nonetheless. My favorite song to do (my signature, if you will) is ZZ Top's La Grange. That song is the cat's jammies. Very good to bop around to. Yep.. everybody I've played against remains seated (and strangely, the best players seem to be the most thoroughly chillaxed--sunken into the couch, virtually napping) but I insist on playing on my feet. Thus far, I've resisted the urged to smash the guitaroller (that's a compound word there...you likey?) on the furniture.

palabra jot!!

I used to watch PBS all day when I stayed home sick from school as a wee Sanny. I had this Claymation-ish grasshopper and a mantra of "Palabra jot!!" resounding in my head from those sick days of yore, but the memories were so hazy, plus *no one* knew what I was referring to when ranting about the grasshopper & his "Palabra Jot" chanting so I was starting to doubt myself...suspect that I'd had fever-induced hallucinations.

But thank God for YouTube...

Now I just need someone to download clips of "ReadIt with John Robbins" and I'll be all set. I just remember an opening sequence of animated froggies croaking "RRrread It!" and brief glimpses of John Robbins with his way dark moustache and he would draw charcoal etchings of a story while he read it. OK, so, it doesn't sound monstrously exciting, but it would give me the nostalgic warm fuzzies to see it again.

I also used to watch Slim Goodbody , but I'd just as soon forget that whackadoo.

In my rooting around I found Rick's TVO Kids Shows page ..which specifically looks at TV Ontario children's programming, but come to find out, US PBS& Canadian PBS shared a few kiddie shows. Some of those screen caps from All About You with Louise McNamara looked vaguely familiar...

Yeeaah, I would guess this particular episode stuck with me because the plastic mutilated torso character there freaked me right the hell out...

Feel like I should post simply 'cause I haven't in a while but I don't really have much of anything to report...Hmmmmm..lemme see...lemme see...

I missed big chunks of Heroes on Monday night and I'm kinda miffed about that. The Mentalist was especially good last night--Simon Baker had the charm especially amped up.

Mi amiga Heather treated me to dinner at Salt Hill last night and the "Dublin Fries" were excellent (no relation--thank goodness--to "calf fries") In other vittles news I made omelettes & french fries for dinner tonight. Everything was tasty but the omelettes gave me the most vile gas. Sorry..TMI, right??

Our receptionist royally pissed me off today because she asked for invisible tape and all we had was transparent tape and she had a little fit over it. I came out with the horribly substandard transparent tape and was all "I'm sorry this is the only kind we have" (accompanied by the most apologetic of apologetic shrugs). And she gets ALL FUCKING HUFFY and sez "What--I have to buy my own tape now too? This is garbage. I can't use it. I had this on a list of product NOT TO BUY because it doesn't work, it won't stick. I can't use that. It's garbage" I grabbed the tape and just pivoted and retreated without another fucking word because I felt, in that moment, if I lingered a nanosecond longer I was either (best case scenario) gonna call her a raving bitch or bludgeon her with her empty tape dispenser. Now usually, I am very quick to offer to make a special order when someone has a particular preference (about 50% of the time I'll get shot down, but I will try. Even if the purse strings are cinching up, *I* have remained accomodating) But she went from zero-to-megabitch so quickly I didn't even get the chance to offer. And I'm sure as hell not going to now. She can buy her own f-ing tape, that nasty old hag.

I dyed my hair tonight. I think it's darker than I've ever had it. Not sure if I like it yet. I'm leanin' toward "YES" but I'm not quite decided. When I picked it up at Walmart last night, I deliberated for some time between Herbal Essence's"Foxy Brown" (a medium brown shade) and Revlon Dark Brown (#30) but Laura finally talked me into the former. Jinkies--I dunno how dark my hair woulda been if I'd gone with the darker shade. As it is...well,you need light shining on it to see that it is still brown & not black. I guess I dig it. There's no white hairs anymore and it feels really soft. I wanted a real noticeable change but was sick of red/reddish tones...

In other cosmetological news...I picked up a makeup eraser pen the other day (like this but Maybelline brand) and it is proving to be the niftiest tool in all my massive warpaint arsenal. Me mucho gusto...

The other night I was flipping through the offerings on Comcast OnDemand and in particular exploring their MUSIC section. I happened to be in the mood for something that didn't demand much of an attention span, and so I spent an hour and a half watching music videos. So novel to watch videos, since you rarely ever come across them on the "music channels" any more (unless you're channel surfing at 3 or 4 in the a.m.) Quick aside-- have you ever watched that show "Parental Control" on MTV?? That show always feels very blatantly staged. I seriously hope I'm right about that, because otherwise the youth of America has an APPALLING & SHOCKING lack of respect for their elders. It's disgusting. And from what I've seen of the show (I tend to catch it somewhere in the middle and find myself strangely compelled to know the outcome) the subject keeps their original girlfriend/boyfriend like 9 times outta 10.

Anyways, enough about that horrid program. Let me know share with you the two highlights of my music vid binge...

HEARTLESS [KANYE WEST]




Question: REALLY?? Who knew Kanye was so into the Jetsons?? Or was this the denoument some behind-the-scenes rights wrangling.?? Like, maybe K really wanted to use Fat Albert & co., but the Coz was SO peeved that K already copied the Huxtable sweater look and so he wouldn't sign off on it. I wonder...
But anyways, I like this song. Even more than Love Lockdown. Now, the fact that he allowed an animated Kanye to stand in for the real deal in this video...mayhap that's showing an uncharacteristic smidge of humility on his part? Don't get me wrong--I adore Kanye--even at full-tilt,unabated levels of egomania.

This one from a few years ago--



How fucking brilliant are these guys?? I find the Bigfoot running montage sort of exciting. And is that stuffed shells or lasagna he's serving up?? Well, either way I'm impressed with his culinary prowess...obviously. And props to MCA for one of the bestest Halloween costumes ever. If y'all see me as a devil egg for Halloween '09, please do me a solid and pretend like I came up with the idea myself, okay??

tunes & yogurt

Is it just me or is choosing yogurt at the grocery store a faaaaar more epic task than it ever used to be? I know there were a bevy of grammatical flaws in that sentence, (pardon me) but surely you get the gist, yes? Are there really so many more yogurt options or is this me exhibiting signs of old fogeyism...in particular that way the fogeys have of hyper-romanticizing the past so much so that their rosy retroview obscures to them how things actually factually were. Y'know, the rampant "In My Day..." syndrome the old farts get. Except where most people will wind up kvetching something like: "In my day..we didn't have rapes on the subways and mass murderers" (thereby lamenting modern societal ills) I, with my continuing focus on the trivial am grieved at how complex PURCHASING YOGURT has become. Silliness.


Well, anyways, if you are a doddering fool like me and need advice in the scarily addlepating realm of yogurt selection, then let me share with you a recommendation. Against all aforementioned odds, I have found the yogurt of my dreams (and my yogurt uncertainty is a thing of the past) I very much enjoy Cabot's Low Fat Greek Style Yogurt. Actually, I did once try Cabot's regular Greek Style Yogurt , and I very, VERY much enjoyed that (it was sinfully delicious...and at 14g of fat a cup, I DO mean sinful!!) But the Low Fat kind is almost as terrif. Specifically, I like the Vanilla Bean flavor & the Pomegranate Blueberry.
OK, now for a total topical 180 ...without a net...without a segue...heeere goes..


I have just recently discovered Last fm. I find it very helpful in musical exploration...for instance, I am beginning to delve into some new genres a bit-- bluegrass , folk, blues... and so, knowing that I kinda dig Doc Watson, I can look him up, and not only can I find about a thousand **full length**tracks of his work, but his page offers up lyrics to some of his songs, also similar artists, similar tracks...it's great. Speaking o' Doc... I've found 2 more songs of his I've gotta get. Also was listening to Puccini.


In summation, I'm LOVING this site. I just might hafta add it to my links sidebar...

TV

I did watch the Superbowl on Sunday, although I can't claim to have given a rat's arse about the outcome. Well, normally I don't. Last year was an anomaly--I really,genuinely gave a shit. The Pats had had such an amazing, unbelievable season, I was really pulling for them to win it (don't fret--I have since gotten over the defeat). Anyways this year I returned to form-- only concerning myself with the Superbowl Party grub and the commercials. I missed the one that was the viewer fave-- the Doritos "crystal ball" ad (although I caught it on hulu tonight--cute) I did like the Denny's commercial with the mob guys getting smiley pancakes. Also dug the one for monster with the poor schmoe whose desk is right under a moose ass. The one that really spoke to me was --




It's funny...BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. SO TRUE. Ok, so I don't scream like that when I pull into my parking spot in the a.m....but I'm apt to anyday now. And actually on of 4 out of 5 weekday mornings the first word I utter when I awake is "Fuuuuuuuuuck!" That there, is a fact. But back to the commercial--my favorite part is the koala punching bit. They couldn't have chosen a better animal to deck. Koalas seem to have this cute and snuggly wuggly rep that couldn't be more misleading. They really are insufferable bastards. I don't know if you knew that about koalas, but that also is factual.

Speaking of cute and snuggly wuggly, I watched SNL tonight (had it DVRed) and was struck with a new appreciation for what a total cutie patootie that Jason Mraz is. I usually skip over the music segments on SNL, but I kinda dig that first song he did ("I'm Yours" I think is its title) and it was fun to watch him play it. If he is hetero (I can't quite tell with any certainty) then I bet he does pretty well with the ladies. Look at what big bidness John Mayer inexplicably did (before he settled down with Granny Anniston, that is) Jason Mraz definitely deserves as much--nay, I say MORE--Jason Mraz deserves more tail than John Mayer got.

As for the "comedy"...MMmmeh. Steve Martin was lame, the digital short (which usually delivers) was muy STUPIDO. I liked Weekend Update, the Bernie Madoff skit (which they managed to not draw out too long, as they are apt to) the MacGruber skit (and those usually suck) where all M will say is "Pepsi Pepsi Pepsi.." And I really dug Kenan Thompson doing "Issues". I think Thompson is hysterical --and underrated...which is probably a good thing..I think if SNL appreciated his skills, they'd overuse & overextend the hell outta him..y'know like they do Kristen Wiig.




TV this week was Old Home Days for 80s moppets..so far anyways. Last night on Medium I saw none other than Vinnie Delpino and tonight's eppy of The Mentalist featured Chip from Kate & Allie. Both were murderers, as it happens. I kinda saw that potential for grisly mischief in Chip way back years ago when he laid down on the kitchen table with ketchup splashed 'cross his chest & a butter knife in his armpit trying to fool Allie into thinking he was dead. Remembah that episode? I do...hazily.

Not all that much to say about last night's Heroes. First off, I AM so thrilled it's back. I know it is kinda pathetic, but it makes my Mondays incrementally more tolerable to know that a new Heroes is rolling around at 9pm. Just a mere 14 hours to tough it out...really, it changes my waking expletive on Mondays from a "Fuuuuuuck!" to a "Fuuck." I think what this season of Heroes needs is for Ando to get some lovin' (not from some Tokyo hooker either, but still it's good he was making an effort) and for HRG to stop being such an unconscionable BASTARD. Well, it looks like Nate-Easter-Island-head-Petrelli is public enemy numero uno now. I don't really mind that as I never liked him too much anyways. But I did like HRG, I guess I still do, tenuously. It's hard to root for him when he keeps going so morally AWOL. As always, I LOVE sweet Pete Petrelli!! And I still adore Sylar even if he has gone back to noggin carving. I dug that scene where he vanquished all the silly army schmoes who were trying to bring him in.

Oh tonight's tube time was watching The Mentalist, which is just exactly the sort of crime procedural crap that I usually avoid (the backbone fare of CBS). But I can't deny myself a Simon Baker fix when there's one to be had. He's not only a fiiiine, foxyass specimen, but he's ever so charming and is the entire reason that show's been deemed worthy of an hour of my time. Well, tonight they had homocidal Chip on, but usually it's just the Simon Baker factor that gets me tuned in.