I'm training this chick at work to do my job. Not to take over my job, necessarily, but just so there will be extra people to cover the front desk if I am n/a. Dottie is always willing to pitch in but she only works part time (8am-1:30pm Mon-Thurs) so her availability is a tad limited. And the schedulers out back are all trained to do it, but they always act so fucking PUT UPON when they sub for me, I hate it. You know I realize that they're busy back there, in fact I concede that they are VERY VERY busy. But you don't have to be a bitch to me, a'ight? Regardless of your hectic schedule, I like to take my 1/2 hour lunch break and enjoy the occasional piss mmm-kay?
Anyways, aforesaid "chick" --Ellie-- is a home health aide who threw her back out and though she is on the mend, she has been relegated to office duty for a few weeks (basically until her doc gives her the green light) So we are finding uses for her in the office. Once she's totally healed, she's not apt to be in the office much for covering my future absences (oh, yeah,she only says about 50x a day how she absolutely CAN NOT WAIT to get back "in the field") but her office duty happened to coincide with a Friday (this Fri, 8/22) where I wanted to get out @ noon and nobody wanted to cover for me (as per usual!! You see how these mid-afternoon job interviews have been a bitch to finagle?? And here I have another tenatively scheduled for 8/29!! AAargh!) So anyways, in the long run, this training is all for naught, but who cares??I am stoked to have my 1/2 day off on Fri, and it's been nice this week to be able to perambulate about the office for a change. Well, it's not that I can't leave my chair at all, but usually I have to stay pretty much in the vicinity of that phone. Within earshot, I should say. And if I am faxing some orders out I have to listen for the phone and be ready to bolt when I hear it. It's not like if I miss a call,it will kick over to someone else's line (that would be sweet!! ) but if I don't get it, it rings and rings and rings and rings until the caller gives up (or keels over! Agh!) And honestly, it's not a sympathy for the patients/callers that drives me to be so damned conscientious. 'Cause when I miss a call (it has happened--on rare occasion) my thought is not "Oh that poor caller!!" I think "Fuck! My ass is grass!" Oddly, I always presume these dropped calls are people for Cathy (Cathy is the area director whom I am not all that fond of...more on that in a bit) and these people (when they at last get through to Cathy) are going to be all "Is there something the matter with your phone system? I called earlier and it rang and rang and rang and NO ONE ANSWERED." with their voices all tinged with this fake concern but their essential message is really"Get your employees in line, for fuck's sake"
Okay a tangent about Cathy (before I meander back towards my point). I have 2 bosses: Cathy & Shawna. Shawna is --no question about it-- a cool shit. She interviewed & chose to hire me (and I gave such a lousy interview too--had strep that day. So perhaps I feel somewhat indebted to her, too??) and she's very down-to-earth and nice. Cathy..well, I wanted to like Cathy because she's technically friendly to me and I have an intrinsic yen to give peoples the benny of the doubt whenever possible. But for some elusive reason, I just can't quite bring myself to give C the "seal of approval". Even though she says things that are friendly-like, there is ever-present something very cold-fishesque in her demeanor. I think she may be a Replicant.
I did realize today why it rankles me to have Cathy tell me to do something or to tell me how I should do something. Well, you'd think it was the fact that she is a representative of "The Man" and I happen to have a strong anti-TheMan streak embedded in me. But that is NOT it. When Shawna instructs me on something, I don't mind it in the least. In fact, I am such a total peon & universal lackey that everybody's always telling me to do something...and I take it all in stride, mostly. But when Cathy tells me what to do or how she'd like me to do something.. she WINCES. And it's not an "I'm uncomfortable about being authoritative" sort of wince. Oh no. It's like a facial "Comprende?" A nonverbal "Are you getting this?" It's really patronizing. And really, it's gotta be really patronizing for me to find it patronizing. I'm someone who never knows when I'm being patronized. For instance, back in my TDC days when we were miffed by some mandate that came down from on high, I'd just be doing some generalized grumbling (y'know, along the lines of "Aw, SCREW THE MAN, maaan!") but Lisa would always be all righteous indignation and say "Hmph! That is so patronizing!!" To which I'd invariably respond "Patronizing? Huh? Really??"
Anyways, back to Ellie. She's a nice lady. Not terribly bright, but I bet she's excellent at her job (her usual job I mean) because she's very kind-hearted. She seems to be terrified of the computer. So, thus far, I've totally avoided training her on any of the tasks I do on the computer (there are quite a lot) because it's been a big enough struggle just to get her comfortable on the phones (I did notice her chill-laxing somewhat today though) I didn't want to even get into the data entry and scheduling stuff I do because she doesn't even seem to have the basic PC skills foundation to start with, and it's not as if she's going to be doing this months down the road. Ultimately her office stint is going to be short-lived, and so I think it'll be fine to train her half-assedly. I guess I just mean to point out that I'm being deliberately and strategically half-assed about this and not just naturally half assed.
Anyways because I've had Ellie on the phone lately, I've been able to walk around the office, with no need to come running out of the kitchen midway thru making a cup o' joe (due to the phone ringing) and stuff like that.
And so...I was able today to permit myself the luxury of a workplace bowel movement. I pretty much am an "out of the closet pooper" (check out this must read glossary ) although this bathroom at the new gig is certainly more of a test of my excretory bravado (2 single seater bathrooms in the whole office vs. my last workplace that had 5 or more multi-stall BRs) Anyways, I didn't just perpetrate any average #2 today.. I had TORRENTIAL MUDBUTT. I couldn't even tell you why -- I had this utterly terrible veggie lasagna for lunch (picked it up @ Brownsville General Store yesterday-presumed it had to be good on account of said store making such delish sammis). But I only had like 3 bites of that (due to its grodiness). Ultimately, my lunch was a Hershey bar and a can of Coke. Hersheys don't usually give me the Hershey squirts. Well, nevertheless, I exited the bathroom marvelling to myself that my pants actually fit looser.
A few moments later, I heard somebody walking past the cubicle row behind me say "Uugh the bathroom STINKS!!" For a fleeting moment, I was pretty embarrassed. But then I sez to meself"Ehh, fuck it. Everybody poops!" A pretty inspired and mightily convincing argument, I must say, and I totally talked myself out of being embarrassed. But I also briefly had this impulse (an impulse I did *NOT* act on. I repeat , I did NOT do this!) to just maliciously try and make things awkward for that person via hollering out a full confession-- "Oh Gaaawd YES. I just had HORRIBLE DIARRHEA." You would have to say "diarrhea" and eschew any cutesy euphemisms if you really wanted to make the person really feel bad. You see, you can't come off like you're being at all flippant, you have to seem seriously tormented by your rascally bowels, and seem maybe like you have an awful medical condition. OK, so perhaps I entertained this notion longer than just "briefly". But let me re-reiterate: I did NOT actually do that.
Many other things happened between 8am & 4:30pm today but none were as interesting as my poop.
After work, I met up with Heather for dinner. I had told Dad I was coming to help with the basement cleaning again, but still , 'twas I who suggested dinner out to H. I called him beforehand to let him know I'd be delayed and why. He didn't outright say he was peeved, but I could tell. He said "OK, just try and be here before dark. I want to be able to see when I work on your car" (See, aside from me working in the basement, tonight he was going to look over my car--add oil, check tires etc. & just be sure it was copacetic for the long-ish trek to MA this weekend) But it wasn't so much that comment that tipped me off, it was that exaggerated nasal breathing he does when he's vexed. That's his tell. So maybe I sorta half renegged on what I promised, but I'm not sorry and I don't even care that he was miffed! Because I feel like I'm always on call for the 'rents. My social life is really not as hoppin' as it should be for someone my age. I don't blame that on them...it's my fault and no one else's. But really, if I get an opportunity to commiserate w/ friends, I feel I need to make time for that--if I want my sorry sitch to change at all. Besides, it's not as if I totally left 'em high & dry--I compromised.
I ordered a ribs & steak combo at Chili's and it was decent. Ah well, the steak was nothin' to blog about, but the ribs were delish. I got the Brown Sugar Chili Rub kind. It's too bad that I get ribs so often at Chili's that I know which style is my fave. I'm not usually the type of person that has a "regular" order at any eatery...in fact, just the opposite, I generally go to great pains to always order something different than I got the last time. So I dunno what's with me--but the last 3 times I've gone to Chili's for dinner I've gotten ribs. It's gotta stop. It's not that the ribs aren't good. Therein lies the prob. Y'see there's never a doggy bag for the next day's lunch when I get ribs. Doesn't even matter if I'm full from the apps, I always finish my ribs. It's like some matter of principal with me? Perhaps not..it's not as if I think about it.. it's just that I so dig 'em that when I get them I go all "rib-mad" and lose all sense of portion control. It's something akin to when I attack a pint o' Ben &Jerry's-- don't stop until ya hit cardboard, baby! (incidentally, that is why I think those wee, 3.6 oz cups of Ben & Jerry's are so effing INGENIOUS)
Then Heather got me to go to Best Buy because she wanted to salivate over the laptops. Since I happen to be dreaming of a spiffy new laptop myself, it didn't take much coercion to get me to go & co-salivate. Some stuff about Best Buy: they remodeled our local store and I had been there once since the remodel, it's been some time since that visit and so I kinda forgot the remodel. They have these big circular banners suspended from the ceiling indicating what merchandise is where, ie: over in the northwest corner of the store are refrigerators and stoves, so above these hangs a blue banner proclaiming "Kitchen appliances". That was purely an illustrative example there, I can't rightly recall if the banner says "Kitchen Appliances" or the more specific " Refrigerators & Stoves" and I don't remember in what region of the store these things are in (even though I was there just a few hours ago) But I noted how the Best Buy folks put on all these banners the Espanol translation just under the English. Because Spanish people would never surmise what sort of product was under the "mp3 & iPod" banner if that banner didn't also read "mp3 y iPod". Ha..I'm just jesting. I have no problem with stores catering to shoppers of any nationality. Although, y'know, I know quite a bit of Espanol and it would be a nice change of pace to be able to pick up a bit of conversational Dutch while out shopping. Don't you think so, eh?? Really, I was just wishing that Best Buy would put that kind of attention to detail into their bathrooms. I visited their new & improved Ladies' Room (minor mudbutt relapse) where NONE of the stalls had locks on them. Well I don't need to tell you that that could lead to a dreaded turd burglar situation, and those are most unsettling. (Please re-access the glossary if you are at all perplexed) Luckily, no such nightmare transpired.
So at Best Buy I went a li'l hog wild spending after Heather left me. Oh noo, I didn't get a laptop. It was more of a "small-ticket item" spree. I bought an Entertainment Weekly, and also an InStyle. I have repeatedly admitted that InStyle magazine is nothing but a thick stack of ads and have sworn off buying it...and repeatedly broken my own boycott vows. This time I was lured in by the cover's exclamation: "What's YOUR Fashion Style? Take Our Quiz!" To which I replied "Heeeey, this reminds me: I ADORE MAGAZINE QUIZZES! Yes please and merci beaucoup!" Do they make a magazine that is just cover-to-cover quizzes? I don't think there is such a 'zine. There sure as hell ought to be!!
Also I bought the DVD "Summer Magic" for my nieces. Yes it IS for my nieces! (Even though I do like that Hayley Mills) It's a "just-because gift" for 'em. So probably I shoulda bought a "just-because" gift for Seth, but I didn't. The sooner them young 'uns learn that life just AIN'T fair the better...that's what I say. Oh FINE. Alright, I'll say that "Summer Magic" is for all 4 of them. I'm fairly certain Seth will hate it though.
And I bought "Batman: the movie" Not the Michael Keaton/Val Kilmer/George Clooney OR Christian Bale one. I got my very fave-- the spectacularly cheezy '66 flick w/ Adam West & Burt Ward (which you'd know by now if you'd tapped that link....JILL) Yep it's for me, not the kids. I used to have it but it got busted.
As I was checking out, I had this sudden burst of loquaciousness and I started blathering on to the Best Buy cashier about how the original Batman series would be excellent to own on DVD and there must be some sort of studio legal battle over it or else it woulda certainly been released by now. Now this is the dweeby Best Buy clerk who is constantly chatting people up and is just waaaay excessively friendly and normally I will bypass an aisle if I see him in it just avoid him asking me if he can help me find anything and potentially parlaying that into a 5 min one-sided convo. And all the time I am doing this blathering, my inner Sandra is saying "What THE HELL are you doing? I sure hope he doesn't think I'm flirting with him. I sure hope nobody in line thinks I'm flirting with him..." Tres snobby, right? I dunno, I'm the one all jazzed up about BATMAN, so it's possible I'm the bigger dweeb here. Maybe we're MFEO, us 2. I fucking hope not. Doesn't really matter, because I'm waaay too much of an uppity bitch to ever explore that scenario...
Drove through Plainfield on my way home after Best Buy. I know I've kvetched before (recently, actually) about what an exercise in tedium that is. (yep, was recent. it was just last week) I was complaining about it to Dottie and she didn't quite get why I was so vexed. She thinks it's me being impatient. "It's not a very big town" she sez"Are you some kinda leadfoot" I'm not! Not in the slightest! My average pace is: the speed limit--5mph over. Practically a geriatric driver, no? (sans that tendency to plow into busy farmer's markets ) But even though I often drive the speed limit, I have a tough time sticking to Plainfield's 30mph speed limit. And I'm not merely irked that they have this speed limit, but they're super anal about it too! They're always po-po lurking at the edge of town, waiting to ambush you. They have newly set up one of those digital "Your Speed Is:" signs that broadcasts your speed as you approach it. (Gary Gulman had a pretty funny bit about those signs, if I recall correctly) And this is the worst bit, I think-- when you drive into Plainfield the welcome sign says "WELCOME TO PLAINFIELD. PLEASE DRIVE SLOWLY." No " Enjoy your stay?" No "Thanks for stoppin' by, folks?" I think they're giving off a very shitty 1st impression. Hey, welcome to our town, a collective of naggy old farts. I can't decide if the majority of Plainfield's populace is naggy old farts or if it's families w/ young children who are particularly prone to darting unexpectedly into traffic. Seriously, the way they obsess over speed--well first off, it doesn't jive all that well with New Hampshire's very sexy "Live Free Or Die" credo--but also it makes it seem like they're reacting to some horrific rash of vehicular manslaughter or something. But I don't think anything like that ever went down there. It's redunkulous.
During this drive, Sinatra was crooning "Strangers in the Night" courtesy of my iPod. "Strangers.." is really not a fave of mine (out of Sinatra's songs) and I suspect the whole reason I imported that onto my pod was because of that part where Frankie breaks out w/ the "Doobie Doobie Dooo" I was disappointed tonight, to listen to the "Strangers in the Night" version that I've got (hadn't played that one in some time) and realize that Sinatra only "Doobie Doobie Doos" 1.5 times in my version. I swear I've heard him do that song and he draws that part out a bit. It sort of reminds me of my discontent with 50Cents's masterwork "In Da Club", how I love that song but find it would be sooo much better with an extra refrain of "Go shawty, ish yo birfday" thrown in. Is it weird for me to mention 50 Cent & Sinatra in the same paragraph? Hmm, y'know, on further reflection, I think IT IS NOT, because both gents are/were *extreme* bad asses what with their mafia ties (Frank) and 3, 4 dozen bullet wounds ($0.50) and all that. Perhaps if Frankie had lived on into the 21st century & had cranked out another "Duets" album, perhaps Fiddy would've been on there.
I like that "Dooby dooby doo" for its own merits, but also it triggers a late 90s memory for me. Remember those bizarro Bud Ice commercials with the penguins? I found 'em fairly amusing (and VERY odd) but I remember 'em fondly because I remember how my college amiga Pam used to just LOVE those commercials and she would do imitations of that psycho penguin...
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