troubled Butterscotch

THIS news item was a shocker. He seems like such a happy-g0-lucky sort of fellah. Could that have been entirely an onscreen persona??

Could it be that he somehow discovered that Luke is my fave Wilson brother?? Seems unlikely, although I have gone on record with that opinion before.

Ok, ok, ok, I should not jest. SORRY. Seriously, though, I am going to be kind of irked and disappointed if we don't learn that O has some deep seated psychological demons he's been wrestling and/or suppressing for a while. Because the alternative--that he is that despondent over breaking it off w/ Kate Hudson--that is unthinkable. Not that there's any GOOD reasons to off yourself, but that would be one of the lamest reasons ever.

bon voyage

Not much to offer up today, but I just can't commence a colossal week-long blog break without posting just 1 more post.

Yep, going on vaca starting tomorrow. Will be staying at a rented cottage on Lake Willoughby. From the rental property "dossier" I read, it looks like pretty sweet digs. However, there's no TV or computer, so unless I master the art of telekinetic blogging (I have been practicing) you'll not hear a peep outta moi until 8/27 or so. Yeah, no TV... I don't know how I feel about that. I'm torn. On the one hand, I like the idea of a real rustic hideaway and communing with nature and all that, but on the other hand is nature SOOO damn terrif that I wanna immerse myself in it 24/7?? Hmmm. I do intend to bring a heinyload of books. The cottage write-up boasted of a "fully stocked library" but I ain't gonna trust anyone else's taste in books!! The lake is reportedly pretty majestic... a glacial lake....the nth wonder of the world or somethin'. I plan to swim in it (or more accurately I will likely alternate my prize-winning backfloats with wallowing like a water buffalo...nothing so athletic as actual swimming)

Ok, totally veering off topic, but I wanted to gripe (to gripe on record, if I've not done so yet) how vexed I am by people who leave their shopping carts rolling around loose in the parking lot. I realize how absurd it is to say such people should be penalized, but if that's what it takes to instil some common f*cking decency in people, than maybe so.. Grrrr--do I ever HATE that! Ok, so maybe you had to park waaaay far away from the store...well, some bloody genius invented this phenom called "The Cart Corral" so you don't have to schlep your fat arse all the way to the curb!!! Wonders never cease, eh??

I think I should interject here (since I am griping for the record) that if these shopping cart abandoners are old duffers, or mentally handicapped or in some way infirm, then they be exempt from my wrath & disdain (although, they probably should not be out shopping on their own, they need to enlist some assistance. And ideally.... said aide would be trained in how to properly return a shopping cart when finished with it)

I got fish tacos from 99 for lunch and even though I concede that they sound kinda icky (as a matter o' fact, I got a chorus of disgusted groans when I announced my lunch pick to the office populace) I assure you they were de-fucking-LICIOUS!!! I would probably eat a poo taco if it came with enough guacamole & sour cream . Sour cream is condiment royalty, baby! And me mucho encanta the guacamole ...though I don't consider it a condiment. It's royalty of some other food class. But, I digress--- this is me, heartily recommending the fish tacos at the 99 (still on record, right??) Possibly my epicureal credibility is compromised when I proclaim that I would eat poop in a taco, so I should point out that I was totally exaggerating when I wrote that. Bit of late Friday hyperbole there...

Ciao, babies!!

SLOTH LOVE CHUNK-- UNNNNHHHH

Am pasting here a funky news item I read in the Lansing State Journal online (odd that I'm reading the Lansing State Journal, but, at any rate...)

Sloth still on the lam
OKEMOS - There was one possible sighting Wednesday of Judi Veverka's missing two-toed sloth, but as of press time, the animal remained at large.
The lead was fairly promising. Veverka described the witness as a "well-traveled woman who had seen sloths before," adding: "She was very positive of what she saw."
Veverka checked it out, but came up empty. She expected to return for another look later Wednesday.
The fact that the sighting took place about five miles from Veverka's home in the Briarwood subdivision of Okemos made her believe the pet may have been stolen, then released. On their own, sloths move very slowly.
The 15-pound sloth, Sambada, disappeared from its kennel Monday night.
Veverka got her taste for sloths while living in Brazil, where the animals are commonly kept as pets.
Veverka advises people to be on the lookout for "a weird-looking animal crawling around on its elbows and looking sad."
Veverka may be reached at (517) 347-2166, or (517) 449-9025.

I was under the impression that sloths were always in trees...coming down about once a week to drop a deuce. But for a sloth to run away? Now that's showing a remarkable amount of ambition, ain't it? Mayhap Sambada came down for his weekly #2 and could not find a satisfactory spot. Now he's wandering around suburbs of Lansing, lost, sad, apparently dragging his sad, lost self around ON HIS ELBOWS (double sad!) and probably he still has to shit. Poor fellah.

Dude -if I had a sloth, NO WAY would I name him "Sambada". Never ever... it's like a cross between Sambora & Lambada....evokes images of Heather Locklear's greeeazy ex doing THE FORBIDDEN DANCE!! Ughhh..no thank you. I think probably I'd go with "Sherman" or "Guillermo" or "Carmine" or geez, I don't know for sure but there are a thousand or so possible sloth names that are more awesomer than SAMBADA. And I wouldn't have a 2toed sloth either, I'd get a Bradypus variegatus or Brown-throated three toed sloth.

Check out this handsome cuss...

also I have a baby sloth pic...

Awwwwwww.....

Last summer, when I journeyed to the Montreal biodome, I stared at the "sloth" section in the rainforest dome for a good 20 minutes but was unable to spot neither hide nor hair (nor wickedly sharp looking but actually benevolent claw) of a sloth. What a pisser. But on the bright side, I did see a gaggle of capybaras and them guys are also pretty RAD.

What's It Gonna Beeeeee -heeee??

I watched that video again for the KABILLIONTH time and it still kills, man! "Now I got a lotta bitches to plow so you could f*ckah me later but you should f*ckah me now" HAAAAAA! SO damn funny.

Whew!! Am I ever glad to be done typing the words Hot Fuzz!! I still wanna see the movie though. . . .


Right now I'm listening to The Police Greatest Hits CD. Specifically that "Dee Doo Doo Doo Dee Daah Daah Daah" gibberish . Although as I understand it, the protagonist here has been repeatedly raped by Logic. Surely if one is bound and sexually violated by a big formless branch of philosophical study, a certain amount of incoherent chatter is forgiveable.

The shorts I'm sportin' today have 5 buttons on 'em--5!! There are two inner buttons on the left and 3 showy outer buttons on the right side. And as if that was an insufficient # of fastening mechanisms-- there's also a state-of-the-art YKK zippah. These pantalones es MAX SECURITY. It's like the shorts are compensating for the precariousness of this shirt (although I didn't plan it that way). I'm wearing this beige scoopneck shirt that flashes my bra whenever my perfect posture should falter and I slump in just the right way (or just the WRONG WAY...depending on what your attitude about seeing my bra is)

So ..I had it my nog that I wanted to see the movie Hot Fuzz (an after effect of yesterday's Simon Pegg research) . I was stoked to see the sign next to the Redbox in the vestibule of Shaws showed Hot Fuzz as one of the featured Redbox titles. But it was the ol' bait & switch my amigos!!! Lure me in with the promise of Hot Fuzz and sucker me in to renting Premonition when I find that Hot Fuzz is not --in actuality- one of that unit's proffered rentals. OK well I didn't rent Premonition after all, but I came rather close. I kinda had wanted to see that movie, primarily for the Julian McMahon factor ( I SO love him! He's from Australia too, didja know that? Could Australia really be this incredible Shangri-La rife with magnificent man-specimens?? Or do all the magnificent ones take up acting and flee the country?? Just wondering...) And then there was this couple exiting the store when I was at the Redbox (poring over the titles for the umpteenth time, verifying to myself that NO Hot Fuzz is NOT amongst the available new releases) and the hubby is like "OOOh! You're using this thing!! I've always wanted to see someone using this thing!!" And I was briefly compelled to rent Premonition just to demo for them the whole Redbox procedure. But Redbox's LIES put me in a sour mood and I took an all-or-nothing stance and said to meself "Y'know FUCK movies! If I can't get that one, I won't watch any. And F__ you too, random shoppers!!" Ok, I feel bad about that last one, even if I didn't voice it . I'm sure that they are very nice people but they had to find themselves another huckleberry as I didn't rent a thing. I have a few craft projects in the hopper and I will probably devote my evening to them.



Oh, and Wednesday night is make-dinner-for-the-folks night (new tradition) so I'll be doing that. Here be a scan of the recipe I'm going to attempt...

I need to get out to the bars

If someone was this creative in trying to pick me up --even if they were this majorly crude--I may just be powerless to resist...






SOOOOOO *&^%#$ING FUNNY!!!

odd trivia tidbits

Simon Pegg is kind of adorable. I've only seen him in 1 thing (his breakthrough flick Shaun of the Dead) but really, that is all I needed to come up with this verdict. Granted, he owes a lot to the power of the mighty Brit accent...without that , he could merely be like a Giovanni Ribisi-type figure (mild-to-moderate on the Charm Scale) but he's got that Brit import thang going for him, so that kicks him right up into the next charm bracket (Pretty Damn Charming).

So I was browsing trailers for upcoming movies on Worst Previews (awesome site...I highly recommend) and one of the movies slated for Sept is called Run Fat Boy Run. Well, that title snared my attention, so I checked it out (looks cute, but I think it's probably a rental rather than a multiplex pick) and seeing that it starred Simon Pegg, it made me muse--"Ohh, Simon Pegg..he is really kind of adorable" which moved me to hasten o'er to his write-up on IMDB wherein I discovered (titular odd trivia tidbit coming up...) he is the godfather of Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow's li'l Apple. Fancy that!!

I suppose it's a testament to Pegg's potent adorability that said trivia tidbit does not sour me on him (as I am inexplicably but seriously irked by Gwynnie)

In a barely related story... I was rather taken aback by these pics (spied on the Go Fug Yourself blog) from some mag photo shoot where Gwyneth was feeding a rat from a sippy cup. To quote the profound & defunct Otara Millionaires Club--how bizarre!

I hope she was secretly TERRIFIED.

days with Frog & Toad

this is my current desktop pic.

It pretty aptly illustrates why I so love Frog & Toad. Their books are so simple, but are really touching too. They are such well matched compadres. I relate more to Toad who has kind of funny ways about him and doesn't really have his shit together. And luckily I have these nurturing, Froggish friends who patiently put up with that.



I can envision this whole college course-- Seemingly Simple Childrens Books and Their Complex Psychological/Philosophical Subtexts.



Here are some essay questions from the semi-final (it's open book, by the way)-



1. Describe Grover's journey to self-consciousness in The Monster At The End of this Book



2. Explain how Frog and Toad personify the Chinese concept of Yin and Yang...



3. How does Responsible Rabbit's behavior color his interpersonal relations with his Sweet Pickles neighbors?

diamond Davey

of all the important news in the news nowadays, and I zero in on THIS

Why bring the Dave back? Why now? Don't get me wrong-- Dave's always been my favorite lead singer of VH, but his relations with the band have been pretty volatile for the past 20 or so years. Maybe Van Halen are trying to set an example for the rest of the world, trying to put the message out there to "give peace a chance". Or possibly, since the original bassist is being replaced by Eddie's son Wolfgang , the thinking is that with 3 Van Halens vs 1 Diamond Dave odds, Dave might take it down a notch or two (behaviorally speaking)

New to my 'Net Faves List..

This site is pretty rad. Although I feel like many of these projects are above my skill level. I may have to start out with something like, how to make a pirate hat out of newspaper (which I already know how to do, but if I crafted one while consulting extensive step-by-step instructions with photo tutorial, then maybe I would make the BEST PIRATE HAT EVERRRRR.)

Pondering whether I want to add this one to my blog sidebar.. .

Beach baby, beach baby there on the sand, from July to the end of September...

I have a sorta sun-kissed glow leftover from yesterday. Incredibly, I have an actual real tan (and not a burn) and, if I'm not mistaken, my hair is a smidge lighter too.



Saturday I drove down to Medway, MA with Roxanne for some dinner/birthday party for her friend Charlene. We crashed at the aforementioned Charlene's abode and then yesterday the three of us did a day trip to Narraganset RI (Scarborough State Beach). It was a beautiful beach...clean..and most wondrous of all, I saw a grand total of 3 seagulls while there and they were perched high atop a building (blessedly far away from yours truly...in case you did not know..I LOATHE the gulls) I "swam" in the ocean quite a bit --I say "swam" with the quote marks like that, because I am NOT a strong swimmer and really what I mostly did was float on my back like driftwood. I am a whiz at the back float. But GAWWW-- I have a new appreciation for those that can & do swim in the ocean!! I nearly got knocked on my arse a few times!! It's not the final scenes of Point Break or anything, but Narragansett has some decent waves!! Oh, and I saw some skywriting. I'm used to seeing planes towing banners while at the beach, but this was the first time I'd ever seen skywriting. It sure woulda made for a more charming anecdote if I'd read "Louise, Will You Marry Me??" (And I suppose I would've also been charmed by "Sandra Will You Marry Me??" but let it be known that really I am wanting my grand marriage proposal written out in FIREWORKS across the night sky) but that 'twas not the case. No , instead I was informed that,apparently, there is "Hot Summer Fun at Mohegan Sun". Yippy skippy.

Dots and ginger ale

is my late Friday afternoon snack. The Dots box proclaims them to be "Assorted Fruit Flavored Gumdrops"but I do not think of Dots as gumdrops. Structurally, I realize, they ARE very similar but I don't think I can accede to calling Dots gumdrops. Aesthetically gumdrops are damn adorable but how deceptive is that because truly they are vile tasting drops of grodiness. But DOTS ARE DELICIOUS!! And I don't think they're doing themselves any favors by lumpin' themselves in with that lot.

Speaking of lumpin' and lumps for that matter...I don't think "Dots" is a name that aptly conveys the nature of these delish confections. I even think LUMPS would be a better name. Ohhh if only they'd had the foresight, back in 1945 when Dots were trademarked, to know that a candy named "Lumps" or "Humps" or "Bumps" (probably even "Wumps" really) had a good chance of getting that dirty harlot Fergie to shill them on TV. Ehhh...on second thought.."Dots " is fine.

Whatcha gonna do with all them Dots? All them Dots inside that box??

I know what you're thinking-- satirical rhetorical question--right? Well, I'm going to answer it because I have a Dots trick. Of course, I ingest them orally as your average Dots consumer would, but before I do so, I MUST honor my longstanding (and HILARIOUS) tradition of making Dots chompers. I impale 3-4 Dots (ideally of all different colors) onto my top front teeth--flat side down (this is important). Often this is followed by a couple minutes of me talking in a doofy Southern accent. I did this this afternoon...poking my head into my boss's office door with a "Huhhyyuck uh hi-ya Maggie!!" She was probably wondering why the hell she hired such a huge fool. I couldn't help it, I get so punchy on Fridays and I just can't not do the Dots teeth.

recent recasts

So...BIG TV news...Whoopi Goldberg is the latest recruit on "The View". I have never been a Whoopi fan at all, so I'm not okay with this pick (well, actually I'm fine with it, because I have never been a fan of "The View" either. But if, hypothetically, I even liked the show a smidgeon, I would be miffed by this casting call) But on the bright side..this may be our chance to finally get some answers to one of the most baffling mysteries of our time. Indeed, I am going to blitz "The View " with emails and postcards until Ms Whoopi makes with the backstory on her eyebrows...or lack thereof, rather.

At one point, I'd heard Kathy Griffin's name bandied about as a possible replacement, but I knew that would never happen. It wouldn't matter if Kath was on the D list , the Q list or the negative Zlist, she is WAY too rad for that shit heap of a show.Oh but if she had been cast, I probably woulda started watching it. I also heard that Roseanne was considered. She woulda been a good choice too. Now, to the untrained eye, Roseanne wouldn't seem like much of a departure from Rosie O'Donnell, but I beg to differ. I can't stand Rosie but I like Roseanne alright. I guess the key differentiating factor for me is that Roseanne seems to be pretty mellow and laid-back in her fat crabbiness, whereas Rosie is all GRRR! and in your face.

As for recasts done right-- I'm eager to see how Drew Carey does with The Price is Right. I suspect he's going to be a good fit for that show (which I'm really glad is not going off the air)