upper lippy locks of love

In one of my new duties at work, I have to order and manage the office & medical supplies. In this job, I have somehow become right hand to Larry, our agency's Facility Czar (I'm drawing a big ol' BLANK on just what his job title is...it definitely involves the word "facility" or perhaps "facilities". "Czar" is not actually part of it, I don't think) Anyways...the one thing I know for certain about Larry is that his whole head looks wrong without a moustache. I didn't realize he was so very much, so incontrovertibly a moustache man until he just this past weekend shaved it off. And this would be fine by me and merely a source for much catty commentary if I didn't have to confer with the dude so frequently. It is all I can do not to stare at the foreign expanse of facial real estate where the moustache once thrived...oh, and there is a red nick there, just to make things extra awkward por moi. It's either a nick or like, a shaving bump..I'm not sure, as I have managed not to gaze at it for a prolonged period of time (although, I think I instead I have my eyes darting constantly about the room like I'm coming down off of a crack high or something)





This has inspired in me much moustachioed meditations...there are definitely guys who should have moustaches. For instance, I quite prefer Alex Trebek pre-shave. Oh, and Tom Selleck is a perfect poster boy for the better-WITH-stache club. I always thought Magnum PI was the foxiest mo-fo to don a Hawaiian shirt, but then the first time I saw Selleck sans 'stache I was like "BleeeeeEECH! Who is this bushy eyebrowed monster??" Anyways, why then is it unprecedented (or, to the best of my knowledge, it's unprecedented) for makeover shows to put fake moustaches on their male subjects? I think that majority of makeover show subjects (would "beneficiaries" be a better term than "subjects"? ) are still women. But, in recent years makeover shows have gotten more equal opportunity...particularly due to the influence of QE for theStraight Guy. So surely, some of these men beneficiaries in these makeovers might be improved by a moustache. If anything, the trend seems to be to get these fellahs as clean shaven as possible. I think on QE it was so that Kyan could get 3 minutes to show off his prowess with a straight razor (ironic? haa ha) OK, I'm not saying it should be "moustaches for all" but definitely for the Trebek types or the Sellecks. Oh-- and have you ever seen Sam Elliot without his moustache? It's an absolute travesty. Like a de-horned unicorn .

So if some broad was on a makeover show with some pitiable short haircut (the Dorothy Hamill perhaps) the hair gurus would outfit her with some extensions, yes? So why not makeover guys with fake 'staches? Is there some tacit stigma attached to fake moustaches? Are they considered too costumey? I mean, why don't male celebrities accessorize with them in the way that starlets clip on extensions when they need a glam red carpet coiff?