This is why I need an iPhone!!

[Alternately: Why YOU are Lucky I Don't Have an iPhone!]

Because it is hard to verbally convey the image of a pink object, approx. 2" in length, with red sort of crenellations in it, fuzzy-edged, with 2 infinitesimal specks of grey. A PHOTO of it would have just done the trick though.

But lemme go back to my dearth of adequate technology....
I have an old digital camera that I hardly ever use, on account of it having a wee tiny, teensy memory (19 photos and it's full) And it's hard to find a replacement memory card for that model. The one time I did track one down in Walmart, it was like 3x the price of all the other camera memory cards there. I was vexed and didn't buy it. So this camera is just sittin' around, collecting dust, or it would be collecting dust if it weren't for the handsome pleather carrying case I have it encased in. And its AA batteries have been dead for some time.

I could just get a new digital camera (as you can get 'em on the cheapie cheap these days) but a new & better digital camera wouldn't be charged up & onhand at all times like a phone is. That's an important thing, believe it or not. I mean, for example (one example of several) I kept seeing this pick up truck on the roads that had a top half of a lady-mannequin stuck to the roof of it and NOBODY believed me. And no, I don't have a camera on my current cell. It just so happens my cell is an antiquated p.o.s. also. So the iPhone is just the clear solution. It's simply the best solution for me and NO ..this has nothing to do with my sis just getting one and me being maaaad jealous.

My primary method of picture taking now is my Flip cam, which, when I download the vids I take on that onto my computer, I can make screen cap snapshots. But that does not make for a quality photo. Oh, and I can also do snapshots with the web cam on my laptop. That's really only good for the singular purpose of snapping FB profile headshots. And I was hardly about to fire up my laptop and go hold it over my toilet.

Oh, yeah, that's where I came upon this "pink object, approx. 2" in length, with red sort of crenellations in it, fuzzy-edged, with 2 infinitesimal specks of grey" ...it was floating in my toilet. Yesterday, I went home from work, read 2 chapters of my library book and then nodded off and napped for an hour and a half. It was my bladder that woke me up. So I got up, hastened to el bano and...encountered a mystery thingie floating in my toilet. I don't know why, when encountered with an object that I don't know what it is, my mind always, immediately goes to "BLAARRRGH-grody!!" but it does. And I don't know why I am then compelled to blog about it, but I have a

history of that

. In fact, I confess, I wasn't just hit with a general wave of repulsion, I had the very specific thought "AAAGH!! It's the spine ripped out of a mouse!!"

I KNOW! I'M AN UTTER WACKADOO!!

I have had mice visit my abode on numerous occasions. This is historical fact. Once I found a storehouse of sesame seeds in my left winter boot. But this...this is a new development--a malevolent hobgoblin that feeds on my house-mice and/or EVISCERATES them for kicks (and then politely reposits the carnal debris in the loo). Ok, after about 15sec or so, my rational mind piped up, and said "It's probably some bit of garbage or a hair-styling oddment that got somehow knocked into the toilet...and it's unidentifiable because of how things get all bloat-distorted when they've been in water for a while.." But I could not specifically think of what it really could be, as I stood there. Staring at it. Incapacitated. I thought to grab my tweezers and pull it out. But I really was incapacitated with repulsion. Oh, and btw, anything that is grossing you out with its icky unrecognizability is 10X ickier if it's floating in a toilet. Because some, fucked-up, sci-fi lovin' part of you is going to wonder if you went into a fugue state and shat out something bizarre. Ohhhh,it only flickered through my noggin for a half nanosecond!! And it was theory #2...after the mouse spine notion.

I was strongly compelled to just flush it. I mean, that would be the easiest denoument here, but I had a faint worry that it was not something I should be flushing down the toilet. I don't want to damage my toilet...which happens to be a fairly new one. Really, I don't relish contact with my landlord at all. For anything. I especially don't want to have to go knock on the door and say, " Hey Mike, the toilet is all fucked up as I tried to flush down this GRRROOSS mouse spine thingy I found in it and it must be jammed in the pipes somewhere 'cause it ain't flushing now." I was gonna tweeze it out (or maybe just pinch it with the tweezers..to get an idea of texture) but I didn't really want to get closer to it, or manipulate it in any way (using my bare or gloved hands was instantly ruled out!!) even with tweezers...oh also- I use those tweezers on my face.

Y'know there were probably a hundred other makeshift fishing implements within my bathroom, a thousand in my whole apartment, but my mind was too damn preoccupied with being bat guano loco to think resourcefully. And so I flushed it. And that is the end of my story. Except the memory of it haunted me all night: what WAS that? What the fuuuuuck?

In the spirit of exposing myself as the complete nutter I am, I am going to share with y'all the new profile pic I put on Facebook. You'll remember the last pic was aimed at glorifying my glamorous new gel tips. Well, these nails of mine are not only in baa-aa-aad need of a fill, but 2 of the tips broke off on my right hand. Not so glam now. But at least I don't hurt meself picking my nose anymore. JUST KIDDING (or am I??)!!!!!
Since I don't feel like my nails need to be celebrated now, I thought I'd change my profile pic. I took a shot of myself in McDonalds, doing my patented French Fry Vampire character. OK, well I don't have it patented ...yet. But it's this thing I do. In fact, it's not the only picture I have of myself on FB doing the French Fry Vampire. But it's the only one of me doing it with my funky headphones on, so this one is "DJ French Fry Vampire"

Yes, yes, I DO know I look like a moron. But I looked at the resulting snap and it made me GUFFAW, so I couldn't keep it to myself. It's damned commendable, I say. I am willing to sacrifice vanity entirely for the amusement of others. Selfless!!

Upon further reflection, with those nails and scary bug-eyed face I'm doing, I don't so much look like a vamp in the tradition of Christopher Lee, but more like Max Shreck as Nosferatu (spooky visual aid).
Boy, I could really do a killer Nosferatu if I combined French Fry Vampire with this custom I have when I eat Bugles of putting 'em on all my fingertips. I guess that just hadn't occurred to me previously since there hasn't been an occasion where I'm been eating McDonald's and Bugles simultaneously. Rather proud of that fact, actually. But still, that would be funny, eh?