I think because I went into the adventure with abysmal expectations, with a smallish bowling ball of dread in my gut (like a bocce ball of dread), I'm viewing a draw as a rather favourable outcome. So much so that I would go to another speed dating fete if the organizers decide to do it again. The WGXL/ KIXX people that were there said they were pleased with the turnout and were considering making it a regular thing.
The turnout was better than I expected (though, as I've said, my expectations were none too lofty) but still not ideal for us distaff attendees. There was a total of 29 speed daters there--11 of them were men. So yeah, I'm kinda rooting for them to hold another one, as I'd like to give it another go with a new mix of minglers, better male attendance, and a spiffier venue. It was held in this restaurant called Shepard's Pie, in their new function room. The atmosphere was BLECCCH! Low-ceilinged & low-rent. True, said function room is in the basement of the restaurant, but they could've attempted *something* to make the place less basement-y.
So what dissolved my gut-dwelling dreadball was this reassuring realization that came over me shortly after things got underway. None of the guys seemed to know what the hell they were doing there. It occurred to me that everyone of us was equally pathetic. This gave me a comforting hey-we're-all-in-the-same-boat sorta feeling . So, that epiphany calmed me down.. . .that epiphany and 3 gin & tonics.
I realize it's called "speed-dating" but I think 5 minutes per beau is a bit too speedy. I had presumed we were allotted 10 minute "dates" and I think that would have been better. Y'see I was unable to follow the advice I had given to myself... In lieu of prepping any interesting anecdotes or dazzling biographical bulletpoints, I just counselled meself: " Be a good listener. Try to appear genuinely engaged in what they are saying even if you have to fake it and probably you will. Do not succumb to verbal diarrhea" I am HIGHLY prone to verbal diarrhea in nervous situations. Now, I really did expunge all my butterflies very early on. So I suppose what verbal diarrhea that I did succumb to was attributable to the ridiculous time constraints... and the 3 gin and tonics. But I really didn't blather on as badly as I am capable of blathering. But there were just some guys that were not innately forthcoming unless I took the conversational lead. I could not abide awkward silences...I've just got a mere 5min to determine if we are MFEO!!! Normally, I would wait for you to gain social footing , buddy, truly I would...
Some scraps of detail--
The cutest guy there made a bad impression on me fairly quickly. I said some expression and then second-guessed myself that I used it correctly, confessed that I would probably check later to ensure that I had (yeeeahh, this was probably a wee lapse into nerves-induced verbal-d…I mean, he *was* pretty cute…) But then he says something like “Ehhh… I just feel like, if you feel like a word means something then that’s what it means.” Uh, pardon? I’m all for new word invention, but as for free interpretation of preexisting words? I’m not down with that, chief. I think I followed up with “ Ahh..and are you a creative speller too?”
Maybe I did skew slightly snotty. My lead question ( Linette emailed me that morning that we needed to have questions prepared. I was all, “What?? I can’t even think @ work…even if I had time to!!” So she very nicely printed up some off the internet for me, and on the ride over there, I picked some that looked good... also cranked out 2 or 3 of my own. It turned out that half the people there didn't have any questions ..so even preparing at the last minute, I felt like some poindexter overachiever. Also..pardon my COLOSSAL parenthetical tangent. Way too long!!) my lead question was "Read the book? Or see the movie? Perhaps both?" Well, that's not verbatim.... I stayed away from the word "perhaps" I like people to know me for more than 5 minutes before I let on that I'm hellah pretentious. It was not my most *crucial* question, but I thought it was a good opener. And I won't say I conclusively RULED OUT anyone who gave me a bad answer to that...but hearing "Mehh. I don't really read"..that gives me a pretty inauspicious vibe.
Linette's favorite question--that she used on everybody (truly--anybody & everybody!) was this: "ALIENS HAVE LANDED AND ONE ASKS YOU TO GO BACK TO THEIR HOME PLANET WITH THEM. DO YOU GO?" I write this in all caps because Linette has this tendency to yell-talk. It's funny to me that all the uber-gregarious people I know are also yell-talkers. You see, you'd think they would be, with my shy amigos talking low and/ or mumbly...but that actually being the case feels too sensical to be true, y'know? So those are two biographical nuggets about Linette you should know-- she's uber-gregarious (which made her a hell of a choice for a speed dating "wingman"--damned funny, really) and she often uses her outdoors voice when indoors....which is how I knew she was asking everyone that alien question. If I hadn't heard, I would have guessed she asked the hell out of it...when we were comparing questions before the event, she was clearly delighted with that one. She found it very telling of a potential suitor. What she was looking for was an unhesitating, emphatic "Yes!!" as that shows bravery and a sense of adventure. Yeah, that's all well and good, but there's a fine line between a sense of adventure and stupidity. The question provides absolutely NO backstory on these aliens...they could look like Predator, or talk like Charlie Sheen or be horrifying in some other fashion!! And y'know, even if they were adorable li'l E.T.s I still would not go. Outer space is f-ing SCARY!! Have you seen Event Horizon??
Here are the other questions I had (or the ones I can recollect anyway)-
*what would you say is your best quality? Is there any quality you'd like to cultivate more in yourself?
*What i s your dream job?
* What is your dream vacation?
*Your house is on fire--presuming all humans & animals are out safe, what do you save?
Oh, one exchange that stands out in my memory (and not everything does stand out..I think Tanqueray makes for nice, blurry-edged, nonspecific memories) was where I sort of unthinkingly lapsed into French at one point. I do that from time to time...sometimes with Latin....but bad move that night since, you'll recall, I was trying to keep my chronic pretension on the d.l. I had asked this guy- "What do you enjoy most?" And he said (approx.) "Oh, I like dining out with friends and family. I like entertaining.." and I pipe up "Ah, so you're a something of a bon vivant" His "Uh. Yeah." reply hinted at a misstep, but the blank stare really confirmed it.
The whole scenario kinda sparked in me this compulsion for mischief and I kept thinking of really bizarro, subversive shit I could do...but I didn't want to sabotage myself, so between "dates" I kept suggesting to Linette that she do this crap (for instance -- say everything to this guy in rhyming couplets OR ask surreal, nonsensical questions like "Armadillo? Or stapler?") thinking Linette was just loco enough to try it, but, alas, I couldn't get her to do my bidding.
I'd have to say, the best conversationalist there was this retired Navy guy. But .. perhaps it's haughty of me, ..I just couldn't see myself with a sexy sextagenarian. He wasn't that sexy, really, I just fancied a bit o' word play there. Not that he was just awful and decrepit and lugging around an oxygen tank. He was definitely of the "silver fox" ilk ...like that gents Blanche Devereaux used to schtupp. I was thinking...look at that chick that's marrying Hugh Hefner...I've got like 10 years on her (almost!) so she's either way more open-minded than me (or, if common opinion is to be believed, she is superhumanly devoted to grabbin' that financial security) So who am I to be so damn choosy? Ah, well nevertheless I am, and grandpa was not granted my digits.
In fact nobody was...and I didn't get anybody's digits. But I'm ok with that because : a) there wasn't much contact info swapping going on in the room from what I witnessed. (with only 11 guys, there was a big lull while waiting for the procession of men to make its way back to my side of the basement--during which I spied on other dates) b) I don't really regret that any of those guys don't have my number.
So...I realize that that sounds like a ginormo ZERO on the scoreboard that I am okay with because I have complacent loser mentality, but... I really don't feel it was futile. Overall, I HAD FUN ( oh yeah--we went to a bar after the speed dating thang wrapped) and that's key. Really, I'm just glad that I had the stones to try it....overcame some initial trepidation, and sorta "limbered up" in a sense. I stretched my mingling muscles, flexed my flirting tendons (tendons? oh really? Rhetorical note: analogy + contrived alliteration = FAIL) So, not an utter waste of a Thursday night. It's especially good that I had fun, since after some numero-crunching on Sunday, I came to the shitty conclusion that I absolutely can't afford to do anything fun for *weeks*.
Ohhhh, BALLS.
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