chicks 'n' tix

I was driving home tonight and spotted a yard full of chickens, sans coop, totally uncontained by any fencing...uber-free range, eh? Which is just delightful for these chickens, until they figure out that they are on a major class 1 road in the center of town, and they are going to find that out THE HARD WAY, brutha!! If one of those chickens toddled across the sidewalk and into the path of my vehicle, not only would I NOT swerve to miss it, I would take that roadkill home and fricasse the baaastid.

It's not so much that I'm bothered by the notion of vehicular poultryslaughter, but I am just perplexed at these people whose house is practically rubbing up against their neighbors', they have a lot that's 1/64th of an acre and they say, " Gosh, we've got a good place for rearin' up some farm animals here, don't we?"


No. No, you don't.


In other critter news, tick season is upon us again (so BE ON GUARD!) No, I don't get any special newsletters, rather, I came to this conclusion when I plucked a ginormo tick off of Boogerbear the wonder cat. So I had this fatty tick pinched between my tweezers and I was waving it around and doing a sort of impromptu show & tell but then I didn't really know the officially sanctioned S.O.P. for tick disposal. My dad said to just throw it in the garbage, but that felt wrong to me. My What Wouldn't a Horror Movie Chick Do? behavioral code kicking in there, perhaps. One ought to consider in every sitch what a chick in a horror movie would do, and do the total opposite, because horror movie chicks invariably make the most RUHtarded decisions. So, no thank you, I will NOT throw the presumed-dead tick in the garbage so it can sneak its way out and surreptitiously muckle on to me to later exact its revenge when I am least expecting it. I didn't just fall off the rutabaga truck this morning, brutha. (in case you's wondering, I am channeling Hulk Hogan somewhat, yes)


It just so happened I was in the garage with the bastard tick, a good venue to work my resourceful adlibbin' magic. I ripped off a bit of duct tape--roughly 2"x3"--and placed this, sticky side up on top of the bench vise , and then stuck the tick on one side of the tape. I folded the duct tape over the victim, and then I SMASHED him with a ball peen hammer. The smashing was superfluous, I suppose. I was avenging my poor, darling, supped-on cat. I then threw the square of duct tape in the garbage.

My sister said it's when ticks burst that Lyme disease is spread...so it's sliiiightly possible that I'm a big plague-monger, but I think I was pretty fastidious about the whole operation, it's unlikely that I'm guilty of Lymey-D propagation..

My aunt's cat is apt to be quite tick-riddled and she said (it was a big family tick symposium-me, my aunt, my sister...pretty fascinating conversationalists, our lot) that she flushes all ticks she plucks. Now that really runs afoul of WWAHMCD? logic. I mean, if you happened to pluck that very spiteful, greatly ambitious uber-tick...well, he'd have pretty spectacular means for revenge now wouldn't he??