Don't worry, I'm not gonna be a hogger. (not this time)
At my office, we have 4 single seater potties (just a toilet & sink in the room, no stalls) --2 in the front half of the building and 2 in the back half. In the second of the 2 back bathrooms I hid a makeup bag in the spare TP cabinet. I have recently taken to locking myself in that bathroom --around 10am--and spending 5-10minutes beautifying. Oh, okay, SURE, I suppose I could take a few extra minutes in the morning and "put my face on " before work. But I figure, if half my office is taking 4 or 5 cig breaks a day, and just strolling out to the far side of the parking lot to loiter and devastate their poor lungs, then my 5-10 minutes are totally justifiable. I mean, at least my breaks are beneficial..to me, and to everyone who has to look at my sorry mug.
So, I just bought some liquid eyeliner this past weekend. First of all, it was e.l.f. brand, and all that stuff is just a dollar at Kmart. Secondly, I have *always* done a pencil eyeliner and wanted to try somethin' new. Liquid eyeliner is supposed to be good for doing precise lines. Ok, well the kinda shitty thing about precise lines is that if you don't have an utterly steady-Eddie hand, your liner looks kinda horrendous. With my usual pencil liner, I swipe a quick swipe in the approximate correct vicinity, and if my line is less than flawless, I just smudge it up a bit and it looks more or less OK. Not so with the liquid liner. Oh, and yesterday I got a large splotch of liner right on my eyeball (the right one) and the cleanup procedure there is rather nasty. UGH. But I'm much improved today. So I will continue on with the liquid liner..in the hopes of bettering my technique.
Oh, but is liquid liner supposed to SMELL so? This stuff I got reeks a kinda gasolinish stench.
Even though I think myself completely justified in my a.m. "beauty breaks", I think perhaps I oughtta cover my tracks by starting a rumor that I have I.B.S. Probably the most natural locale in which to let fly with this faux info would be right at the Keurig machine. As in : "Oh, I do so enjoy my tasty a.m. coffee, but dang it, does it ever raise heck with my IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME!! Heh, heh, heh..those pesky bowels of mine!!"
On my last bathroom trip of the day, I was suddenly inspired to try to fold the bottom edge of the T.P. into an artful little point, like they do in hotel room pottys. I failed pretty badly, but my attempts amused me more than they should have. I find that whole custom inordinately fascinating. According to the wikipedia page about it, it's primarily meant as a signal that your bathroom has been cleaned. I dunno. When I mull it over, what it really means is that some maid's grubby fingers have been doing extensive fumbling with my T.P. So if I were a germophobe, I would not be charmed in the slightest by the TP point practice. As it happens, I am probably too much at the other end of the germ-fear spectrum. I am a consummate double dipper, an only sporadic user of toilet seat covers (they get stuck in the ass crack, if you must know) it's a minor miracle that I have yet to come down with the H1N1 ...
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