All The News That's Fit To Blog. . .

You wouldn't guess it from the frothy tone of this here blog, but I do actually follow the news.  It's a perfunctory &peripheral sort of following, but nonetheless....I am not entirely oblivious to current events.

Thought I'd blather a bit about what news items  have caught my eye this month...

I suppose the most "hard-hitting"& legit of my picks would be Joe Biden on the campaign trail in Ohio.  It was the accompanying AP photo, and notsomuch the article that reeled me in here.

Scope it out--

Now I'm staunchly on the fence, politically speaking.  But I don't find myself appalled that Biden is kind of a wild card..that he's known to say something a little outta left field from time-to-time.  As long as he doesn't say anything MEAN or grammatically flawed or blatantly stupid, then I think it makes him endearingly human.  This faux pas though...not very endearing. HE LOOKS LIKE A CREEPER!! I mean, I suppose if Marge is cool with it, then he's technically not a creeper but...eww. Personal space, man.  Who the hell gets *that* nuzzley with someone they just met?
What really  makes this snapshot primo is the facial expressions of the two biker dudes.  The older guy...just...not impressed. And with young Son of Anarchy (at left)  I can just hear the repulsed "Oh, EWWww." that he is suppressing. Haa.

Incidentally, this was snapped moments before Biden dropped some coinage into the juke, fired up "Tequila", and did an EPIC dance atop the bar.

Does celebrity news count as news? Probably not, I suppose.  Nevertheless, the dreadful union of Ryan Reynolds & Blake Lively hath snagged my attention. I wouldn't say I've been a Blake Lively fan, I've been indifferent to her, if anything.  She had seemed a nice enough girl though.  But how unbelievably RUDE to marry this guy that I called dibs on back in...ohhhh...whenever it was his 1st marriage hit the skids.  Like, if she had consulted me, I may have begrudgingly assented but...not so much as a Facebook wall message from Blake. That just isn't done. Her grasp etiquette of etiquette is direly inadequate!!!
 Bitch.

Actually I do think Ry Ren has made bride upgrade this time around.  Scarlett Johanssen irks the hell outta me for some reason I cannot quite pinpoint. But how cheezy that they wed where 'The Notebook' was filmed?? I'm sure Boone Hall Plantation is uber-gorg. but there's no way (I don't think) that it's coincidental that's also the setting in The Notebook.  And if you MUST opt for a movie locale as a wedding venue, then show some damn igenuity, wouldja?  I mean-- ALL CHICKS LOOOOVVVE 'The Notebook'. Could you be any more trite, Blakey? 
'Kay ..I feel a brief tangent is warranted re: my implicit dis of 'The Notebook'.  Look, I like a romantic movie as much as ANY chica.  The movie is undeniably romantic. But cha know what else  it is??? Fucking depressing!!  I like my schmoop fix without the side of Alzheimers, please.  Something like Last Tango in Paris  is more my cup o' tea...or, uhh, dish o' butter I should say. Ha haa ha...*
Now, I quite like the look of the place where Reynolds had his first wedding: Clayoquot Wilderness Retreat in British Columbia.

So, in summation, bride upgrade, venue downgrade, I have every hope he'll get all  high marks in his third attempt.

Lastly, THIS is in the running to be my *fave* news item of all of 2012. I find it remarkable that he didn't just stuff a loris in his pants, he stashed the critter RIGHT. IN. HIS. GONCH*.  That's ratcheting up the intimacy factor considerably, eh? As soon as I read that, I emailed it out to some chums, my subject header being "Slender's OK, as long as you know how to use your loris"  I mean, I had to go with sophomoric phallus humor, but I felt like "Izzat a Loris In Yer Pants Or RU Just Happy to See Me?" was waaaaaay, way  too obvi.

*I am totally jesting about my go-to romantic movie.  It's NOT 'The Notebook'--or any other Nicholas Sparks dreck, but it sure as hell ain't 'Last Tango' either!!
* I just learned that bit o' slang today.  I get email sales from Fab.com and they peddle whimsical undergear by a company called Ginch Gonch and that name amused me immensely.  I thought--I bet they didn't just arbitrarily string together some goofy sounding syllables--I bet that means something. But what?? I hit up Urban Dictionary and the concensus there seems to be that both "Ginch" & "Gonch" ="underwear"  Funny, funny! And bonus: it sounds like it would mean something way nastier....

Random Screen Shots

I have Urban Dictionary as a bookmarked site on my phone.  It can prove rather handy.  Say you are driving and your favorite Soulja Boy song comes on the radio (Blecch...there's no accounting  for taste, I 'spose)  and you become overwhelmingly perplexed by whatever could Soulja mean by "Superman dat ho" ?  Well, you could use Urban Dictionary to figure that one out.  It's on there.  I DO NOT advise looking it up, but it's on there.

So like I said, the site can come in handy...but I take the info on there with a big grain o' salt.   Like, I've have browsed o'er definitions on there and I really can't imagine real humans having a real-life conversation that is peppered with that jargon.

So Urban Dictionary sez to me: "Look up anything, like your city".  My city? Hey, look,I'm not  really into discovering how my beloved hometown is a  warped euphemism for sharting during sex.  I don't wanna know that!!  That verbage though, in particular, their use of "anything" reads like a CHALLENGE to me.  And actually it is pretty tricky to throw somethin' in that search field that won't surprise you with some  rude and/or filthy secret connotation.  That screen shot there is me trying to stump UD.  Aglet has a rude meaning (supposedly).  Didn't stump it with "spatula " either (ewww). 

However there is no Urban definition of "Pachalafaka".  That was a relief because it would be a damn shame for these UD creeps to sully one of my silly old Muppet Show memories.  That song was on the very first season of the Muppets.  And apparently, the Muppets stole it from Soupy Sales (see below) 


So, yeah,  don't fret...it might be some myseriouso gibberish, but I've looked into it and it's nothing untowards.

In Lieu of an Actual Gift...

Last Thursday was the birthday of my work compadre Paul.  I totally forgot that it was his birthday until late morning, and I only remembered it then because I had smuggled my phone into the bathroom and took a quick hit of Facebook.  I know hundreds of people (a regular socialite,fer sure) but truthfully I only remember about 10 birthdays via my own brainpower.  Sooo yeah, birthday naggin' --that's one Facebook positive (to counteract the countless FB evils).

Anyways, I'd spoken to Paul numerous times by 11am, never once mentioning his b-day, so it was quite clear that I was oblivious to it.  And it's not as if Paul is going to get to make out with Jake Ryan on a table over a giant birthday cake that evening...so I felt bad.

I had happened to read that a.m. , the Wikipedia write up of Sept 6th.  It's this  NERDY workday custom of mine...I read the list of historical anniversaries du jour & famous birthdays. Yeah, yeah, yeah, scoff all you wanna now, but perhaps someday I'll be in a hostage situation, and I'll just up and blurt out, "You can't shoot me today!! Today marks the 30th anniversary of Wayland Flowers & Madame's debut on Solid Gold!!"  And --oh yes--I WILL be spared.   Who would ever snuff out such a font of quirk and knowledge?

But back to Paul's birthday.. . .due to my wiki habit, I happened to know that Paul shared a birthday with Max Schreck , the creepy mysterious German actor who played the titular role in Noseferatu (1922)  You'd have to know Paul to understand what wondrous serrendipity this is.  There is no better patron celebrity for this guy.  And Paul was also pleased to learn this. He posted it on his Facebook wall.  But he neglected--tragically-- to post the MS Paint masterpiece I made for him (on work time, please note,  so it wasn't just a gift of my artistry, but it was also a sacrifice of my professional integrity as a cubicle-bound minion drone).

I used the original (and intensely creepy) Nosferatu publicity still from Schreck's Wiki bio--

 

And I added some b-day flair....

 

Downright lovable, no??

Bluppets

I saw these in Kmart the other day. I was trekking on up to the checkouts and had actually passed them by but the sight of 'em actually made me throw it into reverse 3 paces and pull a classic double take. WHAAAA? ?  

I mean, it's not just cynical / warped me is it?  I think it is empirical fact: The Cuddleuppets look STONED OUTTA THEIR EVER-LOVIN' GOURDS.

I  just can't fabricate a witty caption for this.  'Cuz I know exactly what is being said here...I just know it.  The dialogue--

PINK POODLE: Duuuuuude...
BROWN BEAR: I KNOW! Dude. Totally.


They can't possibly be having any other conversation.

By the way, I would like the alligator one.  Possibly the blue elephant, if Gator is n/a  I also think, if I could acquire one on the cheapie cheap, it would be a hoot to present one as a gift to my canine-nephew, Bo. 
Well, not just any Cuddleuppet (I'll grant, that is  a clever name..but there's just something about "Bluppet" I like more)  I would give Bo the yellow doggy the yellow doggy Cuddleuppet.  Bo, snuggling a stoned caricature of himself (or gnawing its head off)....I'd find that rather amusing.  Not 20 bucks worth of amusing though!!

Separated at birth?????