I'll have the mashed cauliflower and a Slice,please

Tonight I went out for pizza and then I watched some mixed martial arts cage match-a-palooza dealie. This event, to be specific. Not my usual fare, but I actually got pretty into it. I didn't catch the chick fight, only Smith vs. Lawler & Slice vs. Thompson. It's astounding that these fighters don't wind up brain damaged. OK, well I suppose some of them do, but it really seems to me that ALL of them would. If not with brain damage, then with some paralyzing neck injury.

I guess I'm just warning my beloved readership that if any of 'em are considering the glamorous world of mixed martial arts (mma) then they need to contemplate that career change thoroughly and at great length. Because mma is not just scary, it's mucho DANGERMOUSE! Not to mention ouchy.

I was watching Scott Smith being interviewed post-fight and I was saying...there's something off about that left ear...isn't there? I never got a good look so I couldn't quite tell if he had some sort of deformity or just one run-of-the-mill floppy Dumbo ear. But with James "the Colossus" Thompson there was no uncertainty...dude had a ginormous cauliflower ear. I'd heard the term "cauliflower ear " before but had never actually beheld one before. It's not as charmingly whimsical as it sounds, lemme tell youse. It's GRODY. There you go--there you have a specific reason to pass on that career in mma, amigos. You could severely fuck up one or both of your ears. . .get a real unattractive Elephant Man sort of makeover to the aural region of your head.
And with James Thompson, it was really a shame. He gave this pre-fight interview, not a full-fledged interview, really, just a little schpiel about how he weren't afraid o' no Kimbo Slice (yes, that's right: KIMBO SLICE. Where will you be ranking that on your list of most wackadoo names ever? C'mon now, it's gotta be somewhere in the top 10...) and he was going to wreck him. It was a real quick little snippet, too quick for me to spot his fucked up ear but long enough for me to notice that Thompson has a thuggy UK accent that I find maaad hot. Well, he is from Manchester (Manchester, England, England...across the Atlantic Seeeeeaa..) And foxy accent aside, he is a handsome guy. But that ear. UGH! I was kinda fixated on it. It was especially repugnant when transmitted widescreen LCD hi-def splendor.

And guess how the fight ended? With Kimbo punching him in the cauliflower ear causing it to POP and gush blood. Apparently that counts as a TKO. I don't quite get why. Even with his ear all 'sploded and bloody, Thompson still had some fight in him. Hell, he lunged at the ref when the ref interceded to stop the fight.

I was bummed about the outcome. I wanted Colossus to win. I mean, man if he got that flesh gourd on the side of his head reconstructed to resemble a human ear again, well then, I would totally be his groupie. I could find nary a scrap of info about Thompson online. Kimbo Slice, on the other hand, is apparently a big fat overhyped deal. Tonight's fight was only his 3rd professional mma fight and yet he's easily the best known fighter in the sport. Doesn't seem fair, y'know? What the hell kind of name is that? It's sounds like a kooky tropical twist on my favorite lemon-lime soft drink (except that Slice would not be my favorite lemon-lime soft drink...I suspect that Fresca would. Generally, I tend to be more of a cola girl anyways. Hey, do they even sell Slice anymore??) This dude's real name (sez Wikipedia) is Kevin Ferguson, and sadly, his eccentric taste in names has been applied not just to his nom de guerre but also to his poor kids. Dude has 3 sons and 3 daughters. Shades of George Foreman-- 2 of his sons are named Kevin. You might guess his other son counts himself lucky but nooo,he probably dreams of being Kevin #3. Instead, he is named Kevlar. Yep. Like the vests. Oh, and one of his daughters is named Kevina. That's just horrid.
And don't even get me started on his hair....