H & G

Me surveying my finished peeps in my workshop/parent's garage...

I have got to shake this dumbass tendency I have to provide background narration of "HMMMM hmm hmm hmmmmm" It's like I feel that running commentary is a must, but I can't really think of any worthwhile comment at times, and so I go with "HMMM hmmm humm hummmm"

Dear Ralph Macchio...

I'm sorry that I used to scoff at my cousin Denise when she used to buy Tiger Beat because you were on the cover. I'm sorry that I found you underwhelming / uninteresting when you were on (RIP) Ugly Betty. This video is all I need to convince me that I have misjudged you; you are, in fact, all sorts of rad

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio from Ralph Macchio

mystery pic

One of my 2010 wall calendars is of Art Nouveau paintings. Some of them I find not so Art Nouveau-ish, but most of the selections are pretty lovely. I particularly liked April, I liked it so much, that I left it up thru most of May. May was about 3/4 through when I took the calendar down and scanned the April pic. But I was very disappointed that *nowhere* on the calendar is the artwork's name or creator mentioned.

Anyways, without further blather, the mystery pic---

Hey kiddies. If I've seemed a smidge derelict in my blogging duties, blame it on Hansel & Gretel. This past weekend was WHS Alumni Weekend and this year happens to be my 15th alumni year. We had to put a float in the alum parade (parade theme :fairy tales or nursery rhymes). Well, I suppose we didn't **HAVE** to do something for the parade (class of 1985 did absolutely nada for alumni this year.. . .losers) but a small contingent of us felt like we oughtta. A small contingent from a small class...I'm not gonna name names or point fingers (BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!*) but only about 1/6 of our class worked on this thing. It's a good thing we had Phil, who is in the carpentry/construction trade. He pretty much built the candy house on his own. We pitched in on painting & embellishments & such, but he did all the structural work. He was amazing. Liz was the major organizing force (also amazing...and slightly annoying in a way I can't quite articulate). And my assignment was Hansel & Gretel. Liz had talked about using a projector to blow up an image of H&G, then trace that projected image onto big paper, paste the big paper onto cardboard...basically to make cardboard cutout Hansel & Gretel. I'm sure I am partly influenced by the 3D mania that is monopolizing the cinemas these days, but this cardboard cut-out notion struck me as a little lame-ish and shabby. But, instead of pointing at Liz and yelling "LAAAAAME! SHABBY!!!" I just said "Well, can't we do something more 3D, like with papier mache?" To which Liz retorted , "Can you make 2 people out of papier mache?" Ohhhh SNAP. This is why it doesn't pay to contribute to the conversation. And that is how Hansel and Gretel became solely my bailiwick. (not the best verbage that, but bailiwick is a f-ing kickarse word and I was suddenly very compelled to bust it out there)



So I have spent the 1st half of June making papier mache people and then doing general float work on Tues & Thurs nights. Ok, well the people aren't entirely papier mache (only head, arms & legs) if I did 100% papier mache, I suspect I'd still be waiting for that shit to dry. To be utterly precise, Hansel and Gretel were: papier mache, paint, chicken wire, wood, newspapers, brown & white gingham patterned cotton, cheap Family Dollar kiddie shoes spray painted brown, ribbon, brown dyed mop heads, one of my old white tees, Crazy glue, Hot glue, spray adhesive, zip ties and Mighty Putty (not necessarily in that order). I say "were", because a few of us (me, Phil, and Liz...natch) gathered this past Monday night to demolish the float and I put H& G in the cardboard burn pile. My Dad was appalled that I sent them off to their doom. But, like I sez to him, I sez -- I got footage for all posterity of my crafting triumph, I can keep that. What the hell would I do with two 3ft high characters? A little too elaborate to repurpose as doorstops, thems.



So yeah, not only did I shoot a quickie vid of H&G in the garage-workshop that birthed them (just minutes after I'd finished up) , I also have about 4 minutes of group float work (the Fri night before the parade) and also I had my niece film the whole alumni parade (approx 19minutes...seems like 5 min of that being clowns on mini wheelie ATVs) So if you wanna see any of that, lemme know. Say the words and I will post that shit (otherwise, I'll not waste time uploading)

In the afternoon, our class had a small, chillaxed, boozy BBQ, which I popped into after my apres-parade nap. That was nice. And then that night, the all-alumni party at the Mountain. That was marvy. I had the good sense to *not* bring my flip cam to that ( obviously a pretty ginormo potential for disaster in that idea) There were a few, uhhh, snafus. I got in a minor tiff with my sis (but it was minor. . and we made up by the end of the night) I had an embarrassing mudbutt episode in the constantly packed ladies room (but just the one episode...and I camped out in that damn stall, courtesy-flushing away until there came--quite miraculously--a 3 second lull in traffic. Like, I figure it was too minor a crisis for GOD to have intervened, but perhaps a miracle granting apprentice of some sort was at work there. Is there a patron saint of drunken diarrhea, I wonder??) Anyways, overall, it was a hell of a lotta fun. I'm already stoked for next year!! But if my sister asks me to be her DD (will be her 20th year ) then, I'm sorry...feck that...I will be scraping together a taxi fund.

* this parenthetical scorn is futile... as none of my h.s. classmates read this blog. Unless they psychically intuited its existence, that all caps hint of disapproval is totally in vain

LCS--I call BULLSHEIZER!!

Heidy-hooo..anybody out there watching Season 7 of Last Comic Standing?? If you haven't been, you can catch up-- it's only 2 episodes in (though the premier was double length) and the full eps are available on the NBC website. And you *should* catch up-- it is the only MUST must-see TV of the summer (sez ME and I am the authority on good taste)

Anyways, they had some great picks from the NYC auditions--Mike DeStefano was terrific, Kirk Metzger very good. Plus, I was especially pleased that Tommy Johnagin was picked. He's very funny in a smart sort of way, I remember him popping up in a previous season and he was passed over then and I was appalled.

But the travesty of justice I alluded to previously was them not picking Jared Logan. He was excellent in both his try-out and the night's showcase. He kinda reminds me of Sean Cullen, who I thought was so weird & quirky (awesomely so) back in season 6. They could have made room for Logan, I mean, out of the 4 chicks that got picked, only 1 of them was very funny (Jamie Lee). Roy Wood Jr wasn't all that great. Y'know, I really liked all of Logan's material, despite the fact I think I've heard it before. He might have had a Comedy Central special before. I'm just going to presume he's been ousted for being overqualified. Or maybe it's a situation like Jim Norton backing out of season 2 --some kinda contractual obligations..

Bamm on Bam violence and unrelated musings

The assailant in the attack was said to be a white haired cartoon toddler, clad in an orange and black loincloth.

Ok, well if you follow the link, you’ll learn quickly that, NO, this was not a case of Bamm Bamm vs Bam. But that was my initial suspicion when I read the headline. I mean, the motive is there ( moniker theft) and the M.O. absolutely matches. It’s a good thing for the Rubbles that this crazy bat-wielding broad was caught or else Bamm would have to make with a decent alibi. And if he couldn’t. . . THE DIP!!

Ohmigawd, WHAT was the name of that judge that Christopher Lloyd played in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? He was pretty fucking terrifying, that’s fer sure.

Speaking of judges, I was straining at the brain this morning to come up with the real life name of the actor that played the judge on Night Court. I bring this up because I spotted the opportunity for a decent segue, but mostly I mention it to indicate what very arbitrary and unexpected stops My Train of Thought makes. Not at all predictable like route stops on Amtrak or Soul Train (I type “Soul Train” , but in my head I hear “Soooooooooul Train!” like they trill in the opening credits) I was on one of my a.m. bathroom breaks, enjoying the downtime, and by some detour of my Brain Train I was pondering Night Court… there really was some follow-able chain of thoughts that led there (I didn’t jump the rails entirely) but I’ll be damned if I can remember what that was. But anyways, somehow-er-nuther I was thinking about Night Court. I still find the Night Court theme song strangely memorable….which is not to say I like it. It was very saxy, but in a bad way, not in an awesome, Yakety-Sax sorta way As for the show itself, it seems like it was quite popular during its run, but I can’t fathom why, can you? I think people watched it for Bull. He was the Fonzie/ Rerun/ JJ/ Schneider/Kramer etc etc. for that show. I myself, had this 6 month spell where I watched syndicated episodes…it wasn’t because of Bull though…I have no idea what I watched that show for. .What a crappy show. But then again, I’ve lived thru some very questionable TV kicks that I just *cannot* account for : Wishbone, Bananas in Pajamas, Matlock.

Anyways, I kept trying to think of who played that judge, and the name “Harry” kept popping into my head, but then I’d dismiss it thinking: “Nooo no noo, that was the CHARACTER name…what was the ACTOR’S name?? He was in the dumb forgettable TV show based on the life of Dave Barry and he was in IT with John Ritter and Pennywise the clown and a big assorted cast of others….has he done anything lately???oh what is his name??” Of course, when I returned from el bano I promptly looked it up on IMDB and found that—tricky!!--- “Harry” is his real name and his character’s name. (It’s Harry Anderson…like you were yelling 2 paragraphs ago) Whenever they do that on a TV show, and they do it a lot, methinks, I feel like it’s either the writers being lazy with name generation (“Ohhh…we just really can’t come up with another name that fits his face”) or possibly the actor is so helplessly stupid and bad at acting that he will not be able to stay in character when other actors address him by a strange name. Probably that’s not the case most of the time (either scenario…or is it neither scenarion? When I shift in to high-gear rambling my grammar starts to suffer, I’m afraid..) but I just always think that. Of course, there’s Tony Danza…who seems to be Tony in EVERYTHING. But in that case, it’s permissable, because he’s Tony Danza and normal rules don’t apply to him on account of him being all sorts of awesome. When I was in 3rd grade, I wanted to marry Tony Danza when I grew up . Shut up. You know you did too.

In summation: I hate Night Court and I hope Bam Margera is on the mend (and not brain damaged).

{EPILOGUE—I remembered, in the course of all this blathering, how I got to contemplating Night Court: I was thinking of this movie I watched last night (Spring Breakdown—rented it off iTunes. DO NOT waste your money!!) and how astonishingly terrible it was. I was considering whether it was bad enough for me to visit its IMDB page and post a message board post solely to have my repulsion noted. The last time I did that it was for this awful movie that I saw on a bus coming back from Boston and had we not been speeding down the interstate (and instead were travelling <50mph)>) I might have attempted a tuck ‘n’ roll out the emergency exit to escape this turd of a movie. Oh, and that movie was (relevance imminent) Dave Berry’s Guide to Guys. And the crappiness of that made me reflect that Dave Barry seems to have made a nice living out of being not that fresh or insightful or clever (though, I acknowledge that this was just an off-the-cuff, uninformed rogue notion, since I have never actually read any Dave Barry…I suppose I was just taking that movie to be exemplary of his entire oeuvre, and that’s probably unfair of me) and even had a whole sitcom about him in the 90s and who was it in that? Oh his big role was on Night Court…and yadda yadda yadda…you see how the Train of Thought got headed down the aforesaid track, yes?}

My Name Is No Longer Earl

Memphis Beat looks like it may be worthwhile. Methinks it will be refreshing to watch Jason Lee play someone other than Earl Hickey for a switcheroo. I do adore Jason Lee but that sitcom was getting MUCHO STALE.

consumption

I'm trying to drop some elbees, and eat healthier, & what not (yep, yet again..) I was grocery shopping in Price Chopper the other day and not too far from the produce section is this "cheeses of the world" kiosk. I have always been a cheese fan, but OMFG. now that I am trying to..well, not abstain from cheese, but significantly limit my intake, the stuff seems more MAGICAL than ever!!

So I was circling said kiosk like a Great White (the shark, not the band) (haa) and I spied this little brick called Juusto. Oh, marvy! I was then not only trying to resist cheese, but I was trying to resist exotic, unexplored cheese (having never tried Juusto). It was only thru an act of SUPERHUMAN WILLPOWER that I managed not to buy the cheese. Oh yeah, and I summoned up that superhuman willpower by looking at the nutrition facts. I've been doing that a lot lately, I'm afraid (and sometimes it'll knock ya on yer arse!!) I actually don't think the fat & calories of the Juusto were as astronomical as I was expecting them to be, but then I took note that the recommended serving size is a 1" cube. That's redonkulous!!! I know anorexic hummingbirds that eat bigger chunks of cheese!! OK, well there's only one anorexic hummingbird I know (Ralph) and I only saw him eat the cheese that one time, but it was an ENORMOUS piece (camembert, if I recall correctly).

Anyways, I need someone who's tried Juusto to tell me it was actually rather putrid and I'm not missing out on anything. But DON'T lie to me--only tell me that if it's the God's honest truth!!

So in this dietary rehab endeavor, I have enlisted the aid of this secret society that requires me to "journal" what I eat and tally it all up by its points value. (ok so, it's not all that secret a society) . Anyways, I was contemplating whether or not I *really* had to jot down dinner & apps from last night (I went here; their Carne Asada Salad was waaay delish. I recommend it!!) considering the fact that I yarfed it all up at about 1:30 this morning. Today I feel surprisingly good considering how sadistic I was to my poor liver. I was almost refreshed , like my body was saying "Oh hey..we've not done that in a while". But I am not moronic enough to really think my body is so subversive.