ponder fragments that clog the windmills of my mind

*the name "Mork"

Preexisting name? Or invented for the 70s sitcom Mork & Mindy?

Mork is one of those names that sounds like it must be short for something. Rationally, I *know* it's not really "Morkworth" or "Morkimer" but it feels abbreviated nevertheless.

*karate chop lethality

If a karate master can chop through a cinderblock, or 3 boards of hardwood (like I've not seen in person, but I'm sure I've seen it transpire on some footage from an old TV show...probably That's Incredible!) then can't someone with that level of karate prowess hiya-te chop* somebody's head off? I don't think they can. I'm 99.99999% positive they can't, actually. It's just that nobody's been able to adequately explicate to me why it can't be done.

NOT that I want to karate chop anyone's head off, of course.

*Baroque? Rococo? What's the dif, yo?

this is a new ponderance, actually. I've been a bit prone to contemplating architecture as of late (you mighta noticed). And so, when I had a credit in the used bookstore to use up, I spent some of it on Architecture Styles Spotter's Guide (came very close to buying Mervyn Peake's Gormenghast trilogy, but I have SO MUCH fiction in my possession, in my "to read " queue..) So, I've been reading this guide, trying to absorb some actual knowledge about architecture. (parenthetical tangent: I like the word "enthusiast"...it's a good word to describe me in regards to a number of things-- art, architecture, classical music..many, many more subjects. I get all fascinated, but have no more than a scant smattering of knowledge on any of 'em. "Enthusiast" though, is very apt, as inherently it only promises enthusiasm...no expertise) It's been pretty informative, overall, but I still can't distinguish between Baroque & Rococo very well. The book actually describes Rococo as "Baroque, but more so--"
That's not a big help.

*Red velvet flavor is____

What is red velvet? A melange of spices? It doesn't particularly taste like velvet to me (I oughtta know..I ingest a lot of various fabrics. Method acting study for a goat role, if you must know) Supposedly it's sort of chocolate--so sez wikipedia. But then wiki goes on to say "A Red velvet cake is a type of rich and sweet chocolate cake (though it is often made without chocolate flavoring)" Is a sweet chocolate cake made without chocolate flavoring rendered just a sweet cake? I don't think you can classify it as a chocolate cake in that case? That's one of those unclear clarifications like the whole Baroque/ Rococo thing.

*hiya-te chop is what my niece used to call it-- this is because ideally you make this fierce "HIIII-YA!" exclamation when you do said chop. So she turned it into this cute onomotopeiaic portmanteau thingie. My vocab is cluttered with all these adorable "niece-isms" that the nieces have dropped ages ago, but I haven't managed to. Like calling meatloaf "meepo" for instance.

just an FYI

This book is the exact book I was referring to two posts ago.

indecision...

Oh, maybe Clive & I should live in "The Manseigneur" in my dreams. I am charmed so by bungalows, but this one has a freakin' LIBRARY in it... my dream house would SO have a library.

The Buena Vista

I was killing time meandering about online tonight, and went to ask.com. I feel like Google is overrated. I mean, "google" has become the verb for doing an online search, just like "kleenex" is the commonly employed noun when anyone speaks of tissue--as if there were no other brands. Ok, there's not a very substantial link betwixt Kleenex & Google--only that they are giants in their fields. And I shouldn't have disparaged Google with an "overrated" when I actually don't have a problem with it. I think my primary usage of ask.com is just another way of "rootin' for the little guy", y'know? But I digress-- the merits of various search engines was not the intended point of this post.

I wanted to share this site. I did an ask.com search for "vintage house plans"--was not really expecting to find anything, but this site--the first search result that cropped up--was just what I was seeking. Scooooore!
Y'see once upon a time, on a lark, bought a slim reproduction of an early 20s house plan catalog. It was $3.99 amongst the Borders Bargains, so I bought it (I don't do expensive "larks" you know) And I found that I really dug it. I have subsequently looked in Borders for other books of the same type and it's either that they've got nothing or maybe they've got 1 or 2 that fit the bill but they're not in the Bargains corral and priced a bit steeper than I want to spend. I feel like, if I drop $25 on a house plans book, I should be planning on building a house and not just browsing through, pointing at different plans or features and saying "Ooh. Me likey" Which is--more or less-- what I do.

In the book I have, this particular company (they might have been Sears plans) named all their houses. I find it somehow 10x more charming when a cute little Tudor revival is "The Chatford" rather than "Plan No. 112" Don't you agree? It makes me imagine excited homeowners of the early 20th century referring to their new abode by the design name...y'know...Betty is giving a tour of the place during the housewarming party and tells Arlene "We very nearly went with the Hanover , but I just fell in love with the idea of a breakfast nook, so I talked Danny into the Chatford"



How idyllic, right??


I think tonight, I'm going to have lovely dreams about me living in the Buena Vista.. . . .



. . . .with Clive Owen

The knave abides.

I have yet to read this whole thing (and I may not) but I thought this was awesome nonetheless!! LOOOOVE IT.

Reason 974 that I should move to the UK

Mmmkay..so it will save us some time if you don't make me review the first 973 reasons, agreed?

Anyways...I was on Amazon, looking at preordering "Return to Cranford" ( I own Cranford and just luv it) which aired over there as a mid-December Christmas special but did not air on any channel on MY side of "the pond". As much as I love Fa-la-la-laLifetime, I am damned jealous!! Anyways, was perusing that DVD (which is getting an amazingly quick release!! Good on ya, BBC !!) and I spied amongst my recommendations something called "Lark Rise to Candleford" Crazy-ass name, but it looks pretty rad. I was a bit surprised to find this show is going into its 3rd season and I'd never before heard of it. I'm often on the prowl for such fare (in fact, on just such a prowl last month, I was stoked to discover this site and, despite its horribly schmaltzy name, this site)

It just bums me out that they get awesome shows like that over there, and US TV just churns out crap reality show after crap reality show. Conveyor Belt of Love? Are you f-ing joking??

Ok, I'm going to do a 180 here and be a HUGE hypocrite but...silver lining...the 2 reality shows I actually dig (the lone exceptions to my rule) are both premiering this month! Huzzah!! Next week is the 3rd incarnation of High School Reunion. And then on January 14--Project Runway! You know I never did watch the very last episode of last season, because I happened to hear who won and I loathe Irina's nasty bitchy guts and couldn't bear to bear witness to that.

Today is my Dad's B-day!!

Feliz cumpleanos mi padre!!

I went over to my folks' tonight even though tomorrow night has been designated big fam birthday dinner night. My bro-in-law has a 1/5 b-day, so it's gonna be a joint thing (but not with joints, you understand. decidedly NOT that sort of party) There were leftover baked beans to be had, and my Dad was opining that a baked bean sandwich was the best sandwich around. I stifled my dissent on account of it being his birthday or whatev, but I'll unstifle here in this forum : I SO DISAGREE.
I would eat such a sandwich actually (though not the way he likes 'em--he had me toast the wheat bread--that part was okay-- and spread the bread w/ Hellman's mayo. UGH. I think it would be just fine with NO condiments... or maybe mustard) but that's just a tremendous overstatement. In the pantheon of great sammies, "baked bean" doesn't even make the top 10. Am I right?? (brief aside--scope this neat-o website, kids: http://www.insanewiches.com/)

Well, wild overstatements aside, it was his birthday. So I stuck a birthday candle in his bean sandwich I made him and sang "Happy Birthday " as I served it. This strikes me as damn funny. Probably if I didn't know that he has a cake coming tomorrow it would just be sad and/or pathetic. But he will get a b-day cake, so my conscience allowed me to be amused by birthday bean sammich. I don't quite know WHAT I found so funny about it. Is it incongruity? Thwarting of expectations? I don't know what. Just a comedic je ne sais quoi , I guess. Sort of a je ne sais HAA. (wocka wocka) Wouldn't hafta be a bean sammie though. A birthday candle in a hotdog would also be funny...and funnier still if you called it a birthday frankfurt (no, "weener" is going for the cheap laff, and it's played out besides)

My Dad is weird. After he ate, he called up 2 of the guys he used to work with that he remembered had the same birthday as him --these are guys he's not seen since retiring 10 years ago, mind you. Just made out of the blue, happy birthday calls to these fellahs. He actually opened one phone call singing "Happy Birthday" (though I think the Beatles' birthday song woulda been more apropos) And then it was all--It's me, Art! What have you been up to? This is what I've been up to. Blah blah blah. Old anecdotes. Have you seen so & so? Yeah, I saw so & so two months ago. Have you seen this dude? That dude? How does he look? Yadda yadda yadda.

I would NOT do that. He is perfectly at ease cold-calling some semi-close acquaintance that he's not seen in a decade and chatting them up. That would seem weird to me. Partly I think- well shit, if you haven't made an effort to see them in 10 years there's probably a good reason, Sandra. But then my superego is all-- well that's sort of misanthropic and you shouldn't think that way. And that superego voice in me does kind of appreciate and maybe envy that quality in my Dad. I've always thought I was just the right amount of friendly, but maybe I'm not?

One of my work compadres wished his wife a big ol' HAPPY BIRTHDAY on his FB wall today. The wacky coincidence of it being both his wife's and my Dad's birthday (what are the chances? Pretty damned good, actually. Still, these things never cease to charm me) had me on wiki, seeking out who else was born on Jan 6th. Some exciting finds--
Danny Pintauro (Johnathan on Who's the Boss?) -- 1/6/1976
Rowan Atkinson (1/6/1955)
Vic Tayback 1/6/1930 (he played Mel on Alice; quick tangent-- I recall at my last job, we wiled away an afternoon debating which of us in the office was a Mel...who was the Flo, who was a Vera, etc. I think I wound up being Alice)
Another wacky b-day coinky-dinky that delighted me: Jan 6 is the birthday of both Bonnie Franklin (of One Day at a Time fame) and BEN FRANKLIN (of bifocals inventing and flying kites in T-storms fame)

I got kind of stumped when shopping for Dad's b-day. He's had his present bathrobe since the Reagan administration so I bought him a new robe. He'll probably think it frivolous since the old robe isn't quite threadbare. Still probably has another 10 years of use in it, eh? It may not be threadbare, but it's an UGLY thing. I hope he wears this new one I got him. Not only is it more aesthetically pleasing (black & green buffalo check) it's WARM and he's always wearing his bathrobe outdoors for one reason or another--to get the paper, or go out in the freezing garage to bring out recycling. It's nutty.

So once I selected the robe, I thought I should give him a little something else. So I thought...what little somethin' would go well with a robe?? Initially I thought : snacks!! A good thought, because snacks do go well with a robe and snacks are an easy, sure-fire man-gift. But one of my Dad's 2010 resolutions is to drop some lbs and that's deuced tough enough without my sabotaging him!! So I bought him a book. It's good to read in a robe, si? Maaaan, I must have stood in the Kmart book aisle a good 15 minutes debating: Jon Krakauer's "Into Thin Air" or Alice Sebold's "The Lovely Bones"? Lovely Bones or Thin Air? Air? Bones? Sebold? Krakauer? Thin? Lovely? I was RACKED WITH INDECISION, I tells ya. Krakauer looked like an obvious frontrunner, with the cover copy exclaiming "Ranks among the great adventure books of all time!!" (so sez the Wall Street Journal) But I opted for "Lovely Bones" because I skimmed just a teensy bit of "Into Thin Air" and thought that passage read very factually, like a piece of journalism and so I thought that might be a kinda dry read. And I believe the Lovely Bones has a heroic father figure in it, so I thought that might be a good pick for that reason. But I haven't read either and maybe I chose wrong. I do wonder if "Lovely Bones" is too much of a femme, Oprah-esque book for myDad. Though he did tell me once how much he liked the book "Little Women" so that probably won't be an issue.

head gear

I received a couple of gift certs to Kohls this Christmas. Now, I have had a history of finding decent threads in there, but now that I have $$$ to burn, I can't seem to find a damn thing. Still, I couldn't leave there empty handed when I went this past Saturday so I got a cool bracelet, a necklace, & knit hat (all Vera Wang's Simply Vera line-- nice stuff, me likey)



So this hat I got-- kind of rad. It's sort of a touque-style hat--a loose black knit that you can see through the weave and see that inside the black knit is all silver sequins. Aw hell, why don't I just scrounge up a pic for y'all??



{several web scouring minutes later...}



It's really cuter in person, I assure you. Anyways, you can see it's not a tight beanie..it's got a bit of slouch to it. So, I've been wearing it sorta pushed back and to the left. And I've been wearing the hell out of it. The greeter at Walmart said it was cute and looked very good on me. And then as I donned it the other day to head out on my lunch break, one of my coworkers said it made me "look like a city girl". Now, I would have preferred the adjective "fetching" in the first scenario, and "metropolitan" in the latter, but that is not what either of them said, and I endeavor to report with the utmost accuracy, yes I do. Nevertheless, both remarks were complimentary and I was feeling pretty fine.

And then I caught a glimpse of myself in a big mirror. Well, really, I don't think the hat was the sole culprit, rather there was some awful sartorial chemistry going on with my coat-hat pairing. The coat may be the guiltier party --a long wool coat, trench style, black & white herringbone pattern, looks slightly stupid with its 2 big loopy belt loops hanging off the back of it when I have long since lost the belt. I'm a fan of long coats generally. I find them elegant (not dusters though...dusters are foul. I feel like primarily they are worn by weird neauvo-cowboys and plain ol' weird weirdos that keep weird journals that you better be on the lookout for. Hey, if you know of another ilk that favors dusters--please do enlighten me !) But I'm thinking that certain body types just need to find the absolute perfect long coat and maybe some should just totally avoid 'em. Anywhoodle...when I saw me in the mirror, 3 words flashed through my mind:

Glitzy Sam Kinison.

Oy vey!! So the moral of the story: believe your mirrors, NOT the hype. Unless you're consulting one of those 50x magnification make-up mirrors. Don't believe that kind!! I'm not saying they're dishonest mirrors, quite the contrary. But if you believe what those tell you, well...one is liable to have a lie-down on the train tracks and wait for the next express to flatten 'em. BRUTAL instruments, and I recommend shunning them altogether.

In other headgear news, I wore a turban to work the other day. No, I'm not adding a Middle Eastern flair to my wardrobe, nor am I trying to pull off some sort of business cas. Bob Mackie type o' thing. It was a bit of a slip-up and the rambling, unabridged backstory goes a little somethin' like--
I am really, really, really, REALLY not a morning person. It's even tough for me to hear one of those morning people effuse "Oh, I like to take it slow in the mornings--get up at five, linger over my coffee, read the paper, vacuum, blah blah blahdee blaah" Oh BARF. Who does that? I mean, people do do that...but I just can't fathom...when blankets are so snuggly to snuggle...what the fuck? Really?? I give myself 15 minutes to get ready for work and not a nanosecond more. That means that I get up 15 minutes before I leave for work. Well to be quite specific, my alarm starts going off 45minutes before departure time, and I groggily slap the snooze button for a 30min. Problematically though,my average shower time ranges from 15-20minutes. I make this nonproblematic by showering at night. Well, usually I do. On the rare weekday a.m.s that I take a shower, this means that I'm either running 15-20 minutes late, or I've actually roused myself a whole 1/2 hour before hustle-out-the-door time. Now in either scenario, you can bet your ass that I am NOT busting out the hair dryer. OK, I'm starting to fear that I'm portraying myself as some drab tomboy slob loser. So at this juncture, I remind you: I'm just going to work. When I go out on the weekends (well, when I periodically do... when I'm in the black) I make up for my day-to-day primping lackadaisicality (SOOO not a word!! is it?). I take, I'd say on average, 2 hours to preen for social excursions.

Well, I have digressed. What I was getting at-- my shower morning S.O.P. is to twist my wet locks into a Turbi Twist and wear that on my ride in to work. And then, after parking, I take off the turban, and hang the thing on my passenger seat headrest to dry. But, as you've surely surmised, I accidentally deviated from protocol the other a.m. I walk across the parking lot, oblivious, waving to a fellow coworker -- "Hi Ann!" favoring her with the winningest smile a pre-coffee me can muster. Walked right inside to the coat rack. The act of shedding my coat must have tipped me off --"Some other item you were supposed to take off, nimrod??" I quickly ripped the thing off and hung it up under my coat. I'm pretty sure Ann's the only one who noticed. She's been having a good laugh about it ALL WEEK.

to EVERYBODY! EVERYONE--HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Is it just auntie bias, or is she legitimately a *&%$#@ing riot?

front page news? Really now?

Well damn--the crew over at People magazine is just ga-ga for weddings!! Seriously, if the dude who played Schneider on One Day at a Time got married for the fifth time and mailed the pics to People--and made a point to refer to them as exclusive pics--People muth&*$#*ing magazine would run that on their cover. No shitting you.

First off, they must know that a Jo-bro. is NOT the hot commodity in 2009 that he was back in '07. And even at the very zenith of their fame, Kevin was the one that-- ah well-- hitched, single, gay...there really wasn't a hell of a lotta public concern over the matter either way.

OK..if that last paragraph were clunkily composed, I blame it on this ugly guilty feeling that has stolen over me on account o' maybe I've slandered One Day At A Time's Schneider. Firstly, it's a bit belittling to forego his real name (which is Pat Harrington Jr) in favor of a character name. And of course, the man's done other work besides One Day, in fact, I remember seeing him pop up on The Love Boat, I think maybe more than once. Yep, yep--a quick detour over to IMDB shows 4 Love Boat episodes. Welllll, there was a 2 parter episode in there, so one might consider it just 3 Love Boat episodes in the Harrington Jr. oeuvre but he's had a buttload of other work too!! And just one wife ....so that settles it--I *am* slanderous.

But back to my original point--Kevin Jonas's big nuptials--is that really front page-worthy? I'd give it maybe a corner of the front page, but not this primo real estate.

Some trepidation is replacing my guilt now...I'm flashing back to a long ago post where I ever-so-slightly disparaged Clay Aiken and... OMFG hell hath no fury like a miffed Claymate. I don't know how all those people found me!! I'll bet that was my all time record for # of comments though. I gotta wonder if I have now summoned up a whole new shitstorm...

I kinda get the feeling that People is the print equivalent of Entertainment Tonight. They just have kindred vibes, y'know ??

Oh, and since I may have incurred a wrathful shitstorm anyways allow me to lay some additional (yet totally irrelevant) negativity on y'all. I *LOATHE* THE GUY WHO SINGS IN THE FREE CREDIT REPORT.COM COMMERCIALS. I won't say "hate"...because that feels too harsh, especially for someone I've never in-person met, but let's just say I have a powerful, powerful aversion to the dude. And you know why? Me neither!!! I can't quite articulate why...he just has this nebulous offputting essence. Whatever the cause is, the effect is that want to punch him in the noggin. HARD. Oh, don't give me that reproachful look of yours. Even if I did my hardest punching, it probably wouldn't hurt the fellah. I am crap at punching.

I may have opined this before, but it bears repeating: I do think there needs to be a word that means negative je ne sais quoi . I could say "negative je ne sais quoi" but that feels cumbersome, right? I need one word that encompasses that notion in no more than 4syllables, ideally 3. Maybe that word exists & it's just eluding me (help me out if you can think of it, eh?)

am I VLOGGING now? Wooo-hoo! Good job, me!

I had some time to kill today while I was waiting at Dunkin Donuts to get some blood (umm yeah, I should specify at this juncture that it was a work errand &I was picking this up from a nurse I was meeting in that parking lot...it's not like, my Plan B bev because the Dunkaccino machine was being cleaned or anything like that. ) I happened to have my new Christmas toy on hand and so...

My Christmas: the ultra-abridged Reader's Digest version

Drank a bottle of champers (with very little help) at the Christmas Eve party. Had a swell Christmas. Top three fave gifties: Flip cam / silver key necklace/ grey cashmere throw. Everything else I got was pretty terrific too. Had ham,not turkey (ham's way better, not to mention ham gravy...MMmm I wish I'd gotten leftovers, but they all stayed at my sister's casa) I know it's silly,but I think the knowledge that I had Dec 26 off from work made my Christmas exponentially merrier. I really DETEST going to work on Boxing Day(and yet I neglect to take it off every &^%#ing year it lands on a weekday. Durrr)

Will post more at a later date amigos...

EYE EPILOGUE

My left eye feels 1000% better today. I can’t find any ophthalmological basis for it, but I do believe my recovery has much to do with my indulging in nearly 14 hours of sleep last night. I know it’s kind of lameass to go to sleep at 6pm but nevertheless, I feel like I could benchpress a small building today. Not that I’m much of a bench presser…

My left eye has been kind of…uhhh, itchy (for lack of a better adjective) since this past Friday. Feels slighty better today than it did yesterday, but it’s still bothering me. Early on in the weekend it was like I had a pine needle floating around in there. Now it just feels kind of strained ..like I’m tired in one eye. I have been wearing my glasses (instead of contacts) and periodically dropping in eyedrops when I have ‘em handy and I am NOT going to the docs unless I have a big relapse. I’d hafta hock my Christmas presents if I did go!!
You know back in the spring, I had a scratched cornea and had to go to the ER. The bill for that was a li’l over $500 !! Can you believe that shit? My insurance paid for most of it (my OOP was $75.) but still….that’s redonkulous!!
This is what the visit (run time approx 30minutes) consisted of -- lengthy interrogation by the front desk broad, when I FINALLY got to be seen they gave me eye numbing drops, followed by eye dye so that the P.A. dude could gaze into my peeper and conclusively say “Yep, there’s a scratch there”. Then I read from an eye chart to show that my vision wasn’t f-ed up. And went away with an RX for antibiotic droppies. Now, I don’t want to disparage the P.A. who treated me, but really, it didn’t seem like the care I received was all that skilled. Not 500 bucks worth of skilled anyways!! Either they get paid a killer shift differential (this ER visit was at around 9pm) or those dye drops are a rare compound of unicorn tears & jabberwocky drool.

Mmmmmmmeaty!!

One more thing...

I had a friend announce on Facebook that she was giving up on vegetarianism. For some reason, this announcement compelled me to make for her a sort of "homage to meat" collage.

Probably stupid Blogger will not allow me to make the pic a "click-to-expand" type pic (I used to be able to post 'em like that, but never can anymore. WTF, guys??) But what the hey...I'm going to share it anyways...

weird banner ads...

I was finishing up Christmas cards tonight and popped online expressly to look up some mailing addresses I was missing. But the dang interwebs suck me in everytime and I've now been on the computer for a hell of a long time and I've wound up putting off about 15 cards 'til tomorrow. I suppose it's for the best...it will give me something to do tomorrow and I was getting calligraphy cramps tonight anyways. OK, well, I don't know for real BONA FIDE calligraphy, but I do do my own made up fancy lettering on my envelopes. I never want to write messages on the insides of cards... I would either have to strain the weary ol' brain for something clever/witty and/or poignant to say, or I would have to resort to cliches (bleccch!) So in lieu of scrawling some sentiment, I get artsy on the envelopes. That's why my cards are always such a lengthy undertaking. Well, that and I never, NEVER, have all the addresses I need!

...which brings me back to the internet. I hit up switchboard.com to search for some people's info, and I was struck by 2 banner ads I discovered there....

The one on the top kinda weirds me out just because I know it's targeted precisely at me. After spotting a W Hotel in Manhattan last month, I took a fancy to the look of the place and I sought out the W Hotels website. Now THE INTERNET GODS are shooting me banner ads for W Hotels. Rationally, I totally get it...y'know Big Brother/ Big Commerce is ever vigilant, and I am by no means elusively "off-the-grid" (especially considering what a 'net junkie I am) But still, it weirds me out ...just a smidge. But it also makes me feel like they're doing a shoddy, half-ass job of profiling me. If my likes and dislikes and location and demographic are so readily available, isn't it equally easy to peek at my credit score? After scoping that, one could surmise (rightfully) that I could not pay for so much as a 1 hour stay at a W Hotel!! YOU ARE WASTING THE AD SPACE, FOOLS!!

Now, the banner ad on the right also weirds me out...for obvious reason, dont'cha think? "Obama Asks Moms to Return to School!" is of course accompanied by a photo of . . . Charles Manson Jr.???Ummm, WTF to the nth power?????? If that dude is matriculating, the moms will most assuredly NOT return to school. How is that ad supposed to be effective? And do you think Charles Manson would have taken a different path in life if he'd assumed the nickname "Chaz"? Seems to me that a Chaz couldn't perpetrate multiple homocides nor could he work the forehead swastika look. Chaz wears loafers without socks. Chaz likes yacht rock.

...UGGGHH.. sorry. 'Tis 3:16am EST...which means I'm overdue for some ZZzzzs. And it would seem when I deprive myself of slumber, I am prone to distasteful digressions. Again, sorry...

G'night!!

Au revoir HipHopapotamus & Rhymenoceros..

I'll always luv ya!! FOTC is done its run. I guess I understand the why of it--that they were feeling creatively strained or whatev, but that doesn't stop me from being supremely bummed.

ummm YIKES

So I’ve told you that I’m designated office delivery wench, yes? Well, I am. Today I had to drive out to Lyme (and these far-away errands always pop up at the times when I'm at about a 1/2 tank of gas and trying to stretch out $25 until my next payday) to bring catheters to our nurse Shari who was having trouble with an insertion.

Yeeeeah….so it was NOT the simple delivery& hand-off& departure I was expecting. I wound up on flashlight detail. All those years of illuminating my Dad’s auto repairs came in handy. Actually I was hoping I’d start having auto repair flashbacks and start hallucinating carburetors & oil filters (which would have distracted me from the fact that I was looking at some lady’s urethra)

At one point, I’m holding the flashlight and Shari sez “ Do you want to be my assistant?” (without any further elaboration) And I’m trying to maintain my poker face (all the while, I’m trying to decide which sort of poker face would be most reassuring to the poor patient. I think a blank stare would be unnerving but a too smiley smile could be waaay worse…I tried to achieve a happy medium) and wanted to respond “I am NOT QUALIFIED to do *anything* beyond flashlight duty!!” but I thought a whole sentence might come out panicky sounding, so I said “Hmm?” Come to find out, she just wanted me to open a cath package because her hands were all be-gloved & lubey…so nothing too exceedingly clinical for me. But I was a bit petrified for a moment there.

I have long suspected that I don’t have what it takes to be a nurse….I am SO sure of it now!!

What the whaaaa?

In totally BIZARR-O couples news...WTF?

so THE MAN thinks I'm an ingrate

At work, I used to have my desk near the referral services department and used to chat with the gals there throughout the day. Well, in October, they moved me to the other side of the office (to squash the banter? Perhaps. The move was never adequately explained to me) So these days, when I run into someone from referral services, it's a big "to-do" like Homecoming or something. They're all very glad to see me because when I left their sector of the building, there went the finest wit that workplace had to offer (haa..I jest. OF COURSE, I'm jesting)



Anyways, the other day, at probably quarter of 5, I had finally gotten around to doing my paper route. This is when, at the end of my day, I cart a box of paper around the office, throw a ream in each copier& leave a spare ream nearby. Just one of my 3000 jobs. And really, it's one job I wouldn't give up, as I kinda dig the mindless meniality of it. Sure as hell beats dealing with insurance companies. I can't imagine there's anything more convoluted and uber-bureaucratic than an insurance company. Well not much is, anyways.



But I digress...it's 4:45pm (EST) I'm loading paper into the referral services printer and Sue R is working there and working alongside her is her boss Sheila. Yeah, anyone who knows me knows that I am none too keen on the managerial ilk, so it's saying a lot that Sheila is one of my least favorite managers (she's popped up in this blog previously). Sue and I then have this rather banal exchange--



Sue: Hey Sandra. How you doin'??

Me: Siiigh. Good...now that it's 4:30 {4:30 pm is my quitting time. . .in theory}

Sue: It's actually past 4:30



Well, I don't know if my sigh was intolerably weary ( I don't think it was an extraordinary sigh) or if Sue's factual statement of the time sounded tinged with dangerous discontent, but something compelled Sheila to chime in (in this putrid mock-chipper voice) "BUT THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE JOBS!!" This triggered a brief vignette in my head where I responded "Oh, piss off, you hideous HAG" whilest in reality I said nothing. Sue and I exchanged a bug eyed look that was clearly nonverbal shorthand for "OMG who the fuck asked HER??" But neither of us said another word. But still, I feel I would have been well within my rights if I did tell her to piss off, because really---who the fuck asked her?? I was not talking with Sheila. Sheila may not have noticed this, but I have made it a policy not to speak to Sheila unless she has directed a question at me. But even if she had been part of the convo, it wouldn't have killed her to allow me a modicum of half-hearted grumbling. Oh, and considering how wholeheartedly annoyed by my job I am these days, such mild kvetching is extremely mild. Does management not realize that there is something unnatural and Stepford-esque about a totally complaint-free workplace?



Well, Sheila has yet again failed to propagate a positive image of the man. And bitch DEFINITELY ain't gettin' a Christmas card from me!!



In other news , I slept from 6pm-7:30am last night and it was marvy, blissful & highly satisfactory. And below, I'm going to throw in a pic I like that I stole from another blog and that has nothing to do with any of the preceding blather...


Ahhh but my conscience commenced to nagging me instantly...I must give credit where due: that's from a waaaaay rad blog called Pleasant Family Shopping that I just discovered. You simply must scope it out (am going to add it to my sidebar, actually) This shot on that website (search for the KMart tag) expands to a ginormous, high def image. And that blog features beaucoup links to other similarly themed and also rad blogs/sites so there are HOURS of retro-retail diversion to be had...