am I VLOGGING now? Wooo-hoo! Good job, me!

I had some time to kill today while I was waiting at Dunkin Donuts to get some blood (umm yeah, I should specify at this juncture that it was a work errand &I was picking this up from a nurse I was meeting in that parking lot...it's not like, my Plan B bev because the Dunkaccino machine was being cleaned or anything like that. ) I happened to have my new Christmas toy on hand and so...

My Christmas: the ultra-abridged Reader's Digest version

Drank a bottle of champers (with very little help) at the Christmas Eve party. Had a swell Christmas. Top three fave gifties: Flip cam / silver key necklace/ grey cashmere throw. Everything else I got was pretty terrific too. Had ham,not turkey (ham's way better, not to mention ham gravy...MMmm I wish I'd gotten leftovers, but they all stayed at my sister's casa) I know it's silly,but I think the knowledge that I had Dec 26 off from work made my Christmas exponentially merrier. I really DETEST going to work on Boxing Day(and yet I neglect to take it off every &^%#ing year it lands on a weekday. Durrr)

Will post more at a later date amigos...

EYE EPILOGUE

My left eye feels 1000% better today. I can’t find any ophthalmological basis for it, but I do believe my recovery has much to do with my indulging in nearly 14 hours of sleep last night. I know it’s kind of lameass to go to sleep at 6pm but nevertheless, I feel like I could benchpress a small building today. Not that I’m much of a bench presser…

My left eye has been kind of…uhhh, itchy (for lack of a better adjective) since this past Friday. Feels slighty better today than it did yesterday, but it’s still bothering me. Early on in the weekend it was like I had a pine needle floating around in there. Now it just feels kind of strained ..like I’m tired in one eye. I have been wearing my glasses (instead of contacts) and periodically dropping in eyedrops when I have ‘em handy and I am NOT going to the docs unless I have a big relapse. I’d hafta hock my Christmas presents if I did go!!
You know back in the spring, I had a scratched cornea and had to go to the ER. The bill for that was a li’l over $500 !! Can you believe that shit? My insurance paid for most of it (my OOP was $75.) but still….that’s redonkulous!!
This is what the visit (run time approx 30minutes) consisted of -- lengthy interrogation by the front desk broad, when I FINALLY got to be seen they gave me eye numbing drops, followed by eye dye so that the P.A. dude could gaze into my peeper and conclusively say “Yep, there’s a scratch there”. Then I read from an eye chart to show that my vision wasn’t f-ed up. And went away with an RX for antibiotic droppies. Now, I don’t want to disparage the P.A. who treated me, but really, it didn’t seem like the care I received was all that skilled. Not 500 bucks worth of skilled anyways!! Either they get paid a killer shift differential (this ER visit was at around 9pm) or those dye drops are a rare compound of unicorn tears & jabberwocky drool.

Mmmmmmmeaty!!

One more thing...

I had a friend announce on Facebook that she was giving up on vegetarianism. For some reason, this announcement compelled me to make for her a sort of "homage to meat" collage.

Probably stupid Blogger will not allow me to make the pic a "click-to-expand" type pic (I used to be able to post 'em like that, but never can anymore. WTF, guys??) But what the hey...I'm going to share it anyways...

weird banner ads...

I was finishing up Christmas cards tonight and popped online expressly to look up some mailing addresses I was missing. But the dang interwebs suck me in everytime and I've now been on the computer for a hell of a long time and I've wound up putting off about 15 cards 'til tomorrow. I suppose it's for the best...it will give me something to do tomorrow and I was getting calligraphy cramps tonight anyways. OK, well, I don't know for real BONA FIDE calligraphy, but I do do my own made up fancy lettering on my envelopes. I never want to write messages on the insides of cards... I would either have to strain the weary ol' brain for something clever/witty and/or poignant to say, or I would have to resort to cliches (bleccch!) So in lieu of scrawling some sentiment, I get artsy on the envelopes. That's why my cards are always such a lengthy undertaking. Well, that and I never, NEVER, have all the addresses I need!

...which brings me back to the internet. I hit up switchboard.com to search for some people's info, and I was struck by 2 banner ads I discovered there....

The one on the top kinda weirds me out just because I know it's targeted precisely at me. After spotting a W Hotel in Manhattan last month, I took a fancy to the look of the place and I sought out the W Hotels website. Now THE INTERNET GODS are shooting me banner ads for W Hotels. Rationally, I totally get it...y'know Big Brother/ Big Commerce is ever vigilant, and I am by no means elusively "off-the-grid" (especially considering what a 'net junkie I am) But still, it weirds me out ...just a smidge. But it also makes me feel like they're doing a shoddy, half-ass job of profiling me. If my likes and dislikes and location and demographic are so readily available, isn't it equally easy to peek at my credit score? After scoping that, one could surmise (rightfully) that I could not pay for so much as a 1 hour stay at a W Hotel!! YOU ARE WASTING THE AD SPACE, FOOLS!!

Now, the banner ad on the right also weirds me out...for obvious reason, dont'cha think? "Obama Asks Moms to Return to School!" is of course accompanied by a photo of . . . Charles Manson Jr.???Ummm, WTF to the nth power?????? If that dude is matriculating, the moms will most assuredly NOT return to school. How is that ad supposed to be effective? And do you think Charles Manson would have taken a different path in life if he'd assumed the nickname "Chaz"? Seems to me that a Chaz couldn't perpetrate multiple homocides nor could he work the forehead swastika look. Chaz wears loafers without socks. Chaz likes yacht rock.

...UGGGHH.. sorry. 'Tis 3:16am EST...which means I'm overdue for some ZZzzzs. And it would seem when I deprive myself of slumber, I am prone to distasteful digressions. Again, sorry...

G'night!!

Au revoir HipHopapotamus & Rhymenoceros..

I'll always luv ya!! FOTC is done its run. I guess I understand the why of it--that they were feeling creatively strained or whatev, but that doesn't stop me from being supremely bummed.

ummm YIKES

So I’ve told you that I’m designated office delivery wench, yes? Well, I am. Today I had to drive out to Lyme (and these far-away errands always pop up at the times when I'm at about a 1/2 tank of gas and trying to stretch out $25 until my next payday) to bring catheters to our nurse Shari who was having trouble with an insertion.

Yeeeeah….so it was NOT the simple delivery& hand-off& departure I was expecting. I wound up on flashlight detail. All those years of illuminating my Dad’s auto repairs came in handy. Actually I was hoping I’d start having auto repair flashbacks and start hallucinating carburetors & oil filters (which would have distracted me from the fact that I was looking at some lady’s urethra)

At one point, I’m holding the flashlight and Shari sez “ Do you want to be my assistant?” (without any further elaboration) And I’m trying to maintain my poker face (all the while, I’m trying to decide which sort of poker face would be most reassuring to the poor patient. I think a blank stare would be unnerving but a too smiley smile could be waaay worse…I tried to achieve a happy medium) and wanted to respond “I am NOT QUALIFIED to do *anything* beyond flashlight duty!!” but I thought a whole sentence might come out panicky sounding, so I said “Hmm?” Come to find out, she just wanted me to open a cath package because her hands were all be-gloved & lubey…so nothing too exceedingly clinical for me. But I was a bit petrified for a moment there.

I have long suspected that I don’t have what it takes to be a nurse….I am SO sure of it now!!

What the whaaaa?

In totally BIZARR-O couples news...WTF?

so THE MAN thinks I'm an ingrate

At work, I used to have my desk near the referral services department and used to chat with the gals there throughout the day. Well, in October, they moved me to the other side of the office (to squash the banter? Perhaps. The move was never adequately explained to me) So these days, when I run into someone from referral services, it's a big "to-do" like Homecoming or something. They're all very glad to see me because when I left their sector of the building, there went the finest wit that workplace had to offer (haa..I jest. OF COURSE, I'm jesting)



Anyways, the other day, at probably quarter of 5, I had finally gotten around to doing my paper route. This is when, at the end of my day, I cart a box of paper around the office, throw a ream in each copier& leave a spare ream nearby. Just one of my 3000 jobs. And really, it's one job I wouldn't give up, as I kinda dig the mindless meniality of it. Sure as hell beats dealing with insurance companies. I can't imagine there's anything more convoluted and uber-bureaucratic than an insurance company. Well not much is, anyways.



But I digress...it's 4:45pm (EST) I'm loading paper into the referral services printer and Sue R is working there and working alongside her is her boss Sheila. Yeah, anyone who knows me knows that I am none too keen on the managerial ilk, so it's saying a lot that Sheila is one of my least favorite managers (she's popped up in this blog previously). Sue and I then have this rather banal exchange--



Sue: Hey Sandra. How you doin'??

Me: Siiigh. Good...now that it's 4:30 {4:30 pm is my quitting time. . .in theory}

Sue: It's actually past 4:30



Well, I don't know if my sigh was intolerably weary ( I don't think it was an extraordinary sigh) or if Sue's factual statement of the time sounded tinged with dangerous discontent, but something compelled Sheila to chime in (in this putrid mock-chipper voice) "BUT THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE JOBS!!" This triggered a brief vignette in my head where I responded "Oh, piss off, you hideous HAG" whilest in reality I said nothing. Sue and I exchanged a bug eyed look that was clearly nonverbal shorthand for "OMG who the fuck asked HER??" But neither of us said another word. But still, I feel I would have been well within my rights if I did tell her to piss off, because really---who the fuck asked her?? I was not talking with Sheila. Sheila may not have noticed this, but I have made it a policy not to speak to Sheila unless she has directed a question at me. But even if she had been part of the convo, it wouldn't have killed her to allow me a modicum of half-hearted grumbling. Oh, and considering how wholeheartedly annoyed by my job I am these days, such mild kvetching is extremely mild. Does management not realize that there is something unnatural and Stepford-esque about a totally complaint-free workplace?



Well, Sheila has yet again failed to propagate a positive image of the man. And bitch DEFINITELY ain't gettin' a Christmas card from me!!



In other news , I slept from 6pm-7:30am last night and it was marvy, blissful & highly satisfactory. And below, I'm going to throw in a pic I like that I stole from another blog and that has nothing to do with any of the preceding blather...


Ahhh but my conscience commenced to nagging me instantly...I must give credit where due: that's from a waaaaay rad blog called Pleasant Family Shopping that I just discovered. You simply must scope it out (am going to add it to my sidebar, actually) This shot on that website (search for the KMart tag) expands to a ginormous, high def image. And that blog features beaucoup links to other similarly themed and also rad blogs/sites so there are HOURS of retro-retail diversion to be had...

new diversion

That last post lead me to peruse THIS neat-o Flickr set. I suppose it's just another way of me postponing slumber (since the sooner I snooze, the sooner yucky Monday a.m. comes) but I am genuinely digging this...

sights I've seen, places I've BEAN

A week ago tonight I journeyed to Salem NH. They have this mall there (Mall at Rockingham Park) that I had never before explored. Looked worth a peek to me, mostly because they have a LUSH store. Come to find out, it was a small LUSH... with this salesgirl that was ridiculously, OBNOXIOUSLY over-attentive, but I'm still glad I went there, and I most certainly came away with product!

But I didn't want to talk LUSH, I didn't even want to talk about the mall (which was lovely). After the mall shut down, I went down to Rte28 (which it seems is like the "main drag" of Salem) to see what I could see & attain some eats. While doing my laps of Rte 28, I was charmed & dazzled by their old timey DeMoula's grocery store. So charmed was I , that I later had to seek out a pic of it online. Behold---

I found multiple photos, but this was the best, sharpest one. It's a pity though, that no one has a night time shot of it, because that's what really mesmerised me (to the point of me nearly driving off the road) the giant red glowing scrawl against the night sky. It was lovely.

In the course of tracking down that photo, I found a message board convo about Salem NH supermarkets. It mentioned how there were plans to tear down this DeMoulas. The concensus on this seemed to be" O, frabjous day! Calloooo Callay!" and much joyful chortling. In other words, most everybody was enthused at the prospect of a more modernized supermarket. I, on the other hand, am bummed out that I didn't go in this supermarket (I did 2 drive-bys). I may never get the chance now. Well, perhaps,if I had gone in, I would find myself on the pro-demolishment bandwagon. Maybe it's really gross in there, and dusty, and run down. If so, than I concur with the masses: tear that mo-fo down. But if shiny & sparkly & well-maintained then...well, I find something very appealling about outdated interiors. I would love to have a supermarket 'round here that had something of that orange checkered 1975 aesthetic. I'm a sucker for retro. I like modern things too, but don't you have to have its opposite in order to appreciate it?

what I've learned from snacking & browsing YouTube

It is easy to dub old episodes of Sesame Street because of how the Muppet mouths just flop open & shut without forming any distinguishable letters. This can sometimes yield amusing results. For instance--


　
　There were a few others that amused me, but I thought that one was a good pick to share because it is a quickie. And brevity is the soul of wit...I do believe that...you could never tell by the way I blather on, but I really, truly do.

A good (but not good-for-you) snack for a something salty hankerin' is Utz Gourmet Dark Russet Potato Chips. They are EXCELLENTE. I like Utz anyways. They make great cheez balls.
OR if you'd rather a sinful chocolate fix, try Moose Munch mini milk chocolate bars from Harry & David. Actually, you may as well get a big Moose Munch bar, because if you eat one of the minis, you shan't be able to stop until you've eaten 10 or 11 more.

Crashers!!

I do (reluctantly) tear my attention away from cutesy-wootsy bear puppets from time to time and ponder actual, real news. I'm right now intrigued by this Salahi couple from D.C. who crashed a state dinner.

I'm kind of irked about how several articles I've read have officials keeping mum on account of an impending criminal investigation. Now, I presume this means investigating the Salahis as criminals. To which I say...oh pishawww.

To be sure they *are* gaudy fame whores. I mean, the fact that they are trying to land on one of those vile Real Housewives shows predisposes me to think ill of them. Many of the ilk I see on such reality shows kinda call to mind the two a-holes characters that Jason Sudekis & Kristen Wiig do on SNL. So, chances are,I would find this couple annoying in an evilly vapid sort of way. But one TV commentator was trying to draw comparisons between the Salahis and the Heeneys and that is off the mark...as well as a skoach harsh, methinks. The Heeneys exploited their cute little son, terrified a nation of sympathetic mommies, and sucked up beaucoup dinero & manpower for their little hoax. This Salahi stunt does not compare. I suppose it scares people because these guys could have been crazies, they could have started moshing or, worse, screaming and flinging poo at high-ranking dignitaries or whatnot. But ultimately, these were some very benign crashers. To me,their stunt was just...well, rascally, would be the best adjective I can apply. The whole episode has a kind of Ferris Bueller vibe to it and it feels to me unnecessary to punish the Salahis. I think what the Salahis deserve is a tsk-tsky finger wag aimed their way and a firm "Don't do it again, you little shits!" I mean, is it weird/misguided of me to think what they did was kinda awesome?? I suppose so.
Well, 'tis not to say that I'm all permissiveness. I do think some asses require kickage....and those asses are all employed by the US government. I mean, if a smooth line of B.S. is all you need to attain a close -range tete a tete with the Prez...well, that's damned problematic.

This story got me remembering this Buckingham Palace invasion I read about that happened back in the early 80s. Well the UK tale is considerably scarier (though resolved without much harm to anyone) I guess the two incidents just link themselves in my mind because they're both instances of CRRRAP security work where we should be doing our very best job.

I do wonder what ever became of Michael Fagan... I hope he got the help he needed (especially since he's a father of four)

Head up my ARSE --usually I notice these things

It's only recently come to my attention that Snuggle, detergent-shilling bear extraordinaire, went out and got himself a dadburn makeover!! I mean, not like, this week, recently, but it's been within 2009 that it has come to my attention. At first I was contemplating the makeover itself, basically the big question of do I prefer today's Snuggy Bear OR Snuggle Classic? But then I was look for visual aides for this post, hoping that some article or blog post out there on the interwebs might have broached this subject already and would provide me with a before & after split screen shot (no dice. I had to make my own split screen in Paint with screen caps from YouTube). I did find a NY Times article about this makeover (no pics in it though) and I was stunned--nay, FLABBERGASTED -- to read that this change dates back to **2003**!! What the whaaa?? Things like that do not usually evade my radar...

So what do y'all think? New & "improved" Snuggle or Snuggle Classic? Or fuck the both of 'em, you like Corduroy? Just jestin' The latter is not an option.

You know, I felt at the outset, that my answer was going to be Snuggle Classic, simply because in most cases I tend to prefer things retro style... 9.5 times outta 10 I do. For instance, don't even get me ranting about what Fisher Price has done to their Little People!!

However, in the case of Snuggle I actually like the new bear. There's something cuter about the beady eyes + big dweeby ears combination he's now got goin' on.

Absolutely my *FAVE* Celeb News Du Jour

In analogy form: Ham is to Paula Deen as football is to Marcia Brady. Here be the write-up.

Believe it or not, I do like Paula Deen and I found her home furnishings collection to be surprisingly chic (judging from the wee glimpse of it I got flipping through a potty-adjacent Ladies Home Journal at my sister's) but nevertheless, people getting hit in the face with hams = DAAAAMN FUNNY. That is an empirical fact, Jack. Unless the face-ham collision results in surgery or brain injury.

Then it's just funny...sans "damn" and no caps-lock.

JILLY--BY MY COMPUTER CLOCK THAT WAS PUBLISHED AT 11:58PM EST. (Right at the very last minute...in keeping with my usual M. O.)

as promised...

...buuugggghhhh, I'm still feeling rather blogstipated, but I'm just going to start stream-of-conscience blathering about random, inconsequential crap, and hopefully that will "prime the pump"

I was SOOO horribly hagged out today. Granted it was our bi-monthly ok-to-wear-jeans day, but I took casual Fri to a WHOLE. 'NUTHA. LEVEL. Seriously, I made Nick Nolte's mugshot look hubba hubba. For the record, I would *never* have gone out somewhere after work looking like that, not even on an errand to Walgreens, but the fact that I'm apathetic to looking like sleestack guano at the office...well, I hate to concur with those dress-code-section-of-the-employee-handbook authors, but yes, my mode of dress and grooming is a reflection of my attitude toward the VNA. I'M OVERWORKED AND UNDERPAID, BITCHES!! Please, send me home for dissheveledness--I beg ya to.

As you'd likely presumed, I did not wear makeup today. And I've sprouted this facial blemish that is oddly positioned midway between the corner of my right eye and my right temple. So, as it happens, I do need to make a run to Walgreens...to avail myself of some sort of cover-up stick. I suppose, until I procure some, I do have black eyeliner --maybe I could morph it into a sort of homage-to-Audrey Horne beauty mark.

Tomorrow I'm going Christmas shopping-up to Williston, I think-with my Mom, my sister, the 4 kiddos, & my Aunt Laurel. So I'm assuming it's not going to be all that productive. I really do my best shopping on my own (a lone wolf) but I work pretty well in a group of 2 or 3. But tomorrow I probably won't get anything accomplished and I think I'll go out solo on Sunday. Not sure where I'll go on Sunday, but I'm thinking about checking out this mall . I gotta figure out how to find it, but after successfully making the 5 hr trek down & back from Elizabeth NJ last weekend, I'm feeling damned intrepid. (I had me a bit of a mini-holiday last weekend- toured a bit of NJ & NYC. You can check out the pics here. It's very nearly a photo-essay, I got so longwinded in my captions) I became smitten with the Tom-Tom I was borrowing. Although the one I had was a very entry-level bottom-of-the-line device. The one I added to my Amazon wish list was the TomTom ONE 140-S , which is a couple notches better.

But back to Christmas shopping: Ho HO HUMMmmm...ZZzzz. I am considerably less than stoked. Can't get in the holiday spirit. But I feel like I oughtta get myself in the spirit because, as one of my annoying coworkers annoyingly pointed out: only 3 more paychecks until Christmas. I *really* do love the sights & sounds & traditions of Christmas, very much so, but I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed at the outset. I always resolve to simplify Christmas, really enjoy it, but not go overboard with it, but I have this image in my head of the holiday season being like double Dutch jumproping or a whirlpool-- once you get into it, you're in it, and powerless over what the pace is, regardless of what your initial intentions were. OK, I confess..I have no firsthand experience whatsoever when it comes to Double Dutch. I've seen it done on Sesame Street though, and probably in a few other places on the telly and I think I get the general idea (idea, yes. In practice though, I suspect I would crack a femur *and* manage to get myself strangled) I do know a thing or two about whirlpools. Well, not naturally occurring ones, I should specify. Growing up, my family always had Labor Day parties at my Uncle Bud's house. During these festivities, all the cousins thought it just incredibly, unspeakably fun to run circles around the inner perimeter of the above-ground pool there. And run, and run (more like jog..the water resistance prevents you from a flat-out sprint, obviously. There was a lot of dramatic slo-mo running like I imagine I'd have seen in Chariots of Fire had I ever bothered to check that flick out. Not really into sporty movies...but I digress) until we'd manufactured a mighty current and then we'd just bob along in a circular motion, chortling at what clever little moppets we were . Whaddya want ? It was an above ground swimming pool--hardly the venue for swim races.

Anyways, the holiday season is something like that. Except with me hemorrhaging massive amounts of dinero. On a positive note though, I spelled "hemorrhaging" right on the first try without consulting a dictionary (until afterwards, to see if I got it right. And I did!! "Hemhorrhage" is a tricky bastard of a word...as is "hemorrhoid")

One thing I am excited about for the holidays is this TV special. Some people get all riotous over vampires and werewolves macking on sulky teenage outcast chicks... but I geek out over Cranford (and the like) Actually, if there was a specialty cable channel that played Brit lit adaptations/ period romance sort of fare, I might just be motivated to start paying for cable...

I also don't believe...

I've had a posting drought of nearly 1 month. I'm so disappointed in meself!

I don't believe it!!

I don't get this--I thought his 'roid phase was around the early 90s?