A quick browse thru Carol Wright Gifts...

I feel blogstipated.

Perhaps I simply expend too much energy on the oh-so-ubiquitous FACEBOOK. I dunno. Well, whatever the cause, I fear I must do something gimmicky just to crank out a post and prime the proverbial post pump. Knowwhaddimean??

So here are a few things that caught my eye in the Carol Wright catalog. And no, this is not a repeat from April. This is the REEEEMIIIIIIX!! (haaa)


First off, some stuff I could probably use--


I colored my hair last weekend and just did NOT have the attention span to forge through the hellah ponderous instructions. Test on your skin....section your hair...blahdee blah blah. So f-ing labor intensive, I thought. And I always wonder--trifling detail here-- why haircolor instrux always, ALWAYS have you snip the tip off the coloring squirt bottle, then add in the colorant from bottle B, and shake with your gloved fingertip over the squirt hole. Why not shake-mix the 2 fluid components in the squirty bottle with its tip UNsnipped? Wouldn't that reduce the risk of accidentally drizzling your bathroom counter with haircolor whilest mixing??

Ah, but I digress. I wound up just slopping the mixture arbitrarily on my head (ohhh, section, schmection!!) and lathering it about shampoo-style. It looks alright, but I realize my technique was grossly inept. This brush might be just the thing I need.
-------------------------------------------------------------------



This thing is another "just the thing I need". I can be a damned messy eater at times. Unfortunately, if you are donning one of these anytime in your post-high chair, pre-nursing home years, you in danger of being scoffed. Scoffed at. Shit..I don't think scoff works very well as a passive verb. But "scorn" is too strong a word. Well, ya get the idea, don'tcha?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I probably could use this, but I'm going to hold off until I develop a truly Grade A wattle. For some reason, I feel like if I owned this, it's something I'd happen to have kicking around in my car and one day I'd just feel compelled to do it at a traffic light and would be busted by someone in another lane.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That possibly seems a far-fetched scenario (me, wattle-toning in traffic) but I actually *did* find myself preening my lady 'stache in the Taco Bell drive-thru one day. I don't think anybody saw me. However, it occured to me , mid-preen, that I could be on CCTV video surveillance, and what a funny shot that would be if anyone ever reviewed that footage. I dunno, it's probably unlikely that they bother with fast food drive-thru video surveillance in my podunk neck of the woods, but I feel pretty sure they do it some places. After all, when some psycho jackass pops a cap in a Wendy's drive-thru lackey because he couldn't get extra buffalo sauce, don't they always have some grainy footage of it for the local network news affiliate??

Well, I didn't actually pick the "Wizzit" because I foresaw segue possibilities. Actually I just wanted to mock the chick modelling the Wizzit. It's probably not her fault that she is giving potential buyers a total unrealistic imagining of themselves using the Wizzit. One does not make this dreamy smiley face when engaged in unwanted facial hair removal. And furthermore...what the @#$%^ is she looking at? When I do this, I am looking at my philtrum follicles...or the reflection of them in the mirror, rather, but that still has me directing my gaze downwards...

Looks as if the Wizzit coulda totally been Photoshopped into this shot...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

nothing smartass to say about this, really. It's just that letters-as-trains give me flashbacks to this Sesame Street clip

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Per Carol Wright (she pens all the catalog copy, you know!) the new leopard and zebra prints available for Snuggie are "super-stylish!" I think the print is good idea, but not because I'm any sort of Snuggie fashionista, or because I want something Rrrrawr! to wear on the next Snuggie Pub Crawl, but I think these would work for camoflaging the common Snuggie splotches of shame. Let's face it... you own a Snuggie, it's quite likely you snack in your Snuggie...now, that may not be a fact you want glaringly evident on said Snuggie. That leopard print in particular would be handy for hiding dribbles of Ben & Jerry's... depending on your flavor of choice.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't know if you can read the schpiel on these slippers. In case you can't, lemme give you the first line of it: "Laugh with joy when you wrap your feet in these 80% cotton / 20% terry comfort wrap slippers"

Ok, first off Carol, it's a little rhetorically clunky to use "wrap" twice in the same sentence. But that's the least of the oddness here. It's that "Laugh with joy" bit... seems like you might have been a smidge burnt out by the time you got to writing this copy and overextended yourself a bit trying to keep it clever (and it somehow, inexplicably, makes me think of Chinese menu writing. I guess oriental cuisine has an abundance of "joy" and "delight" in it) Ok, so it's not J Peterman caliber over-the-top, but it's still stupid.

Oh, and if this is not overstating things, and Carol Wright customers seriously do "laugh with joy" when they put on slippers , then...then....I just don't know. Multiple choice then--
a) These people reeeeally appreciate the simple pleasures. Good for them!!
b) These people ARE simple. Good for them (being able to procure mail-order slippers by themselves)!!
c) These people are probably deranged
d) The episode where Mr Belvidere tried to smuggle a pygmy marmoset into a bowling alley-- HILARIOUS!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm just curious to know.... does a cupcake that is "25 times larger than normal cupcakes" not then qualify for bona fide "CAKE" status?

The people buying this thing need to show some g-d ingenuity and make a HAMBURGER CAKE. I think I have a circa 1994 Woman's World mag I can loan 'em that has instrux...

rise and fall...on the wings of my dreams

By some crazy fluke of the iPod shuffle, I was surprised by the theme song to "Perfect Strangers" on my drive home from work tonight. I indulged in a spot of unrestrained dorkitude and cranked it up & sang along.

I know it's not much of a post, but I wanted to give y'all a little somethin'-somethin'...

answer the phone SMILING (ugh..)

We had a ridiculously long meeting today. Actually it was customer service training... 4 1/2 hours of it. I guess, if you're a total customer service ninny, 41/2 hours is not at all excessive. But I'm an ace at lyin--umm, er, I mean an ace at good customer service practices. So I paid more attention to my very thorough note taking.

I'll share with you here all that I learned---

Kanye West doesn't care about Country Music People

I'm kinda amused at the disporportionate amount of Kanye backlash after this recent VMA faux pas. Yeah, it was assholey, he's a rude dog, etc. etc. Y'all new here? Kanye gets that way sometimes. I like the guy anyways, so I'm predisposed to let his recurring "bouts" slide.

So, yeah, I'll admit to some bias. But come on...it's not like he stabbed anybody!! I swear, usually I get more annoyed by a celebrity's post f*ck-up apology junket than I am by the original offense. No doubt Kanye will soon be en route to the Vatican to get papal clemency. Geez.

That Taylor Swift --even though I think she's exemplary of all that is shitty and unbearable in modern music--she is an innocuous little moppet isn't she? A cutesie-wootsie waif of a girl. It was almost like clubbing a baby seal up there. He could NOT have picked a worse target. I seriously doubt the outcry would be so intense if he'd interrupted Green Day or been rude to Russell Brand.

I kinda feel like starting a rumor that Beyonce paid Kanye West to do that. I mean, not only was he spewing pro-Beyonce propaganda, but later she got to right the grave injustice thereby sending her Q rating through the dang roof. You know if that story gains footing, it would somewhat exonerate KW, because, yes, he was a d-bag to Taylor Swift, but it was downright noble how he refrained from ratting out Beyonce. Right? That damn DIABOLICAL Beyonce. All her fault. Remember that. Tell your friends . .. .

Choppity Chop on the Library Construction Fellahs!

I have been saying for aaaages that it would be a wise & (most of all) frugal move for me to get a library card. But I just haven't got around to it (of course I haven't!! Like sooo many other things).

Then, I found myself interested in this building project they're doing on Main St in West Leb, ogling it every time I drove past. I had no idea what it was until August, when they finally put up signage proclaiming it was the future site of The Kilton Public Library. I thought-- ahhh, kismet!! Here, I've been somewhat fixated on this building and it happens to be a library-in-progress...must be the library of my dreams, the one I was MEANT to be affiliated with.

I wish they'd hurry up and wrap it up though, as my DVD & book spending has been a li'l out of control lately. Although some of the the DVD purchases have been pretty sweet deals. Here be a list--

--DVD s--
*Enchanted ($6 at Price Chopper)
*Schoolhouse Rock (yep, "Conjunction Junction" and all that. I couldn't resist!)
*My Favorite Wife (I've read that it's a great Cary Grant fix...and I do love me some pre-1960s Cary Grant. BONUS: it was a mere $3 at Big Lots. Huzzzah!!)
*The Cheap Detective ($4 @ Price Chopper. And I'd been looking for this one!!)

I came thisclose to buying a DVD of Follow That Bird. I just love that movie. My fave part is Chevy Chase's cameo as an anchorman.

--BOOKS--
*Company of Liars/by Karen Maitland (just finished this one up. It was a very compelling read but BLEAK)
*The Seven Percent Solution / by Nicholas Meyer
*Domino / Ross King
*The Grass Harp / Truman Capote
* Breakfast at Tiffany's /Truman Capote
*Sister Carrie / Theodore Dreiser
*The Saga of Erik the Viking / Terry Jones (yes, that Terry Jones--the Python. I did a browse through the book and was shocked to find it not all that funny. Still, the illustrations were pretty decent and it looked like a good adventure tale, so I bought it for my nephew...am planning to save it to be a Christmas gift. We'll see if I can hold out)
*What Do You Do Dear?/Sesyle Joslin
*What Do You Say Dear? / Sesyle Joslin (the 2 Joslin books, I'd bought for my nieces & neph and I absolutely ADORE them. "What Do You Say Dear" is slightly better, but they're both so good that I had to snatch them up when I saw them both available. The ones I bought before I had to go thru Amazon. Methinks I'm going to give it to my friend's daughter..Madison..who is only 8mos old at this point, but I feel one is never too young to start amassing a kickass library. I already bought her Margaret Wise Brown's Little Fur Family which is MAAAAD adorable --like the board book equivalent of a baby seal eating cupcakes on a rainbow.)

Bon Appetit!!

Went to see Julie & Julia today. It was a totally adorable movie. Amy Adams somehow made utter unabated self-involvement very loveable, and awesome Meryl Streep was at her awesomest, and I quite enjoyed it. However, that said....

I wonder if I should resent the movie for giving this hyper-idyllic portrayal of matrimony and a CRAZY unrealistic representation of the male gender (thereby fiddling with my expectations, even if my rational self wants to keep them low)

I mean, the husband characters in this movie--selfless! Saintly!! Superhuman!! (insert more fine traits that begins with S here) Especially that Paul Child. Holy shit... I mean, when I first hopped online tonight, I had to do a bit of biographical research about the Childs' homelife. For some perverse reason, I was looking for rumblings of impropriety on his part--him having an affair or him being an opium addict and tormentor of small woodland creatures..I dunno. I swear though, everything written about the guy (that I could find) shows him as doting, loving, UBER-supportive. But, DAMN, I can hardly wrap my head around *that* --how jaded am I??

keep yer eye on the sparrow

What boy—in his right mind and that is *not* a performance artist of some sort---wants to be named SPARROW??

That’s what Nicole Richie & Joel Madden (I started to type “John Madden” …now THAT would be a story, eh??) named their newborn bundle of joy. Yep, it is really a boy bundle of joy. Well, it’s not like I’ve seen it, and can firsthand verify, but I get this from Yahoo’s OMG! page and they’s SUPER reputable, right?

I think perhaps they were trying to be slant rhymey with their kids’ names—Harlow, Sparrow…see what I mean? Expect #3 to be named Nardo (in keeping with the slant rhyme pattern & also in homage to Marilu Henner’s Taxi character). Garbo would be good, and would match the old Hollywood glamour feel that their firstborn’s name has (I like the name Harlow actually) but after them naming a little boy Sparrow, I don’t hold out much hope for their judgement. It’s a moot issue anyhow…I’d be stunned if these two procreated AGAIN. The expiration date on that romance has to be rollin’ around anyday now, don’tcha think?

...it's not just for bears anymore!!

I feel I should throw in a disclaimer that this is one icky anecdote that anyone in their right mind would label a “keep-it-to-yourselfer”. It’s pretty damned embarrassing, but I decided as a public service, to NOT keep it to myself. Could do wonders for somebody’s self esteem ( y’ know, give ‘em a standby consolation of: “ah, well..at least I’m not *that* girl…”)

Monday I met up with a friend who was in town from CT and we had a late lunch at Lui Lui’s (Italian food—yum). I had the Antipasto Della Casa, which the waitress made a point of pointing out was a GINORMOUS platter of food. It is a big platter, but not really that much food, especially when I skip the olives, the green peppers, the roasted red peppers, and 50% the time, the artichokes. I know she wanted me to be an informed orderer, but she could have been a bit more subtle/ artful about mentioning that I was ordering a gogamagogical ton of food. I mean, as it happens, I’d ordered the antipasto before and knew all that comprised it. I hadn’t eaten a thing yet that day, okay? Plus, I think it was the crème brulee that did me in anyways.
So, yeah….around the time we got back from West Leb, about 2 hrs later, I felt a sort of gastrointestinal roiling . I really did not want to unleash hell in my friend’s mother’s downstairs bathroom. Now, her mum’s house happens to be on a road off Rte 5 that is diagonally across from the start of my sister’s road. To put it more succinctly, I was approx 2 miles away from my sister’s house. And I have befouled her loo many a time…
Rice Road (where mi hermana dwells) is a dirt road but is pretty densely populated for a dirt road (and subsequently, gets a fair amount of traffic). Another thing about Rice Road that I realized as I headed down it Monday evening, is that is in *dire need* of grading. Somehow I had never paid much heed to the zillions of washboards in the road when they were merely wrecking my car’s suspension. But now that they were jostling my guttyworks, I sure as hell took notice. I was only about ½ mile down Rice Rd when, hit with the alarming realization that my clench was not holding up sufficiently , I started eyeing roadside pull-offs . Of course, every single one of them was someone’s driveway. I was in crisis, no doubt, but I was NOT going to pull into somebody’s driveway!

And then, I got to a place where there was a large plot of posted woodland (“NO TRESPASSING” on the signage …I didn’t check the fine print to see if there were any loopholes in regards to scatological emergencies) Even though there was a house on the right side of the road and absolutely nowhere to pull off, it was my now-or-never spot. I parked, right in the lane of travel, shut the car, slapped on my hazard light and dashed into the woods. Or I bolted. I don’t know which verb is a better pick. I do know that it was an unusually rapid rate of ambulation for me.

How awful. That’s probably where someone is planning to build their dream house. I did take care to grab a stick and sweep pine needles over the unsightliness—part apologetic gesture , part homage to my cat.

And then the part that kind of amuses me in retrospect--- I’m coming down out of the woods, and I’m almost to the road and I hear a car approaching. I quickly duck behind a tree that is about half my width. In my terribly insufficient hiding spot, I start mentally chanting “Keep driving, keep driving, keep driving, keeeeeeep driving”. The last thing I needed, at that juncture, was some do-gooder to pull off the road behind my car and be all “You there—in the woods. Got car trouble??” And me, I’d be too caught off guard to come up with a clever answer (“Aw no.. I’m playing hide and seek” or “I lost my contact lens. A hawk stole it.”) and I would’ve at best said “No. I’m fine, thanks. Move along.” At worst…I would’ve disclosed the whole truth.

Lesson learned... always keep your stash of car naps stocked up. I don’t know if I woulda had time to grab some if I did have any but still… a very good idea. (bet you thought it was going to be an antipasto-related lesson didn’t ya?)

for the birds!!

As I was crossing the parking lot on my way in to Borders today, I had my eyes fixed on a patch of mystery debris on the pavement ahead of me. And y'know, I presumed it was just some litter, so I don't know why I was gazing at it so intently.

It was not until I was right on top of it that I realized that it was a flattened crow. Which struck me as so odd. I really don't like birds but have always given them credit for being smart enough (or at least, just quick reflexed enough) to get outta the way of approaching car tires (unlike your average skunk or raccoon...and the occasional cat) Plus this is a parking lot, so traffic is not apt to be coming on so rapidly that one wouldn't have time to react. Chances are the thing was dead already when run over. Fell dead outta the sky? Ate some toxic litter and didn't even make it into the sky before keeling over? Damned ominous, that's what it is.

Nevertheless, I had to call my niece over to gawk at it. "Chloe, come here look at this--it's disgusting!!"

I had this "40% off any book"coupon that Borders emailed me, and I had, at checkout, a $2.50 Golden Book, a $7. kiddie board book, a $6. William Steig anthology, and a $15. paperback for me (I got Karen Maitland's Company of Liars. Haven't heard a thing about it, but just the copy on the back cover intrigued the hell outta me.) Obviously, I wanted that 40% off the novel, but I was expecting they'd give me the discount on the cheapest book in the group. I was even planning to ditch the children's books, check out with just the novel & my coupon, and then go back for the kid's books and go up to pay a second time so that I got the discount applied the way I wanted it. But I got absorbed with watching the kids, and my mother and all that and when we finally all got organized to check out, I forgot my crafty scheme entirely. So as the dude was ringing me up, I said, kinda wincingly, "I suppose the 40% is taken off the cheapest book, eh?" and he goes"No, we take it off the most expensive." To which I exclaimed " AWESOME! THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!"

I think he was taken aback by my vehemence.

To come full circle with the bird motif, I was driving home through Plainfield, and just getting to the part of 12A when you can start driving NORMALLY again (it's a painfully --and needlessly-- poky 30 mph speed limit through the nothin-happening town of Plainfield, then goes to 40 mph limit and then 50 mph.) So I was travelling at 40+ mph , well on my way to 50 mph, and futzing around with my iPod and I glance up to see 3 big fat turkeys in my lane. And there were 4 more on the shoulder. Those jive turkeys are just damned lucky I have such the lightning fast reflexes I do... else they would've been fused to my grill.

last Runway ep. . .

I hate team challenges. Oy.

I was most wowed by Christopher & Logan's output (plus they exhibited some splendid teamwork skillz) and was kinda vexed they weren't even in the top 3.

Even though Mitchell was hanging on by a nano-thread, I was still hoping against hope that Qristal and /or Epperson would get the boot. Such annoying bickering! Such lousy teamwork! And I found Mitchell's candor oddly endearing...he totally copped to slacking off and gave Ramon all the credit he was due. I wish they woulda given him *one more* chance for that. But no. And I suppose it was totally righteous that he be cut. Yeah, it was fair. But still I would've liked it to go the other way...

This distresses me a smidge

Some random guy FB friended me the other day. So I (quickly)took a moment out of my work day to ask him, ever-so-tactfully: who the fuck are you??

Here's how the exchange went--

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sandra September 3 at 10:50am
hey Allen S****. Do I know you??

Allen September 3 at 11:05am Report
well, i saw that you were friends with starr and your picture looks a lot like a lovely girl i dated in high school. Do i have the wrong lady? If so i appoligize for bothering you

Sandra September 3 at 11:20am
Oh, no apology necessary. I thought it entirely possible that I knew somebody and forgot all about them, so addled is my noggin. So I was trying to remember you…and more perplexed than bothered.So—Reader’s Digest version—I am not the lovely ex-g.f. Good luck finding her, though!!

Allen September 3 at 12:36pm Report
lol i went to click on something else and the message i was going to send was gone lol I have no idea if it was sent or what ( damn i hate learning new systems) Anyway in case it wasnt sent , what i said was ..Thank you for the response, I wasnt "looking" per say for the old girlfriend, just remembering with a smile and thought that i might say hello and practice the new facebook skills ( or total lack there of it appears ..lol
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This mutual friend he references is a lady I used to work with at TDC. She is 58 yrs old (or will turn 58 next month) so I kinda assume at the outset that her friends are of that same age group. But then I rationalize: well that's not a certainty. I actually have many older friends, and a number of friends who are younger than me... there's no reason Starr wouldn't have a similiar diversity in her acquaintences.

Then this Allen goes berzerker overboard with the lols and uses the phrase "practice the new facebook skills" and so I'm now 98% positive that this dude is of the AARP set. Oy vey. The moral of the story is .... I NEED A NEW FACEBOOK PROFILE PIC POST HASTE!!

It would seem the current one makes me look like I'm 60. Ohhh feck.

Project Runway

So, I've commenced watching season 6 of Project Runway ...which I heard them tout (just the other night) as "The most talked about season of Project Runway ever!" Very tricky of them, saying that. It totally infers that there's some big drama brewing or astonishing talent catalyzing this "talk" but what everyone is chatting about is "Is Project Runway gonna suck now that it's on sucky Lifetime?"

Well, I'm only 2 episodes into it, but at this juncture, I'd say NO, it does not suck. They didn't particularly change the show that I can see. Although I did think it unusual for Project Runway to be weeding out all the wackadoos at the outset (Ari, Malvin). I think, historically, they've kept the "eccentrics" around 2 or 3 episodes longer than they should stay just because they make for good TV.

Here's some other quick, early impressions...
Christopher Straub-- this dude cannot mention his lack of formal training enough, huh? So OBVIOUSLY they're trying to set him up as some kinda "underdog" figure. Well despite that, he's really done some nice work so far...
Johnny Sakalis-- designated red herring of the season premiere. If this guy was *genuinely* that freaked for challenge #1, then I am skeptical that he'll be around for too much longer...
Louise Black-- Kenley Lite (drama free and no criminal record!!) I like the vintage vibe and I just loved her dress for the pregnancy challenge (it was my favorite one!) but some of her work examples from her gallery on the Project Runway website is a bit offputting. I like my vintage vibe without the side of Goth, please and thank ya...
Irina Shabayeva--Promising... I like her stuff so far...I kinda confuse her with Shirin
Ari Fish-- Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, what , with the no sketching and all her overtly nonconformist standing on her head. Okaaaay. We get it. I am surprised guest judge Lilo didn't react more to her very Sam Ronson-ish vibe...
Nicholas Putvinski-- This guy bugs me. Can't exactly pinpoint why yet..
Mitchell Hall-- Ahhhh, Mitchell. Maybe you oughtta hold off on being so cattily critical (calling Ramon's dress a bowling ball bag? It was on mark perhaps--and backed up by the judges later--but still, he was such a little bitch about it...) Wait until you get your shit together, li'l man...then criticize..
Shirin Askari--Promising... I like her stuff so far...I kinda confuse her with Irina
Gordana Gehlhausen-- She's maybe gonna be the maternal old foreign broad of the crew--Uli redux? I like her submissions for the 1st 2 challenges, particularly her cute little red carpet dress
Carol Hannah Whitfield-- Here we have the second set of interchangeables. This one & Althea get mixed up in my noggin. Cute kid though...
Ra'Mon Lawrence-- reminds me a bit of Season 5 Jerrell...'cept I liked Jerrell more.
Logan Neitzel-- Mehhh. Go home kid.
Malvin Vien-- His first dress was blaaah, and his second dress was O-M-G...but not in a good way. What preggers lady wants to look like a vessel of a ginormo egg? Good, gooood riddance to you, with your Rockadoodle hair.
Qristyl Frazier-- Who the hell said you could spell your name like that? It's absurd! Am also questioning this chick's taste level...not just because one of the judges said something to that effect, but for the more petty reason that Q looks like she dresses herself with sale items from Fashion Bug. Which is fine por moi.... but a rising star of design should really take more care...
Epperson-- token old dude. I can't even remember what he's designed thus far. Sorry, Ep..
Althea Harper-- Good work so far. Tho, like I said, her & Carol Hannah aren't particularly differentiating themselves in my mind.

I discovered in writing this that Lifetime's PR site (which I was accessing to check names and review designs) is pretty damn marvy. On the Rate-the-Runway pics, you can zoom in close and really see the detail & fabric texture & what not...

but speaking of DECENT movies...

.. I watched several on Wednesday when I was outta work sick. The best thing I watched was the magnifico , Neil Simon-scribed, Murder by Death.

I *highly* recommend it.

Mmmkay, so if you've seen the movie and want to fondly rehash some of its best bits, check out my embed below. Ohhh, and I suppose if you don't give much of a rat's arse about my hearty recommendations (which this blog is maybe over-laden with I suppose) and therefore have no intention of seeking out the movie, then you also should go ahead and click the play arrow. Anyone else, that may consider tracking down MbD for purchase/rental... skip my embed (thar be SPOILERS!)




So good! My chum Paul suggested, based on my enthusiasm for MbD, that I would very much like The Magic Christian. So I've been wanting to track that down for a day or two now. And of course, I spied The Cheap Detective on IMDB and am very keen on seeing that one...

The Ugly Truth is...

...that I went by myself to the movies. To see "The Ugly Truth" as it happens. So, you see what I did there, with the title & my circumstances? Haa. So very clever...now at this moment (2:16 AM Eastern Standard Time) so yeah, let us nod to the fact that we are now -- or I am now-- entering into what's considered the "wee small hours of the morning"-- a time when I am highly predisposed to be inordinately amused by myself. Nevertheless: LOL & the like.

So yes. I did go to the movies all by myself Thursday night. Kinda pathetic. But really, I get tired and bored with trying to friggen RECRUIT people for outings . Oftentimes solo society is truly not so bad. (I can just hear those skeptical snorts of "Yeah! Riiiiight..")

"The Ugly Truth" was the only movie playing that I really wanted to see. I find Katherine Heigl kinda likably nerdy. I would consent to this rom-com because of that. I would not (and will not to this day) see PS I Love You. See, I have this inexplicable but nevertheless STRONG aversion to equine Oscar winner Hillary Swank. Sorry, that's *multiple* Oscar winner (and Secretariat look-alike) Hillary Swank. Mah bad! So anyways, I knew I couldn't stomach watching my Gerard Butler be all schmoopy over Swank. Oh yeah, haveI mentioned my longstanding Rrrrrawr for Ger Butler?? It's odd about Ger, actually---- about 60% of the still shots I see of him are rather unimpressive. But to watch him in a film- yumm-o!! And I'm not just having residual twitterpations over his uber-ripped & oily torso in 300 (which is not to say that such residuals wouldn't be totally dogdamned justified!) but really there's a whole slew of movies that he's nice to ogle in. Hell, the movie "Timeline" exists solely for the purposes of ogling Gerard Butler. Ugh.. FOR REALS, amigos....that flick is a rolled up crap crepe with shitty poop filling. THAT bad. So unless you have a *severe* Ger. jones...don't even watch it gratis on TV.
And "The Ugly Truth" is a fine Butler fix. It has some cute moments too...mostly on account of Heigl I must say. But of course it was total formulaic pablum... and really the most predictable of its whole predictable ilk. But yeeeeaah, I liked it (guiltily so). Cinematic junk food. A Peep of a movie.

Oh, forgot to mention...the only showtime for this movie is 9:45pm. Yep, I'm there 9:45pm on a Thursday night. As you can imagine, I didn't exactly have to do battle for a decent seat. Actually, I was surprised when I heard the door open and allow in other moviegoers during the 2nd preview. Or, I thought it was moviegoers... I didn't realize, until after the flick was over and I did an about-face to the EXIT, that actually it was just uno moviegoer. Yep. Just me and one other soul. Some middle aged broad. And it struck me as amusingly apropos...ohhh yes, "The Ugly Truth" is just the sort of movie that a broad goes to see alone. Lovely. As I filed outta the theater after her, I suddenly panicked that if *she *was gonna show *ME* up and out-pathetic me by going home to 5 cats, then I would simply have to cross the parking lot to Price Chopper to buy some cookie dough and commence to eating it raw outta the tube. And with what reading accompaniment, do ya think? Woman's World or True Romance magazine??

Ok..for the record..I did NOT do that...the cookie dough nor the mag.. there was no throwdown showdown of pathetic betwixt me & moviegoing stranger lady

it's a big enough umbrella but it's always me that ends up getting wet

Long time no bloggie. Forgive me. If it's any consolation, I am in a glum place, right now, looking at my first Monday back to work after a week's vacation (my big adventure was a daytrip to NYC. I put the photos on Facebook if ya wanna see). And it's not just a pure I-hate-the-9-to-5-grind sort of dread that I feel upon my return. I get a nervous dread. Kinda like: What did they figure out about me when I wasn't around to watch my own back? I always get that feelin' when I get done a vacation. Paranoid? Perhaps a little.

The other night I was checking the offerings for Comcast On Demand music vids. What I was really in the mood for was classic, back-in-tha- day videos, but I found that even though they had a smattering of vids in a "Totally 80s" category from VH1 Classsic, they didn't really have anything that great (Eddie Money, anyone? mehh.) However, I did enjoy this one--



Not my *fave* Police song (though I do like it) and I really like best the music vids with storylines. That said though, you can't help but like this. Goofy antics from a gaggle of rather cute fellahs...what's not to like. Well, in Sting's case, "rather cute" is rather an understatement. Every time I see Sting (even modern-day old Sting) I am struck anew with " Wow, I forgot what a fox he is. Yumm-o!" And Sting circa 1981 is at optimum yumminess. Really, the most marvelous thing about this video is that Sting makes an Ed Norton hat + short sleeve sweatshirt= DAMN sexy. Not everyone can achieve that!!

coffee table book-palooza

I am a hopeless collector of coffee table books. It's not that I must have EVERY book proffered in the Borders Bargain Corral, but I have been unable to resist many, many, many of 'em.

I think the genre name "coffee table books" significantly limits these books. It was no less than a stroke of GENIUS for me to take 3 of my "coffee table book" collection and install them in the magazine rack in the bathroom of my folks' house. Yes, there is a magazine rack in there. Not only is there a magazine rack, but it goes much deeper than that. Said rack is the lower half of a mini island next to the toilet, planned &built by my very own grandfather when he built the house. So there you have it. Reading on the shitter is IN MY GENES.

Magazines are all well and good, but don't your eyes kinda glaze over and you get annoyed/bore (bore-noyed) with 4month old mags when you've perused 'em 20 or 30 times before?? So why not trash 'em all and instead have some fine nonfiction lit? You can get some educational input whilest making with some, err, output.

One of the books I put in the potty-island 'zine rack is American Songbook. I kinda dig folk music like that (partly because lots of it has a backstory...y'know the whole oral history aspect of folk music) I find myself amused with how at the top left hand corner of these songs is ....well, it's kind of like stage direction . An adverbial/adjectival clause to clue you in the manner in which you should belt out the following song. For example-- America the Beautiful? The top lefthand corner word is "MAJESTICALLY". Swing Low Sweet Chariot: "WITH FEELING". For some reason, The Yellow Rose of Texas is "SPIRITED" but Dixie is "WITH SPIRIT". Hmmm, I suppose there is some subtle difference there.

It might be amusing to do a parody songbook where the only parts that were parody were those stage direction words. Just put the most befuddling things you can there to confound anyone who might genuinely look to those for guidance. Yeees, sing this next one "Quixotically but with a soupçon of skepticism"

One of my best c.t.bk finds was at this year's *magnifico* Five Colleges Booksale. Thing is FRIGGEN GINORMOUS, so I'm afraid it would quite overwhelm the potty-island zine rack. It's Terence Conran's House Book circa 1974. Despite its publication date, there is barely anything in this book that is too faaaaaar out dated. Lots of cool design. So this is what passes for fun for me and my sister... a few nights after I got this we paged through the whole fatty brick of a book --448 illustrated pages --- and played a game of "Okay, I'm locked in on which one I like best. Guess which one's my fave."

Yeah, we're both so old and dullsville we didn't even turn that into a drinking game. (Nooo! I like the dark beadboard with the No. 14 chairs and stained glass light fixture. Do a shot of Jäger!!)

Tea with Mona Lisa

The most interesting news story I saw today.

I like its brief history of attacks on art (art attacks..haaa) and also that it mentions Stendhal Syndrome which is damned interesting and happens to be referenced in the book I'm reading (Diary by Chuck Palahniuk)

recommended reading

Don't ask me how, but I got to reading up on Spring Heeled Jack today. I'd heard of him before, but the refresher course was compelling. It's some fascinating shit..

I'll share here a bizarro pic to rouse your curiosity (rouse it enough to conquer your link-o-phobia, yes I mean you, Jill)

the freaky and the geeky

One of my coworkers just joined Facebook and friended me. This coworker--Eileen-- I think I may have groused about her before. I do disparage her from time to time, but I can't manage to do so without winding up with this thick residue of GUILTY all over me. She is nothing but nice to me, and in general is 100% good will toward one and all. I feel I must be petty and/or evil to be irked by her but nevertheless.. .. yeah...she is so geeky it pains me.

For one thing, she's got this excessive enthusiasm about EVERYTHING. I gave her like, 4 large binder clips for a project and that evoked 2 minutes of "Oh WOW. Thank you. These are great. Aren't these great? They work really really well. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Wow." Please note here that though I may have a mile-wide mean streak, I do work to suppress it. Therefore, I limit my response to "You're welcome, Eileen" and refrain from adding "just simmer the hell down, wouldja?"

REEEEALLY vexing is her propensity for looking over my shoulder at my computer screen. She doesn't even attempt sneakiness. She'll inquire as to what page I'm on. "Ah, well, Eileen, I'm not supposed to be pissing away company time on the internet right at the moment, but ohhh sure...why don't I send you the link??"

Also she does this thing when someone's cell phone goes off. Y'know it's embarrassing enough when you forget to shut off your cell at work (or neglect to switch it to vibrate) but when one goes off in the office with its own unique tune or tone or whatever, Eileen invariably goes "WHAT is THAT??" But not joking, or like she's trying to tactfully ask "Who's the stupid schmoe who left their cell on & unattended?" She says this--everytime-- like she's genuinely bewildered. I really don't know how someone over the age of 6 can get this far into the 21st century and not recognize what a fucking cell phone sounds like. If she wasn't proficient in Microsoft Excel, I might seriously suspect she was a golden retriever trapped in a person body.

Anyways, all that grousing (possibly re-grousing...I can't remember all my past blathering) just to preface the fact that she friended me on Facebook. And OF COURSE I accepted. I haven't the spine to reject anybody (consequently I have a lot of WTFs on my Friends list, lemme tell ya) I accepted with a feeling just like I felt when I friended my aunt. Like, I'd known for weeks she'd gotten on FB, but was blissfully ignoring the fact, when two of my cousins "recommended her " to me. I dunno what kind of pushy asshat does such a thing (my cousins, apparently). So that ended my run of pretending not to know she was on Facebook, so I friended her...with mucho reluctance.

Now on to the freaky... I was accessing this patient file to check for insurance info (don't worry, am not going to divulge any names here...no HIPAA violations on this bloggity blog!!) and on the first page of a patient profile, there's this space "Non-clinical Notes" it's called. In there we input little helpful hints such as "if no answer to your knock, walk in. Door is open, patient slow to get up" or "Make sure you don't let the cats out!" Well, I happened to catch a glimpse of the nonclinical note for this particular patient and it read: PATIENT & HUSBAND HAVE A MONKEY THEY CONSIDER A CHILD; PLEASE REFER TO IT THAT WAY.

Ooookay. I'm mildly weirded out by just the first sentence, but concede that I am a bit biased on account of some anti-monkey sentiment I harbor. I mean, freakin' monkeys KILLED THE DEPUTY MAYOR OF NEW DELHI. Okay, this was some time ago, (2007)and I wasn't particularly close with the deputy mayor, but nevertheless, it's an apt example of what crazy unpredictable mo-fos monkeys can be. I, personally, would *NOT* keep one for a pet. Ok, that said, I can be open minded (when I try hard) and allow: some people like filthy monkeys ...and like 'em enough to domesticate them. And OK--people get very schmoopy about their pets, think of them as their "babies". ...still passing for semi-normal here. It's that last sentenece, though, that gets me, makes me wonder about this lady's relations with reality (or lack thereof). So now everytime I read this patient's name (during my day-to-day med supply ordering duties) I hafta chuckle and wonder just how our nurses' visits there go. I wonder what kind of hell breaks loose if they mistakenly refer to the pet monkey as...(gasp!) a pet monkey.

crafty crafty

Today I went with my friend Roxanne to the League of NH Craftsman craft fair held at Sunnapee Mtn. Resort. I enjoyed that I was hanging out with Roxanne, and that it was a lovely day outside, but aside from that I had trouble enjoying myself.

OK the crafts-- the crux of the whole shindig. They were beautiful. But I'm not the kind of person ( I wish I was) that can just admire beautiful goods up for sale and be perfectly content that she can't buy any of it. I have $40 to my name this weekend. That's it. So yeah, in light of that fact, it was highly moronic of me to go to this craft fair in the first place. Roxanne pitched the idea, and I just wanted to have somewhere to be.

First off, they charge you a $10 admission fee and that set me off in a bad mood. In fact, it occurred to me more than once today that I really seemed to be channelling my Dad. OK to be fair, I don't know how it feels to be my Dad. But, what seems apparent if you observe the behaviors of an Arthurias Sandrasdadopithicus in the wild, is that : 1. Everything is overpriced and that is highly vexing and 2. Flatlanders are annoying. Try as I might to suppress it, that was TOOOOOTALLY me today. Why were they charging $10 admission for you to walk around and spend money? What the fuck was I getting for my $10? The food was overpriced, and it wasn't all that high-qual if you ask me.
The crafts, they were damned expensive, but that didn't annoy me exactly. Well, it annoyed me that I didn't have any $$ to spend on them, but I wasn't annoyed at the prices being so high. I mean, I do appreciate things that have been crafted with care, individually handmade, such a tremendous contrast to the mass-produced cookie-cuttered out of CRAP over in China fare that is ubiquitous in our country nowadays. Here's the funny thing--I don't know if it's ironic...(I always struggle with the definition of that word, and I know I can blame much of that confusion on Ms. Alanis Morrissette) it qualifies perhaps as a "Catch 22" Even though I esteem what is tailor made, fine quality, and hand crafted ,and purveyors of the like are the sort of businesses that I would like to support with my hard earned $$....I only have enough hard earned $$$ to load up with the mass-produced crap that kind of saddens me...begrudgingly perpetuating an economy of mass-produced crap shillers. Ok, I know "catch 22"s like I know irony...but that fer sure qualifies as a "pissah".

Ohmigod that crowd there today. Massachussets must've been empty along with a good chunk of CT & NY. I try to give everybody a fair shake and on principle, I would *never* judge a person based on what state was on their license plate. But some of these people there..(late middle aged ladies in particular) ..I swear, their decibel levels are about 10 notches above everyone else's... they also seem to perambulate as if they believe themselves to be in a vaccuum. I dunno, maybe they were from NH... (yeah, ok, that's totally my inner give-the-benefit-of-the-doubt Pollyanna wannabe talking...none of these broads were from NH, VT, or ME)

epicurean findings

Ohhh, lest your inner foodie get all excited, I should warn you at the outset that I have some very lowbrow eats on the docket. No haute cuisine reviews here.

I bought these in KMart:

Not only did I love the little chortle-fits that that name sends me into, the little crackers are crab-shaped!! How could I *&%^#ing RESIST? (I couldn't) Flavor-wise, it's basically generic cheezits with yummy crabby spices added.

I have long been a fan of magic shell. That is some awesome and truly magical shit. However I just recently discovered that it can actually be improved upon when my sister bought...

I guess the chocolate has a hint o' caramel in it (which, I'll be honest, I can't taste) but it's the pecan crunchies that really make this kick so much ass. And I don't even like pecans!! Or I never have, anyways. Apparently when they're crushed up finely and awash in a sea of chocolate, I don't have a problem with them...

Lastly, I am also raving about Wendy's Sweet & Spicy Asian Chicken. Am hoping they make it a permanent addition to the menu (don't think they're planning on that though). It's sort of in the tradition of General Tsao's Chicken only BETTER than any General Tsao's I've ever ordered. And I'm somewhat of an afficianado, as that used to be my go-to entree to order back when I ordered lots of Chinese food (Mexican food has since surpassed that as my preferred cuisine )

Pictoral Evidence

I was explaining to Kara today (At work..via totally work-irrelevant emails--VAAA) how although Ernie (yes, SESAME STREET Ernie) most likely has higher approval ratings than Bert, it is unfair and Bert's bad rep as an uptight prig is totally unwarranted. It's not directly addressed on the show at all, but Ernie.. ...kind of a bastard.


Behold: exhibits A-E

Wonder how long he's going to make Bert sit there, holding perfectly still, for no good reason. What--a--BASTARD!


Niiiice, real nice. Not only are you totally ignoring your fallen--possibly injured-- "friend", but you then proceed to nearly rollerskate over a squirrel !! Bastard.



Hogging all the bromo-fizz or whatever the hell's in the tall glass. He probably made Bert pay for it too. .... bastard.

What the hell is this all about? Bert, here, is secretly upset and putting on a faux happy face. He doesn't want to upset others, or admit to being upset or whatever...pretty normal. Ernie is gleeful and making himself look sad? 'Sup with that ploy? Manipulative bastard.






Oh, but here we see he is not ALL smiles & good natured self-centeredness. He's also a bastard with a temper. A jealous bastard with a temper.

Yaaay! I've been hoping for this!!

I'm stoked for August 4th. SO very necessary!!

recent dispatches..

Some more email voyeurism. Me in Courier, Paul in Lucida Grande, editorial notes bracketed and in italics--
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[from 7/23]

I don’t know why that line outta Shawna amused me so (“Are you into wicker?”) I’m compiling facts for the hypothetical personal ad she could take out if only she weren’t happily wed.

So far I’ve got the phrases “Movie watchers need not apply” & “Must love wicker!!” in there, but it needs a bit more text.

It’s a pretty bizarre question- not something that oen normally considers one’s self “in to”


Yeah- makes me thing of the Pina Colada song, or some variation on that theme.

Also reminds me of the old Louie Anderson joke about how he heads straight for the wicker furniture when visiting friends’ houses.

And I heard some sort of visceral reaction when I used the phrase “Waves a dead chicken over them”…

The Pina Colada song is waaay ridiculous (though I do love it, inexplicably). I feel like a real life version of that scenario would not end in a good chuckle but with somebody getting their car keyed at best…at worst, someone’s gonna smash a hurricane glass on the edge of the bar and then get stabby.

I’ve similar feelings about Human League’s “Don’t You Want Me”
I LOOOOOVE that song.

I think it’s considerably more realistic than “Pina Colada” though.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from Monday 7/27]
…for some fool reason, I was reading up on Dr Oetker. I have eyeballed Dr O products in the store before (their baking mixes mostly, their frozen pizza looks weird) but hadn’t bought any ‘til yesterday when I picked up some of their chocolate mousse mix. Well, as if chocolate mousse wasn’t guilt-inducing enough on its own, I now know that Dr Oetker was a big time Nazi company in the 30s. NAZIS MADE MY CHOCOLATE MOUSSE!!

How positively horrid.

As for other product-shilling docs, I finally did see some Dr Bronner’s soap…they sell it in Walgreens. I *so* love Walgreens.
[in a separate email, moments later...]
Well, I suppose I should specify: I did the final preparations of the mousse, all the labor intensive mixer work and chilling. But it was a Nazi prepared mix. So I had Nazi assistance…

Perhaps picking up some Dr Bronner’s soap will wash my Dr Oetker guilt away. How very poetic justicey that would be with that double meaning of “cleansing” and all that and what not and etcetera.

So its mousse of Nazi origin.

Well, as long as the label doesn’t say “I.G. Farben”…

Well, y’know, what with the labels, Bronner’s is probably a holy substance of some sort…

“Dilute! Dilute! OK!”
All-One!,
Me
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from Tues 7/28 ]
Ever seen a tesseract?
Namaste',
Me
Nope. Don’t even know what it is, I don’t think…
Theoretical geometric construct.

Check this out: http://conflusions.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/4dcube.gif

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Glass_tesseract_animation.gif

And take in to account that it doesn’t actually change shape at all- it’s just rotating.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[from today 7/29]
Clara Bow & Theda Bera both have 7/29 birthdays (though Bera’s came along first in 1885, and then Bow was born in 1905)

Speaking of silent films (ha haa) I found this to be a neat-o site: http://www.goldensilents.com/

It’s peculiar…I find silent films & their actors to be very interesting and yet I don’t really watch silent films. I can only think of one I’ve seen (Metropolis) and that was absolutely EONS ago…

I gotta say though…I’ve always been kinda curious to see Birth of a Nation & possibly somethin’ else by Griffiths..

[again, I shall remind you of P's practice of pasting bits of your last email into his reply, and responding to it bit-by-bit]

Clara Bow & Theda Bera both have 7/29 birthdays (though Bera’s came along first in 1885, and then Bow was born in 1905)

Theda Bera was so kewl.

Speaking of silent films (ha haa) I found this to be a neat-o site: http://www.goldensilents.com/


Ooohhhh…nice! Thanx!

It’s peculiar…I find silent films & their actors to be very interesting and yet I don’t really watch silent films. I can only think of one I’ve seen (Metropolis) and that was absolutely EONS ago…

There’s a near-complete version of “Metropolis” finally available as of not too long ago. I kinda still like the older, incomplete versions, but it’s nice to have a full thing now.

Chaney’s “Phantom of the Opera” is a must-see, and “Cabinet of Dr. Caligari” is one of my all-time fave movies of any sort ever.

There was a silent adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s “Call of Cthulhu” made a couple of years ago- they even used period costuming and effects (for the most part) to add to the verisimilitude.

I gotta say though…I’ve always been kinda curious to see Birth of a Nation & possibly somethin’ else by Griffiths..

Never seen that. Having grown up in a town that had its own Klan chapter, I’m not sure I could stand it.

I’d really love it if there were a full version of Edison’s version of “Frankenstein”…

Namaste',
Me
The Klan in Jersey, huh? I wouldn’t have presumed… though I suppose that’s stereotypical thinking on my part.

I don’t know much about Theda Bera—only that she had sort of a “vamp” persona goin’ on, if I’m not mistaken and I now know her b-day. However, I just did some reading thru the wiki bio of “It Girl” Bow, and WOWSERS!! She had a tumultuous time of it. Biopic fodder, perhaps?? Oh, speaking of biopics, I was just musing the other day that since the biopic seems to be a continually favored movie genre, and musicians –with a good handful of classical musicians—have been very popular picks for biopics (haaaa again!) Therefore….why no Tchaikovsky movie? Lotta dramatic material there…
Unless there has been a Tchaikovsky movie. There hasn’t been, to the best of my knowledge. I don’t know why every interesting biography I take in makes me think “Hey, there’s a good movie” but that probably has a lot to do with me knowing that there are Viewmaster & Where’s Waldo movies in the works…

But back to Bow & Bera…that will probably be my next furtive wiki expedition: the nutshell recap of the life & times o’ Theda Bera….

The Klan in Jersey, huh? I wouldn’t have presumed… though I suppose that’s stereotypical thinking on my part.

South Jersey is more like a section of Alabama that got misplaced. Lots of rebel flags and gin racks on the trucks, baseball caps, flannel shirts and work boots are de rigueur so far as fashion is concerned.

I don’t know much about Theda Bera—only that she had sort of a “vamp” persona goin’ on, if I’m not mistaken

I tend to think of her as the original Goth Chick- just took the subculture five decades to catch on. ;)

and I now know her b-day. However, I just did some reading thru the wiki bio of “It Girl” Bow, and WOWSERS!! She had a tumultuous time of it. Biopic fodder, perhaps??

I’d say so. Be well worth seeing, methinks. Lots of material there.

Oh, speaking of biopics, I was just musing the other day that since the biopic seems to be a continually favored movie genre, and musicians –with a good handful of classical musicians—have been very popular picks for biopics (haaaa again!) Therefore….why no Tchaikovsky movie? Lotta dramatic material there…
Unless there has been a Tchaikovsky movie. There hasn’t been, to the best of my knowledge. I don’t know why every interesting biography I take in makes me think “Hey, there’s a good movie”


Well, yeah- I don’t know if there has been a Tchaikovsky movie yet but it’s rife with potential for good material…

but that probably has a lot to do with me knowing that there are Viewmaster & Where’s Waldo movies in the works…

…and yeah- we do need an antidote to this impending torrent of cinematic drivel

But back to Bow & Bera…that will probably be my next furtive wiki expedition: the nutshell recap of the life & times o’ Theda Bera….

Y’know, I’m not sure that I’ve checked that out either. Should do so.

Kelly recently got a DVD from the people who do findadeath.com that covers famous Hollywood deaths. You don’t want to know how Albert Dekker, the guy who played Dr. Cyclops, went (the wiki version is apparently toned down). They also cover Elizabeth Short/The Black Dahlia (wiki version there is toned-down too)

Theda Bera…seems to have kept her drama onscreen. The most compelling bit I gleaned from her story is that she has the most lost films of anyone with a star on the H’wood Walk of Fame. Also interesting is that her portrayal of Cleopatra…which gives us our most popular image of Bera (or is it Bara?)

Another (totally different) July 29th bday: Cap’n Lou Albano. I was never a wrestling fan, exactly, but there was this rock ‘n’ roll/ WWF Sat morn cartoon that I was utterly devoted to for a spell in my childhood (my have to redo my FB Top 5 Sat morning cartoons to include that one rather than the CBS Storybreak ) Of course, por moi, the biggest fascination surrounding the Cap’n has always been those rubber bands hanging off his cheek piercing. Wonder if he has those still? I doubt it. At 70+ yrs old, it would be even more freakish than it already was.

I have never in my life heard of this Albert Dekker, but you’ve now got me irresistibly compelled to investigate his demise….

Theda Bera…seems to have kept her drama onscreen.

For the most part. I always liked her image and publicity shots- esp the one of her sitting by the skeleton. She was definitely not typical of the women of her age.

The most compelling bit I gleaned from her story is that she has the most lost films of anyone with a star on the H’wood Walk of Fame.



That I had not remembered.

Also interesting is that her portrayal of Cleopatra…which gives us our most popular image of Bera (or is it Bara?)

Bara.


Another (totally different) July 29th bday: Cap’n Lou Albano. I was never a wrestling fan,

I watched a bit in the ‘80’s ‘cause it was kinda funny, and I watched in the early ‘90’s so I’d have something to talk to my co-workers about. I’ve heard that since Vince McMahon took over running the WWF it’s turned in to an uber-sleazefest.

exactly, but there was this rock ‘n’ roll/ WWF Sat morn cartoon that I was utterly devoted to for a spell in my childhood (my have to redo my FB Top 5 Sat morning cartoons to include that one rather than the CBS Storybreak ) Of course, por moi, the biggest fascination surrounding the Cap’n has always been those rubber bands hanging off his cheek piercing. Wonder if he has those still? I doubt it.


Oh yeah- I remember that cartoon. Never watched it, tho. I remember Roddy Piper having some sort of silly accent that the real Roddy never had. Wasn’t the show akin to the Dukes of Hazzard cartoon in that it focused on a race or some sort of competition?

At 70+ yrs old, it would be even more freakish than it already was.


I’ve a 60-something friend in NOLA who has purple hair and piercings.

I have never in my life heard of this Albert Dekker, but you’ve now got me irresistibly compelled to investigate his demise….

Let me put it this way- Carradine was a piker by comparison.

Namaste',
Me
[big shift in topic now..]
So, Eileen came up to me to tell me that she’s going to be in the Orange Room with the laminator.

Naturally, that got me thinking of how to do a VNA version of Clue.


“Laura is in the Grafton Room with the pulse-ox”

“Paul is in the Supply Room with the hole-puncher”

“Sandra is in the Windsor Room with the tegaderm”

OK..but that’s hardly fair—what the hell damage can I do with Tegaderm??

Well, in all fairness, what damage can you do with a pulse-ox?
But you could possibly fashion a garrote out of tegaderm

Too much work…the worst I could do w/ Tegaderm is apply it to the hairiest area of my foe’s arm and then rip it off with the utmost rapidity and malice.

Pulse Ox would be an easier weapon…the old ones are heavy enough to do some bludgeoning, and the wee finger ones are on lanyards (strangling lanyards, if need be). See, I’ve been putting a lot of thought into how I am going to survive (if not, indeed triumph) if another VNA attacks us a la a Crimson Permanent Assurance sorta siege

Too much work…the worst I could do w/ Tegaderm is apply it to the hairiest area of my foe’s arm and then rip it off with the utmost rapidity and malice.

Ow!

Pulse Ox would be an easier weapon…the old ones are heavy enough to do some bludgeoning,

True enough.

and the wee finger ones are on lanyards (strangling lanyards, if need be).

Or shove it down someone’s throat to choke them.

See, I’ve been putting a lot of thought into how I am going to survive (if not, indeed triumph) if another VNA attacks us a la a Crimson Permanent Assurance sorta siege

Or if the Zombie Apocalypse hits…

I keep thinking that if things continue the way that have been so far this week, Sam will be lurking in a room somewhere with a letter-opener by Friday.

['nother big topic switch..]

Re: awesomeness that I cannot hoard
THIS is a blog of a chick who knits movie characters. It’s way more cool than it initially sounds.

Probably for work, the wiser option would be to just peruse THIS quickie slideshow of her “greatest hits” . That Joker is way adorable (I think you should email this lady & commission one for the new bambino of su casa)
[I tinkered with those links so's they work in this post btw]

[a quick anomaly next--an email to Ann, who has publicly declared her repulsion w/ the practice of reading in the bathroom]

Hi-ya Ann…….
I spied that someone left the A section of the Valley News in one of the bathrooms. It would appear someone does not share your views on malingering après B.M.

Let the record show, however, that although I oppose you on this point, I was *NOT* the one reading The Valley News in the loo.

Thank you,
The Management

[now some science...]
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090728/sc_afp/sciencearmsoffbeat

…I never really deliberately debated swing vs. don’t swing. ..I’ve always just let ‘em do what they will. Now this has got me wondering whether I’ve got a “normal swing” or “opposite to normal swing” I feel like I’m going to be hypersensitive about my perambulation-accompanying arm movement all day.

As for the “why”, ever since seeing Big’s swingin’ in the Patterson-Gimlin film, that it was “is an evolutionary relic from when we used to go about on all fours.” (just as the Yahoo article’s experts say)
…I never really deliberately debated swing vs. don’t swing. ..I’ve always just let ‘em do what they will. Now this has got me wondering whether I’ve got a “normal swing” or “opposite to normal swing” I feel like I’m going to be hypersensitive about my perambulation-accompanying arm movement all day.
--Hm- interesting. I’d sort of figured as much, but never had the stats to back it up.
As for the “why”, ever since seeing Big’s swingin’ in the Patterson-Gimlin film, that it was “is an evolutionary relic from when we used to go about on all fours.” (just as the Yahoo article’s experts say)
--OK- got that. I was thinking of the Bigfoot footage when I read that too.
I was also thinking of the Seinfeld episode with the woman who didn’t move her arms at all when she walked.
Namaste',
Me
I can’t believe I never saw that episode (considering how Seinfeld was absolutely syndicated to death)
[another 180...we're all over the map today..]

Subject: always knew it would come to this...

http://www.thelocal.se/19120.html
Namaste',
Me
AND SO IT HAS BEGUN….

(And me sans catchpole, dammit…)

[now abandoning the robot uprising for some trivial Facebook-related chatter..]

I manage to refrain from hitting FB while in the office but can’t squelch the curiosity re: what FB activity might be percolatin’, hence regular peeks into my home email inbox (where my FB notifications are emailed) After a friend request I just got, however, I was in such a state of shock, that I couldn’t resist logging into FB to immediately confirm the request.

This is a dude that I was only passing acquaintances with, and I haven’t seen since the *5th grade*. How bizarre. This isn’t the first friend request I’ve had from waaay out in the wild blue arbitrary yonder, (the first one to make me break my no-FB-log ins-at-work rule, is all) and every time I get these I imagine the requestor is running some kind of report of everyone in his/her age group from his/her hometown and friending ALL the results.

On the other hand, this was the fellah who very gallantly offered to escort me onto the ice as a means of balance when I was the only 5th grade weenie on our class ice skating field trip who was a total amateur and petrified of busting some part of my skeleton. Always struck me as extraordinarily chivalrous…could be that he’s been maaaadly in love with me since 5th grade.

Swell…

Wow- that’s a long ways back. I haven’t maintained contact with anyone from grade school except the Dodge family (who I mentioned before- I’ve friended five of the siblings, didn’t know three of the others all that well and have one pending request) and an ex-neighbor who I also worked with and who now lives across the street from my parents.

I’ve mentioned how weird it’s been getting friend requests from people from the distant past who I hardly interacted with.

And I found your speculation on motive funny- I got on FB because of my experiences with Classmates, which I’d originally joined to track someone from school down to apologize for something that I didn’t do.

On the other hand, this was the fellah who very gallantly offered to escort me onto the ice as a means of balance when I was the only 5th grade weenie on our class ice skating field trip who was a total amateur and petrified of busting some part of my skeleton. Always struck me as extraordinarily chivalrous…

--Well, I’d take that as a good sign…

the Citizen Kane of bad film??

I'm intrigued by this movie "The Room"...which is being touted as "the Citizen Kane of bad movies".

For some reason this flick merited a segment on ABC News (online)--where I caught wind of it. I have an affinity for so-bad-it's-good cinema. The danger is that there is a very fine line between cheeztastic so-bad-it's-good fare, and just straight-out BAD fare. The ideal way to catch "The Room" then, methinks, would be to attend one of these Rocky Horror Picturesque style screenings that are going on across the U.S. (or so sez Charlie Gibson) That way, it would probably still be an exceptional experience, regardless of whether the movie charmed me or not.

little acts o' kindness

This week $$$ is tight . No shocker there...it seems to always work out that-a-way the week of payday. So first, I decided to allow myself a mere 50cents for breakfast money...that would be my cup of java (out of the office Keurig) and I would gnosh on some of the 100 year old graham crackers I have squirreled away in my desk. At the last minute though, I decided to be a smidge splurgier and shell out $1.50, by hitting up Dunkin' Donuts for one of their 99cent "wake-up wraps" ..then go forward with the Keurig coffee as previously planned.

My anecdote would, at this point, greatly benefit from a map. I am going to pop on over to MS Paint and bang one out. Please stand by...

Wow, that took me quite some time for such a shitty lookin' end result. Anywhoo... back to my tale.

I take the legit route into the drivethru, offa Rte. 12A, through the DD parking lot. I'm just to the point where a "back door" drive cuts into the drive thru. It's a handy thing (this rear entry) if you're coming from Benning (and pretty necessary as it would be such a pain to have to go to the lights and turn into 12A traffic ) , but if you're already in the drivethru line it's kinda vexing. It's like cutting in line. I'm generally pretty patient, but this a.m., when this green sedan starts nosing down that drive, I wasn't really in the mood to let 'em in, mostly because I was running late for work. But then I recognize the driver--Oh, it's Barb from Accounting!! And I say to myself, "Well, if I'm terribly late for work, I will blame Barb." So I wave her ahead of me.

So, I've put my window down, because it's shaping up to be a lovely warm day already (got up into the 90s today!!) And I'm being a nosey-ass, and listening to what Barb is ordering, not that I have to strain my cochleas that much, because she's doing a lot of yelling and repeating because the DD drivethru crew were having some hearing and/or comprehension difficulties. So consequently, I catch 2 of her 3 hollers of "I'm going to get the lady behind me as well!!" WICKED NICE, EH??

So I know before I order she's very graciously picking up my tab. Now for some reason, I immediately am mindful to act as if I am totally in the dark about this. I don't know why...it's not as if Barb is watching me. Perhaps I didn't want to lessen the thrill of the DD staffer who got to deliver the news, I dunno. Ok, well I have a good theory. And it shows what a weird and twisty psyche I have. Now, when I got to the speaker...do you think I ordered my 99cent Wake-up Wrap?? No siree Bob. I ordered the #3-- med coffee & a Sausage, Egg & Cheese Croissant (even though this about the messiest drive-thru b-fast grub imaginable...and I happen to have spent a good 20 minutes attacking my keyboard with the 3M canned air on Friday). So here we get to the weird & twisty: I consciously took advantage of Barb's goodwill HOWEVER, if I maintained a good enough act of possessing no prior knowledge (ostensibly making any advantage-taking inadvertant) then that would somehow alleviate my guilt? It shouldn't work, but it did. I was grinning ear to ear when I left DD, thinking:" This sure as hell beats stale(ish) graham crackers"

When I met up with Barb at the office door, I exclaimed "You're TOO SWEET!! Thank you so much!!" which she answered with a genuinely puzzled "Huh?" And I said "My breakfast" gesturing with my coffee & croissant-bearing paper sack. She didn't know it was me! (I'd presumed she did) And she's all "Oh, I do that about once a month for somebody." So, Barb is even wicked nicer than I originally posited. It's too bad, I suppose, that it takes a gratis breakfast sammi for me to proclaim that someone is nice. Oh, wellll... if someone had previously asked me about Barb, I would have said she was nice. But I guess I just wouldn't have said so without provocation. Just goes to show you the power of a goodwill gesture. (TANGENT: Reminds me of when I first met one of my besties, Roxanne. I was working at GDT and they had me help train a couple of new people. I'm truly BAFFLED as to why since I was pretty crappy at that job. But anyways...Rox was one of my trainees, and when she was out of her training period, they stationed her in a cubicle across the aisle from me. I thought she seemed nice enough, but I had no intention of befriending her. Then one day, I come back from lunch and there is a coffee cake sitting on my desk. Just out of the f-king wild blue yonder, someone has bought for me a cake. And, Reader's Digest version--she's been one of my best buds ever since)

I was telling my sis about this croissant windfall (highlight of my damn day prob'ly) and she very practically pointed out how this practice might backfire on Barb big time. I mean, supposin' I was on my way to work at a construction site, and was charged to buy eats for the whole damn crew: 4 boxes of Joe and 3 dozen doughnuts!! That would hurt the ol' wallet , no doubt. Though the accrued positive karma would be terrific...

I sent Barb a follow up thank you email (with a cute little squirrel cartoon in it). I may be a mooch, but I'm no ingrate. Well, maybe mooch is not the right term as I didn't whine & whinge and coerce anyone into footing my breakfast bill. I'm a taker of advantage...a manipulator? There's got to be a smoother way of phrasing it...

Anyways, I do feel a smidge guilty about it now(not the Barb paying part so much as my order switcheroo) Guess I oughtta just "pay it forward" (can't pay a damn thing 'til after Friday though, homies...)

me mucho gusto musica

Here were the musical highlights of my commute home from work yesterday--

TV on the Radio-- Wolf Like Me I LOOOOVE this song. I know I've gushed so before but it merits re-gushing.

Dr Dog-- The Ark--nasty vid, great song. (I couldn't find a full track to share that was audio only)

Tom Jones-- She's a Lady--do not follow that link..it goes to a shitty remix version that I am LESS than impressed with (I just felt like it was only fair play to give TJ a link too) Oh, and I have the most marvelous Tom Jones pic ever...it is too , too marvelous to put up at this juncture, it would render me incapable of typing with its magnificence if I put it up now..you're going to have to wait until the very end of my post.
Anyways..back to "..Lady" I dunno if it's my #1 FAVE TJ tune, but it's high up there on the list. I've always been amused by this part in the 2nd verse when he sings " You can leave her on her own, knowing she's ok alone and there's no messin'' It's always felt to me like he's bragging about what a fine job he's done in housebreaking said lady. Haaa.

Now later on, I was chillaxing, getting tucking myself in for some ZZZzzzs, I shifted into classical mode. Here are just a couple of my favorite classical pieces..

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky-- 1812 Overture-- I suppose your BIG NAMES in classical music are Mozart & Beethoven (which, by the way, I always pronounce it Beet Hoven {long e & non silent H in my head}...like they do in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure) but I think Tchaikovsky is AMAAAAZING. I'm not saying Tchaikovsky isn't famous, but I don't think he's counted as one of the big, BIG NAMES (more or less, what I mean by this is that--tragically-- he's not apt to be given as a clue on $25,000 Pyramid when one of the pyramid squares is "Classical Composers") and that is a ginormo fatass injustice, that. And why no movie about Tchaikovsky?? He had a very dramatic backstory.

I have a briefer version of the 1812 on my iPod (it's about the last 3 1/2 minutes) and last summer, when my sis threw a 4th of July bash, complete with halfway decent amateur fireworks, I played it loud over the boombox for the fireworks display. Pity nobody seemed to realize how brilliant this was of me (besides me)

Erik Satie--Gymnopedies No.3-- such a beautiful ,beautiful song. This version from YouTube (that I linked to) is a pretty close match to the version I have (w/ orchestra accompaniment) I think Satie's original was a bit sparser, focusing more on the piano.

Sergei Prokofiev-- Montagues & Capulets -- Love this...gives me a similar thrill to the one I feel listening to Grieg's In the Hall of the Mountain King.

OK, now...as previously promised...what quite possibly is the BEST EVER photographic presentation of a popular recording artist... BEHOLD!!

Mr Ed, License to Kill

I once swore I'd never get into the mostly asinine "gift-giving" applications on Facebook. A select few of my FB friends seemed to use these CONSTANTLY and I found it obnoxious and stupid. I must somewhat retract that assertion, because I've stumbled on to a few rather cool gift apps I'm using now. Now even these cool ones I'm not being obnoxious about and disseminating them to mass multitudes on a daily basis , just maybe once a week, only to those I think will appreciate my pick...

So I'm revising my stance on it to say that it entirely depends on what gifts you are choosing to send out. I still find it pointless and dumb to send someone "huggies" or flowers on Facebook. The worst (and what appears to be very popular amongst the aforesaid select few) is sending out drinks on Facebook. WTF? A Facebook mojito is so vastly incomparable to swilling the real thing. If anything, it sucks, because it makes you hanker for a mojito, and chances are, you don't have any fucking fresh mint on hand, now do you?

But it did amuse me to send a few friends Garbage Pail kids. Now with those, well, it's not exactly the same experience as getting a real GPK, but hey-- you get the graphic, the punny name , it's a decent approximation, though perhaps a smidge less gratifying. I also used the "Tacky Gifts of Kitsch & Camp" app, and what I liked about that one is that you can pick something really wackadoo from waaaay out of proverbial left field and that kind of arbitrary surprise has comic potential. I sent the Ethel Merman Disco Album to a bunch of friends. I mean, c'mon...Ethel Merman + disco= how the hell can you resist being delighted??

The gift app I'm diggin' right now is "Monty Python gifts" and the more you send, the more you unlock, which is a big part of why I'm hooked-- I can't resist discovering which new MP stuffs will become available to me. And they all trigger little Pythonic flashbacks that make me chuckle. For instance, the pantomime horse that Paul just sent me inspired me to revisit one of my faaaave skits on YouTube....

today in the bathroom...

Don't worry, I'm not gonna be a hogger. (not this time)

At my office, we have 4 single seater potties (just a toilet & sink in the room, no stalls) --2 in the front half of the building and 2 in the back half. In the second of the 2 back bathrooms I hid a makeup bag in the spare TP cabinet. I have recently taken to locking myself in that bathroom --around 10am--and spending 5-10minutes beautifying. Oh, okay, SURE, I suppose I could take a few extra minutes in the morning and "put my face on " before work. But I figure, if half my office is taking 4 or 5 cig breaks a day, and just strolling out to the far side of the parking lot to loiter and devastate their poor lungs, then my 5-10 minutes are totally justifiable. I mean, at least my breaks are beneficial..to me, and to everyone who has to look at my sorry mug.

So, I just bought some liquid eyeliner this past weekend. First of all, it was e.l.f. brand, and all that stuff is just a dollar at Kmart. Secondly, I have *always* done a pencil eyeliner and wanted to try somethin' new. Liquid eyeliner is supposed to be good for doing precise lines. Ok, well the kinda shitty thing about precise lines is that if you don't have an utterly steady-Eddie hand, your liner looks kinda horrendous. With my usual pencil liner, I swipe a quick swipe in the approximate correct vicinity, and if my line is less than flawless, I just smudge it up a bit and it looks more or less OK. Not so with the liquid liner. Oh, and yesterday I got a large splotch of liner right on my eyeball (the right one) and the cleanup procedure there is rather nasty. UGH. But I'm much improved today. So I will continue on with the liquid liner..in the hopes of bettering my technique.

Oh, but is liquid liner supposed to SMELL so? This stuff I got reeks a kinda gasolinish stench.

Even though I think myself completely justified in my a.m. "beauty breaks", I think perhaps I oughtta cover my tracks by starting a rumor that I have I.B.S. Probably the most natural locale in which to let fly with this faux info would be right at the Keurig machine. As in : "Oh, I do so enjoy my tasty a.m. coffee, but dang it, does it ever raise heck with my IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME!! Heh, heh, heh..those pesky bowels of mine!!"

On my last bathroom trip of the day, I was suddenly inspired to try to fold the bottom edge of the T.P. into an artful little point, like they do in hotel room pottys. I failed pretty badly, but my attempts amused me more than they should have. I find that whole custom inordinately fascinating. According to the wikipedia page about it, it's primarily meant as a signal that your bathroom has been cleaned. I dunno. When I mull it over, what it really means is that some maid's grubby fingers have been doing extensive fumbling with my T.P. So if I were a germophobe, I would not be charmed in the slightest by the TP point practice. As it happens, I am probably too much at the other end of the germ-fear spectrum. I am a consummate double dipper, an only sporadic user of toilet seat covers (they get stuck in the ass crack, if you must know) it's a minor miracle that I have yet to come down with the H1N1 ...

He's GOT to be foolin'

I love C-Chan as much as the next chick, but Johnny Depp playing her in a biopic movie? Re-flippin'-DUNKULOUS!!

Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I keep *MEANING* to post but I'm mentally constipated. I assure yous though: I feel very bad and negligent about this posting drought.

I'm taking a loooong weekend this weekend (have Mon & Tues off) so hopefully that will leave me with some blog fodder. But just in case this weekend fails to inspire...think up a topic or two for me to jump start my noggin, please & thank y'all!!

tools

This morning I got to contemplating paper spikes (which, I discovered after a smidgen of Wikipedia perusal, are more properly referred to as "spindles") This started out because I was laughing at one of the managers because everytime someone from the state pops in for a viz, they always flip their fucking gourds, and get all sorts of panicky. Invariably they do a quick sweep (our managers, not anyone from the state) to make sure everyone knows an auditor is in house and make sure that you have your ID badge on. Now in all these many auditor ambushes I have been present in the office for, only twice have I actually seen these staties and NEVER have any of them frisked me for my badge. But whatev. It was not so much the action I was ridiculing but the excessive hysteria that went with, y'know?

Anyways I sez to Paul, I sez: "You'd think it was a brigade of f-ing STORM TROOPERS" And he replied "They act like it's the Crimson Permanent Assurance" and because I'm a bit of a Python geek, I caught that one right off (& chortled accordingly). I said "That would be AWESOME. Well, if I didn't get hit in the face with a filing cabinet drawer that would be awesome" And this triggered in my noggin some flashbacks of that battle scene. And the old pirate accountant fellahs brandish their paper spindles as rapiers.

And now I sort of want one. Don't know why office supply artifacts should fascinate me so, but they do. I'm imagining the small rush of glee that accompanies finishing a project (really taxing my memory bank on that one...it's been sooo long since I've actually been able to accomplish anything at work) . The physical rite of this is putting that paper in your outbox. There is (or I think there is) a measure of gratification in this task. I would bet that gratification would be amplified if you could be like, " I am sooo very done with this that I'm a-gonna IMPALE the muthafuckaaah!" Don'tcha think?

I don't think I could use a spindle in lieu of my outbox, but I just would like it as a piece of office archaelogy... possibly as a makeshift sword should the occasion arise. I put it on my dream office gizmos wishlist..just below the catchpole.

Speaking of battles, I judge THIS to be highly awesome.

Another banter subject today was Weird Al. I was saying how all of a sudden and apropos of nuttin', my oldest niece & nephew are way in to him . They've got him downloaded onto their iPods..they quote his songs. Oy vey! I don't know if I'm embarrassed for them or just embarrassed (OK, I do know, it's both) I don't wanna be hatin' on W.A., I can't deny that the dude is very clever with his parodies. But he just makes me cringe...it's a little bit to do with his unabashed dweebiness and A LOT to do with the sound of his voice singing. It's an irrational, reflexive kind of response that I feel's unfair of me but still.... I've counseled the kids: it's one thing to like Weird Al, but they really should try to keep it on the down low if at all possible.

Paul posited that Weird Al fandom may be inevitable around a certain age. He could have a point there. Around 1989, I was absolutely sure that UHF was the finest piece of cinema ever put to film. I've since abandoned that notion, but I'm still rather fond of the flick and it is a part of my DVD collection (I know, I know! After deriding the dude just 1 paragraph ago! HYPOCRITE!)

Any whoo, in honor of our "tools" theme, here is one of the movie's choicest nuggets o' parody.

8 times out of 10, when I encounter a spatula, that jingle plays in my head.

My ticket to a free trip to Finland

..I have always wanted to go to Finland. I pine for the fjords.

Better get training for the 2010 championships. I fear that if I were to excel in this sport it would hafta be as a carrier and NOT a carry-ee.

gesticulating on the go

When a driver makes the effort to yield for me, either when I'm on foot or driving my (P.O.S.) car, I give him/ her a little wave. I was thinking the other day how inadequate the wave is in this capacity. I mean, translated into verbal language, it's "Hello" , right? (or "ello-Hay" if you're some Pig Latin spouting wackadoo) I would like there to be some sort of simple hand gesture that directly correlates to the phrase "Thank you". The other day I considered flashing another driver an ASL " I love you". I refrained. Wonder what sorta reception I'd have gotten?