Dem bones, dem bones...

My niece Lucy cracks me up. She has got to be the funniest 3 yr old on the planet. Truly.

Laura was telling me she had them out on Wednesday. They were in transit, all in the van, when suddenly an excretory emergency arose. It wasn't just "Mommy I need tah go potty" it was Lucy bawling because she had to poop so bad. So Laura makes a sudden and unplanned stop at WalMart. Luckily my mom was with her, so she could leave the other 3 kids in the van with her. So at least she didn't have to wait for all the kids to disembark from the van and then shepard the whole troupe into the store. That can be a bit of a process...not terribly time-consuming but y'know every second counts when you're about to let loose a deuce. As, surely, you have realized at some juncture(s) of your life.

Anyways...she's hustling Lucy in the store and is not wholly confident that they'll make it on time. But --thank goodness-- they do. Laura plops Lucy down on the toilet and...shockingly...she hesitates. Laura's like "Come on Luce, don't you have to poop??" And Lucy looks at her, still a bit teary, and very seriously implores her: "DON'T LET MY BONES COME OUT!"

Haaaaaaa!

OK I know I shouldn't laugh , that this the poor little muffin was sincerely worried about shitting out her skeleton, which , y'know in the early months of one's toilet using career, well, perhaps it seems quite plausible. But I'm projecting in this amusement of mine...looking to the future...this tale will someday be valuble . Years and years after this scary episode, this will be a prized addition to the ol' anecdote archives. Gee, particularly when Lucy's about 13 or 14 years old, how she will LOVE to be regaled with this story !! In front of friends from school even, if that could be arranged...

The Alarming Case of Monsieur Mackerel

Thursday morning when I drove down Benning St (a street which culminates in my company's parking lot) I noticed a police cruiser parked in the pull off. I thought : Wooahh, the po-po! What's THAT all about?
but I really didn't suspect anything more sinister than a speed trap.

WELL...

As I'm doing my first inbox sweep of the day, I open up this email from the head of HR. Addressed to everyone at the NH site, it read : "Effective immediately Brian Mackerel * does not work for Thermal Dynamics. DO NOT let Brian in the building. The Lebanon police are assisting us in this matter."

{ *not his real name. Real surname withheld in case -just in case-reports of Brian's SEVERE shadiness have been exaggerated* }

Yikes. Fuckin' A. I have very few acquaintances among the production staff (where Brian once worked) and so I've not the slightest clue what this dude even looks like. It would be soo like me to forget, and because of my hard-wired habit of holding the door for anyone trailing along behind me, I'd be apt to let in any Tom , Dick, or mad MACKEREL off the street. I'm thinkin': I'll just confine myself to the vicinity of my own desk today. Heey, bet there is enough scrap metal out in the plant to convert this li'l cubicle into a panic room of sorts...

So after work, I'm walking across a dark empty parking lot to my car. I hear a truck behind me. So I veer off to the left so I'm not in the path of travel and this truck can go around me. Hmmm.. nothin's passing me by. I "prick up " my ears... notice that this truck is just creeeeeping at a snail's pace. I expect, then, that it's going to park soon. But no. Keeps moving. Verrrrry slowly. It then hits me: Aggh! It's Brian fucking Mackerel, driving slow because he's reloading his 12gauge!! Haul ass to that Taurus before he can pick you off!! And I did quicken my pace slightly, but luckily I glanced over my shoulder before I broke into a dead run. ..

A mid-size plowtruck was salting the parking lot. And actually, that was a somewhat alarming turn of events right there. I know we've seen at least 10 people fall on their ass in that parking lot from our office windows. I doubt maintenence has expended so much as a 1/2 tablespoon of salt on that bastard all winter. Seriously, there are skating rinks with better traction. OF COURSE, I thought it was Mackerel.

Then, this morning Benning Street and our entire shoddily salted parking lot were utterly cruiser free. So apparently--I am to presume-- the crisis is past. No follow up email on the issue. But hey that's cool. It's ever so much more exciting to be left in suspense, don'tcha think?

OK so, (in case your Sarcasmeter needs callibrating) I'm NOT effing serious. Gawd, especially with that madness over in Illinois all over the news. I'd like to know conclusively that this absence of police presence today means that this guy is DETAINED somewhere. ..

Mediocre chat--not my BEST banter work..

who LOVES ya baby?

I do! And I love Valentines Day...in theory. In my life, personally..it's shaking down like any other Thursday. No huge shocker there. But still...the ideal of Valentine's Day still makes me sigh a twitterpated sigh...refer to Monday's post ie: my treacly tendencies.


Naturally today would be the apex of this masochistically romantical state I've been in as of late. And so, accordingly, I'm really trying to OD. Prior to commencing my post I was reading LOVE POETRY on Old Poetry whilest listening to opera on my iPod. I'm thinkin' my links sidebar needs at least one poetry site. Well, you can scrounge up poetry on Bartleby, I suppose....


Oh and before the poetry jam, I was on some of my fave fine art sites looking for some grand image for my desktop. Yeeeeah, something grand and Valentine's themed. First off , lemme show you the rather sexy pattern that was gracing my PC desktop..

In case you was wondering, I discovered that on THIS site, which is a brilliant place to go if you're hunting for a vintage pattern. I don't know that you would be, but I often am.
Anyways... I wanted to go with something totally dissimilar to this for my new desktop. I chose this painting by Sir Frank Dicksee off of Art Magick and it's not as heavily schmoopy as I might have gone for...

There's some love here, for sure (at least on her side). But clearly this guy has somehow f*cked up. I could ascertain that much, even if Dicksee hadn't titled this "The Confession". But it's also clear that she is SO going to forgive him.

And here be one of the poems I was enjoying. A lot more contemporary than the artwork (which I point out as a means of sayin' "Behold what marvelous RANGE I have in my diversions! Woo woo!")

Today's desk calendar page heading sez "On The Heart" and then below it has on it a litany of love/heart related trivia nug-lets. Most of them are underwhelming but there were 2 I rather liked- - -

1. "It was said, in Elizabethan times , that the heart is drained by sighs and groans"

I made a point of sharing this one with my office mates because we are constantly walking around this cubicle farm emitting the most put-upon sounding sighs. A fact that has been noticed & commonly acknowledged. I had told them this and then further remarked "Now this expains why we're such miserable bitches around here. ..drained hearts from all that sighing we do!"

2. "Nineteenth century superstition advised those girls anxious to dream of their future husbands to KILL A PIGEON and remove its heart. Then to skewer the heart with pins and place it under their pillows before walking backwards into bed to sleep."

Hmmm...not something I'm apt to try. Not so much because it's out of vogue or because I'm not desparate, but it's my aversion to birds that precludes it. I certainly wouldn't grieve over a dead pigeon (nor over a dozen dead pigeons for that matter...) but the necessary stalking & capture of that pigeon would put me on unbearably close terms with the nasty beastie. I just couldn't.

We were discussing this point...debating whether or not it's crucial that the lovelorn practitioner of this rite kills the bird herself. I mean, could it not work if I-- er, I mean, she procured the pigeon heart via the black market??

slippin' & a slidin'

This morning's commute was HELLACIOUS, people!! But as I am intrepid as they come, I donned my St Christopher medal, warm threads, and set out. As I backed out of the garage and down the drive, the whole of my attention was fixated behind me, I was all zoned in on trying to not to go into a backwards, downhill 180 spin (as I did earlier this season) and aiming ever so carefully for *not* the snowbank. So when I got headed out on the road and-at last- turned and looked at my windshield , I was unpleasantly surprised to find that said windshield was a totally opaque sheet of ice. I had about an inch & a half long clearing I could see through. My windshield wipers (my well chosen & artfully installed new wipers, that is) were a-goin', but without my windshield being warmed up they were just scraping over the sheet of ice. So I had to park for a bit and gain some visibility. When I did finally get going I managed okay ...this is because I go insanely slowly. There was this nerve wracking episode with an 18wheeler that was making the merge onto I 89S (coming from I-91 N) but I handled that okay (pheeew!).

So I figured, after braving such treacherous impediments to get here today, that I should get beaucoup " points" merely for showing up...thereby giving me a license to slack off. Yes, I am prone to slacking everyday, but today I felt entitled. Oh, I suppose my boss being on vaca this week contributed somewhat to this feeling.

And then --in this mood-- I discover that some Austen fiend had uploaded the entire Sense & Sensibility mini on to YouTube. This would be the 2007 BBC production...the one that I would have to wait until March for if I am to see it on my local PBS (via Masterpiece Theater). I came thisclose to watching that today. Of course I would've been on the phone, & paused the player for any customer phone calls, but still... that is a mighty BOLD exercise in slacking. Ultimately, I didn't have stones for it. I started to watch, got about midway through opening credits before I said "Aw damn it, I CAN'T. Even *I* can't goof off so egregiously!!"

Speaking of that type of movie (and my compulsive consumption of them), I couldn't find a damned thing on the telly last night so I wound up watching Persuasion again. Of course, I enjoyed it very much, but it pains me to be so lamely repetitive. . . .

more purchases..

Lemme say at the outset of this post, that you are fully justified in not giving a shit. I'm getting in to real minutiae here....

I've had a touch of a sore throat this afternoon. Just on the right side, actually. Does that signal swollen glands? Anyways... in lieu of a lozenge I thought a beverage might help matters. My best pick in the cafeteria vending machine looked to be chocolate milk. So as I walk back to my desk with my Shamrock Farms brand 12 fl oz reduced fat chocolate milk, my anticipation builds. Yep, Sanny, affirms my interior monologue, That's the ticket there. Uhh HUH. Cooold chocky milky--this'll be JUST the thing. Ohh yeaaah.

But THEN... I am confronted with this utter BASTARD of a foil seal. I have availed myself of many bottled chocolate milks of varied brands in my day, and NEVER have I encountered so stubborn a foil seal!! I was not immediately vexed.. but after it resisted peeling off by my fingers and then would not be plied off by my teeth (which, by the way, OUCH) then I was miffed. I summoned my inner evolved primate and sought out what is called a tool. My scissors were handy, and because I was worked up into such a frenzy I brandished them blades like I was Norm Bates in full drag.

So yeah...this is ultimately a sort of PSA. If you ever come across Shamrock Farms brand 12 fl oz. milk and happen to purchase aforesaid milk....well just prepare yourself for the struggle of your life.

I think that obdurate seal might have something to do with this milk's INSANE sell by date. This milk has a 3/24/08 sell by date. Does that seem peculiar to anyone but me??

CHECK yo'self b4 ya wreck yo'self...

A'right, I don't want y'all to think that I am ENTIRELY frivolous... so I should mention that last night I also went to Walmart & bought new wiper blades. My father urged me to go to AutoZone because they'll install 'em for free. Oh, pish, whatev. I can replace wiper blades on my own. Going to Walmart wasn't totally an act of defiance...it happens to be in the same plaza as Borders and I didn't fancy going across town to AutoZone. I'm all about "one-stop shopping" y'know.

Honestly though, I did have a spot o' difficulty replacing those wiper blades. It's not a terribly complicated procedure or anything like that but the trouble was the old blades' condition (frozen & rusted) and my fingers' condition (just frozen). But eventually I managed it. GIRL POWER!! WOOOO!

In other practical purchasing news, I am in the market for new checks. I just
finished off my 2nd box of these checks...their theme was sort of the fads & events of the 20th century. There were 7 designs: years 1900-1920 /yrs 1920-1930/1930-40/1940-50/1950-60/1960-70/1970-80/1980-90/and 1990-99 and like the 30s one had a pic of FDR on it and there was, I think, a TV dinner on the 50s check and that sorta thing. It was a cool theme for about a 1/2 box worth of checks but I eventually I got bored as hell with 'em. I was very relieved when I wrote out the very LAST 20th ce. check the other day.

So, because I wanted checks that visually stimulate me (and don't become tiresome too quickly) and also because a check is somewhat like a modern day calling card (shouldn't say "modern day" as checks are pretty passé these days) I took a good hunk of time today deliberating over what design to get. I still have not decided. I actually pasted screen caps of all my most favoritest styles to an email which I sent out to my coworkers -seeking their input. I have no intention to go by what they tell me, but I find that sometimes an outside ruling helps you to really weed out what you don't want...

So, some standout check designs...

"Fresco" design from the Check Gallery. This design is very pretty. I do like 'em. But I feel like these checks tell people: "I AM BORING". Which is pretty much true, but I don't wish to broadcast that.

Argyle checks from Styles Check co. I love argyle. It's high up there on my "fave patterns" mental list ...probably it's 4th on there, right after the Matheson tartan (a sentimental favorite), houndstooth check & herringbone. But I feel like, after going through 2 boxes of these, I will utterly HATE argyle. Plus, these are a bit on the boring side too.

KISS checks --also from Styles. Ideal for covering business expenses when you're dispatching with commissions handed down to you by your superior officer in the KISS army. Ha! Be sure to sheath these in a matching KISS logo leather checkbook cover.
Styles has a small category of "super fan" designs where you can get checks with your favorite rock star on 'em , WWE personality,or country singer (there was a shitload of country music checks available..blecch! But it follows that there would be some NASCAR checks offered too. This, shockingly, was NOT the case. What gives, dudes??) I can understand the inclusion of KISS in the "rock star" subsection (they ARE legends), but the other offerings were just silly. Who the f is ordering PANTERA CHECKS, I'd like to know?? Oh, and in a similar vein (that being bewilderingly obscure check designs) Styles also sells Elvira checks. You heard correct: ELVIRA CHECKS. Who the hell orders those?? I mean besides those Oakridge Boys-- who are infamously fond of her ("hearts on fire" reportedly...)
Anyways, I like KISS and these checks definitely don't fall into the dread "boring" category. But I don't like KISS that much. Perhaps I'd consider it if all 4 designs had shots of the fabled Simmons TONGUE...

"Fernando" checks...again from Styles. I must concede, those guys are awesome over at Styles. Normally, I would skip the "Animal" category altogether, but I thought-- wtf, I'll just take a quick peek. I was surprised to find these bizarro checks in that group. These crack me up. But I think they would only crack me up for a very limited time.

Styles also sells Las Vegas checks. These are totally foxy checks. But I feel like I have no business having Vegas checks as I don't live in or even remotely near Vegas, have never visited there, have no immediate plans to visit...
Still, they are quite attractive.. . .

I like these Flower Fairies checks from Classic Checks. I have admired Cicely Mary Barker's illustrations before. I don't think I can do any fairy themed checks though. It's the whole checks-as-representation concept...a fairy theme would imply to people that I harness the healing powers of crystals and have some gross new agey lower back tattoo... y'know, that whole type. I can't allow that...

These Beatrix Potter checks are a real front runner. Aren't they a-freakin'-DORABLE?? I don't know if it's a positive representation of yours truly but everything it implies is true-- I am hopelessly regressed ..also a Brit wannabe.

From Image Checks you can buy My Little Pony checks. I guess that's all I wanted to point out-- that you can buy My Little Pony checks. And I love that fact. But this is like the KISS checks. I'm not that into My Little Ponys. Although I would DEFINITELY buy these if I were opening a checking account for my niece Sadie.

I love me some PLAID. But only ONE design? Really, folks? I know checks are-as I've said-- passé. But still...show a little friggen' EFFORT, wouldja? These are noteworthy because plaid is innately awesome-- prevented from being a real contender on account of there being just 1 design. Now, if I was able to personalize and order in my clan tartan then this would shoot up to the top 3 of the contender list.
I think Laura had these checks at one time...and not all that long ago either. She has different ones now (I know this since she just gave me a check on Saturday) They really go thru a lotta checks those guys. Those 20th century checks I just polished off?? I've had those since the dawn of time or thereabouts. No kidding. 2 boxes last me FOREVAH.

"Founding Fathers" checks...also a front runner in my mind. Seriously, I love these. I feel like you may be scoffing because there was a deal of scoffing amongst my coworkers. Heather got my email and she said "Oooh you found some good ones.." then there was a pause and she goes "wait--what the hell are these OLD GUY CHECKS??" Lisa recognized the theme, but she said "Ugh. Yuck on the Founding Fathers checks."
But Robin was with me in appreciating these checks. Well, peer support or no, I think they're just terrif...

"Emerald Isle" checks from Identity Checks. I also scoped out some scenic England checks they offered and some "Bonnie Scotland".. but I thought they got their best shots of Ireland. I would love to visit (or retire to??) any of those countries so I feel more entitled to using these checks (than the Vegas ones). Although my concern is that gazing regularly at these lovely vistas would make me all wistful and --ultimately-- discontent.

Well, more discontent than I already am, I mean....


I was grousing aloud to the office-- you get what, 4 books per box o' checks (I don't quite recall. As I've said it's been ages since I've had to order checks) I wish one of these check companies would allow you to mix styles within a box. WHY on earth isn't this offered ?? Robin's answer to that question (WHY?) is probably the truth. She figures there's just not much demand for such thing ...because few people AGONIZE over check selection like I do...

I'm in the Mood for Loooove....

...simply because I'm masochistic...

So yeah, after yesterday's neurotic rants I decided that I deserved a trip to Borders. I had been enjoying some books by Lauren Willig, and some amazon reviewer of one of her novels brought up this other author Georgette Heyer. I wanted to track down something by Heyer (the essential pretense of my whole Borders expedition). They really made the decision easy for me by only having one title in store (I bought "An Infamous Army") So far (I'm only about 1/2 way through the 1st chapter) the writing is a bit dull, but I'm going to be fair & reserve judgement...give the story a bit of time to really pick up. But just from browsing through Heyer's catalog on Amazon, I'll grant her this : she has some good titles. Y'know, classy sounding stuff --in a relatively trashy genre. She had a 50+ year career during which she wrote a buttload of historical romances. Yep, reading material perfectly suited to this week's masochistic-romantical mindset. Brilliant.

Another similar purchase that I perpetrated-- the DVD of Persuasion ( the recent Masterpiece Theater /BBC co-production). You'll remember last month how inordinately miffed I was that I missed the beginning. Well I am now owner of the ENTIRE thing so all's well that ends well, yes? Oh, and I also ordered something from one of Border's computer kiosks (I really ought not shop in a self-pitying state of mind...makes me overindulgent) It was the DVD of Wives & Daughters that I've been eyeing FOREVER (hell, it's been on my Amazon wish list since 2005) My confirmation email sez if it doesn't come in to my local Borders by 2/18/08 then I get it for FREE when it does arrive. Sweet, eh? So it's a unique situation of eagerly anticipating something to get here late. Well, reasonably late, I should qualify... if the Borders staffer sez "Looks like the ETA on your ordered DVD is , ahhh, mid April 2012" then I'd rather pay for it. Although I've let it languish on my wish list for nearly 3yrs...I don't know why I'm all impatient now.

So of course I watched Persuasion as soon as I got home... well maybe not quite immediately..I first watched an episode of The New Adventures of Old Christine and THEN I put in Persuasion. It is very good...my fave of the the three new productions I saw during Jane Austen January. I liked it just a nano-smidgen more than I liked Northanger Abbey (which was also really great and shall--inevitably-- be purchased by me) Mansfield Park was likable enough but not exceptionally stellar. It differed a lot from the 1999 big screen
version (which I preferred) but I am not sure which one is more faithful to the novel (I picked up The Complete Novels of Jane Austen compendium last month but thus far have only finished off Sense & Sensibility )
But I hath digressed. I wanted to share with you the big climactic romantic denouement from Persuasion. It's a bit of a spoiler, but if you didn't already know that the heroine winds up with Mr PERFECT after a totally perfunctory detour with Mr Charming-but-Wrong, then you're a complete Austen neophyte, and odds are you navigated away from this page a paragraph or so ago.

Anyways, it's not going to be a trend with me to give away the endings of every period drama I watch (even if I did it with Northanger and am doing it now) It's just that this one kinda cracked me up. I mean, it's sufficiently romantic (as it ought to be). But it was also pretty amusing...probably unintentionally so.



So first off, poor Anne practically runs a marathon ( I would have dropped after a block )and she's panting like maaad and probably on the verge of a swoon but she is keeping a vise-like grip on that consiousness...at least until she gets her g.d. kiss. And she is like, straining at the bit for that kiss. She looks like she might bite him! And in response to that, he opts to execute a head descent in SUPER SLOW slo-mo. I mean, ridiculously slow. He starts the lean in..and then you could leave the room and make yourself a sammich and return before there is actual lip contact. He might be just the tiniest bit still mad at her and want to punish her.

stupid Cupid

OK...so last night I read this historical romance (with a dash of "spy story" thrown in...y'know..for a modicum of respectability) . Read the whole 300+ page thing in one day, so I guess that indicates I was kinda into it. I HATE when stuff like that gets to me, because simultaneously I do realize these writers (of novels/of romantic comedies, et al..) are manipulating me with the most vapid, most RIDICULOUS clap-trap..but nonetheless...I am like a moth to the flame with that shit. I mean, I really do have the fluffiest most idealistic Stay-Puft marshmallow heart, and I'm resigned to this fact. I just don't like it when said marshmallow heart is overtly gooooing all over the damn place. And I try to avoid such mess whenever possible.

So perhaps reading the novel chipped a wee chink in the ol' armor, because then this morning I'm driving in to work and my iPod is shuffling thru the music library and starts playing "Let's Face The Music and Dance" And I find myself replaying it twice and gushing over how I just LOVE this song and GAWWWD isn't it SOO romantic? And then--the next natural step-- I'm ruminating on how blasted VALENTINE'S DAY is this week. I have sick , sad relationship with V-day. I oscillate between thinking it's a sadistic ASSHOLE of a holiday and sincerely loathing it and (most of the time) acting like I loathe it when I secretly kind of love it and want in on all that schmoopy goodness. So after remembering the imminence of V-day and all that that entails, I spent the bulk of my commute steeping in a marinade of my own self-pity.

And then, I come in and (venting a little) one of my first remarks to my coworkers is : "Oh, and this week we have--puke--Valentine's Day" And Heather says "TELL ME ABOUT IT!" To which I say (much more gruffly than I'd wanted to) "Oh shut up!" And I know it's totally backward for me to come in--initiate some Valentine's Day bashing...and then snap the head off o' the first person who agrees with me. But it was just that the first agree-er was Heather --as in cute, 26 year old, celebrating her 1st anniversary with her handsome hubby this May Heather. And I felt like one of those tragic kids in a Sally Struthers commercial (but like 20X thicker of course) with Heather telling me " Oh, rice-yuck! Overrated!!"

Ugh, well that's melodramaticizing it to the extreme. Let's just say instead, I was looking for commiseration from other quarters. But still, I felt bad instantly. I mean I know it was just 3 li'l words, but it was all my TONE and that tone was scary rabid. I apologized profusely and issued a general warning that I expected to be all kinds of outta sorts this week.

You know what EXTRA sucks about this Valentine's Day? My sister is planning a Valentine's Day dinner and I already promised to come. I can't logically explain why but attending this dinner seems to me vastly more pathetic than flying solo for Valentine's Day. And I think by flying here, what I really mean is some stereotypical means of self-medicating. I mean, I don't go in much for ice cream in the cold winter months, so that rules out the pint of Ben & Jerry's but I definitely feel a bottle of wine and watching the entire Pride & Prejudice mini would not be outta the question.

I also thought I'd like to do something reckless on Valentine's Day...I feel that to be true but have no specific idea on what I mean by that. Of course 'round these monotonous parts the opportunities for Thursday night recklessness are slim to nil. And honestly, I don't have much of a talent for recklessness....as much as I'd like to.

So the reckless gesture is rather implausible. But I do think there is something noble and beatific about a good solo sulk. I should be looking at it differently, being grateful for the free dinner and glad that I have a close knit family and rationally those seem like 2 very good arguments but I just ain't feelin' 'em. I'm just kinda dreading Thursday night dinner. Which is weird, and wrong, and ungrateful of me but as I warned my office comrades, looks like I'm going to be all outta sorts this week.

So after sniping at Heather, I pop online and right off I spot a news story that rather fits in with the morning's motif of romantic reveries. I'm not clear what this story is trying to tell me. Be careful what you wish for? Naah.. that's just a jaded & bitter take on it. Although, you can't really scrounge up a silver lining here. It's a horribly sad thing...

Oh, and lest I forget we're just days away from V-day I get the below email--

Time to come on down and collect my FREE Toothface Cupid pint glass. Well, free--ostensibly only with a purchase of $10 or more. But I've always had the sense that if you went thru the hassle of printing the free pint glass coupon and going to the store but came up to the register saying "I'm sorry, I really couldn't find anything to buy. Can I still have the free glass?" they'd hand it over sans argument. And despite my myriad of V-day neuroses, I should run over and grab me one of these. I have a Toothface Turkey Pilgrim pint glass I got from Newbury Comics around Thanksgiving time and I drink out of that thang incessantly.





Perhaps this is JUST the thing, eh? Perhaps what I really need is to dilute this bouillabaisse of self-pity with many toothface cupid pint glasses full of alcohol....

A few posts back , I got to wondering about who would be "playing"KITT in this abysmal looking NBC Knight Rider revival. I finished my ramblings with a promise to figure out via IMDB just who was voicing the dream car. Well, although I did hasten to IMDB, as I said I would, I never reported back. That's because I read that KITT was to be voiced by Will Arnett. I don't actively dislike Will Arnett but...mehh. I thought those findings to be un-blog-worthy.

However , I read this morning that there has been a sudden, after-the-fact KITT recast (it's as if they heard my "mehh" reaction...but actually it was a conflict of interest snafu, that you'd think would have been foreseeable at the outset of this project) This news has got me somewhat excited now for what, I'm sure, is still an insipid piece of dreck. I'm pretty curious as to why he stooped to doing this... I mean it does seem like stooping, does it not? 'Tis a puzzling career choice. Perhaps this is leverage for something better OR maybe Kilmer made NBC dish out beaucoup moolah to his top charity (apt to be the New Mexico National Parks Dept or something akin to that).

YOWZA

Went out to Sophie & Zeke's tonight to celebrate (belatedly) my sister's birthday. I don't know if it's Sophie & Zeke's custom to make REDUNKULOUSLY STRONG drinks or if it had somethin' to do with me not eating anything prior to going out but...DANG! I had one appletini and one pomegranate cosmo and I was WRECKED. Actually, I was beyond buzzed after the appletini and I shoulda quit right there....while I was still somewhat coherent.

Had intended to blog about a number of things tonight-- Ash Wednesday and McSkillet burritos and my coworker Lisa and Japanese food...but I'm going to have to defer that 'til the next episode because I can't focus for shit, man....
G'night all....

random TV reminiscence

Just perusin' around on Retrojunk and was reminded... THIS SHOW had some of the best intro theme music ever...

HAPPY CHINESE NUDE YEAR!!

Sorry Chinese people, for picking on your big holiday. I mean, it's not like we have a Chinese Thanksgiving or Chinese Valentine's Day...Chinese New Year is pretty much IT, and there I go being all GLIB about it. Deplorable of me...really! And jinkies...if I had to pick a nation to offend I should have gone with a less intimidating, (and less POPULOUS) one.

Ohh, you noxious bastards from Pitcairn Island...

In all seriousness, I love Chinese New Year and I'd probably love Pitcairn (and its entire populace of about 50 people) Every Chinese New Year I get excited thinking mebbe it's the year of the snake again (I happen to be a ssssnake. It's the most awesomest sign of the whole Chinese Zodiac system. Ask anyone..) Not sure when the next snake year is, but this year is YEAR OF THE RAT. According to my 08 zodiac forecast, the Year of the Rat is 'sposed to be fairly

rad for snakes too.

.

Obscure Celeb Birthday for 2/6

Born on Feb 6, 1914-- THURL RAVENSCROFT...

I mean, right at the outset here, you know you're in for something fabulous. Thurlly, you'll agree that that is one awesome moniker (ha haa haa). As if "Thurl" wasn't sufficiently wonderful, you then get hit w/ tha "RAVENSCROFT" part....comin' off all like some ancestral manse in a Gothic primetime soap opera. Sweeet. So just with that name you've secured your admission in the Awesome Hall o' Fame. But the fellow couldn't stop there...he had to go become ACCOMPLISHED.


Perhaps--just perhaps-- you're acquainted with a li'l known feline by the name of TONY. . .THE TIGER. Yep... this very one--


Welllll, Thurl Ravenscroft was the voice of Tony the tiger (until he died in 2005, that is) And that's not all, mis amigos...

He was the vocalist for the song "You're a Mean One, Mr Grinch" even though that song is frequently miscredited to Boris Karloff (awesome in his own right, but NOT the performer of that song). Did you realize that was Tony the Tiger singin' that? Boggles the nog, doesn't it??


Another gem in the Ravenscroft ouevre (that I particularly adore) is that he voiced one of the animal heads that hang in Country Bear Hall (in Frontierland at DisneyWorld---most esteemed venue of The Country Bear Jamboree) namely Buff the Buffalo. Behold--

I SO love me some Country Bear Jamboree. The actual jamboree that is, not that crappy 2002 movie. Although that crappy movie DID have Christopher Walken in it...and something with Christopher Walken in it can't be entirely bad. But uggh... The Country Bear movie is as close to entirely bad as something featuring Mr Walken can be. ...

tee time

I wiled away some time yesterday on the 80s Tees website, where I found a slew of tees that I dug. For your further enlightenment here is that slew ...after all, there's only 7 more shopping days before Valentine's Day. And a humorous tee is ALWAYS appreciated...


**click image for full page expand

1. It's not as if I ever watch Chuck Norris movies, and it's not as if I can sit through any duration of Walker Texas Ranger without throwing up in my mouth a little. Therefore, I don't exactly appreciate Chuck Norris as an actor/ action star. But I inexplicably ADORE C-Nor as a punchline. For instance, this page is quite amusing and this vid is AWWWESOME .

2. Did Yoda promote literacy at any point in the Star Wars saga? I don't recall him doing so, but I LIKE IT. I can't think of a better cause for the li'l guy to champion...

3. Just in case you didn't know . . . WYLD STALLIONS RULE!!

4. I actually had a Sloth shirt...but not this one. I got a big armpit hole in it and that escalated into me ripping the sleeves off. And so it was for a while my icky sticky hot weather bedtime tee (as it was too to' up--literally-- for donning in public) But then I lost it. I still feel the void...that gaping, tragic void. Ideally I would replace it with the exact same Sloth tee...but this one may suffice.

5. Good shirt...only thing needed to make it *GREAT* is the addition of the phrase "Truly, truly,truly outrageous" somewhere on here

6. I actually have this shirt so it didn't need to be in the tee shirt wish list collage. I just couldn't resist GLOATING over what a kick-ass Fred Sanford tee shirt I own.

7. There were quite a lot of Little Miss/ Little Mr tees on this site but the 2 shown here are my favorites. This one would be the #1 fave though. What was Little Miss Splendid's deal anyways?? No, that's not a snide rhetorical query...I really don't know. I didn't have that book. Was she snobby??

8. They had a retro-video /computer games section on this site and I looked for Oregon Trail on a whim, not really expecting to find it. But --voila!-- here you have it. All their Oregon Trail tees are really archaic looking screen caps from the very 1st version of OT. This one pictured is the silliest. I would be reluctant to wear a shirt proclaiming "YOU HAVE DIED OF DYSENTERY" if only a miniscule sector of the general populace is going to pick up on the allusion. I mean, this is just a nano-degree above having a shirt with the word "DIARRHEA" on it, and that-- eww.

But on the other hand... I have such fond Oregon Trail memories. I get the reference,anyways. And it's certainly not unlike me to joke solely for my own benefit. ..

9. I heart the flux capacitor. It happens to be my go-to imaginary part when I am goofing around , blathering away with make-believe tech jargon. Which happens more frequently than you'd think.

The only Back To the Future shirt that could top this : "I am your DENSITY" George McFly MADE that movie. That's why the 2 George McFly-less sequels are so sucky.

10. Ideally I'd like my Sixteen Candles themed tee to have the Long Duc Dong quote: "Oooh Sessy Guuuhlfweeend!" But, in lieu of that, this is okay.

11. I have vague recollections of the Ewoks in the original Star Wars trilogy...like, I don't even know fer sure if they were in Return o' the Jedi or Empire. But I taped Ewoks:The Battle for Endor off TV back in '85 (it's really sad! Her family dies!) and watched it approximately a trillion times. I remember thinkin' Cindal was the coolest girl's name EVER.

12. I really didn't think I'd find my favorite quote amongst the selection of Dirty Dancing shirts. Sure they had the considerably more popular "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!" and a hugely stupid tee that said "Johnny Castle taught me my moves" . But this one is undeniably the best--even if the Dirty Dancing connection is less than overt here.

13. This is good...but I later found #22 that I like better, referencing the same terrif SNL skit.

14. I ADORE this shirt. Seems like...if all kings were like King Friday, there wouldn't be any anti-monarchism sentiment in the world...there couldn't possibly be!

15. A tee of Christopher Walken dancing. Need I explain how that's excellent? I don't think I should have to. I do think H'wood should be cranking out more movie musicals. And then Walken can eschew crap roles in crap films (ie: BALLS OF FURY) and take on more dancing roles. In lieu of that, he could maybe take on a crap dancing role in a crap film...like maybe as the headmaster of Dance Academy in Step Up IV: The Reckoning

Oh, if you wanna see some fine Walken moves, (even better than in that Fatboy Slim vid, I swear!) you should really rent the 1981 Steve Martin flick Pennies From Heaven.

16. The tee that started it all. We have a customer named Carmen who frequently calls in, and whenever she does Robin and I always call her "Carmen Sandiego" (unbeknownst to her) & crack jokes like "WHERE IN THE WORLD is she?? Put a trace on that call!" Which is TOTALLY lame but it has been known to be effective in making someone laugh and/or lose their composure when on the phone with a customer (and that's sort of a competitive sport 'round here). Anyways, we'd had a Carmen call on Tuesday and we were doing the customary jokes. And I suddenly got the nostalgic warm fuzzies about "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" and was telling the gang how I used to be kind of a rockstar at that game when I played it on my Apple IIGS once upon a time. And then I got to wondering what sort of retro Carmen Sandiego merchandising there was to be had out there. It was in this pursuit I wound up at 80s Tees and then began compiling the silly collage that lead to this worthless post.

17. "Beeee Goood"-- hands-down my favorite ET-ism. I know "Phone home" is the ubiquitous ET quote, but this I really prefer. I think he learns this from Gertie and the Speak 'n' spell and /or Sesame Street.

18. The sector of my heart devoted to Magnum P.I. loves this shirt too...but is too preoccupied with lamenting a certain hideous rumor to persuade me to buy this tee.

19. who doesn't heart Matt Foley? As long as there's going to be a "Chris Farley" subset of novelty tees, they oughtta immortalize the "Fat Guy in a Little Coat" bit from Tommy Boy. I love that!!

20. This was one of three Perfect Strangers tees available. One was an plain ol' pic of Larry & Balki that reads "Perfect Strangers" (less than hilarious, that) and the other one struck me as downright creepy. This one is the best o' what slim pickin's they got. Ideally though...they'd carry a shirt depicting the infamous "Dance Of Joy" . Yes, that's a brilliant notion... I must write to someone . ..

21. " You were working as a waitress at a cocktail bar...."

22. see #13, #15...

23. Sort of an inside joke...they don't go for the obvious stapler gag here. I appreciate. Have I mentioned before that the fictitious Peter Gibbons may very well be my soulmate??

24. I like Little Miss Splendid better, but this one may be a closer match to my own disposition.

Heeey--why on earth don't they have tees with the Sweet Pickles gang on 'em??

25. This would be a wonderful addition to my burgeoning collection of Fred Sanford attire. This was Fred's signature beverage--he used to mix up champagne with ripple. . .and voila! CHAMPIPPLE.

26. I watched this show as a youth and somehow, the only thing retained in my memory is that theme song ("Believe it or not, I'm walking on air!! I never though I could feel...so free-eeee-eee...") I have been tempted to buy the Season 1 DVD set in order to jog my memory (let it be known that this is one ridiculous urge I have not yet succumbed to...)

27 a-f. I MUST own a Big Lebowski shirt. I can't really decide which is the best here. As far as text, I really like the phrase "The Dude Abides" but I'm not too big on that odd over-the-shoulder shot we have here in 27c . I think ultimately, it comes down to deciding between either 27d or 27f....

Phat Tuesday

Before I commence with my long weekend recap, I gotsta give a happy birfday shout-out to my sister...who turns 2 bumfit and a pit today. Or, if you prefer-- a score, dicks & a pit. Or a score an' bumfit. Obviously, one would prefer to count it by BUMFITS. Bumfits are rad.

I called Laura to wish her a happy birthday today. I asked her how her birthday was going thus far, and from her sardonic delivery of "Greeeeat." and the loud caucophony of kids (@ home with a snow day today)in the background, I could tell it was just another nutso day at the asylum. I tried to cheer her with the thought that she shares a b-day with Laurence Maroney, who can't be having that hot of a b-day either, having just lost the Superbowl and all. Also born on Feb 5: Bobby Brown. Now he may be having a great birthday ...or maybe not...either way odds are good that he'll be arrested today so you can certainly count yourself lucky to not be that Feb 5 trainwreck. Heeey, y'know that lecherous hogger Daniel Baldwin has vacated his bed at the Celeb Rehab manse... and that just might be the perfect birthday gift for ol' Bobby-- mandatory committal.

So, anywhoo, this weekend...lemme recap...

Friday: work, ordering out from Applebees, ice stormy goodness, home to hibernate.

Saturday: I slept in, took my mom out to Market Basket grocery shopping [while at Market Basket , I was nearly killed by some ocular daggers projected at me by some store manager schmoe who overhead me kvetching to my mom. Ok, so I was kvetching quite loudly, but still ..I wasn't effing talking to HIM. It wasn't even a full-fledged kvetch, it was just a minor quibble. I was overcome by this funny whim to do Seinfeldian ranting about their weird aisle signs ("Whaat is THE DEAL with these aisle signs !!??") Their aisle 6 sign read "AISLE 6: Bread/ Cookies /Crackers/Chips/Oyster Crackers/Saltines" And I was all "Can they not give us credit for being able to deduce that saltines & oyster crackers--as they are TYPES OF CRACKERS--just might be in the same aisle as 'crackers'? Sheeesh..why not list 'graham crackers' and 'Ritz crackers' on the sign??" Anyways the store lackey didn't say anything to me but he looked quite displeased that I was disparaging the Market Basket signage.]
After Market Basket and a late dinner at Pizza Hut, I commenced to crafting some victuals for Sunday's Superbowl party @ casa de Jill y Billiam.
Sunday: After mass and a brief layover at Laura's, I drove to Vergennes for Jilly & Bill's S-bowl soiree . Schmoozed with some fabulous people, ate some delish eats, oh..and there may have been some sporting event on the TV (the latter was less satisfying). Anyways, I had me an excellent time...during the party.
Now, I'm grappling with a touch o' residual guilt because I'm reviewing my Superbowl Soiree deportment and have judged it lacking. I was not the best of guests...sure I brought food & beer, but I'd wager I consumed most of both. I was adequate company (well..adequate upon arrival..upgraded to "good company" after 2 beers...but then downgraded somewhat after ingesting the better part of a six pack and succumbing to that hyper-loquaciousness that tends to accompany my tipsiness) Worst of all, I was not so helpful a helper...sort of a loafy mooch, actually...and my momma done taught me better than that!! I even remembered , about a half hour into my trek homeward on Monday, that I think I left behind a dirty coffee mug, I was so addlepated and groggy..eager to make it back home in time to meet Laura for lunch. Well, I definitely DID leave it, I say I think I left it behind, only because I departed before Jill's cousin Ben, and he seems an upstanding sorta dude (a good deal more thoughtful than moi, I'll wager) and so the offending mug might not have been there when my hosts returned home. If not...thanks Ben!

I'm temporarily withholding my Jill/Bill thank-yous...I think I am going to mail a card. I'm always so charmed when I receive Thank You cards and yet, sadly, I NEVER send 'em out. I believe I may have something within my stationary arsenal suited to the occasion...

For most of the drive home on Monday I was consumed with worry over this continual chirping noise coming from somewhereabouts in my Taurus's innards. Actually, when I refilled my windshield washer fluid I was looking right at where the noise seemed to be issuing from, and I am pretty sure it is a belt (some kind of belt) that is chirping away. Why is it belts chirp? Dirt? Moisture? Because they don't know the words? (Haa!) Well, whatever the reason, it was all my ears could focus on as I rocketed southward on I89. It was diverting me from some choice tunes too. I kept thinking "It can only chirp for so long, and then it's just going to SSSNAP! in two as I'm going 70 mph down the g-d interstate. And what happens when a belt snaps when you're zipping along at such speeds?" Every scenario I played out in my head invariably culminated in fiery wreckage. Oy..

But then, around Sharon (3/4 of the way home) the chirping STOPPED suddenly. But then when I took exit 20 for W Leb it started again, was quite loud as I tooled around W Leb and remained chirping for the remainder of the day. As for today...hasn't made a peep. I am oscillating between concern and dismissiveness and perhaps I could settle on one if this syptom wasn't so fucking intermittant!! GarrrrgrrrrDAGNABBITALL TO HELL!

I need some kind of KITT-like car that will just explicitly TELL ME what the frig is ailin' it. Well, as long as we're dreaming up tall orders, lemme further stipulate: I want my car to have a British accent. But a hot British accent -- perhaps somethin' Clive Owen-ish ....NOT all squeaky and priggish like David Beckham(sorry Becks, but your audio just does NOT synch up right with your magnifico visual).

You know... there's some totally LAME lookin' Knight Rider movie coming up on NBC this month. I'm curious as to who's doing the voice of KITT. I'm pretty sure Mr Feeny is still alive & kickin' (not kickin' so high or all that vigorously at his advanced age , but y'know...still amongst the living anyways) and he's apt to be lookin' for work too. As much as I'd want my talking car to be British I think it'd be nice for the producers of Nouveau Knight Rider to throw Feeny a friggin' bone. Am I right or am I right?

I feel pretty certain they opted to take KITT in a different direction (though I shall hasten now to IMDB to be sure of it...)

Woulda been coulda been worse than you would ever know!!

Have we had the Grammys yet? I do believe they're later this month, no?? I think, of all the new music released in '07, I've enjoyed Modest Mouse's song "Dashboard" the most. It's EXCELLENT. And that's really the only pop music standout that comes to mind for 2007.** Anyways because I am fond of the tune (and my musical taste is IMPECCABLE) the Grammy powers-that-be should most definitely rain down beacoup awards on Modest Mouse. Come to think of it, have the VMA folks handed out awards for excellence in 2007 videos? Because the "Dashboard" video is also MAGNIFICO...
Check it...



** To be utterly truthful, 2 other songs sprang to mind. There was the very awesome "Wolf Like Me" by TV on the Radio, and the less awesome but still very cool "Lazy Eye" by Silversun Pickups. But neither actually qualify, because even if I only noticed 'em in 2007, both were from albums put out in '06

Things about Today; a brief list

• We ordered lunch from Applebees. I got the "Pick n' Pair Lunch Combo" of a chicken fajita rollup + french onion soup. Totally clashing my cuisines, there, I realize. But I don't care, it was utterly delish. Particularly the "mexi-ranch dipping sauce" Yeah, just for your future reference-me mucho gusta mexi-ranch dipping sauce.


• It's lookin' very messy outside, weather-wise. Furthermore, I've gotten reports from my sis confirming that yes, the driving is every bit as treacherous as I've been imagining it to be. Wonder if there are any rules in the corporate handbook regarding camping out in one's cubicle??
• If I do make it home tonight, I have to pay my damn rent ...and after that unpleasantness clears I'll have naught but 3 score an' mether-a-dicks left in my checking account. Yiiikes.

Of sheep and puppets...

So, I was IM-ing Lisa about something...she did me a solid I think, and I responded with a "thank you, madam!" And then I felt compelled to clarify, "I don't mean like a proprietess of an ill-repute house type of madam...I mean like Madam, of Wayland Flowers and Madam fame" But then I began second guessing myself : Wayland Flowers? That's one crazy name...am I remembering that correctly??

Remember those two?? From Solid Gold?? Anyways I had to check it, to see if I was right or not. Come to find out I was mostly right: his name was Wayland Flowers (he died about 20 yrs ago) but her name is Madame. Pronounced the same, just spelled fancier. Furthermore, I found that Madame is back at work (with a new partner) after a lengthy hiatus. And--bestest of all-- she has her own website!! There is even a link on there to email Madame. I was reporting this exciting fact to Lisa and she's like: "Do it!! Email her!!" But...aw, shucks..I wouldn't know what to say to such a LEGEND

Although it has occurred to me that my wardrobe is sadly lacking in glamorous turbans. Maybe Madame could refer me to a retailer of such headgarb...

Another thing recently learned (completely unrelated to the phenom that is Madame) is that long ago in many areas of England there was a counting system for tallying one's sheep. You know how a baker would not be apt to say they baked "24 cookies", they would say instead "2 dozen cookies". Except in this sheep counting system there was a name for every number 1-20. I first got wind of this from my tremendously informative Schott's Almanac desk calendar. Behold----

I dug a bit further and discovered (here) that these sheep counting systems varied so greatly amongst different regions/counties, that I reckon it was damned difficult for shepards of disparate counties to talk shop with each other.

As you mighta presumed, I just LOOVE this. I would like to work these terms into my everyday conversation. And with my job , I could easily do it. Like suppose I get a call like: "Do you have stock on such 'n' such a torch in your TX warehouse?" I check and see 31 there. I could then say "Aye, sir. We've SCORE an' YAN-A-DICKS in our Texas warehouse." It amuses me to no end...but my coworkers are STRONGLY urging that I refrain from trying this. I probably don't have the proverbial stones to try it anyways (especially since our calls have started being "recorded for quality assurance")

I particularly like 15 ("Bumfit") As in: Arrgh, I've naught but 3 bumfit in me ol' checking account. (this is apt to be a true statement on any given week nowadays..)

Mind Rrrrrot

Check this headline about poor Sean Young...(click to enlarge )
I think the Yahoo scribes were unfair to label it "a bizarre heckling incident." Well, I clicked on that provocative "What did she do??" (!!) link for the full 411 and I learned she heckled director Julian Schnabel...he was at the podium and slow to collect his thoughts and start talking and she was hollering for him to "get on with it". Rude, yes. But bizarre?? When a celeb-journalist talks of celeb behavior and uses the adjective "bizarre" , it calls to mind memories of Margo Kidder hiding in shrubberies and Anne Heche calling out to her mother ship. In light of such highly loopy criteria, does Sean Young's li'l slip up really qualify as bizarre?? Hardly!

I think the peculiar element here is that Sean Young was at the Directors' Guild awards in the first place. Sure, the public drunkenness was a bit sad. Although my immediate thought was... that Sean Young is trying to land herself on the Celebrity Rehab show. Either she wants to meet that dishy Dr Drew or it's yet another case of her desparate for work. That's what I like about Sean Young...she ain't too proud to beg. And furthermore, she don't care if you know she's beggin'. I read this big EW interview with her. True, there is a hint of "crazy biotch" about her, but she's refreshingly straightforward as well.

Ok, about this "Celebrity Rehab" . When I saw the previews for it, I was like, "OK, I know I've said we'd hit the bottom of the barrel before--but that was premature. THIS is the definite barrel bottom!!" Laura and I debated this... I was saying how it's the most ruthless exploitation, and the vilest sort of voyeurism. She was saying how celebs going to rehab has become such a blasé convention, but this show is valuable by showing just how UGLY it all is (as well as the grim reality of addiction in general). Well I gave a more eloquent spin to what she actually said, but that was the gist of her argument.

Well after American Gladiators this past Mon night (I was very pleased to catch it in its entirety this week!!) the STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS came on and I was like "What a tremendous DRRRRAAG, man" And I started flipping about the channels to see what was on that didn't harsh my mellow so damn much. In the course of this flipping, I wound up on VH1. Celeb Rehab didn't harsh my mellow so much, but it wasn't exactly light & fluffy programming either. But it was compelling stuff. I could NOT stop watching.

Y'know I still find it exploitative & voyeuristic but I now see some validity to Laura's argument too. I mean, if I watched that show when I happened to have in my possession a not-yet-tapped ration o' crack (an eight ball, right? Izzat what it's called??) I would promptly get rid of the shit after seeing the tragic spectacle of The Artist Who Once Was Kenickie. Seriously. Even if I spent 2 month's rent on it I would flush it down the loo post haste. It IS some scary shit.

So methinks I probably WILL tune in to tomorrow night's new episode. And to the next new eppy...and so on and so on for the rest of the season. I can't help myself-- it's ADDICTIVE !! (haaa) Two things I want to see during this show's run...
*A visit to Brigit from Flaaaaava -FLAAAAV! 'Cause, like FORGET Romeo & Juliet, those 2 schmoopies are an epic love story for the ages....
In lieu of a Flav cameo, it would also be an intriguing to see ol' Sly Stallone check in ...for his dependance on Bovine Growth Hormone or whatever it is he keeps getting busted for in airports... How awkward would that be??

*Also I wanna see Mrs. Dr. Drew. I have to cop to being a wee bit smitten with the good doc. (I mean, Conaway was right--he DOES look good in his tight tee. Damn good) He is quickly emerging as my very favorite famous person with the first name of " Doctor". You know Dr. Phil would loooove to have a successful celebrity rehab show (witness his recent Britney debacle) and , yeah, maybe he could do it, but he couldn't without being a loudmouth jackhole about it . Anyways...I couldn't help but glance at Dr Drew's all important digit--and of course it is be-ringed. Which makes me curious about what sort of dame landed him. I 'spose it's not entirely implausible that we'll get a peek at the Mrs....she might pop in one day, brown baggie in hand: "Oh honey, you forgot your lunch..."

I am my own MARPLOT

Sometimes I love my purse, sometimes I just don't want to be encumbered by a purse. It was the latter case Monday night when I stopped off at a convenience store to buy a bevvie & Subway sammie. So (like a man) I just jammed my wallet in the back pocket of my jeans and headed in.

When I went to pay for my armload of goods, I yanked out aforementioned wallet. It felt thicker to me than usual....my curiosity is piqued at this. Have I gotta wad o' bills in here I forgot about?? Sweet... I am holding the wallet a bit away from me, at counter level, as one is apt to do when extracting their cash/ plastic. I turn the thing around, and on the underside of my wallet was a pad I'd had been toting around in my jeans pocket. (Just as "Ultrathin" as the packaging claimed...'cause I hadn't even realized it was in there) A quick upward glance confirmed that the cashier was in fact staring at my sanitary napkin. Terrif. I very quickly stuffed it in my parka pocket.

I concede--I was a smidge embarrassed. Usually I wouldn't be (for the record). I'm sure as hell not embarrassed to buy 'em...I mean you gotta buy such things (I don't want to meet the chick that handcrafts her own femme products. That's just taking the DIY movement TOO DAMN FAR.) And I've had 'em pawed over by airport security before and don't really give a rat's arse. I think what got me Monday night was how--just for the span of 2 seconds-- that guy at the register looked utterly aghast. Perhaps he was all panicky at the notion that I may be about to try and pay in some frightening new lady currency. "Do you just take Mastercard and Visa or can I pay with my Always? Oh, and how many sodas can I get for three tampons?"

It might have been amusing to attempt a barter, but I can't bear the thought of possibly being banned from that Expressmart because they make my particular variation of the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sub just perfectly.

Moes keeey geee , OK

I have this coworker who has a hopeless hillbilly accent. For instance, one of our key products we sell is plasma cutters, and I am perpetually hearing B. say the word "PlasMER" Also she is often mispronouncing big words...and I don't know how much of that she owes to her hillybilly heritage or a legitimate reading disability. Either way, I realize it's terribly catty of me to laugh at this. And I don't---not aloud anyways. But me & Robin hear these manglings of the English language and always IM each other something like "PlasMER. Ha hahaaa!" So, I'm catty --but not as catty as I could be-- and I'm not solo in my cattiness.

Today, we both heard B. verifying the address of someone who's in Muskogee, Oklahoma. And she very laboriously prounounced it "Moes-key-gee". And after Robin & I had a good chortle over this, I was saying to her how it gave me flashbacks to grade school when I was always less sympathetic than I shoulda been toward the "bad readers" of the class.

I'm sure this lack of sympathy is why I am so immensely amused by this Gerry Dee bit...


I heart this dude. I totally think he shoulda won LCS!!

Fancy foreign phraseology

One of my weekday customs (time permitting) is to check a few dictionary sites (there are 3 I use regularly) and see what their "word of the day " happens to be. I only give it a quick peek, and only click for an expanded definition if the word instantly arrests my interest.

I have found, through this practice, that I have a bit of a penchant for foreign phrases. French and Latin, in particular. I love dabbling in Latin. In fact, I was so delighted by this directory that I've made it a new fixture on my links sidebar.

Anyways...here's a couple of blue-ribbon vocab. acquisitions I have recently picked up...

SANGFROID-- This term I have read, but previously I kinda skimmed over it without perceiving its meaning (shameful, I know!) But I find it kind of a handy word now that I've read up on it. Unfortunately, the pronunciation of it is a bit awkward and it can't really be slipped seamlessly into conversation like other French words like beaucoup , or tres. No, like "soupçon" this one might be best reserved for written expression.

Click on pic for definition. Or hear pronunciation here.

also I appreciate the Latin NOLENS VOLENS --which I'd never heard previously. But it does seem to me to be eminently useful.



Click on pic for definition

Many Cheerful Facts About the Square of the Hypotenuse!

For lunch today I had boiled dinner leftovers that I swiped from my parent's place this weekend. Yes, they're STILL feeding off the leftovers!! I told you I made a gogmagogical TON! Well, I weren't jus' whistling Dixie, sister!

I sure as hell hope it was still a-okay for consumption. I didn't see any mold or moss growing on anything, at least. I skimmed through some online article--last week I think it was-- that said that recent studies indicate food poisoning may have lasting effects on your health. It was scary stuff at just a perfunctory glance-- probably would have scared the hell outta me if I'd fully read the thing.

MSN.com always has such interesting headlines...I kinda miss it as my homepage. I just changed my homepage last Fri from the MSN site to yahoo.com. This was to keep me more vigilant in regards to my yahoo email inbox. I cleaned it out last week and there were about 70 emails in there (lotsa junk mail mostly).

Saturday I went on a bit of an iTunes buying binge. Today, I have been thoroughly enjoying my new acquisitions. I shall enumerate 'em for you (+ commentary, of course )

From The Pajama Game soundtrack:

• The Pajama Game /Racing with the Clock



• I'm Not At All in Love



• There Once Was a Man (I particularly dig this one; however, this is the B'way show soundtrack not the movie's and I find Janis Paige's voice a smidge grating on this one song and prefer Doris Day's take on it)



• Steam Heat



• Think of the Time I Save



• Hernando's Hideaway



• Seven and a half Cents

And I already had 2 versions of the classic "Hey There" (imported from CDs I had) Thought I'd mention that, lest you think I made a foolish omission..

Some Clapton stuff:

• Cocaine
• Promises (my absolute fave Clapton song. "Lay Down Sally"--which I already had-- is a *close* 2nd)

Some "light opera" (Gilbert & Sullivan):

• I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General ( from Pirates of Penzance--which I've never seen, but I find myself wanting to now, simply on account o' this terrific song. It's been caught in my noggin & I keep singing just the first two lines over & over, well, because that's all I've got down pat at this point. But hey--now that I have it on my iPod, and I've found a site w/ the lyrics... I should be performing this in no time. Yeeeahh, that & the jaw harp....
• Titwillow (from The Mikado; this is good but it goes without saying that the Rowlf & Sam the Eagle duet is lots better!!)
  

Some crooner-y goodness:

• Button Up Your Overcoat (a very good qual. version, but I've no idea who performs it. If you know this oldie, you know the lyrics are comprised of naggy motherish advice ie: "Button up your overcoat, when the wind is free.." Well I am especially delighted by this one line: "Keep away from bootleg hooch, when you're on a spree" EXCELLENT advice...that I shall take pains to heed in the future)


• Swinging on a Star (Bing Crosby)


• High Hopes (this version by Frank Sinatra; I love this song. I remember singing it at camp one year. I'll never understand why the phrase "high apple pie in the sky hopes" never became part of common vernacular.)

Some Roger Miller-- I don't know if I blogged this before, but I LOVE Roger Miller. I generally am quite anti-country music, but there's an exception to every rule, si? Well I have 3 exceptions to my general "Country music sucks" rule: Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton and especially exempt is Roger Miller.

I learned recently that Miller hosted a Season 3 episode of The Muppet Show. This makes me all antsy-in-the-pantsy for a Season 3 DVD release. 'Cause y'all know I was gonna be buying it anyways.

Anywhoodle, I had downloaded some Roger Miller on my very first iTunes buy, but somehow forgot to buy these two songs:

• The Moon is High



• You Don't Want My Love

Some Classic Rock picks--

• Dance, Dance, Dance (Steve Miller Band)
• True Fine Love (")
• Jungle Love (")


• Seven Bridges Road (The Eagles)
• Southern Cross (Crosby, Stills,& Nash)
• Misunderstanding (Genesis)
• That's All ( " )

A li'l something more current--

• O Valencia! (by The Decemberists; this song makes me think of work --just a smidge. Only because in our TX office we have a coworker named Valencia. When this song 1st came out --I think back in 2006-- I actually emailed a link to the song to Valencia. I'm not even that chummy with her, but I felt obliged to do it. It's always cool to have a popular song with your name in it {unless like me, all you've got is that horrid Mambo #5. Which is, as I think I inferred, HORRID, and you've got to share it with about 20 other girls besides} and O Valencia! is an excellent song to boot. But I didn't know if it was a mainstream radio staple out in TX so I thought I'd give V the tip just in case. Come to find out, my instincts were impeccable in this instance, as she'd never heard the song and she wound up liking it immensely.)

And from Waaay out in Left Field--

• Put Another Log on the Fire ( this funny song I became smitten with when I saw it on a Season 1 episode of The Muppet Show. It was SUPER hard to find online and I had to settle on a cover by some hick group called The Geezinslaws { no shitting} I like the one sung by Jim Henson better. Y'know, it's absolutely CRIMINAL that the Muppet Show soundtrack {available on CD since 2002} is not available on iTunes. Lyrics of this song--by the way-- were penned by Mr Shel Silverstein. So it's no wonder they crack me up. The guy actually wrote a lotta songs-didja know that? Probably most famous of these: A Boy Named Sue)

• Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport (very amusing.. I'd never noticed before that the chief instrument being played throughout this ditty is...I believe...a piece of sheet metal. Well, that's what it sounds like anyways..)

Scan-a-palooza!!

Yesterday I stumbled onto (in the cupboards under the bookcase in the livingroom at mi padres' casa) a FamilyCircle that was older than I am.

Specifically it was from June 1976. Here is the cover---



Our cover model Susan is the daughter of then-president Ford. Does she not have a faint Kate Hudson look about her? I rather like that little beach robe she's sporting. Family Circle seems to believe I can sew one up "in a snap"!! (so claims the article within)

I've scanned all the noteworthy pages. Browse thru along with me, won'tchya??




I know the decor is terribly outdated but I rather like this kitchen. It's like they were going for neauvo-medieval...with a dash of squirrel statuary.

I so recognize this artwork but can't quite recall the illustrator's name. The dude used to draw for MAD mag though, which is why this seems familiar to me (as I was mad for MAD right up 'til freshman year in h.s.)

15 cents? Really?? Come on...I don't think that'll buy you anything ..not even back in '76.

I LOVE spoon jewelry !! Damn you General Mills Co/Betty Crocker for not continuing this fabulous offer!! I have a spoon bracelet and a spoon ring (ring is currently MIA, unfortunately) but I could always go for more!! I don't like the "Silver Satin" collection but "Brahms" is lovely...

Genuine circa 1976 recipes and if you can expand this pic to readable size you're free to recreate these dishes in your own kitchen. I should forewarn you that the gustatory delight at the top of the page , left side is actually macaroni salad WITH HOT DOGS CHUNKS in it. Grrrrody. Not even that daft dame Rachel Ray would do that!!

this ad is for Campbells soup...which would be obvious if I'd scanned the other 1/2 page of this 1 1/2 page ad spread. I just wanted to capture the idyllic picnic scene. If I lived in this sweet li'l farmhouse I would put my diningroom set out in the backyard and dine in just this fashion. Substitute French onion soup for the split pea (bleccch!) and it'd be paradise.I'm so glad she can remember why it is she smokes. I rather think it more imperative for her to remember to fully button up her damn shirt.

Next up: another doofy cig ad. Magazines are so lacking in this wonderfully mockable shit nowadays...

"Helen, I thought you were going take pictures of us foolin' around by the waterfall? Get on over here!" "Just ashing on some wildflowers,hon. I'll be over in just a minute..."

No offense, Ida, but Marion's dog is, like, 10X cuter than yours.

Do they still sell Gainesburgers? They strike me as pretty awesome (both Gainesburgers and Gravy Train do). I don't know why I should be so delighted by either, as I'm not a frequent ingester of doggy food of any variety.

**The bicentennial of our great nation and all they can come up with is "Grand Olde Vanilla"? Really? Methinks Elsie--as the chief Borden ad mascot--pulled rank in this case, because son & hubby really had some better suggestions...

Pretty unexceptional ad here. But this product just makes me laugh. Are these appetizing to ANYONE? This stuff makes Spam look like filet mignon.
I remember back in 7th or 8th grade my friend Christina and I used to hang out in her backyard in her family's camper in May & early June when they were "airing it out" for the camping season. And one time we found a few cans of this crap in there that had been rattling around in the camper's cupboards since who the frig knows when and we opened 'em up out of curiosity. And one of us (I can't recall which one of us) called them "little belly button sausages" because it looked to us like a can full of outie belly buttons. And that's what I have called these things ever since. Because what the fuck do they have to do with Vienna anyways??

**This pic will expand if clicked on, BTW. I'm never sure (until after publishing) if Blogger will allow my images to do that or not.

Quite caught up on my beauty sleep

OY. I was crrrrazy lazy this a.m. and slept in until 1pm. Well, I woke up at 10:30 at which time I had to pee just the tiniest smidgen, but I was sooo comfily coocooned in my blankets that I couldn't be budged. Woke up again at 11:37 and, yep still had to pee, but I was so warm and snuggly that I dropped off for another hour and 22minutes of slumber. When I woke up the third & final time (at 12:59pm) I said to meself "okay this is redunkulous ...you're going to hurt your damn kidneys. What if you have to donate one of those one day?" But anyways, just goes to show you that my bladder can be quite easily subdued if properly swaddled in soft blankies.

Like most times I sleep away the morning, I dreamed a series of totally random, disjointed vignettes. I don't remember most of 'em, but in one dream mi amiga Jill and her sister Pam were models. And then right after that I dreamt I was travelling by train in a foreign country and this train had enclosed passenger cars and then these "open-air" cars . And I'm not sure what country I was in but outside there were tigers everywhere. Not particularly threatening tigers...they were kind of all just laying around. I guess they were SOO lackadaisical that I had no qualms about strolling out and riding in the open air car (it's tough to describe..it was sort of like the top of a double decker bus...except on a train car) but the tigers were jumping into the train...but they were still pretty chill once they got on the train too--lying around, licking themselves, pacing, sleeping. Still, methinks dreamSandra was nuts not to beat feet back to the enclosed car...

I wonder if your standard issue dream dictionary is apt to have an entry on tigers...??