Make with the tender happiness and frills, babe. And don't forget my pan!

I just read the loopiest thing--Scientology wedding vows. They do have that weird culty undercurrent to them that one would expect from anything Scientology-related, but for the most part, they give off a loopy Dr Seuss-esque vibe. They just silly...check 'em out...

The minister to the bride:
“And do you take/His fortune/At its prime and ebb/And seek/With him best fortune/For us all?/Do you?”
and then says to the groom:
“Now, (groom's name),/girls need clothes/And food and/Tender happiness and frills/A pan, a comb,/perhaps a cat/All caprice if you will/But still/They need them./Do you then/Provide?/Do you?”

the preceding was pasted direct from an MSNBC article. Anyways, I think it's when they get into the itemization of wifely requirements that the vows veer off into One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish territory. "A pan, a comb, perhaps a cat......a plaster gnome... a chartreuse hat"

Mostly it just makes me want to run out and snag me a Scientology stud. I've been wondering how on Earth I was going to acquire that pan I've been yearning for. Not to mention that comb I've been eyeing down tah the dollar store. Just think of all the copious loot made available if you sign up to become a Scientology wife. Not to mention tender happiness and frills and all that happy horseshit. Sounds much better than marrying into Mormonism, doesn't it??

So today is the birthday of Carl Ditters von Dittersdorf...who turns 267 years young today. Also born on Nov 2 (back in 1865) was this dude:

Doesn't he look like a MEAN bastard?? Well, I don't want to make any assumptions based on just one surly mugged photo, but still... sheeeesh. That's 29th prez Warren G Harding, by the way. And despite what this pic seems to indicate, the G does NOT stand for Grumpy nor Grouchy. The dude's middle name was "Gamaliel" Pretty snazzy, I thought. And just an FYI for y'all, I did not learn that from wikipedia, rather that is noted on the Presidents of the United States of America (Los presidentes de los Estados Unidos de America) plastic placemat I have hanging up on my cubicle walls. I love educational placemats. And I don't learn everything from wikipedia.

So I told mi amiga Robin that Harding's middle name was Gamaliel and she counter-educated me that that is a Biblical name...the name of some high priest in the Bible. She is quick with the Bible-smarts, that one. I've never heard of Gamaliel. But y'know Robin is a Baptist just like Warren G Harding was...so maybe the Baptist folk dwell more on obscure high priests than we Roman Catholics do. Whatev. I bet if the Jeopardy category were "Saints" I would kick her ass though.

I am going to mentally bookmark the name "Gamaliel" as a possible pet name or prized inanimate object name (y'know like how one might name their car or their wooden leg or something).

I watched the Thriller video on Yahoo music this afternoon. Not the same kick as having it come on the radio but it was a worthwhile diversion nonetheless. You know, compared to how MJ looks now... zombieMJ is a downright HOTTIE.

Dia De Los Muertos

I am officially irked at my entire local radio community. Yes, I am one of those subversive Luddites that does not subscribe or listen to satellite radio. Furthermore, I am sooooo technologically stunted that I don't even have my CD player installed in my car. So I listen to the radio.

Maybe modern technology is partially to blame here. Could it be that traditional radio stations, convinced that everyone is plugged into their Ipods or listening to Sirius, and that they have lost ALL their listeners, maybe they think then that no one will be disappointed when they fail to play "Monster Mash" and/or "Thriller" for Halloween.

Well I was listening radio community, and I was immensely disappointed. And on MY BIRTHDAY no less ! DaaaaAAAMN IT!!

However I should mention that Q106 somewhat redeemed itself today by playing Led Zeppelin's Heartbreaker during my lunch hour. None of the rest of y'all are off the hook though!!!

My birthday was...uhh, well, it certainly wasn't a bad day, but it was..meh. On the one hand, I'm thinking: "That's just fine. It's okay to have a "meh" birthday. After all, it's tremendously arrogant of you, this notion you foster that the world revolves around it being your birthday." But the other part of me is inordinately bummed that I had a "meh" birthday, since I feel certain that in Oct 2007, at the dawn of my third decade, my talent for having or producing fun will decrease by--at the very least-- 50%. If this suspicion has any validity...well, maybe I should designate 2007 as my year to "make hay while the sun shines"....whatever that might entail.

Today in Mexico is Dia De Los Muertos--"Day of the Dead". Accordingly I am wearing a red do-rag with skulls on it. Now it is COMPLETELY COINCIDENTAL that commemorate Dia De Los Muertos with a skull themed do-rag day fell on the very same day as skip-a-morning-shower-because-you-want-15-more-minutes-of-sleep day.

You say it's your birthday? It's my birthday too YEAH

If I were a restauranteur, I would not shy away from the much maligned practice of serenading patrons who are out celebrating their birthday. This tradition embarrasses your customers and demeans the staff simultaneously...so yeah, very handy, I would definitely make it mandatory policy. I think I'd make the staff put on Ray Bans and have one of them hold up a boombox (Lloyd Dobler style) and blast the Beatles's "Birthday" and have them all sing along. And I want the volume up to 11. Off key shout-singing is a plus. And if anyone is found to be just mouthing the words, they will be fired immediately and publicly.

And here is that terrific birthday song that makes that lameass old timey "Happy Birthday to You" burn itself with lit birthday candles in fits of mad self-hatred...

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you

Yes we're going to a party, party
Yes we're going to a party, party
Yes we're going to a party, party

I would like you to dance (birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (birthday)
I would like you to dance (birthday)
Ooo, dance, yeah I would like you to dance (birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (birthday)
I would like you to dance (birthday)
Ooo, dance
You say it's your birthday It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's you birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you


Altered Images's "Happy Birthday", also a good alternate birthday tune, although I would not have my hypothetical future waitstaff sing that one.

So yeah, it's mah birfday (go. go.go..go Shawty) and Halloween. If I don't hear Thriller or Monster Mash before midnight tonight, I just might throw a fucking tantrum.

Who will buy my sweet red roses? Two blooms for a penny...

Hey comrades. Sorry for being incommunicado yesterday. I actually did log on with intent to post, but it was my foul luck that I did so when Blogger was down for maintenance for an hour. You didn't miss much from yesterday. I had a very meeting filled morning. I had to sit through an absolutely mind numbing all employee meeting. I only wish I'd had the foresight to paint eyeballs on my glasses lenses and then I could've managed an hour long nap ('cause that trick works, right? I mean, I presume so, as it fooled Mrs Grundy in all my old Laff Digests) And then a bunch of us had to phone in to this totally unnecessary training on the SPR database. That would've been a REAL drag, if it weren't for instant messaging. Our interoffice email system has this instant messaging feature that allows you to chat in groups, and throughout this training conference call Laurel, Robin, & I were maintaining an entertaining IM banter-- cracking jokes, ridiculing the trainers, chatting about hookers and pooping in your pants. You know...very cerebral, high-class discourse.

I have added the Channel Islands (specifically the Bailiwick of Geurnsey) to my fanciful "Places to See when Globe- trotting Someday" list that I maintain in my head. Something about the place intrigues me. Check out their site and if you wanna come with, just let me know...

I completed my costume construction efforts on Wednesday night, so I suppose I can safely reveal that I am going to be a Grecian Goddess for Halloween. I think, specifically, I'll be Athena. She had such a cool birth story...Zeus like, had a noggin-caesarean and Athena popped out full-grown and in armor. Wiiild.

Gotta jet my pets... hope y'all have a SPLENDIFEROUS weekend!!!!

meatloaf maaaadness!!

Adelphia has VH1 Classics as the free preview of the week. This is quite welcome indeed, after 2 weeks of the snooze-inducing Outdoor Network. However, last night on VH1 was Meat Loaf night. And NO, I am not talking about the ground beef entree, I adore that meatloaf. Apparently the only press coverage the upcoming Bat Out Of Hell III is getting (Bat Out Of Hell III? Seriously? Just how many bats are emigrating from Hell? Is it really so hard to come up with a different name??) is from VH1 Classics. But y'know the folks at VH1 Classics, God love 'em, they're doing a bang up job of promoting the piece of crap (or should I say...GUANO?? HAAAA!!) Last night they had an hour long interview with Mr Loaf hisself (aired twice ) and they also played a biographical TV movie "Meatloaf: To Hell and Back" . It seems I am a sucker for these VH1 biopics. This one I was compelled to keep flipping back to (during Nip/Tuck commercial breaks) just waiting on something--anything-- noteworthy to happen. I mean, at least the MC Hammer story had crack dealers shooting people and the dead skunk in the pool. I really don't see the necessity of a Meat Loaf biopic. I'm really straining the noggin and...nothing. I still don't get it. But if they had to make it (and apparently someone did) I think they should have named the movie "...But I Won't do THAT". That would've piqued my interest even before the opening shot flickered across my telly. I would think " Oh my! 'THAT' really is as freakydeaky and unmentionable an act as I'd theorized it was back in '92!! And it's going to be revealed at long last in this crappy VH1 movie! I absolutely MUST tune in!!" Oh, and the dude they got to star really looked a hell of a lot like Meat Loaf. So if the acting thing was a bust, he could certainly get work as a Meat Loaf decoy who protects ML from getting mobbed by overzealous fans (Oh no! We were actually accosting Tofu Loaf the whole time!! Foiled again!) HAaaa...as if that ever happens. Well, alternately, if Meat Loaf were taking classes in night school, but realized that this guy (henceforth referred to as Tofuloaf) is smarter than he is...then he could go in to class for ML during exams.

After the movie they played a video for "Paradise By the Dashboard Lights". I'm not sure if they set out to do a video and just decided to do the plain ol' concert footage style video, OR if somebody took actual concert footage and later turned it into a makeshift video. Well anyhow, it was concert footage --either staged or real. And I do believe that the chick on stage is the very chick that sings on that track. Now during the heavy petting/ baseball part of the song, it cuts between the concert footage and old baseball clips , although I wish they'd just shown the baseball footage only because ...uggh. Meat Loaf was genuinely MAULING this poor lady. There was GROPING and there was SMOOCHING and she was getting all his Meat sauce all over her...well, actually she looked fairly dry...but she must've gotten at least somewhat soggy because they were all entwined and Meat Loaf was sweating BARRELLS (forget buckets) as I believe is his onstage custom. Anyways I felt bad for the chick...it's not like she's some rap video ho, she is a professional singer. Even if she got adequate financial compensation for that (and I doubt it) still….how flippin’ degrading, eh?

Oh ya know how I was blathering on about old school vinyl Halloween costumes the other day? Well then I find this. Y'know as un-realistic looking as these things are, ya gotta give them beaucoup creativity points for the concept. I mean, the costume industry is definitely putting out a higher end product these days, but it seems to me (after a browse through the retro gallery) that their idea pool is considerably more limited now. Back in tha day I coulda been Hagar the Horrible, or Shaun Cassidy (Da doo ron ron ron ron, da doo ron ron) or Boss Hogg. Y'know, if I found this earlier in October, I honestly think it would've inspired me to dress up as Johnny Tremain for Halloween (in the "Real People" section of the gallery, second row). I wonder if that costume came with a deformed hand mitt??

Again: GRRRRRrrr!

Blogger is being a disobedient turd and I can't post my old pic of goofy looking vinyl clad trick or treaters. You can check it out for yourself here.

Which reminds me, I must give testomonial--Flickr is a very nifty site when searching for an image online. I have discovered I like it waaaay better than doing a Google image search. Methinks I will add it on to my list o' links....

Manga!!

I was compelled to order out for lunch, specifically, to get antipasto from a nearby Italian ristorante. Mmmmm MMM! Good impulse. Somehow between my car and my cubicle the antipasto got all jumbled and tossed around together but it's still very delish. If my parents could only see me chowing down now!! Because I have this aversion to certain foods touching on my plate, my parents have made me out to be some kind of extreme OCD case. I am fine with bacon snuggling up next to my scrambly eggs in the a.m. and I've no qualms with potato chips spooning with my sammich at lunch time...that's FINE with me. They've totally zeroed in on my practice (during Thanksgiving or other holiday feasts) of making a veritable Hoover Dam with my mashed potatoes to prevent my gravy from flooding my plate. No, that's innacurate really, it's not really a dam as much as it is a bird's nest...well, gravy nest. An incredibly structurally sound gravy nest. So yeah, I don't like all my eats to be swimmin' in gravy, and I HATE it when cranberry sauce infects my mashed taters (so much so that I've pretty much quit cranberry sauce completely) And it bewilders my whole family that I don't subscribe to their "It all goes to the same place!!" bit o' logic!! Well DUH-- it's the journey, not the destination, people!! I mean if co-mingling is SUCH a non issue for everybody, on account of the "It all goes to the same place!" rule, then I propose a liquid Thanksgiving dinner. Turkey-yam-potato-stuffing shakes for all!!!
Sorry...was carried off on a tangent for a bit there. Anyways, I was saying that I am perfectly fine with all the components of my lunch getting mixed around. There was a lotta stuff in the antipasto but the best bits were: proscuitto, roasted red peppers, black olives (they might be kalamata) marinated artichoke, 2 cheese chunks (1 mozzarella, and 1 parmesan-esque cheese...it wasn't parm though) chunks of pesto chicken, eggplant, little garlicky crostini toasts. Oh man, not to slight my French/ Scottish/ Irish ancestors but, the Italians really know how to eat!! Yummm.

I am determined to figure out how to get back onto Accuradio. It is my absolute FAVORITE online radio provider but since we changed computers in August, I've not been able to access it. And I am MIGHTILY vexed. Grrr! I think what I need to do is - in Symantec Anti-Virus, go to "Configure" and from there disable the Auto-Protect feature (just long enough to launch Accuradio, then I fully intend to reenable!) Problem being, when I get into Symantec, there is no "Configure" menu option to be found. ANYWHERE. So it's locked by the system administrator or something. System administrators are cruel, cruel bastards and as I may have mentioned before, I find myself rather vexed by the whole quandary. Oh yeah--mightily vexed. Mightily vexed, indeed. If it were some inferior form of 'net radio I would just say screw it and give up the pursuit. But Accuradio is sweeeeet. It has many commendable features, but probably my favorite is that if you happen to hear a song that particularly delights you, and you think, "Heeey, yeah, I could so listen to 'Tarzan Boy' by Baltimora again" then you can hit the STOP button on your player as you near the song's end and then hit PLAY , and it will start it over again. And you could listen to it over and over and over again (until you've figured out the lyrics maybe???) Here's another impediment to me getting Accuradio back on my work 'puter...ummm, we're not exactly supposed to listen to any 'net radio at all. CDs are okay, but streaming music is expressly verboten. Therefore, I can't really beseech my local IT stooge to aide me. I need to do it by my ownself. I need to find me a chink in the firewall. Damn corporate fun gestappo...harshing my mellow all the time. Ain't that just like THA MAN?

There are a couple of these plastic mask/vinyl smock Halloween get ups in my parent's basement...there's a Dracula, a Wonder Woman, & a Yoda. I do recall that I was the one who dressed up as Yoda, but I'm not entirely sure who donned the other 2. Anyways...I wish I still saw these Halloween costumes in the stores these days. Not that I'd be buying one or anything. It just saddens me, inexplicably, how these vinyl costumes seem to have "gone the way of the Dodo" as they say. It's like they're not good enough for today's kids. It was good enough for me!! What the hell ails the youth of America??

Sinfonia in Fmajor Grave F7: Andante

I'm listening to A to Z of Classical Music and particularly liking Sinfonia in F major. The only thing that sort of weakens its cred is that the composer's name was Karl Ditters von Dittersdorf. No joke. He was a real guy. If he'd had the foresight to realize he was going to compose great works that would resonate for centuries maybe he would've changed his name to something with a bit more gravitas. But then again, that would've robbed the von Dittersdorf name of future glory. So I guess I'm okay with his decision to remain Karl Ditters von Dittersdorf. Not that he needed my permission.

Ok truth is, I'm super tired today and I feel like arse. I don't really feel like posting today but I aim to be conscientious in at least one area of my life. So here you have it. I will try to be not so much of a crabby patty tomorrow, okay?

Happiness is... finding your skate key

What to do with my weekend....hmmmm... well I do have Lucy's birthday party on Sunday (she will be 2 on Oct 25!!) and her b-day gift only partially procured. I got her a hedgehog puppet and 2 books but I would like to get her somethin' else. Maybe a couple of outfits. And I need to get her a card. But that's not going to take up my whole evening + Saturday. Damned if I can't think of anything to do with my time.

Maybe I shall finish up "The Prestige". Ambitious plan, eh??

Could also work on finishing my Halloween costume. That needs to get done, and yet, I don't like my weekend itinerary to list any activities that include the word "work".

Awwww , shucks this has been such a dud of a post I'm not even sure I'm going to publish it. This crap should be scrawled on a post-it note, not proffered in a forum of wit and insight like this. I'm sorry.

Consider this finding to be a peace offering. It's damned good advice, kids. Also it is thought provoking... what kind of schools have both ostrich and abominable snowman pupils?? That is some mad liberal mainstreaming policy they gots goin' on...

Ciao until Monday dearies...

I'm an astute judge of (fictional) character...

I think I postulated in an early post that Ernie (yes, THAT Ernie...of Bert & Ernie fame) was not really the jolly good fellow that the American public is inclined to believe. Well, in my disjointedly varied web meanderings I have found further proof of this. From the venerable publication Sesame Street magazine....

These are both 1973 issues...I feel they validate my perception that Ernie, jovial and lovely orange hued though he may be, is essentially a self-centered BASTARD. Bert is undoubtedly the better Muppet and anyone who disagrees is just an ignorant perpetuator of UNIBROW PREJUDICE (and shame on you!!)

Well, let us go from the "Street" to the Runway shall we....

My favorite collection on last night's Project Runway was definitely Uli. My full rankings (from #1 favorite to #4 -worst collection)--
1. Uli
2. Jeffrey (a very close second, I'm afraid)
3. Laura
4. Michael (perhaps you should've let KITT help you design the collection??)

I liked every single piece of Uli's collection and I think that the judge's assessment was spot on (that she makes clothing that every woman wants to wear). My only gripe with Uli's collection was that a few of her dresses were hellaciously high-hemmed (HA!! Alliteration-yay!) Like, I'm talkin', cut right up to the cootah. Aye chihuahua!!! (I'm sorry...that was crass)

Another factor that made me prefer Uli's collection over Jeffrey's was the choice of tunes. I know that they're not really being judged on that, but I can't help but take that into consideration as I am a very musical gal (just ask any of my annoyed office mates). I really liked Uli's music...it was like funky fairytale techno. It was well suited to a runway show without being trite. But Jeffrey's music....blecccch. It SOOOO did not instill in me a lust for fashion. I think, instead, I craved OPIUM. Yes. That's IT exactly! That music made me want to die alone in a god-forsaken opium den. Maybe that was a tie-in to his whole Gothic Harajuku girls motif or whatever nutty backstory he was peddling. I don't care if it made things more cohesive...it DISPLEASED me.

Shitty music aside, there were a lot of pieces in Jeffrey's collection that I dug. His showcase stripey dress with the much ballyhooooooed zipper detailing was nice. Although my faves were 2 babydollish mini dresses he did, one of which was a sort of out of character dk blue one that all the judges were lukewarm about. There were a few shredded up separates that I just didn't get, but overall it was a decent collection. And innovative. That's the keyword, folks. That's why I KNEW he'd win this thing ( not all along, but after they'd all shown their Olympus collections, I knew) . The PR crew has always prized innovation above all. It trumps beauty 9 times outta 10 (unfortunately). And I have found that my fervent loathing of Jeffrey has dissipated and it leaves me only with a faint residue of apathetic disdain for the troll. After his multiple weepy breakdowns on this episode I think it's apparent that he only affected this ultra-defensive, prickly exterior in order to guard his tender inner Jeffrey. You know the real Jeffrey, that's a namby-pamby pastry puff. You may have won the competition Jeffrey, but also you tried to be the show's resident "bad guy" and you failed miserably on that count. In other words: Jeffrey, I've seen Santino, I know Santino. Santino is a favorite of mine. Sebelia, you are NO SANTINO!!! (the crowd applauds wildly)

Speaking of which, where is Santino anyway?? I can only presume that he turned down PR's pleas for him to shill Saturn Roadsters during season 3....I cannot conceive of the possibility that they did not even ask him...that--that-that's just crazytalk.

Not much to say about Laura's collection...it was gorgeous, luxurious, impeccably crafted...blah, blah, blah. Totally no surprises there. I suppose she could've kept the kooky chartreuse coat but I suspect they would've found a way to deride her for that too. Anyways, I particularly liked her long dress with the lattice-like pattern and her kicky li'l cocktail dress with just the faintest chartreuse bead trim at the top. I thought maybe as Laura swelled up and filled out in her gestational period, she might start empathizing with the more rack-tackular (or buxom-er) models and put them on the runway. But nope. She seems to have a genuine affinity for the Mr Burns body type. Maybe it reminds her of her sentegenarian hubby. Yuck. I can't believe she breeds with that dude.

Ohhhhhh MICHAEL. What the hell ails you? I have always really liked you, and so it pains me to say that your whole runway show was an embarrassing SLUT-STRAVAGANZA. Like, everybody in the audience was either stoic or uncomfortable, except maybe for Brandy but that girl is mentally on par with a Beta fish so not much consolation in that, I fear. Even worse than witnessing your collection was watching your stammering apologetic defense of it. "I-- I--I'm only 28!!" Oh waaah. The shrewd move would be a Santino-like shrug and just telling the judges to kiss your black arse. Ahhh, but that is not your way.

I miss you Santino. In my dream Season 4, Santino AND my sweet Malan (and his delightful MMMmmwaa ha HAHA) return to the show. If that were to happen---damn!--- it would take nothing short of a tornado ripping the roof off my house to get me away from the tube on Wed night.

Well I must jet, my pets....

some vittle chatter (slow news day)

I went over to my folks' last night for dinner. My dad cooked some ribs. These ribs --holy schnikey-- they were like the live-action equivalent of the cartoon ribs that toppled the Flinstones' car over. (Wilmaaaaa!)Ginormous. He said he bought them at BJ's but I suspect he made up that lie so as not to get in trouble with the game warden for shooting a Stegasaurus during doe season. I felt highly indelicate--primal even-- attacking such a meal. Like maybe I shoulda been squatting in the dirt wearing animal skins for the occasion. Probably the usage of utensils would have lessened that sense of devolution, but naaah. I'm not that big on utensils to begin with, and they are discouraged in traditional rib consumption protocol anyways. I mostly filled up on Brussels sprouts. I want to go on record proclaiming my intense & undying love for B-sprouts. They are so cute and delicious and good for you, but they get such a bad rap.

As is customary when I visit, I raided the parental fridge, made a tuna sami for today's lunch. I used a pita pocket that I was suspecting was going to be less than tasty as it had the consistency of tar paper. But the excellence of my tuna salad must've been contagious on contact because the pita sami ended up being pretty yummy. Forgive my boasting but I happen to hold a PhD in Tuna Salad Prepology. I make my tuna with mayo, scads of ground up garlic, a smidgeon of dill, a generous smattering of pepper and a wee tiny skoach of salt. Usually I like to add a li'l dash of lemon juice as well, but that wasn't on hand last night. That's a lot more ingredients than Food Network glamour puss Giada De Laurentiis uses to make tuna (I saw her do a tuna panini sammich on my first and last viewing of her insipid Everyday Italian show. Bah. Gimme Paula Dean anyday over that trollop) but she also uses CHUNK LIGHT tuna, otherwise known as the tuna that looks like catfood, so just how trustworthy is her culinary vision anyway?

Heidy ho, sports fans. Not much of anything to report on today, but I felt I should write just the same. I neglected the blog yesterday and this stabbing pang of regret is most vexing. I imagine that pang would
intensify if I skipped posting today too.

So a recap of my weekend...as briefly as I can manage. ...
Saturday afternoon I had a mini spending spree...dropped a bit of moolah at Encore Books and then at Kohls. The Encore purchases may not even count as vice, as none of the books I bought were for me. I bought an armload of books for the muffins. Encore has a really, really great kids book section. At Kohl's I bought new jeans and new black pants (both such wardrobe staples, they were truly PRACTICAL purchases) a necklace and this terrific cardigan.. Aforementioned cardigan may not even look good on me, my internal jury is still out on that point, but I had to buy it just the same. I love the color ...this really nice, TAUPE. Y'all don't know how badly my wardrobe was needing a shot of taupe, okay? And aside from the fab hue, it's is so soft and cuddly... even more so than the hide of the Great Northern Snugglemarmet...THAT is how damned snuggly the thing is. Doubtless you want me to put on the cardigan and come hug you, but I am sorry, I just do not have the time nor the resources for a N American hugging tour. Maybe in 2008. We shall see...

Speaking of the chunky oversize cardigan...I was reading in Allure (okay... parenthetical aside: I DO NOT buy Allure magazine, my sister does. And it was in her bathroom. Within arm's length of the toilet. Really, I'm very susceptible to reading just about anything whilest enthroned. If it had been a Field & Stream I'd found there, I would be telling you now about Elk Migratory Patterns in Northern Saskatchewan. ) how that is a big trend for Fall. In my expert opinion, I think the chunky oversize cardigan should be classed as one of those timeless classics that are exempt from "trend " status. It is something greater than fashion that moves people to don big cuddly cardigans in the fall...it is human nature. Furthermore, I suspect it is coded in our DNA to want to wear big cuddly cardigans in the fall. Those who do NOT wear big cuddly cardigans in the fall can be divided into 2 categories. Category 1 non-cardiganners are suppressing their innate genetic need to put on a cardigan due to an inordinately slavish subservience to the fashion mores of the season. Category 2 non-cardiganners are not suppressing any compulsion to don a cardigan... because they are cyborgs.
As you may have surmised by now, I am a big fan of the snuggly oversize cardigan. I have bought 2 already this month. Booooyah!!!

Then Sat night a bunch of us went out to dinner and then went to a bar called Shenannigans to catch a band. It was the much hyped reunion of the Davis Bros Garage Band...according to the ubiquitous radio ads for the reunion gig, the Davis Bros "rocked the Upper Valley 20 yrs ago". So yyyeeeah..the band wasn't bad, exactly, I just should've prepared myself for a night of .38 Special and Foreigner covers. Not exactly my cup o' chamomille, let's just say. However, that is not to say I didn't enjoy myself. There's a particular charm to an evening out in a bar full of the older set. You can just relax, no worries about prowling or presentation, chill with your beer and laugh at all the folks on the dance floor with Cosby-esque moves.

And then Sunday was dinner at my sister's. Which seems to be the tradition after we've done it 5 wks in a row now. Very Rockwell of us. And I mean Norman, not Barry Gordy's son who sang that terrific "Somebody's Watchin' Me".

Having a King Friday Friday

I was ruminating this a.m. about Mr Roger's Neighborhood and, in particular, the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. This topic was on my mind in part due to my choice of tee shirt (it's a lt blue tee with a drawing of Mister Rogers on it and it proclaims "It's Good in the Hood"...I tried to find an online pic of this tee to post here, but had no luck. Apparently it is one-of-a-kind Target couture or something). Also, my "Neighborhood" state of mind was due to my comrade Kara's recent (and unwarranted) dis of that show. I am not going to initiate a big debate here, but I will just point out that the Neighborhood of Make Believe is populated by hand puppets...NOT MARIONETTES.
But, a-hem, anyways... moving right along...
I've long thought that X the Owl was curiously named. It always implausibly struck me as a drug reference, as if Fred Rogers was hitting the rave scene(perhaps with his cohort McFeeley) 20 years before there was a rave scene. Yeah, yeah, I know--not very likely. And so the name X the Owl has continued to puzzle me. I may have had a breakthrough this morning though. I now have a viable theory on the matter, one that is at the very least more plausible than Rogers being some kinda innovator in the field of illegal party drugs. I shifted my focus from a study of the owl himself and concentrated more on his relationships with his fellow 'hood of Make Believe inhabitants. He is the most overtly attached to his nearby neighbor Henrietta Pussycat. That's Henrietta PUSSYCAT. The Owl and the Pussycat?? I can't believe I've never made the connection before!!! What if "X" is another way of saying "Ex"?? "Ex" as in "EX-HUSBAND"??? Nowwwww you see where this is going, eh, munchkins?? The crux of my budding hypothesis is that X the Owl and Henrietta Pussycat were once married. But one still wonders-- why are they such good friends (in fact, their pbskids.org online bio confirms that they are indeed friends-- best friends, at that)?? Why none of the bitterness and acrimony that is usually evident in divorcee hand puppets?? Well, there's the other part of my theory for you, the part more intuition-based that I have yet to factually substantiate. (that was a sort of disclaimer) There's something a little, umm, how should I say it...fey about X the Owl. And Henrietta Pussycat is really the feline puppet equivalent of a lonely cat lady (ohhh the irony). She's socially stunted and, to make life even more trying, she has one hell of a speech impediment. In short, she is just the sort of pussycat who, for fear of dying alone under a porch somewhere, would enter in to a SHAM MARRIAGE with a homosexual owl to shield him from the prejudicial malice of more butch owls (think : Woodsy). But in the course of this marriage a deep and profound friendship blossomed until X felt that a sham of a marriage was unfair to Henrietta and insisted on a divorce. And yet, X cares deeply for Henrietta and remains compelled to take care of her. And Henrietta still clings to X , because, as we've already established, she's a social 'tard. This explains their close proximity in their new living arrangements. I've seen these couples on the Tyra show, it is SOOO OBVIOUS that this is the case here. I don't know why they gloss over it in their pbskids.org biographies. The kids are young, okay, but they ain't BLIND!!

Don't get me started on Lady Elaine-- what an ornery drunkard that one is. I had no fear of slander charges whatsoever as I typed that-- it's as clear as the glowy red nose on her face that I speak the truth. As a museum owner/ proprietor I would think she would try to be a more respectable ambassador of the Neighborhood of Make Believe. I know if I was on the board of the N.o.M.B. Chamber of Commerce I would certainly not let Elaine join up ("Lady", my ass). And what kind of museum does she have there anyways---art, history, science?? WHO THE HELL KNOWS?? If I were to guess I'd say it was some kind of anthropological museum... the cultural history of angry alcoholic hand puppets or somethin' like that.

Well, I gotta jet right now or I'll miss the trolley back to reality. Will try to write more later!!!!

Awards show recap

The 2006 Golden Sanny awards were presented last night. Originally the awards show was to be broadcast on local public access cable station CATV8 but it was belatedly discovered that they had 3 hours of test pattern airing that could not be rescheduled. Undeterred by lack of press coverage, the posh gala went on as planned, in my apartment, with yours truly as host and presenter with celebrity co-presenter the guy who played Kevin on Mr Belvedere. Catering graciously provided by Friendly's.

Without further ado, the results ....(all nominees listed, winners in bold print):

BEST EVER FRANKIE VALLI & THE 4SEASONS SONG:

Sherry

Who Loves You?

Can't Take My Eyes Off You

Let's Hang On

BEST PATTERN, 2006:

Houndstooth check

Argyle

Polka Dots

Paisley

BEST PIANIST:

Don Music

Schroeder

Sam (from Casablanca)

Rowlf the dog

BEST SONG TO PROMINENTLY FEATURE BANANA(S)

Hollaback Girl (Gwen Stefani)

The original Chiquita Banana jingle (Miss Chiquita/ Go HERE to listen to

this tune & on this site you may also hear the lameass modern remake)

Yes, We Have No Bananas

Day-O/Banana Boat Song (Harry Belafonte)

BEST PRESIDENT TO NAME A DOGGY AFTER:

Woodrow Wilson

Grover Cleveland

Rutherford B Hayes

Dwight D Eisenhower

GRODIEST POPULAR HALLOWEEN TREAT:

Cheap Franklin brand(I think that's the brand name) chocolate with H'ween themed foil wrappers

Popcorn balls

Candy corn

Eye of newt

BEST CRYPTOZOOLOGICAL BEASTY OF 2006:

Wendigo

Bigfoot

The Cupacabra

The Hodag

BEST SONG FROM GOLDEN ERA OF SESAME STREET:

Who Are the People In your Neighborhood??

Sing

We all Sing With the Same Voice (aka "My Name is You")

Everybody Eats

BEST HAT:

Bowler

Cloche hat

Conical Birthday party hat

Beret

"I swear on my fake balls.."

Yeeeah...best line of last night's Nip/Tuck episode goes to Larry Hagman (Burt). That made me chuckle. I suppose being able to say that would somewhat (but certainly not entirely) make up for having a pair of falsies. Maybe not.
Anyways, it would definitely be creepy having old Burt & his prosthetic kiwis watching you do it. But c'moooon! It's definitely not the kinkiest thing Christian has done. It's Swinging 101 stuff, really. You'll recall at the start of the season, he had a mother & daughter threesome--that has a way higher ewwww rating (I think). But I guess he's finding this so much more reprehensible because he's in loooooove with this Michele chick. Bah. I'm sick of her and sick of how sappy Christian is over her. The sooner she gets busted (& imprisoned) for kidney-napping, the better. She started off her Nip/Tuck stint as a cold bitch, all "I went to med school and I'm a smart one, also I have beaucoup bucks and I will bulldoze you with my wealth and power" but really quickly devolved into a pouty damsel-in-distress type. I would rather see Christian with anyone rather than her...was glad to see him seducing Kimber in the previews for next week's eppy. Actually, I think I'd like to see him hook up with crazy Dr BrookeShields. She's a crafty bitch, that one. And yeah, maybe a smidgeon off kilter in the noggin, but I prefer her over pouty Michele any day.

My cable was all screwy last night, and FX went out for a few moments when Monica got drilled by a vehicle (a bus, wasn't it?) But I did see the part with her hollering in the middle of the road, utterly heedless of traffic, and sensed then that a vehicle was going to mow her loopy ass down any second. Can I call 'em or what?? So that was a mighty convenient turn of events, really. The downside is that it seems to have sent Sean unequivocably around the bend, so to speak. One imaginary pal can be dismissed as mere quirkiness, but two??? Uh-oh. That's one pookah too many and he's officially and totally guano loco. Maybe Matt's Scientology posse can help him out??

Just spotted this news item. Strikes me as oddball. Although I do think if a gal is kept prisoner in a basement for about 9 years, consequent oddball behavior would be entirely understandable. She's a better lass than I, I must say. I imagine if I were in her shoes, I would only want ownership of that house in order to bulldoze the hellhole and I wouldn't give a sweet rat's arse where my captor's mother lived. But maybe not ... after all, I can't definitively say what sort of character I'd be after such an ordeal.

I think I've decided what I'm gonna be for Halloween but I am not prepared to tell. My costume concept requires some arts & crafts wizardry and assembly, and ya see, if I don't pull it off, my discretion at present will make it easier for me to pretend that the idea never was. I may or may not keep y'all posted...

I have a stash of Bazooka Joe candy (a Halloween assortment) at my desk. I'm thinking-- I would not be at all disappointed if they totally discontinued Bazooka Joe comics. They are invariably, without fail, UNFUNNY, "Hey Bazooka Joe, why did Mort throw a clock out the window?" "Because....he wanted to SEE TIME FLY!!!" HARDY FREAKIN' HAR HAR BAZOOKA JOE , THAT ONE'S AS OLD AS G.D. METHUSELAH, DON'T BE SUCH A NIMROD ALL YOUR FICTIONAL LIFE, OK? And yet I always read them, and it's always a big fat letdown.

Oh, how I wish that Big League Chew put out a bag of assorted Halloween treats. Now THAT is some high qual shit , the Big League Chew. It's got incredible flavor longevity, does not congeal into a hardy rubber that strains one's jaw, AND you get complete portion control. I can't say enough good things about Big League Chew. Well, I should stipulate actually-- this praise pertains to the pink, original recipe B.L.C. , as I have not had extensive experience with the more frou-frou gourmet flavors.

Okey dokey artichokeys...I'm fresh out of insight, wit, and nonsensical blathering. Adieu until the morrow...

Wishing you a verdi, verdi happy day!!!

I wanted to post a pic of Guiseppe Verdi in my previous post from today but Blogger was being a fickle bitch and I couldn't get it posted. So, to make amends for the delay and for my text-heavy, image free last post, I shall now put up two Verdi pics. Sooo yeah, some operatic eye candy for you...

I'll bet that made your day.

and WHO shall accompany me to the opera?? (don't everybody volunteer at once!)

Due to the fact that it's Guiseppi Verdi's birthday today, (Happy 193rd, Joe!!) I was lamenting the fact that I've never been to the opera. Robin and I were joking that we should ditch work early to go to the opera. But seriously, I DO think that I would dig that. I like what I've heard of Verdi, and the Flower Duets piece from De Libes "Lakme" opera is beautiful. So judging from that, I'm presuming that I'd like the music. There's just the small matter of not knowing what the hell is going on, plot-wise. But that could be easily remedied. Y'see, Verdi's wikipedia article, not only has his bio, but has synopses for his major operas. So, I would just hafta do my homework beforehand, maybe I would even print out those pages and tote them along to the opera house with me, like makeshift Cliff's notes. So, enjoying the music, and--after some study-- comprehending the story, I'm sure I'd have a grand time. Hey, Viv in Pretty Woman was moved to tears by her very first opera . And she was just a dumb whore. I think that I, not being dumb or whorish, would benefit greatly from the experience. My challenge is to find one of my comrades who is classy enough for the opera and who will not be embarrassed by me nerdily consulting notes (and/or possibly singing along)

Grrrr--my damn phone is ringing!!! Do these bastards not know I have lunch from 1-2pm?? I neeeeeed this hour to myself. If it weren't for my lunch hour, I'd be apt to perpetrate mass bludgeonings with my mighty Swingline. Um, a-hem..I should rephrase. Let me say instead that: I find that my daily 60 minute reprieve from work is instrumental to retaining my threadbare sanity. (I need to let some of my suppressed gentility shine through if I want anybody to hit the opera avec moi)

You know what is rad? This CD. It's not great for classical musical afficionados, but if you're just a dabbler (like me) it's pretty handy. I mean, it's good for when you know in general you like the genre, but need to delve more into it to ascertain what specific styles & composers you dig.

Really not much to report in mi vida not-so-loca as of late. Unless I am otherwise inspired, I think I will write about Orff's Carmina Burana in tomorrow's post....

MMmmm mmm meatloaf, milk, Monday

That's right, it's Monday, I'm munching a lunchie of meatloaf and milk and looking MAAAARVELOUS. And I'm listening to Verdi. Which doesn't really jive with my MMmmmotif but let's just be nonspecific and call it music. 'Kay...that works.

It's unusual for me to have a milk as my midday beverage, but I was spooked by some news item I saw on the 'net today about cola having ravaging effects on the bones. Now I dig cola too much to kick it completely, but this has made me consider cutting down. I am hereby resolving to drink more milk and beer. Probably I should drink more water--I don't mind drinking H2O, but my gripe with that is that I REALLY prefer Perrier or some bubbly kinda water and for some reason, bubbly water is not really peddled to the masses like flat bottled water is. What I mean is, you can buy flat water in pretty much any packaging you like -- 20 oz bottles, mini bottles, big milk jugs...whatever. But Perrier & the like-- your only option is really a liter bottle. NOT handy. I can't believe I would be the only one vexed by this...am I??

So here's my weekend in an idiomatic nutshell--
Saturday: Went to calling hours and funeral ( a friend's father died on Wed) afterward I went out for Chinese in Claremont (and I gotta give C-mont credit...they've got a lot more goin' on downtown than I'd realized. Makes me think maybe I've been missing out by just hitting Washington St when I visit) If you ever find yourself in Claremont NH (by some kooky happenstance) and you pop into CHINA DELIGHT for a meal, I strongly advise you: DO NOT GET THE GENERAL TSO'S CHICKEN. It was foul (haaaha ha. I'm pretty punny) I consider myself a bit of a General Tso's (in all its various names: General Tsau, General Gau, however you opt to spell the good General's name) afficionado. And this was unequivocably the worst I've ever had. One of my fellow diners had the same thing and she said the offense was an excess of soy sauce, but I thought it had a strangely sour taste to it (not salty like I associate with soy sauce) like as if they used VINEGAR. Anyhow, it was some naaaaasty stuff. But I can't give China Delight a flat-out bad review, because their boneliss spareribs were stellar. So, in short-- worth a visit, but steer clear of the General!!
Sunday: Went to Harpoon brewery's Octoberfest with Roxanne. Spent too much money on Octoberfest paraphenalia but I'm more or less unremorseful. I'm rather in love with my big beer mug and very in love with my Octoberfest tee-shirt (which I'm currently sporting today...one of the best perks of an absentee boss is wearing whatever the hell my mood dictates) I resolved once upon a time that I wanted to amass tee shirts from places and/or events I've been to. I mean a T-shirt from Harpoon's Octoberfest is really more worthwhile than some trashy tee that says "Vixen" in rhinestones or some such bullshit. It means something, it has fond memories attached to it for me and to others it communicates something substantial. I have been to Octoberfest. I like to drink beer. But it conveys something about me in a much more evocative & subtle way than say, a tee shirt that says "LUSH" on it with rhinestones. I suppose,at some level, I have posterity on the brain and some subconcious wish to create a legacy of cotton tees.

Well, I'll ramble more later. Gotta jet to meet Laura & Seth for dinner @ Friendly's....

Ciao babies!!

it's Humpty-Hump day!!

A'right stop whatcha doin' cause I'm about to ruin...tha image and the style that ya used to...


Since I had the damnedest time trying to get my link in my Tues post to go to my Lush wish list (it links to the site, but won't link to my wish list) and I still don't think I got it right, I am going to lace this post with pics of all the product you'd have seen, had you been able to access my wish list via my helpful (but malfunctioning) link from yesterday.

In the ladies room here at work they just installed a new mirror. We had a perfectly operational mirror in there already, I dunno what the f. is up with that... Now the mirror we've had in the lav, it was a shoulders and up view, ideal for hair touch-ups and checking to see if you've got crud stuck in your teeth...and it was FINE. But now, additionally, we have a FRIGGIN' HUGE mirror that looks like it was ripped off from a dance studio. Who the hell asked for that??? Now I can catch glimpses of myself as I emerge from the stall (a bit weary, haggard, but with pants fitting a smidge looser) in total full-length splendor. Oh goody! Note to management: I have already decided on my outfit du jour. I did that before I got here today. Now, making me second guess myself is only going to impact my productivity in a NEGATIVE way.

I have started to read the novel "The Prestige" and hope to have it finished by the time I see the movie. It's not quite "grabbed me" yet, but I'm really not very far into it.

This Rice Krispies treat I'm currently ingesting has on its packaging this big jubilant font proclaiming: "1.7 OUNCES!!" Well, yowza! That's nearly 2 whole ounces! I'm surprised I didn't need a damned forklift to get it from the vending machine to my cubicle!! I suppose it woulda killed 'em to throw in that extra 0.3 of an ounce. The store bought ones are never quite as good as homemade, I feel. It makes me wonder, just how do they manage to fuck up a rice krispie treat? Seems pert near impossible to do. Maybe they add some kind of not so yummy chemical perservative that gives the treat a shelf life of a decade.

yard sales and birthdays

Here's a gimmick for a yard sale....advertise and then show up. Just put your ad in the paper: "Sat Oct 7, yard sale at 1313 Mockingbird Lane starting at 9am" or whatever. And then open up your garage and plunk your ass down in a lawn chair at 8:58am on the chosen day. All the pain in the ass stuff that makes having a yard sale such a bother? The sorting, the organizing, the pricing, the putting out of things on display tables?? Fuck it!! Don't do it!! Let the yard sale vultures do the grunt work for you!! You could just post a sign proclaiming: "Bienvenidos, motherf****ers!! Pick through my junk. Make me an offer." Gosh...I wonder if that would work??? The success of this scheme relies on one thing (and it's not the quality of your junk, as any type of yard sale, depends on that for its success) --the rabidness of your patrons. I bet if you lucked out and had some true yard sale ADDICTS swing by your casa, then they just might be down for it. Also, might there not be an added voyeuristic thrill to such a yard sale?? Now, if I was ever out cruising yard sales and hit upon one like that...well I wouldn't stay longer than 5 min tops. But then again, I'm no die-hard yard saler. I'm more of a yard sale dabbler, really.
Usually it's spring or summer when a young gal's fancy turns to yard sales. However, I was tasked tonight with sorting through crap I had stored in my parents' garage. That is what moved me to ponder such topics. I hate, HATE , HATE going through my old junk. So that's the sort of fantasy that sprang to mind-- rabid yard saleing scavengers arriving unexpectedly and spiriting all that stuff away. Another dream scenario-- dumping everything into a ginormo bonfire. But I don't know that that's quite legal. And in VT nowadays, well, your neighbor is quite apt to narc on you to the local po-po if you so much as burn a handful of newspaper in your backyard. Not only do I hate the manual labor part of sorting out my old stuff, but I also hate that it FORCES one to dwell on the past...the fleeting nature of time...all that deep stuff. Oy. It's like doing an archealogical dig to study yourself. I hate it!! Ok, and as if the chore was not horrid enough my Dad brings up this GINORMOUS tub of old clothes from the basement that he just presumes are all mine (some of them were). My job was already daunting enough with just the garage stuff to dig thru...now he was adding more from the basement??? Well I looked in the tub and said "Well, I can tell you that only some of that old clothing is mine, but I am NOT going to sort through it.. I don't want ANY of it. Anything of mine in there you can toss into the rag pile or bring to the thrift shop" 'Cause I could see at first glance that the most current thing in that box was from 1990 (at the very latest). So as I'm digging through my garage boxes I have to listen to my Dad sort through this tub of clothes. I am one who can sort in silence...for my father that is utterly impossible. He picks up everything, unfolds, and holds it up "What's this? What's this?" like he can't manage basic garment identification without everybody else's input. And then there's the running commentary-- "There must be a hundred dollars worth of sweaters in here!!" "Body Glove--oh this is a nice one--I bet Laura'd might like to keep this" (this is said sincerely. No hint of sarcasm, like you mighta expected) "Varnet Paris...I bet Laura got this when she went to France." (again, this is said in all seriousness). His obvious fave was the oft repeated "Probably worn once!!" or "Bet this was worn once and then thrown out". I was mightily vexed, but I was able to keep it suppressed.

So at the same time that I've got this growing weariness with my accumulated possessions I somehow have this contrary record spinning in the jukebox of my brain. And insanely enough, the name of this record is "STUFF I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY" Sheeeesh...as if I need more stuff. I got stuff coming out the hooooHA. But I enjoy b-day gifts. And as I've pointed out before, I'm not going to enjoy birthdays (nor birthday related spoils) for too much longer. So here's the website of LUSH...a company I discovered while on vaca in Canada. They have a shop in the Byward Market region of Ottawa. Very rad stuff. I bought a lip balm which I'm not overly crazy about but I bought Karma fragrance dusting powder, which is nice, and this solid shampoo puck that I love, LOVE, LOVE!! The link, by the way, goes right to my wish list (happy shopping, amigos!)!!!

Laugh already, you big dummy!!

I happened upon that quote (at left) this a.m. in my online meanderings. Not brief enough to be catchphrasey, but I do like it. It upped ol' Shakey's stock for me...y'know in that make-believe stock exchange in my head. Although, he was already a hot stock anyway ...it's a Bard's market. Ouch, I am ill-equipped to do Stock Market humor. HOWEVER, if I am to subscribe to this sentiment here at left, it is absolutely irrelevant how lame-ass my Shakespeare stock joke was...it's solely your fault if you remained unamused. Honestly, I am not so absolute in my take on it...I think it's apt to be either-- sometimes it's a faulty joke, sometimes a dim audience. But it probably was a big help to Shakespeare to have such a haughty attitude about it. That's how he could be such a prolific playwright...he could just crank out the work with minimal fretting over whether or not his audience will "get it". If they don't get it...it's their fault for being stupid. Sweeeet.
You know when you've tried to be cute/witty/hi-freakin-larious and are met with dead silence (the beneficiary of your humor, that ingrate bastard, does not even have the social grace to fake amusement) and then you feel like an ass? Maybe next time I have one of those moments (and they are not infrequent por moi, I'm afraid) I will try--if I remember to-- to quote this snippet o' Shakespeare, adapting the persona of the biggest intellectual snob ever.

My boss is out today. It seems she broke her ankle in 2 places in a fall from a chair. I prefer to think that she was hangingup some kind of Halloween garland at the time. It could be that she was standing on a chair in the course of some drunken revelling, I don't know for sure that that wasn't the case. But that 2nd scenario makes me snigger and how callous of me to snigger at someone with a smashed-up ankle?? I don't want to be a callous meanie of a person. So, until the official report is released, we're going with the assumption that Mags had a nasty holiday decorating accident.

Truly, I can't snigger (or snicker, if you prefer) ...if it was just a broken ankle, yeah, I possibly could, but I guess she bonked her head too. And that stuff is scary. Unless you have the amazing luck of Doc Brown and conceive of something amazing like a FLUX CAPACITOR by bonking your head on the edge of the bathtub. Welllll, that would probably still be pretty scary while in the moment, but y'know, down the road, after you've converted a DeLorean into a WORKING TIME MACHINE, you're probably thinking "Gee whiz, I guess that bonk on the noggin wasn't all that bad". I wonder if Maggie came up with any decent inventions as a result of her Halloween decorating mishap. ....Shit, that was bad of me...not sniggering, exactly, but I'm being glib. Head injuries do really freak me out. I suppose jokingly alluding to 80s movies is a way of seeking solace for me. Really, I am not a cold-hearted bitch---honest!!

Justice prevails

So I've been saying repeatedly that Alfonso Ribiero was the most spectacularly talented thang on the Celebrity Duets stage. Well, not sure that I said that verbatim, but that has been the gist of 4weeks of Celebrity Duets related blog blathering. And even though I knew he was the most deserving contestant, I was unsure whether he'd win or not. Even when he made it to the final 3, I was unsure. Because he was up against Lucy Lawless who has a fan base primarily comprised of sci-fi nerds and that is a particularly rabid sort of fan. And Hal Sparks has been promoting himself for a couple weeks as like a "dark horse candidate"...and that's lame, because if you're a true dark horse, or underdog, you just ARE and you can't be all aware of it and exploiting it. But my faith in justice is partially, somewhat, and in a small way restored because the right man won.
Yaaaaay! BIG hooray for Alfonso!!!

They had a lot of time to fill in the final episode, what with only 3 performers left, and consequently they wound up with scenarios like Wayne Brady singing with Boys II Men (as if that had anything to do with anything) and then all the Celeb Duets contestants singing a medley of David Foster songs (with Foster on piano). Imagine my chagrin when I discovered that Foster penned one of my all time favorite Chicago songs ("Hard to Say I'm Sorry"). Ah hell, I guess he can't be all that bad...
As for the Boys II Men performance...they went from "I'll Make Love to You" to "End of the Road" and I barely even noticed they changed songs. That is not a good thing, I don't think. I wish they woulda thrown a little "Motown Philly" in there, but they had Brady as guest singer and, great virtuoso though he is, I doubt he'd be able to keep up with those def jams, yo.

I'm not usually one to be blindsided by "shocking twist endings" that TV shows manufacture for the end of their seasons. I've got like, a BLACK BELT in boob tubery, so I generally see these things coming. That said, I've gotsta give the Project Runway folks mad props. They achieved the generally unachievable and surprised me with a late season plot twist. To have 4 people show @ Olympus, yeah that is unprecedented, but to have a challenge with NO ELIMINATIONS?? Now that is what really knocked me on my ass!! I mean, this show has always been mad-preoccupied with conveying the utter ruthlessness of the fashion world. Exhibit A-- They've got Heidi Klum saying 9000 freeeakin' times per season "In fashion, one day you're in, and the next you're OUT" Exhibit B-- They keep bringing back that bitch-on-wheels Nina Garcia along with Master-of-the-Catty-Snark Michael Kors (anyone else think he looks approximately the same age as his mom? I know, I know, that's going back quite a few eppys..sorry) Anyways this past episode everyone was as bitchy and hypercritical as usual, but when they had the bottom two on the stage--Jeffrey & Michael-- they suddenly ambush with these (gasp!!) smiles and (holy shit) HAPPY ENDINGS!!! Which was great, really, because I didn't want to see Michael sent packing although, woooah--he shoulda been. His slutty dress was a Tara Reid incident waiting to happen. And it pains me to say this but....I REALLY liked Jeffrey's dress.

I've been on a hell of a classical music kick as of late. This is what I've been listening to at work. My favorites on the CD are-- Disc One: trk 2,trk3,trk8 & trk 18 Disc Two: trk1, trk2,trk3,trk4, trk10,trk12,trk17, & trk19.
I wish I could share the music with ya on here, but probably the FBI Music Piracy Squad would hunt me down. I used to use Kaaza too, so that means I'm apt to be on their "People to Watch" list, right?? Anyways, I'm finding myself particularly fond of Verdi's "Anvil Chorus" & Satie's "Gymnopedie #3" which is really lovely.

Half-pint, we hardly knew ye!!!

Has Nip/Tuck won any Emmys?? I know that some of its cohorts on the much-acclaimed FX network have... but I believe Nip/Tuck has thus far been snubbed. WELL, I think Julian McMahon should get an Emmy solely for being able to deliver a line like "And how did your nipple get into a dogfight?" without breaking out in hysterics. Granted, Nip/Tuck is not taped live, so possibly it took him multiple takes, but ultimately he pulled it off. I don't know if I could've ever said that with a straight face....and to have to say it to LAURA INGALLS WILDER, no less!! Wow. And then when the sick chick was revealed as a ...uggggh...dog violator, Julian's eyebrows did some stellar acting. Shot up like rockets, they did.

As for Melissa Gilbert's cameo...maaaan. That's sure gutsy... I guess? Is that going to be filed under the "triumphant return to TV" heading?? I dunno. For sure she wanted to breakaway from her squeaky clean image -- her "Little House" years & countless stints as the heroine of various Hallmark channel movies. But she broke so far, far, faaar away. Let's hope for her sake she's not now typecast...y'know, the go-to actress whenever H'wood has the role of "Bestiality Perv" to cast. Again..ewwwwwwwww.

So is Peter Dinklage's character (can't recall the nurse's name) being paid to be a murallist?? Ok, well I do like the mural...it's very Rousseau-esque. I'm just wondering what this nurse is doing with the baby, if anything. I just don't get what his job is (aside from being a muralist and resident sage). He's hired to be a night nurse if I recollect correctly. Does he just watch over the baby...guard him from the boogey man, make sure the mobile doesn't fall on his head in the middle of the night?? I don't get the point of it, but maybe that could be attributed to my lower middle class background, my not being accustomed to households that had hired staff. The guy seems to know he hasn't got much to do really, and is trying to compensate to really earn his paycheck. That's why all the mural painting and wisdom dispensing. I just wish the rest of that nursery matched his excellent mural. The rest of the nursery is very blah....a totally trite cliche of nursery decor. Oh, and the name CONNOR looks dumb with only one "n", people...

I could only get through a third of the roast beef sammi I got outta the vending machine for lunch. What on earth made me think that a roast beef sandwich I got out of a vending machine would be acceptable?? Such folly!! I do like roast beef, but I am exceptionally particular about roast beef. More so than I am with any other lunch meat. I never like it when it's too red. I realize how grody it sounds to say I like grey meat, but that is the case. The label I got on this sandwich described it as "Olde Neighborhood Roast Beef". Unless "Olde Neighborhood" is a brand name I have no clue what that's supposed to mean. What do these people know about my old neighborhood OR the kinds of lunchmeat available there?? How awfully presumptuous!!! The only place where I can consistently rely on a tasty roast beef sammich is when I get it at Panera's.

Also in our cafeteria vending machine, they had Mortadella sandwiches. What the hell is that?? Well come to find out (after hitting my online dictionary of choice) it's just fancy Italian bologna. But I really oughtta compose a memo to the folks at Alan's Vending (post my manifesto on a vending machine like a latter day Martin Luther) and inform them that if you have to look something up online to find out what the hell it is, it's probably not gonna sell well. Also, I want them to make pumpkin bread. They make pretty yummy pumpkin bread and 'tis the season for that kind of fare...

Artsy Fartsy time

The other day I was wandering aimlessly on the 'net, trying to find a picture of particularly powerful pulchritude (ha) to adorn my computer desktop. I kinda ran out of time and settled on the picture you see here at left...

Go here to see the high-def. GINORMOUS version that I put on my desktop.

As I'd said, I kinda ran out of time to find something and just settled for this one. Which is not to say that I don't like it, it's just not what I was looking for exactly. But y'know....the more I stare at it, the more it intrigues me. Methinks I shall let it remain on my desktop for a spell. It's by Georges de la Tour, a French Baroque era painter who lived 1593-1652. I'm generally not that into pre-nineteenth century stuff. I'm really a sucker for the whole Pre-Raphealite asthetic--Waterhouse and all that crew. I think pre-1700 and I imagine ancient SCARY art...something along the lines of like Hieronymous Bosch (yyyyikes!!) But even though the subject in this work are wearing obviously 17th century attire--- the crazy epaulets and boobie-smashing bodices--- there's something about his painting style that strikes me as modern. I dunno, I dunno, I clearly do not know what the hell I'm talking about. I started to read an essay on de la Tour where the writer opened by comparing him to Vermeer, and I kinda see the similarity.

Here is what is intriguing me (thus securing this piece's place on my desktop for the time being)
It's called "The Card Sharp" this piece, and pretty obviously de la Tour is referring to the player in the left side
foreground. He maybe "sharp" but he's not exceedingly slick. Even the serving wench can tell he's cheating. Another thing I noticed about this strangely contorted cheater--you have to look at the blown-up high res image to catch this though--the guy looks exactly like Rob Lowe. Eerie. It might be that Rob's great-great-great-great-great-great-great (how many greats do I need to do to get back to the early to mid 1600s??) great great grampa looked EXACTLY like him, but I highly doubt that. I suspect, rather, that I've hit upon one of the greatest uncovered celeb secret of our time. ROB LOWE IS A VAMPIRE!!

It's also possible that the serving wench (are those anchors on her blouse??) is not on to Rob Lowe's disingenous sporting maneuver.... her and the bosslady could be exchanging looks about the card player at far right who may well be an adolescent girl in drag. She like, read it in Twelfth Night, and thought that just anyone could go incognito as a man in real life but she's not fooling anybody, although nobody's letting her know that they ain't fooled. I mean look at that look...the serving wench gives the bosslady a look of "What the hell is THAT all about???" and bosslady's clearly shooting back an "I KNOW!!!!!"

Ok so, I'm no Sister Wendy, but that's my take on "The Card Sharp". And that concludes the cultural portion of my blog......FOR TODAY. Be forewarned...I aim to show my readership (all 4 or 5 of youse) that I am not only a couch-tater...I can do multi-faceted. Or try to.

Oh, and as for the Wizard of Oz trivia... in the book, Dorothy's kicks were silver. Apparently when they shot the 1939 movie, they found that on film, silver didn't look so hot against the Yellow Brick Rd so they altered the hue de shoe.

trivia du jour

Today's nugget from my trivia desk calendar....

brief notes...

I was just rereading stuff I've posted here and it occurs to me I have a BIG problem with over-italicizing.

Help!!

In traffic last night, the SUV in front of me had a bumper sticker that proclaimed "I love my cockapoo!!" I thought, how pathetic that is if they are an actual cockapoo owner, and yet.... that is AWESOME if they aren't.

I'm not one of those people whose blood pressure escalates in traffic and I don't get a vein protruding in my forehead or anything like that. Though I am always irked a bit by the certainty that, when my ass is jutting precariously into the intersection, there IS someone ahead of me in this queue of cars that could stand to scooch up a bit. I mean, I can't see this person but I just know they're up there. They've alotted themselves a good 5 or 6 feet (for safety's sake!!) between their front bumper and the car ahead of them. But GAWD! Can't you look at the 3000 cars in your rear view and surmise that a wee bit of scooching might be in order?? We're not going 50mph, you old hen, I assure you there will NOT be a pile up.

Incidentally, I was behind the cockapoo lover on my way back from Best Buy (I hadn't been in a looong time...yaaay for me and my scrap of self restraint!!) where I'd picked up Panic! at the Disco's CD. I thoroughly dig it & heartily recommend. I feel a little dirty thinking that the lead singer's a bit of a fox, as I'm not sure the bloke's even hit 20.

I wanna to go see this movie. I haven't been so eager to catch a flick in the theater since "V for Vendetta" was released. Funny story about that, I was going to see "V for Vendetta" in the theater actually and then got conned into seeing the cinematic poopheap that was "Failure to Launch". Oh, wait that's not a funny story that's a TRAVESTY. Or a TRAGEDY if you prefer (I tend not to use the word "tragedy" for tragic situations because it invariably compells me to wanna sing the Bee Gee's "Tragedy" thus sapping the tragic tone out of the thing. So, in due deference to things tragic, I avoid that word)

Oh, and I am NOT going to reveal the name of my new must-see flick here. I want you to go to IMDB and fall in love with it for yourself. And then you will want to go to the movies to see it with me. And hey-- when we go, I will NOT be coerced into opting for a romantic comedy instead. Nooooo. I will submerge your head in the concession stand popcorn and hold it down until you stop thrashing before I let that happen!!

Wow, holy shit, I actually scare myself sometimes...

Thursday night TV (in excruciating detail)

I've been wondering how they were going to still fill an hour time slot on Celebrity Duets. Yeeees, I'm on that subject.... I mighta considered changing the name of my blog to "Celebrity Duets Yammering" or something of that nature, but because this blog will outlive the series, "Random Yammerings" it remains. Anyways, the show has an hour time slot and started with 8 people, now it was down to 5 but still had the same amount of time to fill. I thought maybe they'd let Little Richard ramble on nonsensically for an extra minute per contestant, or lengthen the commercials, or just have Wayne Brady cram the excess minutes with improv-y goodness. Well I never figured it out because I taped the show, both nights this week, watched it with my Fast Forward finger at the ready, skipping all commercials and stupid filler.

I spared y'all a recap last week but I can hold back no longer. Let's see what exactly went down this week, both on the Thursday night voting show and the Friday night result show....

*Jai Rodriguez/Patti LaBelle--- they sang Lady Marmalade on Thurs night (of all the overrated songs!!) and Jai sounded just like a woman. Like, if I had not seen it on TV --if I'd caught the song on the radio instead-- I wouldn't have believed it was a man singing until I had some visual proof. Just like back in the 80s with that song "We Don't Have to Take our Clothes Off" by Jermaine Stewart (I couldn't remember that dude's last name and had to look him up here where there's this super brief bio that's cut off with a mysterious "HE DIED IN 1997" Yikes... made me feel bad about mentioning him just so's I could criticize his femme vocals) Oh, and Nick Gilder's "Hot Child in the City" is another example of extraordinarily lady-ish male singing (I don't wanna single poor dead Jermaine out, y'know) And the slow parts of "Lovin', Touchin',Squeezin'"...but then you get to the chorus and there's no mistaking it's a Journey song. But I digress. The audience gave Lady Marmalade a standing ovation, they just loved it. I think it was probably an audience full of Naughty McSmutmuffins and they'd go
ga-ga for any song about whoring.
Friday night this duo sang a song I liked--Somewhere Over the Rainbow--but more or less wrecked it. They both kept trying to one-up each other with these over-the-top vocal acrobatics. Then Patti inserted Jai's name into the song not once but twice...and the overall effect was the cheapening of a total classic. Speaking of cheapening...Ms. Patti was wearing shoes & wig that were about 20yrs too young for her. Her gams did look pretty terrific though, I'll give her that...
*Lucy Lawless/Richard Marx-- I was genuinely astonished by this performance...I really didn't think that Richard Marx could suck any more than I already thought he did. But seeing him sing live...wow, was I wrong!!! They sang Right Here Waiting (Thurs) and Shoulda Known Better (Fri). Richard Marx looks only slightly less decrepit than Kenny Loggins. Lucy is singing quite well, but starting to really hooch it up. I wonder if this vampiness is her own (her own sexual lawlessness ha, ha, ha, but honestly though, is that a REAL last name??) or if the producers maybe said something like "Honey. You're the lone woman on the show...don't make us rely on Jai for the feminine wiles!!"
*Hal Sparks/Dee Snider--- On Thurs night they sang together on We’re Not Gonna Take It Anymore and they tore it up!! Such an atypical sort of song for this show, but I LOVED it! Hal did do a bit more yelling than singing, but hey--he was simultaneously playing the guitar too, and I don't see any other contestant bringing that to the table (no, not even ALFONSO!!) Besides, that type of rock is more about power and intensity than being pitch-perfect. And speaking of musical genres...Little Richard actually calls himself "the architect of rock & roll" He didn't come up with that phrase on his own and is quoting what somebody else said about him, but still!! He talks frequently like he singlehandedly created rock & roll. Well, he should keep in mind the old saying "Pride goeth before a fall" Old people like him have brittle hip bones so it would rather behoove him to avoid falling. But back to Hal & Dee...their Thurs night song was not-so-subtly aimed at David Foster who has been consistently critical of Hal and sort of harsh to him on last week's show. In fact, he's the same sort of square and killjoy as that guy at the beginning of the We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore video. I'll bet your average Celebrity Duets viewer didn't make that connection. But anyways, Foster didn't like being picked on, so when they got around to judging, he didn't so much judge the performance, but rather used his talk time to again surreptitiously mention what a ginormous success he is. He said to Hal "I want to get you in MY studio, and I know we could get you singing even better than you ever thought you could!!" or some stupid shit like that. Sheeeesh. I wonder if the show would just let him bring in a Grammy or two and plonk them on the desk in front of him and then he could shut up about what a big shot he is.
I couldn't think of what this pair would sing on Fri night (since I couldn't think of another Twisted Sister hit) but they sang I Wanna Rock. Mission accomplished. I noted that Hal had a different guitar this time.. a very cool one. It was all black, but textured...very zig-zaggy. It's hard to aptly describe it...looks like an axe the Wyld Stallions might weild when they rule the world in 2025. Oh, and the camera got some audience shots this episode of a woman who was identified in subtitles as Samantha somebodyorother-- Hal's girlfriend. Seems now that there's a very good likelihood that Sparks is hetero....consider my doubts vanquished.
*Cheech Marin/Al Jarreau -- they sang some song called Mornin' which David Foster wrote, and I hated. Who is Al Jarreau--is he a big deal? 'Cause they all were acting like he was. The only thing I know him for is singing the Moonlighting theme song. But y'know ,I'm not even 100% sure that he did. Whether he did or he didn't, that IS what I know him for. I heard Al Jarreau and instantly thought "Ah! Moonlighting theme song." But I couldn't think of a single note or lyric of said theme song, so if Al did perform it, it's a pretty weak claim to fame, I'd say. Cheech and Al looked like two old dudes who meet in the park to play checkers (and totally dressed the part). Now "Mornin' " was so bland that I had to fast forward thru a chunk of it, but their second song was transfixing. Oddly transfixing, not enjoyable transfixing. The audience was clapping along in time but they all looked pretty confused. I guess it was all "scatting". I don't know that the song had any non-gibberish lyrics. As far as I can tell, the title of the song was something like "Zip Zop Zippedy Doing". I dunno. I suppose a real jazz afficionado would contend that I just don't "get it." Maybe so. To my untrained ear, it sounded like 2 parts Gerald McBoing Boing and 1 part hyper Cosby.
*Alfonso Ribeiro/Chaka Khan -- First they sang Through The Fire which was also written by David Foster. I confess-- I like that song. It's the one that Kanye West sampled in his breakthrough single Through the Wire . My boy Kanye don't sample no crap, homes... Oh, and Wayne DID mention Alfonso's birthday on Thursday. So all is right with the world and Wayne Brady retains his place on my celebrity Christmas card list. Hell, I may even slip some McDonald's coupons in the card this year.
I was speculating as to what song 'Fonso & Chaka would do on Fri night. I was actually hoping it would be I Feel for You , because I wanted to hear Alfonso take on the opening of that song, which has always amused me immensely. I don't think it's intended to be funny, but it just cracks my shit up!! Right at the beginning, where that guy sounds genuinely bewildered : "Ch-ch-chaka Khan? Ch-chaka Khan?" and then he breaks out in the rapid-fire: "ChakaKhan, lemmerockyoulemmerockyou ChakaKhan, lemmerockyoutha'sallIwannado.." That's hard to sing along with in my car, I bet it would be WICKED hard to perform live on national TV (even for the great Alfonso). But no dice. On Friday night they sang Ain't Nobody. And killed it. I have to admit though, I don't mind 'Fonso dancing, but I didn't like him breaking out his wacko Jacko moves like he did Friday night. The worst was this hopping faux crotch grab move that he did. There was no actual hand-to-crotch contact, but it was still not G-rated. I think, somewhere under her copious mane of hair, Chaka Khan was blushing.

So at the end of the big results show TWO people were sent home. First axed was Cheech, and the guy took it very, very graciously. But who knows, could be that he and Al got sooo happy on "scat-juice" that nothing woulda killed his buzz. After Cheech bit the dust, they dismissed.....JAI!!! Talk about yer pleasant surprises--I really thought he was gonna make it to the finals! I was really stoked-- I think I may have done the same big gaping mouth and fist shaking thing that Herman Munster does when he's excited. I'm pretty sure nobody knows wtf I'm talking about, but suffice it to say that is the very height of excitement-induced dorkiness. And Jai was all smiles but methinks his eyes looked rather glisteny. And that made me way gladder. Is that malicious of me??

About my taping the show-- I thought that the "My Name Is Earl" & "The Office" season premieres were going to air during the Celeb Duets time slot-from 9-10. But unfortunately for me, NBC has BABBOONS scheduling their programming. So I plunk down in front of the telly at about 8:50pm and see the tail end of "The Office". I was pretty miffed, to say the least.Why on earth wouldn't they run the non-offensive (but heartily boring) "Deal or No Deal" from 8-9? C'mon!! Air it when all the lame-os that like that show are able to stay awake and watch!! I don't have to have ever in my life watched "Deal or No Deal" (and I never have) to know unquestionably that it is a tremendous waste of pixels and electricity. If I grasp the premise correctly, it's bimbos with briefcases and Howie Mandel repeating and re-repeating "DEAL....OR NO DEAL" in any number of theatrical styles. For the love of Benji, it's a game show with ONE damn question!! Grrrr.
Anyways, I flipped around the channels and taped Celeb Duets anyways (so that I would have fabulous Fast Forwarding powers when I did watch it). I actually watched a lot of the Grey's Anatomy season premier. It's not like me to glom onto a show if I haven't been with it right since the pilot, but I'd caught last season's finale and it kinda drew me in. But lemme make clear, it was the subplots that intrigued me (Izzie's in particular). I know the central storyline that's supposed to have enthralled me is this love triangle between little Meredith Grey and Chris O'Donnell and McDreamy. I don't give a rat's arse though really. Ideally she would throw them both over for a McMuffin...or a Big Mac if it's after 11am...whatever , just eat something. No, nooo, I'm just being catty. I don't have any problems with waifs in general. I always liked Ally McBeal and she was the ORIGINAL TV waif. But see, she was a quirky waif, goofy and funny with a side of angst. But this Meredith character is all angsty, and full of humorless exasperation and I no likey. Is it hasty for me to rule on that after watching only 2 full episodes? Maybe--but I don't care and I don't care that she's the narrator and the show's title is a pun on her name, I think they should just cut her outta the show entirely, that's what I think.

Tonight, on a very special Celebrity Duets....

It had DAMN WELL better be a special Celebrity Duets tonight. For Sept 21st is the birthday of one Mr. ALFONSO RIBIERO. I believe the show is taped live, and if there is nary a mention of mah boy's b-day, then I will be mightily outraged. Also I will be sad for poor 'Fonso and probably slip an extra $10 into the b-day card I am mailing him. He turns 35 today...yippy skippy.

In other cool celebrity birthdays, Dave Coulier was also born on Sept 21. CUT. IT. OUT!!! No, for real, he was. Happy 47th Uncle Joey!!! Oh snap, I went there... I didn't wanna bring up that barfbag of a sitcom. As much as I DETEST Full House, I have a lingering affection for some of the cast members (Good: Jodie Sweetin, Dave C, Bob Saget, chick that played Kimmy Gibbler/ Bad: Candace Cameron Bure, Olsen twins ...the rest I'm pretty indifferent to) But mainly I like Dave for most likely creating --and definitely popularizing-- the "Cut. It. Out!!" hand gesture. Also I always have a soft spot for the obligatory lone bastion of sanity on the Surreal Life, and he fulfilled that role on the 3rd season. Oh, and he deflowered Alanis Morrisette . I have always found that to be a fascinating scrap of star trivia.

MY BIRTHDAY is rapidly approaching-- that's Oct 31st, y'all (cards & gifts quite welcome!). I had another possible Halloween costume notion to add to my list. To refresh your memory, here again is the list thus far-
1.Pirate
2.Gypsy
3.Zombie
4. Beatnik (new!!)

Here's why I think #4 is the best on the list. .... firstly I think "pirate" will be a super popular choice this
H-ween. Gawsh, not sure why....possibly something to do w/ a li'l Johnny Depp movie released this summer. Anyways I don't wanna copy every other scurvy landlubber out there, so I'm pretty sure that means ix-nay on the irate-pay. As for #2... well how much different is that from #1?? Dress up like a gypsy,throw on an eye patch and ....voila!!! you're a girl pirate!!! And zombie is kind of a perennial Halloween fave. Plus, I wouldn't want to be just any zombie...I don't wanna be a Night of the Living Dead type zombie....I SPECIFICALLY wanna be a zombie from the Thriller video. And I can't properly do that without learning the patented Thriller Zombie Line Dance. And I think I'd need more than a month to get that choreography down. So SCREW that, eh?
I don't think lots of people dress up as Beatniks anymore. The downside of that is... I'm not sure that too many people even know what a Beatnik is anymore. But y'know, I run with a pretty smart crowd, and I'm sure they'd all get it, and I know, more or less, what a beatnik is. Of course, I would definitely do extensive research into the Beat movement if I did opt for that costume choice. Soooo a Beatnik costume...that would consist of black top, black leggings, black ballet flats and I'd best add a black beret lest anyone suppose I was just dressing up as a cat burglar.(Speaking of cat burglers and cat burgling...is that a real-life type of criminal/crime. I suspect that's purely cinematic jargon. I can't recall anybody ever being convicted of cat burglary) Also some good accessories would be a cigarette holder w/ faux ciggie (didn't beatniks use those ? Or is that too glam??) and a dog-eared copy of Howl. Maybe bongos too. If the Bob Denver's beatnik portrayal on The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis is an accurate one, then maybe I should tote around bongos too (and grow out my goatee!!).

it's not easy eating green

There seemed to be a green motif to my lunchtime vittles today. I bought an Amy's Organic bowl to nuke (5min cook time!! Pretty redunkulous, no? I mean, 5 minutes is an eternity in microwave cooking time!) that was pesto tortellini. And I bought sno peas to much on. A rather verde meal, I should say. I should've bought green tea to drink or an avacado frappe or something, just to y'know, complete the motif, but I was in the mood really for a giant cup of Coke & ice.
These things kinda entertain me at times....little mundane patterns that thread through my daily routine. Like if I were to get a lunch of cheese, chocolate, & chips (and I have before) then I would think of it as something like a sketch on The Electric Company and it would make me chuckle. Yeah, I'm chuckle-prone, okay? It don't take much.
I don't know why I impart such minutiae to youse guys, I mean generally speaking the itemization of a lunch is not exactly compelling info. But I suppose I'm supposing that since it's ME-RELATED minutiae, y'all will be enthralled. And you are, si??

One more thing about my lunch and then I'll move on to slightly less trivial terrain. I picked up from the Shaw's salad bar a little tub of gourmet dressing (that's an abyssmal salad bar, BTW, and the li'l tubs of gourmet dressings are the only things it's got going for it...that & the hard boiled eggies) to dip me sno-peas in. I picked out "Deeply Roasted Sesame (Japanese Style)". Sounds exotically yummy, right? Well, not only is it NOT yummy, it happens to taste quite a bit like the dressing I whipped up for my infamously REPUGNANT salad I made for last month's office potluck (if you missed, or forgot, my bitching about this culinary failure, go here to read up on it) It doesn't even have any peanuts in it (this tub o' dip) and yet it tastes nearly exactly like my salad dressing (which had peanut butter in it. I know that's barfy, I WANTED it to come out barfy. I felt like someone should put the "luck" in "potluck" Y'know if everybody made delicious dishes it would be more of a "pot-surething" now, wouldn't it???)

UPDATE ON MY LUNCH REPORT-- Holy shit (literally) I dunno if it was the roughage or the organic pasta that quarrelled with my stomach but--UUuuugghh. Lotsa bathroom time this afternoon. That's all I'll say about that (as I realize not everyone enjoys a B.M. play-by-play....me , I could go to a poop symposium, that talk don't bother me none)

Ok, on to last night's Nip/Tuck. It's my only Tues night required viewing, now that Rockstar Supernova is all over.

Y'know for an episode that had an adultery and a birth in it, I think it was not all that exciting. It was a good episode, no doubt (actually, I don't think there's such a thing as a bad Nip/Tuck eppy) but when I compare it with the wild drama abbondanza promised by the previews for next episode, well... I found it lacking. Although, I really dug the opening scene where Christian discovered his videos on YouTube (is there really such stuff on YouTube??? Holy Mackeral!!) Christian's line was right on the money-- "HOLY SHIT. Is that my ass???" Not a terribly pithy bit of dialogue but so perfect. I think that's pretty much what anyone would say.
I can't believe Sean and his fidelity lapse with that nerdy nurse. I don't get it. I know his fears & anxieties are making him all extra susceptible to temptation and blah, blah, blah, whatev. But why was he tempted?? She was no dog, this nurse whose name I can't recall (Ms. Akron Deviated Septum ) but ehhh. I dunno, I guess I just thought Sean had set his "bar" a smidgeon higher. Apparently trite high school reminiscence is a mighty aphrodisiac that the "good" doc cannot resist. To be fair, her neurosis wasn't really overt until after sex. Guess she figured, I've wooed & bedded him, all clear to let my nutjob flag fly. (I know the expression sez "freak flag" but Akron really comes off more nutjobbish than freaky....and I endeavor to be accurate) Anyways, if she stays in Ohio, I'll eat my hat . (YOU pick the particular hat...I have several) Speaking of hats...hat's off to Mario Lopez (maaan, I can rock a segue like no other!) for showing his tushie on the telly. You got a lotta chutzpah there Lopez. (and I was a-checkin' out his chutzpah! Eh? Eh? Nudge nudge wink wink) I can go along with all his pull-ups and showering and all that, but I DO NOT buy him as a doctor . Even if it was stipulated that he got his medical degree through a correspondence course, I STILL would not believe it. ("paging Dr Slater...Dr Slater to the OR stat") I admit, at core, I am biased, feeling that such a pretty boy must be empty-headed. But also I'm influenced by when I saw him on the Celebrity Edition of The Weakest Link. He was undoubtedly the weakest link. EVER. He didn't know anything!! He was supposed to make me forget how real-life stupid he is by his stellar acting gifts. He did not quite accomplish that. Was good seeing his ass though.

After Nip/Tuck I got inexplicably sucked in to watching "2 Legit 2 Quit: The MC Hammer Story" on VH1. I did manage to break the spell, but not until I'd wasted a good 45 minutes on that foolishness. I wonder if it was really a dead skunk in the pool (and the pool man having him on credit hold) that lead to Hammer finding out he was going bankrupt. I'm not going to lose sleep wondering about it, but I wonder. Maybe I will send the man himself a letter (a HAMMERGRAM! Haaa!) inquiring as to the accuracy of this cheap VH1 biopic. Ehh, maybe not . Methinks I'll pretend instead, that Hammer reads my blog, and if he feels up to commenting on "2 Legit 2 Quit: The MC Hammer Story", he knows where to reach me.