Here is where I shall ramble on about whatever triviality pops abitrarily into my noggin. Come here when jonesing for inconsequential, stream-of-consciousness drivel.
My sister has been trialing an iPhone these past coupla days. My tech envy is FIERCE. My phone is just too shamefully shabby to begin with, and add to that the fact that my iPod has , as of late, come down with a mild case of fucked-up. So I feel almost justified in getting something new in which to reposit all my tunes. And if that something new just happens to be a 300X upgrade of what I've got for a cell, well, that's just gravy eh?
Ah, but the iPod is just *mildly* fucked up. It's still working perfectly fine. And, the personal finances being what they are, the smart plan of action would be inaction...keep on keeping on, making do..etc. Oh, bollocks.
Minor though my iPod flaw is, I'm still sorta livid about it. I LOVE my iPod...though I'm sure it' s my own idiotic fault the thing's damaged..although I'm not quite sure how it happened. The other day I noticed a little line in the the display. I thought it got there either through me leaving it in the cold car on some occasion (although I really try not to do that) or it was a pressure fracture. Many a night, I fall asleep listening to that thing, I wake up in the morning and it's under my ass. Oh, sure it sinks into the mattress alright, but that's still a *lot* of pressure coming from above. So I have been extra careful with it since spotting the line, carrying it in a little case, and making sure to bring it into my desk at work. Well, then on Friday night, I went to happy hour with a coworker, and I didn't want to bring into the bar anything but my wee, stuffed-to-capacity, clutch purse. My iPod was in a case...and then I shoved that case inside a woolly mitten...I thought that would be sufficient insulation.
Well, as my italics have insinuated, I exacerbated the flaw. Later Friday night, I went to use my iPod and saw that the line was BIGGER. So it was probably the cold and not my ass that hurt it in the first place. Whatever, it's my fault either way, and I'm ever so distressed over it.
Here, I give you the offending line itself--
Playback/operation doesn't really seem to be affected. And of course, for music, it doesn't really matter one whit. But I have a good deal of TV and a few movies on there. To illustrate...this is what I'd see if I began watching my fave episode of The Mighty Boosh...
Pesky, eh? BUT, I suppose I'll adjust. (suppose I have to)
I wonder...if I was a boss that had "underlings" or an exec with an assistant (sheeeesh I can't even TYPE that straight-facedly. .I am sooo not management material) would I be able to send them out to get my lunch? Well, surely (in this hypothetical world)I could ...I suppose what I'm really pondering is: would I ??
I don't think I would. I have a difficult time delegating work to begin with (that's prob'ly the top reason I could never be a manager and this is all moot musing) Perhaps I could get over that (and it's likely that I did, iffin' I make-believe made it into the managerial ranks) but I don't think I could bring myself to command people to do my personal errands. But that's pretty commonplace I take it: assistants picking up lunch, making reservations, etc. etc. (picking up the boss's dry-cleaning is a classic, right? Shit.. I've shifted into Family Feud mode. "DRYCLEANING-YES!Good answer! Good answer!" clap clap clap ...)
I didn't just start contemplating this out of the blue, by the way. I was working at the front desk today at around 1pm (covering the regular receptionist's lunch) and wished Chris, our CEO's assistant a "God speed and drive safe!!" as she bustled out the door into a EFFING NOR'EASTER to go pick up lunch for the CEO & the VP. I don't know which bitch ordered her to do it, but it struck me as especially imperious on a day like today.
No money to do anything fun this weekend. So OBVIOUSLY, I would avoid housework too. I mean, if you're in such a morass of suck that you can't afford to do anything fun, why *further punish* yourself with tiresome toil?? Usually such circumstances call for a movie marathon weekend, but I had an unusual swelling of creative juices yesterday (perhaps this is owing to my 15 hours of sleep after conking out at around 7pm on Fri night) and I went out in the fluffy precipitation and made a snowman...er, I mean, a snow beastie....
He smelled like fish guts, cashews & hair product. And that is indeed a foil-wrapped peanut butter cup as his schnozz but it is NOT candy abuse, as I had some dreadful Palmer brand chocolate on my hands (including some PB cups).
Today was more of a movie marathon day, though I was slightly more ambitious and did some pedicurin' while I watched my movies. I left my toes in one of those foam toe separator jobbies while my polish dried and then just left it in my toes long after they had dried, simply 'cuz I got wrapped up in the movie. It freaked me out a bit when I took it off, as it seemed to me that the toes on my left foot were all gnarly. Not gnarly in good way. Gnarly in a GNARLED way. I don't know why it would be on my left foot *only* as I left the foam jobbies on both feet, but that's the way they were. Particularly off-looking was my little piggie sans roast beef (3 over from biggie) So, not trusting my own perception, I took Flip Video footage of my feets. YOU be the judge....will I never again be able to snag a foot fetishist??
If you are at all curious about the soundtrack to this toe inspection, it's just the end credits of Hudsucker Proxy you hear in the background..
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Lemme see... what's new avec moi...hmmm...
My New Year's Eve was pretty low-key & DULL. My sister had a small bash at her house--board games and drinking....and I was only down for the latter. Sure, I brought Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture DVD Edition, but I didn't wanna actually play it. Not to be a braggedy pants but...I pretty much always win...I certainly don't mind that, but it's just an EPIC* endeavor getting to the win. I think I just need a new Trivial Pursuit game and then I 'll get reinterested. Pretty much for board games I could go for, the entire list is:.Scrabble, Bananagrams, Battleship, or Connect Four. And that's it. (Guess Who would've made the list but they gave all of the characters a makeover and that somehow ruined it for me) And most adults I know won't play the last two. I don't know why. Okay, I recognize that I'm succumbing to a tangent but humor me for just a line or two longer. Y'know how they're resuscitating all manner of 80s toys, so nearly anything you played with back in the day you can get for your kiddos to play with (with a hefty nostalgia surcharge of course)? Well, I'm just dying for them to bring back the board game Cat's Eye. I used to effing LOVE that game. And yet..I'm pretty sure if they did bring it back it would wind up disappointing me ( a la "Hmm, I remember this being much funner") So. Back to New Year's. I didn't do board games, I just drank champers and played with these that I got my niece Sadie for Christmas. And then we turned on the telly... I actually wanted to see Mtv drop Snooki in her little guidette hamster ball . We were actually watching Mtv for a bit, but then they started in on some racy banter and my sister switched over to ABC because my nieces & nephew were up still and watching. So it was New Year's Rockin' Eve with Dick Clark. I admit it saddens me a smidge, watching post-stroke Clark count it down. But I think mostly I'm glad he still does it. I'm sure there was a contingent at the network that wanted to have him back out of it, because he's not the height of hip, and he's old and unpretty and now he's not speaking clearly...but it pleases me to think he told them "Go fuck yourself! I'm Dick Fucking Clark!!"
So after that dull New Year's Eve (dudes, living it was even lamer than reading about it has been!! FOR REALS.) I dusted off my perennial resolutions (1. shed some tonnage and 2. have more adventures. ) and commenced 2011. And then, HORRIBLY, on my first workday of the new year...the government tracked me down. Well, not the *whole *government ...just the student loans part of it. Oh, also they are too pissed at me to ring me directly. It was some collections agency that called me at work. Anyway, long sob story short, I am now on some "rehab program" and my lifestyle motif for 2011 shall be summed up by the word: "MONASTIC" . This new way of life works pretty well with that parenthetical #1 (poverty diet, anyone?) but I don't know yet how I can make it jive with perennial resolution #2. Ahh, we'll see.
On Thursday, during my lunch break my boss came in, and told me that beginning immediately --as of the end of my lunch break-- med supply ordering was indefinitely being covered by Larry and I was going to be trained to do "MAPS" and become responsible for those. To relate to you as briefly as I'm able what MAPS is...hmmm...well, firstly MAPS is an acronym of sorts...and what it's an acronym for they don't cover in MAPS training. Hell, should that not be MAPS 101? I feel like all these acronyms that are supposed to make business easier just obfuscate everything. Anyways, we bill Medicare for a patient of ours...for an episode (usually a period of 60 days) of services and/or supplies... Medicare will sometimes refute a bill : "Uh-uh...we don't think so" at which point the first part of the process kicks in--a mass accrual of notes & documentation (all aimed to show we did what we said we did, and did so correctly and with an MD sanction) So we get that and like, reassert our bill , a sort of "Oh YUH HUH. We mean it." But we are still at this point, retaining that accrual. ..until Medicare comes back at us with some of those patient episodes (most, but not necessarily all that they originally balked at) and they say "OK...BRING IT." Which kicks off a huge mailing (of aforementioned accrual) with beaucoup cover letters and massive certified mail fees. That's basically MAPS....though I didn't manage to make it brief at all. Damn. I haven't been doing this gig long enough (just for half of Thursday + Friday) to say for sure whether I like it or not, but it's a time-consuming task, and they only took away one of my regular duties. And I'm pretty sure the nurses are going to HATE Larry doing the med supply ordering (I know Larry hates it).
It just so happens Thursday night I had a dream that I was at the movies and I saw my boss there and I pelted her with baby carrots. It was kind of a sad thing...that I was noshing on baby carrots at the movies. But the rest of the dream was quite gratifying!! It was very funny, she was standing up and headed toward the center aisle and in this kind of exaggerated high-comedic way she was locked in place by the barrage of carrots.
I know it's EXTREMELY last minute to be recommending Christmas music, but I feel that I've been rather negligent in posting this month and I feel like if I crank out a post now (and I got a coupla minutes in which I can) than it should be Christmas themed , dammit.
Tonight is my family annual Christmas Eve party and I made some playlists of some of the very bestest from my not-too-shabby compendium of Christmas tunes. I got a few new tracks (noted with *) and added them in there. So, even though 98% of my family won't even notice it, the soundtrack to this soiree is going to be off da HO- HO HOOOK! (Feeble. I apologize.)
2010 Xmas mix (Part I)
1. We Need A Little Christmas (Percy Faith & Choristers) 2. Christmas is Coming (Harry Belafonte) 3. Caroling, Carolling (Nat King Cole)-- I've never liked Nat King Cole's ubiquitous Christmas song ("chestnuuuuts roasting blah blah blahdee blaaah..etc") but this one I *LOVE* 4. Shake Hands with Santa Claus (Louis Prima) 5. We Wish You the Merriest (Frank Sinatra & Bing Crosby) --2 of the smoothest smoothies ever. What an incomparable pair, am I right?? 6. Home for the Holidays (Perry Como)-- it probably makes me seem about 75 yrs old, but eff it..I love Perry Como. Pretty much everything he ever did. Yep. Can't deny it. 7. Happy Holidays (funky remix w/ Bing Crosby vocal) 8.Christmas Conga (Cyndi Lauper) 9. Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney & Wings) 10. Christmas is a Time to Say I Love you (Billy Squier) 11. Last Christmas ( Wham!) -- I read something about a poll in Bulgaria this year asking for "the most ANNOYING Christmas Song" And they voted this one #1. Which proves what I've always said ---Bulgarians know NOTHING about good music. Really? Bulgaria?? This song is terrific, and all you Bulgarians are so jaded and nasty. 12 The Man With All the Toys (The Beach Boys) -- I like, when this one is playing, to just sing along to one of the background parts. There's one Boy (probably Dennis, but I can't be sure) that just regularly sings out "Boh!" throughout. (check here for a memory refresher) That's the part I sing along to. It amuses me..for some odd reason.. 13. I've Got my Love to Keep Me Warm (Dean Martin)-- a great song...and its greatness is exponentially multiplied when you've got Dino (love him) crooning it... 14. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (Barenaked Ladies) 15. Little Drummer Boy (Lou Rawls)-- I had never been a huge fan of this one, but Rawls gives it some soul and I dig it.. 16. Good Christian Men Rejoice (Robert Shaw Chorale) 17. I Saw Three Ships (some chorus) 18. Good King Wenceslas (some other chorus)--I've always loved Good King W. 19. Ding Dong Merrily on High (Cambridge chorus) 20. Here We Come A-Carolling (Perry Como) see above note re: Perry Como 21. O Tannenbaum (orchestra & St Killian boys choir) 22. Hey Santa ! (Chris Isaak)
Xmas mix 2010 (part II)
1. O Come , O Come Emmanuel (Chichester Cathedral Choir)* 2. O Holy Night (Avril LaVigne)---and , NO, she doesn't get all punk-lite with it. It's pretty lovely, I think.. 3.Angels We Have Heard on High (Cambridge Choir) 4. Joy to the World (London Symphony Orchestra) this song is nice, for sure, but strangely it is about 5x louder than any other track. When it starts up, you gotta LUNGE for that stereo remote.. 5. The Holly & the Ivy (Medieval Babes) * 6. I Saw 3 Ships (Cyndi Lauper) -yeah, I repeated it on both mixes, but it is different versions of the song. The other one is more ethereal sounding, Lauper's has more of a primitive, Olde English festival feel to it.. 7. Jingle Bells (Barenaked Ladies)*-- new acquisition for 2010. Y'know, it's sometimes tough to make a decision on iTunes, when you only have 30 seconds of a song to judge. But in this instance, they picked the right 30 seconds to offer up as a sample. When I heard them work "Batman smells..Robin laid an egg" into the chorus..well...I was SOLD. Though I was surprised to later hear that it starts out all slow & plaintive & earnest (but it does get around to the Batman chorus by the end...kooky, eh?) 8. The Marvelous Toy (Peter, Paul, & Mary) 9. Sugar Rum Cherry (Duke Ellington & band)--this is a swingin' reboot of the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy 10 You're a Mean one Mr Grinch ( Thurl Ravenscroft-- a lot of people think Boris Karloff did that song.. and while Karloff did do the voice of Grinch--in the speaking parts-- Ravenscroft did this song. Thurl Ravenscroft is a name worth committing to the memory banks... I mean, firstly, THAT NAME...innately rad, am I right? But Thurl was also the voice of Tony the Tiger ("They're Grrrrreat!") and he did a lot of work for Disney. If you've ever been to The Country Bear Jamboree (if you haven't...I am so sad for you.) he did the voices for the bison head that hangs on the theater wall) 11 Drunk On Christmas (Jimmy Fallon) * --Jimmy just put this out this year. Love it. Love him. 12 Sleigh Ride (Johnny Mathis)-- nobody sings this song like Johnny Mathis. The mo-fo OWNS it... 13. Must Be Santa (Brave Combo)--hyper Christmas polka. What's not to love? 14. Wonderful Day (the Chipmunks)-- some people are annoyed by the Chipmunks...to them I say...move to Bulgaria. The Chipmunks kick arse (though I don't like their recent movie incarnations) 15. I'm Gettin' Nuttin' For Christmas (Barry Gordon) 16. Baby It's Cold Outside (Ann Margaret & Al Hirt) 17 Christmas Wrapping (the Waitresses) 18.We Wish You a Merry Christmas (Booker T & the MGs) 19. I Wish It Was Christmas Today (Julian Casablancas) --this is a great cover...though, I like the original on SNL a smidge more. YOU be the judge, folks--- ^^ I was searching YouTube for an official music video, but there doesn't seem to be one. I don't think this fan-made one really fits the song, but 'tis a montage of freaked-out-by-Santa tots (another holiday institution I cherish) so that's why I picked it. Is it just me, or were Santas of yesteryear (like the 1920s-1970s) scarier than modern Santas? I think it's because they had shabby looking costumes. And these screaming li'l moppets just knew ("What the hell? Santa isn't poor!!")
The original "Wish it Was Christmas Today" You should see me do the Tracy Morgan part on this. I am brilliant at it. BRILLIANT!!
Today, my coworker Paul emailed me-- "Whaddya think? Should I send out Krampus cards for the holidays??" Well, I am ashamed to say I had no clue who/what Krampus is/ was. I don't know why I should feel ashamed...there's no reason I should be more educated than your average Jane in regards to European Christmas lore of yore. Nevertheless, I felt well, maybe not ashamed, but "inadequate" is probably the more apt adjective. Anyway for some irrational, emotion-based reason, I didn't write back "Pardon? Who is Krampus?" or something similarly honest. Instead, I looked it up on Wikipedia and then wrote back as if I was savvy all along.
Take momentary detour and read the article I tracked down... be thorough...don't skip the stuff about Zwarte Piet or Knecht Ruprecht...that's good stuff. Cryptozoology meets Christmas--I LOVE it!
Ok, the #1 reason I felt inadequate was that it was *Paul* I was talking to . Paul, whom I've dubbed "know-it-all-Paul". He pretty much knows EVERYTHING. ...probably everything except for the fact that I call him "know-it-all Paul" behind his back. Not widely... only to a select few folks that don't know him. I just don't wanna give you the wrong idea...even if the guy makes me feel comparatively stoooopid, I do NOT trash talk him around the office. I try to abstain from inter-office trash talk entirely. It's SO gauche. On rare occasion maybe, but only when someone really deserves it. But I have veered wildly off topic (only 'cause I was fretting that I'd diminished your good opinion of me... intolerable notion, that..)
So I'm usually at peace with Paul's ominscience...as it makes for stimulating banter. And I do an OK job of intellectually keeping up. In some areas--for instance:science, math, politics-- I am resigned to being behind. But THE KRAMPUS is just the sort of thing I make it my biz to be knowledgeable about. But I knew NONE of that stuff... Krampus, Zwarte Piet, Belsnickel, etc. The name Le Pere Fouettard seemed familiar...but only vaguely. Maaaan, I have been missing out!!
I especially like this bit about old Knecht Ruprecht customs--
"In some of the Ruprecht traditions, the children would be summoned to the door to perform tricks, such as a dance or singing a song to impress upon Santa and Ruprecht that they were indeed good childrewho performed well were given a gift or some treats. Those who performed badly enough or had committed other misdeeds throughout the year were put into Ruprecht's sack and taken away, variously n. Those who performed badly would be beaten soundly by Servant Ruprecht, and those to Ruprecht’s home in the
Black Forest to be consumed later, or to be tossed into a river. In other versions the children must be asleep, and would awake to find their shoes filled with either sweets, coal, or in some cases a stick. Over time, other customs developed: parents giving kids who misbehaved a stick instead of treats and saying that it was a warning from Nikolaus that "unless you improve by Christmas
day[citation needed], Nikolaus' black servant Ruprecht will come and beat you with the stick and you won't get any Christmas gifts." Often there would be variations idiosyncratic to individual families "
Dance, little moppet, dance! Oh, and don't let that DARK ROBED STRANGER WITH A SWITCH affect your performance!! Dark stuff.
THOUGHT: How exciting and epic "The Night Before Christmas" mighta been!! Picture it: "Mama in her Kerchief" and "I in my cap" have to battle a scraggly magical St Nick sidekick hobo guy who was going to abscond with their kids in a wicker backpack??
I leave you with this Krampus celebrating vid. It makes me even more ashamed ...if a crappy, insignifico cable channel like G4 was Krampus-aware, I should've been too!!
It’s almost like my desk calendar knows that I’ve been pondering whether or not to get another Forgotten English desk calendar for 2011 or somethin’ entirely new… since it finally gave me something interesting (in my opinion , anyway) after days & weeks of yawners. The “bees in the brain” definition caught my attention because it uses the term “fou” and I didn’t know WTF that was. And after looking it up, I found it very useful little monosyllable …Scots’ lingo for drunk or French for “crazy”…either way, Little Bunny Fou Fou is starting to make sense to me now. I used to have trouble with the notion of a little rabbit unleashing such a swath of senseless unprovoked violence (aside from the rabbit of Caerbannog, it doesn’t fit in with my concept of that animal) but if said bunny was drunk drunk than that might explain things somewhat. Or if he was crazy crazy. Or crazy drunk.
I also like that bit about breaking tragic news to bees... even if the instrux are contradictory. I think, if I am put in this position, I am going to try a loud whisper…
No need to see “The Social Network” to find out this “why”
The FB raison d'être came to me all epiphany-like and I’m gonna lay it on ya now….
Yesterday, while out walking, I saw a log-hauling truck. The body of this truck (or should I say “cab”? It was the front part of the truck that was not a stack of logs) was MAUVE. This struck me as a somewhat remarkable hue for such a vehicle and I thought this big rig MUST have started out its life hauling Isotoner gloves or ladies’ shoes or something.. Then last night I told a friend about this log truck sighting (told her the ol’ fashioned way, using my larynx) and I found the reporting ….anticlimactic. It’s a rather distinct sensation really..I should know, as it happens to me often ( ‘tis the scourge of all self-aware loquacious types everywhere)
Have you felt this? You are sharing an anecdote, or more likely, an anecdotal observation, and you just feel it losing its value mid-tell. As you speak, you are thinking ---this insight /intel really did seem more noteworthy within the confines of my noggin … nobody is going to “get this” .And yet you forge ahead, with a sort of well-can't-unring-this-bell-fatalism.
I should have typed that log truck episode into the status field of my FB page, is what I shoulda done. And really, with that “What’s on your mind??” prompt they have there, aren’t they rather inviting that sort of inconsequential blather?? Now, making it a wall-posting will NOT magically transform my mauve log truck news into newsworthy news BUT….everybody’s FB homepage is invariably overrun with “TGIF!!!!!” or “Headed out to the drycleaners J ” or “Just had a GREAT ham sandwich” So I’d be purged of this cranium clutter, and who cares if it is enfeebled upon externalization… ’tis only dropping a micro-droplet into an ocean of blaah-blaah-blaaaaah, so there is no call to fret whatsoever, y’see??
Oh and, by the way, I haven’t logged on to Facebook since the mauve log-truck encounter, so that tale is totally a BLOG EXCLUSIVE!! Oh, you lucky readership, you!!!
Ok, I think with this confession I have to relinquish any claims I have to being a bona fide sophisticate but, dammit, I can't hold it in--- I LOVE AUSTIN POWERS.
Oooh.. I feel so gauche.
My niece turned 13 yesterday and she was waaay stoked to watch a PG-13 movie...not her 1st, but the previous few were sneaked and not parentally sanctioned. Anyway, she was acting like it was some big time rite o' passage...it was pretty cute. I went up last night for homemade pizza and cupcakes and then got to share in the inaugural PG-13 flick-- "Austin Powers: Goldmember" (which she got out of the Big Lots bargain bin for $3.) There were a few feeble sight gags in the flick but most of the movie CRACKED ME UP. Well, I had seen it before. Hell, I own it, I bet I paid full new DVD price for it too, (which retrospectively irks me when I consider the killer bargain price Chloe got on it) I got it right when it came out, and this was before "Previewed DVDs" flooded the market and drove down the average price of DVDs in general. So obviously, if I paid upwards of SIXTEEN DOLLARS for a DVD (gaaaasp!!) I already loved Austin Powers. But I just forgot that somehow. It's funny that that movie (the 3rd in the series) was out in 2002 and it feels to me like it was really rummaging waaaay back in the archives. Silly.
In other pop-culture inconsequentia (yeah. I fabricated that word. What of it? Piss off, eh?) I read an article about TV Shows That Have Jumped the Shark (incidentally, I feel like the phrase "jumped the shark" has jumped the shark) and one of the sorry shows mentioned (and pictured in the accompanying slideshow) was "Two and a Half Men" . I don't think I even read the caption on that one, but just a 12 second glimpse of Sheen & Cryer got that godawful "Two and a Half Men" theme song stuck in my head. I suppose that's instant karma in action...bad things happen to bums who shirk their work duties to tarry online. And believe y'all me...it IS a bad thing...I've had many a song stuck in my head over the years but "menmenmenmen manly men men men men" has gotta be the absolute shittiest.
...so it's seldom I tarry on ESPN blogs & the like. But from time to time, there is a sports-related news blurb ridiculous enough to snare my attention.
This one, for instance. Laughable!! If God follows anyone on Twitter, it's gonna be the Pope or like, Julie Andrews, it sure as hell ain't gonna be some lunkhead from the NFL.
Even more laughable-- imagining God lashing back via Twitter. Picture that celeb-tattle rag headline: "Bills Wide Receiver and THE ALMIGHTY in Nasty Twitter Row"
Monday, November 22, 2010
I am a frequent visitor of the HuffPost comedy site...today, while perusing their new offerings I spotted Funniest Notes to Bad Parkers . Generally, I'm a sucker for a good comedy slideshow, but strangely, this one got me feeling more defensive than amused. A lot of times, people get forced into a bad parking job by the cars already parked in the vicinity. If the truck to the left of the vacant space is straddling the painted line, then you--if taking aforesaid vacancy-- are going to inevitably park just as badly. And then that truck starts up and goes home (with the aid of its driver, of course) and your car is left there, absorbing all the guilt. So, OK, yes, this has happened to me more than once, but I swear, it 's a general sense of injustice I speak from... feeling defensive on behalf of ALL chastised parkers everywhere.
I would never leave a note on a car like this...unless I absolutely *knew * that they parked that way out of ineptitude. And if I were to leave a note, I'm certain I wouldn't be irate enough to use the word "asshat" in it....even though I think it's a HILARIOUS thing to call someone. Bad parking is a pretty innocuous offense, after all. Just chillax, folks.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Some strange lady started chatting me up in Walmart last night…I don’t know just how I discern the general friendly folk from the “I don’t think her elevator goes all the way to the top floor” types…but this lady from last night, I think she was of the latter group. I was digging through the $5 DVD bin, and she’s like “Anything good in there?” Sensible enough opening, but shortly thereafter she starts telling me about her work hours being cut down and her money woes and how she applied at Walmart and is stressed about Christmas…talking to me like I was an old pal or freakin’ Delilah (ever heard her on the radio?? Blecch) And her whole diatribe is interspersed with sighs of “Oooh BOOGERS” which seemed to be her preferred exclamation of lament.
So, when she finally got occupied with the contents of the $5 bin, I kinda skulked off the the scene. But 15 minutes later, all the way on the other side of the store, I’m looking through the boxed Christmas cards and suddenly, at my left shoulder: “Christmas cards, huh? Oooh BOOGERS.”
I don’t know why I’m not good with random strangers being friendly at me. I mean, I don’t handle it as badly as I could…it’s not as if I mace them…but I feel like I should proffer some reciprocal friendliness (but it’s rare that I can manage it)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
I did a little remainder-of-2010 budgeting and came to the conclusion that THIS upcoming paycheck (droppin’ on Thurs) is THE one that is going to finance the bulk of my Christmas shopping. So I have to shift into that gear post haste… to this end, I bought me some music on iTunes.
I’ve bought a gift or two already (ok, specifics--5 specifically allocated gifts & 3 “oh, this’ll be nice for…someone” items) but the Christmas shopping PUSH hasn’t quite commenced. Usually picking out my cards gets me in the right frame of mind (I think I’ll check Kmart tomorrow…scoff if you will, but I usually have very good luck with Christmas cards at Kmart. ) But also I thought it might be wise to purge the selfish spending impulses from my being. .. .hence the aforementioned iTunes spree.
Does 9 songs constitute a spree? It’s all relative, I suppose. Hmmm, well, gauging by my average consumption rates, I’m going to rule that you need a minimum of 15 songs to officially have a “spree”. So I indulged in a half-spree (or a “demi-spree” if you will…I hope you will, as I think that sounds classier)
The specifics of my demi-spree--
1.Sweet Disposition [by The Temper Trap]-- this is the song that anyone and everyone is appropriating for their commercials these days. Oh, you know it --”A Moment. A Love. A Dream. A Laugh….”That one. I anticipate its television ubiquity making me hate it, eventually. But it’s still new-ish to me and for now I think it’s a lovely, feel good song…
2. Sleepyhead [ Passion Pit]-- the first time I listened to this (today, on a long car drive) I was all “WHAT THE FRACK DID I BUY??” It was a track that iTunes recommended to me (I believe based on the fact that I’d previously bought “Good Ol’ Fashioned Nightmare” by Matt & Kim) and the 30 second preview was appealing, so I thought I’d give it a go. With its opening half minute comprised of nonsensical jabber (sounding something akin to a LOLCAT speaking Japanese ) I was initially perplexed by the song. But the more I listen to it the more I like it. No, I’m not just saying that to stave off regret over an uninformed impulse buy. I really am liking it now (which is not to say I‘m now un-perplexed ). It sounds like an artsy audio collage. That seems an apt description to me, but I suspect it's not that helpful to the uninitiated, so here.
3. I’m Goin’ Down [Bruce Springsteen]-- In late August, I read an online article (in Paste, or some music-snob 'zine) which interviewed Ezra Koenig (lead singer of Vampire Weekend, and really too adorable for words..) about his formative musical influences. And Koenig, but of course, listened to all these artists at 7 yrs old that I’m just figuring out who the *^%$# they are. But he also mentioned that, in recent years, he was sorta rediscovering Bruce Springsteen. And then , mid September, I went to see Vampire Weekend in Springfield MA, and Ezra did a cover of this song (oh yeah, the rest of the band helped out, I guess..) that was really cool. And it made me want to revisit the original (which--sorry Ezra , darling--is undisputably the best) So I didn’t have a complete Boss renaissance, but I did get a renewed appreciation for this song. This song is IMMENSELY RAD. It didn’t knock “I’m On Fire” off the top spot of my mental roster of “Bestest Springsteen Songs” but it did tie it. My #2 on said roster-- in case you’re just dying to know --is “Radio Nowhere”
4. Cherchez la Femme [Dr Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band] --It’s my sister’s M.O. to talk about songs she likes, but never know those songs‘, actual, given titles. She instead takes some line of the song that just resonates most with her and she gives the song that line as a title. It’s always a bit of a chore to figure out what song she’s telling me she likes. I confess, from time to time, I rename songs in this same way. This song, for instance, I have always thought of as “Tommy Mottola Lives on the Road”
So, I’m in the middle of my demi-spree, and got a hankerin’ to throw something disco in the mix…so I purchased “Tommy Mottola Lives on the Road”. It’s a good song but not great for a disco fix. It has a pretty sweet Manilow vibe to it, but it’s not overly danceable Although…wonder if Dr Buzzard & co. ever played Soul Train. Those cats on Soul Train can dance to absolutely *anything*!!
I think learning this song’s actual title motivated me to buy it. I yearn to learn French, but haven’t, for a number of reasons…but I do like to pick up scraps of français where I can.. It baffled me a bit though..they pronounce “femme” as FOM. That can't possibly be correct??
5. Generals & Majors [XTC]-- checked this out on the recommendation of June, a nurse I work with, one of the elite handful of genuinely cool people at the agency (though, when you hear a straight-outta-1953 name like "June" it doesn't bring coolness to mind. She's an anomaly like that .) We were talking music…and she was avowing her love of the New Wave genre, and rattled off some of her fave New Wavers…could not believe I didn’t know anything by XTC. So I checked them out and really dug this particular track. Lyrically, there’s not anything that hooks ya here, but the music is terrif-- upbeat New Wave with WHISTLING!!
6. Space Age Love Song [Flock of Seagulls]--- I can attest, firsthand: this song is the perfect soundtrack to zippiing down the interstate. Listen to it. It sounds like driving down the interstate.
7. Harvey & Sheila [ Allan Sherman]-- I swear, every iTunes buy includes at least one song--a little weird and/ or hokey--- that I am sort of sheepish about liking .. Even in a half spree we got one..
Anyway--screw you guys--Allan Sherman is funny (or was…he must be dead by now, right?)
I liked the idea of a song parodying “hava nagilah”
8. Down with the Sickness [Disturbed]-- I am usually averse to “angry music” but that are a couple exceptional songs of that ilk that I find strangely appealing. This song would be one of those. Although this track I downloaded has a profanity-laden tirade in the middle of it that I’d not heard ( since I suppose I’d always heard this song on the radio and they woulda cut that bit out) Normally, I’m all for bonus profanity, but I don’t like this part of the song…it’s all dark ravings about his mother. I don’t listen to this song because I’m interested in this guy’s fucked up mommy issues--no way. I’m pretty much just listening for that berzerker death metal monkey sound : “oooh WA AH AH AH!!” Yeeeaah. ..that’s the stuff.
9.”Surfin’ Bird” [the Trashmen]--almost didn’t buy this because I have a version of Surfin’ Bird performed by the Ramones. But I’m very glad I did get this. This song is f-ing ridiculous in the most magical way…the Ramones (great though they may be) don’t even come close to recapturing that.
Every year for my birthday I want a scary movie marathon. I'm no horror buff...but I do think certain horror movies are fun. Anything from the 50s thru the 80s is fun. Nothing really in the 90s appeals to me, and modern horror...now that that "torture-porn" style is so chic...ugh, I can't stand any o' that.
This year, Laura promised me pizza & Halloween movie marathon. I'm pretty easy to please...that's all I really want.
OK..degree of difficulty..this was something my 12 yr old niece wanted to be in on. And she is a wuss about scary movies. I thought maybe we could ease her into it with some light horror. But Laura said the first night she isn't able to sleep I was gonna be called in the middle of the night to go fetch her. So that wouldn't *really* happen but I got the general message-- put the scare in Chloe and suffer the wrath of her mum!!
I brought my whole selection of Halloweenish movies--scary and otherwise. I brought: 1. Ravenous 2. The Evil Dead 3. Shaun of the Dead 4. Suspira 5.Mad Monster Party (Rankin-Bass movie) 6. Halloween II 7. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (not entirely sure why I brought this one. Hardly fits the theme...) 8. 20 Blood Curdling Horror Classics ( cheap-o set that I got--20 movies on 6 DVDs: Maniac / Little Shop of Horrors / Moon of the Wolf / House on Haunted Hill / Creature from the Haunted Sea/ Tormented/ Dementia 13/ The Galaxy Invader/ Phantom of 10,000 Leagues /Attack of the Monsters/Blood Tide/The Terror /Laser Mission /The Astral Factor /They Came from Beyond Space/ The Last Man on Earth / Gamera the Invincible/ Snowbeast /Night of the Living Dead / War of the Planets) 9. April Fool's Day 10. Poltergeist 11.Young Frankenstein 12. The Tingler 13. Amityville Horror (the 2005 remake)
I thought maybe I could get Chloe to watch Poltergeist...I just looove that one and ultimately it's not that scary..after all, nobody dies in it. And even though I don't think it's all that scary, I hadn't realized (until perusing the DVD case today) the movie has actually got a PG rating. But she wasn't quite bold enough for that. But of that list there were a good deal I hadn't actually seen (#s 13, 12, 6, 4, 1 &none of the movies in the 20 movie collection *except* The Last Man on Earth) so I was good with seeing any of those. Ultimately, we ended up watching "The Tingler' only after I reassured Chloe that scary movies of the 50s just are not scary at all to a modern audience. And that movie proved that assertion true. Not only was there a lot of laughable hammy acting, but the villain-critter of the piece, meant to strike fear into the hearts of moviegoers--it's a rubbery looking centipede-lobster tail mash-up and it's called...THE TINGLER. Not overly terrifying, that moniker. Sounds like a bit of battery powered fun, really. Then we watched Beetlejuice (one that our friend Kristi brought) And then Chloe and Kristi (mostly Kristi) got all in to watching the Halloween ep of Ghost Hunters (which I thought was BOOOO-RING!! Is that show always so dull??) Right now as I type this I'm watching Suspira. Getting near the end now. It's pretty good, but I don't know that I'd dub it "One of the Scariest Movies of all Time" (as Entertainment Weekly reportedly called it, according to the Suspira DVD case copy) I find, above all, it's a stylish horror film. I think a lot of times, when review calls a movie "stylish" they actually use that adjective to describe the plot or writing. But I mean it in the purest aesthetic sense of the word. The costumes are lovely..the set design gorrrgeous. The movie's a little gory, but I think the fact that all the blood is super technicolor vermillion --resembling hoochie nail polish more than anything else--squelches some of the gore-induced terror.
looking for that Tom-Bosley-on-a-train clip I found this Family Guy clip that effing CRACKS ME UP. I don't know how I coulda forgotten about this..
'Kay, now for s'more YouTubey goodness I have unearthed... there was a link to a Peter Serafinowicz interview on HuffPost. I recognized him as starring on the excellent Look Around You (which I'd watched a coupla times on Adult Swim) but had not previously realized that he co-created that show. The write-up that accompanied the interview hailed Serafinowicz as, like, the UK's next great comic genius. After thoroughly pillaging YouTube looking for his work, I am inclined to agree. I am uhhh, mildly obsessed w/ the guy now. Anywhooo, here be a coupla my faves---
this one is wonderfully weird. And even better--it's a bizarro Brit-lit brand of weird. And I love that sad face he makes at the end...
AWWWWW, SAD DICKENS!!!
I think this was a side project and not a part of The Peter Serafinowicz Show. I fecking LOVE it.. it's brill.
CINEMATIC WISDOM #508*-- When you are asked to please pass the butter, and you are not at the dining table, during mealtime....just..just...BE WARY. I'm not saying don't go get the butter, just make sure intentions are explicitly communicated. You're apt to be thinking, "Mmm..toast." whereas he's possibly thinking "Huzzah!! Sodomy!" It's best that you be on the same page.
I was puttering around Hulu last night and I saw they offer "LAST TANGO IN PARIS" Not the indie dance flick I was expecting...let me forewarn y'all that "tango" is employed euphemistically in this instance. Haa..ok, I jest. No I hadn't seen it before but I knew of it, and knew it was hardly a precursor to today's "Step-Up" series. I knew the movie's rep, andso I was kinda curious to see it. Well, firstly, I was a bit surprised to see it crop up on **hulu** of all places. I thought, well, if it’s on hulu, probably it’s not as wicked as all that. I mean, after all, it was directed by Bernard Bertolucci not the Marquis de Sade. And overall, it wasn’t as wicked as all that (though the butter scene rather earned its infamy) . If anything, there was some dialogue that I found objectionable.
Well, here’s a few things that are new since I last posted (been a smidge negligent--forgive me?) Not new & exciting…just new. In traditional journalistic fashion, I lead with the exciting stuff (Monsieur Butterfingers) this is the region of the text where you dump extraneous boring albeit factual shit. Here goes…
I took my car in for inspection (am no longer driving the sloppy jalopy BTW) and needed 4 new tires to pass. So that sucked away a chunk of my Saturday & approx $300 .
Out of the blue today, one of my coworkers said to me - “Sandra, ARE YOU OK?” in this tone of heightened concern. Normally that sort of thing is merely annoying, but when you work in an office full of nurses, it gets you effing paranoid! Or, at least it did me. I hope it wasn’t her trained eye alighting on something drastically awry …I mean I was SOOOO tired and I did look fairly hagged out today. The wardrobe pick du jour was moderately fetching, but I didn’t do a thing vis a vis hair & makeup. And I even have 2 wee blemishes I didn’t even bother to spackle o’er.
I learned today that I no longer like lox. I used to, and now I don’t. Not earth-shattering news that, as tastes do change, of course. But that’s just kind of a switcheroo for me…I more often find ,as I age, that I like things now that I never did before.. .. Like Lionel Ritchie…and beets.
* Lest you go searching for 507 prior nuggets of Cinematic Wisdom, I should point out that #508 was picked arbitrarily
3. Kurt Russell & Jeff Bridges [though it should be noted here that Bridges has the advantage of 7 trillion awesome points for being Lebowski. I definitely like him best and think really the only thing that links him to Russell in my mind is that they have matching swoopy brown coiffures)
I sometimes take a dry paintbrush (no paint on it) and make-believe paint moustaches on my nieces. Well the young ones, (5 &7) not my eldest niece (12). It amuses all of us, not that I can really explain why that is. I ask them , "What kind of moustache do you want? The Villain? The French Villain? The Surly Cowboy?" So they tell me what kind they'd like, and I "paint" it on, and they giggle and then usually give me a moustache. So the other night when I babysat, I put them to bed, and then I came back up and said "I FORGOT!! You guys need bedtime moustaches!!" So I gave Lucy a "fancy French" 'stache and Sadie got "The Pepere" and then Lucy is play-painting on my face and she sez " But Auntie you already have a moustache, kind of."
Yeeeowch...time to get the Sally Hansen Cream Hair Remover outta the medicine cabinet. Yes, I do have some..I was not previously oblivious to my she-stache. It's a very faint little peach fuzz stache--I guess I have the "Martin Mull". But I'd just procrastinated tending to it for a while, telling myself-- OK, sure, it is glaringly obvious to me when staring in the 200X magnifying makeup mirror (those things are damned BRUTAL by the way...don't mess with them unless you have mighty monster self confidence) but nobody looks *that* closely at my face. It would seem I've been too lax in the face-scaping. Sure, Lucy was staring at my face, and concentrating right on the upper lip region, but still... People do stare other people hard in the face. I dunno what I was thinking. I mean...fer instance... I work with this lady named Ricky. She is an RN so it rather shocks me that she seems to not realize the detriments of using mascara that you've kept since 1974. Maybe it's not old mascara, maybe it's really bad, cheap mascara. But I presumed it was old mascara, because I often buy cheap-ish mascara and I've never had a problem with my lashes ending up clumpy & looking like fat SPIDER LEGS like hers do. So consequently, everytime she talks to me, my peepers unavoidably lock onto hers. So why would I be immune to scrutiny of countenance--particularly if I has some 'stache action going on?? I wouldn't be. I was just making excuses. So, epilogue...I have rid myself of my Martin Mull-ness. Will need to tweeze the brows pretty soon though..
... usually, I consider them a lowly form of comedy ..sort of a cheap cop-out alternative to writing actual jokes. But there are some exceptional ones that have cracked me up. It's the choice of subject to impersonate, and even more so, what they do when "in-persona". I've seen so many unimpressive impressions where the joke is "Ha, ha, listen to how much I sound like so & so.." and so they don't actually say anything funny, they'll just like, talk about ordering coffee like Christopher Walken, and proceed to do a coffee order.
I bring this up because... well do YOU ever get an impression stuck in your head like you do a song? Tonight I was doing jokey jazz-scat singing about stew (a side effect, perhaps, of quaffing 2 glasses of my homemade smack-ya-upside-tha-haid wine) and it was coming out a smidge like Will Ferrell's impression of Robert Goulet. Which I ADORE. I got to pondering that, and was compelled to track it down online. I'm pissed at NBC, because they don't have --in their otherwise very extensive video archive--this sketch. It's quite possibly the awesomest thing Ferrell did on SNL and they don't have it (probably due to repeated use of the N-word). And I'm sort of peeved at YouTube too, for only having one video of it, and a *really* shitty quality one at that.
I'm embedding it anyway, because it MUST be shared...me mucho gusto.
Maybe I'm just a sucker for crooner impersonations, because I love this too--
Also, Bill Hader does a fine impression of Vincent Price which I very much enjoy . Vinnie Price was such an intrinsically funny character anyways (I shall make with a link, I don't wanna be an embeddaholic). And I am incapable of seeing a hot tub or even hearing mention of one, without wanting to break out into "Hot Tub!! Wanna git in the wah-tuh!!"
So, audience participation time--what is your fave impression? If you don't have one, you can borrow one of mine. . .
