Yule tuneage

I know it's EXTREMELY last minute to be recommending Christmas music, but I feel that I've been rather negligent in posting this month and I feel like if I crank out a post now (and I got a coupla minutes in which I can) than it should be Christmas themed , dammit.

Tonight is my family annual Christmas Eve party and I made some playlists of some of the very bestest from my not-too-shabby compendium of Christmas tunes. I got a few new tracks (noted with *) and added them in there. So, even though 98% of my family won't even notice it, the soundtrack to this soiree is going to be off da HO- HO HOOOK! (Feeble. I apologize.)

2010 Xmas mix (Part I)

1. We Need A Little Christmas (Percy Faith & Choristers)
2. Christmas is Coming (Harry Belafonte)
3. Caroling, Carolling (Nat King Cole)-- I've never liked Nat King Cole's ubiquitous Christmas song ("chestnuuuuts roasting blah blah blahdee blaaah..etc") but this one I *LOVE*
4. Shake Hands with Santa Claus (Louis Prima)
5. We Wish You the Merriest (Frank Sinatra & Bing Crosby) --2 of the smoothest smoothies ever. What an incomparable pair, am I right??
6. Home for the Holidays (Perry Como)-- it probably makes me seem about 75 yrs old, but eff it..I love Perry Como. Pretty much everything he ever did. Yep. Can't deny it.
7. Happy Holidays (funky remix w/ Bing Crosby vocal)
8.Christmas Conga (Cyndi Lauper)
9. Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney & Wings)
10. Christmas is a Time to Say I Love you (Billy Squier)
11. Last Christmas ( Wham!) -- I read something about a poll in Bulgaria this year asking for "the most ANNOYING Christmas Song" And they voted this one #1. Which proves what I've always said ---Bulgarians know NOTHING about good music. Really? Bulgaria?? This song is terrific, and all you Bulgarians are so jaded and nasty.
12 The Man With All the Toys (The Beach Boys) -- I like, when this one is playing, to just sing along to one of the background parts. There's one Boy (probably Dennis, but I can't be sure) that just regularly sings out "Boh!" throughout. (check here for a memory refresher) That's the part I sing along to. It amuses me..for some odd reason..
13. I've Got my Love to Keep Me Warm (Dean Martin)-- a great song...and its greatness is exponentially multiplied when you've got Dino (love him) crooning it...
14. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (Barenaked Ladies)
15. Little Drummer Boy (Lou Rawls)-- I had never been a huge fan of this one, but Rawls gives it some soul and I dig it..
16. Good Christian Men Rejoice (Robert Shaw Chorale)
17. I Saw Three Ships (some chorus)
18. Good King Wenceslas (some other chorus)--I've always loved Good King W.
19. Ding Dong Merrily on High (Cambridge chorus)
20. Here We Come A-Carolling (Perry Como) see above note re: Perry Como
21. O Tannenbaum (orchestra & St Killian boys choir)
22. Hey Santa ! (Chris Isaak)

Xmas mix 2010 (part II)

1. O Come , O Come Emmanuel (Chichester Cathedral Choir)*
2. O Holy Night (Avril LaVigne)---and , NO, she doesn't get all punk-lite with it. It's pretty lovely, I think..
3.Angels We Have Heard on High (Cambridge Choir)
4. Joy to the World (London Symphony Orchestra) this song is nice, for sure, but strangely it is about 5x louder than any other track. When it starts up, you gotta LUNGE for that stereo remote..
5. The Holly & the Ivy (Medieval Babes) *
6. I Saw 3 Ships (Cyndi Lauper) -yeah, I repeated it on both mixes, but it is different versions of the song. The other one is more ethereal sounding, Lauper's has more of a primitive, Olde English festival feel to it..
7. Jingle Bells (Barenaked Ladies)*-- new acquisition for 2010. Y'know, it's sometimes tough to make a decision on iTunes, when you only have 30 seconds of a song to judge. But in this instance, they picked the right 30 seconds to offer up as a sample. When I heard them work "Batman smells..Robin laid an egg" into the chorus..well...I was SOLD. Though I was surprised to later hear that it starts out all slow & plaintive & earnest (but it does get around to the Batman chorus by the end...kooky, eh?)
8. The Marvelous Toy (Peter, Paul, & Mary)
9. Sugar Rum Cherry (Duke Ellington & band)--this is a swingin' reboot of the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
10 You're a Mean one Mr Grinch ( Thurl Ravenscroft-- a lot of people think Boris Karloff did that song.. and while Karloff did do the voice of Grinch--in the speaking parts-- Ravenscroft did this song. Thurl Ravenscroft is a name worth committing to the memory banks... I mean, firstly, THAT NAME...innately rad, am I right? But Thurl was also the voice of Tony the Tiger ("They're Grrrrreat!") and he did a lot of work for Disney. If you've ever been to The Country Bear Jamboree (if you haven't...I am so sad for you.) he did the voices for the bison head that hangs on the theater wall)
11 Drunk On Christmas (Jimmy Fallon) * --Jimmy just put this out this year. Love it. Love him.
12 Sleigh Ride (Johnny Mathis)-- nobody sings this song like Johnny Mathis. The mo-fo OWNS it...
13. Must Be Santa (Brave Combo)--hyper Christmas polka. What's not to love?
14. Wonderful Day (the Chipmunks)-- some people are annoyed by the Chipmunks...to them I say...move to Bulgaria. The Chipmunks kick arse (though I don't like their recent movie incarnations)
15. I'm Gettin' Nuttin' For Christmas (Barry Gordon)
16. Baby It's Cold Outside (Ann Margaret & Al Hirt)
17 Christmas Wrapping (the Waitresses)
18.We Wish You a Merry Christmas (Booker T & the MGs)
19. I Wish It Was Christmas Today (Julian Casablancas) --this is a great cover...though, I like the original on SNL a smidge more. YOU be the judge, folks---

^^ I was searching YouTube for an official music video, but there doesn't seem to be one. I don't think this fan-made one really fits the song, but 'tis a montage of freaked-out-by-Santa tots (another holiday institution I cherish) so that's why I picked it. Is it just me, or were Santas of yesteryear (like the 1920s-1970s) scarier than modern Santas? I think it's because they had shabby looking costumes. And these screaming li'l moppets just knew ("What the hell? Santa isn't poor!!")

The original "Wish it Was Christmas Today" You should see me do the Tracy Morgan part on this. I am brilliant at it. BRILLIANT!!

　

　

　

　

　

YOU BETTER BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!

Today, my coworker Paul emailed me-- "Whaddya think? Should I send out Krampus cards for the holidays??" Well, I am ashamed to say I had no clue who/what Krampus is/ was. I don't know why I should feel ashamed...there's no reason I should be more educated than your average Jane in regards to European Christmas lore of yore. Nevertheless, I felt well, maybe not ashamed, but "inadequate" is probably the more apt adjective. Anyway for some irrational, emotion-based reason, I didn't write back "Pardon? Who is Krampus?" or something similarly honest. Instead, I looked it up on Wikipedia and then wrote back as if I was savvy all along.

Take momentary detour and read the article I tracked down... be thorough...don't skip the stuff about Zwarte Piet or Knecht Ruprecht...that's good stuff. Cryptozoology meets Christmas--I LOVE it!

Ok, the #1 reason I felt inadequate was that it was *Paul* I was talking to . Paul, whom I've dubbed "know-it-all-Paul". He pretty much knows EVERYTHING. ...probably everything except for the fact that I call him "know-it-all Paul" behind his back. Not widely... only to a select few folks that don't know him. I just don't wanna give you the wrong idea...even if the guy makes me feel comparatively stoooopid, I do NOT trash talk him around the office. I try to abstain from inter-office trash talk entirely. It's SO gauche. On rare occasion maybe, but only when someone really deserves it. But I have veered wildly off topic (only 'cause I was fretting that I'd diminished your good opinion of me... intolerable notion, that..)

So I'm usually at peace with Paul's ominscience...as it makes for stimulating banter. And I do an OK job of intellectually keeping up. In some areas--for instance:science, math, politics-- I am resigned to being behind. But THE KRAMPUS is just the sort of thing I make it my biz to be knowledgeable about. But I knew NONE of that stuff... Krampus, Zwarte Piet, Belsnickel, etc. The name Le Pere Fouettard seemed familiar...but only vaguely. Maaaan, I have been missing out!!

I especially like this bit about old Knecht Ruprecht customs--

"In some of the Ruprecht traditions, the children would be summoned to the door to perform tricks, such as a dance or singing a song to impress upon Santa and Ruprecht that they were indeed good childrewho performed well were given a gift or some treats. Those who performed badly enough or had committed other misdeeds throughout the year were put into Ruprecht's sack and taken away, variously n. Those who performed badly would be beaten soundly by Servant Ruprecht, and those to Ruprecht’s home in the

Black Forest to be consumed later, or to be tossed into a river. In other versions the children must be asleep, and would awake to find their shoes filled with either sweets, coal, or in some cases a stick. Over time, other customs developed: parents giving kids who misbehaved a stick instead of treats and saying that it was a warning from Nikolaus that "unless you improve by Christmas

day[citation needed], Nikolaus' black servant Ruprecht will come and beat you with the stick and you won't get any Christmas gifts." Often there would be variations idiosyncratic to individual families "

Dance, little moppet, dance! Oh, and don't let that DARK ROBED STRANGER WITH A SWITCH affect your performance!! Dark stuff.

THOUGHT: How exciting and epic "The Night Before Christmas" mighta been!! Picture it: "Mama in her Kerchief" and "I in my cap" have to battle a scraggly magical St Nick sidekick hobo guy who was going to abscond with their kids in a wicker backpack??

I leave you with this Krampus celebrating vid. It makes me even more ashamed ...if a crappy, insignifico cable channel like G4 was Krampus-aware, I should've been too!!

buzzzz bzzzzz

It’s almost like my desk calendar knows that I’ve been pondering whether or not to get another Forgotten English desk calendar for 2011 or somethin’ entirely new… since it finally gave me something interesting (in my opinion , anyway) after days & weeks of yawners.

The “bees in the brain” definition caught my attention because it uses the term “fou” and I didn’t know WTF that was. And after looking it up, I found it very useful little monosyllable …Scots’ lingo for drunk or French for “crazy”…either way, Little Bunny Fou Fou is starting to make sense to me now. I used to have trouble with the notion of a little rabbit unleashing such a swath of senseless unprovoked violence (aside from the rabbit of Caerbannog, it doesn’t fit in with my concept of that animal) but if said bunny was drunk drunk than that might explain things somewhat. Or if he was crazy crazy. Or crazy drunk.

I also like that bit about breaking tragic news to bees... even if the instrux are contradictory. I think, if I am put in this position, I am going to try a loud whisper…

Precisely WHY Facebook was put on this Earth

No need to see “The Social Network” to find out this “why”

The FB raison d'être came to me all epiphany-like and I’m gonna lay it on ya now….

Yesterday, while out walking, I saw a log-hauling truck. The body of this truck (or should I say “cab”? It was the front part of the truck that was not a stack of logs) was MAUVE. This struck me as a somewhat remarkable hue for such a vehicle and I thought this big rig MUST have started out its life hauling Isotoner gloves or ladies’ shoes or something.. Then last night I told a friend about this log truck sighting (told her the ol’ fashioned way, using my larynx) and I found the reporting ….anticlimactic. It’s a rather distinct sensation really..I should know, as it happens to me often ( ‘tis the scourge of all self-aware loquacious types everywhere)

Have you felt this? You are sharing an anecdote, or more likely, an anecdotal observation, and you just feel it losing its value mid-tell. As you speak, you are thinking ---this insight /intel really did seem more noteworthy within the confines of my noggin … nobody is going to “get this” .And yet you forge ahead, with a sort of well-can't-unring-this-bell-fatalism.

I should have typed that log truck episode into the status field of my FB page, is what I shoulda done. And really, with that “What’s on your mind??” prompt they have there, aren’t they rather inviting that sort of inconsequential blather?? Now, making it a wall-posting will NOT magically transform my mauve log truck news into newsworthy news BUT….everybody’s FB homepage is invariably overrun with “TGIF!!!!!” or “Headed out to the drycleaners J ” or “Just had a GREAT ham sandwich” So I’d be purged of this cranium clutter, and who cares if it is enfeebled upon externalization… ’tis only dropping a micro-droplet into an ocean of blaah-blaah-blaaaaah, so there is no call to fret whatsoever, y’see??

Oh and, by the way, I haven’t logged on to Facebook since the mauve log-truck encounter, so that tale is totally a BLOG EXCLUSIVE!! Oh, you lucky readership, you!!!

I'm sorry...I DON'T SPEAK FREAKY-DEAKY DUTCH

Ok, I think with this confession I have to relinquish any claims I have to being a bona fide sophisticate but, dammit, I can't hold it in--- I LOVE AUSTIN POWERS.

Oooh.. I feel so gauche.

My niece turned 13 yesterday and she was waaay stoked to watch a PG-13 movie...not her 1st, but the previous few were sneaked and not parentally sanctioned. Anyway, she was acting like it was some big time rite o' passage...it was pretty cute. I went up last night for homemade pizza and cupcakes and then got to share in the inaugural PG-13 flick-- "Austin Powers: Goldmember" (which she got out of the Big Lots bargain bin for $3.)
There were a few feeble sight gags in the flick but most of the movie CRACKED ME UP. Well, I had seen it before. Hell, I own it, I bet I paid full new DVD price for it too, (which retrospectively irks me when I consider the killer bargain price Chloe got on it) I got it right when it came out, and this was before "Previewed DVDs" flooded the market and drove down the average price of DVDs in general. So obviously, if I paid upwards of SIXTEEN DOLLARS for a DVD (gaaaasp!!) I already loved Austin Powers. But I just forgot that somehow. It's funny that that movie (the 3rd in the series) was out in 2002 and it feels to me like it was really rummaging waaaay back in the archives. Silly.

In other pop-culture inconsequentia (yeah. I fabricated that word. What of it? Piss off, eh?) I read an article about TV Shows That Have Jumped the Shark (incidentally, I feel like the phrase "jumped the shark" has jumped the shark) and one of the sorry shows mentioned (and pictured in the accompanying slideshow) was "Two and a Half Men" . I don't think I even read the caption on that one, but just a 12 second glimpse of Sheen & Cryer got that godawful "Two and a Half Men" theme song stuck in my head. I suppose that's instant karma in action...bad things happen to bums who shirk their work duties to tarry online. And believe y'all me...it IS a bad thing...I've had many a song stuck in my head over the years but "menmenmenmen manly men men men men" has gotta be the absolute shittiest.

I'm no Sporty Spice...

...so it's seldom I tarry on ESPN blogs & the like. But from time to time, there is a sports-related news blurb ridiculous enough to snare my attention.

This one, for instance. Laughable!! If God follows anyone on Twitter, it's gonna be the Pope or like, Julie Andrews, it sure as hell ain't gonna be some lunkhead from the NFL.

Even more laughable-- imagining God lashing back via Twitter. Picture that celeb-tattle rag headline: "Bills Wide Receiver and THE ALMIGHTY in Nasty Twitter Row"

I am a frequent visitor of the HuffPost comedy site...today, while perusing their new offerings I spotted Funniest Notes to Bad Parkers . Generally, I'm a sucker for a good comedy slideshow, but strangely, this one got me feeling more defensive than amused. A lot of times, people get forced into a bad parking job by the cars already parked in the vicinity. If the truck to the left of the vacant space is straddling the painted line, then you--if taking aforesaid vacancy-- are going to inevitably park just as badly. And then that truck starts up and goes home (with the aid of its driver, of course) and your car is left there, absorbing all the guilt. So, OK, yes, this has happened to me more than once, but I swear, it 's a general sense of injustice I speak from... feeling defensive on behalf of ALL chastised parkers everywhere.

I would never leave a note on a car like this...unless I absolutely *knew * that they parked that way out of ineptitude. And if I were to leave a note, I'm certain I wouldn't be irate enough to use the word "asshat" in it....even though I think it's a HILARIOUS thing to call someone. Bad parking is a pretty innocuous offense, after all. Just chillax, folks.

Some strange lady started chatting me up in Walmart last night…I don’t know just how I discern the general friendly folk from the “I don’t think her elevator goes all the way to the top floor” types…but this lady from last night, I think she was of the latter group. I was digging through the $5 DVD bin, and she’s like “Anything good in there?” Sensible enough opening, but shortly thereafter she starts telling me about her work hours being cut down and her money woes and how she applied at Walmart and is stressed about Christmas…talking to me like I was an old pal or freakin’ Delilah (ever heard her on the radio?? Blecch) And her whole diatribe is interspersed with sighs of “Oooh BOOGERS” which seemed to be her preferred exclamation of lament.

So, when she finally got occupied with the contents of the $5 bin, I kinda skulked off the the scene. But 15 minutes later, all the way on the other side of the store, I’m looking through the boxed Christmas cards and suddenly, at my left shoulder: “Christmas cards, huh? Oooh BOOGERS.”

I don’t know why I’m not good with random strangers being friendly at me. I mean, I don’t handle it as badly as I could…it’s not as if I mace them…but I feel like I should proffer some reciprocal friendliness (but it’s rare that I can manage it)

I did a little remainder-of-2010 budgeting and came to the conclusion that THIS upcoming paycheck (droppin’ on Thurs) is THE one that is going to finance the bulk of my Christmas shopping. So I have to shift into that gear post haste… to this end, I bought me some music on iTunes.

I’ve bought a gift or two already (ok, specifics--5 specifically allocated gifts & 3 “oh, this’ll be nice for…someone” items) but the Christmas shopping PUSH hasn’t quite commenced. Usually picking out my cards gets me in the right frame of mind (I think I’ll check Kmart tomorrow…scoff if you will, but I usually have very good luck with Christmas cards at Kmart. ) But also I thought it might be wise to purge the selfish spending impulses from my being. .. .hence the aforementioned iTunes spree.

Does 9 songs constitute a spree? It’s all relative, I suppose. Hmmm, well, gauging by my average consumption rates, I’m going to rule that you need a minimum of 15 songs to officially have a “spree”. So I indulged in a half-spree (or a “demi-spree” if you will…I hope you will, as I think that sounds classier)

The specifics of my demi-spree--

1.Sweet Disposition [by The Temper Trap]-- this is the song that anyone and everyone is appropriating for their commercials these days. Oh, you know it --”A Moment. A Love. A Dream. A Laugh….”That one. I anticipate its television ubiquity making me hate it, eventually. But it’s still new-ish to me and for now I think it’s a lovely, feel good song…

2. Sleepyhead [ Passion Pit]-- the first time I listened to this (today, on a long car drive) I was all “WHAT THE FRACK DID I BUY??” It was a track that iTunes recommended to me (I believe based on the fact that I’d previously bought “Good Ol’ Fashioned Nightmare” by Matt & Kim) and the 30 second preview was appealing, so I thought I’d give it a go. With its opening half minute comprised of nonsensical jabber (sounding something akin to a LOLCAT speaking Japanese ) I was initially perplexed by the song. But the more I listen to it the more I like it. No, I’m not just saying that to stave off regret over an uninformed impulse buy. I really am liking it now (which is not to say I‘m now un-perplexed ). It sounds like an artsy audio collage. That seems an apt description to me, but I suspect it's not that helpful to the uninitiated, so here.

3. I’m Goin’ Down [Bruce Springsteen]-- In late August, I read an online article (in Paste, or some music-snob 'zine) which interviewed Ezra Koenig (lead singer of Vampire Weekend, and really too adorable for words..) about his formative musical influences. And Koenig, but of course, listened to all these artists at 7 yrs old that I’m just figuring out who the *^%$# they are. But he also mentioned that, in recent years, he was sorta rediscovering Bruce Springsteen. And then , mid September, I went to see Vampire Weekend in Springfield MA, and Ezra did a cover of this song (oh yeah, the rest of the band helped out, I guess..) that was really cool. And it made me want to revisit the original (which--sorry Ezra , darling--is undisputably the best) So I didn’t have a complete Boss renaissance, but I did get a renewed appreciation for this song. This song is IMMENSELY RAD. It didn’t knock “I’m On Fire” off the top spot of my mental roster of “Bestest Springsteen Songs” but it did tie it. My #2 on said roster-- in case you’re just dying to know --is “Radio Nowhere”

4. Cherchez la Femme [Dr Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band] --It’s my sister’s M.O. to talk about songs she likes, but never know those songs‘, actual, given titles. She instead takes some line of the song that just resonates most with her and she gives the song that line as a title. It’s always a bit of a chore to figure out what song she’s telling me she likes. I confess, from time to time, I rename songs in this same way. This song, for instance, I have always thought of as “Tommy Mottola Lives on the Road”

So, I’m in the middle of my demi-spree, and got a hankerin’ to throw something disco in the mix…so I purchased “Tommy Mottola Lives on the Road”. It’s a good song but not great for a disco fix. It has a pretty sweet Manilow vibe to it, but it’s not overly danceable Although…wonder if Dr Buzzard & co. ever played Soul Train. Those cats on Soul Train can dance to absolutely *anything*!!

I think learning this song’s actual title motivated me to buy it. I yearn to learn French, but haven’t, for a number of reasons…but I do like to pick up scraps of français where I can.. It baffled me a bit though..they pronounce “femme” as FOM. That can't possibly be correct??

5. Generals & Majors [XTC]-- checked this out on the recommendation of June, a nurse I work with, one of the elite handful of genuinely cool people at the agency (though, when you hear a straight-outta-1953 name like "June" it doesn't bring coolness to mind. She's an anomaly like that .) We were talking music…and she was avowing her love of the New Wave genre, and rattled off some of her fave New Wavers…could not believe I didn’t know anything by XTC. So I checked them out and really dug this particular track. Lyrically, there’s not anything that hooks ya here, but the music is terrif-- upbeat New Wave with WHISTLING!!

　6. Space Age Love Song [Flock of Seagulls]--- I can attest, firsthand: this song is the perfect soundtrack to zippiing down the interstate. Listen to it. It sounds like driving down the interstate.

7. Harvey & Sheila [ Allan Sherman]-- I swear, every iTunes buy includes at least one song--a little weird and/ or hokey--- that I am sort of sheepish about liking .. Even in a half spree we got one..

Anyway--screw you guys--Allan Sherman is funny (or was…he must be dead by now, right?)

I liked the idea of a song parodying “hava nagilah”

8. Down with the Sickness [Disturbed]-- I am usually averse to “angry music” but that are a couple exceptional songs of that ilk that I find strangely appealing. This song would be one of those. Although this track I downloaded has a profanity-laden tirade in the middle of it that I’d not heard ( since I suppose I’d always heard this song on the radio and they woulda cut that bit out) Normally, I’m all for bonus profanity, but I don’t like this part of the song…it’s all dark ravings about his mother. I don’t listen to this song because I’m interested in this guy’s fucked up mommy issues--no way. I’m pretty much just listening for that berzerker death metal monkey sound : “oooh WA AH AH AH!!” Yeeeaah. ..that’s the stuff.

9.”Surfin’ Bird” [the Trashmen]--almost didn’t buy this because I have a version of Surfin’ Bird performed by the Ramones. But I’m very glad I did get this. This song is f-ing ridiculous in the most magical way…the Ramones (great though they may be) don’t even come close to recapturing that.

Boogla !! Boogla!!

Every year for my birthday I want a scary movie marathon. I'm no horror buff...but I do think certain horror movies are fun. Anything from the 50s thru the 80s is fun. Nothing really in the 90s appeals to me, and modern horror...now that that "torture-porn" style is so chic...ugh, I can't stand any o' that.

This year, Laura promised me pizza & Halloween movie marathon. I'm pretty easy to please...that's all I really want.

OK..degree of difficulty..this was something my 12 yr old niece wanted to be in on. And she is a wuss about scary movies. I thought maybe we could ease her into it with some light horror. But Laura said the first night she isn't able to sleep I was gonna be called in the middle of the night to go fetch her. So that wouldn't *really* happen but I got the general message-- put the scare in Chloe and suffer the wrath of her mum!!

I brought my whole selection of Halloweenish movies--scary and otherwise. I brought:
1. Ravenous
2. The Evil Dead
3. Shaun of the Dead
4. Suspira
5.Mad Monster Party (Rankin-Bass movie)
6. Halloween II
7. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (not entirely sure why I brought this one. Hardly fits the theme...)
8. 20 Blood Curdling Horror Classics ( cheap-o set that I got--20 movies on 6 DVDs: Maniac / Little Shop of Horrors / Moon of the Wolf / House on Haunted Hill / Creature from the Haunted Sea/ Tormented/ Dementia 13/ The Galaxy Invader/ Phantom of 10,000 Leagues /Attack of the Monsters/Blood Tide/The Terror /Laser Mission /The Astral Factor /They Came from Beyond Space/ The Last Man on Earth / Gamera the Invincible/ Snowbeast /Night of the Living Dead / War of the Planets)
9. April Fool's Day
10. Poltergeist
11.Young Frankenstein
12. The Tingler
13. Amityville Horror (the 2005 remake)

I thought maybe I could get Chloe to watch Poltergeist...I just looove that one and ultimately it's not that scary..after all, nobody dies in it. And even though I don't think it's all that scary, I hadn't realized (until perusing the DVD case today) the movie has actually got a PG rating. But she wasn't quite bold enough for that. But of that list there were a good deal I hadn't actually seen (#s 13, 12, 6, 4, 1 &none of the movies in the 20 movie collection *except* The Last Man on Earth) so I was good with seeing any of those. Ultimately, we ended up watching "The Tingler' only after I reassured Chloe that scary movies of the 50s just are not scary at all to a modern audience. And that movie proved that assertion true. Not only was there a lot of laughable hammy acting, but the villain-critter of the piece, meant to strike fear into the hearts of moviegoers--it's a rubbery looking centipede-lobster tail mash-up and it's called...THE TINGLER. Not overly terrifying, that moniker. Sounds like a bit of battery powered fun, really.
Then we watched Beetlejuice (one that our friend Kristi brought) And then Chloe and Kristi (mostly Kristi) got all in to watching the Halloween ep of Ghost Hunters (which I thought was BOOOO-RING!! Is that show always so dull??)
Right now as I type this I'm watching Suspira. Getting near the end now. It's pretty good, but I don't know that I'd dub it "One of the Scariest Movies of all Time" (as Entertainment Weekly reportedly called it, according to the Suspira DVD case copy) I find, above all, it's a stylish horror film. I think a lot of times, when review calls a movie "stylish" they actually use that adjective to describe the plot or writing. But I mean it in the purest aesthetic sense of the word. The costumes are lovely..the set design gorrrgeous. The movie's a little gory, but I think the fact that all the blood is super technicolor vermillion --resembling hoochie nail polish more than anything else--squelches some of the gore-induced terror.

chortles

looking for that Tom-Bosley-on-a-train clip I found this Family Guy clip that effing CRACKS ME UP. I don't know how I coulda forgotten about this..

'Kay, now for s'more YouTubey goodness I have unearthed... there was a link to a Peter Serafinowicz interview on HuffPost. I recognized him as starring on the excellent Look Around You (which I'd watched a coupla times on Adult Swim) but had not previously realized that he co-created that show. The write-up that accompanied the interview hailed Serafinowicz as, like, the UK's next great comic genius. After thoroughly pillaging YouTube looking for his work, I am inclined to agree. I am uhhh, mildly obsessed w/ the guy now. Anywhooo, here be a coupla my faves---

this one is wonderfully weird. And even better--it's a bizarro Brit-lit brand of weird. And I love that sad face he makes at the end...

AWWWWW, SAD DICKENS!!!

I think this was a side project and not a part of The Peter Serafinowicz Show. I fecking LOVE it.. it's brill.

R.I.P. Mr C.

How sad that Tom Bosley died.

The sad news immediately called to mind this scene...which is maybe a little irreverant of me, but I do so love it... sorry for the shit quality...

Lessons from the movies...

CINEMATIC WISDOM #508*-- When you are asked to please pass the butter, and you are not at the dining table, during mealtime....just..just...BE WARY. I'm not saying don't go get the butter, just make sure intentions are explicitly communicated. You're apt to be thinking, "Mmm..toast." whereas he's possibly thinking "Huzzah!! Sodomy!" It's best that you be on the same page.

I was puttering around Hulu last night and I saw they offer "LAST TANGO IN PARIS" Not the indie dance flick I was expecting...let me forewarn y'all that "tango" is employed euphemistically in this instance. Haa..ok, I jest. No I hadn't seen it before but I knew of it, and knew it was hardly a precursor to today's "Step-Up" series. I knew the movie's rep, and so I was kinda curious to see it. Well, firstly, I was a bit surprised to see it crop up on **hulu** of all places. I thought, well, if it’s on hulu, probably it’s not as wicked as all that. I mean, after all, it was directed by Bernard Bertolucci not the Marquis de Sade. And overall, it wasn’t as wicked as all that (though the butter scene rather earned its infamy) . If anything, there was some dialogue that I found objectionable.

Well, here’s a few things that are new since I last posted (been a smidge negligent--forgive me?) Not new & exciting…just new. In traditional journalistic fashion, I lead with the exciting stuff (Monsieur Butterfingers) this is the region of the text where you dump extraneous boring albeit factual shit. Here goes…

I took my car in for inspection (am no longer driving the sloppy jalopy BTW) and needed 4 new tires to pass. So that sucked away a chunk of my Saturday & approx $300 .

Out of the blue today, one of my coworkers said to me - “Sandra, ARE YOU OK?” in this tone of heightened concern. Normally that sort of thing is merely annoying, but when you work in an office full of nurses, it gets you effing paranoid! Or, at least it did me. I hope it wasn’t her trained eye alighting on something drastically awry …I mean I was SOOOO tired and I did look fairly hagged out today. The wardrobe pick du jour was moderately fetching, but I didn’t do a thing vis a vis hair & makeup. And I even have 2 wee blemishes I didn’t even bother to spackle o’er.

I learned today that I no longer like lox. I used to, and now I don’t. Not earth-shattering news that, as tastes do change, of course. But that’s just kind of a switcheroo for me…I more often find ,as I age, that I like things now that I never did before.. .. Like Lionel Ritchie…and beets.

* Lest you go searching for 507 prior nuggets of Cinematic Wisdom, I should point out that #508 was picked arbitrarily

celebrities I link together in my head for no good reason..Part I

1. Rachel Bilson & Mila Kunis

2. Philip Seymour Hoffman & Paul Giamatti

3. Kurt Russell & Jeff Bridges [though it should be noted here that Bridges has the advantage of 7 trillion awesome points for being Lebowski. I definitely like him best and think really the only thing that links him to Russell in my mind is that they have matching swoopy brown coiffures)

4. Bill Paxton & Bill Pullman

5. Albert Finney & George Segal

out of the mouths of babes...

I sometimes take a dry paintbrush (no paint on it) and make-believe paint moustaches on my nieces. Well the young ones, (5 &7) not my eldest niece (12). It amuses all of us, not that I can really explain why that is. I ask them , "What kind of moustache do you want? The Villain? The French Villain? The Surly Cowboy?" So they tell me what kind they'd like, and I "paint" it on, and they giggle and then usually give me a moustache. So the other night when I babysat, I put them to bed, and then I came back up and said "I FORGOT!! You guys need bedtime moustaches!!" So I gave Lucy a "fancy French" 'stache and Sadie got "The Pepere" and then Lucy is play-painting on my face and she sez " But Auntie you already have a moustache, kind of."

Yeeeowch...time to get the Sally Hansen Cream Hair Remover outta the medicine cabinet. Yes, I do have some..I was not previously oblivious to my she-stache. It's a very faint little peach fuzz stache--I guess I have the "Martin Mull". But I'd just procrastinated tending to it for a while, telling myself-- OK, sure, it is glaringly obvious to me when staring in the 200X magnifying makeup mirror (those things are damned BRUTAL by the way...don't mess with them unless you have mighty monster self confidence) but nobody looks *that* closely at my face. It would seem I've been too lax in the face-scaping. Sure, Lucy was staring at my face, and concentrating right on the upper lip region, but still... People do stare other people hard in the face. I dunno what I was thinking. I mean...fer instance... I work with this lady named Ricky. She is an RN so it rather shocks me that she seems to not realize the detriments of using mascara that you've kept since 1974. Maybe it's not old mascara, maybe it's really bad, cheap mascara. But I presumed it was old mascara, because I often buy cheap-ish mascara and I've never had a problem with my lashes ending up clumpy & looking like fat SPIDER LEGS like hers do. So consequently, everytime she talks to me, my peepers unavoidably lock onto hers. So why would I be immune to scrutiny of countenance--particularly if I has some 'stache action going on?? I wouldn't be. I was just making excuses.
So, epilogue...I have rid myself of my Martin Mull-ness. Will need to tweeze the brows pretty soon though..

Impressions. . .

... usually, I consider them a lowly form of comedy ..sort of a cheap cop-out alternative to writing actual jokes. But there are some exceptional ones that have cracked me up. It's the choice of subject to impersonate, and even more so, what they do when "in-persona". I've seen so many unimpressive impressions where the joke is "Ha, ha, listen to how much I sound like so & so.." and so they don't actually say anything funny, they'll just like, talk about ordering coffee like Christopher Walken, and proceed to do a coffee order.

I bring this up because... well do YOU ever get an impression stuck in your head like you do a song? Tonight I was doing jokey jazz-scat singing about stew (a side effect, perhaps, of quaffing 2 glasses of my homemade smack-ya-upside-tha-haid wine) and it was coming out a smidge like Will Ferrell's impression of Robert Goulet. Which I ADORE. I got to pondering that, and was compelled to track it down online. I'm pissed at NBC, because they don't have --in their otherwise very extensive video archive--this sketch. It's quite possibly the awesomest thing Ferrell did on SNL and they don't have it (probably due to repeated use of the N-word). And I'm sort of peeved at YouTube too, for only having one video of it, and a *really* shitty quality one at that.
I'm embedding it anyway, because it MUST be shared...me mucho gusto.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for crooner impersonations, because I love this too--

Also, Bill Hader does a fine impression of Vincent Price which I very much enjoy . Vinnie Price was such an intrinsically funny character anyways (I shall make with a link, I don't wanna be an embeddaholic). And I am incapable of seeing a hot tub or even hearing mention of one, without wanting to break out into "Hot Tub!! Wanna git in the wah-tuh!!"

So, audience participation time--what is your fave impression? If you don't have one, you can borrow one of mine. . .

Banal Interlude from my Workday 9/21/10

I had Bob from Development ask me if we had any whiteboard cleaner spray. I think he’s prepping for a presentation of sorts, probably for board members, as he does lots of those presentations. Anywhooooo, I said, I wasn’t sure if we had any on hand, I didn’t *think* so, but let’s check the sundry oddments shelf of the supply room anyway, just to be absolutely positive. Well-- there wasn’t any (though I swear that once upon a time, I’d seen some on the premises…y’know anything that isn’t absolutely and immediately essential, Larry is apt to cart off to our off-site storage place…a place I have dubbed “the scary cage” )

And, so I sez to Bob, I sez-- “ Gee, whiteboard cleaner. Isn’t that kind of a luxury?? Don’t you think the board members would be more impressed with you—and your resourcefulness—if you hocked a loogey on the whiteboard and used your tie for a wiper??”

Luckily Bob is a good egg…an amiable egg…with a sense of humor. There are some here I would NOT try that line on…

the final countdown

I love me a good pop culture countdown. The 50 Greatest Romantic Comedys or The 100 Best Ever Movie Quotes or some such shit. And, unlike a lot of schmucks out there, I do not read such things to get my argue on. Seems like everytime EW prints one of these articles, they have to do a whole follow up article, 2 issues later to give honorable mentions to all the movies or shows or whatever that they didn't include that rabid fans wrote in about. And these missives are generally accusatory, "HOW COULD YOU FORGET Mel's
Diner in your list of the Top 50 TV Eateries??" You sense that they feel this non-inclusion could only stem from a grevious (and moronic) oversight, and certainly *not * that the writer was of a different opinion.

So even though countdowns/lists tend to generate moronic, argumentative feedback, I still like such pieces. It is a good way to get introduced to a song/artist/ movie/show, etc that you had never checked out, maybe had never even heard of before.

A good example is Paste magazine's "Top 23 Sci-Fi Songs" that I mentioned a few weeks ago. I ended up buying 3 songs off iTunes that I'd discovered on that list!

Now , I may very well make some purchases off THIS LIST that I came across just today. If nothing else, y'know, one could be gettin' some literary-vicarious style. Bow chicka wow wowwwww.

Yesterday I took a gander at a list compiled by nerve.com : 'The Ten Strangest Celebrity Records of all Time" (check it out here) . Oh you had me at "strangest". That trumps finding the "cool new thang"--stumbling on to something odd & obscure. This (below) was on nerve's list & it for sure fits the bill for "odd & obscure" but also I find it inexplicably awesome. BEHOLD--

Ha, haa. "I hate you clown" Also, Phyllis Diller singing "Satisfaction" is not to be missed. The broad sounds like she needs an oxygeen tank...stat!

Staycation, all I ever wanted...

Today was my first day back to work after a week off. Actually I took a week & a day off, 48 glorious ETO hours. The smart thing to do, I see retrospectively, would've been to take last week+today off. But I took 8/20 off and then 8/23-8/27. If I'd worked on 8/20, it would've given me a smidge more time to tie up pre-vaca loose ends...as it was, I wound up staying until 10 of 6 on Thurs 8/19 trying to do just that (I'm supposed to get out @ 4:30pm) If I'd taken today off instead, I might not have woken up this morning bellowing the surliest "Fuuuuuuuuuck!" ever bellowed by a human larynx. Sure, I would've only been postponing the inevitable return-to-work shitstorm by 1 day, but I woud've had two 4day weeks in a row. That woulda been marvy. But a damned moot point now, eh?

Well, when I was off, it seems like everything that coulda gone wrong DID. OK, there was no zombie-pocalypse. But everything else went wrong. I got a lot of "SIIIIIGH!! I am SO GLAD you are back!" I figure that was about 10% people genuinely missing the wonderful me-ness of me, and 90% people terribly put out at having to encounter some of that downhill-rolling shit that I am generall poised at the bottom of the hill to field. I suppose that's job security right? Should be reassuring. Empirically, I see how it could be, how I really ought to perceive it in today's economy. But truly, I just find it annoying. It vexes me that I can't take time off with having to beg, and bargain, and beg some more to get any coverage for my duties, and I still come back to a load of catch -up and bonus damage control work.

What is the name of the superpower of materializing matter out of nothing? Most superpowers have a concise, one word name,(flight, telekinesis, superstrength, etc etc) so that one ought to as well , si? I only mention this because I'm thinking that that super power would be the very best way to become obscenely rich without working for it (and that is MY DREAM, y'know) There's being an heiress, but really I could do without hassles from the paparazzi. Or you could rake in beaucoup $$ from a lawsuit of some sort, but the legal arbitration while it lasted could be work, of sorts. Plus if you have grounds for a big moolah settlement, chances are you are very sick or gimpy. So, conjuring currency out of nothing...that's the *ultimate* means to my fantasy fortune. I mean, when you needed to procure a luxe suite at the Chateau Marmont, you just find a shadowy nook of the lobby, scrunch up your forehead and then, moments later pile up a few stacks of benjis on the check -in counter. You pay up front with cash you can book your room under any loco pseudonym you wanna. Theophilus Thogmartin. Petra VanDerTaco. Whatever. And ohmigod, the tax perks--the IRS wouldn't have nothin' on ya. Also, cool--it would enable me to carry around a fashionable empty purse , and just Mary Poppins stuff out of it as needed. I mean, that's no minor perk, you have no idea how heavy my purses are at times!! Often, when I park it on the passenger's seat, the unbuckled passenger light flashes while I drive around. Yeah, I've contemplated the if-you-could-have-any-superpower-what-would-you-pick? question (which, astoundingly, is NOT on the Proust Questionnaire...totally seems like it would be) and super strength & telekinesis immediately sprang to mind in the past (NOT telepathy--which would just be an abyssmally DEPRESSING superpower). But I've changed my mind. Materialism is my pick...or would you call it conjuring? That doesn't sound right. I'm going to call it "Mary Poppinsing" until I get some official terminology.

current desktop pic

If a love of personalizing my computer desktop makes me dweebish, I don't wanna be cool (or, uhhh..the opposite of dweebish)

So I like swapping out my desktop imagery, but I do give each pick a fair 2 or 3 week run. I just took off James Tissot's The Artist's Ladies (you know, I very much like Tissot..on my way to finding that page to link you to I spotted 6 other Tissot pics I couldn't live without that I was compelled to save to my hard drive) and switched to the work above : The Windmiller's Guest by Edmund Blair-Leighton. One thing I like in a painting is when it presents a tableau, alludes to a backstory. I always really enjoy that (provided that it is rendered in a style that I find pleasing) So, yeah, that's why I have Windmiller's Guest saved in my computer. I always right click + save when I find stuff I like (often on ArtMagick or the Athenaeum) not really because I MUST possess the image (though sometimes, I 'spose) but I just am always sure that I *WILL* forget the artist and/or painting name and where I came across it. I suppose I could favorite it, or book mark it. OK--quick confession-- I'm forever adding to my Favorites list, but I have never bookmarked a page. What the hell is the difference? Actually, I just hopped on to a different site on another tab to try out bookmarking , but I couldn't find a way to do it...I know I've seen that option in the past. Wonder if it is passe and got axed from newer versions of Explorer. I feel like a total clueless noob now...and I've veered way off topic. Was saying that I could use Favorites to keep track of artwork that I like, but that takes memory too, so why not just save the pic (when possible)?

I like that there seems to be some sort of situation percolating here. And really, even if he's 1/2 obscured and made of paint, isn't the windmiller kind of dashing in a 70s Harlequin novel sort of way?? His name, I've decided, is something like Gerolt Van Der Slake (because--durrr--he's Dutch).